What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
Friday Check-in #27: paradox-friendly edition
Because it’s Friday AGAIN. And because traditions are important. In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
In any given week there are always a few things that fall into both the “hard” and the “good” categories at the same time.
This week it’s pretty much all of them.
I can embrace a good paradox as well as the next tree-hugging yoga teacher, but this is getting to be kind of absurd.
Oh well. It’s Friday. Let’s go.
The hard stuff
Retreating.
So as you know from last week, I went on retreat. For four days.
It was mostly fabulous but oh boy, there was plenty of hard.
Four whole days without a computer!
Four days. No internet.
Sure, I know some people take breaks from being plugged in. But only because I like to read about this phenomenon online.
And in theory I approve. But in reality?
Seriously, if you don’t count the two weeks that I was deathly ill in Berlin, it’s been about … oh, ten years since I spent that much time offline.*
It was actually much, much easier than I’d built it up to be but just the expectation of withdrawal pains was totally challenging.
*Don’t mock my addiction, please. It’s painful *and* it finances my entire life. So my terror — however unnecessary — makes perfect sense (to me, at least).
Four whole days without my gentleman friend.
Nooooooooooooo! Never doing that again. You heard it here first.
In fact, I just bought him a plane ticket to come with me to SXSW. He couldn’t care less about the conference so he’s basically going to be hanging out in Austin for the better part of a week.
But he’s coming with.*
* I feel like I need to add a “by George!” or something to that sentence, but can’t think of anything that works.
Carpal tunnel.
Ow, painful.
Ow, frustrating.
I have a ridiculously high number of things I want to say. Not being able to write them down is extremely annoying.
The good stuff
Carpal tunnel.
You would not believe how much I’m outsourcing. Stuff I should have handed off to a VA at least two years ago.
Yes, it’s annoying but it’s streamlining my business!
I’m making big, crazy changes in old systems. Big, crazy smart changes. And it’s opening up a lot of creative time for me.
To the point that I’m feeling really appreciative. And not in some phony, irritating, holier-than-thou “I appreciate hardships because they’re life lessons” sort of way.
Because that would be kind of obnoxious.
Just genuinely liking the fact that this uncomfortable situation was a big enough incentive to get me to make some hugely important changes in my business.
Four days without my gentleman friend.
No, I’m so not going to say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. This heart already is fonder.
Plus that’s a stupid thing to say.
This wasn’t really a good thing. But my understanding of just how much it’s not a good thing was really useful.
Knowing that it’s worthwhile for me to drag him along on trips and conferences arrange for him to go on holiday with me every once in a while … that’s useful too.
Four days without my computer.
This was incredible.
And that’s speaking as someone who regularly exhibits dangerous addict behavior with the internet.
Not having any idea what was happening in my email inbox was astonishingly fine. It helped that I knew Marissa was on top of things.
And she’s so great that when I came back there were only about four things she needed my input on as opposed to hundreds which would have been the case a few months ago.
Not being on Twitter was bizarre and challenging but not as excruciating as I’d built it up to be.
The elation I’m feeling is exactly the same flavor as when I realized I was finally a non-smoker. Or when I’d gone my first month without sugar (nine years ago, almost exactly) and knew I wasn’t going back.
Retreeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaat! Retreat.
Being on retreat was amazing.
Spending serious hours studying with the remarkable Paul Grilley (who is wise and patient and wonderful) … mindblowingly great.
Doing hours of yoga everyday … exactly what I needed.
Hanging out with Pace and Kyeli and their son and their cats … a treat.
Can’t wait to retreat again. I’m hoping soon.
Ez lives here! And I’m still talking about it!
It’s been a month since my kid brother moved in. And I could not be happier about it.
Having him around is so perfect. If only for the spit takes.
Also, this week we invented a new style of kung fu inspired by Bob Hope. That’s how much fun we have.
That’s it for me …
And yes yes yes, of course you can join in my Friday ritual right here in the comments bit if you feel like it.
Yeah? Anything hard and/or good happen in your week?
And, as always, have a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious weekend. And a happy week to come.
A tiny but important business lesson
So I know I left us all hanging on Monday with a cliffhanger … and that a bunch of you at least six of you can’t wait to find out what happens next with the bizarre and awkward conversation between my fear, my stuck and myself.
And yet I must dangle that mildly tantalizing promise of continuation and closure in front of you for a tiny bit longer, because a weird and funny thing happened to me this weekend and I feel compelled to tell you about it.
