What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
Wish 267: an entirely new kind of waiting
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
♡
What do I want?
I wrote in the Chicken about the Salve of the Slow Motion Montage.
Right now, in my life in general and in dance in particular, it feels like I’m in the beginning of an intense training sequence.
Sometimes I get frustrated with my progress (or perceived lack of process), because I forget that I’m in the montage part.
I want to remember that what seems like waiting is actually part of the training. This is the new frame.
I think I don’t know how to wait, but actually it’s an entirely new kind of waiting. This waiting is about trying things. Testing hypotheses. Being wrong. Taking notes. Trying the next thing. Wiping out. Starting over.
This new kind of waiting means a new relationship with the qualities: patience, perspective, perseverance and play.
What else do I know about this?
Okay, so my dance training montage also has four words that start with P: pitch, poise, position and practice.
These are good for my relationship with dance and my relationship with waiting.
What else do I know about this?
I took an amazing class with Robert Royston in June, and this is the line that stuck in my head:
The difference between an amateur and a pro is that an amateur practices a move until he gets it right, a pro practices until he can’t get it wrong.
This also makes me think about Brandi Tobias and how she talks about dedicating your practice to meticulousness. She says this is what allows you to really play.
Dedication, devotion, meticulousness, repetition.
These are the things I’m learning about while I appear to be waiting.
It’s not like I’m waiting around doing nothing, hoping things will move. This is a waiting of actively practicing.
What else do I know about this?
Sometimes the training sequence involves icing my ankle, sometimes it involves making the same mistake a thousand times, sometimes it involves crying in the bath, and all of these things are okay, because they are part of getting ready, becoming stronger, getting closer.
Just like how the labyrinth repeatedly appears to take me farther away from the thing I am heading towards, and that is part of arriving.
Another interesting thing about the labyrinth: I always think the most important moment will be at the center, only to be surprised (every single time) at all the moments of treasure waiting for me at various points along the way there and back.
This process is important. This waiting — this new sense of what it means to be in a transition state — has treasure for me.
What else do I know about this?
How I wait is more important than anything else about the waiting, just like how in west coast swing it doesn’t matter so much where my feet go as how they get there.
How is about process.
In this new kind of waiting, I am involved. I am playing. I am receptive to elegant solutions and unexpected doors. I remember to look up.
Mainly, I commit to enjoying the process of getting there. This means finding the pleasurable parts, saying hello to the flowers at the edge of the path, pausing for picnics, releasing the ridiculous idea that the only important thing about the mountain is being at the top of it.
I want to remember: everything happening now is useful. I am finding clues, I am learning and exploring, I am in process.
What do I want from this new kind of waiting
The thrill of almost.
The pleasure of anticipation.
Quiet steady focus.
In any moment I can leave a secret message for incoming me, uncover a secret message from past me.
I want to say no more often, with less apologizing. To wait for the whole-hearted yes.
To do things differently than I might usually, just to see what happens.
What will help with this?
More intention-setting during other moments of waiting.
I can trace the labyrinth at the bus stop. I can write qualities on the palms of my hands. I can take deeper breaths, getting quieter and quieter until I hear what is true.
Where do I want to start?
Bright colors. Passion. Costume changes. Skip stones with incoming me.
Dance. Intensity. Writing. Red lipstick. Eight breaths. My body gets the deciding vote.
Use the compass: eight breaths, one in each direction.
Pleasure. Desire. Ease. Bask. Emerge. Receive. Glow. Wild.
Say thank you in advance.
Me: Hey, slightly-wiser me, what do you have for me?
She: This really is an entirely new kind of waiting. It’s almost like we didn’t understand waiting before. This will change things. Let it change things. And you are so right about bright colors. Let the color into your life. Let things get saturated. See what happens. It’s a symbolic thing but it goes deep. This might also come with some scary moments, and it won’t make sense because come on, it’s just color. No, it’s big. This is about identity and about committing to desire, and a willingness to be seen! There’s a reason this requires a waiting period or montage time. Big growth. Let it take as long as it needs to take. Learning to wait like this is worth it.
