What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
Visions #186: Bell Time
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
Thing 1: Delight-filled passaging.
Here’s what I want:
I’m about to leave for two weeks at the VICARAGE, two entire weeks without phone or internet or anything to do.
This will be the first time since starting the business that I’m taking real time for myself. No agenda and no plan. And — here’s the thing — as an intentional practice instead of the way I used to end up with time “off”: usually because I’m falling apart or this close to a massive breakdown. Me and time, we’re going to hang out.
Except… well, I’m pretty sure that the second I land in the VICARAGE all will be lovely. It’s the part about getting to the Vicarage that I’m a little worried about.
So this is partly an ask about conscious entry and passage. And partly about releasing the worry or learning more about it so I can talk to it.
I want for the entire passage there to feel sparkly and intentional: I am here, I am ready, I am committed to this, I am finding clews and things to delight in.
The qualities inside of the want:
The eight qualities of V.I.C.A.R.A.G.E., of course: Vitality, Internal, Compass, Alignment, Resetting, Accessing, Glow, Energized.
I’m also going to add to this: Spaciousness. Sovereignty. Presence. Delight. Crossing. Transition. Wonder. Surrender. Trust. Welcoming.
And the superpower of Remembering That Nothing Is Wrong.
Ways this might work:
Well, setting it up for Incoming Me.
Having plenty of snacks. Calling on Barrington to help. Bringing a buttmonster to keep me company. Possibly wearing the rainbow boa (constrictor!). Having the strongest possible force field. Planting wishes.
I’m playing with…
Learning more about what I want (or: what I think I want), and what that might look like.
Thing 2: To learn even more about Silent Retreat.
Here’s what I want:
This is sort of a proxy and also not at all a proxy.
Since I am going to be on silent retreat for the two weeks of VICARAGE (and I am also silent retreating about what/where that is, I might as well learn more about what it is and why it works.
The qualities inside of the want:
Curiosity. Exploration. Presence. Play. Safety. Protection. Sanctuary. Shelter. Spaciousness.
And the superpower of always having the right buffer phrase!
Ways this might work:
Come up with a list of buffer phrases and secret agent code.
The Silent Retreat shirt.
I’m playing with…
(silent retreat!)
Thing 3: Pleasure.
Here’s what I want:
One of the things I’m going to be paying attention to at the Vicarage is pleasure.
How it feels to get quiet enough to follow those silver threads of instinctive pull.
The qualities inside of the want:
Attentiveness. Mindfulness. Alertness. Play. Curiosity. Sensitivity. Sensuality. Texture. Touch. Light. Dance. Movement. Swaying. Rhythm. Breeze. Breath. Flow. Wonder. Receptivity. Anticipation. Stillness. Presence. Solitude. Silence. Immersion. Truth.
Ways this might work:
Conducting. Old Turkish lady yoga. Writing. Compassing and encompassing. Walking. Being close to the water. Even closer than that.
That is the part about doing.
There is also a part about the not-doing. Not just the no-phone and no-internet. But choosing more NO. Creating even more space. This will be like my chrysalis in Astoria. I’m not there to see the sights, read novels or watch television.
I’m there to find out what I want. And to meet Incoming Me, the version of me who knows about things like vitality and trust and secret flowers.
I’m playing with…
Trusting that my understanding of this word (whispers: pleasure!) can change, as can our complicated relationship.
Putting it here, which feels brave and a little terrifying.
Noticings about the things I want this week…
The part about sanctuary and shelter. That seems really big. It’s almost like having a canopy of peace, isn’t it. Interesting. I also liked this piece about solitude and immersion. I can’t wait to find out where that will lead.
Bonus wishes, please!
Some of these are secret agent code and some of them are things I’m silent retreat-ing on. Some are qualities that will help. And some are almost pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.
- The invisible companion.
- A special force field that repels small talk.
- Courage!
- Radiance.
- The most easy and efficient packing experience ever.
- All doors open for me. Especially automatic ones.
- All roads lead to the Vicarage.
- I am here now. I want to be here now.
- Bell Time Visions.
I’m playing with…
Love for past-me who set this up. Love for the me who is coming in. Love for the me at the front of the V right now.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I wanted a strong container for these nine days before taking off for the Vicarage. And while I’m still in it, I can say that yes, this has been hugely helpful. Especially the part about “with love”.
