What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
Very Personal Ads #80: In the woods.
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
So my itty bitty personal ads made me realize that it’s time to make a regular practice of trying to feel okay asking for stuff.
Even when the asking thing feels weird and conflicted.
Ever since I posted the first one asking my perfect house to find me, which united me with Hoppy House, I have been a fan of the madness that is personal ads.
And now it’s my weekly ritual for clarity and remembering and stuff like that. Yay, ritual!
I am off hiding in the woods, as I sometimes do, visiting my wonderful uncle Svevo.
Time moves… not so much faster as differently here, and I am finding that each personal ad for this week has more to say than usual.
There were also some monsters that showed up, and needed some negotiating. This should be an interesting week.
Anyway, VPA! Let’s do it.
Thing 1: kids furniture
Here’s what I want:
We’re redoing the toy shop at the Playground and we need some child-size furnishings.
Mostly a few low wooden tables (round or rectangular), and maybe some play kitchen equipment too.
Ways this could work:
Maybe we’ll find something second-hand on Craigslist or around Portland.
Maybe one of my PDX blog readers has just the right thing in their basement or knows of just the right place to visit.
Or something could magically turn up.
Or there are other ideas I haven’t thought of that are going to find me. I’m receptive to many possible ways this could work.
My commitment.
To be willing to be surprised.
To remind myself that there are always more options than I’m aware of.
To draw messy crayon-pictures of how I want it to look.
To talk to the room itself and find out what it thinks, and bring it little presents of stickers and love.
Thing 2: a photographer of interiors
Here’s what I want:
We’re working on putting together a special website just for the Playground.
And of course we want to be able to post pictures of how beeeyootiful it looks, and the wondrous things that happen at Rally (Rally!).
Actually, I feel a little conflicted about this because the Playground is so unlike any other place in the world. And so much of its culture and personality and the experience of being there cannot really be captured on film.
But my hope is that we might find someone whose work can give a sense of the magic and the crazy and the fabulous.
Ideally this person:
- has experience shooting interiors
- will be excited about the Playground
- is in Portland or can/will be there soon
- will not feel hurt if we end up not using their photos for the site
Ways this could work:
You guys know people. And I know people and might remember someone who could do it.
Recommendations and suggestions welcome!
My commitment.
To stop and acknowledge all the new things happening at and with the Playground, and notice where I might be feeling uncertain about these changes.
To be joyful and appreciative about all the amazing help I have received and continue to receive.
To continue to love the Playground with all my heart.
Thing 3: Stowawayship Scholarship!
Here’s what I want:
You can still apply for the last Stowawayship Scholarship for the next Rally.
It goes from the evening of Monday the 24th through Friday the 28th (a full day longer than a regular Rally).
If you’ve wished for a Book of You, but your notes are disorganized and you don’t have time and you’re not sure how to set it up or if you’ll ever actually use it… this is the best thing in the entire world.
Though can totally come and not work on that at all — as always, you can projectize any project you like.
Ways this could work:
I’m telling you about it right now.
Deadline is Toozday!
My commitment.
To trust that the Sorting Hat will do its work.
Thing 4: support for Hiro’s new wonderful thing!
Here’s what I want:
Hiro is my sister-in-silliness and one of my bestest friends in the universe.
She has a new product called How to Rule Your World.
It is about sovereignty. Hiro knows more about this and how it works than anyone I know, she is a brilliant teacher, and her work has completely changed so much of what I do and how I do it.
My gwish is that this amazing body of work will find all of its right people with ease and grace.
Ways this could work:
I’m going to tell you about it and give you the link again.
My commitment.
To support Hiro in any way I can, because I love her.
And to celebrate the birth of this new and beautiful creation. Well done!
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I did find a green cleaning person who came highly recommended. And along with that, I spent some time working on the part about being okay with doing this.
Still a bit anxious about this but progress has definitely been made.
As for stompy and colorful rainboots: thank you for all the excellent suggestions! I have procured a pair and they are stompy indeed.
And I wanted the right people for Crossing the Line, and it totally happened. Yay, Very Personal Ads!
Comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.
- Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for. Or updates on last time!
Stuff I’d rather not have:
- The word “manifest”.
- To be told how I should be asking for things.
- To be judged, psychoanalyzed or given unsolicited advice.
Wishing love and good things for your Very Personal Ads! I’m so happy to have people doing this with me.