The superpower of coming into your superpowers.
August is Emerging in the Fluent Self calendar.
The superpower of coming into your superpowers.
This new kind of waiting is emerging. It’s changing how I want to emerge. I am ready to come into my superpowers, including the superpowers of knowing that it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks, I Am Okay With Being Seen, receiving gifts that are winging their way to me. Let’s do it.
Oh wow, what beautiful wishes.
Oh, wow. What beautiful wishes.
What else do I want?
- Everything is easier than I thought, and look, miracles everywhere.
- I have the best time dancing in my ballroom.
- This doesn’t require my input!
- Ha, it’s so perfect that it turned out like this. Past me is a GENIUS
- I have what I need, and I appreciate it. There are resources to do this.
- Trust and steadiness. I can see why this moment is good.
- I am fearless and confident. I do the brave things and it is not even a big deal, and I still get sparklepoints, yay.
- The superpower of Everything Enhances My Superpowers.
- Ops: Real Seeing. The Protocols. Sip Hint Learn. The Panache Brigade!
Clues?
The word UNREPENTANT to describe a flower. Wow.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
So. Last week, aka Operation Grants Pass…
Best wish ever! I learned a lot about my fear, and I tried out for the Splash Choir. More importantly, I realized that even if the people who run the splash choir don’t like anything about how I splash, it doesn’t matter at all.
The only thing that mattered is that I allowed my desire to turn into action. I shared things that were vulnerable and scary to admit, I let myself splash.
And, like with so many intimidating experiences, thinking about doing it and almost-doing it were way harder than the thing itself.
Attenzione! Attention, AGENTS.
I wish to whisper a whisper about the Monster Manual! It comes paired with the world’s best coloring book, which does so much monster-dissolving magic that even if you wait to try the techniques, you’ll still feel better about everything.
Self-fluency is hard enough, we need ways to to interact with the thoughts-fear-worry-criticism that shuts down creative exploring. And when people get the manual, I am able to me spend more time writing here. So if you don’t need help with monsters, get one for a friend. Or plant a wish that someone gets it for you! And bring people you like to hang out here. The more of us working on our stuff, the better for all of us. ♡
Keep me company?
Consider this an open invitation to deposit wishes, gwishes, personal ads. In any size/form you like, there’s no right way. Updates on past experiments are welcome too, as is anything sparked for you.
Commenting culture: This is safe space for creative exploration. We are on permanent vacation from care-taking and advice-giving. We are here to play.
Let’s throw things in the pot! And: Amnesty. Leave a wish any time you want.
xox
Chicken 316: the chicken waxes on and off
It is the weekend and we are here.
{a breath for All Timing Is Right Timing}
Even — and maybe even especially when we miss the Friday part of the Friday Chicken because of Life Stuff, in this case because of Operation Gem Springs.
What worked this week?
Using the labyrinth.
I have a tiny labyrinth that I carry with me when I travel.
It’s kind of a pain, the TSA invariably finds it suspicious, and then I forget to use it anyway. But each time I travel, Slightly Wiser Me whispers to me to bring the labyrinth. So I bring it.
This week I remembered to use the labyrinth.
Each day before I leave to work on the op, I choose a quality and I trace the labyrinth focusing on this quality. Confidence. Sweetness. Pleasure. Curiosity. Wonder. Delight.
And then I take the quality with me through my day. I feel more focused, more calm, more alert to what Max calls signs of forming.
Next time I might…
Use the labyrinth in new ways.
The labyrinth is a door. I’m using it as a way to practice conscious entry.
I’m pretty good at doing entry for things that scare me, and this week involved a lot of those.
It’s much harder for me to remember to enter everything with that much intention.
Eight breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
- This week was all about wax on wax off. In dance, for sure, but also in everything else. I’m in the slow motion montage training sequence and it is so hard. A breath for process.