Sunday night. 7:00 p.m.
You don’t really need any background for this story, other than the fact that I was on retreat for four days doing various yoga-related things in Austin.
It was Sunday night. I’d just come out of a six hour class. Four hours of lecture, two hours of yoga practice.
I was tired and achy. And woozy from a combination of serious information overload, meditative bliss, and not having eaten since an early breakfast.
The cab company had told me to expect about a thirty minute wait, so I took care of the food thing and the calling my gentleman friend thing … still no cab.
After forty-five minutes I called the company back. What follows is our conversation, which — while brief — is at least as fascinating as the one I had talking to a wall last week.
Listen to this.
Oh, also listen to it with the fabulous Texas drawl because it’s even better that way. On his end, not mine. Since I can’t do it.
Me: Hi! I called forty five minutes ago? I’m at _______ and ________. Still waiting on that so I thought I’d check.
The guy: Ma’am? It’s the Superbowl, ma’am. We don’t have any cabs, ma’am.
Me (in my head): ?!
The guy: Ma’am?
Me: (out loud): So … no one’s coming?
The guy: Well … it’s the Superbowl, ma’am.
Me: So … I should do something else instead of waiting here?
The guy: Yes, ma’am. That’s what I’d suggest.
That was it.
Well, then there was some hysterical laughter on my end. And then I called Pace and Kyeli and they picked me up, which was lovely of them.
I don’t really even need to pull out a lesson from this. You can pretty much choose your own.
But I will say that (as a general rule) I love interacting with entrepreneurs because you know, I am one.
I tend to identify with them way more than I should. And I’m considerably more forgiving of screw-ups. Since, you know, they happen.
This particular interaction, though … I’m still not even sure what to take from this. I mean … there’s so much in here.
Like:
- Obviously one should never go to Texas during football season. Clearly that was a horrible mistake.
- The good old “if you’ve promised something you can’t deliver, notify the person the second you realize it’s not going to happen” lesson. Which I’ve already learned. The
annoyinghard way. By making that mistake and regretting it. - Apologizing sincerely and sometimes profusely will always get you somewhere. Sigh. I know that one far too well too.
- And of course, never go up against a Sicilian when death is on the line.
Knowing what your options are and not liking them is still better than not knowing.
That and not underestimating the power of a teeny tiny little admission of suckiness … always a good thing.
The littlest “Wow, our mistake really messed things up for you … that’s got to be frustrating.”
It definitely would have made my experience slightly less surreal.
That is all.
See you guys tomorrow.
Item! I am the epitome of brevity!
A somewhat goofy mini-collection of stuff I’ve been reading, stuff I’ve been thinking about and oh, some completely random crap.
Basically the stuff that never gets mentioned here because I’m not the kind of person who can just make some teeny little point. Not into the whole brevity thing, as the Dude would say.
Actually, I’m under the strict compulsion to write ten pages about anything on my mind. So this is me. Practicing brevity.
Even more brevity than usual … thanks to carpal tunnel.
Which I should be bitching about but am actually kind of loving because it allows me to outsource absolutely everything that’s not writing.
Pain. It really is that much more effective than Michael Gerber.
Item! Post No. 10 in the series that gives me something to do with all those windows I have open in Firefox.
Item! I am not the only person who has long, frustrating and sometimes amusing conversations with my body!
This is a terrific post from our very own Wormy about the answers you get when you try and listen to your body.
I read it three times. It rocks.
Very provocative. It will get you thinking about all sorts of useful and interesting things.
Also … typing out loud here … I may put together a collection of posts by people other than me who are also doing this whole “conversation with a part of myself”. Because I’m amazed by how many people are just doing it. In a powerful and non-cheesy way.
And having results like crazy.
So mention yours here if you like!
Item! Seth Godin is still my favorite thinker of thoughts!
Most biggified internet-ey people are not really all they’re cracked up to be, if you ask me.
Seth is, though.
He is that good. He is that smart. Everything he writes is worth reading. Carefully, thoughtfully and attentively.
Because it’s useful.
This post — love and annoying — is an especially important one.
Item! Thank you for saying this!!
I adore Amy Hoy for all sorts of reasons, but I especially loved this tiny piece of wonderfulness on Twitter (which I’m censoring because I suck):
“you entice me with “womens business network” (ok, i’ll bite) & then the post i see on your site is about weight loss? 2 words: @&#% you.”
