Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.

♡

What do I want?

To adjust to what is, and go with that.

A couple days ago, I thought I knew exactly what I was doing over the next two weeks. While I wasn’t thrilled with most of it (a lot of work), I had a plan.

All that got thrown into a blender with two big pieces of news. Now I am doing very different things over the next two weeks. And I still need to get the work done. Or find a way for it to get done without me. Or find a way for things to be okay without it getting done.

Adaptability is what is called for here.

Adaptability is also the superpower I most admire in the world, the one that seems the most challenging, and the one I work on the hardest.

There is no strength more impressive (to me) than the ability to go, “Oh, things are like this now? Okay, got it.”

This requires a lot of permission. Permission to feel all the things I am feeling about the fact that everything has changed, permission to not like the change, permission to not-like the not-liking, permission to wish things were different.

And, at the same time, fueled by permission and legitimacy, to jump over to the new path. Hello there, new path. Hello there, feelings about the new path. Hello, new direction. I’m here. Let’s do it.

It is the thing I practice when I’m dancing:

Ah, my body thought you were leading one kind of turn and it’s another kind of turn, now we’re over here, got it, I am releasing expectation, releasing the need to anticipate the next move, I am here.

I want to be able to do this with the New Plans that just showed up. And I want clarity. And music.

What do I want?

A playlist. Accompaniment. Music to make it easier.

What do I want?

Insight. To trust my instincts. To take care of myself. To remember my commitment to my mission, which is always taking care of myself.

One of the new plans involves doing two different highly stressful things that don’t fall into the category of things that take care of me.

So I need to find ways to change those things so that I am still taken care of within them.

Or: I need to find ways to take care of myself while I am in these experiences that don’t support me.

I want to recognize and remember that even though I am not thrilled about either of the experiences, I have also chosen them in order to get something else that is good for me.

What do I want?

Miracles. Perfect simple solutions. Good surprises. And again: music.

Everything is going to be better with music. I feel very strongly about this right now.

Where/how do I want to start?

Permission.

There are a lot of changes. There is a lot going on. It might be hard. That is to be expected. I might not like it. That is okay. I might need to cry a lot. No worries, that is a normal reaction to upheaval.

What are the qualities of my wish?

Peacefulness. Trust. Steadiness. Warmth. Grounding Anchors. Sweetness. Power. Clear seeing.

And the superpowers of I Have All The Support I Need. .

What would help me move forward on this? How am I going to play?

RGW! That’s secret agent code for Refreshing Glass of Water.

Checking in with Agent Em Dee.

Trust spray.

Drawing a crown and a heart on my palm. Thinking: Crown. Heart.

Pandora. Spotify. Secret playlists on the tiniest greenest cutest schmoo-pod.

What is my clue?

Clue: Right now my beloved agent (from the Other Agency) is going through a fairly substantial existential Not-A-Crisis about his vocation.

I had the sudden realization this morning that this is a good thing.

It means he is feeling secure enough about other things — love, relationship, home — that he can now start falling apart about his work.

So maybe… maybe freakouts, breakdowns and crises aren’t signs that something is wrong. They’re signs that something big is going so very right that you finally have room to see the other things that need to change(!).

What if these moments of “what am I doing with my life?!” are good news? What if they are a SIGN that something big is working for you, and now you have the space to see what isn’t working.

This somehow strikes me as super subversive.

This is my clue. Things that seem like they aren’t working are signs about something else that is working. They are a reminder to return to my thank-you heart.

Anything else?

Fold the laundry. I will feel better when the laundry is folded.

If it isn’t working, change the music.

Get in the bath.

Have a good cry.

Nothing is wrong, including having a good cry.

What else do I want?

Seeds planted without explanation, a mix of secret agent code and silent retreat dreams. Things I’m working on, or might be, someday…

• The Salve of Salves.
• The Compass of Signs.
• May Peacefulness Prevail!
• Announcements.
• Everything is getting easier.
• Miracles everywhere.
• Regular dancing gigs at the ballroom, which is also the Spiegelsaal.
• This doesn’t require my input!
• Ha, it’s so perfect that it turned out like this.
• Past me is a GENIUS.
• I have what I need, and I appreciate it.
• There is money for this.
• Trust and steadiness. I can see why this moment is good.
• Hawaii.
• I am fearless and confident, and I do the brave things and give myself sparklepoints, and it is not even a big deal that I did the brave things but I still get sparklepoints, yay.

This week’s ops?

Operation Department of More Magical Voyages, aka The Big Dumb Mitten Visit. Operation Rewire The Swishes.

I’m playing with…

Same as last weeek: DANCING. Breathing. Transitions. Permission.

As well as: The thing I am doing in this moment is useful, even if I don’t know why. And having this thought is useful. And changing what I am doing or how I am doing it is useful. And even feeling hopeless is useful, if I notice that I’m doing it and meet it with compassion.

Attenzione! AGENTS.

I am deep in an undercover mission to get better at Gracefully Accepting Thanks. Or: Glowing Receptivity and Being Receptive to Glow.

This mission also resolves a question we get from people a lot, which is “I really, really want to thank you, except I’m not going to buy products and I can’t come to a Rally.” And it is also related to Operation Coming Out Of All The Closets, so I can share some experiences from Then where past-me thought her best survival strategy was not-sharing-how-hard-things-are.

If you would like to support my mission by sharing sweetness and appreciation for any aspect of my work, I would love that. You can do it with the magic of words, through the comments, or add something to Barrington’s Discretionary fund. (Explanation!)

And if the way you are glowing appreciation is quietly in your heart, I like that too. It all counts. ♡

Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.

So. Last week, aka a new kind of winter…

My wish had to do with having a different relationship with winter. And also strategies for either getting out of bed or being okay with not getting out of bed, or setting up my life so that December is hibernation-friendly.

I was able to slide into a new routine that felt a lot better. And then Agents White & Mueller got me an early birthday present that made it very easy to get out of bed: morning dance classes again! Also feeling slightly better about everything now that the solstice has passed, and the whole christmas deal will be over in a few days.

The smartest thing I seeded last week (that I know of) was Now Is Not Then, and coloring in the coloring book, both of which really helped.

Thank you, writing. Thank you, me who asked.

Keep me company?

You are welcome to drop in with wishes, gwishes, visions, personal ads. Small or large, and in any form you like. There is no right way to do this. Updates on past experiments are welcome too, as is anything sparked for you.

Commenting culture: This is safe space for creative exploration. We ask for what we need. We are on permanent vacation from care-taking and advice-giving. We are here to play.

Let’s throw some things in the pot! And, as always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.

xox