What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
Extremely short answers to things my people ask a lot.
These are a few of the biggification and business questions that I get asked pretty much all the time.
Since I am decidedly not good at short answers, today’s post is part of my practice.
I’m trying to figure out how brevity works. To not add sixteen caveats to each thing I say. To not give three examples. To release a truth and let it land, trusting that people have the skills and wisdom to consciously interact with it on their own.
Like with the stone skippings. Except what is landing is the answer, not the question.
And — I hope — the answer will ripple out into more questions, so you can discover the questions behind the questions, which are always the interesting ones.
“I can’t decide if these people are my Right People or these other people are my people. How do I choose who to market to?”
You don’t choose your people. Just like you don’t select your friends — it’s a process that involves both sides.
If someone falls in the general category of “they like you, you like them”, they’re your people.
“What if my right people can’t afford my services?”
Within the broader category of “people you are fond of who are also fond of you”, there will be some people who have money.
There will be people who are delighted to invest their money in what you do, as a way to take part in your world.
And others who may not be able to do that yet but are happy to be in your world and spread the word. They’re your community.
“But that’s impossible because my people are [homeless/cats/have taken a vow of poverty/ homeless cats taking a vow of poverty].”
Again, right people means everyone who thinks you’re neat. It’s all the people who like you — as long as you like them too.
So even if the people you help don’t have the resources to pay for that help, they’re not the sum total of “your people”.
Instead that term includes those who benefit from your mission, who approve of it, who are excited to hear about it and anyone who wants to support it.
“I thought I was doing what I loved but I keep burning out so it can’t be what I love, right?”
Burning out doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t love it. It just means you haven’t figured out how to take care of yourself yet. Most of us haven’t. Me, included.
Putting your attention to how to take care of yourself (and building supportive systems) will make some space to figure out what your relationship is with your work.
And then you’ll know more. You’ll either do something new or you won’t. But no matter what you decide, at least you’ll have changed how you approach it.
And comment zen in the blanket fort for today.
Nothing stirs up our stuck like business. As soon as we start thinking about it, we’re already dealing with our pain:
Old experiences of hurt and rejection and desire. Outsider complex. All of our walls and resistance. Things people have said that stung. Things we have tried that didn’t work the way we’d hoped.
So we tread gently here. We all have our stuff. We’re all working on our stuff. It’s hard.
We make room for our stuff, and for everyone else to have their stuff.
And we take ownership of our pain so we don’t project it onto other people or situations. When people share things here, we create safety by not telling them what they should do or how they should be.
Love to all the commenter mice, the Beloved Lurkers and everyone who reads.
Confidential to L!
It’s worth investigating who’s really asking the question. Is there an authority figure who doesn’t need to be an authority figure?
Most biggification questions (including the ones here) are actually fuzzball monster questions. So find out what the fear needs in order to feel safe.
Also: you might want to ask Slightly Future You what she knows about this. She’s already done it. Twice!
Hello, day.
Hello, day.
This is how I start the day. Among my morning practices, it’s not even slightly the weirdest.
But probably the one I’ve stuck with for the longest period of time.
Each morning I take one sheet of paper and write about seven things. And then I stick it in the Revue binder.
It’s a little bit like a Very Personal Ad but for my day, and it looks like this.
Hello, day! What I’d like from today.
Balance, trust, peace of mind.
To take things in stride, with a smile if possible, because that would be cool. Grace under pressure. Or no pressure at all. To find the secret doors and hidden windows.
I’d also like some really great shivanautical realizations, and to do something about them.
And (possibly related) I’d like a perfect, simple solution to the situation with X.
The qualities and the essence for today.
Strength. Courage. Flow. Clarity. Spaciousness.
Something nice I’d like to do for my body today.
A loooooong forward bend, using the wall for support. Much yawning and stretching.
Some old Turkish lady yoga.
Bath, if there’s time.
Slightly Future Me says:
Lots of water. Replenish. Wash off. Shake it off.
Keep asking for help. Call E.
Make your choices today based on how you want to feel.
Transitions are everything. Take more time than you think you’ll need. Breathe into things.
Pretend that [scary project] is a diorama. Think about it in terms of objects, elements and placing. That will help.
You’re doing great.
VPA for today. A mini-Very-Personal-Ad.
To meet everything with grace and curiosity.
Ideas flowing. A sense of progress.
Allies, resources, support?
Doing the noticing thing. Rituals in the transitions.
My imaginary penguin brigade.
What today could be like.
One step at a time. I appreciate things I wouldn’t normally notice.
