What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
Visions #185: Nine days with love.
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
Thing 1: Nine days with love.
Here’s what I want:
I’m leaving for the Vicarage very soon. Very!
There are nine whole days and then I leave.
Hello, nine days.
(The Vicarage = two whole weeks of glorrrrious silent retreat, which means both that I will be on silent retreat and also I am silent-retreating about what this is).
Nine days is not a lot of days. And there are a lot of things that want to happen inside of those days.
I would like some kind of map. Mainly I would like to feel delightfully calm about everything. Calm and present, not calm-and-drifting. Calm and right here with all of it.
And then I want a sense of what needs to fit where, what can be dropped, what doesn’t really need to be done, like that.
The qualities inside of the want:
Shelter. Freedom. Permission. Peacefulness. Ease. Play. Readiness. Willingness. Resilience. Curiosity. Light-heartedness. Focus. Pleasure.
And the superpower of committing to the flow, however it happens to be flowing.
Ways this might work:
I can use the it’s-almost-magic Deguiltified Chicken Board at the Floop to list all the things.
I can talk to the time monsters who are saying that THERE IS NO TIME and also doom-doom-doom ALL THE THINGS.
And I can use metaphor mouse to rename the things that need doing, and also I can turn them into secret agent spy ops.
I’m playing with…
The part about love.
If these nine days are a present for me (let’s say that I’m temporarily choosing to pretend that they are), then ….?
If the Vicarage itself is a place of love that past-me set up for incoming-me out of love, and I am going there to reconnect to myself, with love….
Then how does knowing that change the form of these nine days?
Does that not turn these nine days into a new kind of container, built out of love to contain more love? And how does that interact with the usual patterns of pressure and worry and “gotta get shit done” and “oh no all the things”? This is what I’m thinking about right now.
Thing 2: And Nine Forms, with play.
Here’s what I want:
There are nine things that I want to have written before I leave.
Actually, there are more. But nine that come in kind of a set.
This has to do with shapes and blueprints, doesn’t it.
What are nine shapes?
Circle, triangle, oval, rectangle, star, diamond, octagon, pentagon, crescent. Okay!
If there are nine shapes, and also blueprints for the shapes, maybe this won’t be as time-consuming as I am worried it might be.
The qualities inside of the want:
Ease. Simplicity. Release. Comfort. Peace of mind. Sweetness. Form. Flow. Play. Experimentation. Invention. Skipping.
The superpowers of All The Shapes Are Friends, and also the superpower of graceful transitions.
Ways this might work:
I can process this at the Floop! And I can ask Incoming Me to remind me why everything will be better if these are done. Or maybe it will turn out that it doesn’t matter and I don’t have to do them…
But the main thing is that I’m finding out what is important about this, why it’s calling to me.
I’m playing with…
What if this can be easier than I think? What if I only need two blueprints for all the shapes? Interesting…
Thing 3: And Nine Pages, with laughter.
Here’s what I want:
The big thing that needs to be done before I leave has nine pages.
It wants my love and attention, but mainly it wants me to enjoy myself while I’m doing it.
So I need to figure out the WHEN, but mainly I need to figure out how it can be joyful. Because that is how it wants to be born.
The qualities inside of the want:
Silliness. Delight. Pleasure. Temptation. Play. Presence. Noticing. Breath. Sweetness. Warmth. Buoyancy. Grounding. Humming. Glowing.
And the superpower of sparking all the sparks.
Ways this might work:
I can think of other joyful things. Like flowers! And secret flowers.
Like dancing and leaping. Like swinging on the swings with Svevo. Like [not-wine].
I can start from the feeling, and let it change the nine pages.
I’m playing with…
Letting there be help. Playdate help, writing date help, partnering.
People who might help with joyful and with writing, possibly both: Marisa, Nick, Briana, Eddie, Kyle, Garret, the shellbacks from the last Crossing, Richard, Dana, Hope.
Noticings about the things I want this week…
The qualities seem extra-important this week. The love and the play, the form and the freedom.
