What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
Very Personal Ads #95: always more edges
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these VPAs to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
95!
We’re getting really close to one hundred consecutive weeks of VPA-ing with Very Personal Ads.
Ideas for how to celebrate?
I will start pre-emptively running around and cheering. Possibly also with balloons.
Thing 1: Chalkboard!
Here’s what I want:
Last week I redecorated and generally re-everything-ed the Toy Shop at the Playground, so that it would feel loved and adored and look beautiful and sparkly.
And now we need a chalkboard.
Chalkboard!
Ideally in time for Rally (Rally!)
Ways this could work:
I could find one on Craigslist.
One of you might have a suggestion. Or maybe one of my readers in Portland has one or knows someone who does.
My commitment.
To buy colorful chalk and yell CHALK!
To appreciate this new piece of the Playground and everything it represents.
To enjoy this period of transformation as much as I can, even as it involves working through a lot of my stuff.
Thing 2: Help and support with resolving a painful pattern.
Here’s what I want:
I’ve been encountering a lot of old hurts and stucknesses, especially as they relate to business and growth.
And it’s time to let go of a series of internal rules about how WORKING is supposed to function. I’d like this to happen with as much ease and grace as is possible.
Ways this could work:
Let’s see.
Writing. Flailing the flail to make new connections.
Talking to monsters. Bringing out the Moderators.
Consulting Slightly Future Me.
And doing old Turkish lady yoga, of course.
My commitment.
To be curious and patient.
To ask warm, loving questions without attachment to one answer or another.
To remember that one day this stuff won’t have any hold over me. I will be done with it, and working with other patterns and other pain.
Thing 3: Someone I need to forgive.
Here’s what I want:
There’s some forgiveness that needs to happen and I am not in the mood. Yet.
So I’d like some ease and relief with that.
I don’t know if actual progress will happen or not, but I’m working on it.
Ways this could work:
I can make lists of how now is not then.
Maybe do some work with metaphors.
Make space for possibility.
My commitment.
I don’t have to go directly into the pain. It is always okay to dance around the edges.
Lots and lots of safe rooms for me!
Thing 4: Confidence!
Here’s what I want:
We have dates to film some Shiva Nata video. And I have been feeling… bashful and extremely camera-shy.
It would be really great if this could start shifting.
Ways this could work:
The pink wig, of course! Everything is better with a pink wig!
Lots of gentle testing the waters. Nothing formal. Nothing set in stone.
Just curious, inquisitive, investigative practice to find out what I need to feel comfortable doing this.
My commitment.
To try things.
To laugh.
To give myself a million permission slips.
To not rush any of this.

Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I wanted progress on making a Shiva Nata FAQ and got so ridiculously stalled that it’s clear there is Underlying Stuff there.
So I’m going to have to rethink that ask and investigate some more. I wonder if it needs a new metaphor? Possibly.
Then I wanted a spectacularly great class with the roller derby team that I sponsor, and it was. They’re all shivanauts now!
Also I wanted to write up notes from a bunch of things, and nope, that didn’t happen either. Again, I think there are some symbolic factors at work that are worth exploring, and that’s some of what this week’s asks are about.
And I wanted to rewrite the Rally page for Rally (Rally!) and that’s where all this old pain stuff started coming from. So I’m glad I asked, because now I’m getting to do a lot of clearing-out of old gunk. Ahahahaha. It’s good timing.

Comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.
Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for. Or updates on last time!
Stuff I’d rather not have:
The word “manifest”. To be told how I should be asking for things. To be judged, psychoanalyzed or given unsolicited advice.
Much love for your gwishes! So happy to have you doing this with me.
Friday Chicken #143: the chicken never lies
In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
Apparently it’s Friday.
That feels wrong, but the chicken never lies. So here we are. Friday!
The hard stuff
Tired and then napping and then missing half the day.
I don’t know what was going on, but man it must have been intense because I wanted to do nothing but sleep.
And half hour pick-me-up naps kept turning into four hour nap marathons.
That part was kind of nice while it was happening, but then you realize that the day is over and nothing is done, and you have to make peace with that and it turns out that I am not good at that.