I get better at releasing expectations. Everything flows, and when it doesn’t, I find my way back. I plant gwishes. And acknowledge pain. I stay in my force field.
That’s it.
Seven things:
Hello, day. What I want from today…
- The qualities/essence
- Something nice I want to do for my body
- Slightly Future Me says
- VPA for today
- Allies, resources, support
- What today could be like
These mostly stay the same for me, but sometimes I change them. Sometimes the answer to one will prompt me to add another (like “How could that happen?” or “What if that is impossible?”
My favorite thing about this practice is how centering it is. It whooshes fog away.
My second favorite thing is flipping through the binder and discovering how surprisingly often I have been able to actually experience the things I wrote about.
Last week my VPA for the day was “to release the frazzled”. It seemed like Extreme Wishful Thinking at the time, but the next day it turned out that I had. Nice!
Play!
If you’d like to try this, you are welcome.
And of course you could replace any or all of the format I use with your own questions or other stones to skip.
You can share here in the comments. You can do it just for you. Write them down or whisper them into a well. It all counts.
As always, we all have our stuff. We’re all working on our stuff. It’s a process.
We let other people have their stuff, and we don’t give each other unsolicited advice (if someone asks, go for it).
Wishing you a sweet day.
Throw it in the pot.
This is a thing I picked up from Tapas about six years ago.
It’s completely brilliant in a fractal flowers sort of way.
The idea is this:
Everything you’re choosing to do for yourself probably has some sort of purpose or intention.
But don’t stop there.
Not only can you set some sort of intention about what you want, but you can also toss in everything else you want to work on as well, no matter how unrelated it seems.
Doing some sort of healing process for your back? Acupuncture for your knee? Or maybe you’re visiting your accountant for advice or having a difficult conversation.
Throw it all into the pot.
Without having to know how it’s going to work. Just naming the want.
Healing this ankle, please! Into the pot. To have some sort of insight about this relationship that isn’t working. Into the pot. And I’d really to get back to dancing. Into the pot. What do I know about these piles? Into the pot. Letting go of this old painful misunderstanding. Into the pot!
As if you’re making soup, and the thing you’re actively working on is the main ingredient or the type of soup. And everything else is vegetables from the garden and seasoning and surprises.
Or like a giant, messy, awesome Very Personal Ad.
We do this when I teach yoga, and with clients.
That’s old Turkish lady yoga, of course.
We just throw it all into the pot.
Whatever we’re there to do (breathe, relax, stretch, be curious about our bodies, become stronger, happier and more resilient). Into the pot!
And all the things we’re secretly there to do. All the things we wish for.
The things we want in that moment, whatever they are:
Safety, peace, light-heartedness, support, companionship, solitude, inspiration, trust, freedom, simplicity. Into the pot.
And the things we want to let go of. Into the pot.
And then we look for the essence.
We look for the essence, and then we throw that into the pot, because often our starting wish isn’t necessarily related to what we really want at all, and that’s the part we care about.
For example, what’s the essence of wanting to fit into clothing?
It depends on the person, of course. But it might be something like “feeling strong, radiant and more at home in my body.”
What’s the essence of making more money?
It might be peace and security. It might be freedom and possibility.
Whatever it is…into the pot it goes.
What the pot is.
It’s the thing that contains desire.
The pot contains desire and distills it into something you can use. An insight, a metaphor, an infusion of goodness, a strengthening of your force field, a glimpse of what might be possible.
And now my job today is to notice. To notice and to release expectations.
And to keep tossing things into the pot, of course.
And comment zen for today…
Since I have extra superpowers today from being at Rally and hanging out in the Playground where everything is possible…
I have set up a very special pot for all the commenter mice, the Beloved Lurkers and everyone who reads.
And you can bring all your wishes, desires and hopes for the day or the week or for your life and drop them into the pot.
You can find the essence. You can just say the thing you’d like to feel, experience, perceive, receive or know.
You can do it here in the comments or silently in your heart.
It all counts. Into the pot!
As with any conscious, mindful, loving practice, this one can bring up our stuck. So we make room for it. We find out what it needs. We give that need to the pot too.
And, as always, we let people have their own experience and we don’t give each other unsolicited advice (unless people specifically ask, in which case, go for it).
xox
Very Personal Ads #92: you could say we’re kissing cousins.
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these VPAs to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
Thing 1: Progress on the Playground website.
Here’s what I want:
We’re making a special website just for the Playground.
Still lots to do on it, but I’d like to make whatever decisions need to be made and at least put something up.
Ways this could work:
I can ask you guys lots of questions, especially about the photos.
Or ask at the Frolicsome Bar or the Twitter bar.
