The Fluent Self

What's in the gallery?

We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.

We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**

* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.

** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.

What's in the gallery?

* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.

In my dream I said thank you.

by Havi Brooks | Oct 22, 2013 | my personal practice

I had a dream and in the dream I said thank you.

In the dream Hoppy House was suddenly in Hawaii.

Hoppy House is what I call my house. It was in Hawaii, and it was on the beach, and it had more windows than it normally does but in all other ways was the same, and the view was extraordinary, obviously, because it was on the beach in Hawaii.

In Maui, if you are wondering what flavor of Hawaiian beach.

And somehow even though dream-me knew that Hoppy House was located in Hawaii, on the beach, I had somehow never really paused to take in just how stunningly beautiful my view was.

I stood there, in the kitchen, looking around at my kitchen and at the spectacular beauty right there through the windows, and I said THANK YOU.

Not out loud though.

I didn’t actually say thank you, because I am silent in my dreams, just like in real life.

I felt thank you, and for me feeling is like saying. Since going silent the distinction between those two things has diminished. By a lot.

Not only do I feel and say together, I also say more of what I feel. That is: I say things in my scribbled post-it notes to people in my life — things I truly and deeply [think-feel] — that I would never have said in my speaking life.

Anyway, I felt THANK YOU, breathed THANK YOU and said THANK YOU in my body. It was this intense moment of adoration and contentment, appreciation and peacefulness, gratitude and quieting.

A familiar thank you…

This moment of thankful felt a lot like post-yoga thankful in my room, where the leaves through the window are extra-pretty. Where I suddenly only see the good, I only feel the thankfulness.

In normal waking life I mostly see the things I don’t like in myself, or the things I find challenging, unattractive or unsatisfying about my body or my home…

When I open my eyes after yoga, all I see is things to say THANK YOU for.

My body that is a home for me. Space in my physical home where I can practice. The deep trust that my body and I have built over many challenging years together. The blanket wrapped around my shoulders. The lamp Mary made that I bought from her when I moved into the house five years ago next month.

My whole world is a thank you in that moment.

And then I forget, because forgetting and remembering is the work of life and aliveness.

In the dream.

In the dream, [Agents Mueller and White] came into the kitchen, and they asked me what I was thinking.

I wrote:

Have you ever noticed how outrageous the view is?

They laughed, and said, “Every day. It’s why we’re here, right?”

And that is all I remember from the dream.

The next morning.

The next morning I had five minutes before I had to leave for the bus, and I didn’t do any of the usual things I might have done.

On another day, a day without that dream, I would have done something. It’s not like there is a shortage of somethings. If anything, it seems like there is an endless list of somethings.

Given an extra five minutes, I might pluck some pesky eyebrow hairs or fold some towels or run around looking for my sunglasses or, more likely, check facebook or like photos on instagram.

That’s not a criticism of day-to-day me. These all count as valid somethings, and if I am drawn to them for whatever reason, then that’s the something for that moment.

But on this particular morning, I just sat down, and looked around my dining room.

With my thank-you eyes.

And my thank-you heart.

Not looking the way I normally would, at all the things undone, or cataloguing all the things I wish were different. The mark on the curtains, the ceiling that needs to be repainted, the chairs which are not the sexiest chairs in the world.

On this morning I saw the FEELING of the room: Peacefulness.

I saw the curtains that Richard hung up for me. The truly gorgeous light fixture that the previous owners picked out with love and care. The leaves through the window. The window seat where my uncle Svevo always curls up almost as soon as he arrives, where my friend Anna was reading this weekend.

I said-felt thank-you for all these things, and for other things. The neighbors who are genuinely lovely people. The color of the wood. The clothes hanging on the wooden laundry rack in the hall. The rack itself, a gift from Svevo. The rocking chair, another gift from Svevo.

The bus taking me to where I need to go. The app that lets me store bus tickets on my phone. The things that are sweet and right, where normally I see what is wrong, what hurts, what isn’t.

I won’t always have a thank you.

Partly I am saying this as reassurance for my monsters who are afraid that I will dissolve into a puddle of gratitude and platitudes, until I die an embarrassing death by drowning in my own cheesiness.

Worse than that, they are afraid that I will forget to be alert to very real things that are Not Okay, that I won’t know how to protect myself from harm if all I see is good.

