What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
peaceful resolutions
the point isn’t getting my wish (though cool things have emerged from wishing), it’s learning about my relationship with wanting, accessing the qualities…
wanting can be hard, it is easy to feel conflicted about it, and the reasons for that make this a surprisingly subversive practice…
this is the 338th consecutive week of wishing, come play!
peaceful resolutions
each friday when I reflect on my week,
both the highlights
(the good, the joyful, the sparks of delight),
and the contrast —
all that which is challenging, frustrating,
revealing of things we do not always wish to see
I always have the same wish:
may all misunderstandings and distortions,
internal and external,
dissolve in love if not in laughter
resolution here in the sense of easing
perfect simple elegant solutions
which breathe ease and relief into the situation
delivering comfort and reassurance to everyone involved
that’s what I want
I would like peaceful resolutions to any number of
misunderstandings, conflicts, disagreements, tangles,
assumptions and jumped-conclusions
going on in my life right now
of which there seem to be mysteriously many
at the moment
I would like the superpower of SOLVED!
as well as the superpowers of
- oh of course this worked out beautifully
- clarity and lightness
- yes this is and was treasure, thank you for this experience
- I am now better at taking up space
- it is now easier for me to both ask for and establish clear expectations and boundaries in all situations
- I sit in my own swing!
- I trust that all is well, all is and was and will be well
what are other meanings of [peaceful resolutions]
well, of course, there are wishes-intentions for the new year
I never make new year’s resolutions
or at least I never call them that
because, for me, resolution implies
either [I will do Thing X, in time Y, in order to achieve goal Z]
or [I will stop doing X, for duration Y, in service of goal Z]
and there are more than a couple of problems with this, of course
although… (here comes the aside)
of course bear in mind as always
the useful life principle of [People Vary!]
with its sweet healing grace and built-in permission,
so if resolutions work for you and bring you joy,
or you have a different understanding of what they are,
that is lovely
may you resolve your resolutions in good health
and receive exactly what you need from that practice
anything I say in this space is — always —
a reflection of what is true for me in this moment
I share my answers not because they are yours (they probably aren’t)
but because I want to share the experience of
embarking on grand adventures to explore internal territories
so we can all do that, both together and on our own,
while glowing curiosity, love and presence
okay, back to my take on resolutions, with an example!
I am over-the-top obsessed with dance
so it would have been very easy for me to make
a January resolution last year in the form of some sort of promise
“I will dance every day” or I will do X type of trainings
or practice Y amount of time
imagine how intensely disappointed and frustrated I would have been
to discover 2015 had different plans for me:
a slow-healing knee injury, followed by five months on the road
in a nine foot camper, followed by intense chronic pain
there is no way I would have been able to hold myself
to a commitment like that
and the truth is, that kind of commitment can be, in a way,
kind of disrespectful to presence
it doesn’t honor the in-the-moment experience of
my body and my energy
it doesn’t make space for possible new desires and passions
to emerge as I get to know incoming me,
this is the ever-changing dynamic essence of life and aliveness
big powerful stuff
I don’t want to get in the way of that with promises
here’s something rarely acknowledged
not having the same goals/desires as we used to
is — or, at least, can often be —
a good thing
it’s a sign that we aren’t living in stagnation, rejoice:
we are growing and moving because we are alive and free!
(and yes things can get scary when the old desires disappear
before the new ones have revealed themselves)
(many breaths for this)
so even though our rigged-game culture really piles on the pressure to
Stick To It / Get It Done / Cross The Finish Line etc
that’s not always necessarily in service
of our true needs and desires
remembering
we want to remember that it serves the rigged game
for us to go through these yearly motivational rituals
and set ourselves up for perceived “failure” later on when [life does life]
and we are asked to change course
it’s a set-up!
we’re set up to feel bad about ourselves when life happens
this doesn’t help us take care of ourselves
but it does preserve the status quo equilibrium of
Dissatisfied Striving,
with everyone constantly feeling guilty and less-than
it’s seriously no fun feeling bad about yourself
also an enormous waste of time and internal resources
so if I make resolutions that say I will do something
this supports the problematic mentality of “I will be happy when”
instead of recognizing that I am enough now,
and, again, I can’t know the future,
so I can’t know if I will be able to do X,
or if X will remain the true desire of incoming me
I can’t stay true to presence and my YES in the moment
if I declare what and how and who future me will be
so what can I do instead?
