What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
Friday Chicken #241: oh right that kind of plane
Where I cover the good and the hard in my week, visiting the non-preachy side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
I wish to report that I took a two-hour nap EVERY SINGLE DAY THIS WEEK.
That’s basically the chicken. 🙂
What worked?
Silent retreat, still, again.
My god I love silent retreat.
Coming up with secret agent code for airplane mode on the phone.
AIR = Accessing Internal Resonance.
Plane = shutting down external input and interference from the outside plane so that I can access my internal plane. The plane of Havi Bell humming her secret hum. PLANE is also: Plenty. Light. Adventure. Newness. Effervescence.
Air/plane mode! With an 8-letter compass.
I feel good about this. And it made it so much easier to shut down the phone. Because why would I not want to access internal resonance? Yay.
Thank you everyone for the wonderful suggestions you made last week! Loved all of them, and they sent me on the right track. xo
Asking for reminders.
Trusting my instincts.
Next time I might…
Remember the superpower of Yay Regrets!
This is a superpower that I came to, somewhat circuitously, by way of my friends Max and Jeff, who do not know each other and should.
But basically it’s kind of like this:
Ahahahahahaaaaa I just made a terrible decision of hilariously terrible proportions and observed myself making it! So now it is therefore actually kind of a great decision, because look at this moment right now!
This will be the last time I consciously choose something like this that is so obviously not supportive of the good of me. So yay. And each time I choose not-this = yay. And also yay because I am noticing this. And also yay for everything that I am doing to interact with the already-decided decision and shift my relationship to it.
Anyway, this superpower worked great for me this week, once I remembered it. I want this one at the top of the bag where I can just reach for it.
Let the compass decide.
Every time I stopped trying to “make” decisions and just got quiet, everything was simple.
I want to remember this. More of this.
Things I found challenging.
- Making a guilt-based should-based decision that resulted in days of exhaustion.
- Oh the monsters.
- All the socialize. I do not like the socialize. Too Much Socialize. Serious suffering from Too Much Socialize sydrome. But mainly from ignoring the fact that I have it and trying to “act like a normal person” who likes being around people. The phrase “act like a normal person” courtesy of my monsters, obviously.
- Huge falling apart brought on by the Too Much Socialize. And specifically, Too Much Socialize in ways that is especially not conducive to Happy Havi. It took three days to recover from one not-aligned-with-what-I-wanted decision.
- Getting stood up. Twice.
- Well, experiencing that as my reality and using that as my vocabulary. Thinking that I was being stood up, and that this is even a thing.
- Growlsome! Thanks to my playmate for the word. I had a growlsome mood!
- Realizing how much information I had about what isn’t working, not able to see the information about what is. Leading to a visit from a gaggle of What’s The Point and Everything In Your Life Is Wrong monsters.
- Super creepy guy at the grocery store.
- Someone else’s exhausting and pointless drama. Getting involved in it before realizing what I was doing.
- The house needs new windows and to be painted.
- Internal misunderstandings.
Things I delighted in.
- I’m finding even more holes in the work systems and patch-patch-patch this is actually fun.
- Secret agent code got all the errands done. The Wall is Green. Repeat. The Wall is Green. Secret Serum X. Talk to Q.
- Mini-fake-beach-day with Danielle!
- Spring! Seeing the sky from the bedroom again. Light in the evening. Crocuses everywhere.
- Sweet and intense (and intensely sweet) time with someone close to my heart.
- Undoing the chrysalis and turning it into an 8 day compass-labyrinth that starts after my birthday instead of before.
- So much napping! So much playtime! So much writing! So many flowers.
- The most wonderful birthday ever.
- You know how much I love flowers, right? Of course you do. Also: my proxy mission at Crossing the Line (and therefore also secretly my mission for the entire year and maybe my life) was discovering how/why flowers make everything better. So imagine my astonishment and delight when I came home Thursday and there were gorgeous flower deliveries waiting for me.
- Thank you for the flowers, Rebecca and Andy and my beloved Hiro and also my parents, who get thanked for the flowers and for giving birth to me. And for the cheekbones. Well done. These are great cheekbones.
- Thank you [Floop!] for the phrase Happy Haviday. And thank you, Nick, for the phrase Feliz Havidad!