Friday Chicken #128: we would theoretically rock it here or there
Because it’s Friday AGAIN. And because traditions are important. In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
So. This is by far the latest we’ve ever pooblished a chicken. But it’s still before noon, at least here on the west coast.
Anyway, this week went by in kind of a blur, but it was a fabulous blur, for a change.
Hello to all the Chickeneers of the High Seas! Let’s see what actually happened.
The hard stuff
So much tired!
Started the week a bit woozy, got massively energized by being on Rally (Rally!), which was awesome, but could have used way more sleep this week.
And now I want to go hibernate please.
Saying yes to one thing means saying no to other things.
There’s always something kind of sad about that.
A lot of what was on my mind this week had to do all the projects and people that weren’t getting my love and attention.
And even though I know from experience that it all evens out, and that working on one thing is secretly detangling the stuck of all the other ones….
I was really wanting to participate in more than I could, and then being a regretful mouse.
No time for Hoppy House.
Being out of the house all week was very disorienting.
So I’m sitting at the dining room table now (thanks to the Very Personal Ads), and feeling… out of touch.
No walking.
Usually Selma and I walk everywhere, and that didn’t happen this week and I really, really missed it.
Temperature.
Last week we had no heat at the Playground, so there was much anxiety about getting that fixed in time.
And it did get fixed (yay) so I didn’t have to stock up on heaters, blankets and hot water bottles, but it got too much fixed and we were kind of steamy.
Not knowing what I want.
Which pretty much never happens.
Trying to problem-solve things that are not my problem.
Exhausting and pointless.
Sad about Rally ending.
Nooooo!
I totally could have rallied for another few days.
The good stuff
Ohmygod Rally Rally Rally! Rally!
So much fun!
This was a Rally for people who have done at least one year of my Kitchen Table program, so it was kind of like a crazy in-person reunion.
Oh, the fun! Brain-scrambling and hammock-napping and pattern-detangling and bubble-stomping and creatively biggifying.
Plus dressing up and winding down and having very yummy snacks. I can’t really explain it, but this has really been the most astonishing week.
We did extraordinary things, and everything I learned lives inside of me now.
My people. They are amazing.
I say this every time I run a program, but that’s because it blows my mind.
Getting to spend a week with intelligent, creative, playful people in an intelligent, creative, playful environment is basically heaven for me.
I know that this business I have built brings in smart, compassionate, loving, wonderful kookiness. And I don’t know why.
But it is uncanny.
Mad projectizing powers: activate!
As always, I got ridiculous amounts of stuff done while rallying.
And negotiated with monsters and learned a bunch of Unexpected Things that resolved a bunch of challenges I didn’t even know needed attention.
I got to plaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!
This week was seriously fun. In fact, I cannot even remember the last time I had so much fun.
It was just pure play. Play with dance and movement, and with piles of blankets and with letting my project take me wherever it wanted to go.
That thing about being five years old… I did that this week and it was like this, and it was completely delightful.
So overjoyed I could cry.
The astonishing thing about rallying with people who have been consistently working with my techniques and teachings over the past couple years:
They use the stuff I teach! Regularly, as a matter of course. And you can see it working all the time.
It’s so beautiful.
People paired off to be negotiators for each others’ monsters. And they coached each other using all the stuff we do here.
They were so quick at destuckifying, and at identifying what the stuck was and where it was coming from, and meeting it with compassion and curiosity.
It was like watching the video montage at my Lifetime Achievement award ceremony. I could see my work in action, and in it all the reminders of why this stuff is powerful and important.
Shivanautical epiphanies all over the place.
Moments of bing bing bing all week.
We did some pretty out-there stuff (cough, level 7) and my brain may have exploded slightly.
True to form, Shiva Nata delivered. And the insights are knocking me over, but in a really good way.
Roller Derby season has started up again and I am so happy about this!
Tomorrow!
Going to watch my beloved Guns N Rollers and scream my head off.
We’re sponsoring them again this year, and maybe we’ll get some shivanauts on the track too. Would be awesome.
Ooh, also an ANNOUNCEMENT!
We have two Stowawayships (kind of like a pirate-ey scholarship) for the next Rally and we’ve never had this happen, so this is a lucky thing for someone, possibly you.
