What's in the gallery?

We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.

We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**

* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.

** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.

What's in the gallery?

We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.

We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**

* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.

** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.

Stone skipping.

A really useful concept or thoughtful question doesn’t just sit there.

It lands.

And it doesn’t just land. It touches down in your consciousness and ripples out. Circles echoing circles. Reverberating.

It sets off a chain of spiraling cycles that move outward and downward simultaneously.

What started as a stone is not just stone. Skipping out over the water, it has now become a new thing that is stone-meeting-water.

No longer an object but an encounter. Maybe even a relationship. Patterns and circles. Center and periphery.

Center and periphery.

As each question-stone skips its way through the water, the ever-widening circles take me places.

I find the connections, the fractal flowers.

I can feel into the stretch of continuity between past, hurting me and where I am now, and then slightly future me who is waiting, arm stretched out, full of love.

The information accessed through stone-skipping is not the stuff you know from the surface. It has a different tone, a different vibration. It has different elements too. Water and stone.

Water and stone.

Stone skipping is the name I invented for a terrific practice that generally goes by several, equally depressing titles.

It’s sometimes called “journaling questions”. Or “free-writes”. Or “prompts.” Or “writing exercises.” Or “coaching questions.”

It never ceases to astound me that a practice so completely powerful and alive, something whose job it is to elicit a flow of pure, undiluted creativity could have ever received such remarkably uninventive names.

There is magic in the meeting of these questions and our internal worlds, as writers and artists know from experience. But how are we supposed to know from the name?

Names.

About a year ago, I called on metaphor mouse to help me re-name the practice, because I’d noticed that I was never in the mood to actually do it.

A “prompt” just prompts my internal-rebel (You think you can prompt me? Prompt this!). And exercise sounds like push-ups. Good-for-me and painful. No, thank you.

I needed a name that described the sensation of the question making its way through me, changing my inner landscape. But not violently.

With a certain organic beauty and form. A call and a response. An action and a reaction, interacting in harmonious, beautiful and sometimes unexpected ways.

Something that captured the essence: accessing possibility through curiosity and play.

And that’s how stone skipping came to be called stone skipping.

In real life.

At the Playground, we use it as a verb. Let’s skip some stones. Time to stone-skip.

At the Rally (Rally!), we stone skip like crazy.

We do it after happily flailing around disastrously during our morning practice of Shiva Nata — breaking our brains and then having them put back together.

You’ve seen me do it here, too. Like this. Or this.

And I also have a special deck of cards that I made. Fifty two cards. Fifty questions or suggestions and two wild cards.

They live at the Playground (though soon to be available in the Playground Toy Shop and possibly-maybe online), and we use them for destuckifying whenever possible. Pick a card, any card.

Like this.

Once at Rally, I was making zero headway on my project. I had hit every possible wall.

Back to the deck of cards. The first couple cards I pulled were not for me. The next one didn’t seem like my card either, but I was fascinated by it:

“What needs to happen backwards?”

This was the very first set of cards, so they were still hand-made. Scribbled in my own handwriting, but I didn’t remember having written the question.

What was that even supposed to mean? What?! Backwards? Why?

But I decided to let the stone skip over the water and find out.

I walked backwards around the main room. Backwards through the corridor, past the pirate monkey and Rallions busy projectizing.

Backwards.

Backwards into the Refueling Station. Into the rainbow hammock.

Asking myself: What needs to happen backwards?

Writing it down: What needs to happen backwards?

Until it occurred to me that everything needed to happen backwards. I’d been working on the wrong part of my project. I had to reverse-engineer instead of trying to move forward step by step.

And I had to celebrate the birth of the tiny, sweet thing before I knew what it was exactly or what it would be like.

Destuckified. A brief Wiktory Dance and back to the writing. The stone had done its job.

The practice.

The important thing is not a specific question or concept.

The important thing is the pause (paws!), and then allowing everything to talk to each other: the stone and the water, your conscious and unconscious minds, you-now and you-then, your body and your brain.

