What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
Visions #223: soft of hearing, and other impossible-possibilities
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
What do I want.
So many things, and I do not believe that they are possible.
So really my wish is to believe that they are possible?
Or maybe my wish is to release the monster-rules that say Seemingly Impossible Can’t Be Wished For, and to make space for LEGITIMACY: all wishes are valid.
Maybe both of those things. And maybe the actual wishes themselves.
I am just going to name some of these wishes, and I am going to call them the Impossible Possibilities. Not because they are necessarily impossible (though they feel impossible), but to placate the monsters who want to make sure that I know they are impossible. Yup. I know it. It’s right in the name.
And then I am going to connect to the qualities inside of the wished-for Impossible Possibilities, to see what I can learn.
Wish: A reverse hearing aid!
People who are hard of hearing can wear hearing aids that help them hear better.
I am super-HSP, and I hear too much: everything is too loud for me to the point of being unbearable. I want a hearing aid that makes the world quieter so that I can function in it more easily.
Soft of hearing. The opposite of hard.
Monsters: That’s called ear plugs, you idiot, and you already have them.
Me: Just let me name my wish, please. Remember? We are in the wishing world now.
I want to be able to turn down the sounds around me. Not just with noise-canceling headphones. Not by moving to a tiny farm in Idaho. I want something that makes the world quieter. That’s what I want.
Qualities: Quiet. Steadiness. Comfort. Ableness.
Wish: The Best Lip Things In The World.
I used to have the Best Lip Balm In The World.
It was made by Alchemilla, and it cost what felt like an insane amount of money, but it was so substantially better than any lip balm ever that I didn’t mind. They went out of business with no warning, and now I am panicking.
I also used to have the best lip color in the world, made by Sephora, something in between a gloss and a stain, now discontinued.
I want new lip balm and new lip color and I want them to be AMAZING. Life-changingly amazing, the way my previous ones were.
(You are welcome to leave suggestions in the comments, however I will continue to believe for now that these other things do not hold a candle to my lost lip loves.)
I want to believe that there is something that can replace this perfect-to-me thing.
Qualities: Comfort. Support. Lusciousness. Rightness. Welcome Surprises.
Wish: MIRACLE
This is about the chocolate shop (proxy!), and being an Accidental Chocolatier.
If I must be a chocolatier, I would prefer to make pretty much only one particular type of chocolates. It can come in a variety of flavors but it is a type.
I would like us to be a chocolate shop that has no marzipan, and hardly ever makes pralines. For example. Okay, those aren’t chocolates but pretend that they are because I don’t know how this metaphor works because I don’t eat chocolate because I quit sugar nearly fourteen years ago, and this is partly why I am not that invested in being a chocolatier, but due to [complicated reasons] I have to be a chocolatier for the next year to five years. Exhale.
I am not sure if it is possible to make money as a chocolate shop that is so narrow in its definition of what it wants to sell but this is what I want. I want 90% of our business to be about this hazelnut dark chocolate laced-with-caramel thing that just about everyone ADORES. And I want this to be profitable.
I do not want advice on this. I want to believe that we can be a chocolate shop that does not appear to be a specialty-chocolate shop but actually we make all or most of our money on one particular type of chocolate that is pleasurable for us to make.
Qualities: Enoughness. Resilience. Miracles. Luck. Playfulenss. Expansiveness. Welcome Surprises.
What else do I know about this?
Impossible wishes scare me. But I also kind of like them because something about the impossibility is freeing.
I would like so many impossible things, and I would like them not to be impossible. Like, for people to read contracts.
And here are the questions I want to ask myself:
- What impossible things have already come true?
- What have I been wrong about (in a good way)?
- What if I am wrong right now?
- What can I do to get more of these qualities in my life?
- What if there are solutions that I can’t see yet?
In my experience, there is always another way. And, in my experience, I am usually not going to notice it and I have to remember that it is there.
Show yourselves, beautiful alternative paths. I am ready.
The qualities inside of the wants:
Last’s weeks work for me!