I get that. And while I seriously doubt that I will always be able to find a thank you inside of me, I hope that I will.

I want to look — really look — and see how just beautiful it all is.

Play?

This is that incredibly rare thing (online at least) that is safe space to play, and usual commenting principles apply: We are here to play! We remember that people vary! We take care of ourselves. We do not tell anyone what to do or how to feel. We are on permanent vacation from advice-giving and care-taking.

Ways we could play today:

Saying thank you to and for anything at all! Sparks sparked for you. Experimenting with these ideas in various ways. Joy for my moment of thank you. And flowers, of course. I love flowers.

Love, as always, to the commenter mice, the Beloved Lurkers, and everyone who reads.

Visions #224: popping up everywhere

by Havi Brooks | Oct 21, 2013 | my personal practice

Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.

Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.

I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!

What do I want.

I want pop-up shops in the Ballroom.

I want people to rent out the Red Rose Ballroom for holiday pop-up shops.

Is this really what I want?

I don’t know. Yes and no.

I want fun, creative endeavors. Daytime activities. Things that run zero risk of getting a noise citation from the city. I want a thriving, happy ballroom. And lots of people coming to see it, and maybe they will want to hold their event or class or workshop in the ballroom too!

I want that feeling of POP!

And I want to know that my ballroom is helping. That this space I built is the perfect simple solution for someone else’s problem.

What else do I know about popping?

Snap, crackle, pop! Excitement!

Mushrooms pop up! Good surprises pop up! As does popcorn. Pop-up books pop up, and they are the best.

When popping, what kind of popping is this?

Thriving.

This is about thriving.

It is also about possibility.

And fractal flowers. And ease.

What will help?

Having a talk with Hopeless Me who only sees all the ways everything can go wrong.

Making a safe room for the me who lost the magical bookshop.

Playing with the process this week at Rally (Rally!).

Taking lots of baths. Waiting on decisions. Letting more information reveal itself.

Doing things that POP.

Enjoying things that POP. Including bright fall colors. Crunching leaves. Eating popcorn. Wearing costumes.

And I will talk with my friend Mary about doing a pop-up shop in the Ballroom, since she is losing her shop next week.

Anything else?

This is definitely related to my current bout of Feeling Numb About The Chocolate Shop, which is related to Feeling Numb About Portal Land.

I am also noticing all the moments where I do not feel numb. Like when I think about Mary’s shop.

I feel very passionately about Mary’s shop. Actually, I wish I felt that passion for my chocolate shop.

And I feel very upset about her eviction, and about the way the city is changing.

Also I am noticing that I think that closing the shop will be good for her. So I am feeling upset and hopeful simultaneously, and these are not mutually exclusive.

It is interesting to feel This Is Wrong and also This Is Right at the same time, and to have them both be true.

This is also how I feel about my (proxy!) magical bookshop that I lost. So many tears. But/and: That was a good thing too.

Is there anything I’m not saying that I want to say?

POP! POP! POP! Up! Up! Up!

Popping is a beautiful vision.

I want the Ballroom to thrive. I want it to be filled with aliveness and vitality. I want this quality of vitality to be a reflection of everything in my life.

I want to be a bell of VITALITY and ALIVENESS.

The qualities inside of the wants:

Let’s see.

Possibility. Play. Vitality. Aliveness. Thriving. Delight. Flow. Popping Up.

And the superpower of Suddenly This Is True!

Also I just noticed that popularity, a word that I normally am not drawn to, has POP inside of it.

POP! I would like this for the Ballroom too.

What else do I want….

Some of these are secret agent code or silent retreat. Some are qualities and some are dreams. Some are re-asks and some are pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.

Progress on the ops!
Miracles everywhere.
The ballroom gets bookings left and right, and this is a healing for the Spiegelsaal.
This doesn’t require my input!
Ha, it’s so perfect that it turned out like this.
Past me is a GENIUS.
I have what I need, and I appreciate it.
Hawaii.
The Thanksgiving Rally (RALLY!) gets two more people, and this is right.
I can see why this moment is good.
Trust and steadiness.
Ten weeks of wishes.
A foundation of foundations.

This week’s ops?

This week is all about Operation Beckon — Boring Existential Crisis in the Key of N.

I will also look at the following:

The life of a Chocolatier, part deux
If C is not just for Chocolate, then….
Operation 19-1-75
The MAGIC EIGHT BALL REASONS
Mission: I Have A Vision!