Bonus wishes, please!
Some of these are secret agent code and some of them are things I’m silent retreat-ing on. Some are qualities that will help. And some are almost pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.
- Finish up Operation Watchcap.
- Copper pot.
- Hooks and hooks.
- Stone time (yes, the kind of stone that is a stone and also the kind of stone that is a person and also the kind of stone that is for skipping)
- Chulnikim: rename the op.
- Goodnight, tabs!
- The decobwebbing of the Playground.
- New checkbook.
- TAJHMA.
- Yes to ordering the business cards.
- More with feet.
- The Tree of Life part III?
- Packing list! Rename this. See the steamer trunk.
- Call on Barrington!
I’m playing with…
Trust. Making things simple. Conducting. The superpower of What If Nothing Is Wrong?
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
Operations HUMMING and DIPPING are both going great, and they’re both ongoing.
There was much delighting: and I think I’m getting a lot better at this. Feeling good about the progress. It is easier for me to remember to delight now. I still feel conflicted about (pleasure) as a word/concept, but delight has landed.
And I wanted to play with conducting three times a day, and that was a good number. We now have lots of evidence about how just three times helps a lot. And how even two times helps a lot. Actually, even once helps a lot. And once you get past the first one, the next ones are easier.
Then I wanted a secret name for Secret Sundays, and for now I’m calling them Undays!
Other things I planted that also happened: Toozday! Operation G.O.O.D.W.I.L.L, business card designs, moving things around, the one about feet, the Geniza and the 36 tiny adventurers on their way out. As always, I’m happy I asked.
Also I just got a secret text that says CHEESE EMERGENCY AVERTED, and this is also good news.
Playing. Shelter for the comments.
What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like. Things sparked for your own process.
I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.
We ask for what we need, and we give each other space and spaciousness for the process.
This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We play.
That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!
As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox
Friday Chicken #234: change it up change it up!
Where I cover the good and the hard in my week, visiting the non-preachy side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
What worked?
Ending Fake Beach Day with feet.
Fake Beach Day is great while it’s happening, except then the end gets all stressful and not-fun.
This time Danielle and I went to the Barefoot Sage and ended Fake Beach Day with foot soak and foot massage.
It held the magic of actually going to the beach: Tranquility. Expansiveness. Spaciousness. Ritual. Grounding. Freedom. Lightheartedness. And feeling stones and water under your feet.
And then I went to see Wally and we worked on that some more.
Making life a little easier for Incoming Me.
Little things. Setting them up.
Untying my dance shoes so they’ll be easier to put on.
Packing my bag the night before. Setting the water bottle by the door.
Secret ops at the [radiant smile time].
Last time that I was at the (shh, dentist), I made lots of notes for slightly future me.
And now I’m here! And all set up with code words and a secret postcard, special entry rituals and lots of reminders.
It was amazing. I went to Cam of the magic fingers, I’d already booked the room I like best, and I got to sit in the humming, vibrating heated massage chair while she put rose oil on my temples. It was ease-filled, peaceful, speedy and calm.
And it turned out that I’d overpaid last time or something? Anyway, the entire cleaning and x-rays came to $16. What?!
The theme of this week was CHANGE IT UP.
Change it up change it up!
This worked like a mantra and a theme song and a battle cry and a reminder.
And it made things that might not have been fun seem like they were part of a bigger adventure.
Next time I might…
Have a list of possible Middle of The Night Putterings.
For when I wake up in the middle of the night full of energy and wanting to putter, but not remembering what needs doing.
FInd the new metaphor first.
As soon as I play with metaphor mouse, everything gets better.
But sometimes I’ll try to make things work for way too long without changing the words.
Set a quota on how many appointments can be squeezed into a week.
Because a thing about Havis is that they can’t handle this much interaction.
The hard.
- The Zipcar excursion that ballooned into a giant mess.
- Tired. Very, very tired.
- Time is going so fast!
- Too many meetings.