Possibility. Play. Presence. Pleasure. Plenty. Prosperity. Purpose. Palpable.
And the superpower of Really Good Surprises.
Quelle Surprise!
What might help?
Throwing it all into the pot. Wearing a costume.
More things that starts with an a.
What I want.
Some of these are secret agent code or silent retreat. Some are qualities and some are dreams. Some are re-asks and some are pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.
- Progress on the ops!
- Miracles everywhere.
- The ballroom has its own magic, just like the Spiegelsaal.
- This doesn’t require my input!
- Ha, it’s so perfect that it turned out like this.
- Past me is a GENIUS.
- I sleep like the happiest baby.
- I have what I need, and I appreciate it.
- Hawaii.
- People are signing up for Rally (RALLY!), and planning the rallies is super fun and exciting.
- I can see why this moment is good.
- Trust and steadiness.
This week’s ops?
- The life of a Chocolatier, part deux
- If C is not just for Chocolate, then….
- Operation 19-1-75
- The MAGIC EIGHT BALL REASONS
- Operation A Loved Little Thing, take 4
- Mission: I Have A Vision!
- Mission Alimanator
- Operation BECKON II (Boring Existential Crisis in the Key of N)
I’m playing with…
Trusting the seeds.
Request!
Can you help support our magical Red Rose Ballroom by liking it on Facebook? And spreading the word about the Red Rose Ballroom to anyone you know who might want to run events or programs or parties in Portland?
Announcement!
Do you want to be on the STANDBY list for Rally?
There is a STANDBY list for Rally (Rally!)
If you have the availability to come at the last minute, we occasionally have super deals so get on the list.
Rally B is full, but get on the list so we can sneak you into a November Rally at a VERY discounted rate. Also, I was supposed to miss one of the November Rallies but things moved around, and I will be rallying it up for ALL of them!
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
So. Last week, aka yes, I would like to accidentally win some things…
It is hilarious that I asked to accidentally win things. I was thinking about things like marathons. But then I accidentally won a free night at a swanky hotel that day. And I accidentally won an eBay bid. And I accidentally won an understanding. So now I am giggling, and I want to notice more things that I am winning without realizing it.
And, again: big love to me-of-last-week for knowing what to ask.
Playing. Shelter for the comments.
What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like. Things sparked for your own process.
I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.
We ask for what we need, and we give each other space and spaciousness for the process.
This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We play.
That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!
As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox
Friday Chicken #272: Croquembouche! Excuse me, I have to go embellish a praline, wink wink
It is Friday and we are here.
{a breath for Friday}
What worked?
French.
French helps a lot, I’ve noticed.
I was working on a Chocolaterie-related mission and hating it and hating the analogy. I needed some secret agent code that sounded a little wink-wink possibly-kinda-dirty.
Like: must go EMBELLISH a PRALINE, if you know what I mean…
Somehow from there I decided to just use pastry-related words, since they already sound like code.
Vol-au-vent! Croquembouche! Religieuse! Dacquoise!
With a little Italian thrown in for good measure. Sfogliatelle!
It was the best. I walked around all week going, Vol-au-vent! I am going to go sort out the Croquembouche! I will do this for 30 minutes, more or less, and then some Dacquoise!
I am thinking all of this in the sort of “Zut Alors!” sense of that SNL sketch.
Dressing up.
Nothing like a costume.
In this case, a leopard-print wiggle dress of excellent Italian construction.
I looked absolutely smashing.
Bond Girl got a night out. There was wine. There was mystery. There was a game that no one was watching. It was exactly the right thing.
Next time I might…
Take it easier?
The week after Rally comes with all kinds of integration challenges.
As well as something you could call Formerly Invisible Identity Crises. That is, you already were in an identity crisis about [thing], you just didn’t see it and hahahahaha now you do.
This is a normal part of learning all about what you do want: suddenly all the things that weren’t-and-aren’t working are super apparent. It isn’t necessarily fun. But it’s normal. And it requires some time to fall apart a little.
Anyway, once I remembered this, everything got significantly less hard.
