What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
Item! Special Metaphor Mouse edition!
A somewhat goofy mini-collection of stuff I’ve been reading, stuff I’ve been thinking about and oh, some completely random crap.
Basically the stuff that never gets mentioned here because I’m not the kind of person who can just make some teeny little point. Not into the whole brevity thing, as the Dude would say.
Actually, I’m under the strict compulsion to write ten pages about anything on my mind. So this is me. Practicing brevity.
This is extremely exciting to announce:
I’m on my Extremely Intentional For Once Not An Emergency Having A Breakdown Vacation.
Starting oh, right about now. Well, in a couple of hours. It’s lovely. Thank you.
So I thought for this week’s Item!-izing, we’d look at some useful posts where people use my Metaphor Mouse magic to work on destuckifying things.
Metaphor Mouse power ACTIVATE!
Or something.
Item! Post No. 57 in a sometimes weekly series that has probably outworn its welcome but I really like saying Item!
Item! Metaphor Mouse turns to-dos into Missions!
Our brilliant Lucy has found a way to get stuff done by becoming a grand adventurer.
It’s especially inspiring because this one small change-of-word has allowed her to, as she put it, cast herself as the hero of her own story.
This is a sweet, thoughtful post that manages, between the lines, to say a lot of useful things about mindfulness, self-care and having a non-cheesy conscious relationship with yourself.
“I don’t get along with to-do lists, so instead of to-do lists, I’m giving myself missions.
To give you an idea of how thrilling the missions are, Mission One was to get dressed, eat breakfast, and decide what Mission Two would be.
They’re not designed to be big, overwhelming missions. They’re designed to be little, doable missions.
I’m on Mission Six now, and this part of the mission says “eat lunch and write a blog post”. I’m allowing myself an hour to write the blog post, and then I’m going to put it up, even if it’s crap.”
I love this!
Lucy is @lucyviret on Twitter.
Item! Metaphor Mouse turns writing into baking!
Tara uses my Metaphor Mouse formula to take on the dreaded Writing of Sales Pages.
And transforms the stuck into something she loves.
This post made me want to dance around the kitchen!
“What happens when there aren’t any expectations of what I *should* be doing? What does that look like?
That feels like I’m dancing around in my kitchen, as an adult (ie, not a kid doing homework), putting my favorite ingredients together, confident in my skill.
*bing*
When sales page = homework:
I feel:
like a kid
worried of getting in trouble
trying to please…the big kids? the experts?When sales page = my baking:
I feel:
like an adult
responsible to myself
confident
free
I want to share all the tasty goodness!”
Nice!
She’s @blondechicken on Twitter.
Item! Metaphor Mouse turns “coaching” into something way better.
Emily, who clearly has some of the same issues with the word “coaching” as I do, despite um, being one but calling it something else.
She wrote a lovely — and very funny — post called Find your inner what? Who wants to remind themselves of a smelly gym?
Notice how she uses both the epiphany-generating magic of Shiva Nata, the power of journaling and the metaphor technique all together.
And notice how she’s able to completely detach from the “coach as sweaty guy with whistle” programming and to substitute something smart and magical instead.
“The inner curator knows about all my various collections: my thoughts, my ambitions, my secret dreams, my feelings.
And more than this, she understands the environment. If she notices some dry rot creeping into the textiles, she knows she needs to adjust the controls.
She can guide me to the parts of myself I need to be focusing on, and when I see a collection that I want to delve into in a deeper way, she can take me to the collections that are not on public display.
She also knows what might be missing from the collection…those things we should work to acquire to make our collection more complete. She knows our strengths and our weaknesses.”
Oh, and then read her next post to see how having that Inner Curator frees up her creativity all week. Wow.
She’s @emilyroots on Twitter.
Item! Comments! Here’s what I want this time:
- Things you’re thinking about.
- Things you think you’d like to metaphor-ize but haven’t gotten around to playing with yet.
That is all.
Happy reading.
And happy Blustery Windsday. But a balmy one for Claire!
In which Metaphor Mouse gets a makeover and decorates a hat!
Background: the metaphor technique is something I’ve adapted from Suzette Haden Elgin‘s teachings. It’s a terrific tool for destuckifying.
We play with this one at the Kitchen Table and some of my wacky events. It’s mainly an excuse for me to make my “What’s a meta for?” joke, but the results are seriously great.