- Too many appointments.
- Too much running around.
- So much to do! All the time gremlins.
- My playmate was AWOL, and we were both too busy to play and this sucked.
- I need playtime to be at my most brilliantly creative, and playtime wasn’t happening.
- A fun thing getting postponed for six whole days. Also the resulting crankiness.
- Delay, in general.
- Locked doors.
- A thing that fizzled so hard, and I didn’t want it to fizzle and I was pretty attached to it not fizzling, but it was the time for fizzle.
- Even though the fizzling had nothing to do with me, I tried to make it about me.
- Forgetting.
The good.
- Two (two!) skype-dates with Marisa!
- Conducting, when I remembered to do it, was the best.
- Wally and I are doing genius things together.
- Dancing it up. A lot. And feeling great.
- A Friday night that got canceled and uncanceled and re-canceled and finally happened, and all of this turned out to be just right.
- Best fake beach day ever..
- Every single thing about going to the dentist on Tuesday.
- Okay, every single thing about Tuesday, period.
- Waking up Wednesday with all the sparkly energy in the world. And with the perfect Nook-Booking solution (a previously unsolvable problem: solved!).
- Anticipation is my drug of choice.
- Two weeks until I’m off to the VICARAGE!
- Eddie.
- Baths, baths and more baths.
- It is not as cold as it has been.
- Lighter in the mornings! More fun to go to early dance class.
- Going to early dance class means so much more day in front of me!
- Feeling outrageously inspired (thanks again, Most Wonderful Tuesday!) and getting all the things done.
- Change it up! I’m a redhead again. For the first time in maybe twelve years. Liking it.
- Change it up! I wrote the Nook page and the secret door page and all the things!
- Change it up! The hallway is now becoming home. The red chair is in the right place. The new curtains are the right ones.
- Mariko. Hi!
- Athena laughing with delight (and with the light), and trying not to say I-told-you-so, but mainly just delighted and also maybe saying I-told-you-so. She was right, and I am glad.
WHAM BOOM! Operations completed this week:
The phrase Whoosh Ha Mastodon Boom is secret agent code that means: this op is done, baby! It is often shortened to WHAM boom.
The main op that worked this week is an ongoing one that has to do with timing and flow. It’s actually kind of a game that normally I have a lot of trouble with. But this week it worked!
Every time I had Time Stress about “this is late” and “this is not done” and “I am behind”, I invoked the superpowers of No, Waiting Is Good And Letting Things Percolate Is Good And This Is Right Timing.
And guess what? Everything was good.
It turned out to be PERFECT that I hadn’t written [project X] because then I found out what it was actually supposed to be about. It was good that I didn’t do the things I thought I should be doing because they way they ended up happening turned out to be even better.
This week I remembered this. And I delighted in the apparent dead ends and locked doors, knowing that they were clues. And this is a big deal!
Operation APPLE Wham boom!
Operation THIRTY SIX Wham boom!
Operation THREE SYMBOLS Wham boom!
Operation CORNCOB PIPE Wham boom!
Operation SCHMURPHY TANGO Wham boom!
Operation LUSCIOUS CURTAINS Wham boom!
Operation 2014 Athena in the Sun Part I Wham boom!
Whoosh Ha Mastodon Boom! Wham Boom! Wham Boom!
You may also shout (or whisper) other joyous words if you like.
Superpowers!
A superpower I had this week…
The superpower of Humming! I asked for this in the VPAs, and then I got it in all of these fabulous and unexpected ways.
For example, in the form of the heated massage chair at the dentist!
And the superpower of Channeling A Certain Oh Let’s Call It Sexy Awe to help with copywriting.
And a superpower I want next week.
The superpower of Entering the Bat Cave. And the superpower of Time Expands When I Need It To.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
Background. Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once invented hanging out at the Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
This week’s band apparently comes from me, but I don’t remember the context. Thanks go to Richard for reminding me that this is the band.
Cinnamon Demo Tape
They sound… kind of like that.