For me, Shiva Nata is also a form of stone skipping. Except what gets dropped into your consciousness is algorithms. And the new pattern.

You introduce a new mathematical formula into the brain by mapping it with your body, and you let the formula ripple out. You steadily raise the challenge and complexity.

The effect: like a sifting out of my consciousness. It stirs me up like a snow globe, and then everything settles into quiet. And out of that quiet… well, that’s where all the good stuff comes out to play.

But it’s not just Shiva Nata. And it’s not just journaling and noticing. And it’s not just my destuckifying cards full of Extremely Useful Questions.

You can use anything as a stone.

A word, a quality, a mantra, a question, a thought, a rhythm, a color, a pattern, a shape.

You can use anything as a stone.

And comment zen for today.

As always, we remember the People Vary principle.

We all have our stuff. We’re all working on our stuff. It’s a process.

We all need different things at different times. So we let people have their own experience, and we don’t give each other advice (unless people ask, of course).

What I’d love:
Your thoughts and experiences related to stone skipping. Cool things that have happened or been discovered while journaling on a question or a similar practice.

Other metaphors that you like. How this Stone Skipping stuff relates to biggification (it does!). Ridiculous theories about why journaling questions go by such incredibly boring names.

I’m pretty sure it has to do with robots.

That’s it. Love all around. And plenty of skipping.

My toes lift up in a little dance, and my left hand is clenching again.

I don’t know if you know Dave Rowley, but you should. He is a bright, sweet, thoughtful, completely lovely person, and I am a fan.

Anyway, he’s been in the process of putting together a something that combines writing, creativity and working through stuck in gentle and unlikely ways.

And I got to be a guinea pig. Which was amazing.

Noticing? Noticing.

It was like being in a creative writing course, except without pressure, judgment, rules, critique or the whole oh god I’m not a writer what am I even doing here self-doubt extravaganza.

Dave’s way of doing things was curious, playful and really, really safe. And the whole thing was just really freeing and really fun.

One of the warm-up exercises we did was about noticing.

The idea was to just write what you notice over the course of several minutes.

Sensations, feelings, temperature, setting.

And I have to say, even though I teach yoga and meditation and all that good mindfulness stuff, I had this moment of ugh noticing, how boring.

But then we started. And it was fascinating.

Here’s what I wrote about noticing what I was noticing.

This room is really blue. I mean, really really really blue.

Blue walls blue clock blue bottles blue tray blue cards blue package blue tissues. Even the trashcan is blue. This person must really like blue.

I sit here every day and never saw that.

Noticing. My jaw is tight. Tight with a sound on the right side.

Noticing how I yawn to loosen it up, softening everything. Everything except my left fingers which are clenching the desk that is not a desk. Do I always do that?

Noticing I don’t have a name for this desk-non-desk, the wooden square that attaches to my chair, where all my writing happens. It doesn’t have a name.

Noticing how much I want to cross my legs. My feet don’t like being on the floor. I place them on the floor consciously and then my toes lift up in a little dance, and my left hand is clenching again.

I lean back into the chair. The sun is shining through the windows, through all those blue bottles, shining blue right onto me.

Like I’m being infused with blue. And now my left hand does unclench.

It unclenches and then it doesn’t know what to do, restless.

It’s trying out different homes. On my thigh. Upside down. Pressed into the chair. Resting on the armrest, but not resting at all.

Resting but not resting.

Here’s what I loved about this exercise:

It was so simple and so loving, and there wasn’t any way to screw it up.

In mediation, when the focus is on noticing, the practice can very easily veer into extreme self-discipline and even self-violence: forcing yourself to return to noticing a particular thing in a particular way. Pushing down creativity and curiosity.

In my experience, I have to remain very aware of a compassionate intention in order to subvert the “do-it-like-this”-ness that exists in so much of the meditation world.

This was different. Noticing was the point, so you could go beyond noticing a sensation and sink deeper into the noticings behind the noticing.