without setting myself up for perceived “failure”
and still setting a trajectory into motion for incoming me
what I do instead of resolving…
instead of [I will do X] or [I will not do X]
I name the qualities I want to get to know better
and invite them to play
naming and welcoming
my wishes and intentions
inventing games
playing with incoming me and
sending her (real or imaginary) postcards
setting off on a trajectory of intention and discovery
through deep listening and asking over and over again
what do I want
here is my compass for the incoming year
North: TRUST
Northeast: RELAX
East: SHINE
Southeast: EXPAND
South: ANCHOR
Southwest: TREASURE
West: GLOW
Northwest: WILD
what I want is on the calendar
no, I mean, it’s literally on the calendar
January is Freedom, February Sanctuary
March is Lusciousness and April Roots
Wild May leads to Wonder in June
July Harmony and August Muse
September for Intention, October is Center
November for Echoing, December filled with Light
I can almost taste these words
and their echoing combinations and incantations:
FREEDOM SANCTUARY LUSCIOUSNESS ROOTS
WILD WONDER HARMONY MUSE
INTENTION CENTER ECHOING LIGHT
there is a hard-to-describe power in naming the months like this
seeing each day on your calendar,
what you called in for yourself
wishes
each new year’s eve I write wishes
for the new year
about things I want to embody
seeding seeds, setting these wish-intentions into motion
and releasing them
to be what they need to be,
in their own form and their own timing,
and to surprise me with future treasure
I set off on a course, a trajectory, a direction
based on what feels yes now
but with full permission for the adventure to be the adventure,
for the course to change to meet what I need and desire
por ejemplo….a wish from a year ago:
“I learn to feel wonderfully confident in my dancing”
guess what? all that not-dancing time
delivered useful information for dancer-me
about Grounding, Presence, Equilibrium, Self-Treasuring
and so on
and these qualities, as I got to know them,
found their way into my body and my dance
last night I was at waltz fusion feeling
WONDERFULLY CONFIDENT in my dancing,
and I was like whoa hey I got my wish, sweet!
I learned how to do it
just not in the way
me-of-a-year-ago might have imagined
zero disappointment
with my beautiful wish-intention
that was not a resolution
but which resolved so many things for me
this is what I want to remember when I say peaceful resolutions
my wish happened for me
and also, it happened in its own beautiful time
you might even say, it resolved itself
so in that sense
not making a resolution was a form of resolution
and setting a trajectory of qualities
ensured that I didn’t
perceive in any way that I had “failed” to follow through
this is what I want
this deep self-treasuring
setting things up for enhanced joy,
not for self-recrimination
but what about when there are goals that feel fun?
I am all for fun
for example I do have a dance training objective this year
which I turned into a game
I pretend I’m on a reality show called Montage
though of course it has a built-in clause that I can
vote myself off the island when I’m ready for the mission to change
and yes, there’s a prize for that
and also I have defined training
as anything that helps me be more embodied,
more connected to myself and my body
which allows for quiet rest days that are part of my training too
the point is,
play and presence, presence and play
this is how I do
What else is resolution?
resolution is also CLARITY, zooming in, high res, enhance-enhance!
and resolution is also RESOLVE, like having resolve
a quiet strength and fortitude
come in, come in, all the superpowers of that
haha I just thought of this
resolving like re-solving — solving something again!
and maybe resolution is just
renewing my commitment to being present and passionate
I like this
oh and also like U.N. Resolutions, which are basically like,
“here is something we feel strongly about!”
making a statement
I can do that
what do I know about my wish this week
it is about presence and embodiment
being very aware of what I want
and the words I use to describe my process
it is about being playful and easygoing with life
and leaving room for wonder and for unexpected treasure
and: letting things having more than one meaning
being curious about that
receptive, as always, to being marvelously surprised
now
popcorn with ghost pepper salt
and sitting with the breathtaking 2016 calendar
looking at all the doors
in this year of seeds and doors
superpower of receptive to all incoming good surprises.
december on the 2015 fluent self calendar is TREASURE MORE, with the superpower of receptive to all incoming good surprises
receptivity
is the word of the week
and self-treasuring is the treasure
and also the map
thank you, past-me, for putting this
on the calendar
and for the Year of More
which was exactly what I needed
last week’s wishes
I wished a wish about trust in the wild winds…
and had a peaceful week
I let other people be in their stuff
I trusted
I looked for miracles and found them
invitation: come play with me…
you are invited to share many !!!!!! about what is here,
or share anything sparked for you while reading
deposit wishes, gwishes, superpowers, qualities, ingredients, intel, possibly in code
safe space for creative exploration asks us to let go of care-taking and advice-giving
wishes are never late because whenever you wish is the right time for wishing
here’s how we meet each other’s wishes: oh, wow what beautiful wishes
♡
festive wondrous chicken to you!
Hello, Friday: we are here.
{a breath for being here when we get here}
Thank you, week!
This is the 387th week in a row we are chickening here together….
What worked this week?
Asking what worked.
Each day before bed I made a little list of “today I learned” or “good surprises”, which helped me realize that actually a lot of things are working. And while I may not pause long enough to notice them, they’re happening.
This also helped me notice the beautiful sweet miracles that somehow get lost in the day, even the extremely unlikely ones, like the tailor who was able to fix my torn favorite pants in five minutes, right before the holiday and didn’t charge me. Thank you, treasure. Would you like to read part of the list?
- Clearing up the house while thinking about this as “removing static” from the radio station of my life.
- Having a terrific backstory (wildly untrue and invented in the spur of the moment) that explained my motivation for one of my current projects.
- Asking wise me what to do.
- Doing exactly what she said. Replenishing Glass of Water, Get On The Floor, Eight Steady Breaths. Did the trick and I suddenly knew what my next step was.
- Translating all incoming christmas wishes to mean “I wanted to connect with you and I am thinking about you!”, and saying, “Thank you! Festive wondrous everything to you too!”
Next time I might…
Ask wise me first.
Really, she knows what’s good.
Upcoming biopic if it were based on this week…
Let’s Just Burn It All Down, Metaphorically That Is.
8 breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
- Twenty four consecutive days of rain, record-breaking amounts of rain, to the point that portlanders, aka people who generally like rain, are all starting to lose their minds. I had the advantage of having spent twelve of those days in the sun on operation ruby jewel, so I wasn’t around for the flooding, but yes, the cold and wet are getting old. A breath for warmth.