Next I wanted nine forms, with play. It really helped. This is the first time I’ve *ever* set so much stuff up in advance before traveling, and it’s kind of blowing my mind. Yay Floop for all the help.
Then I wanted nine pages, with laughter. And there has definitely been laughter.
A good week, all in all.
Playing. Shelter for the comments.
What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like. Things sparked for your own process.
I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.
We ask for what we need, and we give each other space and spaciousness for the process.
This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We play.
That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!
As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox
Friday Chicken #235: the sidewalk said so
Where I cover the good and the hard in my week, visiting the non-preachy side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
What worked?
Napping.
Strategic healing naps! Also just crawling into bed when things were not working.
Sometimes even for three or four hours. Exactly what was needed.
(Also fun: each time I decided that I would wake up with a useful realization. And then I did.)
One thing each day.
The You Must Do All The Things monsters and time gremlins were not so into this plan, but they agreed to let the Internal Scientists test it out.
Getting the one thing out of the way felt so good that we often did a lot more than the one thing. Things got done. Evidence!
Using Pandora to take breaks.
Whenever a commercial comes on, I turn off the sound and sit and breathe and smile.
Thank you, reminder to rest. The commercials used to be jarring and annoying, taking me out of play-mode. Now they are my ally, conspiring to help me pause (paws!), which makes play-mode even better.
The Very Personal Ads.
Everything I asked for on Sunday was useful, but especially how I set it up.
The nine shapes were just the right thing.
Consulting the Book of Me.
I almost planned a fun hanging-out thing for last Saturday but the Book of Me and the Dammit List were very clear that on the day of a roller derby bout nothing else can happen. The Book of Me was right.
Next time I might…
Remember that most problems can be solved by napping.
Also most problems are not problems, they just look like problems.
This is interesting. I am learning more about this.
Look at my notes about stones.
I know so very much about stones.
Use a proxy.
Yay, proxies!
The hard.
- Everything breaking.
- Seriously, everything. Jar, mug, glass, shoes. Ripped shirt. Spilled more than half of the Very Expensive Bottle of [thing-Havi-loves]. Monsters wish me to specify that it was not an alcoholic substance, this was not drunky-clumsiness!
- Being at the Coliseum is the worst. Overwhelming and exhausting.
- Stones being stones.
- Stones disappearing. Time passing and realizing that the stone is gone.
- In general not hearing from people.
- A fun thing becoming much less fun.
- Fizzle fizzle. Why so much fizzle.
- Insecurity monsters turned crossed wires and misunderstandings into Hard Evidence of (doom).
- Too many things.
- That one question that I am so sick of.
- Avoiding friends and people I love because they can’t stop asking that one question. Needed: buffer phrase!
- Super scary phone call from the Denver police. Everything is okay now!
- How are all the things going to be handled? Oh right. That’s the wrong question.
- Running into a huge amount of grief.
- And then also fear of the grief. Fear that if I stop doing all the time I will be alone with all that sadness.
- Toozday I had plans for a Doing Day, but it turned into a have a panic attack and go to bed day.
- Big stress over the elections in Israel. Also… not exactly guilt but something about not going back to vote.
- Finally got some time with the playmate but instead of playing I just cried for an hour straight.
- The moment of saying, “Well, it’s better than nothing.” Ugh.
- End of the Floop, my Floating Playground. We had a gorgeous year together and I have so much love for what we did there.
- Forgetting truth.
The good.
- It’s roller derby season again. I could not be happier about this.
- Getting to see GNR (the team I’ve sponsored for four seasons) kick ass and come back from a deficit of fifty points to beat the Heathers!
- Seeing Scald and Shrew and Eclipse and all my friends. I am so rarely up for the socializing, but when I am it’s so great to see people I love.
- Actually, it was the week of social. I had (unsurprisingly-fantastic beer!) with Al and Richard at Uprising, and with @vicarpac at Saraveza, and everything about this was LOVELY.
- Writing a hard thing but not caring.
Not caring about all kinds of hard because (superpower!) I suddenly remembered about how Nothing Is Wrong, and then nothing was.- No, seriously. Nothing Is Wrong. Even the sidewalk said so.
- Saturday: sleeping in and napping, and having a not-doing day.