- The kind of socialize that is FUN and that I like, and that doesn’t wear me out. Beer and hilarity with my wonderful cousin Noah. Agent K taking me to see Thao and the Get Down Stay Down at the Doug Fir. One on one. Real conversation. Silent retreat. No pressure. Laughter and understanding. Playfulness! This is what Havi likes.
- Still hugely happy about successfully training adored housemate to add the word soccer to the phrase “I have some bad news”. Some bad SOCCER news.
- All the not-terrible [SOCCER] news. Like the first match of the season not being the disaster it looked like it was going to be. Like Diego Valeri, my god. Seriously, this goal. Oh, happiness.
- Everything about Stompopolis! Everything about the Floop!
- A healing from Wally that was out of this world.
- Surprise birthday candles at the pub. Thank you, Replacement Agent E, for setting that up and for standing in for my missing dining companion.
- I wasn’t stood up! I stood myself up by forgetting to say yes to an invitation. And also it is not being stood up, it is receiving a key to a secret door, and letting both key and door be whatever I need. Thank you, monster coloring book, for helping me resolve this.
- Speaking of monsters and how the coloring book and manual are magic, my Your Life Is A Disaster Look At Your Life monster revealed itself to be a collection of “we just want you to love your life” worries.
- And then I remembered that all this monster-ing happens every year on the day before my birthday! Which is why I like to plan for it with chrysalis. So then the whole mini-existential-crisis felt embarrassed for being predictable and fizzled, and we giggled about that.
- My playmate: “Havi Bell is not even one year old so I think we should be sweet and understanding.” Aw.
- Once all the pre-birthday monstering dissolved, I felt fantastic.
- The internal scientists have determined that my general Life Contentment is up by at least a million percent from last year. My five biggest life challenges that I was dealing with a year ago have actually all been resolved. That is amazing. My five current big life challenges are actually, shockingly, kind of no big deal compared with what I was dealing with a year ago. Huh.
Superpowers!
A superpower I had this week…
This Is Right. I Just Don’t Know How Yet. And I don’t need to know. Boom.
And a superpower I want next week.
Building in extra time for entry as a matter of course.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
Background. Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once invented hanging out at the Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
I so wanted this week’s band to be Hither and Yawn, but apparently that has been done. Not by a band, but still.
Luckily I am pleased to present you with:
Shower Cap On The Moose.
Thank you, Ez.
Though, of course, it’s really just one guy.
Confidential to M.
I love you and I love your magical silent retreat treasure chest that arrived exactly on my birthday. I laughed and clapped like a tiny child who just caught a glimpse of a fairy. I loved each thing more than the next, and I especially loved that it was a metaphor and we both knew it was a metaphor, and how often does that happen?! This is a Havi whose heart is overflowing with delight. <3
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
If you have already been to a Rally, I have a lovely surprise for you coming up.
If you’re in Portland The Younger (the one in Oregon), come to Stompopolis and do some pop-ins!
Other than that, I recommend the class on TIME.
That’s it for me …
Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!
We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
Visions #191: Two x life. Two x LIFE!
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
About this week’s wishes.
These are all birthday wishes.
Not birthday-wishes in the sense of things I want for the coming year, or for my birthday this week (Thursday), but wishes about how I want to mark this.
The day of my birthday also happens to be the birthday of my business. Seven years officially, and eight since the day the spark was sparked in my heart.
And this is not any birthday.
This is 36. Which is double-life. Two times life!
Hai in Hebrew means living or life. It’s the same word that my name comes from. And in gematriya, 18 adds up to LIFE. All multiples of 18 are considered special and kind of … charged.
This also happens to be the theme that chose me at Crossing the Line to take through 2013: the qualities of Vitality, Aliveness, taking exquisite pleasure and delight in the wonder of being alive. Taste, touch, color, texture, breath, all of it.
So here I am. The year of double-life. That’s what I’m thinking about.
Thing 1: Conundrum solved: now to set it up.
Here’s what I want:
So Bond Girl (incoming me) solved a conundrum in the most wonderful way.
The conundrum was this:
Here is a thing about being a Havi. Havis like to celebrate. They like joyful celebration! Well, this one does.