- So many things this week did not as expected, which wasn’t bad, it actually all turned out beautifully, I am just noticing that even at my most steady and full of trust in All-Is-Well, all the internal and external reconfiguring that are asked for when things go differently than anticipated, well, these can sometimes be energy intensive. A breath for the superpower of graceful adaptability.
- Transitions and in-betweens. Still no idea about what is next. A breath for safe passage and beautiful trust.
- The man who stopped me on the street and cut off my exit, the man standing in the middle of the street holding a giant stick in both hands and appearing unstable and angry, the men at dance whose hands linger too long, all the moments where men feel comfortable doing things that are uncomfortable, and are either mysteriously unaware of the immense discomfort they leave in their wake, or just do not care. Oh, and then I made the mistake of reading online about street harassment, which made things worse and not better. A breath for these not-fun experiences that are part of (my) every day reality as a woman, a breath for the near-constant fury I feel about both this situation and the general lack of acknowledgment that this is the situation, and a breath for change.
- My beautiful tree is gone and I am getting ready to leave my home and everything ends, and it is a lot at once. A breath for safe passage.
- The worst house-guests ever, who, in addition to all the things that put them on the top of that list, also inexplicably went out without their key and then pounded on the door at midnight until I got out of bed. Also, I was not particularly gracious about this, which I felt bad about in the morning. Either way though, I am done with ever having guests again, unless it is someone that I absolutely cherish. A breath for being done.
- Wanting to dismantle everything and not knowing where to start, and having the sense that 70% of my life is static. A breath for using the ground, like in dance, and for trust in right timing.
- Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. Trust-more love-more release-more receive-more. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week.
8 breaths for the good, reassuring, delight-filled.
- The incredible miracle that no one was hurt and no property was damaged when my giant maple tree pitched into the street during the wind storm. All the related miracles. A breath of deep thankfulness.
- Operation MONTAGE (my latest secret op, it’s dance-related but goes far beyond that) is the most transformative project I have ever undertaken, and I am finding it absolutely fascinating to observe what happens as I am in it. A breath for commitment to what I want, combined with warm loving presence and the willingness to change it up as needed.
- Doing my time with the void last week was powerful stuff, and this week I am out of my funk and feeling at ease with my life, even though yes, there is still no plan, and I’m exiting my home in a month. A breath for presence and self-treasuring.
- Speaking of self-treasuring, endless new intel about that, including the realization during X Marks The Spot that there is no need to search for the treasure, because I am the treasure. The only thing I need to do is treasure myself, that’s it. I also noticed that during the street harassment incidents, I felt annoyed but I wasn’t triggered. That’s pretty amazing, and I attribute that to the deep work that’s been happening during this mission of treasuring. A breath for getting to know what it’s like to be someone who knows (and remembers) how to treasure themselves.
- And speaking of epiphanies, week’s dance epiphany, combined with Operation Montage, has set off cascading dominoes of chain-reaction epiphanies. There are so many things my teachers say all the time — roll your feet, use the ground, spot your turns, keep your hand steady — and they all make sense, and sometimes I can apply them and sometimes I can’t, but this week suddenly I GOT IT in an entirely new way. As if my body finally understood on an entirely different level what these things mean. Suddenly all of these things are happening at once, and without effort. A breath of big big joy.
- Feeling positive and glowy about things, with absolutely no reason. A breath for this.
- Treasure in my life in the form of X Marks The Spot, sharing x-mess long-distance with a secret agent in Australia, waltz brunch, getting much better at cha cha and no longer being terrible at hustle, encouraging teachers, my wonderful housemate, the best hot water bottle, my luscious new sweater-coat. A hand-on-heart breath of wonder for the good in my life.
- Thankfulness. Everything is okay and so much is good. Nothing is wrong, even when I want to believe it is. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. Thank you for this grand adventure. A full breath of deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.
Sparklepoints, superpowers, salve, fake band of the week!
Current ops and forward movement!
I received the decision this week to postpone Operation Shed Shed Shed and replace it with The Studio op. Interestingly I have still been shedding (that double meaning will never get old) via Operation Remove Static. Project MONTAGE and the 999 Mission are full speed ahead. Panther Time is good. Have a brand new plan for the Fountaining op. Sweet Honey is still on the back burner, and that feels okay. Thank you, fractal flowers.
I now bestow upon myself a quintillion sparklepoints, like a Fairground Stripper, and you are welcome to do the same for you.
Superpowers I had this week…
Last week I asked for Wildly Glamorous Even In Sweatpants and Striding Towards My Yes, not expecting to get either of them because the former seemed impossible and the latter just scary, but actually both of these landed for me this week. The trick to the first was a combination of waking up with fantastic hair, and the aforementioned luscious new winter cloak. But then it just stuck around all week.
Powers I want.
The power of taking exquisite care of myself, the power of Standing Tall, the power of being (and feeling) powerful, fierce, graceful and beautifully embodied, panther-like. And of course remembering my invisible panther entourage who were instantly around me when the man in the street with the big stick was exhibiting erratic behavior. That feeling of “you really don’t want to mess with me”. I want that.
The Salve of Striding Towards My Yes.