- My missing playmate is back! Playdates throughout the weekend and on Wednesday morning.
- Being wrong about everything!
- Discovering that all the hard things this week were actually good things!
- Incoming me.
- A long talk with Alon about all the right things.
- As the very mysterious note that arrived this week said, there are people.
- Incoming me.
- Once I realized that the Hall of Mirrors Insecurity Effect was in place, I was able to stop believing the monster-evidence for Everything Being Wrong.
- The moment of saying, “Well, it’s better than nothing.” (Yes, this goes in the good too!)
- Gazelle state. Dance class.
- Phone call at the exact right time.
- Ahahahaha it was all a misunderstanding. Just like on every sitcom ever, and just like I always say at Rally (Rally!) — assume misunderstanding.
- The best ever plans for Thursday! I had to cancel them but that didn’t take away any of the delight over their existence.
- Less than a week until I’m at the VICARAGE!
- I love this year’s Floop so much and I am delighted about next year’s.
- I feel peaceful and happy.
WHAM BOOM! Operations completed this week:
The phrase Whoosh Ha Mastodon Boom is secret agent code that means: this op is done, baby! It is often shortened to WHAM boom.
Operation STOCKINGS Wham boom!
Operation RESTOCKINGS Wham boom!
Operation NINE FORMS Wham boom!
And two-thirds of Operation Room Glow! Whoosh Ha Mastadon Boom! Wham Boom! Wham Boom!
You may also shout (or whisper) other joyous words if you like.
Superpowers!
A superpower I had this week…
The superpower of What If Nothing Is Wrong! I had this so hard this week. Things were wrong, but they weren’t wrong for me. I was there for it.
And then when they were wrong, it was still good.
The day of panic was good! I woke up from my nap with a HUGE and vital realization that I never would have had otherwise.
The hour of crying with my playmate revealed a giant hall of mirrors where my insecurity monsters were playing. It also revealed that something I thought was a deep feelings problem can actually be solved with logistics.
The pain over the stone disappearing reminded me that each stone has a purpose (if not several), and that my job is to enjoy the stone as a stone. If it’s gone, it’s gone. If it’s not, it’s not. There are always more stones. And then the stone returned anyway, as stones often do. Nothing is wrong!
And a superpower I want next week.
The superpower of stopping to remember.
From the archives.
- The thing you think is less important is actually more important than the thing you think is the most important.
- Beacons.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
Background. Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once invented hanging out at the Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
This week’s band is called
Bowl of Socks!
Though, of course, it’s really just one guy.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
Prices for the 2013 Floop and the Year of Emptying & Replenishing (password: compass) go up next week.
Also, some of the Y.E.A.R. options include the Floop.
That’s it for me …
Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!
We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
Visions #185: Nine days with love.
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
Thing 1: Nine days with love.
Here’s what I want:
I’m leaving for the Vicarage very soon. Very!
There are nine whole days and then I leave.
Hello, nine days.
(The Vicarage = two whole weeks of glorrrrious silent retreat, which means both that I will be on silent retreat and also I am silent-retreating about what this is).
Nine days is not a lot of days. And there are a lot of things that want to happen inside of those days.
I would like some kind of map. Mainly I would like to feel delightfully calm about everything. Calm and present, not calm-and-drifting. Calm and right here with all of it.
And then I want a sense of what needs to fit where, what can be dropped, what doesn’t really need to be done, like that.
The qualities inside of the want:
Shelter. Freedom. Permission. Peacefulness. Ease. Play. Readiness. Willingness. Resilience. Curiosity. Light-heartedness. Focus. Pleasure.
And the superpower of committing to the flow, however it happens to be flowing.
Ways this might work:
I can use the it’s-almost-magic Deguiltified Chicken Board at the Floop to list all the things.
I can talk to the time monsters who are saying that THERE IS NO TIME and also doom-doom-doom ALL THE THINGS.
And I can use metaphor mouse to rename the things that need doing, and also I can turn them into secret agent spy ops.
I’m playing with…
The part about love.
If these nine days are a present for me (let’s say that I’m temporarily choosing to pretend that they are), then ….?
If the Vicarage itself is a place of love that past-me set up for incoming-me out of love, and I am going there to reconnect to myself, with love….
Then how does knowing that change the form of these nine days?