- I did all the scary things this week. A breath for comfort.
- Got new estimates for the house repairs, and while they are slightly less terrifying, it’s not fun. A breath for perfect simple solutions.
- Still discovering effects and complications from the traumatic middle ear infection in Berlin ten years ago. A breath for my body and for the process of recovery.
- CONFLICTING INFORMATION is the most frustrating thing in the world. This has been happening nonstop all month in dance, but it came to a head this week when an instructor asked me to think “up, up, up-up-up” on a sequence and then handed me over to the next instructor who asked me to think “down, down, down-down-down on the same move before I’d even had a chance to try and apply the first instruction. Ooof. A breath for meeting frustration with patience and maybe even laughter.
- In my stuff about so many things. A loss of confidence. A breath for finding my way through.
- Feeling overwhelmed by choices. A breath for trust.
- Inhale, exhale. Goodbye, mysteries and hard moments of this week.
Eight breaths of good, reassuring, delight-filled.
- Wax on wax off! Montage! I am learning the things I need to be learning, and making progress and the dedication to meticulousness is paying off. A breath for the joy of visible palpable progress.
- I did all the scary things this week! Go me! Including an audition! Two auditions, since I also tried out for the Splash Choir. Anyone who knows me knows how severely allergic I am to any form of trying out for anything, and I get a hundred trillion sparklepoints for bravery. A breath for courage.
- Getting to play. Also a really thoughtful, sweet, heart-conversation about entry, presence and not falling for anything. A breath for the many different kinds of play that I enjoy, and for getting a bit of all of them at the same tiem.
- Astounding moments of coincidence, during which I met two people I greatly admire, who proceeded, with no prompting from me, to have a discussion about [super secret big wish of mine], and then gave me wonderful encouragement. A breath for magic.
- Sharing a moment, and a moon. A breath for things that are surprising and extraordinary.
- Writing. A breath for saying all the things I want to say.
- Operation Gem Springs. Amazing dance workshops. Wonderful dances. I am finding the treasure. I am trying new things. I am learning and taking care of myself. A breath for everything about this.
- Appreciation and thankfulness. I am learning the things I want to learn. Incoming me is wise and hilarious and gives me good counsel. Red lipstick. Lovely surprises. Nothing is wrong. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. So many things are good. A breath for deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.
WHAM BOOM! Operations completed.
Huge progress on the latest Sip Hint Learn, and many Tiny Liberations. Wham Boom.
Superpowers!
Powers I had this week…
The power of smiling.
Superpowers I want.
The power of unapologetically and unwaveringly trusting my instinct.
Salve. The Salve of Slow Motion Montage.
When you rub this salve into your skin, you suddenly become much more patient with everything in your life that is in process, in transition, in a state of becoming.
It stops feeling like an endless slog, and instead you are able to feel the wind against your face. The calendar pages are floating past. You are learning skills and accessing information.
One day you’ll back on this as a magical time of growth, even the parts where it has seemed like nothing is moving. It was totally moving. You’re in the training montage sequence.
The more you use this salve, the more you enjoy that process of learning and curiosity, trying and falling, picking yourself back up.
This salve fills you with a soft steady glow, it infuses your life with patience, perspective, perseverance and play.
If salve does not appeal, you can have this in tea form, as a bath, cocktail, whatever works for you. Not only is there enough salve, there are also enough ways to receive it.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
This band is called (Foo = X), they do smooth jazz saxophone versions of ska songs, and it’s actually just one guy.
Attenzione! Attention, AGENTS.
My writing/righting retreat is full. (PASSWORD: oneword)
Is this something you would want another chance at doing in the future? Let me know.
You don’t have to think you’re a writer, you don’t have to write, nothing is required other than that you want quiet time to be deeply creative, wildly inspired, and take some mostly self-guided time for internal exploration or whatever appeals to you.
