Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.

Each week I write these VPAs to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.

I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!

You probably don’t remember this at all but when we got to Friday Chicken #101 almost a year ago, it was called things to do on a rainy day.

As in: 101 Things To Do on Said Day of Rain. Anyway, I won’t be able to make this increasingly stupid joke again for another hundred weeks, so enjoy it while you can. Let’s do this!

Thing 1: gloves! colorful gloves!

Here’s what I want:

We moved the giant ship’s wheel at the Playground up higher on the wall so that it looks more dramatic. If you saw the first video of me in the pink wig, you can see how it was before.

But it makes it harder for people to accurately mirror what my hands are doing when I’m teaching Shiva Nata, especially in Horizontal 1 and Horizontal 4.

So I’m thinking costumes! Because that’s basically what I always think.

Bright gloves? Sparkly gloves? Ideally fingerless, of course.

Who’s got some?

Ways this could work:

I can dig through that one cabinet where things hide and maybe I’ll find those orange ones I used to have.

Maybe one of you guys has a pair not in use that you can send. Or maybe you know where I could get the perfect, crazy thing. Etsy shop recommendation?

My commitment.

To play! To experiment. To keep trying things.

To go Gwen Stefani on this and be fearlessly ridiculous in all of my teaching outfit choices for a while, just to see what happens.

I can — uh, theoretically — play with this at Rally (Rally!) this week. We’ll see!

Thing 2: Shiva Nata at Derby Daze!

Here’s what I want:

The Rose City Rollers (Portland’s roller derby league) host a yearly three-day derby retreat in August.

Last year’s sounded so amazing, and I had this crazy beautiful idea about running some Extreme Agility and Badass Coordination trainings (aka Shiva Nata) for the skaters — sort of like what I do for the team we sponsor. Go Guns N Rollers!

And then I did absolutely nothing with it.

And then this week @openlybalanced asked me about this year. Like, wouldn’t it be the most awesome thing EVER if the off-skates training for Derby Daze would be a shivanautical thing with me.

And I’m all yeah baby wheeeeeeee! Got super excited. And haven’t done anything.

Ways this could work:

Let’s see.

I could make a list of all my allies and resources who could help with this.

It could turn out that the connections I already have are enough.

It could turn out that everything needed for this is already in place.

There could be big fabulous enthusiasm and delight about it!

My commitment.

To stay with the gwish. To ride the enthusiasm.

To talk to any monsters who aren’t on board and find out what they need to feel safe with this. Internal investigation.

And of course I will use Shiva Nata to flail on it and see what patterns it shows me.

Thing 3: help spreading the word!

Here’s what I want:

I’m doing this no-cost snack preview (more fun than a sneak preview) picnic call on June 30.

It’s a fun group call. We’ll be talking about Shiva Nata, insights and epiphanies, ways to have fun and play, and a bunch of sneaky ways to teach and learn, as well as whatever else you want to know.

There will be a Chattery (like a chat room but better because it’s a Chattery) and it will be a beautiful time.

I want lots of lovely people! And questions! And an audience. And hilarity and fun. And I want help spreading the word.

Ways this could work:

First I am just going to ask.

It would mean so much to me if you guys could spread the word and invite people.

Here, online, on your blogs, at the Twitter bar or on Facebook (visit us at the Frolicsome Bar!), whatever works.

I am going to give you the link:

http://shivanata.com/blog/updates/sneak-preview-also-snack-preview-june-30th

What else? I can tell my friends, students, fellow shivanauts. And keep brainstorming. And dancing.

My commitment.

To keep finding ways to get better at asking for help and support.

And receiving it.

Thing 4: appreciation (and a new pattern)

Here’s what I want:

Last week I was at a dance class and the teacher was telling us about a class he’s teaching at a dance conference — a class of 2500 people! Imagine!

And I was so excited and happy for him! We all were. And even though I’m weird and freaky about crowds, the thought of that kind of intense energy — all those people doing the same thing at the same time! — was so powerful and inspiring.

My heart is singing and happily zooming just thinking about it.

And there is also a place of envy in my heart.

Not for the insanely world-changingly giant classes, though that would be amazing and I am sure it will happen one day. But for the outpouring of rejoicing that happened when he told us. Oh! I want like that!

In my experience, every time I’ve mentioned to my people that I am thinking of something bigger, so many of them freak out about what that change will mean for them and how they will be uncomfortable because of my biggification.

They’re in their pain and their discomfort, and that’s okay. Their story, their process.

But where my patterns come in is that moment of hurt. That painful longing for appreciation.

I am noticing how much I crave that kind of delight and rejoicing with me. To know that I am supported while I am growing this thing I care about so passionately.

Ways this could work:

Meeting my pain. Giving it room to exist. And permission to be there.

And then I can begin to work on the parts of this that are mine: my own pain and my own stuff.

How? By interviewing myself, my doing the alignment exercise, by doing everything we do here in order to destuckify and find a new, more sovereign relationship with this experience.

I can do Shiva Nata on it to figure out what the old patterns are and rewrite them.

Experimentation!

I can try to find the places where there already is so much love and appreciation for what I do. And I can try to find the shadow places: are there situations in which I also try to keep other people small because I am in pain?

My commitment.

To be curious. To ask open, compassionate questions. To release attachment to what I think the answers should be.

To conduct a loving investigation into this, without needing to fix anything. Just to find out what is going on and what the various parts of me need in order to heal. To keep moving.

Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.

Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.

I wanted more Shiva Nata roller derby classes (hark! a theme!), and they’re being set up.

Then I asked for recommendations for the just-right gym bag and got plenty of great suggestions. Thank you!

Movement on the Shiva Nata iPhone app? Not really. Still waiting on legal to get things going.

Walking? More than I had been doing, maybe not as much as I’d like. I am going to re-work those last two asks and see what is missing and how I can change my relationship to it.

And I wanted celebration and recognition (aha! there it is again!) for sticking with the Very Personal Ads for one hundred whole weeks, and you guys were awesome about rejoicing with me, so thank you for that. Hugely appreciated!

Comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.

Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for. Or updates on last time!

Stuff I’d rather not have:

The word “manifest”. To be told how I should be asking for things. To be judged, psychoanalyzed or given unsolicited advice.

Much love for your gwishes! So happy to have you doing this with me.