What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
Wish #235: a hat that is a door
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
At the very least, useful noticings about my relationship with wanting. It all counts.
♡
What do I want?
In March it will be NINE YEARS since I started this business.
Eight since I marched into City Hall in San Francisco (not sure if marched is the correct verb, I’m pretty sure it was a fairly tentative march, at best) to make things official. Nine since the vision, which is when I started documenting my material and incorporating it into my teaching.
I’ve been so fortunate, in many ways. Especially-especially to have this remarkable community form around this work.
The people who are drawn here seem to be universally thoughtful, kind, warm, playful and accepting. The culture we have built/revealed here is exceptionally welcoming. I genuinely like everyone who plays here. That is a special and unusual thing.
My thank-you heart is full of appreciation for this.
And, along with the things that are working, I’m also very aware of the things that are not working.
What do I want?
While we enjoyed a few very successful years along the way, the last couple of years have been hard: the big expansion that was a Spectacular Flailure, the breakup with my former mentor, and a cosmically ridiculous amount of painful personal Stuff.
2013 was supposed to be my sabbatical year, and instead it was the year I worked the hardest.
I want to keep doing this work, and…
If I am going to keep doing this work, things need to change, in a big way.
What do I want?
Community. SUSTENANCE and SUSTAINABILITY.
I want to stop doing the thing I’ve done way too much of over the past few years, using the success of one or another part of the business to keep other parts of it on life support.
I want this business to become more democratic: to be held by more people which in turn will allow us to offer things for less money.
And I want to run this like an entirely different kind of organization, the kind that goes, “Okay, we have a budget and we need to make our budget for the year in order to keep providing the beautiful things we provide.”
Mainly I want to devote my time to writing and processing: here and on the Floop.
Ha, I just noticed: each of those things is about [Sharing]. Sharing things that are close to my heart, sharing the carrying of things that need to be carried, sharing in community.
What do I want?
This is so interesting.
The spy who loves me is really, really into sharing. Whenever we make a compass together, he puts [Sharing] in as one of the directions.
Once he said that if he made a thousand compasses, they would all have [Sharing] in them.
I thought at the time that over the course of a thousand compasses, it would never occur to me to add [Sharing]. Not that I am anti-[Sharing], just that it doesn’t occur to me.
The qualities I pretty much always want are things like [Safety], [Sovereignty], [Shelter], [Play]. I also love [Agency], [Delight], [Presence] and [Plenty]. And Freedom. Freedom shows up a lot too.
Over this past year I have been making friends with [Sharing], and now it is the thing I want most.
What do I want?
To remember that Nothing Is Wrong and This Is Good.
To remember that all the best parts of my business emerged from the moment where I reached a limit. I got to a point of “okay, this isn’t working for me”, and that is where beautiful changes came in. Stuff had to break in order to be rebuilt.
And sometimes it didn’t need to break. It just cleared itself out.
The point is, this moment of noticing what isn’t working is useful and important, if I remember.
Otherwise it’s easy to get down about what isn’t working and sucked into the why-like-this.
The not working is good news. The noticing of Not-Working is good news. This is the door to consciously changing how I do things around here.
What do I want?
To be willing to start over if I have to.
To be willing to relinquish any rules I have about how this has to look.
To be willing to walk away from anything, even though I don’t know what that means.
To be willing to stay and love what is, and let it change in whatever way it needs to change.
To be a bell of peacefulness. To radiate trust. To ask smart questions and skip stones.
What do I want?
A new hat. The last hat.
Maybe it is the hat that runs this thing for now into the future. Or maybe it is the hat that shows me this form is done, that leads me to try something else.
What do I want?
Ease. Miracles. Simplicity. Perfect simple solutions.
Where/how do I want to start?
Replenishing Glass of Water. RGW!
Using the Floop and a playdate.
And! I am going to wear the Aspiration of The Me Who Knows Why This Is Wonderful And Trusts That It Is Wonderful Even If She Doesn’t Know Why Yet.
Anything else coming up?
Lately I have experienced many examples of This Wasn’t As Hard/Horrible As I Was Imagining.
So what if I can assume that?
And what if I can actually imagine what it would feel like to believe this is all good news.
