What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
Very Personal Ads #93: Toozday is find-the-clews-day!
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these VPAs to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
And while we’re gwishing, send some love for Portland’s Wheels of Justice. Bouting against the B.A.D. Girls today.
Thing 1: dance dance dance dance
Here’s what I want:
Movement, and lots of it.
Literally, figuratively, symbolically, I don’t really care at this point.
Ways this could work:
With some speedy and intense shivanautical flailing, of course.
With music. In the dark. At the Playground.
Any or all of the above.
My commitment.
To shake things up.
Thing 2: pesach ease
Here’s what I want:
Passover is not even slightly the most annoying holiday, but it does have certain elements that drive me completely batty.
I’d like everything to just kind of work out, without too much effort on my part.
Ways this could work:
Let the gentleman friend be in charge of all the cooking, of course.
My commitment.
To pay attention to what I need, how I’m feeling, and what the new patterns need to be.
Thing 3: updates!
Here’s what I want:
Last week at Rally (Rally!), which was fantastic by the way, I made a lot of progress on various projects and web stuff.
But I haven’t actually updated any of it.
I need to start moving this progress from my brain, notebooks and computer files to where it needs to go.
Also to update the Rally page with success stories, since we’re constantly collecting them.
Like how at this past Rally, someone wrote the mission statement for her new business in a few minutes in the hammock, after being stalled on it for months. Awesome.
Ways this could work:
I could just do it.
Also at Drunk Pirate Council. That could help.
I could find myself in the zone. Or use Shiva Nata to get there.
My commitment.
To ask for help and support. To not try and go it alone.
To cheer for every step, no matter how ridiculously minuscule. In fact, to look for the ridiculously minuscule and start there. Sparklepoints!
Thing 4: a calm, steady knowing-what-to-do
Here’s what I want:
Lots of hard decisions to be made this week.
I’d like to be able to slice through all the ambivalence and just know. Or if I can’t know, to commit to something and see how it goes.
Ways this could work:
No idea.
But I’m receptive to unlikely, perfect, simple solutions showing up.
My commitment.
To breathe and wait.
To say Hello, day.
To wait until Toozday.
To dance, dance, dance, of course.
Thing 5: speedy healing!
Here’s what I want:
Recovering from a physical thing that left me kind of battered and worn out.
Ways this could work:
The magic of bathtime! Ooh, getting more epsom salts.
Early to bed.
All my cells doing what needs to be done. I love you guys!
My commitment.
To appreciate what I can do (dancing! I can still dance!).
To appreciate the workings and the behind-the-scenes of it all.
And to give myself a break when I can’t appreciate anything.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I wanted progress made on the Playground website, and it happened. Still a work-in-progress, but you can peek here.
Then I asked for momentum to be there with my body practice, which it kind of did and kind of didn’t. Something I hadn’t counted on threw me off track, but all the crazed Shiva Nata definitely helped.
I also wanted to make stuff happen with the Shiva Nata iPhone app, and whooooooo! Yes yes yes.
And I wanted a glass straw. So glad I asked, because the gentleman friend got me one and it is fabulous. Love it even more than I expected to. Apparently I drink way more water when you hand it to me in a glass with a glass straw. Weird.
Thanks to all of you for the loving suggestions. Kisses.
Comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.
Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for. Or updates on last time!
Stuff I’d rather not have:
The word “manifest”. To be told how I should be asking for things. To be judged, psychoanalyzed or given unsolicited advice.
Much love for your gwishes! So happy to have you doing this with me.
Friday Chicken #141: chicken sings the blues
In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
The craziest part about this crazy week of crazy is that it’s not even over yet.
I’m running around like, well, a chicken (head still on, I hope), trying to get things done before the weekend and then aaaaaaaaaagh pesach. Let’s see.
The hard stuff
Noise noise noise noise.
This week we were at Rally (Rally!) because it was Rally #8, and yay, Rally is the best.
Except the building next door was under constant repair, and there was endless hammering and banging and drilling.
It was unbelievably distracting, and made everything extra-challenging.
And then I got locked out of my house. In the pouring rain.
While the Gentleman Friend was away.