Does that not turn these nine days into a new kind of container, built out of love to contain more love? And how does that interact with the usual patterns of pressure and worry and “gotta get shit done” and “oh no all the things”? This is what I’m thinking about right now.
Thing 2: And Nine Forms, with play.
Here’s what I want:
There are nine things that I want to have written before I leave.
Actually, there are more. But nine that come in kind of a set.
This has to do with shapes and blueprints, doesn’t it.
What are nine shapes?
Circle, triangle, oval, rectangle, star, diamond, octagon, pentagon, crescent. Okay!
If there are nine shapes, and also blueprints for the shapes, maybe this won’t be as time-consuming as I am worried it might be.
The qualities inside of the want:
Ease. Simplicity. Release. Comfort. Peace of mind. Sweetness. Form. Flow. Play. Experimentation. Invention. Skipping.
The superpowers of All The Shapes Are Friends, and also the superpower of graceful transitions.
Ways this might work:
I can process this at the Floop! And I can ask Incoming Me to remind me why everything will be better if these are done. Or maybe it will turn out that it doesn’t matter and I don’t have to do them…
But the main thing is that I’m finding out what is important about this, why it’s calling to me.
I’m playing with…
What if this can be easier than I think? What if I only need two blueprints for all the shapes? Interesting…
Thing 3: And Nine Pages, with laughter.
Here’s what I want:
The big thing that needs to be done before I leave has nine pages.
It wants my love and attention, but mainly it wants me to enjoy myself while I’m doing it.
So I need to figure out the WHEN, but mainly I need to figure out how it can be joyful. Because that is how it wants to be born.
The qualities inside of the want:
Silliness. Delight. Pleasure. Temptation. Play. Presence. Noticing. Breath. Sweetness. Warmth. Buoyancy. Grounding. Humming. Glowing.
And the superpower of sparking all the sparks.
Ways this might work:
I can think of other joyful things. Like flowers! And secret flowers.
Like dancing and leaping. Like swinging on the swings with Svevo. Like [not-wine].
I can start from the feeling, and let it change the nine pages.
I’m playing with…
Letting there be help. Playdate help, writing date help, partnering.
People who might help with joyful and with writing, possibly both: Marisa, Nick, Briana, Eddie, Kyle, Garret, the shellbacks from the last Crossing, Richard, Dana, Hope.
Noticings about the things I want this week…
The qualities seem extra-important this week. The love and the play, the form and the freedom.
Bonus wishes, please!
Some of these are secret agent code and some of them are things I’m silent retreat-ing on. Some are qualities that will help. And some are almost pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.
- Finish up Operation Watchcap.
- Copper pot.
- Hooks and hooks.
- Stone time (yes, the kind of stone that is a stone and also the kind of stone that is a person and also the kind of stone that is for skipping)
- Chulnikim: rename the op.
- Goodnight, tabs!
- The decobwebbing of the Playground.
- New checkbook.
- TAJHMA.
- Yes to ordering the business cards.
- More with feet.
- The Tree of Life part III?
- Packing list! Rename this. See the steamer trunk.
- Call on Barrington!
I’m playing with…
Trust. Making things simple. Conducting. The superpower of What If Nothing Is Wrong?
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
Operations HUMMING and DIPPING are both going great, and they’re both ongoing.
There was much delighting: and I think I’m getting a lot better at this. Feeling good about the progress. It is easier for me to remember to delight now. I still feel conflicted about (pleasure) as a word/concept, but delight has landed.
And I wanted to play with conducting three times a day, and that was a good number. We now have lots of evidence about how just three times helps a lot. And how even two times helps a lot. Actually, even once helps a lot. And once you get past the first one, the next ones are easier.
Then I wanted a secret name for Secret Sundays, and for now I’m calling them Undays!
Other things I planted that also happened: Toozday! Operation G.O.O.D.W.I.L.L, business card designs, moving things around, the one about feet, the Geniza and the 36 tiny adventurers on their way out. As always, I’m happy I asked.
Also I just got a secret text that says CHEESE EMERGENCY AVERTED, and this is also good news.
Playing. Shelter for the comments.
What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like. Things sparked for your own process.
I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.
We ask for what we need, and we give each other space and spaciousness for the process.
This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We play.
That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!
As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox
Friday Chicken #234: change it up change it up!