Except! Havi does not like being social. Not even slightly social. Havi likes to hide and retreat and be away from people. Havi is happiest when turning inward. And being around more than one other person (maybe two) needs to be avoided.
(Other than at Rally! Which is different.)
So how can I celebrate and still not get overwhelmed? That was the question.
Bond Girl solved it. Speaking of Rally (Rally!), she solved it while I was at Rally, because Rally is amazing and solutions just kind of show up.
So I know exactly what I want. It’s just a matter of implementing it. And it’s going to need to spread out over a couple of months…
The qualities inside of the want:
Playfulness. Glamour. Surprise. Delight. Spaciousness. Mystery. Pleasure. Passage.
And the superpowers of radiant glowing boundaries, Extreme Sexy Confidence, knowing that there is time, and filling up on peacefulness.
Ways this might work:
I got the name of the just-right accomplice/photographer from Rhiannon.
Now I need to figure out when, where, who and how.
But that’s something I could do during the thing that is not a chrysalis but like a chrysalis.
Also I know Kyle is super into this crazy plan, so maybe I can enlist him to help me plan it? Or to listen encouragingly and drink beer while I plan it?
I’m playing with…
There is time. There is time. There is time. I want this, and it’s going to happen, and there is time.
Thing 2: What is like a chrysalis but not a chrysalis?
Here’s what I want:
Last year I took a week off and had birthday chrysalis at my favorite place in Portal Land.
This year, for a variety of reasons, that isn’t an option.
So I want something that is like a chrysalis but not a chrysalis.
It needs to have the qualities of chrysalis and also involve Time In.
(Time In is what I call “time off”, because my monsters disapprove of time-off but they worry when I get overwhelmed. So we compromised. Time In is turning inward and giving myself replenishing time to make sure that I don’t get fried. And it doesn’t sound like vacation, which they think is extravagant and decadent…)
The qualities inside of the want:
Pausing. Replenishing. Presence. Shelter. Quiet. Peacefulness. Sweetness. Flow.
And the superpower of taking exquisite care of myself. And enjoying that, feeling pleased about it.
Ways this might work:
When I asked myself “what is like a chrysalis but not a chrysalis”, what I got in response was the word labyrinth.
A labyrinth.
So if I set up my week like a labyrinth, there could be pieces of turning inward everywhere that I cycle through.
Wally on Monday. Rebecca on Toozday. Pool. Water. Horizon. Like that.
I’m playing with…
Maybe tomorrow at Fake Beach Day I can work out what this might look like, what the elements are.
The main thing is that I need to let my housemate know that home is a chrysalis zone, and that I am on a time-out from talking about work stuff.
Thing 3: The 36 mish’alot.
Here’s what I want:
Mish’alot are wishes.
And I am making 36 of them.
Last year on my birthday I made three impossible wishes, and they all came true. It took them a while. They slid in at the end. But they are here.
This year: 36.
The qualities inside of the want:
Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love.
Eight different kinds of love.
And the superpower of Trusting That From Now On All Timing Is Right Timing.
Ways this might work:
This needs to happen at the bar.
I’m playing with…
Wishing.
Thing 4: Hamsas.
Here’s what I want:
Tiny hamsas everywhere.
Like the one we have at the Playground. It’s by Adina Plastelina and it looks like this.
I want more of these, in different colors, in my office and at Stompopolis, and this feels really important and I don’t know why.
Not even sure what this ask is about yet. Just putting it here because it feels like it is related to this year of being vitally alive and committing to that.
The qualities inside of the want:
Beauty. Remembering. Trust. Courage. Protection. Quiet. Nest. Treasure.
And the superpower of letting things get taken care of.
Ways this might work:
Not sure yet.
I’m playing with…
Letting myself want the want without needing to know more about it yet.
Thing 5: The secret hat of double-life.
Here’s what I want:
[silent retreat]
This one needs to be silent retreated.
And, interestingly, it is also related to my experience of my first Thirty Six Days of Silent Retreat.
The qualities inside of the want:
Presence. Warmth. Pleasure. Welcoming. Community. Delight. Vitality Aliveness.
And the superpowers of Celebration through Steadiness, Sweetness through Grace.
Ways this might work:
By getting as quiet as possible.