Though, of course, it’s really just one guy.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
The class on TIME. I feel strongly about it.
It is breaking people’s brains. But in a good way.
That’s it for me …
Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!
We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
Visions #184: the self-humming hum
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
Thing 1: Operation HUMMING.
Here’s what I want:
One of the things I learned this past week (mini-epiphany!) is that opening scares me, but humming doesn’t.
Which you’d think would not be news. I mean, I open Rally (Rally!) through humming. And I open the Crossing through humming. And my vision of the humming castle is also all about openings.
Anyway, there are all kinds of things that need to be opened right now, but the opening feels vulnerable. So I’m going to find out how I can hum them instead. Or how they can hum themselves. Self-vibrating self-radiating humming goodness.
The qualities inside of the want:
Resonance. Grounded enthusiasm. Welcoming. Belonging. Receptivity. Presence. Radiance. Steadiness. Continuity. Rejuvenation. Regeneration. Sustenance. Trust. Sun.
And the superpower of letting things harmonize through music. Harmonies!
Ways this might work:
Finding out what I already know (but don’t know that I know) about humming.
Interviewing the version of me who excels at humming, and at opening through not-opening.
I could also investigate what is useful about this particular humming and the fact that this is happening now.
And I can choose to spend time around other things that hum. Generators. Fans. Harmonicas. Cafes. People working on projects. Kazoos.
I’m playing with…
Humming the secret hum of Stompopolis.
Becoming a hum. What if I am my own nigun?
Thing 2: Operation DIPPING.
Here’s what I want:
To delight in enoughness, to delight in plenty. But mainly just to delight.
I find delight an easier entry point than trust or gratitude, and definitely easier than all those other problematic words that have to do with enough and plenty. I know how to delight in things.
So now I want to delight more. To expand my ability to find delight in small things.
The first part of this operation is just noticing things to delight in and delighting in them.
The qualities inside of the want:
Presence. Joy. Appreciation. Lusciousness. Pleasure. Trust. Sweetness. Warmth. Laughter. Awareness. Comfort. Congruence. Harmoniousness. Shining.
And the superpower of things that are this cute.
Ways this might work:
There are so many things to delight in! Dogs catching frisbees! A multitude of flavors and colors and textures! All the ways that people vary. A pot of extra-harmonious tea. Skateboarding. Bathtime! Cushions.
Dipping once. Dipping twice. Things that are double-dipped. On all other nights we do not dip not even once, but *this* night…
Delight. In. Plenty. There’s the dip.
Oh, you know what else is dipped? Candles. Yes.
I’m playing with…
Conducting delight like an orchestra conductor.
Conducting delight like a train conductor.
Conducting delight like an electrical conductor: a conduit.
Conducting delight like it is an experiment.
Conducting delight like it is music and science and electricity and moving and alive, which it is. And I am the artist, the dancer, the scientist, the explorer, the person who is close to the ground and still dreaming all the dreams. And humming.
Thing 3: On a mission of 3x Conducting
Here’s what I want:
At my Crossing the Line eight day retreat, I had everyone conduct at least ten times a day. It was… I don’t have a good enough word for what it was. Whatever I say will sound like an exaggeration but it is not.
Fine. It was extraordinary. It was transcendent. It was heaven.
And lately I have not been conducting very much, even though I now have a vault for it.
But last week I discovered that if I commit in the morning to conducting three times (even if just for two minutes each time), then I conduct at least that many times. And everything is better.
Because, as Marisa wrote on the Playground wall, CONDUCTING MAKES EVERYTHING BETTER.
Also it is part of my Year of Emptying And Replenishing (password: compass), so this is part of what I am living by in 2013.
The qualities inside of the want:
Grounding. Steadiness. Comfort. Ritual. Desire. Pleasure. Reconnection. Quiet. Peacefulness. Wonder.
And the superpower of getting quiet enough to hum, as well as the superpower of Oh Right, Nothing Is Wrong.