Thank you.
Thank you. I have so much to say about this that I kind of need it to be the subject of a five-post-rant, but like I said, my hands hurt.
Here’s the short version.
At least a few times a week I get annoyed by something that’s supposedly for women in business (go away, Pink magazine) that’s really about buying shoes or looking hot.
Ew ew ew ew ew ew ew. Ew.
That is all. I love Amy.
Item! Sometimes other people explain your thing better than you!
Sari’s brilliant Shiva Nata post explains terrifically well the thing I’ve been trying to explain to the world for the past four years.
Or five. Whatever.
I talk a lot about the wacky yoga brain training work that I do. About how it has helped me as a consultant because of how quickly I can understand how systems work and find the connections between everything. About how I used it to learn German.
About how everything that appears to be some kind of innate talent of mine is actually something I acquired through this incredibly bizarre practice.
But Sari actually explains it. It’s fascinating. Read please!
Item! It’s still all about finding your Right People!
Obviously in business this is true. It’s also true in relationships, in creative ventures, in partnerships and in love.
Anyway, Steve Spalding wrote a lovely post about your Right People and the value of figuring out who they are.
Very useful.
Item! This is the funniest thing I’ve read all year that wasn’t written by Jenny!
“Making matters worse, Dewley was laid off from work late last week after mistakenly wrestling his boss’s wife, a dignified woman in a large peacock-feather hat, to the ground.”
And it just gets better. Man Gets Into Mess Usually Reserved For Stars Of Silent Film Era. Oh yes.
That is all.
Enough for now.
Selma and I will rest up and be back to our usual tricks tomorrow.
*blows kisses*
Conversations with blocks, Part 1
So yeah, I’ve been doing my share of talking to walls lately.
And conversing with blocks. And having long, complicated discussions with old, forgotten fears.
To the point that part of me is starting to miss the good old days when my meditations pretty much consisted of sitting and breathing.
Because man … all this talking and interacting is intense.
Between a block and a hard place.
So I’m in meditation.
I ask a question.
What is keeping me from the thing I’m trying to achieve?
And then I have to laugh because obviously the only correct answer is “Hello, that would be you.”
So it’s me.
Fine. Of course it is. But come on … give me more than that. How am I stopping myself? Where am I slowing myself down?
A couple of images came at once. Anchors. Heavy anchors designed to keep me from drifting away.
Big blocky cement boulders set on wing-like things that trail out behind me.
And then little fluttery wings at my sides that are clipped. Clipped wings. Not with the feathers cut like they do to birds, but literally with a clip on them. Wings that are temporarily disabled.
In which I make contact with the stuck and we begin an awkward dialogue.
Me: Hey! Question. Are these blocks ones that I have placed here?
Answer: Obviously.
Me: But why?
Answer: To slow you down.
Me: From what?
Answer: You know.
Me: Uh … okay … leaving that aside for a minute. Let’s say I do know. What’s wrong with getting there as fast as possible?
Answer: Oh no! That would be scary. Total shock to the system. The speed! No. Absolutely not.
Me: Okay, so this is the safety thing again. I get it. I mean, I recognize that you are trying to protect me and keep me from potential harm.
Answer: Way to sound appreciative.
And then there was a long pause because I had to stop and think about that. Actually, I was feeling annoyed that my internal answers were sounding so creepily like my mother.
In which we come to an understanding of sorts.
Me: It’s hard for me to be appreciative.
Answer: And …?
Me: Right now I’m feeling pretty upset when I think about how I have deliberately sabotaged my own progress. I need to know that I’m taking care of myself in a way that isn’t so painful.
Answer: What are you talking about? What is painful?
Me: This slowed-down movement …
Answer: So what?
And another pause. I remind myself that this is not my mother.
Me: I have this direction, right? We both know that I’m headed somewhere and we agree that getting there is a good thing. We just disagree about the speed.
You’re intentionally slowing me down (apparently at my own request) so that I will feel safe and protected. So that I won’t be overwhelmed. And I am willing to appreciate that.
At the same time, I can see something that you can’t. Which is that I’m headed there anyway.
And the resistance between my motion and your holding me back is causing me pain. It’s tearing off bits of my wings.
Answer: What are you suggesting?
And then an agreement, but with conditions.
Me: We need a new system.
Answer: We have a system.
Me: A new version of that system. New and improved! Better. Functions at a higher level. Stuff like that.
Answer: I’m listening.