I’m playing with…
What is quiet than whispering? Softer than humming?
That. Radiating and resonating.
Noticings about the things I want this week…
Man, shelter is a really big deal to me right now.
Not that this should be surprising, because it isn’t. Just really noticing that.
Bonus wishes, please!
Some of these are secret agent code and some of them are things I’m silent retreat-ing on. Some are qualities that will help. And some are almost pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.
- The secret and belated mishloach manot to be actually delivered in addition to existing. I forgot to emphasize that part of it!
- Costumes for Bond Girl.
- Taking out the part that doesn’t need me right now.
- Red Rose Missive.
- Moving the Marigold Mission to postcard.
- Being a surfer.
- What are the best earbuds? Who knows about this? (Suggestions welcome!)
- Renaming airplane mode. Ship mode? Silent retreat mode?
- Dipping dipping dipping dipping.
- Peacefulness.
I’m playing with…
Trust. Listening. Paying attention. Not speaking, and letting the not speaking solve everything for me.
To life, as they say.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I wanted to talk to Bond Girl, and I’ve been doing a lot of that.
Operation Watch This, Baby (aka watch this, comma, baby) is still in progress. The good news is that I am far less worried about this than I was before.
Operation Dock Deck Five was a huge success.
Sparking the sparks about Stompopolis is also still in progress. Thank you everyone who liked us on Facebook and followed on Twitter and Instagram (Stompstagram!).
I think what I want next is for people who have been to Stompopolis or want to visit to write about it online in some form, yes. 36 Things: happened. As did: Winning At Pants. In more ways than one….
The rest I am re-planting for this week as well.
Renamed chicken parts for congruence: done! About page: updated.
Playing. Shelter for the comments.
What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like. Things sparked for your own process.
I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.
We ask for what we need, and we give each other space and spaciousness for the process.
This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We play.
That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!
As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox
Friday Chicken #240: A little green bead.
Where I cover the good and the hard in my week, visiting the non-preachy side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
I am exhausted.
But it’s the happy kind of exhausted.
What worked?
Silent retreat.
Seriously. It solves all the things.
Keeping the phone in airplane mode.
It’s like silent retreat for your phone!
Except I don’t like that phrase, so I will have to rename it.
Ship mode?
The point is, less interference. This was good.
Asking for reminders.
And then finding that they were already there.
Next time I might…
Pre-birthday planning.
It sneaks up on me.
Even when I plan to not let it sneak up on me!
So maybe planning isn’t the right word. Hmm.
Anyway, here I am a week before it happens, and I haven’t made space for my chrysalis.
Putting a little green bead here as a reminder.
And also whispering: Havi Bell. My love. All timing is right timing. And this — especially this — is right timing. This is going to turn out to be exactly right. And all you have to do is breathe and remember: Nothing Is Wrong.
Conduct even more!
I conducted like crazy this week. But you know what?
More conducting, please.
Things I found challenging.
- Deadlines.
- Missing a nap.
- Everyone is in town! I want to see everyone!
- Disappearing stone.
- On Sunday I walked all the way to my favorite place to lay with a project and take a nap, only to be driven away by the loudest car alarm ever.
- On Toozday, I took a cab all the way across town to go to a workshop, only to find that I couldn’t get into the building.
- Running into someone else’s scarcity monsters, reflecting back at me.
- Someone else’s Ludicrous Fear Popcorn triggering my Ludicrous Fear Popcorn. Having to remember that all fear is both legitimate and also slightly ridiculous.
- Two weeks in a row of no Fake Beach Day. Saddest face ever.
- Oh dear lord the amount of time and effort it took to get the Floop ready to go, even though we had prepped everything months ago. Unbelievable.
- Achy head
- Boundaries.
- Working on boundaries.
Things I delighted in.
- I’m finding all the systems holes and this is good!
- Thanks for the redirection! Both times that I went to the place that was not the right place, I ended up at an even better place. So it all worked out. Of course.
- Sweet joyful time with my playmate. Especially a long lazy Saturday morning.
- All the flowers.
- Mystery bagels with Taylor on Monday and Thursday.
- The stone returned.
- The best kind of surprises.
- (Thank you, Rudi, for planting the superpower of Good Surprises at Rally last week, I had nothing but good surprises this week!)