The Biggification Board and the Deguiltified Chicken Board at my Kitchen Table program have both been crazy helpful with things like this, so I’ll probably enlist some help there as well.
And of course I can use the Rally (Rally!) that starts tomorrow night, though I already have about twenty-billion other things I want to Rally on, and anyway, Rally always has its own surprise agenda that shows up.
My commitment.
To figure out what might be delaying this in the soft.
To negotiate with monsters, as necessary.
To be genuinely curious about what would help this project move forward.
Thing 2: momentum!
Here’s what I want:
I’ve been having a lot of fun doing things with my body this past week (tramping on the trampoline! walking! dancing! aerobics!), and I need a way to keep this up while Rallying.
Obviously there is plenty of physical stuff at Rally too. We do Shiva Nata every morning and there’s old Turkish lady yoga every afternoon.
But I want more.
Ways this could work:
Waking earlier than early to tramp/walk/jump around, etc.
I don’t know.
My commitment.
To be open to surprising and unlikely possibilities that I haven’t thought of.
To practice the noticing and noticing thing, so that I’m being really present with my body at all times.
To do lots of silly dances at the Playground because the Playground is very good for silly dances.
Thing 3: the Shiva Nata iPhone app!
Here’s what I want:
We are really close to getting this ready to go.
The hard parts (recording the audio, the programming, the madness) are done or mostly done in the case of the latter, and now it’s about lots of DETAILS and DECISIONS.
And some writing.
I am so excited about this!
Ways this could work:
A window of 2–3 hours to work on it could magically appear. Or I could delegate some of the Rally prep work?
Magic?
My commitment.
To flail around disastrously with Shiva Nata and then to sleep on it.
To keep doing that until I have either the perfect, simple solution or I know what I’m afraid of.
Thing 4: a glass straw
Here’s what I want:
I have to take iron and I have to take the liquid form and it makes my teeth purple, which is seriously the most depressing thing.
It looks like I’m related to the Schmoppet.
To have it stop staining my teeth purple, I’m supposed to mix it in juice and then drink with a straw. I dislike straws. The taste of plastic in my mouth is really unpleasant. And I don’t like the idea of more plastic crap in the house.
Ways this could work:
I would love recommendations from you, if you’ve tried something that you like.
Could also ask at the Twitter bar.
My commitment.
To be really, ridiculously, over-the-top clear in my ask:
What I want is the straw.
I do not want to be told I should go back to eating meat (tried it in the past with no significant change in iron levels).
Similarly, not interested in spinach recipes or suggestions about iron-rich foods (I eat plenty of these already — and what’s true for someone’s Aunt Vivian is not necessarily what is true for me, because people vary).
And I’ve tried iron in pill form. It doesn’t work as effectively for me.
Also, not interested in hearing about “oh no what if you bite the straw and then it breaks in your mouth”. These things are incredibly durable, you’d have to drop one off of a building to break it. Thank you. End transmission.
Asking for things is uncomfortable enough — adding twenty-seven caveats makes it harder! But in my experience, it’s even worse when you don’t and then everyone wants to be helpful and you haven’t told them what actually is (and sometimes isn’t) helpful.
So. That’s what I want.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
Hmmmm. I wanted to close my Firefox tabs, which I did, but now here they are again. So maybe what I really need is some insights about what this is about and what it gives me. Security? Reminders?
Then I wanted to do some work on the theme of being at home with money. Did a really helpful session with Hiro on it, and a lot of work on my own. Uncovered some things that are interesting.
We’ll have to see how it goes as I keep working on it. It’s a big one.
I wanted a hidden board to work on a project, and got some neat suggestions there.
And I really, really was hoping I’d get a chance to enjoy the glorrrrious weather, and I totally did. Lots of walking in the sun and visiting gardens and being outdoors. So hooray for that.
Comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.
Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for. Or updates on last time!
Stuff I’d rather not have:
The word “manifest”. To be told how I should be asking for things. To be judged, psychoanalyzed or given unsolicited advice.
Much love for your gwishes! So happy to have you doing this with me.
Friday Chicken #140: it’s even spookier when they don’t sneeze.
In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
The hard stuff
Stupid being-allergic-to-vacation. So unfair.
I tried a mini-mini vacation to make up for the last one. Nice try. The hotel had a fire drill.
Then they were tearing up the floor of the room down the hall and I couldn’t write, which was the whole point of disappearing. Argh.
And then I have to grumble about being invisible.
Admittedly I like my privacy more than most people, but it was like nobody could see me this week. And not in the good, invisibility cloak way.
People kept bumping into me, tripping over me, not hearing questions. Really bizarre. And on repeat.