I’m playing with…

Trust. Trust. Trust. Napping. More trust.

Request!

Can you help support our magical Red Rose Ballroom by liking it on Facebook? And spreading the word about the Red Rose Ballroom to anyone you know who might want to run events or programs or parties in Portland?

Announcement!

There are two spots in the Thanksgiving Rally, which is my favorite Rally, and we are offering a crazy deal.

Get on the STANDBY list for Rally (Rally!)

Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.

So. Last week, aka soft of hearing and other impossible possibilities…

I didn’t find a reverse-hearing-aid, but Sarah mentioned hyperacusis, and that was incredibly helpful. It brought up lots of memories of the inner ear infection that messed up my life in so many different ways. And it turned out that having A Demonstrable Medical Thing was enough to convince the monsters that really powerful headphones and pink noise are a reasonable investment.

Though we had to rename headphones because monsters think headphones are Frivolous and Indulgent, so now we have Headspace Protectors. To protect our headspace.

I tried Maryann’s lip thing, and it is Not Horrible (thanks, Maryann!).

And everything else is ticking along. I will let it percolate and see what happens.

Big love to me-of-last-week, as always, for knowing what to ask.

Playing. Shelter for the comments.

What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like. Things sparked for your own process.

I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.

We ask for what we need, and we give each other space and spaciousness for the process.

This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We play.

That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!

As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.

xox

Friday Chicken #273: that might not have been cinnamon

by Havi Brooks | Oct 18, 2013 | updates & announcements

Where I cover the good and the hard in my week, visiting the non-preachy side of ritual and self-reflection.

It is Friday and we are here.

{a breath for Friday}

What worked?

Doing things much sooner/earlier than I normally would.

This is a version of setting it up.

For example, I did entry for a meeting two days before it happened, instead of half an hour before. Good stuff.

Dolly Parton.

I was channelling her anyway this week (which might be related to my secret-project for Rally (Rally!) next week. It’s Rally B of the Alphabet Rallies, and my project has to do with BEACONS AND BOUNDARIES. And BELIEVING.

Dolly Parton is absolutely a beacon for me. She knows about both boundaries and believing. I am playing with this, and it is helping.

And then I came across this, which was so perfect.

Next time I might…

[Something to do with being patient with myself]

The thing these past two years have taught me is this:

Every time I think “oh wow, this is terrible timing”, it actually turns out later to have been just-right timing.

But my default reaction is still impatience with myself. Especially when I’m tired and things aren’t getting done. Or when I miss dance class.

Once I remember that Nothing Is Wrong, I also remember about What If All Timing Is Right Timing (Because It Pretty Much Always Turns Out To Be Later).

And even if that weren’t true, it’s still an opportunity to meet a stressful moment with gentleness, understanding, compassion and quiet whispers of my-love-you-are-okay.

Anyway, I don’t need to solve this right away. Just noticing how much cultural conditioning is in here. How deeply we believe that we are behind, missing out, not ________ enough.

Eight breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.

Being woken up at 4am to have an argument over a misunderstanding. Or really: a misunderstanding over a misunderstanding. A breath for how completely miserable this is.
A severe case of Chocolate Numbness. Proxy! A breath for not feeling and wanting to feel.
My friend Mary is being evicted from her shop. A breath for the huge sadness of this situation, and for all the ways that Portland is no longer the city I fell in love with.
Some people tried to break into my Ballroom a couple nights ago. A breath for safety.
Didn’t make progress on the things I wanted to make progress on. Difficulty focusing. A breath for this.
Cold moved into chest (movement is good!), leaving me in that uncomfortable state where everything is fine… as long as you’re vertical. A breath for needing more sleep.
Big doubt, again, still, more of it. A breath for questioning.
Inhale, exhale. Goodbye, mysteries and hard moments of this week.

Eight breaths of good, reassuring, delight-filled.