Come play if you like…
Join me in the comments. Some of us share hard and good, some of us say hi, or maybe we’re on silent retreat. My ritual doesn’t have to be your ritual. Whatever works for you. Almost three hundred weeks of this and there still isn’t a right way.
Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We don’t give advice.
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever you like, it’s no big deal. And I am blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers. I love that you are here too.
Wish 266: Operation Grants Pass
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
♡
What do I want?
Oh you guys. This weeks’s wish is so very loaded for me. I’m not even sure how to talk about it.
I think we’re going to need some secret agent code to keep this safe because the monsters are freaking out so hard right now.
Safety First! That’s how we do things.
There was a scholarship thingy.
Let’s not call it that. Anagrams to the rescue! There was a Splash Choir!
The Splash Choir was going to put on a show on a certain date, and to join the choir you had to show up to a practice before that happened.
Incoming me was very clear that she wanted me to splash in this choir. She reminded me over and over about the practice session. She made me write a reminder on a post-it note and put it above my bed.
She told me splashing with the choir would be a transformative experience. She said the parts that seem scary are worth the growth that this experience offers, and that I can kill it in the practice session because this particular kind of splashing is something I’m really good at.
And then I missed the practice session because I was so in my stuff about this that I couldn’t even bring myself to look online to find out when the date was.
What else do I know about this?
I felt bad about not having listened, since her suggestions are ALWAYS on target and they always pay off, and she laughed and said not to worry about it.
She reminded me that I believe in Nothing Is Wrong, and so does she.
We did some practicing related to forgiveness and presence and Now Is Not Then, and talked to some of the monster crew who were very upset about how I’d Screwed Up My Only Opportunity, even though of course they were the ones behind the paralysis of not being able to take a step towards even admitting I wanted the thing I wanted.
And then there was an announcement that the practice session had been postponed for a few days, and I can still make it to the practice session.
What do I know about what I want?
This is about receiving, and my ability to receive.
Which is pretty fitting, because this is my year of Emerging & Receiving, and these are the things I need to figure out, so of course they are stuck right now.
This is also related to my big current Lioness Self adventure*, which has to do with the thing Incoming Me keeps saying:
It. Doesn’t. Matter. What. They. Think.
What do I know about this so far?
There is so much fear for me tied up in asking for help.
Showing up to splash with the choir means being deeply vulnerable. There’s lots of fear about what people will think about me if I get into the choir, especially if that means they don’t get into the choir, because there is only one opening this year.
Right now small scared me is having a lot of trouble believing that it doesn’t matter what they think.
There is fear about misunderstandings, about having to explain myself or defend myself.
There are painful memories about Operation Resilience, when I really, really, really needed help, desperately.
I asked people for help who were not the right people to ask, and they told me that it was selfish of me to ask. And then I stopped asking, and things got really bad.
There is so much pain, so much fear, so much sadness. And: now is not then. Now is new.
What will help with this?
A new frame. What if I stop thinking of it as a scholarship and think of it as a grant instead? I’m going to do splash choir stuff anyway, and this is a way to do more of it.
A grant. Grants Pass. It’s a passage.
Grants Pass came into my mind because this weekend a completely brilliant and crazy series of events happened, and clues were flying all over the place and I was standing there with my jaw on the floor, and then I picked up a flyer about something happening in Grants Pass, Oregon. It seemed like another clue.
Anyway. A grant is a good frame for me. A splash choir is a good frame for me. Language and play. This will help. Operation Grants Pass it is. Or Grants Splash…
You know what else is good? For me, I mean. Asking for reassurance from friends.
Max asked, “Hey do you think they might have extended the deadline just for you?”
Richard said: “It’s not evil or messed up to say YES to a sweet thing life offers you.”
That is a form of asking I can do, and it is helpful.
Baths are helpful. Naps are helpful. Talking to incoming me is helpful. Finding the good is helpful.
Where do I want to start?
I want to work backwards.
Let’s say there’s a version of me who has already gotten into the Splash Choir and feels amazing about it? What can she tell me?