Where I cover the good and the hard in my week, visiting the non-preachy side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
What worked?
Ending Fake Beach Day with feet.
Fake Beach Day is great while it’s happening, except then the end gets all stressful and not-fun.
This time Danielle and I went to the Barefoot Sage and ended Fake Beach Day with foot soak and foot massage.
It held the magic of actually going to the beach: Tranquility. Expansiveness. Spaciousness. Ritual. Grounding. Freedom. Lightheartedness. And feeling stones and water under your feet.
And then I went to see Wally and we worked on that some more.
Making life a little easier for Incoming Me.
Little things. Setting them up.
Untying my dance shoes so they’ll be easier to put on.
Packing my bag the night before. Setting the water bottle by the door.
Secret ops at the [radiant smile time].
Last time that I was at the (shh, dentist), I made lots of notes for slightly future me.
And now I’m here! And all set up with code words and a secret postcard, special entry rituals and lots of reminders.
It was amazing. I went to Cam of the magic fingers, I’d already booked the room I like best, and I got to sit in the humming, vibrating heated massage chair while she put rose oil on my temples. It was ease-filled, peaceful, speedy and calm.
And it turned out that I’d overpaid last time or something? Anyway, the entire cleaning and x-rays came to $16. What?!
The theme of this week was CHANGE IT UP.
Change it up change it up!
This worked like a mantra and a theme song and a battle cry and a reminder.
And it made things that might not have been fun seem like they were part of a bigger adventure.
Next time I might…
Have a list of possible Middle of The Night Putterings.
For when I wake up in the middle of the night full of energy and wanting to putter, but not remembering what needs doing.
FInd the new metaphor first.
As soon as I play with metaphor mouse, everything gets better.
But sometimes I’ll try to make things work for way too long without changing the words.
Set a quota on how many appointments can be squeezed into a week.
Because a thing about Havis is that they can’t handle this much interaction.
The hard.
- The Zipcar excursion that ballooned into a giant mess.
- Tired. Very, very tired.
- Time is going so fast!
- Too many meetings.
- Too many appointments.
- Too much running around.
- So much to do! All the time gremlins.
- My playmate was AWOL, and we were both too busy to play and this sucked.
- I need playtime to be at my most brilliantly creative, and playtime wasn’t happening.
- A fun thing getting postponed for six whole days. Also the resulting crankiness.
- Delay, in general.
- Locked doors.
- A thing that fizzled so hard, and I didn’t want it to fizzle and I was pretty attached to it not fizzling, but it was the time for fizzle.
- Even though the fizzling had nothing to do with me, I tried to make it about me.
- Forgetting.
The good.
- Two (two!) skype-dates with Marisa!
- Conducting, when I remembered to do it, was the best.
- Wally and I are doing genius things together.
- Dancing it up. A lot. And feeling great.
- A Friday night that got canceled and uncanceled and re-canceled and finally happened, and all of this turned out to be just right.
- Best fake beach day ever..
- Every single thing about going to the dentist on Tuesday.
- Okay, every single thing about Tuesday, period.
- Waking up Wednesday with all the sparkly energy in the world. And with the perfect Nook-Booking solution (a previously unsolvable problem: solved!).
- Anticipation is my drug of choice.
- Two weeks until I’m off to the VICARAGE!
- Eddie.
- Baths, baths and more baths.
- It is not as cold as it has been.
- Lighter in the mornings! More fun to go to early dance class.
- Going to early dance class means so much more day in front of me!
- Feeling outrageously inspired (thanks again, Most Wonderful Tuesday!) and getting all the things done.
- Change it up! I’m a redhead again. For the first time in maybe twelve years. Liking it.
- Change it up! I wrote the Nook page and the secret door page and all the things!
- Change it up! The hallway is now becoming home. The red chair is in the right place. The new curtains are the right ones.
- Mariko. Hi!
- Athena laughing with delight (and with the light), and trying not to say I-told-you-so, but mainly just delighted and also maybe saying I-told-you-so. She was right, and I am glad.
WHAM BOOM! Operations completed this week:
The phrase Whoosh Ha Mastodon Boom is secret agent code that means: this op is done, baby! It is often shortened to WHAM boom.
The main op that worked this week is an ongoing one that has to do with timing and flow. It’s actually kind of a game that normally I have a lot of trouble with. But this week it worked!