What are the qualities of my wish?
Sharing. Steadiness. Peacefulness. Trust. Archways. Pleasure. Play. Glow.
And the superpower of I Can See And Feel That I Am Not Alone.
What would help me move forward on this? How am I going to play?
Wearing the costume of the me who believes. Interviewing her. Finding out what the world looks like through her eyes.
Drawing a crown and a heart on my palm. Thinking: Crown. Heart.
What is my clue?
Last year Monsieur LeBlanc, the agent from the other Agency, stopped doing something that he had been doing for thirty four years.
At the time it seemed crazy, and in retrospect it is completely obvious that this was the right move.
What if my crazy idea is not crazy at all? What if following the thread is useful in and of itself? The reasons can reveal themselves later.
Anything else?
More napping. Sleep holds the answers right now. And if it doesn’t, then my rested mind will.
What else do I want?
Seeds planted without explanation, a mix of secret agent code and silent retreat dreams. Things I’m working on, or might be, someday…
- May Peacefulness Prevail!
- Announcements.
- Everything is getting easier.
- Miracles everywhere.
- Regular gigs at the ballroom, which is also the Spiegelsaal.
- This doesn’t require my input!
- Ha, it’s so perfect that it turned out like this.
- Past me is a GENIUS.
- I have what I need, and I appreciate it.
- There is money for this.
- Trust and steadiness. I can see why this moment is good.
- Hawaii.
- I am fearless and confident, and I do the brave things and give myself sparklepoints, and it is not even a big deal that I did the brave things but I still get sparklepoints, yay.
This week’s ops?
The Last Hat. Operation Nest of Plentiful Rest. Operation Rewire The Swishes.
I’m playing with…
“How is this useful?”
Attenzione! AGENTS.
I am deep in an undercover mission to get better at Gracefully Accepting Thanks. Or: Glowing Receptivity and Being Receptive to Glow.
This mission also resolves a question we get from people a lot, which is “I really, really want to thank you, except I’m not going to buy products and I can’t come to a Rally.” And it is also related to Operation Coming Out Of All The Closets, so I can share some experiences from Then where past-me thought her best survival strategy was not-sharing-how-hard-things-are.
If you would like to support my mission by sharing sweetness and appreciation for any aspect of my work, I would love that. You can do it with the magic of words, through the comments, or add something to Barrington’s Discretionary fund. (Explanation!)
And if the way you are glowing appreciation is quietly in your heart, I like that too. It all counts. ♡
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
So. Last week, aka My big dumb mitten visit…
My wish had to do with having ease and support during a hard thing so that the hard thing could be not-as-hard. It worked!
My visit to freezing-cold-Michigan, while physically exhausting, went better than I could have imagined. I feel happy and relieved.
Thank you, writing. Thank you, me who asked.
Keep me company?
You are welcome to drop in with wishes, gwishes, visions, personal ads. Small or large, and in any form you like. There is no right way to do this. Updates on past experiments are welcome too, as is anything sparked for you.
Commenting culture: This is safe space for creative exploration. We ask for what we need. We are on permanent vacation from care-taking and advice-giving. We are here to play.
Let’s throw some things in the pot! And, as always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox
Friday Chicken #284: medium-sized miracles
It is Friday and we are here.
{a breath for Friday}
What worked?
Gwish-scripting.
Before my visit to the doctor, I spent about ten minutes writing up a description of how it could go, and then I sent it to three friends:
I am calm, grounded and stable. All my interactions are harmonious. I am treated with warmth and respect.
All those things happened. It was good.
Companionship.
My three friends also hummed trust and shelter during my visit.
Just knowing that this was happening helped me feel better.
Clue-searching.
For the duration of my visit to the doctor, I was on high alert, receptive to finding clues.
I found them.
Words.
At the doctor’s office, I wrote TRUST on the palms of my hands, using my finger. I wrote TRUST on the walls of the office until it filled up with trust. I wrote TRUST on my forehead with this whisper-writing.
Words are amazing.
Stand-ins.
I didn’t just do these things for the visit to the doctor, I did them for all the other things.
The doctor visit is a stand-in for everything else.
Next time I might…
Do more of all of the above.
I know what works.