Let’s reverse-engineer this thing.
Anything else?
I can use the Floop.
I can write a love letter.
I can tell a story. I am good at telling stories. I don’t have to tell the whole story. I can tell bits and pieces of a story. I can dance. I can dance this out. In my safe rooms for her, and safe rooms for my fears.
Where do I want to start?
Interview incoming me to find out what she knows.
Skip stones as often as possible.
Dance. Intensity. Writing. Red lipstick. Eight breaths. My body gets the deciding vote.
Use the compass. Eight breaths: one in each direction.
Pleasure. Presence. Ease. Comfort. Emerge. Receive. Glow. Wild.
Say thank you in advance.
Me: Hey, slightly-wiser me, what do you have for me?
She: They changed the deadline for the choir because they didn’t find the splasher they wanted. You are the right splasher for this choir. This choir is the right place for you to splash. If that changes, that’s fine. Right now though, this is your beautiful challenge. The win isn’t getting to be in the choir. The win is showing up and saying “YES I WANT TO SPLASH”. And the biggest win will be the point of not caring what anyone thinks about your splashing, but in the meantime it is still a hugely important win to know that you care and still try.
Of course you have pain around this. It’s your stuff. And. There is treasure in this.
The superpower of coming into your superpowers.
August is Emerging in the Fluent Self calendar.
The superpower of coming into your superpowers.
This is exactly what I need. I am ready to come into my superpowers, including the superpower of knowing that it doesn’t matter what they think, and the superpower of receiving gifts that are winging their way to me. So let’s do this.
Oh wow, what beautiful wishes.
Oh, wow. What beautiful wishes.
What else do I want?
- Everything is easier than I thought, and look, miracles everywhere.
- I have the best time dancing in my ballroom.
- This doesn’t require my input!
- Ha, it’s so perfect that it turned out like this. Past me is a GENIUS
- I have what I need, and I appreciate it. There are resources to do this.
- Trust and steadiness. I can see why this moment is good.
- I am fearless and confident. I do the brave things and it is not even a big deal, and I still get sparklepoints, yay.
- The superpower of Everything Enhances My Superpowers.
- Ops: Real Seeing. The Protocols. Sip Hint Learn. The Panache Brigade!
Clues?
Ohmygod this week has been nothing but one clue after another. Brazil, again, and then again. Anchors everywhere. Last week I tried things on for size and this week the shoes that don’t feel good suddenly feel fine.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
So. Last week, aka lioness self in the isles of lens…
Well, my lessons are here, and I have my work cut out for me. I know what the missions are. Be okay with receiving. Delight in receiving. And know that it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks.
Easier said than done, yes? But I know where to start, and I’m doing the work and things are moving and changing. It was the right wish at the right time.
Attenzione! Attention, AGENTS.
I wish to whisper a whisper about the Monster Manual! It comes paired with the world’s best coloring book, which does so much monster-dissolving magic that even if you wait to try the techniques, you’ll still feel better about everything.
Self-fluency is hard enough, we need ways to to interact with the thoughts-fear-worry-criticism that shuts down creative exploring. And when people get the manual, I am able to me spend more time writing here. So if you don’t need help with monsters, get one for a friend. Or plant a wish that someone gets it for you! And bring people you like to hang out here. The more of us working on our stuff, the better for all of us. ♡
Keep me company?
Consider this an open invitation to deposit wishes, gwishes, personal ads. In any size/form you like, there’s no right way. Updates on past experiments are welcome too, as is anything sparked for you.
Commenting culture: This is safe space for creative exploration. We are on permanent vacation from care-taking and advice-giving. We are here to play.
Let’s throw things in the pot! And: Amnesty. Leave a wish any time you want.
xox
Chicken 315: trying things on for size
It is Friday and we are here.
{a breath for Friday}
What worked this week?
Saying thank you.
And sharing my thank-yous.
Next time I might…
Remind myself about the relationship between rest and [everything else].