- A very calm, very quiet slightly-adventurous adventure with Galen, a good person to have a very calm adventure with.
- Successfully training beloved housemate to add the word soccer to the phrase “I have some bad news”. Yes. Some bad SOCCER news. Thank god. This has reduced the anxiety in my life by oh, let’s see, one hundred percent.
- New verb for standing watch at Stompopolis! Watering the watch.
- Stompopolis! Everything about Stompopolis! My dream of all Rally all the time: it is a reality at Stompopolis.
- Flirting outrageously without speaking.
- Remembering the two most important things in life: Shit Is Not About Me. And also, the corollary to that: Shit Is Also Not About Them.
- Awesome bout Friday where my Guns N Rollers kicked ass and also I got to sit with people I love watching other people I love do the thing I love. Wow.
- Fun people to play with.
- Marisa
- Foxy Jess! And the amazing tiniest-schmoo-schmoo-schmoo books she found for Stompopolis.
- Being Bond Girl.
- Oh, man. I got so much done this week!
- Dancing my ass off..
- Bond Girl solved my birthday conundrum.
- Tiniest-schmoo neighbor is now totally talking all the time and actually said, “Good morning, Havi! How are you?”. Admittedly at the prompting of his mama, but still. Neato.
- The 2013 Floop set sail away yesterday. EMBARKING.
- The Year of Emptying and Replenishing also set sail yesterday. I am so thrilled about both of these marvelous adventures!
- Boundaries. Are the best. Glowing radiant boundaries.
- I feel happy and peaceful.
WHAM BOOM! Operations completed this week:
The phrase Whoosh Ha Mastodon Boom is secret agent code that means: this op is done, baby! It is often shortened to WHAM boom.
Operation WATCH HEART Wham boom!
Mission Winning At Pants Wham boom!
Operation High Fives And High Tens Wham boom!
And so many other ops. I can’t even remember them all. This was a big week.
Whoosh Ha Mastadon Boom! Wham Boom! Wham Boom!
You may also shout (or whisper) other joyous words if you like.
Superpowers!
A superpower I had this week…
Knowing that whatever I chose, it would be fine.
And a superpower I want next week.
More of the same please.
And also a dose of Smiling The Just Right Smile.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
Background. Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once invented hanging out at the Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
This week’s band:
Triple Bork Diamond
Thank you, Mr. Von Wink. Aka Kyle.
Though, of course, it’s really just one guy.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
If you have already been to a Rally, I have a lovely surprise for you coming up.
If you’re in Portland The Younger (the one in Oregon), come to Stompopolis and do some pop-ins!
Other than that, I recommend the class on TIME.
That’s it for me …
Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!
We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
Visions #190: Come as you are, commas.
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
Thing 1: Talk to Bond Girl.
Here’s what I want:
Bond girl is my alter-ego and also my new proxy for everything. How would I do thing if I were a Bond girl?
Talking to Bond girl solved all the challenges with reintegrating into daily life after my two weeks of Extra-Silent Radio Silence Silent Retreat at the Vicarage.
And being Bond girl also delivered some exceptionally marvelous (and hilarious) epiphanies last week at Rally (Rally!).
I want to talk to her. Specifically: about how all the missions appear to be equally vital and time-sensitive!
Because right now it seems like there are at least a dozen Important Things that all need my attention and need it now.
(According to the latest and consistently-consistent monster-count, there are seventeen billion Important Things.)
What do I do, Bond Girl?
The qualities inside of the want:
Curiosity. Receptivity. Connection. Internal support. Trust. Faith. Play.
And the superpower of Willingness to Be Surprised.
Ways this might work:
Well, Bond Girl will know if I talk to her.
She will know how this is okay, and how it is all actually right timing even (especially!) when it doesn’t look like right timing.
She will know about fractal flowers and surprising ways it can work. And what can be dropped. She’ll know where to start and how not to get overwhelmed. She will remind me about how to stay in a state of joyful, loving focus.
So really it’s just a matter of getting the time gremlins onboard with taking the time to talk to her. As a form of conscious entry.
I can ask my Internal Scientists to pull out the very compelling data they’ve collected about how the quality of my work improves the more I turn inward first.