This salve comes just in time for the usual new year’s bullshit that proliferates on the internet, when the finger-wagging “experts” deliver boring statistics about how many people “fail” to fulfill their resolutions, and how you should supposedly avoid being one of those people.
THINK ABOUT IT FOR A SECOND. You of a year from now is an entirely different person than you of right now, it would be completely absurd and unfair to hold that person, that amazing person that you haven’t met yet, to promises made now, and even more so to blame them if they ended up going a different path because their yes was a new yes.
We can’t know what their yes is. We can only know, if we get quiet and really listen, what right-now yes is.
So really there is no greater gift to future you than releasing/absolving any “resolutions” to do certain things and be a certain way, otherwise we’re just setting ourselves up to feel guilty for not following through on something that may not even be relevant anymore to our yes of the moment.
We can seed wishes, intentions, set off in a direction that appeals, but nothing is more important than making it clear to our future selves that of course we support their mission, whatever it might turn out to be.
When we commit, lovingly and warmly, to following the yes trails where they lead, this subverts all the unsovereignty and guilt that generally gets built in to this yearly cultural ritual, and we are able to let incoming-us be free to be who they are and want what they want, in the way that they want it.
If you’re wondering how we do that, when the game is so rigged, and external culture is so loud and so guilt-driven, well, that’s why we have the salve.
When I rub this salve into my skin, I remember to turn inward instead of outward, to hear my yes instead of cultural expectations.
This salve rearranges things at the cellular level. It gets me breathing more steadily. It helps me trust that as long as I am true to my yes, staying present with it in the moment and allowing it to move and change as it wishes, I am doing great.
This is a secret self-treasuring salve and it is made of permission, power, self-knowledge, presence and exquisite streaming colored lights.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
This week’s band is:
Write A Resistance
Their latest album is After The Juice, and actually this band is just one guy.
ANNOUNCEMENT!
The gorgeous and extremely magical 2016 calendars are ready — The Year Of Doors! — and I believe there are a few left. You can find yours here. The password: sweetdoors
How was your week?
Come play in the comments. Share something from your week, take a breath, or just say hi! No rules, my format doesn’t have to be yours, we’ve been doing this every week for years now and there still isn’t a right way.
Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We lovingly refrain from giving advice.
And of course it’s always okay to comment under a made-up name, whether for play and delight, or in the interest of Safety First.
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — jump in whenever you like. Blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers too!
trust in the wild winds
the point isn’t getting my wish (though cool things have emerged from wishing), it’s learning about my relationship with wanting, accessing the qualities…
wanting can be hard, it is easy to feel conflicted about it, and the reasons for that make this a surprisingly subversive practice…
this is the 337th consecutive week of wishing, come play!
during the wild winds
monday morning during the wild winds
my beloved giant maple tree (one hundred and four years old)
uprooted and pitched into the street
lifting up three squares of concrete sidewalk with it,
its top branches landing — miraculously,
in the crook of a tree across the street,
its tons of weight precariously balanced
a tilting bridge
the usual pathways
standing aghast at the upstairs windows
I watched the neighbors flooding into the street and I watched
the way my body-mind took the most
familiar route through shock and loss, both in thoughts and sensation:
(1) agonizing pain in heart: who is dead?
(2) audible gasp-breath, exhale: oh thank god no one is dead, other than the tree
(3) prickling solar plexus panic in recognition of what could have happened, the many possible tragedies that weren’t, and how close they were
(4) lurching, unsteady: this will cost so much money
(5) chill of fear, top of spine: what if the other tree can’t hold long enough?
and then, slowly, remembering truth
truth tells me that in this moment I am okay
even when I think all is lost
even when my stunningly beautiful tree friend is dead
truth says: look at all the miracles
that is something, isn’t it
look at all the miracles
look at all the miracles
when I lost my center a few years ago
(double meaning: I lost my beautiful retreat center, the second one,
and also I lost my sense of center)
like in dance when you try something and it doesn’t work
and your teacher says, you lost your center there
you feel the truth of it, the momentary wobbliness,
eroding your training in how to use the ground
you forget how to move from your core with fierce intention
anyway, I lost my center, among other things,
and the pain of this loss
(grief-sorrow-shame-remorse-emptiness)
well, it was intense
during one of those hard days I was talking to Incoming Me
and I was wheel-grinding so hard
— why is this happening? why is this happening to me? what do I do? —
and she stopped me abruptly
wisdom from incoming me
“Listen, my love. Listen carefully. I know you aren’t ready to hear anything positive about this loss, and that’s fine; loss is loss, it is unbearably painful and that just is. You get to grieve as long and as hard as you need to.
“Understand this though. From now on, for the rest of your life, you only get miracles. So if something happens and it doesn’t look like a miracle, either look harder or trust deeper. You can investigate until the miracle becomes apparent, or just assume miracle. Whichever is easier in the moment. But know this: ONLY MIRACLES.”
miracles
without in any way negating or dismissing the
very real heartache of losing
this dear-to-me tree …
let us name the miracles, or some of the miracles,
since we can’t possibly know about all of them
- no one is dead!
- there was no damage to people or property other than sidewalk
- it didn’t fall in the other direction taking out half of our house
- the tree across the way gracefully catching it: wow
- my wonderful housemate, who has parked next to that tree every day for the past seven years, mysteriously parked a few houses away, if he’d chosen his usual spot, his (new!) car would have been obliterated
- a police officer arrived in less than five minutes (I know, right?!) and taped off the street so no one would drive beneath the tree and be crushed
- I have a friend who is an actual arborist who takes on dangerous tree-related missions every day, and was able to give wise comforting counsel
plenty
the arborist has a watch that says
PLENTY OF TIME
what time is it?
there’s plenty of time!