Ways this might work:
I can use the other people who were at the Crossing as conducting allies. Or announce when I will be conducting.
And I can plant secret reminders everywhere.
Oh, and there can be a secret agent code phrase that means “let’s conduct!”. Code for the code! How about… “I’m going to go check the wiring.”
I’m playing with…
Checking the wiring.
Thing 4: A new (secret) name for Extra Sundays
Here’s what I want:
I use Monday as a secret Sunday. Because Monday is Fake Beach Day.
And sometimes I also use Fridays as Secret Sundays. But I don’t like the phrase secret Sundays, because it sounds too much like ice cream. Sundays/sundaes.
So. Undays? Sun Days? Hum Days?
The qualities inside of the want:
Playfulness. Delight. Simplicity. Mystery. Smiling.
Ways this might work:
It could just come to me.
Or I could talk it over with metaphor mouse.
Or maybe someone here will have some fun playful suggestions.
I’m playing with…
I’ll sit at the Lodge until I know what happens next.
Noticings about the things I want this week…
There is a lot about pleasure and play, about grounding and steadiness. As always, I am happiest when I am messing about with words.
And right now I am… wait for it, delighting, in just how many things I am letting myself want and how they are all interconnected. This is progress.
Bonus wishes, please!
Some of these are secret agent code and some of them are things I’m silent retreat-ing on. Some are qualities that will help. And some are almost pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.
Replanting some from last week and adding some new ones.
- Operation Two Anthologies
- TAJHMA.
- Toozday?
- Operation G.O.O.D.W.I.L.L.
- Finalizing the design for the new business cards.
- More Secret Flowers.
- Preparing for the VICARAGE.
- Move everything around.
- Letting beauty be its own reason.
- Feet feet feet feet feet feet feet.
- The Tree of Life part III?
- The Geniza.
- 36 tiny adventurers that are leaving my home and my life.
I’m playing with…
Putting this here and letting it all percolate for however long it needs to.
Playing with bits and pieces of it in the Floop, because the Floop is magic.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I wanted to use fractal flowers on my seven missions, and it worked brilliantly.
Then I wanted secret flowers, and oh wow! Secret flowers are the best! Both the pedicure and bath bomb experiments were loaded with good things. But then I got Actual Secret Flowers when the bouquet of Seekrit Flowers From Floopers arrived on my doorstep. Secret flowers!
And there was an ask about sleep, and that actually resolved itself easily.
As for the bonus wishes…
Operation Luscious Curtains! It happened. I didn’t think it would. Wham Boom. Also my decision about January 2014 was easier than I though it would be. Friday was everything I wished for, and the secret flowers got me there. And I did let beauty be its own reason, though I’m still working on that.
Also I am still de-cobwebbing (an ask from a few weeks ago), and loving it.
Playing. Shelter for the comments.
What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like. Things sparked for your own process.
I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.
We ask for what we need, and we give each other space and spaciousness for the process.
This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We play.
That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!
As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox
Friday Chicken #233: when to press go.
Where I cover the good and the hard in my week, visiting the non-preachy side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
This week went extra-fast, the opposite of slow-motion. All the hamsters on buttered-up wheels.
What worked?
Trusting my instinct.
Where to sit. When to stop. When to wait. When to press go.
Turning everything into a secret op.
Even things like calling a friend or going to dance class.
Noticing that I was resisting a thing I thought I wanted and letting that be okay.
And then I found out why it scares me and talked to a bunch of monsters, and everything is better now.
In fact, I’m kind of glad they all showed up because now everything that did not make sense makes sense.
(For example! This whole time I’ve been trying to OPEN but then resisting the opening. But it turns out that what is needed is not to open but instead to hum. Humming instead of opening is the secret way to open things without it feeling vulnerable and scary.)
Showing Svevo around Stompopolis.
I can’t think of anything better than introducing my most favorite person to my most favorite space. This was quite possibly one of the best things that has ever happened to me.