Having all the best ideas! A breath for miracles and for welcome surprises.
So unbelievably excited for the class Max is doing on internal explorations of identity, called Into The Closet. Doing lots of prep work on my own. Take this class with me! A breath for the exact right thing just when you need it.
The people who tried to break into my ballroom were foiled by our bad-ass lock. And while we still have to fix the lock, they weren’t able to get in. And they tried. Hard. A breath for security.
I ran into Elizabeth right outside the Playground! A breath for two hugs, and for good surprises.
Audrey and I went to Mary’s shop, and that was full of laughter. A breath for joy.
I missed an appointment I’d been looking forward to, and that turned out to be the exact right thing. A breath for right timing.
While I didn’t get to do any writing this week, I got to do lots of good thinking about the writing. A breath for expansiveness, flow and creative play.
Yoga. Dance. A surprise cha cha. Walking. Movement. Warmth. Heat. Deliciousness. A breath for all forms of being a gazelle.

And thanks, Cherilyn, for the beautiful card. Nothing like an envelope addressed to Dear Havi Brooks to dispel my ludicrous fear of envelopes. Also postcards. There were lots of postcards this week and that was fun.

WHAM BOOM! Operations completed.

The phrase Whoosh Ha Mastodon Boom is secret agent code that means: this thing is done! It is often shortened to wham-boom. You may also shout (or whisper) other joyous words if you like.

♡ ~~Undercover: XXXX~~
♡ ~~Mission: One Sign (ongoing)~~
♡ ~~Operation Green Button~~
♡ ~~Operation Into The Closet, Part deux~~
♡ ~~Operation Boring Existential Crisis In The Key Of N, part deux~~
♡ ~~This week’s Mission I Have A Vision, Pre-emptively~~
♡ ~~Operation End of Safari~~
♡ ~~Mission: Chicken on a Mission With The Dread Piggle Gang~~

WHAM BOOM!

Superpowers!

A superpower I had this week…

The superpower of believing that everything is going to be okay.

And the superpower of knowing that someone else’s Stuff about me is not actually about me at all.

And a superpower I want next week.

The superpower of seeing what needs to be seen, and being okay with it.

Salve.

The salve of reassurance.

This salve is like a wordless reminder that you are okay, that everything is going to be okay.

Or maybe it is better to describe it like this:

It is whatever you need and want to hear or remember in this moment, whispered through your skin.

These salves can’t be seen, but the production factory delivers enough for distribution by way of the magic of the internet, so help yourself. There is enough.

Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!

Background. Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once invented hanging out at the Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.

This week’s band comes to us by way of my head cold, the resulting loss of ability to smell or taste anything, and the fact that at Hoppy House we buy our spices from the bulk section of the co-op, and store them in unlabeled jars.

That Might Not Have Been Cinnamon

They are loud and angry and put on a show that involves many, many costume changes. Also there is a tambourine.

Although, oddly enough, it’s just one guy.

Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. ANNOUNCEMENT.

You guys you guys you guys!

I wand to loudly (for me) recommend the monster coloring book, which solved many problems for me this week.

If you ever wonder, “Hey, how does Havi deal so well with fear?”, the answer is complex. But it involves the coloring book.

Or, the concepts in the manual that comes with the coloring book.

Get the Monster Manual & Coloring Book.

AND. If you know people in Portland and you can help spread the word about our Red Rose Ballroom or help do that on facebook, that would be hugely appreciated!

Come play if you like…

Join me in the comments. Some of us share hard and good, some of us check in with a hi or a ♡, or maybe we’re on silent retreat. My ritual doesn’t have to be your ritual. Whatever works for you. Almost three hundred weeks of this and there still isn’t a right way.

Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We don’t give advice.

Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.

Shabbat shalom.

p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever you like, it’s no big deal. And I am blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers. I love that you are here too.

B is for…

by Havi Brooks | Oct 16, 2013 | stuff I think about

I am thinking of a word and it starts with a B.

Every time I say this, my mind immediately goes to BELIEVE, and from there to Don’t Stop Believin’, and then I’m humming in my head all day….

Just a small town girl / Livin’ in a loooooooooooooonely world

There is a Voyage and it begins with a B.

Hahaha, but since this is a Journey song, the voyage is actually a journey. Even though I do not love the word journey, I do in this context. As a Michigan girl.

Anyway, it is almost Rally (Rally!), my favorite thing in the entire world. And while it is — good heaven — the 27th time I am doing this, as the second Rally in the Alphabet Carousel it is the Rally of B.

And we are getting ready to enter.

Anything can be a voyage. Just like how anything can be a door or a home or a project.

And each voyage or adventure gets to have qualities that define it, inform it, accompany it, infuse it with goodness.

So today I am playing with qualities and superpowers and magic words that begin with a B.