I don’t wear a watch but if I did, I would wear this one
no urgency, enough of what I need,
miracles are more plentiful than I think
and remembering this is its own miracle
treasure
the city sent people to cut down the tree
it took hours
then they left its body in the street, limbs splayed,
alone in the rain and cold and dark,
yellow police tape — “DO NOT CROSS” — marking its edges,
the wind finally at rest
I stood in the rain and touched the tree for a long time
treasuring it
crying a little
under the solstice moon
the tree is treasure and
treasuring the tree is treasure
sapphire
I went to the sapphire hotel (not a hotel)
and sat at the bar
sapphire for treasure and treasuring
ordering a drink called the lounge singer
because it had Zwack
which has a marvelous story,
and because I needed to be someone else
to access a part of me who can translate loss into song
and lounge singer felt right
it was a hungarian-norwegian solstice
between the Zwack and my friend the norwegian maple
sprawled on the street in front of my house
the insurance company says Act Of God
but I think the tree wanted out
(as impossible as that probably sounds)
I think it chose this timing
the dramatic solstice exit
this demonstration of the abundance of miracles
this big goodbye
no quiet-slipping-away the way I do
light
solstice is for turning towards light:
hey light, we see you, we know you are coming, trust
solstice is also for being okay with darkness,
dark things, dark times, the void, the narrow places
loss and perceptions of loss
december is TREASURE MORE in the fluent self calendar for 2015,
and LIGHT in 2016
I placed the pages next to each other on my wall
so they shared the message of
TREASURE MORE LIGHT
now I know my wish
that is my wish
to be someone who treasures light
and I am pretty sure someone who treasures (their own) light
is also someone who is strong enough to handle the void
and all the dark moments
what is inside my wish?
- seeing the miracles
- looking for the miracles when I can’t see them
- trusting that the miracles will be apparent later, as they usually are, so it’s okay if I can’t find them or name them yet
- trust in the wild winds, double meaning: I want to have trust while the wild winds are upon us, and also I want to trust in the wild winds themselves, that they are knocking down what is old and done, clearing out for what is next
- saying thank you when things do not seem to be miracles because they are endings and sad
- saying thank you for what was, for example thanking the year that was instead of glaring at it as it exits, thanking it both for its treasure and its exit
- remembering that there is plenty, plenty of time for me, plenty of things to treasure, plenty of tree-friends for me in this world
- treasuring the treasuring, because treasuring is healing, it is more than healing, it is downright REVOLUTIONARY
- this is also the week of X Marks The Spot, which is about mapping treasure, so I would like to do that
funny story
my proxy and cover story this week is that I am
writing a biography of Vanna White
(while living in a white van!)
and learning about being wildly glamorous
while living small
and Vanna White reveals treasure by giving clues
also, while researching the biography that I’m
not actually writing,
I learned that she tries to telepathically share
the correct letters during the bonus round
is that not beautiful
I treasure her treasuring of letters and their quiet magic
I wish
I wish to be/become an expert in treasure and treasuring,
treasuring myself, my body, my breath,
the miracles (both apparent and invisible),
the doors I cannot see yet,
the beautiful exits, dramatic or not,
the new places that ask me to enter
as I prepare to exit this year and the beautiful home that I have shared
for seven years with
the huge beautiful tree and my steady loyal housemate,
and as I ready myself to enter whatever is next
(as yet unknown)
I want this superpower of TREASURE MORE
more treasure and treasuring more
treasuring light more
glowing light into the hidden places
revealing gems
touching trees
smiling at the doors that open and at the doors that close
with trust in the wild winds
what do I know about my wish this week
it is the right wish to be wishing right now
and there is plenty of time
just like on the watch
for all the other wishes to have a home too
now
I am noticing so many other wishes popping up and saying
“notice me!”
like my wish for a gorgeous warm sweater
in a rich color
turtleneck or cowl-neck
to replace the sweater I found at a used clothing store
in Berlin many, many, many years ago
(recommendations are welcome)
or my wish for just-right dance practice space
so I am invoking the superpower of fractal flowers
somehow this wish about treasuring
will work its magic for all the clamoring and as-yet-unnamed wishes
I am learning their names and drinking ginger tea,
which is hitting the spot
oh!
what if Hits The Spot is part of the treasure map too
a parallel to X Marks The Spot
maybe we find the treasure through doing things that elicit pleasure
mmmmm I would like to choose more things that are as yes as this tea
saying YES YES YES this hits the spot
superpower of receptive to all incoming good surprises.
december on the 2015 fluent self calendar is TREASURE MORE, with the superpower of receptive to all incoming good surprises
on the cusp from TREASURE into FREEDOM
glowing light
treasuring what is
I am receptive to all incoming good surprises
and everything that comes from [here, now]
and from saying yes to doors
and to sweetness
thank you, past-me, for putting this
on the calendar
last week’s wishes
I wished a wish about here, now…
it was a sweet wish about presence through truth, light, glowing
this week I was able to be surprisingly present with my BIG FEAR
and with the tree and its exit
with my yes and my not-yes
and notice all the places I have made unsovereign choices or not-choices
or just plain screwed up
and apologize
and remember that there are miracles in this
invitation: come play with me…
you are invited to share many !!!!!! about what is here,
or share anything sparked for you while reading
deposit wishes, gwishes, superpowers, qualities, ingredients, intel, possibly in code
safe space for creative exploration asks us to let go of care-taking and advice-giving
wishes are never late because whenever you wish is the right time for wishing
here’s how we meet each other’s wishes: oh, wow what beautiful wishes
♡
chic czech chicken checks in, off, out!