I’m playing with…
Patience. Being curious. Asking questions. Dressing like Bond girl, because: costume.
Remembering and calling on the secret Vicarage-superpower of quietly trusting (with a smile and a shrug) that All Timing Is Right Timing.
Thing 2: Operation Watch This, Baby.
Here’s what I want:
There is a situation that currently appears to be a challenge. A big one.
Note: This is not at all the same thing as Watch This Baby. Commas are important!
Except it isn’t really a big challenge because Bond girl is very clear that this is actually not only Not A Disaster but really the best thing ever. Apparently I will be thrilled a few months from now about how this fell apart, so I might as well get on board now.
In the meantime, I need a perfect simple solution please so that neither I nor the First Mate get depleted and exhausted.
The qualities inside of the want:
Spaciousness. Calm. Support. Community. Play. Welcoming.
And all the superpowers of fairy godmothers and frequent flyers.
Ways this might work:
Maybe there is a way that the Frequent Sail-er/Sailor Rewards & Treasures voyage could be activated here too. Interesting…
I can bring this up with the Knights of the Blue Table. I can bring it to the Red Rose Missive and Wednesday’s secret agent session with Our Man In Marin.
And of course, I can keep talking to Bond Girl.
I’m playing with…
Right now, in this moment of silent-retreat-induced peacefulness, I really and truly believe that a solution is going to reveal itself.
So I want to hold on to that feeling.
And if it disappears and I forget, I will go to the conducting vault and conduct some more peacefulness.
And if I forget about that, then I will cry and take a bath or have a nap, and it will be okay.
Thing 3: Operation Dock Deck Five.
Here’s what I want:
I’m going to take a silent retreat on this one.
The qualities inside of the want:
Readiness. Willingness. Sailing. Integrity. Celebration. Joyful delight. Embarking. Humming. Glowing. Radiance. Resonance. Steadiness. Calm. Anticipation. Warmth. Waving from shore.
The superpower of Wait This Could Be Fun If I Let It.
Ways this might work:
You know how on a ship it’s all maintenance all the time? Something is always being fixed, painted, refinished.
Well, someone sat down and came up with a schedule for that.
Also I think we could use some Heinzelmaenchen.
I’m playing with…
Trust, trust and more trust.
Planting the wish that this will be both easier and more fun than I’m imagining.
Can this happen on Toozday? I hope so. Let’s find out!
Thing 4: Sparking the sparks! Vocal excitement about Stompopolis!
Here’s what I want:
Now that Stompopolis has reached her sailing speed and is operating, fully functional, stopping in ports, opened to new mice…
I want people to play with!
And I want joyful excited whispering and note-passing about ohmygod Stompopolis and how this is the most spectacularly magical and extraordinary place in the world. Because it is.
The qualities inside of the want:
Celebration. Discovery. Channels. Joyfulness. Receptivity. Playfulness. Peacefulness. Dance. Doors. Opening. Flowering. Anticipation. Emergence. Expectancy. Sparks. Twinkling.
And the superpowers of being a speakeasy and All The Right People Find Us In All The Right Ways.
Ways this might work:
I would love it if you guys would follow and play with Stompopolis on Facebook and Stompy Twitter and adore our pictures on Instagram (Stompstagram!).
I want PDX-ers and people who live around Portland (the Younger) to get pop-in passes and play, and for far-away Friends of Playground to arrange secret visits.
I want excitement and hopefulness and secret happy whispers.
What else? I could talk to Hope and Dana. I could bring this to the Knights Of The Blue Table. I can play with this at the Floop when the Floop sets sail. Yay Floop!
I’m playing with…
Holding this spark in my hand. Smiling at it because it is so beautiful and now is the time.
Noticings about the things I want this week…
Receptivity is big. Playfulness, unsurprisingly.
And it’s all about releasing attachment to the way I think things should be happening, and let the way that they are happening be okay. Or: change course if I want to. But I’m changing course because I know that everything is good, not because I’m scared or distracted.
Bonus wishes, please!
Some of these are secret agent code and some of them are things I’m silent retreat-ing on. Some are qualities that will help. And some are almost pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.
- Mission: Belated Mishloach Manot.
- Mission: the Red Rose Missive.
