What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
Very Personal Ads #92: you could say we’re kissing cousins.
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these VPAs to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
Thing 1: Progress on the Playground website.
Here’s what I want:
We’re making a special website just for the Playground.
Still lots to do on it, but I’d like to make whatever decisions need to be made and at least put something up.
Ways this could work:
I can ask you guys lots of questions, especially about the photos.
Or ask at the Frolicsome Bar or the Twitter bar.
The Biggification Board and the Deguiltified Chicken Board at my Kitchen Table program have both been crazy helpful with things like this, so I’ll probably enlist some help there as well.
And of course I can use the Rally (Rally!) that starts tomorrow night, though I already have about twenty-billion other things I want to Rally on, and anyway, Rally always has its own surprise agenda that shows up.
My commitment.
To figure out what might be delaying this in the soft.
To negotiate with monsters, as necessary.
To be genuinely curious about what would help this project move forward.
Thing 2: momentum!
Here’s what I want:
I’ve been having a lot of fun doing things with my body this past week (tramping on the trampoline! walking! dancing! aerobics!), and I need a way to keep this up while Rallying.
Obviously there is plenty of physical stuff at Rally too. We do Shiva Nata every morning and there’s old Turkish lady yoga every afternoon.
But I want more.
Ways this could work:
Waking earlier than early to tramp/walk/jump around, etc.
I don’t know.
My commitment.
To be open to surprising and unlikely possibilities that I haven’t thought of.
To practice the noticing and noticing thing, so that I’m being really present with my body at all times.
To do lots of silly dances at the Playground because the Playground is very good for silly dances.
Thing 3: the Shiva Nata iPhone app!
Here’s what I want:
We are really close to getting this ready to go.
The hard parts (recording the audio, the programming, the madness) are done or mostly done in the case of the latter, and now it’s about lots of DETAILS and DECISIONS.
And some writing.
I am so excited about this!
Ways this could work:
A window of 2–3 hours to work on it could magically appear. Or I could delegate some of the Rally prep work?
Magic?
My commitment.
To flail around disastrously with Shiva Nata and then to sleep on it.
To keep doing that until I have either the perfect, simple solution or I know what I’m afraid of.
Thing 4: a glass straw
Here’s what I want:
I have to take iron and I have to take the liquid form and it makes my teeth purple, which is seriously the most depressing thing.
It looks like I’m related to the Schmoppet.
To have it stop staining my teeth purple, I’m supposed to mix it in juice and then drink with a straw. I dislike straws. The taste of plastic in my mouth is really unpleasant. And I don’t like the idea of more plastic crap in the house.
Ways this could work:
I would love recommendations from you, if you’ve tried something that you like.
Could also ask at the Twitter bar.
My commitment.
To be really, ridiculously, over-the-top clear in my ask:
What I want is the straw.
I do not want to be told I should go back to eating meat (tried it in the past with no significant change in iron levels).
Similarly, not interested in spinach recipes or suggestions about iron-rich foods (I eat plenty of these already — and what’s true for someone’s Aunt Vivian is not necessarily what is true for me, because people vary).
And I’ve tried iron in pill form. It doesn’t work as effectively for me.
Also, not interested in hearing about “oh no what if you bite the straw and then it breaks in your mouth”. These things are incredibly durable, you’d have to drop one off of a building to break it. Thank you. End transmission.
Asking for things is uncomfortable enough — adding twenty-seven caveats makes it harder! But in my experience, it’s even worse when you don’t and then everyone wants to be helpful and you haven’t told them what actually is (and sometimes isn’t) helpful.
So. That’s what I want.

Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
Hmmmm. I wanted to close my Firefox tabs, which I did, but now here they are again. So maybe what I really need is some insights about what this is about and what it gives me. Security? Reminders?
Then I wanted to do some work on the theme of being at home with money. Did a really helpful session with Hiro on it, and a lot of work on my own. Uncovered some things that are interesting.
We’ll have to see how it goes as I keep working on it. It’s a big one.
I wanted a hidden board to work on a project, and got some neat suggestions there.
And I really, really was hoping I’d get a chance to enjoy the glorrrrious weather, and I totally did. Lots of walking in the sun and visiting gardens and being outdoors. So hooray for that.

Comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.
Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for. Or updates on last time!
Stuff I’d rather not have:
The word “manifest”. To be told how I should be asking for things. To be judged, psychoanalyzed or given unsolicited advice.
Much love for your gwishes! So happy to have you doing this with me.