It’s also how I discovered that I work on a pirate ship. Which helped me with my hackers. And my fear of being beautiful.
More recently we turned my horrid Tickler file into an Iguana Watcher’s Guide And we turned “doing taxes” into a Secret Money Cave where I visit my treasures, take notes in my Pirate Log and make a Tribute to the lands that allow me access to their fair harbours.
Please note the gorgeous new Metaphor Mouse graphic.
Metaphor Mouse power ACTIVATE! Now 97% more awesome.
Blah blah editing. Unpacking (metaphor!) the metaphor.
The situation:
I’m currently working on several very fun secret projects.
And three of them are at the super boring (for me) editing stage.
But not yet at the sub-stage where I can outsource the editing, because we’re still at the part where it’s about content. And it needs my brain.
Except that my brain is not so into it, because my brain is high on Shivanautical epiphanies and being in the zooooom of the creative process. Zoom!
So something needed to shift but I hadn’t really done anything with this. Until I caught myself using the word DRUDGERY while on the phone with Pam.
Drudgery? No wonder I don’t want to spend time on it.
This looks like a job for … Metaphor Mouse!
* Again, this is is just me yelling I AM METAPHOR MOUSE to the song I am Iron Man. Obviously.
Unpacking my CURRENT relationship with this. (EDITING = ?)
What are the qualities, aspects and attributes of the thing that isn’t working (including what *is* working — if anything)?
[+ necessary]
[+ vital]
[+ valuable]
[+ DRUDGERY!]
[+ specialized — not everyone can do it at this phase]
[+ but not special — doesn’t use my genius, other than indirectly]
[+ boring]
[+ takes time away from creative fun]
[+ extremely un-sparkly]
[+ where is the sparkle?!]
[+ not graceful]
[+ avoidance]
Reminds me of?
It’s some sort of physical task that requires effort, can sometimes be engaging but isn’t that exciting.
Painting? No. Spackling.
Way more fun to say than it is to do.
Is there a metaphor here?
Not sure yet. We’ll go with spackling for now. At least I get to say spackling. Spackling!
Schpachtel! Or Spachtel, if you prefer to Germanize the spelling.
Yes, I know I’m distracting you to avoid being Metaphor Mouse. Must. Activate. Superpowers.
Learning more about my IDEAL metaphor (X = ?)
What sort of qualities, aspects and feelings does the thing I want contain?
[+ necessary]
[+ vital]
[+ valuable]
[+ special]
[+ sparkly!]
[+ movement]
[+ flourishes]
[+ attention to detail]
[+ engages my attention]
[+ fun]
[+ energizing]
[+ excitement]
[+ anticipation about the finished product/end result]
Reminds me of?
It seems like … what I want to be doing is a lot like playing with something you’ve almost mastered rather than working on mastering it (practicing scales isn’t fun but doing extra-flourishes once you’ve learned something is).
No, that’s not quite right.
It’s like getting ready for a party. It’s decorating for the Sparkly Dance Party. For a surprise party!
So you’re working on something. And setting it up. And putting finishing touches on it.
But it’s not boring, because there’s music and snacks and energy and excitement, and you’re getting the thing ready for a surprise that will make people happy.
HAPPY!
What do you think, Metaphor Mouse? Are we at metaphor?
Indeed.
We have officially reached Metaphor!
Are we comfortable with this one?
Or do we need an intermediary metaphor to be a bridge (ding! metaphor!) to help you get from where there to here?
I think it’s good.
Streamers! Magic markers! Balloons! Surprises! Icing! Permission to be silly and messy and see what happens!
Yes.
What needs to happen next?
Okay. If “editing” is now DECORATING FOR THE SURPRISE SPARKLY DANCE PARTY … what needs to happen?
And how do we make it more fun?
We’ll need:
- a list of what needs decorating when
- a designated space/time/container for decorating
- engage my Group Leaders at the Kitchen Table for support and cheering
- to use the Iguana Chicken board at the Table
an editing costumea decorating costume (an apron?)- a Sparkly Dance Party decorating soundtrack (and some Dance of Shiva, of course)
- to make a distinction between products (crap, I need a metaphor for products!) that need decorating and HATS that need decorating.*
* A HAT is what I call a “sales page” because sales pages make me throw up. It stands for Havi’s Announcing a Thing, but it actually doubles as a pretty good metaphor too.