I just don’t always take time to do it unless it seems like This Is An Important Thing That Needs My Immediate Attention.
It makes everything so much better though that I could really do this for everything.
A wise thing a dance teacher said this week.
—-> Even better than saying “leads” and “follows” is saying, “when you’re leading,” and “when you’re following.” Leading is something you do, not something you are. Everyone in the room can be a lead, even if only half of them are leading at that moment. <----
[Applicable to so many things: I am not a ______, I am doing a _____ or practicing ________.]
Eight breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
- Worry. Visiting the doctor threw me for a loop and changed all my plans. A breath for coming back to the front of the V.
- Travel. So much travel. I do not like it. A breath for how absurdly, impossibly hard it can be to take a highly sensitive person and move her from point A to point B.
- My body did not like plane travel or sleeping on couches or being in the cold and snow. A breath for taking care of myself.
- Ohmygod the getting back. For the first flight we got to sit on the runway for 45 minutes. On the second leg, a baby with an exceptionally forceful ear-piercing shriek employed it to full effect for the entire THREE AND A HALF HOUR DURATION OF THE FLIGHT as well as the very long boarding and the seemingly-endless disembarkation. The flight began with a hint of a migraine. By the end I had come absolutely unglued. Once back in PDX (at approximately a million o’clock), I curled up on the carpet in fetal position and cried for a very, very long time. A breath for that.
- Missing the spy who loves me and all my other agents. A breath for craving companionship.
- People I love are unwell, uncomfortable, suffering. A breath for the this too.
- This week involved very little sleep, much staring at the ceiling during hours that should be sleeping hours, and [a word that is like sorrow] about all the undone-work. A breath for needing more rest, in all the different meanings of that sentence.
- Inhale, exhale. Goodbye, mysteries and hard moments of this week.
Eight breaths of good, reassuring, delight-filled.
- My Mitten Visit was so much better/easier than I was expecting. A breath for now is not then.
- I got to spend two days with my brother! A breath for delight and laughter.
- Everything about this week except for the plane ride back was significantly better than I was imagining it would be. A breath for Good Surprises, a superpower I will always associate with Rudi.
- Brunch at the Fleetwood with one of my best friends from high school. A lot has changed in twenty years, but love hasn’t changed. Love has just grown. A breath for love and how it expands.
- So many different people helped me with the Mitten visit in a variety of different ways. A breath for support and treasure.
- The Agent from the Other Agency met me at the airport, let me cry on the floor, poured me into a cab, took me to a safe house, got me into a hot shower, tucked me into bed. A breath for being loved and cared for.
- DANCING! Something clicked for me this week. Or for my body. Jumped up a few levels, and suddenly I can do all these things I couldn’t do before. I can play. I can play! A breath for how thrilled and delighted I am about this, and for dancing until the dance is over.
- Everything is going to be okay. It just is. A breath for knowing and remembering.
WHAM BOOM! Operations completed.
My op this week was the Big Dumb Mitten Visit, and: SUCCESS.
WHAM! BOOM!
Superpowers!
Powers I had this week…
The power of This Moment Is Right.
And remembering that I am the PROPRIETRESS of a magical ballroom. This is its own set of superpowers.
Also my father gave me his favorite hat, which was the sweetest thing in the world, so now I have both the superpowers of this hat, and the superpower of receiving sweetness.
Superpowers I want.
The power of I Am Thrilled About How Things Are Working Out.
Salve.
The salve of newness.
Everything is new, renewed, slightly shinier, humming with possibility.
If you are not a salve person (today or in general), you can have this in tea form, pill form, as a bath, whatever works for you. Not only is there enough salve, there are also enough ways to receive it.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
This week’s band via my mom’s medication.
The Rainbow Bridge of Love and Expectations.
And it’s just one guy…
Attenzione! Attention, AGENTS.
Big announcement coming soon about my plans/offerings for the new year, I hope by next week. Are you on the list?
Come play if you like…
Join me in the comments. Some of us share hard and good, some of us say hi, or maybe we’re on silent retreat. My ritual doesn’t have to be your ritual. Whatever works for you. Almost three hundred weeks of this and there still isn’t a right way.
Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We don’t give advice.