Naps are portals and bridges to healing things. For me.
And I forget this.
Eight breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
- Some body stuff going on. Left foot. Right hand. A small burn. A breath for taking better care of myself.
- In addition to last week’s Alarming Estimates for house repairs, my dentist informed me that there are things that need to be fixed. This never happens! Except it’s happening now. A breath for ease, comfort and perfect simple solutions.
- We invested in new equipment for the imaginary chocolate shop, and it was so expensive, and there was just no way around it. A breath for breathing through.
- Of course we somehow ordered the wrong equipment, and of course there were endless complications with the delivery and of course it arrived on a 90 degree day and of course it took hours for me and Richard to unload all the heavy boxes because we didn’t know anyone who could help. A breath for everything about this situation and for new forms of support coming in.
- Got seriously overloaded during the workshop weekend. A combination of too much intel and too much time around people. A breath for falling apart.
- At the point with my dancing where I can catch so things that aren’t working and I know why and I know what to do about it, and just not able to implement yet. A breath for being just past the beginning of the montage sequence….
- Travel and logistics and so many things to be done, so many things on hold. A breath for trust.
- Inhale, exhale. Goodbye, mysteries and hard moments of this week.
Eight breaths of good, reassuring, delight-filled.
- Wally Walsh, wizard of bodywork, was able to do miracles with my back. I went from being in pain and having very limited range of motion to feeling completely fine. A breath for movement, and for love.
- Last week’s new understanding related to my relationship with dance has been bearing fruit of the best kinds. A breath for knowing what I want and how to get there.
- The workshop weekend with Brandi Tobias was incredible. I have pages of furiously scribbled notes, some of which are hilarious (“don’t be a baby skunk!”), and drills to play with, and a thousand shining epiphanies. A breath for the thrill of understanding new things. Or old things in a new way.
- I had all kinds of great dances with people this week. A breath for delight in life.
- Grand adventures of various kinds. Getting Redirected. Ending up at a Bosnian cafe and discovering clues. A breath for discovery.
- Writing, writing, writing and more writing. A breath for pleasure and for process.
- I am in California having an adventure related to Operation Gem Springs. I am finding the treasure. I am trying new things. A breath for everything about this.
- Appreciation and thankfulness. I am learning the things I want to learn. Incoming me is wise and hilarious and gives me good counsel. Red lipstick. Lovely surprises. Nothing is wrong. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. So many things are good. A breath for deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.
WHAM BOOM! Operations completed.
Lots of progress on ongoing missions, specifically Provisioning and Tiny Liberations. Wham Boom.
Superpowers!
Powers I had this week…
The power of Trying Things On For Size (in all senses), and being okay with what doesn’t fit.
Superpowers I want.
The power of Whatever Is Happening Automatically Enhances My Superpowers.
Salve. The Salve of Supported.
When you rub this salve into your skin, you suddenly become aware of all the forms of support that are already in your life.
The basic ones like oxygen and gravity.
Support in the form of beauty: Trees and flowers. Vibrant colors. Marvelous smells.
Support in the form of resources — internal and external — available to you whether you remember to call on them or not.
All the hidden forms of support are visible for you now and activated for you, in such a way that accessing them is now easy and uncomplicated. This salve only activates forms of support that are safe for you to receive, no strings attached, no stuff attached. This is support in pure-essence.
This salve adds grace to everything. And — here’s something interesting: this salve makes it easier to try things on for size.
When you remember how much support there is for you, it’s not a big deal to let things go that don’t fit…
If salve does not appeal, you can have this in tea form, as a bath, cocktail, whatever works for you. Not only is there enough salve, there are also enough ways to receive it.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
This band is called The Fly Ribbon Sutras, they play indie banjo covers of Tom Waits songs and it’s actually just one guy.
Attenzione! Attention, AGENTS.
My writing/righting retreat is full. (PASSWORD: oneword)
Is this something you would want another chance at doing in the future? Let me know.