There wasn’t a way to do it wrong or badly, because all you’re doing is noticing.

It wasn’t about writing well or writing something of meaning. Just the noticing.

So much freedom there.

Comment zen for today.

I enjoyed the noticing-in-writing so much that I did it again this morning.

And I thought it could be fun if you wanted to try it too, if you feel like it.

A minute or two to jot down whatever you’re experiencing in the present moment. And then see how you feel.

If you’d like to share here, that would be wonderful.

This is the safest place on the internet, and the way we keep it that way is through our agreement to let everyone have his or her own experience.

We don’t give unsolicited advice, we don’t tell each other what to do or how to be, and we make room for people to do things in their own way.

Love all around.

The Revue. The spangles are optional.

There’s something I haven’t told you guys.

You already know about the Book of You, where I store Useful Information about how I function, along with what to do when I feel like crap.

But I have another binder that is kind of a companion book. It’s called the Revue Anthology, and it makes everything better.

Background.

The practice of keeping the Revue Anthology came from the realization that if I don’t review or process my experience of a thing after it happens, the learning often doesn’t stick.

But a review is a stressful, judgment-laden thing for me, and so — with the help of Metaphor Mouse, I discovered that I’d rather have a Revue. With spectacular dance moves. And spangles!

Way more fun.

I keep it simple. Because otherwise I wouldn’t do it.

It looks like this.

There are two questions.

1) What worked? 2) What might I want to try in the future?

That’s it.

If I do a thing — get my haircut, go on Emergency Vacation, go to a dinner party, whatever — it will end up getting a tiny section in the Revue Anthology.

Nothing fancy.

I grab a brightly colored sheet of paper and name it (Haircut!).

The processing itself happens on notebook paper. What worked? And what might I want to try in the future?

Super useful things sometimes get circled or highlighted.

If there’s something incredibly, unbelievably important that I need to remember (Seriously, do not ever go to dinner parties because you suffer unimaginable sufferings…), that can get transferred into the Book of Me.

But basically I just take notes and then put the page into the Revue Anthology.

Here are some examples from recent entries:

Roller Derby: bout day.

What worked?

  • Leaving earlier than seems necessary.
  • Remembering the seat cushion.
  • Costumes!
  • Keeping season passes by the door.
  • Not drinking.
  • Doing your rituals beforehand.

What might I want to try in the future?

  • Now that it’s spring, you don’t need to bring a jacket.
  • Using the money pocket instead of bringing a wallet.
  • A closing ritual to come down from the high.
  • Extra penguins around the force field.

Facial.

What worked?

  • Having made the hard phone call beforehand so I didn’t have it on my mind.
  • Working with an intention.
  • Actually remembering to use moisturizer for an entire week. Sparklepoints for me!
  • Stretching feet.

What might I want to try in the future?

  • More time to get centered before getting there.
  • A ritual for leaving (still trying to get better at closing things).

Pineapple Upside Down days

Note: this is what I call weekends. Long story, but I’m playing around with not working weekends and it’s crazy hard.

What worked?

  • Morning walk in the sun.
  • Deviating from what we normally eat during the week.
  • Catching myself when things aren’t working and pulling out.
  • Remembering to have a theme for the Upside Down Days, so I can journal on it or draw or something if I start to get bored or distracted.
  • Starting the day with extra meditation.

What might I want to try in the future?

  • Going online is always a tragic mistake. Always.
  • If I want to go online “just to look something up”, either have the gentleman friend do it or write a sticky note and put it on the wall for later.
  • An outfit? Ridiculous legwarmers? A wig? Something that serves as a reminder that this is the mode we’re in.
  • More transition time in and out.

So that’s how the Revue works.

It probably sounds more complicated than it is.

I actually never spend more than a minute or two on it. Plus the thirty seconds that it takes to track down magic markers (ahem, note for Book of Me to keep markers everywhere!).

