The Fluent Self

What's in the gallery?

We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.

We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**

* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.

** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.

What's in the gallery?

* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.

Friday Chicken #268: but secretly a princess

by Havi Brooks | Sep 13, 2013 | updates & announcements

Where I cover the good and the hard in my week, visiting the non-preachy side of ritual and self-reflection.

Operation Jewel Star is still in full effect. Highest level of internal security clearance activated. In my head.

All that to say: it makes sense (to me) that I am secretly a princess because right now I am secretly a lot of things. And this weekend I am returning from two weeks at the Vicarage, and I feel conflicted about this.

It is Friday. Let us check in with our week. I miss you guys.

What worked?

Breakfast!

As my brother and I like to say, it’s the three most important meals of the day.

And planning ahead.

Next time I might…

Have a new book on my phone for the transition day. Or some special stones to skip. A plan.

Eight breaths of hard, challenging and mysterious.

Really missing my fellow agents on this solo mission. Monsieur LeBlanc, Agent Mueller, The Lovely Em Dee. A breath for wanting a hug.
Adjusting. A breath for, again, transitions and adaptation.
“It’s familiar but it is different”. The most uncanny sensation. A breath for now is not then but part of me wants it to be then.
Wanting things that I can’t do for a while and wishing I could do them now and feeling impatient. A breath for where I’m at.
The pace of change does not always fit the form that is meant to contain the change. Trying to prepare for an important internal process is like buying clothes for toddlers. A breath for rapidly cycling through big internal shifts.
I am getting used to having time to myself, and I don’t want this quiet time to end. Thinking about how to navigate this. A breath for wanting what I want, and the fear that I won’t get it.
Expectations. A breath for releasing them. Mine, of course. And also everyone else’s.
Inhale, exhale. Goodbye, mysteries and hard moments of this week.

Eight breaths of good, reassuring, delight-filled.

Getting to surprise a friend. A breath for delight.
Aaaaahhhh back to feeling like a queen (but secretly a princess). A breath for a successful mission run in a sovereign and harmonious way.
Operation switcheroo was easier than I thought it would be. A breath for ease.
View. Horizon. A breath for perspective.
Writing and stone skipping. A breath for doing what I love this week. Because I’m not at work! And the wish that soon I’ll get to do this at work too.
Feeling radiantly alive and in my element. A breath for possibility.
Expansiveness. A breath for hope, and for the loosening of blocks.
(Being quietly present with my heart)

Superpowers!

A superpower I had this week…

Being a bell.

And a superpower I want next week.

Not caring what anyone thinks!

Salve.

The salve of those two superpowers combined!

When you put it on, you are resonant with the things you want to be resonant with. You ring the bell of peacefulness and you are peacefulness. And also you don’t care what anyone thinks. Because you’re a bell.

These salves can’t be seen, but the production factory delivers enough for distribution by way of the magic of the internet, so help yourself. There is enough.

Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!

Background. Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once invented hanging out at the Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.

This week’s band is called:

Walling The Hits

And yes. It’s just one guy.

Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. ANNOUNCEMENT.

You guys you guys you guys!

There are a few open spots left for individual Alphabet Carousel Rallies.

You can come to ONE RALLY.
There is also an option to bundle TWO rallies at a discount, or THREE at even more of a discount.

Or get a pass to come to AS MANY RALLIES AS YOU WANT. It’s a pretty great deal.

IMPORTANT 🙂
IF you are in the Floop and signing up for just one Rally, log-in to the Floop and use the Secret Benefits page for Floop discount. If you’re in the Floop and want more than one Rally, use the Rally page because there is no combining discounts and that’s the better deal. 🙂

That’s it for me …

Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!

We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).

Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.

Shabbat shalom.

p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.

Visions #218: Turning and Returning.

by Havi Brooks | Sep 8, 2013 | my personal practice

Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.

Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.

I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!

Operation Turning and Returning

The situation. And background.

The ten days between Rosh HaShana and Yom Kipur are for t’shuva.

Turning. Returning. And also: answer.