- Clews about a certain bathrobe.
- Hush Hush Hat.
- 16 sets of Sunday clews. V is a clew!
- Winning At Pants (is it…just one guy? Hahaha. Chicken joke.)
- Renaming parts of chickens for extra-congruence.
- Operation 6 Week Wonder.
- 36 things you may or may not know…
- A bag with someone else’s name on it.
- Clew mat for Rally…interesting.
- Joyful re-entry!
- Update the about page.
- Hermes of the winged feet.
- Loving-focus and good surprises.
- The Grand Vicarage Chicken Revue. And also reporting back on VPAs.
- Another verb for standing watch? Let’s ask the Officer of the Watch.
- This is right. This is right. This is right.
I’m playing with…
Trust, trust and more trust.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I wanted a hot date with Incoming Me, and boy did Rally ever provide that. It was smoking hot. Then I wanted ease-filled transitions, totally happened.
Also I wanted Rally #24 to be amazing. Hahahahahaha. Rally is always amazing. This one was somehow especially so.
And I wanted the superpower of Joyful Presence. Got it. This was a remarkably good week for wishes, apparently. Or maybe I’m just getting better at figuring out what I want. That is also a possibility.
Playing. Shelter for the comments.
What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like. Things sparked for your own process.
I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.
We ask for what we need, and we give each other space and spaciousness for the process.
This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We play.
That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!
As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox
Friday Chicken #239: all hail the Swedish Chef
Where I cover the good and the hard in my week, visiting the non-preachy side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
Oh, man. So much to chicken!
Between re-integrating into daily life after my two weeks of Vicarage, and the wonderful week that was Rally (Rally!) #24…
Well, a lot happened. Internally, at least. I feel happy, peaceful and bubbly, all at the same time. Okay, chicken-chicken-chicken. It is good to be back.
What worked?
This is right.
This is what the superpower I brought back with me from the Vicarage.
Missed bus? Stubbed toe? Terrible mood? Just fell on my ass? Nothing Is Wrong. This is really and truly okay. Not only that, but in this moment, just right now… maybe, possibly, This Is Right.
It’s taken eight years of training plus another week of negotiating with monsters to get to a point where this could work for me. But it’s working.
Silent retreat, again, still. YES.
It is blowing my mind how silent retreat just solves all the problems.
Bork Bork Bork.
B.O.R.K. = The Book of Rally Keys. Bork Bork Bork!
Which I wrote the day before Rally. It made everything better.
Bork Bork Bork is also how the Swedish Chef ends his muppet-ey songs.
It can also a language setting option in video games.
And Bork Bork Bork, the bad-ass blocker for the Windy City Rollers, is someone Havi accidentally sort of ate breakfast with once.
Also it may just be the most fun thing to say ever. Borkborkbork!
Next time I might…
More entry.
Yes, even more than that.
Whenever I start with entry, everything goes marvelously. It is easy to remember that This Is Right, because it so obviously Right.
Whenever I convince myself that there’s no time, I have to employ a lot of intentional remembering that This Is Right.
(Note: this is also right!)
Take the nap as soon as it calls to me.
Mmmm.
Do it like a Bond Girl would.
Best proxy ever.
The hard.
- Got way overloaded the first night back from Vicarage because I wanted to tell R everything, and the thing with living on silent retreat is that post-it note descriptions of things take forever!
- Oh, internet.
- Internet is overwhelming and addictive. I didn’t miss it at all for 15 days and then whoosh, right back in. Pressing for pellets.
- An uncomfortable thing that I deeply dislike that hasn’t happened in years suddenly happened again, unexpectedly, in a situation where there wasn’t much I could do about. Flooded with memories from Then.
- A moment of worry leading to a moment of Rattled.
- Misunderstanding with playmate.
- Adjusting
- Recalibrating.
- Working in the evening.
- There is a lot going on in my life and business right now, and I think I say that a lot, and this needs to change, but in a good way.
- Operation Bork Bork Bork was a gigantic and unanticipated project, and meant I did not get nearly as much rest as I would have liked.
- Knowing what I want.
The good.
- Side effect of This Is Right: This week I was outrageously calm about everything.