You don’t have to think you’re a writer, you don’t have to write, nothing is required other than that you want quiet time to be deeply creative, wildly inspired, and take some mostly self-guided time for internal exploration or whatever appeals to you.
Come play if you like…
Join me in the comments. Some of us share hard and good, some of us say hi, or maybe we’re on silent retreat. My ritual doesn’t have to be your ritual. Whatever works for you. Almost three hundred weeks of this and there still isn’t a right way.
Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We don’t give advice.
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever you like, it’s no big deal. And I am blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers. I love that you are here too.
Wish 265: lioness self in the isles of lens
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
♡
What do I want?
I’ve been thinking out loud (okay, by text) with a few fellow secret agents recently about receiving, and how hard this is or can be.
About how much tangled up guilt/shame/stuff we have about it, and about the lessons inside of all this, related to accepting and receiving in various forms.
Lessons all over the place. Except bleah, life lessons is such a depressing phrase so I threw it in the anagram generator:
Selfless Ion. Lioness Self! Feels In Loss. Senses of I’ll. So Fill Sense. Foes Sell Sin. Isles of Lens!
The lesson isn’t really a lesson.
It’s a present, and a practice.
Or, to riff on something wonderful Max said, it’s like a meeting-up between one aspect of you and another aspect of you where you go, oh, right. And then you high five.
Or maybe you cry first and then hug it out.
What do I know about what I want?
I’m currently in many moments and experiences that fall into this category.
And I think it would in fact be helpful to be my Lioness Self:
Courageous, steady, beautiful, fully alive and present, equally committed to napping and to going after what I want, powerful, dynamic, bounding, moving forward with slinky cat steps.
This is, hilariously, all the same things I happen to be working on right now in my relationship with dance.
What I would like is to stop fighting the lessons, to stop grinding wheels, and start playing with all this intel my patterns are showing me.
To look up and recognize that this is a chance to meet Incoming me, not another reason to think I’m terrible at life, which is the au courant monster-theory.
What do I know about this so far?
Here’s what always helps:
Taking sweet pauses, saying yes to the red lights, remembering the purple pills, saying thank you to the broken pots.
And, really, saying thank you to — and for — everything I can think of.
Not because I “should” feel thankful. Not adding to guilt with more guilt.
This is not at all about diminishing the experience of the things that are hard, painful and challenging. Acknowledgment and legitimacy for the hard, always. Safety first!
Finding the good as a way of remembering my Lioness Self.
What else do I know about my Lioness Self in the Isle of Lens?
This has to do with presence and paying attention.
Noticing patterns, without judging myself for having the pattern (still, the monster chorus wants to add), or for being in it.
Noticing, especially, all the ways in which I care — a lot — about what other people think, when caring what they think falls into the category of Not My Job.
Remembering what Incoming Me said:
It. Doesn’t. Matter. What. They. Think.
Let go of this, my love. It is time to let this go.
What is an Isle of Lens?
It is the place where perspective is new.
It is the place of remembering truth.
It is quiet, a sanctuary. Just like not speaking. Being someone who lives in quiet has created my own Isle of Lens. It has gotten me to this point where I can access my Lioness Self.
I mean, I wouldn’t even know about my Lioness Self if I hadn’t first gotten quiet and steady enough to listen.
What do I want to try?
Noticing all the ways and moments in daily life which demonstrate that I am comfortable with receiving. Saying thank you for that.
Noticing all the ways and moments which demonstrate that I am deeply tangled up in these [Selfless Ions / Life Lessons], and resisting receiving things, experiences or intel that are being given to me.
Practicing radical forgiveness, internally directed. This freaks out the monsters, so we will call it something else.
Basically though, it’s this:
Remembering that past-me was in a rough place, she was working with minimal intel, she didn’t have the skills and tools we have now, she was functioning on very little sleep with very few resources, she didn’t know how to take care of herself.