Hello, Friday: we are here.
{a breath for being here when we get here}
Thank you, week!
This is the 386th week in a row we are chickening here together….
What worked this week?
Landing time.
I knew the return from operation ruby jewel would be a tough/interesting transition, and wisely didn’t schedule much of anything, outside of one meeting and one dance lesson.
Kept the focus to staying inward, in all senses, on the couch by the fire with candles, doing as little as possible. I mean, within the confines of Life Stuff and How Is There Always More Work and Oh Right The Game Is Rigged, but to the extent that I could do less and not-respond, that’s what I did, and it helped.
The Fluent Self calendar.
Each time I got tangled up in my stuff this week (and this happened a lot), I’d pause by the calendar on wall and breathe, taking in the reminder to TREASURE MORE, brushing my fingertip across the superpower of Receptive To Incoming Good Surprises.
And then things were better.
I can already feel the wild magic of the incoming Year of Doors, and have been sitting with next year’s calendar touching the pages and listening to the different doors and admiring the beautiful portals waiting for me.
Next time I might…
Not push.
Easier said than done, and yet maybe if I keep saying it, the wisdom of this will sink in when I’m ready to receive it.
Upcoming biopic if it were based on this week…
The Hibernating Wanderer Who Wants To Be A Wandering Hibernator.
8 breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
- Oh it is dark and cold with freezing rain and bitter wind, and this is not for me. I do not want to winter here. I want out. A breath for warmth and comfort that is also a seed for a new way to do this season.
- I miss the sea and I miss dancing and I miss being actively on a mission. Of course I am still investigating the mysteries and intel revealed on operation Ruby Jewel, but I miss that feeling of being immersed in a project. A breath for me.
- Agreed to something I shouldn’t have agreed to, because I did not fully understand what was involved, and wound up in a WUSIT situation (WUSIT = What Unsovereign Shit Is This). A breath for wearing my crown, for clarity and untangling.
- THE VOID. As Rumi says, “This being human is a guest house / Every morning a new arrival / A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor / Welcome and entertain them all!” My guest this week was the void, and there is nothing to do with the void but sit with it and make two cups of tea, one for it and one for you, and wait and listen and Not Push. I didn’t want the void. I wanted pleasure and dance and anticipation and giddiness and other things that were not the void. But the void was the guest, and I had to wait it out and welcome what was. A breath for slowly getting better at remembering: I am not the void, I am having an interaction with the void, and the void will give me what I need when I don’t try to shut it out.
- I have a conundrum and do not know how to solve it. Nearly all the things I thought were yes for me are actually no, but the new yeses have not yet arrived, so it requires enormous trust to say no to things that sort-of fit, without knowing what will be. A breath for trusting.
- A long-time ritual ended this week, and it was the right time, and everything ends, and I am okay, and also I am wondering what things will be like on the other side, and what my new ritual will be and if I will be able to sustain it without going to the usual place for it. A breath for safe passage.
- Questions about home and place and what/where is the right one for me to be. A breath for perfect simple solutions revealing themselves in right timing.
- Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. Trust-more love-more release-more receive-more. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week.
8 breaths for the good, reassuring, delight-filled.
- Having a knowledgeable person take a look at my complicated overwhelming project and declare it to be “delightfully doable” in her eyes, that was very reassuring. A breath for beautiful perspective.
- Still in awe of all the treasure from operation Ruby Jewel, and everything I learned. A breath for wonder, and for being a grand adventuress.
- Dance epiphany! Something all my teachers have been trying to explain to me for a year finally landed this morning in my body and I got it. A breath of DELIGHT.
- The three things I was most worried about before my trip now do not worry me even slightly, so I am holding this in my heart and trusting that the current worries will go through the same process. A breath for remembering this.
- Through a combination of miracles and extreme determination, managed to pull off a wildly unlikely caper and hit a hilarious goal I didn’t think could be reached before [arbitrary external deadline], and won an equally arbitary prize. And all of this was FUN, and I learned that I find it enormously invigorating to pull this off . A breath for nailing it, and for all this good intel about what motivates me.
- Woke up with an understanding that there is a less complicated way of doing the thing I want and not doing the things I don’t want. This is good. A breath for the superpower of With The Greatest Of Ease.
- Treasure in my life in the form of steamed milk, the right bus, warm spicy food, friends who know what to say, piles of blankets, knowing all timing is right timing. A hand-on-heart breath of wonder for the good in my life.
- Thankfulness. Everything is okay and so much is good. Nothing is wrong, even when I want to believe it is. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. Thank you for this grand adventure. A full breath of deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.
Sparklepoints, superpowers, salve, fake band of the week!
Current ops and forward movement!