When all I wanted to do was to crawl into bath and bed, and eat something warm.
Hooray for neighbors with keys. I was such the miserable mouse until they showed up.
Hormones.
Ugh.
While it is nice to have an explanation for why I suddenly hate everything with great passion, it is still not any fun.
Trouble concentrating.
Too many projects, too much input, too much to think about, and all that noise.
Some not-good news that I can’t do anything about.
Frustrating and hard.
Nostalgia.
It’s annoying.
Time! It constantly seems like there isn’t enough of it.
And pesach starts Monday, and that is both ridiculous and impossible.
So much still to clean! On the other hand, at least I can look forward to eating kneidelach, so onward to the good.
The good stuff
Rally! Rally!
We played, we wrote, we flailed, we projectized.
People wrote business plans, changed their businesses, worked on their writing, took lots of naps, designed products and generally did extraordinary things.
And it was fun and hilarious and sweet. A lovely group. Rally! I live for Rally.
Huge progress on so many things.
The Shiva Nata iPhone app is really moving forward.
As are several other projects. This is good!
Shivanautical epiphanies, as ordered.
Lots of big, unlikely understandings and insights.
Not sure how to use them yet, but really excited about the new direction.
I made the most awesome treasure map!
It was this giant arts and crafts project at the Playground.
My monsters were not happy about it, because they couldn’t get how it was going to help my business. But then it did, of course.
Metaphors plus scissors plus sparkly paper plus glue. It was so much fun. I wish Joseph could have been there.
The Playground has a new fairy door.
It’s pink and charming, and there is a bucket in front that holds some very tiny boots.
We already have this highly entertaining tradition of regularly moving the fairy door, so that it’s always somewhere else.
Now that there are two of these, it’s fairies in and out all over the place. Apparently.
Anyway, the Playground is a very special place. And getting to spend the week there dreaming up projects was seriously wonderful.
Taught a very funny Shiva Nata class.
We made up words for the various positions.
Clarity, Knowing, Love and Bad-assery for the horizontals. Floop, Poink, Kachow and Boom for the verticals.
So as we progressed we ended up getting increasingly complex and ridiculous combinations, like Clarity-Boom! Or Poink-Love!
And sentences like Know your Floop in order to be a Bad-ass Kachow. Yes, that was level 2 transquarters, baby.
Had to be there, I guess. It was AMAZING and brain-break-ey.
Sunday!
Rose City’s Wheels of Justice are taking on the B.A.D. Girls, and this is extremely exciting and I cannot stop talking/thinking about it. Just look at that picture of Sully Skullkicker getting around Demanda Riot!
Every time we bout against Bay Area, it’s super stressful.
I am going to have no voice at all come Monday.
And can I just point out how great it is that five of the top six (derby-nerd-ranked) roller derby teams in North America are in the west coast division? And how that also makes it nearly impossible to ever get to nationals?
Take it from me. These are very exciting times.
And … playing live at the meme beach house it’s the Fake Band of the Week!
My brother and I have this thing where we come up with ridiculous band names and then say in this really pretentious, knowing tone, “Oh, well, you know, it’s just one guy.”
This week’s band comes to us via the inimitable @sfslim.
Anarchist Beer Fairy
This one actually is just one guy.
And some good stuff I read this week.
I was hardly online at all because of Rally, but two things you should definitely look at:
Even if you don’t follow the game, this piece by Zach Dundas is a terrific read about culture.
And Kat’s post about two minimum daily requirements is the most perfect thing ever.
That’s it for me …
And of course you can join in my Friday ritual right here in the comments if you feel like it.
Yes? Anything hard and/or good happen in your week?
And, as always, have a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come. Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s okay if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — you can join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
Extremely short answers to things my people ask a lot.
These are a few of the biggification and business questions that I get asked pretty much all the time.
Since I am decidedly not good at short answers, today’s post is part of my practice.
I’m trying to figure out how brevity works. To not add sixteen caveats to each thing I say. To not give three examples. To release a truth and let it land, trusting that people have the skills and wisdom to consciously interact with it on their own.
Like with the stone skippings. Except what is landing is the answer, not the question.