- The uncomfortable thing that I dislike that reminded me of Then didn’t trigger me the way it used to. This is the fastest I have ever remembered that Now Is Not Then!
- The superpower of Not Being Impressed By Stuff Going Wrong (and realizing that it’s really just Stuff Appearing To Go Wrong. I had this superpower and it is the best.
- I made a wish that the misunderstanding dissolve in love, and it dissolved in love. Beautifully.
- Unexpectedly having the superpower of Everything Is Significantly Better Than I’d Expected. Like outdoor restrooms actually being really nice. Like the TSA people at the airport treating me with warmth, kindness and respect. And that whole process being so easy that I forgot to be in my stuff and go through trauma and pain from Then. I know, what?!?
- Stopping in (city) on my way back from the Vicarage and having lunch with my beloved Colleen. She is a sign-painter and friends with a monkey!
- Visiting a magical place with sun, skies, sea, grass and a bell (all my favorite things) with Colleen the Signmaker.
- “Honk if you love sanctuary!” The 1st in my new line of bumper stickers that promote loud disruptive acknowledgment of peacefulness and how wonderful it is.
- Hammock-napping at Stompopolis! The best.
- Someone I love has been clean for a whole year. A YEAR.
- Operation Bork Bork Bork made every single thing about Rally better, and I am feeling enormously pleased with myself for having pulled it off.
- All the useful things you learn when your life is on silent retreat.
- Everyone being wonderfully accepting and supportive about the gigantic surprise I brought home with me from the Vicarage.
- Flowers, everywhere! A house filled with flowers.
- Secret Flowers. Seekrit flowers! Even better.
- An unexpectedly sweet homecoming reunion with my playmate.
- My first Valentine since 4th grade!
- Being a Bond Girl. WIth a little help from Kyle.
- Morocco. As a proxy. And then Dublin, possibly not as a proxy.
- The superpower of Outstanding Public Transportation Alignment. Making all the right buses, missing all the right buses and going for all the right walks in the park instead. This Is Right.
- Noticing all the things that are working instead of everything that is incongruent
- Sweet loving reunion with the Playground! We twinkled at each other, it invited me to conduct, and then it beckoned and we played. It was incredible.
- Side effect of the Vicarage: feeling intense overwhelming appreciation and gratitude pretty much all the time. And liking it.
- Writing a vulnerable apology letter to someone I love, and saying: This Is Right. And it was.
- Rally! Rally! Every single thing about Rally. Every single person at Rally. Having the time of my life at Rally.
- Fake French Accent Sound Effect nautical and shivanautical spiraling multi-dimensional multi-axis compassing and encompassing. Honk honk!
- Lunch with Anna. Going to play at Stompopolis and running into Foxy Jess!
- A quiet, happy, loving heart. Humming away.
WHAM BOOM! Operations completed this week:
The phrase Whoosh Ha Mastodon Boom is secret agent code that means: this op is done, baby! It is often shortened to WHAM boom.
Operation POSTCARDS Wham boom!
Operation INTERVIEW A BOND GIRL Wham boom!
Operation ALL THE FLOWERS Wham boom!
Operation KIWI SLEEP Wham boom!
Operation PORTALS Wham boom!
Operation BORK BORK BORK Wham boom!
Whoosh Ha Mastodon Boom! Wham Boom! Wham Boom!
You may also shout (or whisper) other joyous words if you like.
Superpowers!
A superpower I had this week…
So many superpowers! I especially liked the superpower of finding beauty everywhere. This was amazing.
I also had the superpower of knowing that stuff resolves itself. Each time I had a worry about something (“What about X?!”), I remembered: Oh right. It will resolve itself. And then it did!
Yes. And then it did.
And a superpower I want next week.
The superpower of Land Ho! Seeing land way before arriving, knowing that the good things are coming before they are obviously visible. Land Ho!
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
Background. Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once invented hanging out at the Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
This week’s band comes via Molly, with a nod and a wink to the other wonderful people at Rally.
Sex And The Trade Winds
I guess they’re a surf band?
Though, of course, it’s really just one guy.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
I’m going to recommend the monster manual & coloring book.
Because I never would have gotten to half the good things of this week without knowing how to gracefully navigate monster conversations.
That’s it for me …
Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!
We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.