And it was such a perfect demonstration of how it is impossible to describe Stompopolis. I thought I’d given a really good, detailed description of what it was like but when we got there, he gasped.
He was absolutely flabbergasted. Completely awe-struck. Overcome with joy. He said later that going through the door was like being dropped from a spaceship and landing in a mysterious beautiful meadow of unknown flowers and colors, filled with delight. He said it was like the first time you go scuba diving: you just cannot imagine how beautiful, how striking, how different, what a feast for the senses it is. This entirely new world, its own complete world.
Oh, my heart. I felt so reassured about my inability to do Stompopolis justice or write decent copy for it. It can’t be done. You just have to experience it. Because that kind of magic and containment and majesty just cannot be summed up.
Though isn’t this a wonderful sentence? Here is what Svevo said:
“I think anyone who walks in that door can’t help but have something happen to them. Something exquisite.”
Next time I might…
Do more entry.
A lot. You know what? Even a little.
But more preparing for the voyage. Even two more minutes to sit and breathe before [Thing X], no matter what Thing X is.
Remember that de-cobwebbing stirs up dust. And then you cough a lot.
Metaphorical dust and metaphorical coughing but still.
Whenever I clear out a bunch of old crap (physical stuff that has emotional stuff attached to it), I feel better for having cleared it. But while it’s being cleared and shortly after, there’s dust.
I want to remember that it’s not “Uh oh, what’s all this gunk and emotion?”, and go straight to “Oh right, here are the remnants of THEN exiting, and yeah, I might feel a bit foggy while it’s happening.”
The hard.
- Overwhelmed.
- Nightmares.
- Waking up at 2am.
- Worried about an old friend.
- Being right next to one inane conversation after another. Even at the Lodge, where that never happens.
- Distance. All the kinds at once.
- Overbooked.
- Not spending time with my playmate.
- Three different things that in my head were going to be fun turned out to be unbearably boring.
- Other people’s panics. Other people’s projections onto me.
- Too much socialize! People I like and productive meetings and all good things, but way too much interpersonal interaction for this HSP.
- Body doing something it used to do but hadn’t for quite a while and I had really hoped that we were done with this.
- Zombie days from not sleeping.
- I forgot how exhausting [Thing Y] is.
- Misunderstandings.
- Finishing a bunch of big operations and realizing that I didn’t know how to feel celebratory about this.
- Wanting.
The good.
- I have tights and they sparkle and I think they might be magic. I am wearing them right now and they are making all the things better.
- Being called the wrong name for the last time. Three times in a week, but for the last time.
- Friday night.
- Following a strong instinctive pull that lead to an entire trail of these that resulted in a series of wonderful things.
- Dance. Every day.
- Bounce bounce.
- When I woke up at 2am, I rearranged my old office. De-cobwebbing superpowers activate!
- Being told that I look like Kim Basinger. Which I’m pretty sure I don’t. But I so appreciate a boy at a bar using a reference someone from my generation can recognize.
- Twenty one days until I’m off to the Vicarage.
- Sending out the surprise ebook for the class on TIME.
- The class on TIME.
- YAY TRUCKS.
- Words with Wally. Creme de la creme.
- “You can dance if you want to / you can leave your friends behind”
- Watching the Clippers beat the Lakers. They just barely squeaked by but they did maintain the lead the entire time.
- Problem-solving. And then it turned out they weren’t even problems. Uh huh.
- A spectacularly great hair day.
- I am looking forward to so many things! Including tonight and the Vicarage and something happening next January and seeing Kyle on Sunday. I hardly ever look forward to things. This is new and fun!
- All the progress on the secret ops. Including Toozday when I had seven operations all going at once and six were taken care of…
- Eddie helped me plan a slide.
- Two different fake beach days, one of them under the stars.
- Playing.
- My favorite uncle (and person) showed up in town! And stayed with me.
- I got to show three different people around Stompopolis this week (“Look at my baby!!!!”) and it was magical.
- Delicious Iraqi food and great company. Also I finally got to meet Carl the Dog.