And — I hope — the answer will ripple out into more questions, so you can discover the questions behind the questions, which are always the interesting ones.
“I can’t decide if these people are my Right People or these other people are my people. How do I choose who to market to?”
You don’t choose your people. Just like you don’t select your friends — it’s a process that involves both sides.
If someone falls in the general category of “they like you, you like them”, they’re your people.
“What if my right people can’t afford my services?”
Within the broader category of “people you are fond of who are also fond of you”, there will be some people who have money.
There will be people who are delighted to invest their money in what you do, as a way to take part in your world.
And others who may not be able to do that yet but are happy to be in your world and spread the word. They’re your community.
“But that’s impossible because my people are [homeless/cats/have taken a vow of poverty/ homeless cats taking a vow of poverty].”
Again, right people means everyone who thinks you’re neat. It’s all the people who like you — as long as you like them too.
So even if the people you help don’t have the resources to pay for that help, they’re not the sum total of “your people”.
Instead that term includes those who benefit from your mission, who approve of it, who are excited to hear about it and anyone who wants to support it.
“I thought I was doing what I loved but I keep burning out so it can’t be what I love, right?”
Burning out doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t love it. It just means you haven’t figured out how to take care of yourself yet. Most of us haven’t. Me, included.
Putting your attention to how to take care of yourself (and building supportive systems) will make some space to figure out what your relationship is with your work.
And then you’ll know more. You’ll either do something new or you won’t. But no matter what you decide, at least you’ll have changed how you approach it.
And comment zen in the blanket fort for today.
Nothing stirs up our stuck like business. As soon as we start thinking about it, we’re already dealing with our pain:
Old experiences of hurt and rejection and desire. Outsider complex. All of our walls and resistance. Things people have said that stung. Things we have tried that didn’t work the way we’d hoped.
So we tread gently here. We all have our stuff. We’re all working on our stuff. It’s hard.
We make room for our stuff, and for everyone else to have their stuff.
And we take ownership of our pain so we don’t project it onto other people or situations. When people share things here, we create safety by not telling them what they should do or how they should be.
Love to all the commenter mice, the Beloved Lurkers and everyone who reads.
Confidential to L!
It’s worth investigating who’s really asking the question. Is there an authority figure who doesn’t need to be an authority figure?
Most biggification questions (including the ones here) are actually fuzzball monster questions. So find out what the fear needs in order to feel safe.
Also: you might want to ask Slightly Future You what she knows about this. She’s already done it. Twice!
Hello, day.
Hello, day.
This is how I start the day. Among my morning practices, it’s not even slightly the weirdest.
But probably the one I’ve stuck with for the longest period of time.
Each morning I take one sheet of paper and write about seven things. And then I stick it in the Revue binder.
It’s a little bit like a Very Personal Ad but for my day, and it looks like this.
Hello, day! What I’d like from today.
Balance, trust, peace of mind.
To take things in stride, with a smile if possible, because that would be cool. Grace under pressure. Or no pressure at all. To find the secret doors and hidden windows.
I’d also like some really great shivanautical realizations, and to do something about them.
And (possibly related) I’d like a perfect, simple solution to the situation with X.
The qualities and the essence for today.
Strength. Courage. Flow. Clarity. Spaciousness.
Something nice I’d like to do for my body today.
A loooooong forward bend, using the wall for support. Much yawning and stretching.
Some old Turkish lady yoga.
Bath, if there’s time.
Slightly Future Me says:
Lots of water. Replenish. Wash off. Shake it off.
Keep asking for help. Call E.
Make your choices today based on how you want to feel.
Transitions are everything. Take more time than you think you’ll need. Breathe into things.
Pretend that [scary project] is a diorama. Think about it in terms of objects, elements and placing. That will help.
You’re doing great.
VPA for today. A mini-Very-Personal-Ad.
To meet everything with grace and curiosity.
Ideas flowing. A sense of progress.
Allies, resources, support?
Doing the noticing thing. Rituals in the transitions.
My imaginary penguin brigade.
What today could be like.
One step at a time. I appreciate things I wouldn’t normally notice.
I get better at releasing expectations. Everything flows, and when it doesn’t, I find my way back. I plant gwishes. And acknowledge pain. I stay in my force field.