Qualities of the [Voyage that begins with a B] that begin with a B.

Well, some of them. Qualities and magic words.

Beauty
Boldness
Boisterousness
Bountiful
Beach Day!
Bond… Bond. Havi Bell Bond.
Benediction
Beckoning
Beacon
Bending
Bonding
Balance
Bells
Benefactor, Secret
Bliss
Bow and Bow
Beatific
Belonging
Basking
Blossoming
Blooming
Breathing
Blessedness (something about this word makes me kind of itchy but the thing that it means is so beautiful)
Bundles and batches
Betterment
Being
Bearings (and also bears, who have paws)
Buffers!
Bubbles!
Bounteousness
Bigheartedness
Bring into
Bedecked
Birth
Bravery
Bouncing
Beaming
Boundaries (my favorite B-word, of course)

Not to mention the wonderful superpower of Building and Believing. And the superpower of Bells and Bridges.

And other fun B things. Like butterscotch, blocks, bath time, becalmed. Bemusement and bafflement. And balloons. Biscuits! Buttmonsters! And things that are bonafide.

Also my travel agent is an AGENT and her name is Bee. Do you see how perfect this is? It is perfect.

OHMYGOD. I nearly forgot. B is also for Ballroom. I have a Ballroom. I have a Ballroom and it is Breathtaking.

Rallying around the B.

This week is Rally (Rally!), which is my favorite thing in the world.

It is going to be BEAUTIFUL.

I will tell you later (I keep promising this and eventually it will be the exact right moment and it will happen) about some of the specific things that are making these new Rallies extra-beautiful, but for now I am going to bounce around and delight in things that start with B.

I am going to walk under the beams and bells. As Bond Girl. As Havi Bell. As Havi Brooks, since my name is another thing that starts-with-a-B.

Not just that: I am going to BEAM. BEAMING is going to be the secret mission of this Rally. Beaming and Boundaries. Possibly beaming-boundaries. It will be the Blessing. It will be the Basics. I will be Basking in it.

Along with a Badonkadonk of Buttmonsters.

It is just the beginning. Of the week of B, and so many other things.

Play with me. How the commenting blanket fort works!

We can name things that begin with B.

We can enjoy these qualities and magic-words, or add more (addition, another wonderful word that begins with B!) of our own. Bellissima!

If you want to whisper-whoosh any qualities, words or sound effects that appeal to you, go for it. Boom!

If you want to share in any of qualities, you can. They work like the salves in the Friday Chicken: just take some, there is always more.

If you want to throw some superpowers into the pot for Rally, that is welcome.

Waving from the Playground! Whispering loving spells that begin with B and B and B, for myself, and for anyone who wants…

Visions #223: soft of hearing, and other impossible-possibilities

by Havi Brooks | Oct 13, 2013 | my personal practice

Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.

Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.

I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!

What do I want.

So many things, and I do not believe that they are possible.

So really my wish is to believe that they are possible?

Or maybe my wish is to release the monster-rules that say Seemingly Impossible Can’t Be Wished For, and to make space for LEGITIMACY: all wishes are valid.

Maybe both of those things. And maybe the actual wishes themselves.

I am just going to name some of these wishes, and I am going to call them the Impossible Possibilities. Not because they are necessarily impossible (though they feel impossible), but to placate the monsters who want to make sure that I know they are impossible. Yup. I know it. It’s right in the name.

And then I am going to connect to the qualities inside of the wished-for Impossible Possibilities, to see what I can learn.

Wish: A reverse hearing aid!

People who are hard of hearing can wear hearing aids that help them hear better.

I am super-HSP, and I hear too much: everything is too loud for me to the point of being unbearable. I want a hearing aid that makes the world quieter so that I can function in it more easily.

Soft of hearing. The opposite of hard.

Monsters: That’s called ear plugs, you idiot, and you already have them.
Me: Just let me name my wish, please. Remember? We are in the wishing world now.

I want to be able to turn down the sounds around me. Not just with noise-canceling headphones. Not by moving to a tiny farm in Idaho. I want something that makes the world quieter. That’s what I want.

Qualities: Quiet. Steadiness. Comfort. Ableness.

Wish: The Best Lip Things In The World.

I used to have the Best Lip Balm In The World.

It was made by Alchemilla, and it cost what felt like an insane amount of money, but it was so substantially better than any lip balm ever that I didn’t mind. They went out of business with no warning, and now I am panicking.

I also used to have the best lip color in the world, made by Sephora, something in between a gloss and a stain, now discontinued.

I want new lip balm and new lip color and I want them to be AMAZING. Life-changingly amazing, the way my previous ones were.

(You are welcome to leave suggestions in the comments, however I will continue to believe for now that these other things do not hold a candle to my lost lip loves.)

I want to believe that there is something that can replace this perfect-to-me thing.

Qualities: Comfort. Support. Lusciousness. Rightness. Welcome Surprises.

Wish: MIRACLE

This is about the chocolate shop (proxy!), and being an Accidental Chocolatier.

If I must be a chocolatier, I would prefer to make pretty much only one particular type of chocolates. It can come in a variety of flavors but it is a type.

I would like us to be a chocolate shop that has no marzipan, and hardly ever makes pralines. For example. Okay, those aren’t chocolates but pretend that they are because I don’t know how this metaphor works because I don’t eat chocolate because I quit sugar nearly fourteen years ago, and this is partly why I am not that invested in being a chocolatier, but due to [complicated reasons] I have to be a chocolatier for the next year to five years. Exhale.

I am not sure if it is possible to make money as a chocolate shop that is so narrow in its definition of what it wants to sell but this is what I want. I want 90% of our business to be about this hazelnut dark chocolate laced-with-caramel thing that just about everyone ADORES. And I want this to be profitable.

I do not want advice on this. I want to believe that we can be a chocolate shop that does not appear to be a specialty-chocolate shop but actually we make all or most of our money on one particular type of chocolate that is pleasurable for us to make.

Qualities: Enoughness. Resilience. Miracles. Luck. Playfulenss. Expansiveness. Welcome Surprises.

What else do I know about this?

Impossible wishes scare me. But I also kind of like them because something about the impossibility is freeing.

I would like so many impossible things, and I would like them not to be impossible. Like, for people to read contracts.

And here are the questions I want to ask myself:

What impossible things have already come true?
What have I been wrong about (in a good way)?
What if I am wrong right now?
What can I do to get more of these qualities in my life?
What if there are solutions that I can’t see yet?

In my experience, there is always another way. And, in my experience, I am usually not going to notice it and I have to remember that it is there.

Show yourselves, beautiful alternative paths. I am ready.

The qualities inside of the wants:

Last’s weeks work for me!

Possibility. Play. Presence. Pleasure. Plenty. Prosperity. Purpose. Palpable.

And the superpower of Really Good Surprises.

Quelle Surprise!

What might help?

Throwing it all into the pot. Wearing a costume.

More things that starts with an a.

What I want.

Some of these are secret agent code or silent retreat. Some are qualities and some are dreams. Some are re-asks and some are pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.

Progress on the ops!
Miracles everywhere.
The ballroom has its own magic, just like the Spiegelsaal.
This doesn’t require my input!
Ha, it’s so perfect that it turned out like this.
Past me is a GENIUS.
I sleep like the happiest baby.
I have what I need, and I appreciate it.
Hawaii.
People are signing up for Rally (RALLY!), and planning the rallies is super fun and exciting.
I can see why this moment is good.
Trust and steadiness.

This week’s ops?

The life of a Chocolatier, part deux
If C is not just for Chocolate, then….
Operation 19-1-75
The MAGIC EIGHT BALL REASONS
Operation A Loved Little Thing, take 4
Mission: I Have A Vision!
Mission Alimanator
Operation BECKON II (Boring Existential Crisis in the Key of N)

I’m playing with…

Trusting the seeds.

Request!

Announcement!

Do you want to be on the STANDBY list for Rally?

There is a STANDBY list for Rally (Rally!)

If you have the availability to come at the last minute, we occasionally have super deals so get on the list.

Rally B is full, but get on the list so we can sneak you into a November Rally at a VERY discounted rate. Also, I was supposed to miss one of the November Rallies but things moved around, and I will be rallying it up for ALL of them!

Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.

So. Last week, aka yes, I would like to accidentally win some things…

It is hilarious that I asked to accidentally win things. I was thinking about things like marathons. But then I accidentally won a free night at a swanky hotel that day. And I accidentally won an eBay bid. And I accidentally won an understanding. So now I am giggling, and I want to notice more things that I am winning without realizing it.

And, again: big love to me-of-last-week for knowing what to ask.