Just fixed an entertaining typo — “marathorns” instead of marathons. Which tells you how I feel about marathons.
Monsters and walls and stucknesses. Lions and tigers and bears!.
Actually I lied, and I do know why I’ve been wanting to do nothing but sleep.
This week was all about the hard. I am in a serious growth period right now, and my monsters and I were in full-on negotiations, Camp David style.
Time-consuming, exhausting and painful.
Alas, no follow-through.
Last week’s amazing in-the-zone whoosh of getting things done left a bunch of loose ends that were going to all be neatly tied up this week.
But that didn’t happen.
And it took me a while to realize it wasn’t going to happen, and so I kept fighting and trying to nudge it into happening, when that’s not the way it works.
Insert ore monster-ey stuff there about how this is why projects are useless since you leave them half-finished, grumble grumble. And back to processing!
The never-ending phone calls of doom.
So I have gotten considerably better at working creatively with my intermittent phone phobia.
And instead of calls, I have secret spy missions to set up the next rendezvous and collect clues.
But this week there were about sixteen thousand of these. Sigh.
And it’s not like you feel better about anything when you’re done. Just momentary relief, followed by the realization that now you have to go to the dentist, and meet people and be nice.
Still disoriented. Calendar not helping.
Is it really truly almost May?!
How did that even happen? Oh, right. My ridiculously long Slump of Burnout. Got it.
The good stuff
Roller Derby + Shiva Nata = best thing in the entire world.
I taught a Shiva Nata class to fifteen of the Guns N Rollers (the team that Selma and I sponsor) and it was so much fun that I am still kind of in awe.
We did hard core body-brain coordination madness. There was much flailing, giggling and yelling.
We worked on blocking, hitting and sprinting, all without being on skates.
It was crazy and wonderful and I can’t wait to do it again.
Redecorating!
I always make a ton of changes at the Playground between events, but this month has been the most fun.
We have been completely redoing the Toy Shop, and it is absolutely transformed.
A ton of work this week, but so worth it. I’m feeling really good about how this neglected space is becoming so magical and sparkly!
Butt monsters! We have butt monsters, people!
The butt monsters are the most-adored things at the Playground. Everyone wants one, and I am constantly being asked if I will sell them.
Except that I love the butt-monsters too much to part with them, and the woman who makes them had disappeared.
She came back! And now we have twenty squeezy and charming butt-monsters for sale in the shop. Get them fast because they are going to disappear.
Also, I am kind of half in love with all of them, and sitting on my hands not to buy them myself.
The Shiva Nata teacher training!
It’s not until September, but just looking at the people who have already signed up, it’s going to be a seriously fantastic mix of people.
Like at the last training, there are some people who have been shiva-ing it up for a while and some people who have no idea what it is and have never tried it, but know that this will be a crazy, wonderful thing so they’re coming. I love it.
Making lots of plans and generally having fun.
Speaking of, progress!
The re-re-recording of the audio for the Shiva Nata iPhone app went really well. Better than expected.
And I learned a secret which is that wearing a pink wig makes everything easier, and so from now on I’m just going to do that for everything.
Speaking of, epiphanies!
All the Shiva Nata baking my brain has resulted in some VERY big understandings, that are doing good things in my business.
There’s no way I would have been able to handle all the monster negotiations this week without the shivanautical insights, so that was really fortunate.
Tradition. I like it.
My friend Dana found me this week having dinner.
That’s because I was at my regular place on my regular day at the regular time in my regular seat drinking my regular drink and having my regular food.
And it just made me so happy that a) I have these lovely containers for my life, and b) that my friends come and find me in them.
And … playing live at the meme beach house it’s the Fake Band of the Week!
My brother and I have this thing where we come up with ridiculous band names and then say in this really pretentious, knowing tone, “Oh, well, you know, it’s just one guy.”
This week’s band makes me giggle.
The Florida Quease
Yes, well. I imagine it’s kind of a swingy country sound. And yes, it’s really just one guy.

That’s it for me …
And of course you can join in my Friday ritual right here in the comments if you feel like it.