I took some steps on Operation Shed Shed Shed this week and learned that only part of it is what I want, so now taking some time to regroup. Operation Ruby Jewel led me to the 999 Mission, which is the best thing I have ever come up with. Panther Time is helping. Chocolate is being Melted. Next steps in motion for the Fountaining op. Sweet Honey is on the back burner. Thank you, fractal flowers.
I now bestow upon myself a quintillion sparklepoints, like a Fairground Stripper, and you are welcome to do the same for you.
Superpowers I had this week…
Last week I asked for Treasure Breath, and I have ben playing with this. I also had the marvelous superpowers — just in time, too! — of There Has To Be A Better Way, and Suddenly With The Greatest Of Ease, and I want more of those. Oh, and the power of checking things off the list, see the title of this week’s chicken.
Powers I want.
The power of Wildly Glamorous Even In Sweatpants and Striding Towards My Yes.
The Salve of Everything With The Greatest Of Ease.
Of course the Greatest of Ease is also the Greatest of Es, so all the good E-words live inside of this salve:
Entry, Expansiveness, Emerging, Echoing, Embarking, Endeavors, Excitement, Effervescence…
When this salve touches my skin, it is easier for me to do things like treasure myself and trust in right timing and meet the moment that is instead of the moment I think should be.
This is a softening salve and a quieting salve, and it awakens an entirely different kind of trust than anything you’ve known before. This is the salve that allows you to welcome things, Rumi-style, and also to let them go.
When I do things With The Greatest Of Ease, I stop pushing and go take a Very Intentional Nap, very clear that doing this is seeding ease, and that I will wake up and know something I didn’t know before.
My favorite thing about this salve is the soft sigh that happens when I’m wearing it. One of the dance teachers I studied with on ruby jewel said about practicing chaine turns, “you don’t need so much energy, do it with a small exhale, as if you’re throwing a frisbee a very short distance”. This salve elicits that kind of lightness: oh right, I don’t need to work so hard, I can just to let this happen instead of trying to make it happen….
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
This week’s band is:
Henchmen Abound
Their latest album is Commence The Montage, and actually this band is just one guy.
ANNOUNCEMENT!
The gorgeous and extremely magical 2016 calendars are ready — The Year Of Doors! — and I believe there are not too many left. You can find yours here. The password: sweetdoors
How was your week?
Come play in the comments. Share something from your week, take a breath, or just say hi! No rules, my format doesn’t have to be yours, we’ve been doing this every week for years now and there still isn’t a right way.
Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We lovingly refrain from giving advice.
And of course it’s always okay to comment under a made-up name, whether for play and delight, or in the interest of Safety First.
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — jump in whenever you like. Blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers too!
here, now
the point isn’t getting my wish (though cool things have emerged from wishing), it’s learning about my relationship with wanting, accessing the qualities…
wanting can be hard, it is easy to feel conflicted about it, and the reasons for that make this a surprisingly subversive practice…
this is the 336th consecutive week of wishing, come play!
here, now
I have just returned from twelve delicious days of
sun, sea, and sleeping in,
exploring the southern reaches
primarily through napping
deep internal exploration into sweet blissful quiet
and [here, now] everything is cold, dark and rainy
an odd sensation
wanting two things at once
this rushing pulsing urgency to act
aching desire to break down fences
bound over anything in my way
in order to take off for points south
not slowing until the sun warms me again
and my panther body feels the invitation to slow
to a graceful prowl
and, also, yes, the equally powerful pull
to hibernate and hide in bed
for as long as it takes until
spring comes
and the scent returns
what does this need?
as always
as in all things
ACKNOWLEDGMENT & LEGITIMACY
because this the basis for self-fluency and
also the door:
it’s how we find our way back
to compassion, presence, love, all the good stuff
I call on my wise wild selves to whisper truth
to channel the compassion I could glow so easily
for a friend going through this
and forget to offer myself:
of course this makes sense
of course this is an understandable valid reaction
to the combination of the elements at play
[cold] + [transition] + [endings] + [season]
not to mention all the very extenuating circumstances
and the very legitimate ways that now might be reminding us of then
even though
Now Is Not Then
truth truth truth
no matter how much now looks like then
now is now
and, at the same time, acknowledgment and legitimacy:
it’s okay that we forget this
it’s okay that we forget truth
that’s what life is about,
forgetting and remembering, forgetting and re-remembering
you’re doing great, my love
look at you, being human
you’re totally nailing it!
yes, you forgot and remembered, you forgot and
will remember again
it’s okay, this is exactly how this works
you are safe
and I love you
I want to tell you about ruby jewel
I learned so much during operation ruby jewel
my twelve day adventure in the sun and in dreamland
though these days turned out to be the entryway,
the anteroom to ruby jewel
because this mission is much larger
more encompassing (that’s a compass joke!)
than I had anticipated
mainly I want to tell you things I learned about jewels
and about glowing
and maybe laugh about some of it
for example, the funny part
I planted two wishes here while I was gone:
1) what do I want to reflect, and 2) rooting for love
of course it turned out that what I want to reflect is LIGHT
and jewels reflect light
and light needs to be grounded (aka rooted)
because it is being conducted
through me
so reflecting and rooting,
as it turns out,
are the secret keys to being a jewel!