Friday Chicken #140: it’s even spookier when they don’t sneeze.
In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
The hard stuff
Stupid being-allergic-to-vacation. So unfair.
I tried a mini-mini vacation to make up for the last one. Nice try. The hotel had a fire drill.
Then they were tearing up the floor of the room down the hall and I couldn’t write, which was the whole point of disappearing. Argh.
And then I have to grumble about being invisible.
Admittedly I like my privacy more than most people, but it was like nobody could see me this week. And not in the good, invisibility cloak way.
People kept bumping into me, tripping over me, not hearing questions. Really bizarre. And on repeat.
Lots and lots of phone calls.
You know how much I dread phone calls, right?
I want seventeen billion sparklepoints for all the phone calls I made. And yes, using secret code words.
So much to do!
Completely overwhelming.
Too many projects. Too many things up in the air. Too many decisions.
Lots to write about and not in the mood.
Pesach is coming and I’m not ready.
Not even slightly ready.
There’s only one place in Portland that even has any variety of legit food, and it’s way, way on the other end of town, and we got ridiculously lost, as we do every single year (tradition!).
Plus we’re rallying the Rally on Monday, so I don’t even know when the crazed spring cleaning part of getting ready for the holiday is going to happen.
And no farfel. Again! Whole wheat farfel only. Seriously. That is so very wrong.
Panic and trauma.
Lots of HSP (Highly Sensitive Person) moments this week. Mixed with some PTSD from back when everything was exploding.
First I freaked out on a bus.
Not because I thought it was going to blow up, though I do think that every time I’m on a bus, because spending a third of my life in Israel trained me in ways that run too deep. There was just way too much crazy on that bus, and I couldn’t deal with not knowing if things were safe or not.
And then an actual exploding sound while I was recording some audio left me panicking and in tears. Life. Yes. Back to the Emergency Calm recordings, the existence of which I am always relieved to remember.
Well done, me-from-then.
Every single part of my body is sore right now.
But that’s really both hard and good. We danced the hell out of this week, didn’t we?
The good stuff
Stomp bounce whee!
I think had more aerobic activity this week than in the past six years.
And it was crazy fun.
Spring: it has so totally completely sprung.
Ohmylord it is so gorgeous. Outrageously so.
The entire city is exploding in color, and every tree and flowering bush in the area is all, look at meeeeee!
I love them all.
Magnolia, dogwoods, cherry blossoms.
It’s so fragrant that you almost pass out from joy every time you walk under a tree, and then you have to stop and commune with it, and you look like a weirdo but everyone else is doing the same thing because it is a glorrrrrrrrious day.
The sun is happy. Everyone is happy. The garden is happy. Spring!
Massive progress on things that hadn’t been progressing.
A ridiculous amount of work got done this week on a number of stalled projects.
The Stone Skipping cards are done.
The Shiva Nata iPhone app is so much closer to done, and it is seriously great. I am in awe.
Progress on the Playground website. And we launched the fabulous new forum at the Shivanautica Secret Lab. Yay Shivanauts!
These are all projects that had been somewhat stalled (not the fault of anyone or anything, just delayed by technical stuff or time issues). It feels so good to have had a week where things moved forward.
I can’t even tell you how much I needed this. It was a ton of work, and a huge relief to have it done. Loooooong exhale.
Creative writing.
My lovely Tea House session with Dave where we did all that noticing.
A highlight of my week, for sure.
Discovered a delightful place to have dinner.
Actually I’d already known about this place, but didn’t know how much I would love it. Love!
My beloved skaters finally won a bout. And there was much rejoicing.
So you know Selma and I sponsor a local roller derby team, right? Well, our Guns N Rollers have been having a super tough season, for a number of very interesting/complicated reasons.
And they had a win! Not in the league. With a thrown-together mix of skaters from Washington, calling themselves Overbeaters Anonymous.
But a legitimate win. And enormous improvement on so many levels. So exciting! Can’t wait to have the team come to the Playground so I can put them through some bad-ass shivanautical extreme coordination training.
Rally!
Gearing up for the Rally (Rally!) and excited to hang out with everyone and projectize up a storm.
I could use some epiphanies right now, so the timing for this is genius.
And … playing live at the meme beach house it’s the Fake Band of the Week!
My brother and I have this thing where we come up with ridiculous band names and then say in this really pretentious, knowing tone, “Oh, well, you know, it’s just one guy.”
This week’s band is brought to you by @TheVDI.