Yes? Anything hard and/or good happen in your week?
And, as always, have a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come. Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s okay if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — you can join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
Popsicle sticks and permission slips
It seemed like the kind of day for some permission slips.
Permission to not know. Or not know how.
Permission to not have to follow everything to the end, whatever that is. Walking out of the movie is okay. So is changing the project.
Permission to wish for aspects of someone else’s superpowers, knowing that this does not in any way diminish theirs.
Permission to flail around and make mistakes, like we do in Shiva Nata.
To try things. To be wrong and have that be okay.
Permission to forget.
Even if you’ve forgotten about something that’s really important to you.
And permission to then remember it again.
When you’re ready.
Permission to be in the stuck for a while.
To hit a wall. Maybe even lots of walls.
To find yourself in the land of plateau. To stop and start. To stop and not be ready to start.
To put off X [example: reading my book on procrastination!] for as long as you want, without thinking that this is a sign that you will never get around to it.
It isn’t. It’s your process.
Seriously. It’s called the dissolve-o-matic for a reason. Dissolving doesn’t happen through force.
Permission to let everyone else have their stuff.
To return everyone else’s projections, as Hiro says.
To remember that the rising tide lifts all boats — what is good for others is not bad for you.
To cry when you need to cry and laugh when you need to laugh.
To not have to justify yourself to anyone.
Permission to not be ready.
To not have answers.
To not have a five year plan.
To not know what your thing is. To not have a thing!
To hide. To scramble. To wonder. To not know what you want. To not apologize for wanting it when you do know.
To come to the shivanautical teacher training even if you have no idea what you’re doing, just because it’s tingly.
Permission to make your own permission slips.

And tape them to popsicle sticks and wave them around, if you feel like it.
Permission to know that permission does not come from me.
It is yours. Amnesty belongs to you — it is an inherent thing like sovereignty, not something that I have and hand out. It’s everywhere.
I am going to the Playground to mess around with glitter pipe cleaners (arts and crafts supplies are so much cooler now than when I was a kid!) and make some more permission slips.
Aside! Do you know Amy? Amy also makes wearable permission slips (I’m pretty sure this is one of the ideas that she came up while rallying it up at Rally!).
If you would like to invent things to go on permission slips and share them here, that would be lovely.
And an extra permission slips for our permission slips to not have to be interesting, original or whatever. They are reminders. They exist for us.
A Dick Tracy lunchbox gave me some decent advice.
When I get stalled and stuckified — which happens all the time — I have this game I play.
You stop whatever you’re doing. You look around and find five objects.
Objects isn’t really a big enough category. Five somethings. Could also be things like colors, words or sensations.
And then you pretend that each one is a symbol. More than a symbol. A clue.
You decide that each of these somethings has some information for you. It holds some piece that you need for finding your way through the hard.

Like this.
When I go through my project notebooks or the writings from Rally (Rally!), this exercise shows up every few pages. I do it kind of a lot.
And it’s insanely helpful, both at the time I’m doing it (because it turns the stuck into play and conscious interaction), and after the fact.
It’s also fairly entertaining to peek at my notes and see what the five things are. If they’re crazy, then I was at the Playground. If they’re standard things like furniture or a window, I was in my office.
Note to self: office needs to get way more fun…
Five clues to help me make changes in a program that I teach.
- The word PUZZLE
- This fuzzy orange pipe cleaner
- “Watching the big ships”
- Wearable wings
- Pink fairy door with potted plants
And what do they want to tell me about making these changes?
Puzzle says:
Intrigue people. Make them think and make them work for it. If not by applications then maybe by doing some sort of exercise before they come. Leave clues for them.
Fuzzy orange pipe cleaner says:
The new website changes will help. Put up lots of pictures. Mention me. Describe the experiences. Make it all about play.
The idea of watching the big ships says:
Watch the ships. ORDER and PROCESS. Each piece has its place. What looks like slow progress is actually the timing of things.
The wings say:
Trust. You are doing what is needed. Stick with it.
The pink fairy door with the plants says:
There are many ways this could happen. Commit to being surprised. Run with it.