I am thinking about themes of things coming back around, and coming around in new ways. Of returning to truth and things that are truth for me. Of returning to my bell essence.

Letting things reconfigure and come into right relationship. The qualities of Harmony and Congruence. The superpower of everything falls into place in a new way, and I can let this happen, and this is good.

What else do I know about Turning and Returning?

Giving back things that are not mine (other people’s projections, desires, expectations, energy!)
Not doing things that are Not My Job, aka not trying to take responsibility for other people’s reactions and responses.
Any moment can be an entry or a door.
Things can turn out differently than you think.
Stones come and they go. It is the way of stones. When a stone has served its purpose, it floats away down the river. The thing to do in this situation is trust that the next stone will come to you. Even when you want to cry, “Oh stone, come back, I need you, you are my only stone!”
Sometimes stones come back.
Now is not then. Now is new.
Emptying and Replenishing are secret twins of Turning and Returning.
“If you want things to change, you have to first give yourself what you need.”
It is related to the Shiva aka the superpower of taking things apart and letting them reconfigure, and of course also related to the Compelling Spirals, aka the thing formerly known as The Thing Formerly Known As.

Anything else?

Living on silent retreat has changed everything I do and how I do it, and this is also true for Turning and Returning.

Anything else?

I don’t have to know anything about this mission in order to embark on it.

I don’t have to do anything in order to be on it.

Setting the wish here and naming the qualities is enough.

This is part of the new way of things. Less doing and solving. More intention.

What I want.

To enjoy. To trust. To breathe. To turn and return. Return everything that is not mine. Return to all the parts of me.

To trust in the fractal flowers.

The qualities inside of the wants:

Same compass as last week:

Replenishing. Play. Presence. Pleasure. Plenty. Radiance. Receptivity. Resonance.

And the superpower of Everything That Is Mine Returns To Me.

What might help?

Talking to Incoming Me about turning into, which is what we do together.

What I want.

Some of these are secret agent code or silent retreat. Some are qualities and some are dreams. Some are re-asks and some are pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.

Sweet blissful steadiness.
Miracles everywhere.
The ballroom has its own magic, just like the Spiegelsaal.
This doesn’t require my input!
Ha, it’s so perfect that it turned out like this.
Past me is a GENIUS.
Newness. Vitality. Sustenance. Peacefulness.
I have what I need, and I appreciate it.
Hawaii.
Next year’s Rallies fill up by themselves even though I’m not around to tell people about them!
I can see why this moment is good.
The superpower of pausing to breathe.

I’m playing with…

Mapping and napping.

Announcement!

A few openings left for upcoming Rallies. You can also get a great deal on a set of either two or three Rallies. They are going to be amazing, and I can’t wait to play with you at Rally.

See the new Rally page for details!

Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.

So. Last week, aka Operation Jewel Star….

Silent retreat on this one for now.

Playing. Shelter for the comments.

What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like. Things sparked for your own process.

I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.

We ask for what we need, and we give each other space and spaciousness for the process.

This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We play.

That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!

As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.

xox

Friday Chicken #267: there are gems in here too

by Havi Brooks | Sep 6, 2013 | updates & announcements

Where I cover the good and the hard in my week, visiting the non-preachy side of ritual and self-reflection.

What worked?

The clue was jewel. Perfect for Bond girl’s diamond caper!

I let things be jewels.

I wore my necklace and my invisible jeweled crown.

My toenails are red and sparkly. Ten jewels. I found the word WELL (both meanings) hiding inside of jewel, and that was a jewel too.

Also this makes me think of my high school driver’s ed teacher — the aptly named Mr. Carr — and how he once gave me a gift that was a moment of rescuing. He lent me a book, and he said “there are gems in here”, and he was right. Jewels.

Next time I might…

Trust more. Talk to monsters. Conduct. Entry.

Eight breaths of hard, challenging and mysterious.