- My cousin Noah lives in Portland now and we are practically neighbors and he is great.
- Playdates for writing.
- The phrase “Turn music into lace.”
- Lots of useful processing.
- The monkey.
And the best-best thing ever!
A gorgeous surprise bouquet of flowers showed up mysteriously on my porch yesterday.
It came with a secret-agent-code note and turned out to be from a group of Floopers who have (secretly!) banded together to get me months and months of flowers. I feel all the feelings: Astonished! Delighted! Appreciative! Adored!
This combines my three favorite things in the world: being a spy, letting flowers make things better (transforming space), and knowing that I am appreciated. I am bouncing around my house delightedly right now. THE BEST!
WHAM BOOM! Operations completed this week:
The phrase Whoosh Ha Mastodon Boom is secret agent code that means: this op is done, baby! It is often shortened to WHAM boom.
B-bop Mission Melon Wham boom!
Operation Watchcap Wham boom!
Stompitty Yay: Operation Name Bells Wham boom!
Operation Secret Letter Wham boom!
The 7? Red Rose Missive Wham boom!
The 7? Visions Wham boom!
Operation Try Ribbons (Milliner II) Wham boom!
Whoosh Ha Mastodon Boom! Wham Boom! Wham Boom!
You may also shout (or whisper) other joyous words if you like.
Superpowers!
A superpower I had this week…
The superpower of sitting next to exactly the right person in the exact right moment.
And a superpower I want next week.
The superpower of celebrating a thing that is finished.
Really and truly feeling it. Not just nodding and moving on to the next thing. Not dismissing it as a drop in the bucket. Really appreciating that I worked hard: movement is happening, even if I can’t see it or feel it.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
Background. Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once invented hanging out at the Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
This week’s band showed up in the ebook I wrote for the TIME class.
Special Monster Appendix.
Mmhmmm. Though, of course, it’s really just one guy.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
DOLPHINS!
If you’ve been wanting to join the Floop (the Floating Playground) or to play with me during the Year of Emptying And Replenishing (password: compass)…
If you want payment options, they happen through the Dolphin Adoption Agency.
That’s it for me …
Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!
We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
Visions #183: fractal AND secret
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
Thing 1: Fractal Flowers
Here’s what I want:
The technique/concept of fractal flowers is when you work on one thing and you let it secretly work on all the other things. Or you trust that doing X is somehow related to doing Y.
For example, writing the weekly VPAs right now is going to help me with all my projects for this week. I don’t know how yet but it will. Maybe it will show me something. Maybe it will serve as conscious entry. Maybe I’ll find a clew or access a quality. Maybe I won’t ever know how.
The point is, fractal flowers change my approach. Writing these isn’t taking me away from the other projects, it is working on them. Just under the surface.
Anyway, this week is an astoundingly busy week: Stompopolis projects, Floop projects, preparing to take two weeks off to go to the Vicarage, and the class on TIME which is this Thursday.
I have 7 missions that are all in flux.
So. Fractal flowers, please. Each thing I do helps all the other things! And I can feel it… slowly at first and then with more and more clarity and delight.
The qualities inside of the want:
Spontaneity, Serendipity, Flow, Magic, Surprises, Receptivity, Plenty, Spaciousness, Containment, Safety, Steadiness, Reassurance, Faith, Hope.
Ways this might work:
I don’t know. But that’s the whole point of fractal flowers: I don’t need to know.
I’m playing with…
Trust, trust and more trust.
And being as playful about this as I can, when I can.
Thing 2: Operation SECRET FLOWERS.
Here’s what I want:
This is kind of related to the fractal flowers but it’s more overtly related to my proxy mission from my Crossing the Line retreat, where I pretended that I was at the Crossing to study why flowers make everything better.
So now I know why flowers make everything better, and my new focus is on secret flowers secretly making things better. Things that function like flowers but they are not actually flowers.
For example, a pedicure is a form of secret flowers: it provides pleasure and color and beauty and comfort. With elements of ritual. Also the part where you look down and remember: specialness!