Five clues to help me know what to do next.
- Rex the pig, sprawled on his chair.
- Dick Tracy lunchbox.
- Pink stencils.
- Pirate monkey meditation cushion.
- The word SHARPIE (because I’m holding a sharpie!).
What do they know about whatever needs to happen next?
Rex the pig: Do more child’s pose!
Dick Tracy lunchbox: Carry things with you and create designated spaces.
Pink stencils: There is a shape and form for everything — just use it.
Pirate monkey cushion: Sit and be playful, because it always helps.
SHARPIE: Cut through the unknown by deciding that you’re going to play.
Five clues to help me write a blog post.
- Red lamp.
- Pink wig.
- Blooming lilacs out the window.
- Stack of coasters.
- Billy Joel.
What do they know about writing blog posts?
Red lamp: You never know who the light is going to impact, you just keep radiating.
Pink wig: Put me on and become another aspect of yourself.
Blooming lilacs: Walk outside and breathe — you’ll feel so much better.
Stack of coasters: Everything is interchangeable.
Billy Joel: *hums* Go ahead with your own life, leave me alone….
Okay!

Play with me? Caveats, ideas, comment zen…
If you can’t find five things near you, wander around until they show up. Conscious and intentional wandering around is a good way to destuckify anyway.
If you don’t like the advice they give, ask again. Or reframe the question. Or check to see that it’s not actually your fuzzball monsters trying to sabotage the game.
If the monsters say this is stupid, agree with them. And then suggest they go along with it anyway as an experiment to prove them right.
If they say it’s a waste of time, agree with them. And point out that since you’re already stuck and nothing is working, you might as well try it.
Sometimes, even when you know from experience how useful this game is, it’s still hard to remember to use it. I keep a reminder in the oh-no-everything-sucks section of the Book of Me.
Also! Reading my notes later is like running a Revue. I can see how I got out of the hard and then try to replicate it! Yay.
The usual reminder.
We all have our stuff. We’re all working on our stuff. It’s a process. We create safety for other people to share the stuff they’re working on by not giving them unsolicited advice.
If you’d like to play the Finding Five Clews thing with me, that would be lovely. And you can use this for absolutely anything, so if you want to invent other uses and experiments, that could be fun too.
Beacons.
I have been looking for a special word to describe the kinds of companies and organizations whose culture, essence and qualities I admire.
The businesses whose superpowers I’m invoking when I make decisions for my own business.
–> The Fluent Self, Inc — aka the pirate ship and our new island and the port we’re building… 🙂
So I consulted with metaphor mouse, and the word we ended up with was beacons.
Beacons!
They emit light.
They penetrate fog. They give off signals — signals that can act as both warning or celebration. They show you where you could go, if you wanted to. And the word is related to beckon, which is kind of awesome.
So. Here are the beacons for my business. Note that not all of them share similar business models — what I’m looking at instead is essence, qualities and that jumbled thing we call culture.

Zingerman’s.
I’ve referenced Zingerman’s in a number of posts — as early on as Betty Boop is my business coach (nearly three years ago).
They were featured in the excellent book Small Giants, whose subtitle — Companies that choose to be great instead of big — pretty much sums up my entire philosophy.
Instead of becoming a chain, they intentionally stayed local, to huge success.
And — in an inspiring have-cake–eat-it-too way, they’re still a thriving international company, due to the magic of the internet. Now they have a giant side business based on mail order, and they run business trainings on how to replicate what they’ve done.
There are a couple dozen other things I admire about them but in the interest of brevity, here are three:
- the quirky, silly, light-hearted, playful, colorful, distinctive graphic look and feel.
- the ridiculously high quality of training for all employees, which is very much based on the concept of sovereignty, even if they don’t call it that.
- the endless creative and non-traditional ways they’ve found to innovate (bacon camp!) and expand (the candy manufactory!).
The qualities that I’m inspired by:
Creativity, play, sovereignty, joyfulness, courage, expansiveness, service, certainty, trust, possibility.
Roller Derby!