This particular Rally is extra-special, even aside from the usual rally-related specialness.*
* Swinging in the hammock, going for lunch with me and Selma, wearing costumes, being five years old, chortling, having astounding realizations, drawing with crayons, getting a present, going out for pie.
Because: it’s one full day longer than a regular Rally.
And we have a bunch of very neat exercises to help you create a Book of You (though of course you can projectize any project you like while you’re there).
Application deadline is Toozday, though I assume they’ll be gone much sooner than that. So take a look.
And … playing live at the meme beach house it’s the Fake Band of the Week!
My brother and I have this thing where we come up with ridiculous band names and then say in this really pretentious, knowing tone, “Oh, well, you know, it’s just one guy.”
This week’s band is a bit obscure, but that doesn’t stop them from rocking it all night long.
Apparently they got together while working at a book store.
Green Existentialists and Ham
Weirdly enough, it’s actually just one guy.
That’s it for me …
And yes yes yes, of course you can join in my Friday ritual right here in the comments bit if you feel like it.
Yeah? Anything hard and/or good happen in your week?
And, as always, have a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day and a restful weekend-ing.
And a happy week to come. Shabbat shalom.
My force field this morning smells like freshly baked rolls.
My force field this morning smells like freshly baked rolls.
But only the people who need to come in contact with my world can find the scent. Like you. I think. Hi!
My force field is guarded by eight penguins wearing bow ties. Just kidding, they’re wearing chain mail. But it’s still super cute.
Sometimes there are twenty four of them. Today I only need eight.
My force field leaves sparkly trails and sometimes it makes a whooshing sound.
Sometimes it doubles as an invisibility cloak too.
Today my force field is filled with:
Wonder. Playfulness. Silliness. Grounding. Spaciousness. Trust. Experimentation. Curiosity. Discernment. Congruence. Sovereignty. Possibility. Sweetness.
But mainly it’s filled with the culture of me.
This jumbled thing we call culture lives everywhere I go.
I bring culture along with me inside of this circle of me-ness.
The culture of the pirate ship and the Playground and the Kitchen Table and Rally and all of it.
The culture holds me and the force field. The force field holds me and the culture.
And I wear my crown and dance my dance and stomp in my stompy boots. And take my penguins to rally.
This is my force field this morning.
What is true? What’s also true?
This is me, talking to myself.
Using the question that almost always helps.
What’s true?
So tired!
What’s also true?
This is a pattern.
Craving rest is legitimate.
There are reasons for being tired. It’s okay.
Rest is the first duty of the queen.
What’s true?
I don’t know how to stop.
What’s also true?
You do know how to stop. You have stopped many times before. Lots of stopping.
And now you’re just learning how to get better at stopping.
What’s true?
There is so much to be done!
What’s also true?
You might as well rest because there is pretty much always more work to be done.
There is no “finished”. And even if there were such a thing, it’s probably not going to suddenly happen now.
You have options. You can build new and different structures. You can add a list of types of restful things to the Book of You.
You can play with all of this at the next Rally (which will help you get better at using the Book of You.)
You have more influence over your day than you think you do.
What’s true?
I do have a million things to do and they’re all important.
And there are real deadlines that I have committed to.
What’s also true?
You invariably have the sensation that there are a million things to do. Which means it’s more perception than absolute reality.
So you probably don’t have to do all of them, at least not at once.
You have support! So many people can help you.
You have a creative, playful, mindful, inquisitive approach that will help you untangle this.
You can do Shiva Nata on it to figure out what needs to happen with the pattern.
What’s true?
These things! They are fires to be put out!
I mean, not literally. But I feel anxious when I’m not actively trying to put them out.
What’s also true?
Since this feeling of urgency is a constant, you could also experiment with not putting out fires. Let it burn.
What’s true?
I have fear that these fires will consume me. And fear is always legitimate. There is no such thing as irrational fear.
What’s also true?
It won’t consume you. The fire will consume itself and then be done.
You do not need to take upon yourself the job of being the extinguisher. Let it burn itself out. Fire ignored and isolated cannot live. Put rings of stones everywhere.
And you will see that there are fewer fires. As long as you keep insisting on putting out the fires, there will always be more.
Let them burn themselves out and ignite themselves and burn themselves out again.
It has nothing to do with you. It’s their cycle, not yours.
And you will get to the point where you won’t care about whether or not something is appearing to be a fire. You will take time for yourself.
What’s true?
This scares me.