Adjusting to new things. A breath for releasing expectation and adjusting to What Is. Remembering that this can be hard.
The rush to get here, no transition time. A breath for craving spaciousness and buffers.
Something about space again, that claustrophobic feeling. A loving breath for the parts of me who have habitual ways of reacting to perceived tightness.
Doubting myself. A breath for this.
Noticing stuff I have about embarrassment, and about fear of loss, and how these are and aren’t related. A breath for noticing.
Too much to do, still. A breath for this.
Still haven’t found a way to celebrate the chagim that works well for me. A breath for wanting things to change.
Inhale, exhale. Goodbye, mysteries and hard moments of this week.

Eight breaths of good, reassuring, delight-filled.

Getting away! Just in time too. A breath for freedom and right timing.
Spaciousness. A breath for expanding into.
A new kind of adventure keeps me on my toes. A breath for new beginnings!
Tashlich at the ocean. A breath for sweet release.
Silent retreat. A breath for the superpower of not everything requires a response.
Writing. A breath for giving myself the thing that feeds me.
Sunset. A breath for beauty and presence.
Compass meditation. The compass for Operation Jewel Star is my favorite compass yet. A breath for transformations.

Superpowers!

A superpower I had this week…

The superpower of “Okay, it’s an adventure!”

And a superpower I want next week.

I flow with everything AND I find secret hideaway bolt holes.

Salve.

This week’s salve is a serenity-contentment-secretsmile blend.

It is exactly what it sounds like. Pretty great.

These salves can’t be seen, but the production factory delivers enough for distribution by way of the magic of the internet, so help yourself. There is enough.

Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!

Background. Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once invented hanging out at the Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.

This week’s band is from Vanessa:

Profit Police

They sound a little bit like the Clash. Except as it turns out, it’s just one guy.

Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. ANNOUNCEMENT.

You guys you guys you guys!

There are a few open spots in individual Alphabet Carousel Rallies.

You can come to ONE RALLY.
There is also an option to bundle TWO rallies at a discount, or THREE at even more of a discount.

All the details are on the new Rally page!

That’s it for me …

Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!

We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).

Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.

Shabbat shalom.

p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.

Visions #217: Operation Jewel Star

by Havi Brooks | Sep 1, 2013 | my personal practice

Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.

Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.

I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!

Operation Jewel Star

The situation. And background.

Operation Jewel Star is two weeks that I am taking for myself for the purposes of replenishing, resting and writing.

This scares me a bit, for a variety of reasons, including:

There is so much to be done right now.
I am so completely overcooked.
The monster collective knows that when I return I will not put up with working the way I have been working this summer.

What else do I know about Operation Jewel Star?

That word purpose is important. It has a purpose, a very specific reason for being, and everything that doesn’t fit with that purpose isn’t going to work.

That’s why I lost my notes for the project. Operation Jewel Star doesn’t want that project.

Here is what Operation Jewel Star is for, Havi Bell:

emergency replenishing
get back to being a bell
believe in your heart that the above two (interrelated!) items of replenishing and bell-ness are both the point and the way, not what you are working towards eventually having, or what you get to do when you’re done.
become a jewel and a star (that is: become friends with the qualities of jewels and stars)
get to know Kishufit (the newest Incoming Havi who just showed up this week, and integrate her superpowers
smell things and enjoy scent in various forms
naps as portalbridges to healing
be an ally of spaces
make things easier for you (hint: first you need to believe this is okay)
to experience this as the Last Time you take time like this because you are at your edge, from now on you take this time because it feeds you!

Anything else?

There are clues everywhere, so get quiet (quieter!) and pay attention.

Nothing is wrong.

Be flexible.

Play.

Anything else?

Yes, I want to add a thing about Kishufit.

If you speak Hebrew, you’re probably thinking: “Kishufit? She sounds a little witchy!”, and now we have to giggle because that is a pun. A little witchy! Actually, that’s not how she spells it (ha, spells, another pun), but yes: she is a little witchy. Just the tiniest bit.

So I am going to do Ever So Slightly Witchy things during these two weeks, and I don’t know what they are, but it will be playful and probably involve lots of Gwish Scripting, which is a thing I have taught at Rally.

And I will whisper-breathe my favorite sentence: All Doors Open For Me. This sentence is extra-fun if you are in an airport or somewhere with automatic doors, because then you laugh every time it comes true.