Me: We’ll need something both internal and external.
Like … oh, I don’t know. What if I had a really amazing internal GPS device? What if I had homing pigeons to send out and get information? What if I had guides who were leading me there in the safest way possible?
Answer: These blocks and boulders and anchors are really hurting you, aren’t they?
Me: Yes.
Answer: I need reassurance.
Me: How can I reassure you?
Answer: I need you to talk to your fear.
Me: Oh crap. I was afraid of that.
Answer: Hahahahaha. That’s hilarious. Though you know, fear of fear — for all that it’s a self-perpetuating nightmare — is really not a very effective way of interacting with the world.
Me: Whoah. Now you don’t sound at all like anyone I’m related to.
Answer: Are you going to talk to your fear? I’ll come with you…
Me: Aaaaaargh. Okay. Fine. Let’s do this thing.
To Be Continued ….
Friday Check-in #26: Abridged edition
Because it’s Friday AGAIN. And because traditions are important. In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
So it’s Friday morning and my duck and I are in Austin right now, probably drinking tea with Pace & Kyeli or at my yoga retreat thing.
But actually not because it’s really only Thursday.
Man, I love pre-posting.
And if that weren’t enough … it’s a mini-chicken because I’m retreating…
But yeah, Friday. It’s tradition. Here we go.
The hard stuff
Busy mouse.
This week was kind of crazed. Traveling. The Kitchen Table. Teaching. Stuff.
I am so so so ready for this yoga retreat thing, you have no idea.
The Kitchen Table.
It is big and it is beautiful and it is a new space to navigate.
I’m tired and overwhelmed like everyone else … and at the same time I’m feeling really joyful about this space and all the amazing things happening in it.
I think the birthing analogy still holds. I am going to need some rest and recovery from the work of creating this place, and also some time to be with it and LOVE IT UP.
But right now I think I’m dealing with birthing pains and post-partum madness.
HSP moments.
So I’m totally a Highly Sensitive Person, as we all know.
But sometimes it makes it really hard to concentrate. I found myself slipping a lot this week while teaching, which is especially annoying.
Double especially because I taught four classes this week.
A little noise. My gentleman friend playing the ukulele. Whatever. I just completely lose my train of thought and get off balance.
And the frustration …. is sooooooo frustrating. I know that was completely redundant and I also know that this is just part of being me, but sometimes I wish that I could just not lose my equilibrium so easily.
Passport photos.
My gentleman friend and I went to get passport photos this week.
And that triggered all kinds of gunk.
I’ve moved countries three times in my life. And I don’t mean traveling. No, I mean packing up and/or disowning your entire life and leaving everything you know.
Three times.
And to me, getting passport photos is the thing that happens right before your entire world falls apart.
Yay, personal associations.
So once I got that sorted, it cleared up a big chunk of dread. But it was still hard.
The good stuff
My beautiful baby. I mean, The Kitchen Table.
Wow.
I feel so much love and affection for every single one of these madcap people who play with me and Selma there. People are having phenomenal breakthroughs, making discoveries, asking good questions.
Getting to be there and observe all of these interactions and shifts and changes … it’s just really powerful and really moving.
Totally worth all the hard parts, because really, it’s just the coolest thing that ever was and I love it so much.
I’m not annoying!
I LOVED this post from Reading Is Sexy where she basically just talks about how great I am.
My favorite line is “She is not annoying.”
I’m so going to make that my new tagline. I’d even trademark it, except for the fact that yeah, that would be annoying. Which would kind of ruin the whole thing.
Still, is that not the sweetest thing ever?
Ez lives here! Still! No, still!
Eventually I’m going to have to stop announcing this each week because I’ll get used to it, but having my brother living with us is just so, so perfect.
I LOVE HIM!
Plus, he makes my gentleman friend laugh. Which is my favorite sound in the entire world.
My gentleman friend.
Is my hero.
This week he pretty much forced me to take care of myself despite all my efforts to keep going.
He took on some of my work. He made me hot water bottles and sent me to bed to nap.
He did acupressure magic on me when I was cranky, and made food when I was hungry and stroked my hair when I was sad.
I don’t think I’ll ever stop being in awe of this whole love thing. It knocks me over.
That’s it for me …
And yes yes yes, of course you can join in my Friday ritual right here in the comments bit if you feel like it.
Yeah? Anything hard and/or good happen in your week?
And, as always, have a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious weekend. And a happy week to come.