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever you like, it’s no big deal. And I am blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers. I love that you are here too.
Accidental Fortunes. Naming missions.
Me: Have you uncovered what AF stands for yet?
Agent: That’s the mission, right?
That’s the mission.
The spy who loves me had to set off suddenly for San Francisco.
He wasn’t sure why, he just needed to.
I am familiar with this type of thing. It is how I ended up at the Vicarage. It is also pretty much exactly how I ended up in San Francisco several years ago on my own life-altering escapade. Sometimes the mission just decides that it is time.
You’re going. You hadn’t planned on it and yet now it’s happening. Kind of like how I’m in Michigan this week even though that wasn’t the plan.
That’s the mission. And sometimes you aren’t even really sure why it is the mission, so figuring that part out is also the mission.
Everything you know about the mission and everything you don’t know about the mission makes up the mission. Sometimes the mission knows more about the mission than you do.
And sometimes the typo knows more about the mission than you do.
The spy who loves me posted on FB about his last-minute trip, hoping to connect with a couch.
Except he wrote AF instead of SF.
His fingers changed the mission.
So many options.
Me: Aspiration Fortress? Accidental Fortunes. Adventures Forever. Attitude of Flexibility, which helps if you’re having Adventures Forever! Affluence of Forms. Ascending into Flight. Alliance of Factions. Adoration and Freedom. Acquiring the Fragments. Avatar Fomenting. Analysis of Forgiveness. Accepting (good) Fortune. Attending Fountains. Asking the Flowers. Apples: Fuji. Ampersands Forever.
Agent: Well, I won’t know until I find out. Those do seem like good options though, so keep them coming if you want.
Me: It’s not so much that I want as that I can’t stop. Ascending Fluidly. Aperture to Fondness. Anachronistic Footwear. Approving Fractals (double meaning and just one guy)
Agent: Accelerating Fast…
Me: Adding Flips.
Agent: Accepting Funds.
Me: Acting Funny.
Agent: Advanced Fronds.
Me: Arriving Feet-first.
Agent: Affirmative to that.
Me: Nice. We’ll have to say “affirmative” a lot, because it starts with AF.
Agent: AFFIRMATIVE. Access Fortune.
Me: Affirmative to that. May it be so.
Names help, they just do. And words are magic, they just are.
Code names are incredibly useful. Secret agent code!
A new name can help me circumnavigate whatever Stuff I might have about the thing itself, or possible negative associations hidden inside of the name.
Folding laundry is pretty much never appealing — to me at least.
However, I might get intrigued by Operation Stack X4, which is, ta da, folding laundry. Do not tell the monsters.
And while I definitely don’t want to Write The Stressful Letter To The Horrible Person, I could talk myself into playing with Operation Transform Things Into Treasure.
Maybe folding laundry turns into the door to the letter. Maybe the secret op means the letter is no longer This Awful Stressful Thing Hanging Over My Head, and then the letter turns into a fractal flower, helping me do other things at the same time. So many possibilities.
This is why AF is a great name.
Not just because it contains accidental fortunes (and Accidental Fortunes). It’s also just easier to ask, “What do I know about A.F.?” than it is to deal with monster-questions like “What the hell am I doing here and oh god is this a horrible mistake?”
Sometimes I get stuck on the naming part itself.
This is why typos and auto-correct errors are incredibly helpful for renaming! A few other ways I rename things….
Sounds like or rhymes with…
Nine Days in San Francisco can be Time Ways in the Bam Bam Disco.
Folding laundry can be Bolding Quandary.
Spoonerism.
Sometimes my entire Stist of Luff (list of stuff) looks like this:
Old the Flaundry. Coast Pards. Bake Tath. Ancel Cologne. Pleen the Clayground. Feeve Leedback.Keel with Dastle. Pight the Roast. Chork Banges. Killding Bode. Praking Mogress?
Acronym or acrostic.
S.A.N. Francisco. Solving and Nesting.
Folding The Laundry: Fresh Truth Love.
Anagrams!
San Francisco is also — thank you Anagram Generator — Coins Fans Arc. Or: Can Cars Infos. Or: If Acorn Scans…
Fold laundry is A Fund Lordly. Or: Full On Dryad. Dandy Or Full. Lord Lady Fun!