I’m not sure but I think they’re kind of loud.
Welcome, Fake Band Of The Week. I’m happy to give the floor to….
Spooky Sneezers
Catch their show this weekend if you get a chance. Did you know… it’s actually just one guy.
And some of the lovely things I read this week.
This wonderful piece from Briana called I want to know everything. It’s beautiful.
On opening night jitters. This is really good. Not just for derby girls.
And I can’t even tell you how much I love this guest post from Elizabeth the Bee on 101 ways to do Shiva Nata. Oh, the ways! Brilliant.

That’s it for me …
And of course you can join in my Friday ritual right here in the comments if you feel like it.
Yes? Anything hard and/or good happen in your week?
And, as always, have a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come. Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s okay if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — you can join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
Stone skipping.
A really useful concept or thoughtful question doesn’t just sit there.
It lands.
And it doesn’t just land. It touches down in your consciousness and ripples out. Circles echoing circles. Reverberating.
It sets off a chain of spiraling cycles that move outward and downward simultaneously.
What started as a stone is not just stone. Skipping out over the water, it has now become a new thing that is stone-meeting-water.
No longer an object but an encounter. Maybe even a relationship. Patterns and circles. Center and periphery.
Center and periphery.
As each question-stone skips its way through the water, the ever-widening circles take me places.
I find the connections, the fractal flowers.
I can feel into the stretch of continuity between past, hurting me and where I am now, and then slightly future me who is waiting, arm stretched out, full of love.
The information accessed through stone-skipping is not the stuff you know from the surface. It has a different tone, a different vibration. It has different elements too. Water and stone.
Water and stone.
Stone skipping is the name I invented for a terrific practice that generally goes by several, equally depressing titles.
It’s sometimes called “journaling questions”. Or “free-writes”. Or “prompts.” Or “writing exercises.” Or “coaching questions.”
It never ceases to astound me that a practice so completely powerful and alive, something whose job it is to elicit a flow of pure, undiluted creativity could have ever received such remarkably uninventive names.
There is magic in the meeting of these questions and our internal worlds, as writers and artists know from experience. But how are we supposed to know from the name?
Names.
About a year ago, I called on metaphor mouse to help me re-name the practice, because I’d noticed that I was never in the mood to actually do it.
A “prompt” just prompts my internal-rebel (You think you can prompt me? Prompt this!). And exercise sounds like push-ups. Good-for-me and painful. No, thank you.
I needed a name that described the sensation of the question making its way through me, changing my inner landscape. But not violently.
With a certain organic beauty and form. A call and a response. An action and a reaction, interacting in harmonious, beautiful and sometimes unexpected ways.
Something that captured the essence: accessing possibility through curiosity and play.
And that’s how stone skipping came to be called stone skipping.
In real life.
At the Playground, we use it as a verb. Let’s skip some stones. Time to stone-skip.
At the Rally (Rally!), we stone skip like crazy.
We do it after happily flailing around disastrously during our morning practice of Shiva Nata — breaking our brains and then having them put back together.
You’ve seen me do it here, too. Like this. Or this.
And I also have a special deck of cards that I made. Fifty two cards. Fifty questions or suggestions and two wild cards.
They live at the Playground (though soon to be available in the Playground Toy Shop and possibly-maybe online), and we use them for destuckifying whenever possible. Pick a card, any card.
Like this.
Once at Rally, I was making zero headway on my project. I had hit every possible wall.
Back to the deck of cards. The first couple cards I pulled were not for me. The next one didn’t seem like my card either, but I was fascinated by it:
“What needs to happen backwards?”
This was the very first set of cards, so they were still hand-made. Scribbled in my own handwriting, but I didn’t remember having written the question.
What was that even supposed to mean? What?! Backwards? Why?
But I decided to let the stone skip over the water and find out.
I walked backwards around the main room. Backwards through the corridor, past the pirate monkey and Rallions busy projectizing.
Backwards.
Backwards into the Refueling Station. Into the rainbow hammock.
Asking myself: What needs to happen backwards?
Writing it down: What needs to happen backwards?
Until it occurred to me that everything needed to happen backwards. I’d been working on the wrong part of my project. I had to reverse-engineer instead of trying to move forward step by step.
And I had to celebrate the birth of the tiny, sweet thing before I knew what it was exactly or what it would be like.
Destuckified. A brief Wiktory Dance and back to the writing. The stone had done its job.

The practice.
The important thing is not a specific question or concept.