Other things that helped, aside from napping:
- Saying: “This burrito is real“
- The concept of “transactive memory“
- Looking for clews
- “I’ll tell you what people look like, really: they look like flames. Or like the stars, on a clear night in the wilderness.”
Eight breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
- So. Much. Work. A breath for feeling completely overwhelmed.
- Various situations both practical and existential related to the Chocolate shop. A breath for not knowing if this is the path.
- Wishing the chocolate shop was an actual chocolate shop instead of a proxy chocolate shop. A breath for dissatisfaction.
- I have a cold. A breath for transition.
- The sheer number of missions and ops that I’m currently working on and playing with. A breath for this.
- Yoga got pushed aside this week. A breath for needing steadiness and missing the practice.
- Big doubt, again, still. A breath for feeling deeply unsure.
- Inhale, exhale. Goodbye, mysteries and hard moments of this week.
Eight breaths of good, reassuring, delight-filled.
- All the things that happened at Rally (Rally!) last week have been making this week amazing. A breath for miracles and for welcome surprises.
- I signed up for this class that Max is doing called Into The Closet, and I am so excited. It’s almost like it was invented with me in mind. A breath for the exact right thing just when you need it.
- Autumn is here and overnight all the trees went yellow and red. A breath for beauty and the crunching of leaves underfoot.
- Monaco. A breath for being Bond Girl and wearing a sexy Italian dress and loving every minute of it.
- The perfect toast. To something special. A breath for something special.
- Dance class and good instructors. A breath for understanding a thing I didn’t understand before.
- The Treatbook! I wrote a special ebook at Rally for the people in the Year of Emptying and Replenishing, and we were able to send that out. A breath for sharing.
- An EXTRA good this week, because it was so damn good. Thank you, everyone, who shared with me about why I would make a good chocolatier. I cried. In a good way. A breath for being seen.
WHAM BOOM! Operations completed:
Undercover: Trot Trot
Mission: Entry
Operation Ask An Animal Because Why Not
Operation Into The Closet, Part I
Operation Boring Existential Crisis Key Of N
This week’s Mission I Have A Vision, Pre-emptively
Operation Iguanarama Phase II
Mission: The final sending-out of The Brautigan Wing
WHAM BOOM!
Thanks also to Jane, who said — in response to me complaining about how hard something is: “This totally sucks to the power of a really, really high number. The type of number that has to be written down using some sort of weird mathematical notation.”
That helped. So much.
Superpowers!
A superpower I had this week…
The superpowers of Glamour, Boundaries and catching all the right buses.
And a superpower I want next week.
The superpower of everything is just sliding into place.
Salve.
The salve of seeing your strengths.
I thought of this because of all the amazing things people said about why I’d be great at owning a chocolate shop. Why can’t I see these attributes and qualities that everyone else knows I have? That’s what this salve does.
Whatever you are good at, whatever you glow at, whatever beautiful things happen as a result of your you-ness, your suchness….
A dab of this salve, and you begin to get a feeling of this. You remember forgotten skills. You return to things you love. You find pleasure again in all the sweet things. This salve smells like cocoa butter and adoration. It heals blisters. You can put a little behind your ears for sweet dreams.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
This week’s band comes from something I said at the Floop.
Why Can’t You Cancel A Sweater
This is obviously another local band — I think I saw them at Bunk Bar.
And yes. It’s obviously just one guy.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. ANNOUNCEMENT.
You guys you guys you guys!
There is a STANDBY list for Rally (Rally!)
If you have the availability to come at the last minute, we occasionally have deals so get on the list.
Rallies B and C full, but get on the list so we can get you into a November Rally. Also, I was supposed to miss one of the November Rallies but things moved around, and I will be rallying it up for ALL OF THEM, including the Thanksgiving Rally aka Hermitsgiving aka Run Away Rally!
AND. If you know people in Portland and you can help spread the word about our Red Rose Ballroom or help do that on facebook, that would be hugely appreciated!