Compass.
An eight letter word makes a great compass. Then you can have a letter or a word in each direction.
Operation LAUNDERS could stand for Love (north), Access (northeast), Undoing (east), Newness (southeast), Doors (south), Ease (southwest), Resilience (west) and Shelter (northwest).
Secret agent op.
Calling something an operation or a mission automatically makes it more fun, for me.
I might not want to write that letter. Operation L.E.T.T.E.R.S., though….
That could involve a costume. Or a secret identity. I might need to rumba. It could be fun…
Accidental Fortunes.
Names are accidental fortunes.
Typos are accidental fortunes (and accidental names).
Words are play and magic and possibility. Or they can be.
AFFIRMATIVE.
There are things I have to do (or perceive that I have to do), and these are my missions.
There are things I get to do, and these are my missions.
There are things I get to discover, and these are missions too, even though I don’t always know I am on them.
Missions make me pay attention. Names make missions fun, powerful, exciting, full of unexpected discoveries.
Affirmative, affirmative, affirmative.
Let’s play.
We can name ops and missions.
We can rename parts of our day, projects we are working on or preparing ourselves for.
We can decide what AF might be.
We can play.
Wish #234: BDMV
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
At the very least, useful noticings about my relationship with wanting. It all counts.
♡
What do I want?
BDMV is the Big Dumb Mitten Visit.
The Mitten is Michigan.
The Big Dumb Mitten is what Bonnie calls Michigan.
I am going there.
I have mixed feelings about Michigan, and Michigan-in-the-winter and flying there. Actually, I have unmixed feelings about the second two things.
BDMV works for me in so many ways. Dumb is secretly related to: I am not speaking. Big has to do with how symbolically big. And the entire phrase can be shortened to Big DMV, which goes perfectly with my existing acronym: Department of Magical Voyages.
What I want is SMOOTHNESS and EASE with the visit. With no aftermath please.
What I want is Now Is Not Then.
What I want is to be able to remember and hang onto the things I’ve been practicing in the six years since my last visit.
What do I want?
To not be in my stuff about this.
What I want is a way to work with it, even though [STUFF], and to find the ease.
What do I want?
To stay grounded and centered. To know what I want. To take care of myself.
To remember the most important thing in the world: I don’t need to care what other people think about me or my life.
And lots of snacks.
What do I want?
Ease. Miracles. Simplicity. Perfect simple solutions. Good surprises. Speediness. Right timing. Present Time. Trust. Sweetness.
What do I want?
I am noticing how nervous I am about the plane rides. Planes destroy force fields and are hard on my body. To do this visit, I need the world’s strongest force field, and to be connected to my body so I don’t follow my tendency/inclination to disconnect and disassociate.
So I want strategies for the plane.
Where/how do I want to start?
What else could BDMV stand for?
Boldness. Daring. Mission. Valour!
Or:
Beauty. Desires. Melodies. Visions.
Anything else coming up?
This weekend I had a [potentially scary doctor visit] for the first time in many years. The last one had been pretty disastrous, so I was experiencing anxiety about this one.
I set things up with a lot of love, and with so much entry and gwish-scripting (writing out how I want to feel and what I experience while feeling it). I practiced all the practices.
And it was great. Smooth, easy. Nothing was wrong. All was well. I planted “all my interactions are harmonious”, and they were. I planted, “I am treated with enormous respect”, and I was.
So maybe this doctor visit was actually Secret Training for this voygage to the/my Big Dumb Mitten.
Maybe it was an example of how things can be, instead of a reminder of how things used to be.
What are the qualities of my wish?
Huh. Exactly the same compass from last time.
Peacefulness. Trust. Steadiness. Warmth. Grounding Anchors. Sweetness. Power. Clear seeing.
And the superpowers of I Am Not Alone.
What would help me move forward on this? How am I going to play?
Using a sankalpa.
Doing secret spirals with the compass and finding all the combinations.
Peacefull steadiness anchors the power. Trust warms the sweetness so that I can see clearly.
I trust in warmth. I am warming the sweetness. Sweetness is helping to clear my sight. I see this trust clearly. Peacefulness steadies me. Steady are the grounded anchors. Anchoring the power, so I can be powerfully peaceful.