The important thing is the pause (paws!), and then allowing everything to talk to each other: the stone and the water, your conscious and unconscious minds, you-now and you-then, your body and your brain.
For me, Shiva Nata is also a form of stone skipping. Except what gets dropped into your consciousness is algorithms. And the new pattern.
You introduce a new mathematical formula into the brain by mapping it with your body, and you let the formula ripple out. You steadily raise the challenge and complexity.
The effect: like a sifting out of my consciousness. It stirs me up like a snow globe, and then everything settles into quiet. And out of that quiet… well, that’s where all the good stuff comes out to play.
But it’s not just Shiva Nata. And it’s not just journaling and noticing. And it’s not just my destuckifying cards full of Extremely Useful Questions.
You can use anything as a stone.
A word, a quality, a mantra, a question, a thought, a rhythm, a color, a pattern, a shape.
You can use anything as a stone.

And comment zen for today.
As always, we remember the People Vary principle.
We all have our stuff. We’re all working on our stuff. It’s a process.
We all need different things at different times. So we let people have their own experience, and we don’t give each other advice (unless people ask, of course).
What I’d love:
Your thoughts and experiences related to stone skipping. Cool things that have happened or been discovered while journaling on a question or a similar practice.
Other metaphors that you like. How this Stone Skipping stuff relates to biggification (it does!). Ridiculous theories about why journaling questions go by such incredibly boring names.
I’m pretty sure it has to do with robots.
That’s it. Love all around. And plenty of skipping.
My toes lift up in a little dance, and my left hand is clenching again.
I don’t know if you know Dave Rowley, but you should. He is a bright, sweet, thoughtful, completely lovely person, and I am a fan.
Anyway, he’s been in the process of putting together a something that combines writing, creativity and working through stuck in gentle and unlikely ways.
And I got to be a guinea pig. Which was amazing.
Noticing? Noticing.
It was like being in a creative writing course, except without pressure, judgment, rules, critique or the whole oh god I’m not a writer what am I even doing here self-doubt extravaganza.
Dave’s way of doing things was curious, playful and really, really safe. And the whole thing was just really freeing and really fun.
One of the warm-up exercises we did was about noticing.
The idea was to just write what you notice over the course of several minutes.
Sensations, feelings, temperature, setting.
And I have to say, even though I teach yoga and meditation and all that good mindfulness stuff, I had this moment of ugh noticing, how boring.
But then we started. And it was fascinating.

Here’s what I wrote about noticing what I was noticing.
This room is really blue. I mean, really really really blue.
Blue walls blue clock blue bottles blue tray blue cards blue package blue tissues. Even the trashcan is blue. This person must really like blue.
I sit here every day and never saw that.
Noticing. My jaw is tight. Tight with a sound on the right side.
Noticing how I yawn to loosen it up, softening everything. Everything except my left fingers which are clenching the desk that is not a desk. Do I always do that?
Noticing I don’t have a name for this desk-non-desk, the wooden square that attaches to my chair, where all my writing happens. It doesn’t have a name.
Noticing how much I want to cross my legs. My feet don’t like being on the floor. I place them on the floor consciously and then my toes lift up in a little dance, and my left hand is clenching again.
I lean back into the chair. The sun is shining through the windows, through all those blue bottles, shining blue right onto me.
Like I’m being infused with blue. And now my left hand does unclench.
It unclenches and then it doesn’t know what to do, restless.
It’s trying out different homes. On my thigh. Upside down. Pressed into the chair. Resting on the armrest, but not resting at all.

Resting but not resting.
Here’s what I loved about this exercise:
It was so simple and so loving, and there wasn’t any way to screw it up.
In mediation, when the focus is on noticing, the practice can very easily veer into extreme self-discipline and even self-violence: forcing yourself to return to noticing a particular thing in a particular way. Pushing down creativity and curiosity.
In my experience, I have to remain very aware of a compassionate intention in order to subvert the “do-it-like-this”-ness that exists in so much of the meditation world.
This was different. Noticing was the point, so you could go beyond noticing a sensation and sink deeper into the noticings behind the noticing.
There wasn’t a way to do it wrong or badly, because all you’re doing is noticing.
It wasn’t about writing well or writing something of meaning. Just the noticing.
So much freedom there.
Comment zen for today.
I enjoyed the noticing-in-writing so much that I did it again this morning.
And I thought it could be fun if you wanted to try it too, if you feel like it.