Lots and lots of phone calls.
You know how much I dread phone calls, right?
I want seventeen billion sparklepoints for all the phone calls I made. And yes, using secret code words.
So much to do!
Completely overwhelming.
Too many projects. Too many things up in the air. Too many decisions.
Lots to write about and not in the mood.
Pesach is coming and I’m not ready.
Not even slightly ready.
There’s only one place in Portland that even has any variety of legit food, and it’s way, way on the other end of town, and we got ridiculously lost, as we do every single year (tradition!).
Plus we’re rallying the Rally on Monday, so I don’t even know when the crazed spring cleaning part of getting ready for the holiday is going to happen.
And no farfel. Again! Whole wheat farfel only. Seriously. That is so very wrong.
Panic and trauma.
Lots of HSP (Highly Sensitive Person) moments this week. Mixed with some PTSD from back when everything was exploding.
First I freaked out on a bus.
Not because I thought it was going to blow up, though I do think that every time I’m on a bus, because spending a third of my life in Israel trained me in ways that run too deep. There was just way too much crazy on that bus, and I couldn’t deal with not knowing if things were safe or not.
And then an actual exploding sound while I was recording some audio left me panicking and in tears. Life. Yes. Back to the Emergency Calm recordings, the existence of which I am always relieved to remember.
Well done, me-from-then.
Every single part of my body is sore right now.
But that’s really both hard and good. We danced the hell out of this week, didn’t we?
The good stuff
Stomp bounce whee!
I think had more aerobic activity this week than in the past six years.
And it was crazy fun.
Spring: it has so totally completely sprung.
Ohmylord it is so gorgeous. Outrageously so.
The entire city is exploding in color, and every tree and flowering bush in the area is all, look at meeeeee!
I love them all.
Magnolia, dogwoods, cherry blossoms.
It’s so fragrant that you almost pass out from joy every time you walk under a tree, and then you have to stop and commune with it, and you look like a weirdo but everyone else is doing the same thing because it is a glorrrrrrrrious day.
The sun is happy. Everyone is happy. The garden is happy. Spring!
Massive progress on things that hadn’t been progressing.
A ridiculous amount of work got done this week on a number of stalled projects.
The Stone Skipping cards are done.
The Shiva Nata iPhone app is so much closer to done, and it is seriously great. I am in awe.
Progress on the Playground website. And we launched the fabulous new forum at the Shivanautica Secret Lab. Yay Shivanauts!
These are all projects that had been somewhat stalled (not the fault of anyone or anything, just delayed by technical stuff or time issues). It feels so good to have had a week where things moved forward.
I can’t even tell you how much I needed this. It was a ton of work, and a huge relief to have it done. Loooooong exhale.
Creative writing.
My lovely Tea House session with Dave where we did all that noticing.
A highlight of my week, for sure.
Discovered a delightful place to have dinner.
Actually I’d already known about this place, but didn’t know how much I would love it. Love!
My beloved skaters finally won a bout. And there was much rejoicing.
So you know Selma and I sponsor a local roller derby team, right? Well, our Guns N Rollers have been having a super tough season, for a number of very interesting/complicated reasons.
And they had a win! Not in the league. With a thrown-together mix of skaters from Washington, calling themselves Overbeaters Anonymous.
But a legitimate win. And enormous improvement on so many levels. So exciting! Can’t wait to have the team come to the Playground so I can put them through some bad-ass shivanautical extreme coordination training.
Rally!
Gearing up for the Rally (Rally!) and excited to hang out with everyone and projectize up a storm.
I could use some epiphanies right now, so the timing for this is genius.
And … playing live at the meme beach house it’s the Fake Band of the Week!
My brother and I have this thing where we come up with ridiculous band names and then say in this really pretentious, knowing tone, “Oh, well, you know, it’s just one guy.”
This week’s band is brought to you by @TheVDI.
I’m not sure but I think they’re kind of loud.
Welcome, Fake Band Of The Week. I’m happy to give the floor to….
Spooky Sneezers
Catch their show this weekend if you get a chance. Did you know… it’s actually just one guy.
And some of the lovely things I read this week.
This wonderful piece from Briana called I want to know everything. It’s beautiful.
On opening night jitters. This is really good. Not just for derby girls.
And I can’t even tell you how much I love this guest post from Elizabeth the Bee on 101 ways to do Shiva Nata. Oh, the ways! Brilliant.
That’s it for me …
And of course you can join in my Friday ritual right here in the comments if you feel like it.
Yes? Anything hard and/or good happen in your week?
And, as always, have a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come. Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s okay if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — you can join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.