Drawing a crown and a heart on my palm. Thinking: Crown. Heart.
What is my clue?
At the doctor’s office there was a piano that had the word CROWN on it.
Crown is my clue. When I am wearing my crown, I take care of myself. I set clear, loving expectations. I do not put up with crap. I am warm and gracious. I am connected to my thank-you heart.
Anything else?
If the plane ride is full of clues, then I can treat it as a passage and a mission.
So I am going to find the clues.
And I am going to wear my Headspace Protectors the entire time.
What else do I want?
Seeds planted without explanation, a mix of secret agent code and silent retreat dreams. Things I’m working on, or might be, someday…
- The Compass of Signs.
- May Peacefulness Prevail!
- Announcements.
- Everything is getting easier.
- Miracles everywhere.
- Regular dancing gigs at the ballroom, which is also the Spiegelsaal.
- This doesn’t require my input!
- Ha, it’s so perfect that it turned out like this.
- Past me is a GENIUS.
- I have what I need, and I appreciate it.
- There is money for this.
- Trust and steadiness. I can see why this moment is good.
- Hawaii.
- I am fearless and confident, and I do the brave things and give myself sparklepoints, and it is not even a big deal that I did the brave things but I still get sparklepoints, yay.
This week’s ops?
Mostly I am going to be dealing with the Mitten. I may wish to peek at Operation Rewire The Swishes.
I’m playing with…
Trust, fluidity, peacefulness, This Moment Is Right.
Attenzione! AGENTS.
I am deep in an undercover mission to get better at Gracefully Accepting Thanks. Or: Glowing Receptivity and Being Receptive to Glow.
This mission also resolves a question we get from people a lot, which is “I really, really want to thank you, except I’m not going to buy products and I can’t come to a Rally.” And it is also related to Operation Coming Out Of All The Closets, so I can share some experiences from Then where past-me thought her best survival strategy was not-sharing-how-hard-things-are.
If you would like to support my mission by sharing sweetness and appreciation for any aspect of my work, I would love that. You can do it with the magic of words, through the comments, or add something to Barrington’s Discretionary fund. (Explanation!)
And if the way you are glowing appreciation is quietly in your heart, I like that too. It all counts. ♡
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
So. Last week, aka Adaptability, clarity, music…
My wish had to do with adapting to new intel.
And using music.
Music was definitely a big part of this week. I also liked that Agent White sent me daily recommendations.
The smartest thing I seeded last week (that I know of) was I Have All The Support I Need. That really, really, really came through for me this week.
Thank you, writing. Thank you, me who asked.
Keep me company?
You are welcome to drop in with wishes, gwishes, visions, personal ads. Small or large, and in any form you like. There is no right way to do this. Updates on past experiments are welcome too, as is anything sparked for you.
Commenting culture: This is safe space for creative exploration. We ask for what we need. We are on permanent vacation from care-taking and advice-giving. We are here to play.
Let’s throw some things in the pot! And, as always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox
Friday Chicken #283: not sure what’s going on with me and door handles
It is Friday and we are here.
{a breath for Friday}
I just want to say that this week was kind of jinxed, in the way where you hope someone is going to say that Mercury is in retrograde or something like that because WHY LIKE THIS.
What worked?
Well, I got to practice a lot.
A lot.
The great thing about everything going wrong is there is no shortage of opportunities to remember that nothing is wrong and everything is a door.
To smile at all the broken pots.
Code.
Code solved things.
Next time I might…
I don’t know. Take December off? Declare a holiday of my own?
And listen to more music.
Music helped.
A wise thing a dance teacher said this week.
Applicable to everything, so substitute life for “dance”….
“Think of this move not as a move but as part of stream, you’re not doing anything, you’re just heading down the stream.”
That was Jon.
Eight breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
- Solstice. I was so excited about my plans for solstice and then I had the worst day. A breath for that.
- Got locked in a bathroom because the door handle fell off in my hand. And I didn’t have my phone. And then the same thing happened AGAIN in my house, except not in the bathroom. A breath for all the perceptions of [stuck].
