Background: the metaphor technique is something I’ve adapted from Suzette Haden Elgin‘s teachings. It’s a terrific tool for destuckifying.

More recently we turned my horrid Tickler file into an Iguana Watcher’s Guide. And then we turned “doing taxes” into a Secret Money Cave where I visit my treasures and make a Tribute to the lands that allow me access to their fair harbours.

I don’t want to fire anyone! Unpacking (metaphor!) the metaphor.

The situation was thus:

I’d had a bunch of Shivanautical epiphanies around the structure of my business. That’s kind of the problem with Dance of Shiva — it gives you all this incredibly useful information that’s really hard to ignore.

But I wanted to ignore it.

Because my neurally-connected business savant brain was telling me — very clearly — that I needed a new First Mate on my pirate ship.

I needed someone local who would be at Drunk Pirate Council. Someone who would work exclusively for The Fluent Self and represent the business at all times. Someone who could be online all the time.

Which meant that I couldn’t keep working with my lovely very first First Mate Marissa.

So I felt sad. And anxious. And scared.

Worse: how would I tell her?

What if she thought I was, oh god, firing her? I can’t fire Marissa! That’s not what’s happening! This is stupid and horrible!

Luckily, it wasn’t too late to call on … Metaphor Mouse!

* Again, this is is just me yelling I AM METAPHOR MOUSE to the song I am Iron Man. Obviously.

Unpacking my CURRENT relationship with this. (FIRING = ?)

What are the qualities, aspects and attributes of the thing that isn’t working (including what *is* working — if anything)?

[+ squad]
[+ mean]
[+ responsibility]
[+ GUILT]
[+ anxiety]
[+ blame
[+ causing pain]
[+ firing a gun?! worst metaphor ever!]
[+ stuck]
[+ discomfort]
[+ it’s the right thing to do]
[+ doing what’s best for the business]
[+ sovereignty]
[+ pruning is good for the roses]
[+ firing squad squad squad squad squad squad squad]
[+ ugh]

Reminds me of?

Oh. It’s like … being next door to the room where someone is being executed by lethal injection and feeling soooooooo guilty.

Guilt!

That’s not where I want to be. Where I want to be has to include things that are mutually beneficial. It has to include gratitude for what has been true so far.

So. What happens when I walk out of the lethal injection building?

Where do I go?

I step out the door and walk down a gravel path. I’m at a garden now. Color. Light. Everything is beautiful.

And then there is a path leading out of the garden. Which forks into two paths.

Of course.

When we’re out here, we just branch off and separate. I have the way that is my way, and Marissa has her Marissa way and they are both good.

And where they meet — at the fork in the road where all the flowers are — that’s where we have a picnic.

A Goodbye Picnic where there is space and time to say thank you and be appreciative and give flowers and hug and be happy. And eat pie with our forks!

Learning more about my IDEAL metaphor (X = ?)

What sort of qualities, aspects and feelings does the thing I want contain?

[+ sovereignty]
[+ trust]
[+ calm]
[+ simple]
[+ mutual benefit]
[+ I am not responsible for anyone else’s life]
[+ equality]
[+ gratitude]
[+ respect]
[+ ritual]
[+ amicable]
[+ ease]
[+ snacks!]

Does a Gratitude Picnic work with that? Yep. It’s a picnic.

Do we have Lift-off Metaphor?

Whee!

Are we comfortable with this metaphor?

Or do we need an intermediary metaphor to be a bridge (ding! metaphor!) to help you get from where there to here?

No. I’m good.

You’ll never guess what happened next.

I was overjoyed to have my metaphor and my less-creepy plus considerably healthier understanding of what needed to happen.

But I was still feeling a little anxious about how to be really clear that this was a loving decision happening in loving circumstances.

So I went to call her and then I saw in my super secret email account that only she and my gentleman friend have access to — it gets maybe three emails a month — there was a message from Marissa.

A message from her explaining that the time had come for her to hand over the role of First Mate to the next deserving person.

And I said Gratitude Picnic? And she said Yay! And all was good in the world.

Timing. Awesome.

Reporting back:

Everything went smooth as butter.

Except that then we both got super busy with our new things and forgot to have our Gratitude Picnic.

So I’m calling one right now!

Here’s some of what I appreciate Marissa for:

• For being silly with me
• For making every day Talk Like A Pirate Day
• For being on my side.
• For dealing with all sorts of crap (and shoes) and things I just couldn’t handle
• For allowing me to go on Email Sabbatical
• For making up ridiculous words
• For being the behind-the-scenes help at the Kitchen Table
• For making me laugh
• For caring about what I do
• For being a Shivanaut
• For being a Fan of Selma
• For being her fabulous self
• For making tough decisions
• For dedication and fun — at the same time!
• For sweetly making things easier on my new First Mate with learning the ropes
• For her thoughtfulness
• For her kindheartedness
• For putting up with my stuff

This is the start of a Gratitude Picnic!

Thank you thank you thank you.

Would you like to play? Comment zen for today.

You are more than welcome to do cartwheels with me here at the Gratitude Picnic.

Or to do your own Metaphor Mouse-ing on something you’re working on.

Or to be silly with us and eat pie.

And, as always: we let people have their own experience, and we don’t give advice.

Picnic! Come play.