There’s no pressure to figure out all the things that I might want to try in the future, because there will be lots more derby bouts and ohmygoodness years of Pineapple Upside Down days.

All I’m doing is noting what is working, which always feels good.

And instead of focusing on how I’m a colossal failure, the focus is on finding one or two things that I might — conceivably, possibly, theoretically, no pressure! — mess around with in the future.

It’s a gentle Revue. And the spangles definitely help.

And comment zen for today.

If you are interested in playing with a Revue or with the idea of Revue-ing, that’s fantastic.

As always, we go by the People Vary principle, which means that you are welcome to adjust and adapt anything I use in ways that work for you.

And we do this while keeping in mind the principles of non-violence and compassion. However: forcing ourselves to be compassionate is not compassionate. So never more compassion than you can stand. 🙂

We all have our stuff. We’re all working on our stuff. It’s a process.

I would love to read some mini-revues if you feel like doing one. Or thoughts about ways you might be interested in playing around with this practice or a similar one.

xox

Very Personal Ads #91: secret panels everywhere

very personal adsPersonal ads. They’re … personal! Very.

Each week I write these VPAs to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.

I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!

Thing 1: close tabs!

Here’s what I want:

While I — astonishingly — don’t have any physical piles of doom at the moment, I seem to have replaced them with seventy seven thousand open Firefox tabs.

I’d like to start closing those doors, and figuring out what my new system is for this not to happen.

Ways this could work:

I can spend an hour or two watching myself mess around with this, to see what the patterns are.

And I can flail on it.

And I can talk it over with Cairene.

My commitment.

To be curious and loving: what purpose does this serve and how can I still get what I need?

To take lots of notes.

Thing 2:

Here’s what I want:

I’m working with the theme of being at home with money.

Since I’m a business savant, I’m actually really good at making money.

And I’ve been dangerously poor, so I know about getting through not having any money.

But just being comfortable with it. Being comfortable and at ease with having it. This needs more love and attention, as I learned this past week.

Ways this could work:

I can use Shiva Nata to deconstruct some of the old patterns and unquestioned assumptions.

The Stone Skipping questions can help me get clearer on what this new relationship with money might look and feel like.

I can talk to Slightly Future Me and find out what she knows about all this.

My commitment.

To remember that what I think is set in stone is not.

And that there are all kinds of things that I’m probably wrong about.

Thing 3: a hidden board.

Here’s what I want:

Oh I have no idea how to describe this.

You know how in movies sometimes there’s a character trying to dissect his past or uncover a conspiracy?

And there’s a hidden room or a picture that flips up to reveal a chart? Or a wall covered in scribbled notes, newsletter clippings and colored pushpins.

I want like that.

My office is sometimes a Strategy Room and sometimes a Wish Room, and I haven’t managed to figure out how to make those aspects work together.

I want a secret wall!

Ways this could work:

No idea.

I mean, I’m not even entirely sure what this ask is.

My commitment.

To look for the essence of my wish.

Is it about shelter? Secrecy? Privacy? Excitement? Planning? Structure?

I think it would be useful to talk to Metaphor Mouse and get more information on what exactly I’m yearning for.

Thing 4: to enjoy the glorrrious weather

Here’s what I want:

Every April, all I want to do is walk in the sunshine and smell all the lovely flowers and be carefree and delight in springtime.

And every April I have ridiculous amounts of work to do.

Until I finally start using the almanac section of the Book of Me, we are going to need to compromise.

Ways this could work:

I could just decide to test my hypothesis that really, truly experiencing springtime will do good things for my business in its own way.

And that if I have to delay some projects, then so be it.

I’m not sure if my fuzzball monsters will be into that, so this is going to have to involve a lot of dialogue with them.

My commitment.

To remember that my monsters and I share the same goal: to make sure that I am safe and cared for.

To remember that I always get my best ideas in the spring, so a little additional frolicking time is a good thing, not a selfish decision.

To be alive. To be here now.

Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.

Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.

Let’s see. I wanted my energy back, and I actually did remember to take my iron. And did lots of walking. Improvement!