That’s it.
Seven things:
Hello, day. What I want from today…
- The qualities/essence
- Something nice I want to do for my body
- Slightly Future Me says
- VPA for today
- Allies, resources, support
- What today could be like
These mostly stay the same for me, but sometimes I change them. Sometimes the answer to one will prompt me to add another (like “How could that happen?” or “What if that is impossible?”
My favorite thing about this practice is how centering it is. It whooshes fog away.
My second favorite thing is flipping through the binder and discovering how surprisingly often I have been able to actually experience the things I wrote about.
Last week my VPA for the day was “to release the frazzled”. It seemed like Extreme Wishful Thinking at the time, but the next day it turned out that I had. Nice!
Play!
If you’d like to try this, you are welcome.
And of course you could replace any or all of the format I use with your own questions or other stones to skip.
You can share here in the comments. You can do it just for you. Write them down or whisper them into a well. It all counts.
As always, we all have our stuff. We’re all working on our stuff. It’s a process.
We let other people have their stuff, and we don’t give each other unsolicited advice (if someone asks, go for it).
Wishing you a sweet day.
Throw it in the pot.
This is a thing I picked up from Tapas about six years ago.
It’s completely brilliant in a fractal flowers sort of way.
The idea is this:
Everything you’re choosing to do for yourself probably has some sort of purpose or intention.
But don’t stop there.
Not only can you set some sort of intention about what you want, but you can also toss in everything else you want to work on as well, no matter how unrelated it seems.
Doing some sort of healing process for your back? Acupuncture for your knee? Or maybe you’re visiting your accountant for advice or having a difficult conversation.
Throw it all into the pot.
Without having to know how it’s going to work. Just naming the want.
Healing this ankle, please! Into the pot. To have some sort of insight about this relationship that isn’t working. Into the pot. And I’d really to get back to dancing. Into the pot. What do I know about these piles? Into the pot. Letting go of this old painful misunderstanding. Into the pot!
As if you’re making soup, and the thing you’re actively working on is the main ingredient or the type of soup. And everything else is vegetables from the garden and seasoning and surprises.
Or like a giant, messy, awesome Very Personal Ad.
We do this when I teach yoga, and with clients.
That’s old Turkish lady yoga, of course.
We just throw it all into the pot.
Whatever we’re there to do (breathe, relax, stretch, be curious about our bodies, become stronger, happier and more resilient). Into the pot!
And all the things we’re secretly there to do. All the things we wish for.
The things we want in that moment, whatever they are:
Safety, peace, light-heartedness, support, companionship, solitude, inspiration, trust, freedom, simplicity. Into the pot.
And the things we want to let go of. Into the pot.
And then we look for the essence.
We look for the essence, and then we throw that into the pot, because often our starting wish isn’t necessarily related to what we really want at all, and that’s the part we care about.
For example, what’s the essence of wanting to fit into clothing?
It depends on the person, of course. But it might be something like “feeling strong, radiant and more at home in my body.”
What’s the essence of making more money?
It might be peace and security. It might be freedom and possibility.
Whatever it is…into the pot it goes.
What the pot is.
It’s the thing that contains desire.
The pot contains desire and distills it into something you can use. An insight, a metaphor, an infusion of goodness, a strengthening of your force field, a glimpse of what might be possible.
And now my job today is to notice. To notice and to release expectations.
And to keep tossing things into the pot, of course.
And comment zen for today…
Since I have extra superpowers today from being at Rally and hanging out in the Playground where everything is possible…
I have set up a very special pot for all the commenter mice, the Beloved Lurkers and everyone who reads.
And you can bring all your wishes, desires and hopes for the day or the week or for your life and drop them into the pot.
You can find the essence. You can just say the thing you’d like to feel, experience, perceive, receive or know.
You can do it here in the comments or silently in your heart.
It all counts. Into the pot!
As with any conscious, mindful, loving practice, this one can bring up our stuck. So we make room for it. We find out what it needs. We give that need to the pot too.
And, as always, we let people have their own experience and we don’t give each other unsolicited advice (unless people specifically ask, in which case, go for it).
xox