A minute or two to jot down whatever you’re experiencing in the present moment. And then see how you feel.
If you’d like to share here, that would be wonderful.
This is the safest place on the internet, and the way we keep it that way is through our agreement to let everyone have his or her own experience.
We don’t give unsolicited advice, we don’t tell each other what to do or how to be, and we make room for people to do things in their own way.
Love all around.
The Revue. The spangles are optional.
There’s something I haven’t told you guys.
You already know about the Book of You, where I store Useful Information about how I function, along with what to do when I feel like crap.
But I have another binder that is kind of a companion book. It’s called the Revue Anthology, and it makes everything better.
Background.
The practice of keeping the Revue Anthology came from the realization that if I don’t review or process my experience of a thing after it happens, the learning often doesn’t stick.
But a review is a stressful, judgment-laden thing for me, and so — with the help of Metaphor Mouse, I discovered that I’d rather have a Revue. With spectacular dance moves. And spangles!
Way more fun.
I keep it simple. Because otherwise I wouldn’t do it.
It looks like this.
There are two questions.
1) What worked? 2) What might I want to try in the future?
That’s it.
If I do a thing — get my haircut, go on Emergency Vacation, go to a dinner party, whatever — it will end up getting a tiny section in the Revue Anthology.
Nothing fancy.
I grab a brightly colored sheet of paper and name it (Haircut!).
The processing itself happens on notebook paper. What worked? And what might I want to try in the future?
Super useful things sometimes get circled or highlighted.
If there’s something incredibly, unbelievably important that I need to remember (Seriously, do not ever go to dinner parties because you suffer unimaginable sufferings…), that can get transferred into the Book of Me.
But basically I just take notes and then put the page into the Revue Anthology.
Here are some examples from recent entries:
Roller Derby: bout day.
What worked?
- Leaving earlier than seems necessary.
- Remembering the seat cushion.
- Costumes!
- Keeping season passes by the door.
- Not drinking.
- Doing your rituals beforehand.
What might I want to try in the future?
- Now that it’s spring, you don’t need to bring a jacket.
- Using the money pocket instead of bringing a wallet.
- A closing ritual to come down from the high.
- Extra penguins around the force field.
Facial.
What worked?
- Having made the hard phone call beforehand so I didn’t have it on my mind.
- Working with an intention.
- Actually remembering to use moisturizer for an entire week. Sparklepoints for me!
- Stretching feet.
What might I want to try in the future?
- More time to get centered before getting there.
- A ritual for leaving (still trying to get better at closing things).
Pineapple Upside Down days
Note: this is what I call weekends. Long story, but I’m playing around with not working weekends and it’s crazy hard.
What worked?
- Morning walk in the sun.
- Deviating from what we normally eat during the week.
- Catching myself when things aren’t working and pulling out.
- Remembering to have a theme for the Upside Down Days, so I can journal on it or draw or something if I start to get bored or distracted.
- Starting the day with extra meditation.
What might I want to try in the future?
- Going online is always a tragic mistake. Always.
- If I want to go online “just to look something up”, either have the gentleman friend do it or write a sticky note and put it on the wall for later.
- An outfit? Ridiculous legwarmers? A wig? Something that serves as a reminder that this is the mode we’re in.
- More transition time in and out.

So that’s how the Revue works.
It probably sounds more complicated than it is.
I actually never spend more than a minute or two on it. Plus the thirty seconds that it takes to track down magic markers (ahem, note for Book of Me to keep markers everywhere!).
There’s no pressure to figure out all the things that I might want to try in the future, because there will be lots more derby bouts and ohmygoodness years of Pineapple Upside Down days.
All I’m doing is noting what is working, which always feels good.
And instead of focusing on how I’m a colossal failure, the focus is on finding one or two things that I might — conceivably, possibly, theoretically, no pressure! — mess around with in the future.
It’s a gentle Revue. And the spangles definitely help.
And comment zen for today.
If you are interested in playing with a Revue or with the idea of Revue-ing, that’s fantastic.
As always, we go by the People Vary principle, which means that you are welcome to adjust and adapt anything I use in ways that work for you.
And we do this while keeping in mind the principles of non-violence and compassion. However: forcing ourselves to be compassionate is not compassionate. So never more compassion than you can stand. 🙂
We all have our stuff. We’re all working on our stuff. It’s a process.
I would love to read some mini-revues if you feel like doing one. Or thoughts about ways you might be interested in playing around with this practice or a similar one.
xox