- Hurt my leg on the way to dance class when I tripped over a fire hydrant while attempting to avoid a creepy person on the street. Had to go into the mall to clean up my leg. A mall is no place for a Havi, but a mall two days before christmas is the worst. Also the bathroom was full of vomiting children. And I missed my bus. A breath for that whole stupid annoying day.
- Continuation of last week. Hard news, hard decisions, a lot of pain. In the middle of this, the spy who loves me had to disappear for nine days on an important mission. A breath for getting through the hard things.
- Hard news means I am headed to Michigan in a few days, where it gets dark at 3:30 in the afternoon and is just impossibly, ridiculously cold. This will be first winter visit since either 1995 or 1996. A breath for everything related to this.
- All the things need doing, and I do not wish to do any of the things and I am not in fact doing any of them and they are getting more and more urgent by the day, and also: oh so many monsters. A breath for the perception of tightness, in many forms.
- […] A breath for everything that is hard right now.
- Inhale, exhale. Goodbye, mysteries and hard moments of this week.
Eight breaths of good, reassuring, delight-filled.
- Friends. A breath for friends.
- Even though solstice was an unmitigated disaster in pretty much every possible way, I got to spend most of it at the Playground in the company of people I really like. And I got to see the Vicar too. A breath for companionship.
- I got to spend christmas day with three of the amazing women from my 2012 Crossing the Line retreat. Good food, sweet companionship, piles of blankets on the floor, napping by the fireplace. This was the best thing ever and now I want to do this every year. A breath for comfort.
- Everyone is coming together to help me handle the Mitten visit. A breath for support and for treasure.
- Even though I miss the Agent from the Other Agency like crazy, I am so glad that he is on this mission. A breath for people in my life who pay attention to and follow their Next Indicated Steps, who live their lives the way I try to live mine.
- Dance. Beautiful dance. A breath for feeling grounded through movement, a breath for being a gazelle.
- Good food, warm blankets, comfortable clothing. A breath for being safe.
- Everything is going to be okay. It just is. A breath for knowing and remembering.
WHAM BOOM! Operations completed.
Lots of ops.
Mission ###
Operation #&%!%
Operation REDACTED REDACTED
Operation Big Dumb Mitten Phase I
WHAM! BOOM!
Superpowers!
Powers I had this week…
The power of trust, and the power of renaming.
I am the PROPRIETRESS of a magical ballroom. This is its own set of superpowers.
Superpowers I want.
The power of stepping onto the new path with lightness and excitement.
Salve.
The salve of protection.
It is an extra layer of force field. Extra cushion around you.
Everyone who needs to see you can detect your light. Everyone who needs to not know you are there doesn’t register you. You are shielded, and you can feel it.
The only things that can come into your space are qualities, in pure undiluted form, in the exact right amount that you can receive them.
If you are not a salve person (today or in general), you can have this in tea form, pill form, as a bath, whatever works for you. Not only is there enough salve, there are also enough ways to receive it.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
This week’s band via my phone, when I was trying to say gesundheit.
The Grains Heist
I am pretty sure this could also be a movie, probably one I would like to see. They play Memphis blues with a salsa edge. And apparently it’s just one guy…
Attenzione! Attention, AGENTS.
I am deep in an undercover mission to get better at receiving in all forms, or as I’m calling it: Glowing Receptivity and Being Receptive to Glow.
This involves, among other things, acquiring the skill of Gracefully Accepting Thanks.
And it is related to my mission of Coming Out Of All The Closets and sharing, particularly about my personal experiences with not-sharing-how-hard-things-are, when things were actually the hardest.
If you would like to take a part in this and support me on my mission by sharing sweetness and appreciation for any aspect of my work, I would love that. You can do it with the magic of words, through the comments, or add something to Barrington’s Discretionary fund. (Explanation!)
And if the way you are glowing appreciation is quietly in your heart, I like that too. It all counts. ♡
Come play if you like…
Join me in the comments. Some of us share hard and good, some of us say hi, or maybe we’re on silent retreat. My ritual doesn’t have to be your ritual. Whatever works for you. Almost three hundred weeks of this and there still isn’t a right way.
Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We don’t give advice.
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever you like, it’s no big deal. And I am blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers. I love that you are here too.