I wished them into being
not even knowing why I needed them
it’s so perfect and hilarious
twelve days, named
if you have ever worked with one of the
fluent self calendars
then you know how wildly sweetly disruptively magical it is
to invoke qualities with time
so here are the names of each day of the op
each name received in the morning of that day
and each one full of unexpected treasure
confident about doors
jewel heart
clear easy grounded
internal glow
to embark
when I am a jewel
glowing freedom
internal star access
in search of freedom
glow levels: enhance
FREEDOM CALLS
a jewel returns
what did I learn about light and jewels?
GLOW MORE TREASURE
means being a conduit for light
and conducting light through the jewel
that is you
this is mainly about Presence
I mean, yes, most things are mainly about Presence
but think about how a moment
(or a dance, for example)
is immediately altered
when you are fully engaged with
intention and intensity —
there for the whole experience
then…
then, from this clear committed engagement
thinking about and streaming my light
asking it to be there
(remembering that it is there whether I can
feel it or not has the same effect as turning on light)
next, being deliberate and deliciously panther-like
in both movement and actions
sending yourself into motion
from this gyroscope jewel in your center
and, of course, choosing towards
that which enhances your light
and your ability to glow and to perceive your glow;
choosing away from everything which does not
intentionally doing things that bring you pleasure
that help you cultivate your
easy relaxed joy
I do not know if it is is also for you,
sharing it in case it has clues or sparks
presence
presence is tricky
beautifully mysteriously tricky
and not only because the game is rigged
in every possible way to keep us disconnected
from ourselves and from now
many times on operation ruby jewel
I caught myself looking wistfully at my traveling companion
bracing myself for the impending disruptive goodbye:
knowing in two days time
a plane would take off for thailand without me
while I would go north to say a different goodbye
to my beautiful home
instead of HERE, NOW
this beautiful moment which is treasure
trusting that future moments will deliver
future treasure,
and that I am held in safety, sweetness and love
knowing that my only job is to
glow more, glow wild,
and trust
yes, to be HERE, NOW
with quiet passionate intention and intensity
if this moment is a door, any door, all the doors,
and I am free to walk through it,
then let’s choose joyful ones
choosing doors
for example, the door of acknowledgment and legitimacy for what is
including acknowledgment and legitimacy
for every moment of drifting away from now
every moment of sorrow-longing-despair-resistance
and wishing things were other than they are
presence means also being present with the not-being-present
and present with noticing if I am blaming myself for that
and present with blaming myself for the blaming
glowing compassion all the way to the root
let’s choose the door of compassion
let’s choose the door of turning inward to my thank-you heart
and the door of I Want To Be Here Now
the door of I Am Changing This Moment By How I Am In It
glowing
here is what I know about glowing
as learned from being a jewel for twelve days:
- pass light (let light pass) through your jewel
- ground it (ground everything)
- PRESENCE (relaxed positive being infuses relaxed positive doing)
- extra compassion, self directed (run your light through yourself to glow inward before glowing outward, fasten your own mask before assisting others)
- hold things lightly (not too seriously, and also hold them in the light)
what do I know about my wish this week
my wish is to embody this
to live this to the best of my ability
with the keen awareness
that this shit is not easy
bold presence or whatever you want to call it means
more interaction with [pain-fear-doubt]
but also more interaction with joyful aliveness
deep powerful stuff
our entire culture is built around not doing this
it’s designed to distract/entice/hold-in-place
acquiesce to stagnation
whether in jobs, family, structures, relationships
(including our relationship with ourselves)
I feel passionately about doing the opposite of this
being engaged in this [here, now] moment
and my yes that is my yes in this moment
surrounding myself, encompassing myself
in the qualities of spirit that are my compass
North: TRUST
Northeast: RELAX
East: SHINE
Southeast: EXPAND
South: ANCHOR
Southwest: TREASURE
West: GLOW
Northwest: WILD
what do I know this?
nothing needs to be done
and so much is asking to be not-done
and undone, dismantled
through deep breathing, presence and wild intentional not-doing
the best way for me to stay in the compass
is to breathe, pause, notice, laugh
forgive myself over and over for being human
and forgetting truth
naming things and
repeating the names
and giving things new magical names
saying I AM HERE NOW
and I am here
and I am here
now
Lars reminded me that winter is good
for curling up by the fire
so I did that
and things got better
and then Steve reminded me that dodging winter
is actually a perfectly expected move
for an eccentric wanderer like me
so [here, now] is good
and choosing a new [here, now] for soon/later is good
and now-now has tea and cushions
and breathing sweet breaths
which I now know
is another way of circulating light
through jewels
and through me
superpower of receptive to all incoming good surprises.
december on the 2015 fluent self calendar is TREASURE MORE, with the superpower of receptive to all incoming good surprises
glowing light through (internal) jewels
is a good practice for month of treasure and treasuring
I am receptive to all incoming good surprises
and everything that comes from [here, now]
and from saying yes to doors
and to sweetness
thank you, past-me, for putting this
on the calendar
last week’s wishes
I wished a wish about rooting for love…
and I learned that the best way to root
is to send and receive from the earth
and to do this with light
in order to be more here, more now
which is the next piece
invitation: come play with me…
you are invited to share many !!!!!! about what is here,
or share anything sparked for you while reading
deposit wishes, gwishes, superpowers, qualities, ingredients, intel, possibly in code
safe space for creative exploration asks us to let go of care-taking and advice-giving
wishes are never late because whenever you wish is the right time for wishing
here’s how we meet each other’s wishes: oh, wow what beautiful wishes
♡