Every time I had Time Stress about “this is late” and “this is not done” and “I am behind”, I invoked the superpowers of No, Waiting Is Good And Letting Things Percolate Is Good And This Is Right Timing.
And guess what? Everything was good.
It turned out to be PERFECT that I hadn’t written [project X] because then I found out what it was actually supposed to be about. It was good that I didn’t do the things I thought I should be doing because they way they ended up happening turned out to be even better.
This week I remembered this. And I delighted in the apparent dead ends and locked doors, knowing that they were clues. And this is a big deal!
Operation APPLE Wham boom!
Operation THIRTY SIX Wham boom!
Operation THREE SYMBOLS Wham boom!
Operation CORNCOB PIPE Wham boom!
Operation SCHMURPHY TANGO Wham boom!
Operation LUSCIOUS CURTAINS Wham boom!
Operation 2014 Athena in the Sun Part I Wham boom!
Whoosh Ha Mastodon Boom! Wham Boom! Wham Boom!
You may also shout (or whisper) other joyous words if you like.
Superpowers!
A superpower I had this week…
The superpower of Humming! I asked for this in the VPAs, and then I got it in all of these fabulous and unexpected ways.
For example, in the form of the heated massage chair at the dentist!
And the superpower of Channeling A Certain Oh Let’s Call It Sexy Awe to help with copywriting.
And a superpower I want next week.
The superpower of Entering the Bat Cave. And the superpower of Time Expands When I Need It To.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
Background. Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once invented hanging out at the Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
This week’s band apparently comes from me, but I don’t remember the context. Thanks go to Richard for reminding me that this is the band.
Cinnamon Demo Tape
They sound… kind of like that.
Though, of course, it’s really just one guy.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
The class on TIME. I feel strongly about it.
It is breaking people’s brains. But in a good way.
That’s it for me …
Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!
We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
Visions #184: the self-humming hum
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
Thing 1: Operation HUMMING.
Here’s what I want:
One of the things I learned this past week (mini-epiphany!) is that opening scares me, but humming doesn’t.
Which you’d think would not be news. I mean, I open Rally (Rally!) through humming. And I open the Crossing through humming. And my vision of the humming castle is also all about openings.
Anyway, there are all kinds of things that need to be opened right now, but the opening feels vulnerable. So I’m going to find out how I can hum them instead. Or how they can hum themselves. Self-vibrating self-radiating humming goodness.
The qualities inside of the want:
Resonance. Grounded enthusiasm. Welcoming. Belonging. Receptivity. Presence. Radiance. Steadiness. Continuity. Rejuvenation. Regeneration. Sustenance. Trust. Sun.
And the superpower of letting things harmonize through music. Harmonies!
Ways this might work:
Finding out what I already know (but don’t know that I know) about humming.
Interviewing the version of me who excels at humming, and at opening through not-opening.
I could also investigate what is useful about this particular humming and the fact that this is happening now.
And I can choose to spend time around other things that hum. Generators. Fans. Harmonicas. Cafes. People working on projects. Kazoos.
I’m playing with…
Humming the secret hum of Stompopolis.
Becoming a hum. What if I am my own nigun?
Thing 2: Operation DIPPING.
Here’s what I want:
To delight in enoughness, to delight in plenty. But mainly just to delight.
I find delight an easier entry point than trust or gratitude, and definitely easier than all those other problematic words that have to do with enough and plenty. I know how to delight in things.
So now I want to delight more. To expand my ability to find delight in small things.
The first part of this operation is just noticing things to delight in and delighting in them.
The qualities inside of the want:
Presence. Joy. Appreciation. Lusciousness. Pleasure. Trust. Sweetness. Warmth. Laughter. Awareness. Comfort. Congruence. Harmoniousness. Shining.
And the superpower of things that are this cute.
Ways this might work:
There are so many things to delight in! Dogs catching frisbees! A multitude of flavors and colors and textures! All the ways that people vary. A pot of extra-harmonious tea. Skateboarding. Bathtime! Cushions.
Dipping once. Dipping twice. Things that are double-dipped. On all other nights we do not dip not even once, but *this* night…
Delight. In. Plenty. There’s the dip.
Oh, you know what else is dipped? Candles. Yes.
I’m playing with…
Conducting delight like an orchestra conductor.