Come play if you like…
Join me in the comments. Some of us share hard and good, some of us check in with a hi or a ♡, or maybe we’re on silent retreat. My ritual doesn’t have to be your ritual. Whatever works for you. Almost three hundred weeks of this and there still isn’t a right way.
Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We don’t give advice.
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever you like, it’s no big deal. And I am blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers. I love that you are here too.
So I have this chocolate shop…
Ten relevant pieces of information:
1) I am a chocolatier!
2) Or, I suppose, technically speaking, I am a chocolatière. There is just no way to say that in English that doesn’t sound ridiculous. A Lady Chocolate Maker? Oh my.
3) Though, since I do not know if I am the person actually physically making the chocolates, perhaps it is best that we say that I am in possession of a chocolate shop. I have a chocolaterie. Yes, yes I do.
4) This is a metaphor! And a proxy.
The chocolate shop is not actually a chocolate shop.
For our purposes, however, we will imagine that it is.
5) I would happily give you a piece of chocolate right now, if I could. Actually, since it is metaphorical chocolate, I can.
Please partake of these lovely chocolates, if you wish to. I hope you enjoy them.
6) I am an Accidental Chocolatier.
That is: being a chocolatier is not my dream, it is not something I ever planned on doing with my life, and each day I wake up completely astonished to discover that it is in fact what I am doing.
I have found myself with this chocolate shop, and I am trying like crazy to make a go of it, to the best of my abilities.
7) In this scenario, I do not have the option of turning the chocolate shop into something else that would be more in line with things I do want to do with my life (tried that!), nor do I have the option of having someone else run a chocolate shop for me (tried that too).
We are operating under the assumption here that the chocolaterie isn’t going anywhere.
8) This means: I think I need to make peace with being a chocolatier, and/or to become so good at having a chocolate shop that it doesn’t need me around. Either way, it is up to me to figure out how to make the best of this situation.
9) And I need your help with that. I need you to tell me and remind me why it is that I would make a good chocolatier, or why a chocolate shop that was mine would be amazing and special. Because I cannot remember.
10) Fun fact about me! I have not eaten chocolate in nearly fourteen years. Not because I don’t like it. I love it in a way that is kind of dangerous and scary, and it also makes me wackopants-hyper. Actual chocolate. Not metaphorical proxy-chocolate.
Help me out here! What I would like from you, if you’re up for it…
I would love it if you could say some things about why you think I’d make a good chocolatier. Even if you don’t know anything about me other than having read this post.
Yes, it is true that I do not consume chocolate and have zero interest in being a chocolatier. But let’s say these things are true and I’m also still a chocolatier… why am I good at it?
What skills do I bring to it? What is marvelous about my chocolate shop? How is it made better or more special by the fact that it has me at the helm?
Notes and caveats! As follows.
- Even if you think something is such a super obvious observation that it doesn’t need to be observed, tell me anyway! I am way too close to this.
- You can also list any qualities of chocolate or chocolate shops that you think I share.
- I am not looking for suggestions (“have you tried hiring a manager?”). I just want to know why I would make a good chocolate shop owner.
- Even if you happen to know what the [chocolate shop] is, play along and imagine an actual chocolate shop. 🙂
- I don’t want to hear that someone who doesn’t eat chocolate can’t be good at having a chocolate shop. Though if you have thoughts about why this might make me even better at being a chocolatier, I am very open to that!
A big loving heart of thank you.
Thank you, life, for giving me a chocolate shop and for this opportunity to do something I didn’t plan on.
Thank you, life, for giving me something that is going to help me find the good in everything.
Thank you, me-from-two-years-ago, who set this all in motion, for trusting me-now to be able to handle it.
Thank you, incoming-me, who knows why this is good.
Thank you, chocolates, for being beautiful. Thank you, people who love my chocolate shop and want to support it.
Thank you, everyone who can help me figure out why I would be good at having a chocolate shop.
Thank you, commenter mice and Beloved Lurkers. Thank you, everyone who reads.
Visions #222: yes, I would like to accidentally win some things
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
It’s two two two week. Tutu Too week.
Or as I said in the two hundred and twenty second Friday Chicken: Tutus for everyone! Three twos for everyone!
TWO! TWO! TOO!
What do I want.
This concept of Accidentally Winning is blowing my mind right now.
Okay, so this woman accidentally won a marathon.
On the one hand, this is an absolutely ridiculous way to describe an achievement: this woman trained her ass off, and there is nothing accidental about crazy-hard hard work.
On the other hand, the point is: she didn’t intend to run the full marathon. She thought she was running a half-marathon, and had never even done the full run. She won a thing she had never tried. I love this.
I am feeling very excited and inspired by the idea of What If This Thing I’m Doing Turns Into This Other Thing.
Or: What If I Think I’m Doing Great At Y, But Actually I Just Nailed Z, The Thing I Wasn’t Even Working Towards.
This might be the world’s best superpower. In fact, it is the superpower I want for the next Rally, and possibly also for the rest of my life.
I would like to accidentally have amazing accomplishments, while I am purposefully having other amazing accomplishments.
And no, I do not have to define accomplishment, even though my monsters are like, “Accomplish? Really? Hmmmmmm.”
What else do I know about this?
You could not pay me to run. Not even around the block. But I don’t have to run to accidentally win a (metaphorical) marathon!
And here are the questions I want to ask myself:
- What else is like a marathon?
- What does it mean to do something without trying?
- When have I experienced something like this?
- What does this remind me of?
- What are some things I would like to accidentally-achieve?
- How can I do this without pushing? Without the motivational bullshit?
What will help with this?
I think I want to try this on, like a costume.
Because everything is a costume.
I want to wear this idea of accidentally winning.
I want to wrap myself up in the qualities of “I am working really hard towards X but whoa I just totally also got Y”.
I want to breathe in POSSIBILITY. Tingly, sweet anticipation. The glowing sparks of WHAT IF MAYBE YES.
The qualities inside of the wants:
Possibility. Play. Presence. Pleasure. Plenty. Prosperity. Purpose. Palpable.
And the superpower of Really Good Surprises.
Quelle Surprise!
What might help?
Interviewing the me who does things accidentally and also works towards what she wants at the same time.
Purpose and Not-Purpose. Action and Resting. Showing Up and also Napping. Effort and Effortlessness.
At the same time.
Also I would like to note that Accidentally-Winning is something else that starts with an a.
What I want.
Some of these are secret agent code or silent retreat. Some are qualities and some are dreams. Some are re-asks and some are pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.
- Progress on the ops!
- Miracles everywhere.
- The ballroom has its own magic, just like the Spiegelsaal.
- This doesn’t require my input!
- Ha, it’s so perfect that it turned out like this.
- Past me is a GENIUS.
- I sleep like the happiest baby.
- I have what I need, and I appreciate it.
- Hawaii.
- People are signing up for Rally (RALLY!), and planning the rallies is super fun and exciting.
- I can see why this moment is good.
- Trust and steadiness.
This week’s ops?
- The life of a Chocolatier
- Operation Extra-Extra Chocolate Sprinkles
- The MAGIC EIGHT BALL REASONS
- Operation A Loved Little Thing, take 3
- Operation Agent Agent
- Mission: I Have A Vision!
I’m playing with…
Mapping and napping. Dancing it out.
Request!
Can you help support our magical Red Rose Ballroom by liking it on Facebook? And spreading the word about the Red Rose Ballroom to anyone you know who might want to run events or programs or parties in Portland?
Announcement!
Do you want to be on the STANDBY list for Rally?
There is a STANDBY list for Rally (Rally!)
If you have the availability to come at the last minute, we occasionally have super deals so get on the list.
Rally B is full, but get on the list so we can sneak you into a November Rally at a VERY discounted rate. Also, I was supposed to miss one of the November Rallies but things moved around, and I will be rallying it up for ALL of them!
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
So. Last week, aka do I want the thing that I think I want?
Me of last week was so brilliant.
I asked to treat myself the way I want to be treated, which brought me to my quest for ASSERTIVENESS, which was the quality I devoted myself to at Rally (Rally!).
This was nothing less than incredible. I learned so many wonderful things about Assertiveness, including that the word itself secretly contains the words VASTNESS and VASTNESSES. Anagrams, again.
Many forms of vastness, multiple kinds of infinity. Love.
Playing. Shelter for the comments.
What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like. Things sparked for your own process.
I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.
We ask for what we need, and we give each other space and spaciousness for the process.
This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We play.
That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!
As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox
Friday Chicken #271: Roxy all the time
Where I cover the good and the hard in my week, visiting the non-preachy side of ritual and self-reflection.
It is Friday and we are here.
With the glorious (glorrrrrrrrrrrious!) return of the wham boom.
What worked?
Being Roxy.
At Rally (rally!) this week, I decided my name was Roxanne. So everyone called me Roxy. I was also Roxy while not physically at Rally. I was Roxy all the time.
It turns out the Roxy is Assertive Me.
It also turns out that Roxy is completely different from me (in ways other than being assertive), and that was fun.
Roxy had us chop three inches off our hair, and now we look like Kelly McGillis in Top Gun.
Roxy wanted her nails painted and it had to happen right that minute. She didn’t have time for me to turn over all the bottles and read the names. I like the name of the color to mean something to me. Roxy wanted a rich and sparkling copper and didn’t even look to see what it was called.
Roxy turned a long tank top into a dress. She wore horizontal stripes (red and white), and long necklaces. She didn’t want to use any of my music for the Compelling Spirals at Rally. She wanted Maneater by Hall and Oates. And hip hop. Of course she did.
Roxy pointed out why all the [things that are not working] are not working. It’s because I am trying to placate people and give them what I think they want, instead of figuring out what I want. Roxy wants me to start acting like I care about what I want.
Being Roxy was the best.
Schmooey anagrams.
Schmoonagrams!
I had all this typing up to do and didn’t want to do it.
Here is the cutest-ever anagram for Typing It Up:
Tiny Pug Tip.
A google image search for Tiny Pug Tip revealed a wall of sweetness. Every time I had to type a thing up, I looked at these pictures and went SCHMOO SCHMOO SCHMOO because these are the cutest little schmoos ever.
I really don’t mind doing a little Tiny Pug Tip. That is so much more fun than [Typing It Up].
Being a spy.
Wearing the shirt that says RIDE and features a bicycle (even though I don’t have a bicycle), and carrying a camera bag that doesn’t have a camera in it (I don’t have a camera either). I was in disguise in disguise in disguise…
Next time I might…
Ask the important question. Roxy’s question.
I did lots of things I didn’t want this week, mostly because I thought I should, or I assumed I would want it and didn’t check in to see if I actually did in that moment.
What do I want?
This needs to be the first question. Roxy thinks it’s the only question. What do I want?
Even if I can’t immediately act on it. At least I know. And I will also know what the qualities are, so that I can bring them to the things I don’t want that I am doing anyway.
Patience.
Even though this is my twenty-fifth or twenty-sixth Rally, I still forget how it takes over my life.
I expect myself to still be able to do things like …laundry. But it doesn’t work that way.
Forgiveness and patience. Less blame. Less expectation. More acknowledging that Rally is a big wonderful shaking-up-of-everything, and should be treated as such.
Eight breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
- The dance class I took that was supposedly for Absolute Beginners, which turned out to mean “people who have had years of formal training in dance but maybe not with this particular method”. A breath for Outsider Complex and the distress of not being sure what to do or how to do it.
- Gathering. Lots of being around people or in groups of people. Not at Rally, this totally works for me at Rally. Other situations. A breath for being a highly sensitive person who has trouble in gatherings.
- Learning how to be assertive. A breath for bravery and for the pain of regret.
- The headache that would not go away all week. A breath for dealing with heavy things.
- The massive pile I’ve been avoiding for six months, and the fear of iguanas hiding within. A breath for this.
- There was not a lot of room (in all the meanings of that word) for yoga this week, and this was hard on both my body and my mental state. A breath for remembering that it’s all yoga.
- Big doubt about being The Reluctant Chocolatier. Knowing there has to be another option but not being able to figure out what it is. A breath for feeling deeply unsure.
- Inhale, exhale. Goodbye, mysteries and hard moments of this week.
Eight breaths of good, reassuring, delight-filled.
- The dance class I took (while very much not for Absolute Beginners) reaffirmed my love of dance, play, creativity and aliveness. I liked pretending to be a radiant sun. I still do not know what the instruction “feel the movement of your spine in the skin of your ears” means, and I am not sure about my hilariously experimental post-modern pirouettes, but I feel good about taking my body to play. A breath for delight and play, and for remembering that Outsider Complex is a distortion that separates me from other people, who are all experiencing the same distortion in their own ways.
- My wonderful uncle Svevo spent the weekend with me, and while I didn’t get to spend nearly as much time with him as I wanted to, it was so beautiful having him there. A breath of joyful appreciation.
- While I am not a fan of gathering, I got to gather with all my favorite people. A breath for companionship and love.
- Rally!!! Rally is so damn great. A breath for magic.
- All the amazing things that happened at Rally! The giant pile that I’ve been avoiding for six months got taken care of in less than a day! Huge realizations. Problem-solving. Laughter. Everything is good again. A breath for miracles.
- Being Roxy. Discovering these aspects of me that I did not know about. Also I was Assertive (the intention I set for Rally) in dealing with an Encroacher, and it worked. Their encroachment plans were FOILED, and I stood up for myself, and I do not even know how to explain what a big deal this is. A breath of appreciation and delight .
- Being loved. A breath for that.
- Thanks to something that happened at Rally, I am no longer upset about a thing I have been upset about for nearly two years. A breath for releasing.
WHAM BOOM! Operations completed:
The phrase Whoosh Ha Mastodon Boom is secret agent code that means: this thing is done! It is often shortened to wham-boom. You may also shout (or whisper) other joyous words if you like.
Undercover: The Great ReBorking
Mission: Songs of the Sea
Operation A of A
Orientation Agent Agent
List of Things That Used Be Done By Havi That Now Anyone Can Do
This week’s Mission I Have A Vision, Pre-emptively
Operation Iguanarama
The Richard Brautigan Wing of Fascinating Scraps in the Museum of Bells
WHAM BOOM!
Superpowers!
A superpower I had this week…
The superpowers of Persistence, Curiosity, wearing horizontal stripes, knowing what I wanted.
Also the superpower of nachos.
And a superpower I want next week.
The superpower of having brilliant ideas and recognizing them. The superpower of starting from what I want instead of hoping that I maybe eventually end up there at some point.
Salve.
The salve of quietly radiating your power.
It is like an internal hum that is also a sun. Not just solar plexus but the entire torso, the entire core, radiating out to the extremities. And this sun radiates whatever it is you crave. For example: Assertiveness, in my case. Or Sweetness or Comfort or Spaciousness or Shelter or whatever it is you need.
Then you are a radiant sun of that quality, so that it is there for you when you need it. Instead of contracting and contracting because of [life-stuff]. You radiate first, before you need it.
This salve starts that process. It smells like a minty tea. It is slightly warm to the touch. It glows.
These salves can’t be seen, but the production factory delivers enough for distribution by way of the magic of the internet, so help yourself. There is enough.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
Background. Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once invented hanging out at the Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
This week’s band is via Richard:
Mustache Alignment Problems
This is obviously a local band — they make Portlandian noise.
And yes. It’s just one guy.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. ANNOUNCEMENT.
You guys you guys you guys!
There is a STANDBY list for Rally (Rally!)
If you have the availability to come at the last minute, we occasionally have deals so get on the list.
Rally B is full, but get on the list so we can sneak you into a November Rally. Also, I was supposed to miss one of the November Rallies but things moved around, and I will be rallying it up for all of them!
AND. If you know people in Portland and you can help spread the word about our Red Rose Ballroom or help do that on facebook, that would be hugely appreciated!
That’s it for me …
Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!
We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.