Specifically WFTDA, the Women’s Flat Track Derby Association, but also the larger culture beyond the official organization. Everything from the derby nerds network to the drag names to the boutfits.
I love all of it.
And I am especially in awe of the way a massive organization made up of a ton of moving parts has been able to face the growth challenges that come with going from tiny to enormous in just a few years.
The qualities that I’m inspired by:
Fearlessness, power, order, trust, agility, adaptability, grace, speed, creativity, play.
Also the inclusivity: once you’re in derby, you’re derby for life. There is such an atmosphere of welcoming and belonging.
And the fun. The fact that even as a fast-changing, highly competitive athletic experience, there’s still a lot of room for fun. And for tutu-and/or-kilt-wearing referees.
Last night I taught a Shiva Nata class with the bad-ass Guns N Rollers (the team I sponsor), and it was seriously the most fun I have ever had working with athletes. We tore it up, but in the spirit of silliness. IT WAS AMAZING!
Michael Port.
This is an interesting one, because Michael and I have really different styles, in terms of marketing, voice, products, pretty much everything. There’s a lot we don’t necessarily agree on.
So maybe not a stylistic beacon or a content beacon, but a beacon in how he thinks about business and how he approaches it. I admire him.
Michael is the one who taught me about how to work with a team pirate crew, as I call it. He taught me how to hire and how to train.
I’ve learned other useful things from him as well. Like how to have deep love for your people without getting sucked into their stuff.
And the thing that I secretly think of as the inverse hourglass approach.
The qualities that I’m inspired by:
Trust, order, structure, caring, compassion, spaciousness, motivation, drive, love.
And there’s also something in there about belonging. Making room for people.
My friend Hiro and my uncle Svevo.
Two bright, creative, self-aware, fun-loving entrepreneurs, each of whom manages to live in a really sovereign way.
When they work on their businesses, they do it through play and experimentation.
Business does not get in the way of the desire to nap or go for a walk.
A feeling of urgency is a sign that there’s some internal stuff to investigate and check in with, not something that they assume is reality.
The qualities that I’m inspired by:
They do business the way they do everything else: in integrity, wholeness, patience, simplicity, wonder and delight.
Also: Comfort, trust, kindness, play, light-heartedness, provision, patience and forgiveness.
McMenamins.
The McMenamins brothers have done all sorts of spectacular things with unlikely and often abandoned buildings, in Oregon and Washington.
Like Zingerman’s, they’re another example of going big while staying local — and finding ways to grow and expand without trying to be everywhere at once or taking the bullying low road.
Cough. Starbucks.
The McMenamins spaces are all different, but they all share a similar feel, and similar warmth and goofiness.
And the concept of three-dollar-movies while getting beer and pizza delivered to your seat has made them beloved of Portlanders in particular.
Like with anything that grows, there are as many people who dislike them as like them, but I’m still hugely impressed by the choices they have made.
The qualities that I’m inspired by:
Experimentation, play, leadership, structure, innovation, conscious expansion, building community, delight in small details.

Those are my beacons.
These are the people, businesses and qualities that I’m keeping in mind as I steer the pirate ship towards bigger things and the adventures to come.
Sometimes when I’m feeling unsure of the future, I ask myself what Svevo would do, or how I’d solve a particular problem if I were the McMenamins brothers.
Having beacons doesn’t necessarily always tell me where to go, but it tells me that someone else has crossed these waters before.
And it gives me hope and inspiration. I can’t get lost if I follow the qualities.
Play with me? Comment zen for today…
I would absolutely love to know who your beacons are (in business, blogging or life in general), and what you’re inspired by.
As always, we’re all working on our stuff. Business is a trigger-filled topic and so we tread gently with other people’s stuff and let them have their own experience.
Not interested in: Arguing. People are entitled to their own beacons. No one is implying that their beacons should be your beacons. If you happen to dislike any of my beacons, that’s not information that needs to be shared.
What I would love: Thoughts on beacons and who/what your beacons are or might be, and anything related to this practice of finding the qualities.
That is all. Much love to all the commenter mice, the Beloved Lurkers and anyone who reads.