Everything she did and every choice she made came from good intentions, she was doing what she could with the tools and information she had at the time. Maybe me-now would choose differently, and that’s fine. The point is, she was doing her best to get us here, and we made it! I’m here now.
And the best thing I can do is to glow love and appreciation for her, create safety for her, build safe rooms for her, and safe rooms for my fears.
Where do I want to start?
Interview incoming me to find out what she knows.
Skip stones as often as possible.
Dance. Intensity. Writing. Red lipstick. Eight breaths. My body gets the deciding vote.
Using the compass. Eight breaths: one in each direction.
Pleasure. Presence. Ease. Comfort. Emerge. Receive. Glow. Wild.
Saying thank you in advance.
Me: Hey, slightly-wiser me, what do you have for me?
She: Do you think your Lioness Self cares about whether or not people like her? Do you think she gives up on things that are important to her to accommodate other people’s fears, perceptions and distortions about who she is?
Her not-caring is not selfish. Her not-caring is part of her embodied grace.
The superpower of coming into your superpowers.
August is Emerging in the Fluent Self calendar.
The superpower of coming into your superpowers.
Look what’s emerging. A new relationship with “lessons” and a new relationship with receiving. I’ve spent the past couple of years and especially the past couple months letting go and letting go and letting go some more, emptying out. It makes sense that emerging and receiving is what is next.
And since this is the Year of Emerging & Receiving, of course that’s what is happening.
I named it in advance, and naming things in advance is a weird witchy magic. Or it’s not and it just provides a lens — an isle of lens — to give a new understanding of what is happening anyway.
Oh wow, what beautiful wishes.
Oh, wow. What beautiful wishes.
What else do I want?
- Everything is easier than I thought, and look, miracles everywhere.
- I have the best time dancing in my ballroom.
- This doesn’t require my input!
- Ha, it’s so perfect that it turned out like this. Past me is a GENIUS
- I have what I need, and I appreciate it. There are resources to do this.
- Trust and steadiness. I can see why this moment is good.
- I am fearless and confident. I do the brave things and it is not even a big deal, and I still get sparklepoints, yay.
- The superpower of Everything Enhances My Superpowers.
- Ops: Real Seeing. The Protocols. Sip Hint Learn. The Panache Brigade!
Clues?
Trying things on for size. The phrase “Rock On”. How do you catch flies?
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
So. Last week, aka lovingly curated…
This was super helpful for me. I was able to practice [treasuring my space] in a variety of ways.
I went through my phone and deleted every number whose name elicited a wince.
There were some I couldn’t bring myself to delete because (monsters here) What If This Person Tries To Contact You And You Don’t Know Who It Is And You Can’t Protect Yourself. So I just changed their names to things like You Don’t Trust This Person, You Don’t Like This Person, You Don’t Have To Respond.
Now they live in the Y section of my phonebook where I never look. So that was pretty great.
I also worked with this theme in taking more breaks and pauses, and in treasuring my dance space. Feeling good about this, and can’t wait to do more of it.
Attenzione! Attention, AGENTS.
I wish to whisper a whisper about the Monster Manual! It comes paired with the world’s best coloring book, which does so much monster-dissolving magic that even if you wait to try the techniques, you’ll still feel better about everything.
Self-fluency is hard enough, we need ways to to interact with the thoughts-fear-worry-criticism that shuts down creative exploring. And when people get the manual, I am able to me spend more time writing here. So if you don’t need help with monsters, get one for a friend. Or plant a wish that someone gets it for you! And bring people you like to hang out here. The more of us working on our stuff, the better for all of us. ♡
Keep me company?
Consider this an open invitation to deposit wishes, gwishes, personal ads. In any size/form you like, there’s no right way. Updates on past experiments are welcome too, as is anything sparked for you.
Commenting culture: This is safe space for creative exploration. We are on permanent vacation from care-taking and advice-giving. We are here to play.
Let’s throw things in the pot! And: Amnesty. Leave a wish any time you want.
xox