Conducting delight like a train conductor.
Conducting delight like an electrical conductor: a conduit.
Conducting delight like it is an experiment.
Conducting delight like it is music and science and electricity and moving and alive, which it is. And I am the artist, the dancer, the scientist, the explorer, the person who is close to the ground and still dreaming all the dreams. And humming.
Thing 3: On a mission of 3x Conducting
Here’s what I want:
At my Crossing the Line eight day retreat, I had everyone conduct at least ten times a day. It was… I don’t have a good enough word for what it was. Whatever I say will sound like an exaggeration but it is not.
Fine. It was extraordinary. It was transcendent. It was heaven.
And lately I have not been conducting very much, even though I now have a vault for it.
But last week I discovered that if I commit in the morning to conducting three times (even if just for two minutes each time), then I conduct at least that many times. And everything is better.
Because, as Marisa wrote on the Playground wall, CONDUCTING MAKES EVERYTHING BETTER.
Also it is part of my Year of Emptying And Replenishing (password: compass), so this is part of what I am living by in 2013.
The qualities inside of the want:
Grounding. Steadiness. Comfort. Ritual. Desire. Pleasure. Reconnection. Quiet. Peacefulness. Wonder.
And the superpower of getting quiet enough to hum, as well as the superpower of Oh Right, Nothing Is Wrong.
Ways this might work:
I can use the other people who were at the Crossing as conducting allies. Or announce when I will be conducting.
And I can plant secret reminders everywhere.
Oh, and there can be a secret agent code phrase that means “let’s conduct!”. Code for the code! How about… “I’m going to go check the wiring.”
I’m playing with…
Checking the wiring.
Thing 4: A new (secret) name for Extra Sundays
Here’s what I want:
I use Monday as a secret Sunday. Because Monday is Fake Beach Day.
And sometimes I also use Fridays as Secret Sundays. But I don’t like the phrase secret Sundays, because it sounds too much like ice cream. Sundays/sundaes.
So. Undays? Sun Days? Hum Days?
The qualities inside of the want:
Playfulness. Delight. Simplicity. Mystery. Smiling.
Ways this might work:
It could just come to me.
Or I could talk it over with metaphor mouse.
Or maybe someone here will have some fun playful suggestions.
I’m playing with…
I’ll sit at the Lodge until I know what happens next.
Noticings about the things I want this week…
There is a lot about pleasure and play, about grounding and steadiness. As always, I am happiest when I am messing about with words.
And right now I am… wait for it, delighting, in just how many things I am letting myself want and how they are all interconnected. This is progress.
Bonus wishes, please!
Some of these are secret agent code and some of them are things I’m silent retreat-ing on. Some are qualities that will help. And some are almost pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.
Replanting some from last week and adding some new ones.
- Operation Two Anthologies
- TAJHMA.
- Toozday?
- Operation G.O.O.D.W.I.L.L.
- Finalizing the design for the new business cards.
- More Secret Flowers.
- Preparing for the VICARAGE.
- Move everything around.
- Letting beauty be its own reason.
- Feet feet feet feet feet feet feet.
- The Tree of Life part III?
- The Geniza.
- 36 tiny adventurers that are leaving my home and my life.
I’m playing with…
Putting this here and letting it all percolate for however long it needs to.
Playing with bits and pieces of it in the Floop, because the Floop is magic.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I wanted to use fractal flowers on my seven missions, and it worked brilliantly.
Then I wanted secret flowers, and oh wow! Secret flowers are the best! Both the pedicure and bath bomb experiments were loaded with good things. But then I got Actual Secret Flowers when the bouquet of Seekrit Flowers From Floopers arrived on my doorstep. Secret flowers!
And there was an ask about sleep, and that actually resolved itself easily.
As for the bonus wishes…
Operation Luscious Curtains! It happened. I didn’t think it would. Wham Boom. Also my decision about January 2014 was easier than I though it would be. Friday was everything I wished for, and the secret flowers got me there. And I did let beauty be its own reason, though I’m still working on that.
Also I am still de-cobwebbing (an ask from a few weeks ago), and loving it.
Playing. Shelter for the comments.
What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like. Things sparked for your own process.
I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.
We ask for what we need, and we give each other space and spaciousness for the process.
This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We play.
That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!
As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox