What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
Friday Check-in #51: “Punk By Association” edition
Because it’s Friday AGAIN. And because traditions are important. In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
Oh, look. We’re almost at a whole year of Friday Chickens.
Which means that I’m sure to space out completely next week and not celebrate it at all.
So I need you guys to remind me. Stupid rituals. Grumble grumble. No, I love the chicken. It weirds me out that anyone reads it, but yeah, the chicken. It makes everything better.
The hard stuff
Feeling anxious.
Weird dreams. Vague worries.
Not cool.
Wondering what on earth I’m going to post about next week.
My plan for the “I’ll be away teaching at a writer’s retreat for over a week” was to write some posts ahead of time for the blog.
Hahahahahahahaha.
Now it’s here and I’m about to get on a plane and of course I have nothing. Bubkes.
I will most likely end up posting some journal notes from my latest mini-project, which has been working through some of the exercises in Barbara Sher’s book Wishcraft.
Or …
Who knows?
But it’s kind of been stressing me out. I don’t want advice on this, just sympathy. So please don’t say “just don’t post — you’re on vacation!” or “guest posts!” or whatever because I’m not so into that.
A horrifically long list of Things To Do.
And it’s actually worse than that because now it’s a horrifically long list of Things To Do That Will Not Be Done Until I Get Back.
Gah! Stupid lists!
Separation anxiety.
About to go six whole days without my gentleman friend. Aaaaaaaaaagh. Poor me.
I don’t want to talk about it.
The good stuff
My people rock.
Teaching is really fun when cool, interesting people show up.
Had a blast at the Habits Detective teleclass this week (a freebie thing that I do twice a year).
Great people (and about a hundred and fifty of them). Thoughtful questions. Good times.
Thanks, guys!
Summer in Portland.
Admittedly, it is way too hot for comfort.
But fresh blueberries and raspberries!
Dinner in the garden with Denise and her gentleman friend and the Hoppy House clan and also spectacular amounts of food.
Lots of help (and some really great helper mice).
There was sort of an unfair amount of hard this week.
But I also got a lot of really great help.
A genius coaching session from Carolyn about “being steady in my creative power” (yes, we’re huge hippies), a terrific massage, an amazing session from Hiro.
Plus Janet taught a class on mindful time management for my Kitchen Table program and I got all sorts of good stuff from that to work with.
Oh, the helper mice. They help. They really do.
Headed for Taos. Whooooo!
So in case you still have no idea what I’ve been talking about all chicken long, I’ll be teaching all next week at Jen Louden’s fabulous Writer’s Retreat.
Jen is a phenomenal teacher. It is such an honor to be joining her there. Plus writer me gets a chance to work on her scribblings.
Plus we will be destuckifying like crazy and I’ll be making mad Shivanauts of everyone there. Rock. On.
Basically, I am looking forward to every single part of this retreat and have been for ages.
Well, except for the missing-my-gentleman-friend part but he is going to come out and visit me in the middle and then fly back with me, so that works out too.
And … new at the meme beach house!
Yes, that’s a Stuism too.
My brother and I have this thing where we come up with ridiculous band names from things we happen to be talking about … and then say in this really pretentious, knowing tone, “Oh, well, you know, it’s just one guy.”
This week at the meme beach house it’s:
Punk By Association
Me: “He wasn’t really a punk. The people who he hung out with were though. So it’s more like … punk by association.”
Ez: “PBA? I love that band.”
Me: “Uh … it’s just one guy.”
Yes!
And … STUISMS of the week.
Stu is my paranoid McCarthy-ist voice-to-text software who delights in torturing me misunderstanding me. I can’t stand him.
Stu wasn’t that funny this week. Which is a good sign because it means either a. he’s actually working for a change or b. that I’m not using him as much.
A bit of both, actually.
Anyway, the gems from this week, including Stu’s acetyl Freudian slips.
- Joe’s kind on Stoddard instead of “just kind of stuttered”
- under a lap on instead of “Andrey Lappa”
- as sin as I fined instead of “as soon as I find”
- Have fun hashed eggs are instead of “how fun hashtags are”
That’s it for me …
And yes yes yes, of course you can join in my Friday ritual right here in the comments bit if you feel like it.
Yeah? Anything hard and/or good happen in your week?
And, as always, have a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious weekend. And a happy week to come.
This may be slightly surreal.
Okay, enough with the disclaimers.
The cast of characters:
My arms: not so much their actual physical arm-ness, more like a representation of my arms. Actually, think of a Greek chorus made up entirely of arms.
Me: You know, me.
Cobalt: The awesome body-work chick who does various wacky healing stuff with me.
The scene:
A small massage room. I am on the massage table. Cobalt is holding my arm (my real attached-to-my-body arm). Meanwhile, my symbolic arms are marching around the room, holding placards. They’re protesting.
The protest.
My arms (chanting and waving signs): No more pain! No more pain! No more pain!
Cobalt: Do your arms want to say anything today?
My arms: No more pain! No more pain! No more pain!
Me: Uh, they seem to not want any more pain.
Cobalt: Well, that seems reasonable.
Me: I guess.
Cobalt: Do they have anything they want to add to that?
My arms: No more pain! No more pain! No more pain!
The pain.
Cobalt: What kind of pain are they not wanting more of? Is it the pain that they feel right now? Is it all pain? What pain is this?
My arms: No more pain! No more pain! No more pain!
Me: Okay. They’re not being specific. They’re ignoring what I ask. In fact, they’re actually just marching around the room with placards chanting “no more pain” over and over again.
Cobalt: They’re protesting?
Me: Yup.
Cobalt: Nice!
What do I want?
Cobalt: What do you want to do?
Me: I kind of want to join them.
Cobalt: Go for it.
Me: No more pain! No more pain! No more pain!
My arms: No more pain! No more pain! No more pain!
Me: But I’m also mad at them.
Cobalt: Okay, that’s legitimate.
Bolsheviks.
Me: It seems annoyingly hypocritical of them to protest pain when they’re the ones causing me pain.
My arms: No more pain! No more pain! No more pain!
Me: It’s because of them that I haven’t been able to work more than a couple hours a day since January, which has been really hard on my business. It’s because of them that I can’t write very much and I have to make Stu write my blog posts which sucks because it takes forever … and also because he’s a conceited, bigoted asshat.
Cobalt: Stu?
Me: He’s actually voice-to-text software. But he’s still an asshat. Also, he’s obsessed with Bolsheviks.
Cobalt: Wow.
I get a negotiator.
Cobalt: Well, let’s get the protesters over here so we can find out what their list of demands is, and you can tell them why you’re mad.
Me: Oh. You’re my negotiator. Thank you.
Cobalt: What are their demands?
My arms: No more pain! No more pain! No more pain!
Me: Listen, I can’t help meet your demands if you don’t tell me specifically what this no more pain thing looks like.
My arms: You need to stop going to acupuncture. And you can’t get massage if it hurts. No shots at the dentist. No more stitches!
Me: Those are all things I do to take care of myself. And the massage and the acupuncture are for you guys, so you’ll get better. I can’t stop doing healing things.
My arms: No more pain! No more pain! No more pain!
I learn something about my arms.
Cobalt: Any other demands they have?
My arms: A bodyguard.
Me: They want a bodyguard.
Cobalt: Okay. What’s this bodyguard like?
Me: He’s really big. He has a shaved head and earrings. He has enormous arms. But he’s actually very gentle. Like, you get the sense that he is a lovely person, but if the wrong person got close, he’d beat the crap out of them.
Cobalt: Nice.
Me: Oh, weird. It’s my massage therapist! It’s like … my arms want protection from pain … from the person who sometimes causes them pain?
And I learn something else.
Cobalt: You’re thinking of your arms as the source of your pain.
But maybe your arms are more like a barometer of pain. They show you when there is too much pain in your life. Maybe they’re measuring it and demonstrating it, rather than causing it.
Me: You’re right.
The negotiation begins.
Cobalt: Havi, what parts of these demands can you meet? Any of them?
Me: I am willing to take a break from acupuncture. I am willing to ask my massage therapist to only do very gentle stuff for a while. Last time we were at the dentist we asked not to have shots and it was fine … we’re done with the stitches …
Cobalt: Is there anything else you want to say?
Me: These demands are unfair.
Cobalt: What would you tell your arms about why you think this is unfair?
Me: I can’t protect you from pain! Life involves pain. How can I make promises about future pain? Plus, what if I stub my toe tomorrow?Of course there will be pain. I resent the idea that I could just decide not to have pain in my life (though I admit I also find it appealing).
My arms are appreciative.
Cobalt: And what do your arms have to say about that?
My arms: No more pain! No more pain! No more pain!
Cobalt: What else?
My arms: You can do more.
Me: What?
My arms: There are already things you do to keep out or to mitigate pain. You have people who read your email for you and moderate your blog comments. You don’t go to networking events (thank you, by the way — we appreciate that). You take steps. So why can’t you take more steps?
Me: Okay, you can have a bodyguard.
My arms: Thank you.
The agreement.
Me: Alright. I cannot promise that there will not be painful things or situations in my life. But I am willing to take steps to care for myself and to be considerate of … the things that I’m apparently really sensitive about.
My arms: Okay, then we will stop protesting.
Me: Will you stop hurting?
My arms: Cobalt is right. We don’t give you pain. We just announce how much pain there is in your system. And when we think you have been given too much, then we protest it because it’s not fair for you to be in so much pain.
Me: You’re on my side?
My arms: Hello! We’re your arms.
The party.
Cobalt: Sounds like we have a settlement.
Me: Yeah.
Cobalt: So … is there going to be a party?
Me: A no-more-pain party?
Cobalt: A party, a ribbon-cutting, a ceremony … what needs to happen to mark this new relationship?
Me: There could be a party.
My arms: Can we have it on the pirate ship? Can we? Can we?
Me: I don’t see why not. Let’s go!
Today’s comment zen.
My arms: Havi would appreciate it if you would avoid anything judge-ey or should-ey like telling her that she’s crazy or that she should really be using The Thing That Worked For You to stop her pain. Also, she has a bodyguard.
But she would be happy to talk about other aspects of this. And to laugh with you about the ridiculousness that is her arms getting to write the comment zen.
Me: That wasn’t bad, actually. Works for me.
Item! Apparently we are peculiar but hilarious!
A somewhat goofy mini-collection of stuff I’ve been reading, stuff I’ve been thinking about and oh, some completely random crap.
Basically the stuff that never gets mentioned here because I’m not the kind of person who can just make some teeny little point. Not into the whole brevity thing, as the Dude would say.
Actually, I’m under the strict compulsion to write ten pages about anything on my mind. So this is me. Practicing brevity.
Item! Post No. 27 in the mostly ongoing series that ensures that I share at least some of the good stuff I find online.
Item! This post about Denise’s trip to Seattle is soooo funny!
Well, maybe just if you’re me.
Anyway, she went to Seattle. And then wrote a bunch of Twitter updates.
And then didn’t actually publish them because of a bizarre series of reasons that are somehow all my fault. Which is also funny.
So this post is her collection of unpublished Tweets, mostly about food.
And the whole thing is just so completely entertaining. Denise is always smart and funny and interesting, but if you can get her talking about food, you know it’s going to be great.
It’s a bit of a meandering stream of consciousness piece (because what else could a weekend captured in unpublished Twitter bits be), but that’s kind of what makes it so much fun.
“Breakfast a bust. Typical in-room coffee (can you say “coffee-mate”? mmm. When I open MY hotel, the honor bar will be stocked with free cream).
Llandro “bakery” and cafe across the street has no baked goods to speak of.
Disgusted with research; all the menus and venues are blurring together. $24, mussels, salmon, skirt steak, favas, radish, sustainable…blah blah blah. Yelp is a procrastinator’s nightmare.”
She’s @deniseds on Twitter.
Item! Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! Gross.
So you already know that I’m madly in love with Twitter.
Because it’s my favorite bar of all time. And because it is where my Right People get to find me by virtue of me just hanging out and being obnoxious, which means that I don’t have to do any “networking” or anything related to “the M word“.
By now, of course, the entire world and my mother know about Twitter.
But this? Seriously? This?
“For an investment of only $147, we’ll bring you 2,500 brand new Twitter followers … Guaranteed delivery within 14 days, however usually delivered within 6-10 days. Order now! — only $147!”
Yup, a company that shows how little it grasps the concept of social media by having its premise be the antithesis of social media, can get YOU more Twitter followers.
I mean, aside from the fact that you can get that many followers without paying for them and that the quality of connection with your “bought followers” (hardly your Right People) will be nonexistent and that … no, you know what?
I can’t even finish this because it’s so stupid. Just ew. That is all.
Item! Butterfly wishes
I love this post by Melynda:
“So Shiva Nata people — or Shivanauts, as we are called by Those In The Know — are extremely peculiar, but hilarious people…
It’s dark out there now, and my little origami butterflies are fluttering paper wings in the night breezes, sending my wishes into the sleeping world. “
Not sure if she’s on Twitter.
Item! Wisdom. It’s pretty great.
I’ve been reading bits and pieces lately from Gail McConnon’s blog about aging.
Not because this is the big theme in my life right now, but because I like her and I like the way she thinks about things. Plus, she’s got a nice, wry sense of humor.
I liked this post from a while back called If WISDOM & OLD Were The Highest Goals …
“Let’s be honest: Wisdom? We know it’s important. But we’ve been stomping on it for so long that we’re not even sure it’s still viable.
How do you tell the fake stuff from the real thing? I mean, all kinds of toxic and polluting wisdom might be coming in cheap from China. How would we know the difference?!”
She’s @TheAgingCoach on Twitter.
Item! Who’s on your Board of Directors?
I so adore this post from Sarah Vela called about figuring out who is on your Board of Directors.
And have read it a bunch of times (six?), because it’s inspiring. And cool. Plus I can’t wait to find out who is on my Board of Directors … a pirate ship can have a Board of Directors, right?
Then I can say “Walk the Board … of Directors!” instead of telling people to walk the plank and it will be awesome.
“Everyone should have a Jane. My Jane is named Jane, but yours could be named Chuck, or Jerome, or Tawanna.
It’s especially good if your Jane has known you for a very, very long time. My Jane has known me for about 20 years. She calls me on my bullshit, but she also sees where I’ve grown and changed.
She’s my “In Case of Emergency, Pull This Cord” person.”
She’s @orchid8 on Twitter.
Item! Update from the land of the Peculiar Shivanauts!
Let’s see. We had a discussion about whether men ever do Shiva Nata (and WHY things are weird that way).
And I put up a list of types of epiphanies you can expect from the practice (other than “hot” and “buttered”, of course).
And we keep getting more Starter Kit orders from Australia, so apparently a bunch of readers down under have recently started Shiva-ing it up, which is pretty cool too. Wheee! Maybe I’ll have to come and visit. 🙂
Item! Comments!
So it was really cool the other week when I got to work on my practice of how I ask for stuff and you guys gave me the best reading recommendations ever!
So I’m going to try it again.
Here’s what I want today:
- Decent place to get a bathing suit online (or in Portland).
- Something you read and enjoyed in the past week or so …
My commitment.
I am committed to giving time and thought to the things that people say, and I will interact with their ideas and with my own stuff as compassionately and honestly as is possible for me.
Even though asking for what I want still feels awkward for me, I’m just going to remind myself that this is a thing I’m practicing.
That is all.
Happy reading.
And happy Blustery Windsday. See you tomorrow.
Ask Havi #25: Destuckifying a hurt.
Note: it is almost impossible to get on the Ask Havi list. This person got in by a. being one of my clients or students, b. flattering the hell out of my duck, and c. making life easy on me by being clear about what the question was and what details I could use.
Turns out that the piece I wrote the other week about explosions and my own stuckified post-traumatic stress stuff brought up a lot of memories for people.
It becomes pretty clear as you read the comments that so many of us are coping with similar things.
And man, is there ever an enormous variety of traumatic experiences that can leave us with pain and fear.
Then Renmiri asked:
“How do you even begin to destuckify a bad hurt?”
And that seemed like such a hugely important question — really, it goes straight to the core of everything I teach here — that I had to sneak it into the Ask Havi line-up.
Of course there is way too much to say about this in one post.
So instead of trying to give any sort of complete answer to such a big question, I’m just going to say oh my sweet, I am sorry you have this hard.
And then I’m going to just put out a few thoughts/concepts to start with. Seven of them.
In order.
1. You give yourself permission to be hurt.
You just stop and acknowledge what a hard thing this is — and you remind yourself that it’s natural and normal that this would hurt so much.
This is the most important step. And it’s hard.
So if you can’t give this situation permission to just be awful, that’s completely understandable. If you’re not there yet, that’s okay.
Maybe you can start with trying to giving yourself permission to not be able to let it be awful, and see if that starts to loosen things up a little.
2. Acknowledge how big it is.
It’s really easy (and tempting) to go straight into “I should really be over this already” and “why is this still such a big issue?”
Not so helpful.
It is a big deal. It is your big hurt.
So remind yourself:
“Even though I really just want to be over this already, I’m taking a moment to notice how much pain and grief I have from this hurt. No wonder I’m having trouble with this. There is a lot here.”
3. Notice things.
You’re going for mindful, compassionate noticing as opposed to noticing-and-making-judgments or just observing. So …
It’s NOT like this:
Oh look, I’m noticing what a freaking mess I am. How can anyone stand to be around me?
And it’s more like this:
I’m noticing that when I am in a crowded space, I begin to feel anxious because part of me is being reminded of this experience of pain. I’m noticing that I feel more comfortable as soon as I find a quiet place to sit. I’m noticing that I’m talking to myself and people probably think I’m crazy, but hey, a woman with a duck told me to do it so it’s probably fine.
When you notice things about yourself, without judging yourself for being a real live human being who has stucknesses, you can make smart choices.
You can make decisions that serve you.
And if noticing things does trigger judgment, you go ahead and notice that too.
You make a note of it. You remind yourself that it’s a temporary pattern — you’re working on it and you’re allowed to have it — and you go back to the noticing.
4. Create safe spaces.
Part of the recovery process involves creating and re-creating experiences of safety, so your body and mind can relearn what it’s like to have sanctuary.
What “safe space” means is a pretty individual thing, so a lot of what this safety stuff looks like or feels like is going to depend on you.
So, for me … I find safe space through rituals.
I also practice reminding myself that I’m allowed to be terrified and I’m allowed to ask for help.
I give myself permission to (ack!) say no to things that involve me doing something that could challenge my sense of safety.
And I’ll also ask my gentleman friend or my brother to accompany me places when I’m having trouble accessing my sense of safety.
5. What does it need?
That’s one of my favorite questions. It doesn’t always work, but more often than not it’s really helpful.
” What does this situation need? What do I need? What would be helpful here?”
I’ll ask these questions before my ten-minute Shiva Nata practice. Or before I sit down to write. Or when I’m getting ready to talk to my stuck.
6. Allies and helper mice.
Even when it feels like you’re alone with this, you’re not.
You are cared for by so many people, including all of us.
Asking yourself if you can get better at receiving help and support… is pretty much the most helpful thing you can do for yourself.
7. Patience: still a virtue, even if being virtuous kind of sucks.
Yes, huge cliché, but it’s true. These things can take time.
Reminding yourself of the time thing (and how you need to allow more time to keep healing) is a really big deal.
“I’m allowed to take as much time as I need. Even though the situation now is reminding me of everything that is unresolved from then, I’m still in a better place than I was.
I’m engaging with my hurt and my stuck in a conscious, intentional way. (Look! I’m doing it right now! I’m talking to myself!) And that’s part of what makes now different from then.”
I know this is just a start.
And at the same time, starting is where it all happens.
So I’m going to wish you a good start, if you’re starting. And if you’ve been working on destuckifying a particular hard for what feels like forever …I get it. And I wish for you sanctuary and Useful Insights.
And can we send Renmiri the offer of a virtual-hug?
Renmiri, my wish for you is this: as much love and support and safety as you can comfortably handle, with the knowledge that there is always more available to you when you are ready for it.
Bonus destuckification resource.
I think I mentioned this last week. Tomorrow (Tuesday) Selma and I are teaching our happens-only-twice-a-year-class that doesn’t cost anything.
We call it the Habits Detective teleclass and it’s about making the whole “working on your stuff” thing a leeetle less sucky.
I don’t sell anything or promote anything. It’s just a place to learn. And you’re welcome to sign up if you’d like to hang out with us on the call or to listen to the recording later.
Today’s Comments Zen.
If you have kind thoughts for Renmiri, you are absolutely welcome to leave them here. I know we know this, but just a reminder that we don’t do shoulds here and we don’t throw shoes.
–> Sharing your own story or your thoughts about the practice and experience of destuckifying is cool too. Thanks!
Very Personal Ads #3: North Carolina and a tech genius for my pirate ship?
Personal ads! They’re … personal! Very.
So my itty bitty personal ads made me realize that it’s time to make a regular practice of trying to feel okay asking for stuff.
Ever since I posted the first one asking my perfect house to find me, which united me with Hoppy House, I have been a fan of the madness that is personal ads.
And now it’s my Sunday ritual. Yay, ritual!
Let’s do this thing.
Last week we managed to witness some pretty cool things, including Tracy getting her cat back and Leah’s husband selling his business.
The way I see it, the worst case scenario is that I’ll feel better for having written these.
Shall we?
Thing 1: Help filling the open spot in my North Carolina workshop.
Here’s the situation:
This weekend workshop (August 21-23) filled up so fast it was out of control.
There are people flying in from all over the place. All over the place? California, Minnesota, Arizona. Nigeria.
Because it is a ridiculously awesome workshop. And because people will basically do anything to spend time with my duck in person. And can you blame them? Of course not.
Just look at that schweet little face.
Anyway.
Someone had to cancel. So there is now one spot available — with lodging included.
And I do not have the time/energy/capacity to get someone to put the buy buttons back up on the sign-up page after we already went ahead and took them down.
Here’s what I want:
You are one of my people. You connect with my work.
You think it would be fun as hell (and also possibly kind of terrifying, but mostly in a good way) to spend an entire weekend with me and some really amazing people working on your stuff. And flailing around like an idiot.
You are willing to pay by paypal or write a check so that I don’t have to have someone put the buy buttons back on the page (thank you!).
You have no problem honoring your commitment to this because it’s basically the best thing that ever happened.
Here’s how I want to get it:
Someone who really wanted to go to the workshop and wasn’t quick enough the first time reads this and then reads this and goes yes yes yes yes yes!
This person is so smart that even though the page says SOLD OUT, they realize that there is now a new spot (because I’m saying so right here).
And then this person tells Marissa right away.
But I’m open to other options as well.
My commitment.
I am 100% okay with letting the new person pay the Early Bird rate since that was the spot that opened up.
I will update THIS post the second the spot is taken so that people won’t have to wonder if it is or if it isn’t.
I will adore this person forever.
EDIT: Workshop is full again. And the most marvelous person in the entire world is coming, so be happy for me and for her and for everyone else there. And if it didn’t work out for you this time around, I’m sorry and I know it will happen when it’s time. Thanks so much, guys!
Thing 2: Havi’s Pirate Ship needs a Tech Person.
Here’s what I want:
You know your way around Moodle. Like mad. Also WordPress, obviously.
You are a genius at fixing things. You laugh at gremlins.
You are patient and easy-going. Or can act like it when you are interacting with me and my people.
You will communicate pretty much exclusively with my Gentleman Friend who is the Best Explainer on my pirate ship.
Some weeks we’ll have nothing for you. Some weeks a couple hours. Some weeks a lot of fixing. You’re cool with that. This is a side thing for you, not the main thing.
You are not insanely expensive. You’ll make an offer on each project and we’ll talk it over.
You are an independent contractor. Or an LLC or something. Point being: the pirate bookkeeper lady and the pirate tax lady are not going to have issues with you doing work for me.
Ways you could come to me:
You’re a blog reader? Or you know a blog reader?
Or through a Twitter friend. Or magic. I’m pretty much open to anything here.
My commitment.
I am patient. I am fair. I am appreciative of work well-done. Also of trying and of communicating honestly and openly.
EDIT: We got a bunch of applications & resumes and we’re interviewing, so I think we’re good for now. Wow. The internet is so ridiculously cool that I can’t stand it! Thanks, guys!
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads and what’s going on with them.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I still haven’t bought swing dancing shoes but I have looked through all the amazing suggestions you guys came up with.
And can I just say how lucky I am and how easy you make it on me?
I now know for sure that whatever shoes I get are sure to be absolutely marvelous. Wheeeeeeee! Thank you!
As for the hedging … you know, I haven’t thought about it that much.
But on the other hand, I also haven’t really noticed myself engaging in it that much. So that’s progress.
I’ll count that as seeds planted and keep my ears open.
Comment Zen. Since I’m already asking …
I am adding to my practice of asking for stuff by being more specific about I would like to receive in the comments. And that way, if you feel like leaving one (you totally don’t have to), you get to be part of this experiment too. 🙂
Here’s what I want:
- Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for.
- Thoughts or ideas about ways any of the personal ads listed here could come true.
What I would rather not have:
- Reality theories.
- Shoulds. As in, “You should be doing it like this” or “That’s not the right way to ask for things — instead it should be like x, y and z”
- To be judged or psychoanalyzed.
My commitment.
I am committing to getting better at asking for things even when asking feels weird. I’m committing to giving time and thought to the things that people say, and I will interact with their ideas and with my own stuff as compassionately and honestly as is possible for me.
Thanks for doing this with me! You guys rock. I say that every time, but it’s true.