What’s also true?
You are made of the element of water.
You are flexible, resilient, curious, creative, You can take many shapes. You can experiment, compromise, laugh, dance, take notes.
You can play with this. You can take it to Secret Play Date. You can take it to Rally. Rally!
Let’s play.
Very Personal Ads #79: but not green in a jolly giant way because that would be weird.
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
So my itty bitty personal ads made me realize that it’s time to make a regular practice of trying to feel okay asking for stuff.
Even when the asking thing feels weird and conflicted.
Ever since I posted the first one asking my perfect house to find me, which united me with Hoppy House, I have been a fan of the madness that is personal ads.
And now it’s my Sunday ritual for clarity and remembering and stuff like that. Yay, ritual!
Let us dooo eeeet.
Thing 1: a green or green-friendly cleaning person.
Here’s what I want:
Someone to lovingly and enthusiastically clean the Playground on a semi-regular basis.
Someone who will use green cleaning ingredients.
And who really respects the specialness, the integrity and the sovereignty of this crazy, magical space.
Ways this could work:
Maybe one of my PDX readers knows of someone.
I could ask my neighbors if a person or a firm comes to mind. And the Playground’s neighbors!
And I could write a love letter too.
My commitment.
To put the word out.
To work on my stuff (see next ask).
To give this as much time as it needs.
Thing 2: to be okay with outsourcing cleaning.
Here’s what I want:
I know all the biggifiers do it, blah blah blah.
But it’s really uncomfortable for me. It just is.
And if anyone tells me to read the E-Myth book, I will kick them in the shins. Let me have my stuff, please.
So I need to work through my stuff around this, in my own way.
Ways this could work:
Hmmm.
I can talk it over with the Playground. And with slightly future me. And my business.
Maybe they can help me see the good things that will come as a result from this change.
There is a part of me who is feeling sad and conflicted about this, so I need to spend some time with the loss, and maybe build a safe room or two.
My commitment.
To ask for help and support. To draw giant permission slips in crayon.
To take my time.
Thing 3: the best rainboots ever!
Here’s what I want:
Sadly my bright red puddle-stomping rainboots that the gentleman gave me a few years ago have retired.
I want stompy puddle boots! Colorful ones! Comfortable, waterproof, easy-to-walk-in puddle boots.
For the puddle-stomping! And to be cheery on the grey days.
Ways this could work:
Maybe I’ll find some in my wanderings, or in the neighborhood of the Playground.
Or one of you could have a marvelous suggestion.
My commitment.
To not neglect the stomping.
To take delight in small things.
To play.
Thing 4: there’s still room for two more people in Crossing the Line!
Here’s what I want:
Even though my Crossing the Line course started Friday, there’s room for two more people.
And since this is the most amazing and one-time-only thing in the entire world, I would love for those two people to find it and say yay.
There’s hardly any catch-up to do at this point (just listening to the first call recording, reading the notes and doing the Chicken Wombat Unicycle exercise, which is totally less scary than it sounds).
And even people who aren’t crossing a variety of lines with me and Selma might still want to come to the next Rally (January 24-28!) because it a) has a whole extra day at the regular price and b) is all about the Book of You.
Ways this could work:
I could tell you guys.
And remind the Frolicsome Bar!
And send out some magic. Activate the secret force of Heinzelmaennchen!
My commitment.
To madly love this program, its potential and everyone in it.
To help everyone who plays get what they need. To dance and laugh and jump around.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
Honestly, I cannot even believe it’s already been a week. So fast!
The first thing I wanted was a speedy solution to the tech disaster, and it happened! Unbelievable! Hooray. Thank you.
I asked for a calendar and got three. And they are wonderful! Thanks, Colleen and Waverly and Mary!
This is so completely perfect, because I really wanted more than one, but it seemed like too much to ask for. Now there is a calendar everywhere I need one. Joyousness.
Then I wanted movement with all the projects-in-process. This did not even slightly happen. But, in a weird way, that was good. Other things happened. It worked out.
And now we’re about to Rally, so whatever isn’t done will get taken to be rallied.
Comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.
- Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for. Or updates on last time!
Stuff I’d rather not have:
- The word “manifest”.
- To be told how I should be asking for things.
- To be judged, psychoanalyzed or given unsolicited advice.
Wishing love and good things for your Very Personal Ads! I’m so happy to have people doing this with me.