What I want.

To take PLEASURE in this time I am taking for myself. That verb. So hot. Taking. Pleasure.

To trust in the fractal flowers. Somehow, some way, the work things that need to get done while I’m gone REJOICE over hopefulness and possibility.

To take beautiful deep breaths of APPRECIATION. For me from last week who pulled so many strings to make this happen for me-now. For incoming me and all the incoming Havi Bells who love me and are waiting for me to find my way to them.

Right now I am also feeling overwhelming appreciation and gratitude for the thoughtful, creative, good-hearted people that have come into my world through having this website.

I hope you know how full of love my heart is for all of you, everyone who reads and everyone who is a part of this in any shape and form. This space is exquisitely safe, steady and miraculous, and that is not just because of me, it is because of the people who come here and how they are when they are here.

So I want to stay connected to that sense of grounded appreciation and trust.

The qualities inside of the wants:

Replenishing. Play. Presence. Pleasure. Plenty. Radiance. Receptivity. Resonance.

And the superpowers of all the flowers bloom in the right way at the right time because that is how flowers work, and I am able to appreciate each bloom and the timing of it all.

What might help?

Talking to Kishufit. Interviewing her. Skipping stones.

Being Lady Bond. Bringing the glamour. And the secret holiness of glamour.

Operation Jewel Star is sparkling. Let’s fill up on sparkliness.

This reminds me of a breathing exercise I used to do with Tal in Tel Aviv when we were both trying to quit smoking. Sparkling glowing shiny breath, filling us up with sparkle. Sparklebreath.

Yes. Eight breaths of sparkle-breathing.

What I want.

Some of these are secret agent code or silent retreat. Some are qualities and some are dreams. Some are re-asks and some are pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.

Sweet blissful steadiness.
Miracles everywhere.
The ballroom has its own magic, just like the Spiegelsaal.
This doesn’t require my input!
Ha, it’s so perfect that it turned out like this.
Past me is a GENIUS.
Tashlich.
Sustenance.
A beautiful Rosh HaShana that is exactly what I need. Wishing a chag sameach and shana tova u’metuka to everyone here. May it be a sweet, healthy, happy new year.
Newness. Vitality. Sustenance. Peacefulness.
I have what I need, and I appreciate it.
Hawaii.
Next year’s Rallies fill up by themselves even though I’m not around to tell people about them!
I can see why this moment is good.
The superpower of pausing to breathe.

I’m playing with…

Mapping and napping.

Announcement!

We have a few openings for individual Rallies this year. You can also get a great deal on a set of either two or three Rallies. They are going to be amazing, and I can’t wait to play with you at Rally.

See the new Rally page for details!

Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.

So. Last week, aka If X is Possible….

Super interesting. I actually took two steps towards figuring out if Z is possible (the one thing that is not-at-all working).

And I made these two weeks of replenishing-running-away time happen, something I did not at all believe was possible in any way at all.

A number of other unlikely things happened this week, including a bunch of unexpected changes in Hoppy House and with the ballroom, changes that feel exciting.

Huh. Silent retreat on the rest for now.

Playing. Shelter for the comments.

What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like. Things sparked for your own process.

I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.

We ask for what we need, and we give each other space and spaciousness for the process.

This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We play.

That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!

As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.

xox

Friday Chicken #266: Nike Creche

by Havi Brooks | Aug 30, 2013 | updates & announcements

Where I cover the good and the hard in my week, visiting the non-preachy side of ritual and self-reflection.

Friday. Friday. For the 266th time in a row, it is catching me by surprise.

That is the way of things, it seems.

What worked?

Anagrams! As secret code!

This week I had a million-trillion missions to accomplish, and all of them were getting on my nerves.

I was too cranky to metaphor-mouse them, but they had to be renamed because otherwise just looking at my list made me want to cry. And you know how much I like secret agent code.

Anagram-generators saved my week.