I asked for Dr Seuss books for the Playground, and a number of people offered to send some. Oh!

Then I was hoping to find the last couple people for the April Rally (Rally!), and I’m not actually sure if that happened or not because I disappeared this week and wasn’t at Drunk Pirate Council. I’ll have to check.

And there was an ask about building a Refueling Station for me. That’s something I’ve been really investigating this past week. No visible, tangible forward progress yet, but a bunch of internal stuff is moving.

I will keep asking for this one, and rephrase what it is that I’m looking for.

Comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.

Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for. Or updates on last time!

Stuff I’d rather not have:

The word “manifest”. To be told how I should be asking for things. To be judged, psychoanalyzed or given unsolicited advice.

Much love for your gwishes! So happy to have you doing this with me.

Friday Chicken #139: the best holes

Friday chickenIn which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of ritual and self-reflection.

And you get to join in if you feel like it.

Let’s see.

It was kind of a disjointed week again.

The hard stuff

Coming down from vacation.

I was such an extreme sadface mouse.

Be glad you weren’t there for it.

Oh, hurt, bruised and semi-bashed.

This was the week of bruise.

Sliced my finger, slammed into every table and corner and wall in sight, and generally managed to hurt myself.

Clearly this calls for more sleep.

Grumble grumble grumble.

Oh, the giant scary tax number. How much stress other people are having about said number.

Money grumbles are the most annoying grumbles. And this would be so much easier to deal with it I weren’t getting derailed by my stuff coming up in reaction to other people’s stuff.

So. A lot to work on there.

Took a big risk and it hasn’t paid off yet.

This is exactly the type of thing that I normally find very exciting.

But right now it’s just another thing to worry about.

Nostalgia.

Triggered by discovering that two of my friends from Tel Aviv (who don’t know each other) took a photography course together. And one of my best friends there is now randomly friends with my cousin.

I miss living in a place where everyone knows everyone else.

I mean, I assume Portland is that place too, but that’s not what my life looks like now.

The good stuff

Epiphanies all over the place.

It’s all that mixing of levels in Shiva Nata.

Anyway, the realizations this week were big.

Lots of movement with things that didn’t want to move.

Inspired.

Most of the hard of this week was kind of related to having lost my excitement about something I’d previously been excited about, which is always kind of depressing.

But then I found it again! I found it!

The mojo. It is back. Yay.

Progress on the new website for the Playground.

Soon!

I can’t wait to have it ready for you.

I ran away for a while.

And this was good.

Not really a vacation. But a working-somewhere-else-for-a-few-days adventure.

Very productive and informative.

Happy Playground!

A marvelous package from Pat! Pat was at the February Rally (Rally!) and fell in love with the Playground, as does everyone who visits.

She sent the most adorable ever pirate monkey, and a bunch of spy glasses (for viewing and connecting with past you and slightly future you), and a book. As well as sweet little notes to me, Selma and the Playground.

Thank you, Pat! What a marvelous surprise.

And then Briana sent a gorgeous handmade cushion for my Wish Room. Briana!

So much happy.

Stuff I’m reading….

Madeleine’s wise and sweet piece on surviving adolescence.

I am halfway in love with 3eanuts.

And this got me through the week: Dear Monday!

And … playing live at the meme beach house it’s the Fake Band of the Week!

My brother and I have this thing where we come up with ridiculous band names and then say in this really pretentious, knowing tone, “Oh, well, you know, it’s just one guy.”

This week’s band is local. Very local.

Camellia Porthole

Check out their new album. And did you know? It’s really just one guy.

That’s it for me …

And yes yes yes, of course you can join in my Friday ritual right here in the comments bit if you feel like it.

Yeah? Anything hard and/or good happen in your week?

And, as always, have a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day and a restful weekend-ing.

And a happy week to come. Shabbat shalom.

p.s. It’s okay if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — you can join in whenever (or not!) and it’s no big deal.

The Fluent Self