Reporting back:
Okay. I only just came up with this one.
But I can already tell that I feel considerably less inclined to go into avoidance mode when I think about editing going into decorating mode.
And I have an experiment planned: to sit in a cafe and do 45 minutes of decorating, just to see how it feels and what it needs.
Excellent.
Would you like to play? Comment zen for today.
You are more than welcome to do your own Metaphor Mouse-ing on something you’re working on.
Or to celebrate with me and/or decorate sparkly hats.
As always: we let people have their own experience, and we don’t give advice (unless someone specifically asks for it).
Decorating! Hats! Mice! Come play.
Very Personal Ads #37: oh it’s planned all right
Personal ads! They’re … personal! Very.
So my itty bitty personal ads made me realize that it’s time to make a regular practice of trying to feel okay asking for stuff.
Even when the asking thing feels weird and conflicted.
Ever since I posted the first one asking my perfect house to find me, which united me with Hoppy House, I have been a fan of the madness that is personal ads.
And now it’s my weekly ritual. Yay, ritual!
Let’s do this thing.
Thing 1: a successful Non-Emergency Vacation.
Here’s what I want:
I’ve scheduled an actual Planned Vacation. As opposed to my standard, traditional have a nervous breakdown vacation. I know. Shocking.
This is what I’ll be doing this week instead of being in Austin for SXSW. Yes, it’s my own personal JWNS (Just West No South).
What I want is this:
Relaxation.
Clarity.
Time.
Rest.
Surprises.
And of course I want my business pirate ship to sail smooth seas while I’m away from the wheel.
Ways this could work:
I can keep having regular Drunk Pirate Council (that’s what we call “meetings”) while away.
I can come up with some sort of solution to keep the blog feeling loved (see next VPA).
And it could just work.
My commitment.
To breathe.
To trust.
To take notes.
To eat nachos and laugh hysterically.
Thing 2: posties
Here’s what I want:
Since I’ll be on Intentional Non-Emotional-Collapse Vacation, I won’t be writing a lot of blog posts.
But I don’t like to abandon the blog. And I really am not into guest posts. Hmm. Maybe there’s some sort of compromise there.
Like I could take a shorter break and then catch up on some Ask Havi posts that have been waiting for attention.
Or do a collection of Metaphor Mouse posts.
Or?
Ways this could work:
Not sure yet.
My commitment.
To be open to creative solutions that might surprise me.
To be playful.
To talk to my business and find out what it thinks.
Thing 3: Insights.
Here’s what I want:
I’m in the middle of putting together a bunch of new products and programs for a launch brunch for the new Playground studio.
And while I’m off on Non-Emergency Vacation all of this will be waiting for me.
So what I want is to have insights and understandings about the various next steps while I’m busy not working on this project.
Here’s how I want this to work:
Various Shivanautical epiphanies, small and large.
The genius effects of not doing.
Stuff can come up in dreams. It can come up in conversations, at the Twitter bar or in whatever form is right for it.
The trees can whisper secrets to me if they want to. I don’t mind.
My commitment.
To do Shiva Nata every day — even if it’s just five minutes.
To walk and walk and walk.
To ask questions. To go to bed early. To write. To be curious.
And to give myself permission to just have fun, assuming that whatever insights need to come are already winging their way to me.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
Well, last week I didn’t so much ask for anything as write a love letter to my business on the occasion of its fifth (or fourth) birthday.
And I have to say that, while I wasn’t expecting anything to change based on that, I have had the sense this week that my business and I have gotten closer.
I realize that sounds kind of screwed up. But there you have it. Closer.
It’s lovely, really.
Comments. Since I’m already asking …
I am adding to my practice of asking for stuff by being more specific about what I would like to receive in the comments.
Here’s what I want (just leave them in the comments):
- Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for. Or updates on last time!
What I would rather not have:
- Reality theories.
- Shoulds. As in, “You should be doing it like this” or “That’s not the right way to ask for things — instead it should be like x, y and z”
- To be judged or psychoanalyzed.
- Advices.
My commitment.
I am committing to getting better at asking for things even when asking feels weird.
Thanks for doing this with me!
Friday Chicken #84: sweetness
Because it’s Friday AGAIN. And because traditions are important. In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
Man.
I don’t even know what to say about this week.
Other than that it was pretty crappy, with some surprisingly good bits thrown in.
But that the good bits showed up at all the right times.
And that is actually pretty great in and of itself. Shall we chicken?
*waves to the Chickeneers of the High Seas*
The hard stuff
Birthday weekend hangover.
Not literally or anything.
But maybe energetically.
Down in the dumps. Dehydrated. Headachey. Miserable. Ugh.
Lost track of the good.
Had a couple days of feeling really disconnected.
And then I couldn’t remember why I do what I do.
And it was not fun. But then I remembered. Whew.
Stickiness.
Processing discomfort. And more shoes.
Blah blah. Growth period. Blah. Ick. Stoopid. Tired of it.
Awful treatment at fancy spa place.
Ugh. Worst birthday present to myself ever.
Did I mention the part about everything getting on my nerves or is that already obvious?
Grrr.
Yeah.
Luckily, there was also good stuff.
The good stuff
My people.
You guys and my clients and everyone making things better.
Toozday.
Pulled out of my funk (with the assistance of my gentleman friend who took me and my duck out for a breakfast-and-work date) and actually got stuff done.
Had my first genius productive day in a while and it was lovely.
Oh yes.
yoga.
Yet again, my salvation in difficult times.
My gentleman friend pulled out the non-sucky yoga package every single evening after work. And we made creaky sounds (I am, after all, an old Turkish lady) and it was kind of depressing to see how little my body wanted to move, given that I am also a yoga teacher.
But it just made everything better.
A lot better.
Kirtan!
So much happy.
Sean Johnson and the Wild Lotus Band was in town from New Orleans. I was pretty excited to see them again.
And it was exactly what was needed. Mad dancing ensued. Selma loved it.
Shivanautical epiphanies!
Much rocking out to Dance of Shiva and having weird, crazy, wonderful understandings.
Whoooosh!
Big progress on my thing.
Thanks to some emergency Non-Drunk Drunk Pirate Councils with my gentleman friend (more like Morning Bagel Council — aaarrrr!), stuff is moving.
Movement! Big!
Hooray!
Thank you!
Seriously, all the cards and presents-for-Selma that arrived this week were just charming.
Thanks Janet and Meghan and Megan and Steve and Beth and Michelle and Ingrid (mwah!) and Cairene and my uncle Svevo and everyone else that I’m forgetting at the moment in my current state of being overwhelmed-by-sweetness.
You are all marvelous!
Also my gentleman friend surprised me with a vintage 40s vanity table (remember?!) and it’s gorgeous. And now I can sit on an enormous pink mushroom stool brush my hair in style.
And … playing live at the meme beach house!
Yes, that’s a Stuism too.
My brother and I have this thing where we come up with ridiculous band names and then say in this really pretentious, knowing tone, “Oh, well, you know, it’s just one guy.”
This week?
Dough Conditioner Conspiracy
Yeah. It’s just one guy.
Second runner up: Hollow Bagel Politicians (their latest album is RUBBISH!)
That’s it for me …
And yes yes yes, of course you can join in my Friday ritual right here in the comments bit if you feel like it.
Yeah? Anything hard and/or good happen in your week?
And, as always, have a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious weekend. And a happy week to come.
Metaphor Mouse and the Gratitude Picnic!
Background: the metaphor technique is something I’ve adapted from Suzette Haden Elgin‘s teachings. It’s a terrific tool for destuckifying.
We play with this one at the Kitchen Table and some of my wacky events. It’s mainly an excuse for me to make my “What’s a meta for?” joke, but the results are seriously great.
It’s also how I discovered that I work on a pirate ship. Which helped me deal with my hackers. And my fear of being beautiful.
More recently we turned my horrid Tickler file into an Iguana Watcher’s Guide. And then we turned “doing taxes” into a Secret Money Cave where I visit my treasures and make a Tribute to the lands that allow me access to their fair harbours.
I don’t want to fire anyone! Unpacking (metaphor!) the metaphor.
The situation was thus:
I’d had a bunch of Shivanautical epiphanies around the structure of my business. That’s kind of the problem with Dance of Shiva — it gives you all this incredibly useful information that’s really hard to ignore.
But I wanted to ignore it.
Because my neurally-connected business savant brain was telling me — very clearly — that I needed a new First Mate on my pirate ship.
I needed someone local who would be at Drunk Pirate Council. Someone who would work exclusively for The Fluent Self and represent the business at all times. Someone who could be online all the time.
Which meant that I couldn’t keep working with my lovely very first First Mate Marissa.
So I felt sad. And anxious. And scared.
Worse: how would I tell her?
What if she thought I was, oh god, firing her? I can’t fire Marissa! That’s not what’s happening! This is stupid and horrible!
Luckily, it wasn’t too late to call on … Metaphor Mouse!
* Again, this is is just me yelling I AM METAPHOR MOUSE to the song I am Iron Man. Obviously.
Unpacking my CURRENT relationship with this. (FIRING = ?)
What are the qualities, aspects and attributes of the thing that isn’t working (including what *is* working — if anything)?
[+ squad]
[+ mean]
[+ responsibility]
[+ GUILT]
[+ anxiety]
[+ blame
[+ causing pain]
[+ firing a gun?! worst metaphor ever!]
[+ stuck]
[+ discomfort]
[+ it’s the right thing to do]
[+ doing what’s best for the business]
[+ sovereignty]
[+ pruning is good for the roses]
[+ firing squad squad squad squad squad squad squad]
[+ ugh]
Reminds me of?
Oh. It’s like … being next door to the room where someone is being executed by lethal injection and feeling soooooooo guilty.
Guilt!
That’s not where I want to be. Where I want to be has to include things that are mutually beneficial. It has to include gratitude for what has been true so far.
So. What happens when I walk out of the lethal injection building?
Where do I go?
I step out the door and walk down a gravel path. I’m at a garden now. Color. Light. Everything is beautiful.
And then there is a path leading out of the garden. Which forks into two paths.
Of course.
When we’re out here, we just branch off and separate. I have the way that is my way, and Marissa has her Marissa way and they are both good.
And where they meet — at the fork in the road where all the flowers are — that’s where we have a picnic.
A Goodbye Picnic where there is space and time to say thank you and be appreciative and give flowers and hug and be happy. And eat pie with our forks!
Learning more about my IDEAL metaphor (X = ?)
What sort of qualities, aspects and feelings does the thing I want contain?
[+ sovereignty]
[+ trust]
[+ calm]
[+ simple]
[+ mutual benefit]
[+ I am not responsible for anyone else’s life]
[+ equality]
[+ gratitude]
[+ respect]
[+ ritual]
[+ amicable]
[+ ease]
[+ snacks!]
Does a Gratitude Picnic work with that? Yep. It’s a picnic.
Do we have Lift-off Metaphor?
Whee!
Are we comfortable with this metaphor?
Or do we need an intermediary metaphor to be a bridge (ding! metaphor!) to help you get from where there to here?
No. I’m good.
You’ll never guess what happened next.
I was overjoyed to have my metaphor and my less-creepy plus considerably healthier understanding of what needed to happen.
But I was still feeling a little anxious about how to be really clear that this was a loving decision happening in loving circumstances.
So I went to call her and then I saw in my super secret email account that only she and my gentleman friend have access to — it gets maybe three emails a month — there was a message from Marissa.
A message from her explaining that the time had come for her to hand over the role of First Mate to the next deserving person.
And I said Gratitude Picnic? And she said Yay! And all was good in the world.
Timing. Awesome.
Reporting back:
Everything went smooth as butter.
Except that then we both got super busy with our new things and forgot to have our Gratitude Picnic.
So I’m calling one right now!
Here’s some of what I appreciate Marissa for:
- For being silly with me
- For making every day Talk Like A Pirate Day
- For being on my side.
- For dealing with all sorts of crap (and shoes) and things I just couldn’t handle
- For allowing me to go on Email Sabbatical
- For making up ridiculous words
- For being the behind-the-scenes help at the Kitchen Table
- For making me laugh
- For caring about what I do
- For being a Shivanaut
- For being a Fan of Selma
- For being her fabulous self
- For making tough decisions
- For dedication and fun — at the same time!
- For sweetly making things easier on my new First Mate with learning the ropes
- For her thoughtfulness
- For her kindheartedness
- For putting up with my stuff
This is the start of a Gratitude Picnic!
Thank you thank you thank you.
Would you like to play? Comment zen for today.
You are more than welcome to do cartwheels with me here at the Gratitude Picnic.
Or to do your own Metaphor Mouse-ing on something you’re working on.
Or to be silly with us and eat pie.
And, as always: we let people have their own experience, and we don’t give advice.
Picnic! Come play.