Deal with credit card? Didactic Drawl Three. Architect Raw Diddle. Cheddar Wildcat Rite! I am feeling annoyed? That’s A Daemon Feeling Yin! Or possibly: A Enamel Finned Yogi…

Operation Rallying Page became Operation A Largely Ping!
Operation Rallying FAQ? Operation Flagrantly Eh Qi!
Operation Encroacher Fury became Operation Currency Hear!
Operation Hail Kaiser became Operation A Rakish Lei!
Operation The Pod became Operation O! Depth!
Operation Chickeneer became Operation Nike Creche!

Nike as in: goddess of victory. So great.

Team Avoidance.

Marisa and Richard and I were Team Avoidance, and our battlecry was “avoidy-avoidy!”

We worship the Ultimate Venn Diagram of Team Avoidance.

Looking at this, rereading the first comment and thinking “avoidy-avoidy!” weirdly helped me get more done. A lot more.

Next time I might…

Give myself more permission and understanding about how hard things are.

Silent retreat on that.

Eight breaths of hard, challenging and mysterious.

Timing. Deadlines. Having to finish things. A breath for dealing with pressure.
Fellow agent in his stuff. A breath for being present with pain and your own pain in response.
Recovering from Bend. A breath for when the thing that is supposed to be replenishing doesn’t do the job.
Lost my wallet. A breath for the last straw of a lot of straws.
Raging hormonal messiness. A breath for body stuff.
Big changes. A breath for things reconfiguring.
Wednesday. Falling apart in the biggest, biggest way. A breath for grief
Inhale, exhale. Goodbye, mysteries and hard moments of this week.

Eight breaths of good, reassuring, delight-filled.

Actual Beach Day. With Danielle. For her birthday. Even though it rained the entire time and I lost my wallet. Beach Day with Danielle! A breath for sharing.
While I was falling apart, I had friends to stroke my hair and bring me tissues and say GOOD LORD OF COURSE YOU ARE FALLING APART WHO WOULDN’T BE, which is always important. A breath for comfort.
The most gorgeous necklace ever, a handmade gift from Sami. I am wearing it right now. A breath for beauty that is healing.
Marisa is back! Marisa is back! Marisa is back! A breath for love.
Sweetness and more sweetness at the Agency. A breath for adoration.
I said yes to a scary-wonderful wish, and it is happening. A breath for what I really want..
A gift from Austin that was the exact right thing in the exact right moment. He sang to my ballroom. It’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday. Which is so true. And my ballroom loves to be sung to. This confirmed for me that singing is the right answer. As long as my ballroom is sung to, all will be fine, and I can let people sing to it in different forms. These might not be the forms I’d envisioned, and this is okay. Even if I cried. This is right. A breath for receiving this with my whole heart.
For the first time in 22 months since I said yes to the ballroom, some pieces of good news related to the ballroom. A breath for movement.

Superpowers!

A superpower I had this week…

I had the superpower of trusting play.

And a superpower I want next week.

The superpower of trusting myself.

Salve.

This week’s salve is the salve of anagrams: it infuses everything with playfulness.

These salves can’t be seen, but the production factory delivers enough for distribution by way of the magic of the internet, so help yourself. There is enough.

Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!

Background. Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once invented hanging out at the Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.

This week’s band is also my favorite anagram for rallying page:

Parlaying Gel

And yes. It’s just one guy.

Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. ANNOUNCEMENT.

You guys you guys you guys!

There are now open spots in individual Alphabet Carousel Rallies.

You can come to ONE RALLY.
There is also an option to bundle TWO rallies at a discount, or THREE at even more of a discount.
And if you’re thinking “oh crap I wish I’d signed up for the whole Carousel of As Many Rallies As I Want when it was still the super low price”… take advantage of 3 Days Of Amnesty where you can secretly still get that lower price (through Sunday).

To activate the amnesty pricing, write to the First Mate and use the code phrase Chandelier Amnesia (you can pretend it’s a band), and he’ll sneak you in at the old price, which is half of what it is now.

There aren’t a ton of openings at individual Rallies, because the people in the full Carousel have priority, but we can make this work. All the details are on the new Rally page!

That’s it for me …

Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!

We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).

Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.

Shabbat shalom.

p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.

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