Similarly, it seems (to my monsters) like an Unnecessary Extravagance but it can also be transformational and part of a bigger process.
Another form of secret flowers (for me) is a bath bomb. Monsters don’t even like me writing about this. Girly! Extravagant! Stupid! We might have to rename it. But it’s a secret flower because scent and newness and sensual pleasure.
And because, much like flowers, it changes the bigger experience.
Anyway, I think this ask right now is mostly about investigating secret flowers, learning more about them and finding out what this mission is all about.
The qualities inside of the want:
Pleasure. Delight. Surprise. Smiling. Radiance. Resonance. Quiet. Peacefulness. Marveling. Softness. Wonder. Steadiness. Change.
Ways this might work:
There is a version of Incoming Me who excels at this. She is crazy good at this secret flowers thing. She finds it fun.
She knows how to plant things. And to set it up.
She is always smiling a secret smile about all the secret flowers.
So I think I’m going to ask her for some tips.
I’m playing with…
Smiling every time I see a flower or an image/representation of a flower, or even a bag of flour…. YES.
Thing 3: Something about sleep.
Here’s what I want:
So I don’t know if you guys remember this but last January I stopped sleeping.
Still not sure why, but that’s what happened.
I’d go to bed, and then suddenly wake up at 2am, fully awake.
It was awful. Every day was zombie day.
Anyway, it’s happening again but it’s different. Mainly because last year I just HATED it, and suffered. But this year I don’t seem to mind.
I want deep, restful sleep. And I want to continue to be okay with waking up early if it keeps happening. To stay committed to rejuvenation, in a variety of forms.
The qualities inside of the want:
Rest. Comfort. Peacefulness. Curiosity. Discovery. Trust. Rhythm. Reassurance. Resetting. Readiness.
Ways this might work:
I want to take a look at some Past Januaries of my life.
I definitely remember that the awful insomnia during my first year of university in Tel Aviv was in the winter.
Is this a thing that happens at this time? Something for the Almanac in the Book of Me?
And what do I want to change about January and my relationship to January, and/or about sleep and my relationship with sleep? Investigating.
I’m playing with…
Conducting (it’s code!) before bed.
Continuing with all the de-cobwebbing I’ve been doing.
Noticings about the things I want this week…
Time and space, of course. And it seems like reassurance is really important to me right now. Mmmm.
Bonus wishes, please!
Some of these are secret agent code and some of them are things I’m silent retreat-ing on. Some are qualities that will help. And some are almost pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.
- Fun words.
- Marisa as my neighbor?!
- Operation G.O.O.D.W.I.L.L.
- Operation Luscious Curtains.
- Finalizing the design for the new business cards.
- A solemn promise.
- Decide about January 2014.
- Watches and watches.
- Stompitty yay!
- Friday.
- On this night we dip twice? Dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip. Just watch me.
- Playing a different kind of game.
- Letting beauty be its own reason.
I’m playing with…
Paying attention. Taking it to the Conducting Vault. Pauses.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I wanted to come up with a way of keeping track of special ops, and I figured out how. It’s a combination of the Floop, the Paperless app and the Red Rose Missives.
Next I wanted to open the doors of the Dolphin Adoption Agency to the public, and I did! There is still some work to be done there so I’m re-planting the ask, but the main thing was DOLPHINS, and dolphins are happening. Yay.
Then I was working on Operation Milliner, which was rewriting and editing the highly-charged and very subversive fifty page bonus ebook for the Time Class (there’s also a lot of swearing in it, I should tell you right now). And that is done! Sending it out today, I hope.
And I can’t remember what any of the bonus wishes were about, but they sound awesome. I hope they are all sparkling away, doing marvelous things. Maybe they are their own fractal and/or secret flowers. 🙂
Playing. Shelter for the comments.
What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like. Things sparked for your own process.
I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.
We ask for what we need, and we give each other space and spaciousness for the process.
This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We play.
That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!
As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox