What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
31 tiny mini-rituals for entry and exit.
I have written a lot about conscious entry and how preparing for the voyage changes the experience of whatever it is that you are entering.
The main problem with doing this is: monsters! And the main problem monsters have with entry is that they think it takes forever.
So then we call on the internal scientists, who say: “Yes, it does take time. And! Research has shown that time for entry is totally worth it because then everything that happens after is better.”
But it also doesn’t have to take time. We can also make entry impossibly brief. Under three minutes. Sometimes even as little as three seconds.
There’s always a shorter version, right?
Why this is on my mind. Background!
I’ve been thinking about this a lot this week because we’re about to open Stompopolis to new member mice who are not necessarily familiar with the culture.
Stompopolis comes with very fun (optional, of course) entry-and-exit ritual which involves sitting inside of a compass inside of a blanket fort named George!
But really, anything can be an entry or exit ritual. Anything can be turned into an entry or exit ritual. Anything conscious, playful, curious and awake can be a ritual.
So what I really want to tell people is: Try things.
I mean, it really doesn’t matter what you do. Find out what you like. Experiment. The main thing is: Hey! I’m taking a moment to mark the transition and to be present for it. It’s an experiment.
Like this. Tiny mini-rituals that I just came up with.
Off the top of my head.
Thirty one of them, as it turns out.
- Walk in a circle.
- Or walk backwards. And widdershins!
- Touch something that is physically stable. The floor. The wall. Lean into it.
- Touch you: rub your feet or pat your arms.
- Draw a word or a symbol on the palm of your hand with your finger.
- Pat the ground seven times.
- Invoke a superpower.
- Or a quality.
- Tune into Grounded Enthusiasm, which is one of the secret magical things that lives at Stompopolis.
- Ask a question. Or four questions. Use a question to skip a stone. How do I want to feel? What do I need? What would help?
- Squeeze a butt-monster for good luck.
- Put on an invisible hat.
- Open an invisible door.
- Say: This is a door.
- Count backwards slowly from 27 to 0.
- Take eleven long slow deep breaths.
- Write a spell on your arm with your finger.
- Name five things around you.
- Describe what is happening. This is me, in a transition. This is me, not knowing what to do. This is me, talking to myself.
- Blow some bubbles. Real or imaginary.
- Imagine your force field filling up with clarity and focus. Or whatever you want to feel in your space.
- Draw a salamander. Badly!
- Pretend to be a penguin riding a skateboard.
- Stand on your tiptoes eight times.
- Jump up and down sixteen times.
- Pretend to be a spy.
- Whisper a magic word.
- Make a wish. Write it down.
- Think of something you’re feeling good about. This is not to negate the real and legitimate pain about the hard things, just making sure the good gets attention too.
- Write a three-sentence love letter to slightly future you: maybe you in two hours or you in two weeks.
- Say: I am here now. I want to be here now.
Play with me.
You can invent tiny rituals! You can do something — anything — and decide that it is now a tiny ritual too.
You can also rename the word “ritual” and call it something else.
We could even have a ritual for making-up-rituals. Like whispering WHOOOSH or twirling in a circle. I don’t know.
As always: we all have our stuff. We’re all working on our stuff. It’s a process. And we all get to figure out what works for us and drop the rest. Apply the People Vary principle as needed.
And, speaking of rituals, I am sending love to you and to all the commenter mice, the Beloved Lurkers and everyone who reads.
Qualities of entry and exit include, for me:
Presence. Curiosity. Wonder. Lightness. Passage. Courage. Flexibility. Adaptability. Freedom. Spaciousness. Trust. Play. Grounding. Possibility.
Visions #179: A quality in a quantity!
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
Thing 1: Horizon and water.
Here’s what I want:
Horizon. And water. And an absence of most other things.
I have caught the tiniest glimpse of a possible pirate queen holiday. It’s how I imagine it would feel to get an accidental peek at the fair ankle of a lady when you’re a knight back from doing knight-things. Not sure where that came from. But I’m sticking with it.
The point is: I am fascinated. And aching with longing. I WANT THIS SO BADLY. It is not just a vacation, it is off the grid. It is water and horizon and writing, and I want.
The qualities inside of the want:
Desire. Faith. Trust. Presence. Heart. Certainty. Sovereignty. Rest. Vision.
And the superpower of remembering the humming castle: being the queen means humming the hum.
Ways this might work:
Processing. Planning. Both in the hard and in the soft. External and internal.
In the soft: More talking this through with my you can’t go on vacation and if you do you can’t tell anyone about it monsters, who are the second-most vocal clan.
In the hard: Tracking down the right traveling companion. Setting it up. Making space. Finding out which loose ends need to be tied up by which dates, and will doing that destroy me or is that just monsters? Because it kind of seems like this might require DOING ALL THE THINGS before I go. But if I don’t go, this is a disaster. See? Doing things in the hard invariably also turns out to be about the soft.
But mainly: it could just work. I need this.
I’m playing with…
Interviewing both Incoming Me and the me-who-has-come-back-from-this-holiday, to see what they know.
Thing 2: A quality in a quantity!
Here’s what I want:
At the Sunday cafe I order a pot of Harmony tea. Harmony! In a pot!
This, to me, is the funniest thing ever. It is direct-to-the-Havi-funny-bone funny.
Just the idea that you can get a quantity of a quality is hilarious.
Like, I would like a bucket of trust please! With a bowl of focus. Also let me trade in this cup of despair for something else because it’s not actually mine.
I want to see and feel this everywhere, by playing with it.
Look, it’s a bus shelter of shelter! It’s a truckload of wonder. Like that.
Also Harmony is what the last Incoming Me wanted me to call her, so it feels like coming home to her whenever I order a pot of her name.
The qualities inside of the want:
Playfulness. Presence. Appreciation. Delight. Silliness. Laughter. Perspective.
And the superpower of looking inside of things.
Ways this might work:
Planting it here.
I’m playing with…
Being playful and also drinking lots of tea.
Thing 3: Clearing out the cobwebs.
Here’s what I want:
Lots of Congruencing.
That is my word for clearing things out, throwing things away, moving things around. Whatever feels like it is in support of congruence.
I don’t like to talk about organizing. It’s not about that.
It’s really about the opposite of stagnation. It’s about choosing flow. It is clearing out everything that is sticky and cobwebby and done.
Anyway, I want a lot of this. ANd I’m a bit worried because I already have a ton of things to do, and also there are some serious piles of iguanas and doom to look at and INOWANNA.
So I guess what I really want is for congruencing and cobweb-clearing to be energizing and fun. For the mood to strike! As it has in the past few days. Basically more of that.
The qualities inside of the want:
Play. Lightness. Support. Form. Freedom. Possibility. Wonder. Spaciousness. Harmoniousness. Movement. Flow. Excitement. Anticipation. Glow.
The superpower of letting new air in.
Ways this might work:
Whenever I get a burst of energy.
A piece at a time. Just one thing. Or: ten things gone. Wandering around the house and pretending that Incoming Me is the guest-lover-friend I am preparing for. Because she is. And I am.
I’m playing with…
Goodbye, cobwebs!
Noticings about the things I want this week…
Like last week, a craving for playfulness and laughter. Also this element of desire and anticipation. And there is also a theme that feels like water. Not just water itself but the superpowers of water to move things and clear them.
Bonus wishes, please!
Some of these are secret agent code and some of them are things I’m silent retreat-ing on. Some are qualities that will help. And some are almost pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.
- A talk with the me who has not bought [X] for Stompopolis yet. Why is it good that it has taken this long? Find out what she knows about right timing.
- Fun percentages without context! With thanks to Bonnie for the best idea ever.
- Post the herring.
- Notes for the dolphin adoption agency? Yes, that’s a proxy too.
- Alchemilla.
- A delight-filled Hannukah. Light. Candles. Levivot. Warmth. Singing. Friends. Dedication and rededication of spaces, internal and external. Happiness and ALL THE FRIED FOODS.
- Write and send an invitation for [candles].
- Find out if Noah wants to come have dinner at Hoppy House.
- Ask for bolster recommendations.
- Sign-ups for my class on TIME! I am very excited about this class and I kind of think everyone should be. Also, it’s the prerequisite for the Year of Emptying & Replenishing.
- The red rose missive.
- Beautiful hangers that can be displayed. Wood?
- Energized peacefulness!
I’m playing with…
Using the paperless app to make this fun. Asking R or M to come with me to the cafe. The magic of Fake Beach Day. And of course the superpower of Dedication. Speaking of which:
HAPPY SECOND NIGHT OF HANNUKAH, you guys. Chag urim sameach.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I wanted to experiment with living by the motto of We Shall Be Chill And Defrazzle. Which kind of worked and kind of didn’t. Actually, no, it did. I learned a lot about things that work and also about things that don’t. There were good pockets of peacefulness.
Also I am using my Conducting Vault (more on that to come) more, and that is helping with both the chill and the defrazzling.
Then I wanted to watch the barns burn while drinking whiskey. And I did. Maybe someday I will write about it.
Next I wanted help with and/or from the Magical Badger Brigade. That started out really stressful but I ended up having an outrageously productive week where things that haven’t moved for months all got done. So: yay.
Also big appreciation to the Floop where I played and problem-solved all week. The best.
And I wanted delighted enthusiasm for the Year of Emptying & Replenishing, and this happened too! Beyond expectations. And also I love that my people have shortened it to Y.E.A.R., which I think is funny and perfect and sweet.
Playing. Shelter for the comments.
What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like. Things sparked for your own process.
I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.
We ask for what we need, and we give each other space and spaciousness for the process.
This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We play.
That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!
As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox
Friday Chicken #228: the color gold.
Where I cover the good and the hard in my week, visiting the non-preachy side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
What worked?
Choosing not to do a fun-sounding thing.
The truth is, all signs pointed to don’t do this thing. But it took me a while to get there.
Then I didn’t do the thing and it was PERFECT that I did not do the thing.
This is exactly the kind of situation that would usually require a complicated internal debate before I could even get to the point of decision-making.
Running the fans.
Fans. Use the fans. The hypothalamus does not do its magic without the fans.
Moving a longstanding regular appointment to a new day.
This has to do with movement, paying attention, following intuitive tugs and pulls, and consciously stepping out of stagnation. All of which: hugely important right now.
Acting on this impulse felt tingly and good.
Writing dates with my playmate.
No talking. Just the reassuring clicking of keyboards in unison through the magic of speakerphone.
Tiny bits of sweetness for tomorrow-me.
I have been carefully undoing my shoelaces at night so that morning-me rushing off to dance doesn’t have to get all tangled up while getting into her shoes.
So she can skip merrily off to the bus with everything going smoothly. It’s taken forever to remember to do this, and now the new pattern: it is mostly landed.
Next time I might…
Take more time to recognize how hard it is when things change.
After three months of having one thing on my agenda (Hey Havi, let’s Resolve the Awful Crisis of Doom), I suddenly had to look at all the things that need doing.
Both the things that needed doing before the Disastrous Everything Is Breaking Worst Thing, and the things that have piled up in the meantime.
I thought it would feel good to get it all out of my head and onto paper, but what actually happened was that I felt unbearably lonely and overwhelmed.
Lots of pressure and dread. Pressure-dread. Because: iguanas!
Anyway, I think my push for Let’s Focus So We Can Do All The Things meant I didn’t give myself nearly enough time to grieve over how hard this is.
As always the answer was: all feelings are legitimate! And then: empty and replenish, empty and replenish. And (if you’re me) don’t work from home!
Avoid social media in all forms? LIKE THE PLAGUE?
Well, maybe not like that. But whenever I visited the river (my metaphor for going online) this week, I was not happy.
Maybe I need more conscious entry. Or maybe hormonal rage and social media should never mix. Or maybe time off will help. Experiments to follow.
Check the Book of Me in the morning.
I have notes in the book of Havi Bell about how going to get things done to my hair is a portal to a time warp that mysteriously eats up my entire day. Even if the appointment itself hardly takes any time, that day is toast. Always.
But I forget that and try to think logically about my day: I’ll have this much time and I can fit this many things in there.
It doesn’t work like that.
Hair day, for whatever reason, is a lost day. Like a zombie day (when you don’t get enough sleep the night before). Or maybe not lost. It is its own thing.
So next time I will experiment with an appointment later in the day. Or shaving my head again. That’s an option too. But mainly: reminding myself that this is not a day for doing, thinking or crossing anything off of a list.
The hard.
- Not wanting to yog.
- Hormonal doom of doom.
- TOO MANY THINGS.
- Panicky overwhelm and overwhelming panic related to the above three items.
- People being inexplicably mad at me. Or maybe the explanations were right there. It was all very baffling to me.
- Someone I love sounding pretty much exactly like that one group of my monsters.
- Toozday was supposed to be a day of doing but then it turned into exactly the opposite of that.
- Wanting to do absolutely nothing.
- Except blow shit up. To destroy things and watch them crash and burn.
- Oh, still with the drama. More people drama-ing new drama.
- Barns still burning. Each time I think I’m okay with this barn, I have to learn to let go of the next one, it seems.
- Wanting the vacation so badly I can taste it, and it’s all I think about and I have a window of possibility but too far away and too many variables and not sure how it can happen when I need it to. Or before I need it to, if it comes to that.
- Let’s expand on hormonal doom of doom. Sore. Miserable. Looking like a rabid cranky Jessica Rabbit. Rage and terror. I’ve been working on these side-effects for years and usually the things I do work, but either I haven’t been doing enough of the things that work or [let’s not think about “or” right now].
- Everything grating on me, all nerves raw.
- After my amazing day of making all the progresses on Wednesday, I was looking forward to yoga/dinner/celebrating, but instead got in a huge business-related fight. And then spent several more hours working to fix the problem. I was so looking forward to basking, feeling proud and motivated. Instead it crumpled.
- PTSD dreams and waking up in terror.
The good.
- Remembering the emergency calm and using the hell out of those techniques. Also practicing everything we did at Crossing the Line. Works.
- Long-distance writing date with my playmate. For some reason we haven’t ever done this before, and it was exactly the just-right thing. Steady, calming, motivating and sweet. Both of us typing away from afar.
- Being so excited to tell you guys how crazy-impossibly well the previous week’s Very Personal Ads worked that I wrote this week’s early. That has NEVER happened, in one hundred and seventy eight weeks of doing this. That was cool.
- Quiet.
- Pausing (paws!) and more pausing.
- The conducting vault.
- Walking in the garden.
- The argument getting resolved because: compassionate communication.
- Fake Beach Day with Marisa! And eating sabich. The best.
- The color gold.
- Ten beautiful breaths.
- Knowing what I want and being (astonishingly) okay with that.
- Getting what felt like ALL THE THINGS done on Wednesday in a giant day of doing. I got more done on Wednesday than I have all year.
- Playing on the Floop and solving things, sparked by other people’s epiphanies.
- A wonderful person from the Floop has named my (ours, actually, all of us, since you will be following along in some form or another even if just through reading about it here) upcoming Year of Emptying And Replenishing by abbreviating it to YEAR. I love this.
- Abbreviations, in general! And secret spy words. Also everyone at the Frolicsome Bar (that’s our facebook thing) helped me with that too.
- Writing the Secret Rose Missive to Alon.
- Possible glimmer of a spark of a maybe-vacation.
- The following sentence: “Not a doubt in my mind that you can totally handle this like the sexiest lion tamer in the world.” <3
Also I have thank-yous! Thank you, Kate (and Andy) for the book. Anna, for the other book. Richard, for yet another book. Darcy, for the wonderful letter that made me cry. Andrea, for the perfect surprise gift. And Lissa, for the beautiful reminder. Thank you.
Superpowers!
A superpower I had this week…
The superpower of all the walls coming down!
Thanks, Wally. And thanks also to the actual wall. It literally came down while the internal ones were falling apart.
And also the superpower of steadiness. And drinking whiskey while the barns burn.
And a superpower I want next week.
More steadiness please. And vitality.
Also the superpower of not caring how.
From the archives.
- Talking to a wall.
- A letter I wrote to myself close to two years ago..
- The dammit list.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
Background. Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once invented hanging out at the Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
This week’s band is melancholy and sweet and their hair is always getting in their eyes. They’re called:
Girl Or Almost.
Though, of course, it’s really just one guy.
Points to Nick for the name.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Alright. The pre-sale for the regular sale for the Year of Emptying & Replenishing (password: compass) ends Friday, December 7, which is TONIGHT.
That’s it for me …
Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!
We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
Hi there, December.
Yes, it is time to passage between months again.
Come in, come in, superpowers of easy transitions. Exit and entry. Passaging out and passaging in.
Let’s see what we know that we didn’t know that we knew.
Passaging out of November. What worked?
Canceling appointments. Curling up. Retreating. Getting quiet. Getting quieter. Not having anything planned. Undoing and undoing and undoing. Hermit-ing.
What really worked was not doing things the way I did last November (traveling and teaching and more teaching). I built in recovery time!
And, eventually, finding the funny.
So long, November. Things I might try differently next time?
Building in more recovery time. Basically take whatever I think I need and multiply it by three. Or by something. Multiply!
Having more of a plan for Hermitsgiving. That involves going away.
Passaging into December. Hello, December!
Hi. I am glad we’re here.
Qualities I want for December.
Quiet. Presence. Sturdiness. Steadiness. Sweetness. Simplicity. Pleasure. Resonance. Reverberation. Serendipity.
I am choosing two words that I want with me in December.
Gemütlichkeit.
Ah, the marvelous and vital German concept that combines all that is good from both coziness and comfort.
Think plush rugs soft under your feet. Warm sweaters. Warm lights and candles. Things that are snug and cozy and pleasurable to touch and look at.
I want to be the snuggliest cat this December. And I want my setting, both at home and at the Playground, to invite that kind of cozy curling up and turning inward.
Another thing that I love about making things gemütlich is that you do it both for others and for yourself. Yes.
Also joyfully borrowing from Aase the Norwegian superpower of Koselig (”KOOSH-lee”; = cozy/comfy/gemütlich), which sounds like exactly what is needed here.
Chanuka. In the sense of: Dedicating.
So yes, the holiday is almost upon us. But I am thinking about the meaning of dedicating a space. Dedicating yourself to something.
Making spaces new through rededicating them. Also experiences. And therefore yourself. Commitment through presence.
I’m turning the page in the Playground calendar.
Ahahaha. Of course the word for this month is presence.
I am loving the word PRESENCE. Which is also secretly the direction of east, for those of us who were at my Crossing the Line eight day retreat.
And then the secret message at the bottom of the page is:
Follow the rabbit holes. They’ll take you where you need to go.
That’s my plan, past-me. That is my plan.
December superpowers?
Ringing all the bells. Lighting all the candles. Watching all the barns burn.
Laughing and then laughing some more.
Trust. Retreating. Trusting in the retreating.
Al hanisim.
As always, remembering what is true. And what is also true.
The superpower of Nothing Is Wrong.
Things I’m working on and playing with in December.
The main project I thought I’d be working on, the design for the 2013 Floop, is already completely ready, so that feels really good. What?! Something is done ahead of time?! Take that, monsters.
Some big Stompopolis pieces.
And of course Emptying & Replenishing (password: compass).
Lots of napping. LOTS of napping.
Things I’m looking forward to in December.
Hannukah and having a bright and cheery kitchen full of colorful candles.
Closing things down. Opening things up. Clearing things out.
Not teaching!
I’m asking for and wishing for….
Peacefulness. Focus. And some peaceful, focused vacation time.
I want to stare at water and watch the horizon. Water and horizon, please.
I’m ready for…
The compass. The bell.
Flowers everywhere. This is important.
And?
I want to be here now.
Goodbye, November. Thank you for everything. Goodbye everything that is done. Thank you for being done. Mmhmm.
Hello, December. I am touching you on the cheek.
Come in, come in. Let’s cross. Over and through.
Play with me…
I mess around with entry and exit each month, going with whatever shows up.
2011: July / August / September / October / November and December. Or 2012: January / February / March / April / May. A love letter to June / July / August / September / October / November.
Feel welcome to deposit notes for your entry into December here, if you like. Or drop off some wishes. Or leave flowers.
As always, we make this a safe space by not telling each other what to do, how to be or how to feel. We make room for each other.
Wishing you a December that is pleasurable, supportive, and full of unexpectedly good things. And love. All the love.
Visions #178: We Shall Be Chill And Defrazzle.
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
Ohmygod you guys. I can’t wait to tell you how outrageously/surprisingly well last week’s visioning and personal ads turned out.
Let’s see what needs to be planted for this coming week and then I will need to boggle over this some more. With you. Eeeeee! I am so astounded/pleased! And I’d be turning cartwheels if I knew how. If you know how, please do one in the comments and I will watch in wide-eyed appreciation.
Okay. This week. Let’s do this.
Thing 1: We shall be chill and defrazzle.
Here’s what I want:
The credit for this just-right statement — a motto for our times! — goes to the wonderful @vicarpac who knows what I like
I would like to live by this over the course of the coming week. And year, really. Because is that not kind of the point of the upcoming Year of Emptying & Replenishing?
So I want the spirit of this statement to infuse everything I do. I want December to be about this. And I want to play with how.
The qualities inside of the want:
Quiet. Coziness. Gemütlichkeit. Calm. Pleasure. Sweetness. Steadiness.
And of course the superpower of Grounded Enthusiasm, which is, coincidentally or not, also the secret superpower of Stompopolis.
Ways this might work:
It could just work. I am invoking it!
I’m playing with…
Thinking about what being chill and defrazzling might look and feel like. It seems like candles are appropriate. Also there should be snacks!
A long bath might be a good thing too.
Thing 2: Watching the barns burn.
Here’s what I want:
To stand and watch the barns burn.
With a glass of whiskey in my hand and a smile on my face.
Not grieving the barns. Not rejoicing over their fiery implosions. Just watching and saying, “Yup. Those were my barns and now they are not my barns anymore. Not mine and not barns. Now I don’t have to do any of the things that were in the barns.”
* Important note! No animals were injured in the imaginary burning of symbolic barns.
These are empty barns, that I happen to own. In my imagination.
Or maybe not empty but full of projects that I was kind of half-planning on half-working-on someday but more enjoying the imagining that I would do them than actually wanting to do them.
I don’t know if any of that makes sense but it seemed like some sort of disclaimer was in order.
Is this also related to what BHJ said? “Believe the craziest things. Tell no one what they are. And wait. Wait for the world to kiss you on the mouth.” I think it might be. This is important.
The qualities inside of the want:
Deconstruction. Destruction. Reconfiguring. Newness. Birth. Discovery. Laughter. Trust. Faith. Wonder. Dissolving. Potential. Possibility. Strength. Pleasure. Simplicity. Completion.
The superpower of remembering phoenix rising from the ashes while not caring whether or how this will happen.
Ways this might work:
Maybe I will tell barn stories this week. Who knows.
I mean, Barbara Sher and Haruki Murakami have written about barns burning, and now my subconscious wants to turn the thing that was very painful into a thing where I watch barns burn. So there might be something useful here.
I can stay inside the metaphor and play there.
I’m playing with…
Creating safety for a potentially difficult thing.
Sitting with the void and not trying to fill it. Watching and waiting. And laughing at how cosmically hilarious it is. Yes, this thing that past-me built in order that it might burn is now burning.
Thing 3: Help with and/or from the Magical Badger Brigade.
Here’s what I want:
I want to rendezvous with various magical badgers and not get completely overwhelmed.
This has to do with my simultaneous need for and dislike of getting things out of my head and onto paper.
I want help sorting ALL THE THINGS into “Okay, Havi Bell. Here is the one thing that you are playing with right now.” That is the magical badger of the Order of the Red Flashlights, taking me to the exact-right tree in the forest.
And also I want to write about some of various realizations and noticings that have come up through this process.
The qualities inside of the want:
Order. Sweetness. Companionship. Comfort. Shelter. Guidance. Autonomy. Serendipity. Grace. Ease. Presence. Silliness. Play.
Ways this might work:
The First Mate and I could sit down with the giant Tree Naming page that I made this weekend and come up with a plan to test.
I’m playing with…
The idea that I can like this even though right now I’m resisting it.
There is a way (many possible ways, in fact) to make this fun. And I will find it. Making not-fun things fun is one of my superpowers that I always forget about.
Thing 4: Delighted enthusiasm for the Year of Emptying & Replenishing.
Here’s what I want:
Gigantic enthusiasm and glee and movement for our sale sails.
In 2013 I am setting off on a voyage called the Year of Emptying & Replenishing.
And I am tremendously obsessed with how important this is. The word that I keep waking up with and tripping over is VITALITY. There is something vital and alive in this experience.
Anyway, I want delighted enthusiasm. In many forms. In the form of people continuing to happily come aboard! Also in the form of general enthusiasm and excitement and happiness-for-the-voyage.
And in the form of me living by these principles even before the voyage sets sail.
The qualities inside of the want:
Flowering. Readiness. Right Timing. Delight. Glee. Pleasure. Joy. Wonder. Hopefulness. Trust. Steadiness. Smiling. Sparkling. Radiance. Wind. Horizon. Possibility. Spreading. Grounding. Voyaging. Potentiality. Sweetness.
Ways this might work:
I will tell you about what it is!
Here is the page: https://fluentself.com//replenish
And here is the PASSWORD: compass
I can also put up an announcement at the Floop or in the Frolicsome Bar.
I’m playing with…
Conducting. Compassing and encompassing. Living by the essence of what this year is all about. Paying attention. Being receptive. Trying things.
Noticings about the things I want this week…
The asks are all very serious, but there’s also this really palpable desire for playfulness and laughter. It’s as if I know that lightheartedness and not taking the serious too seriously is the door right now. I find that comforting. Especially as it hasn’t really been available to me over the past few months of challenge and pain.
Bonus wishes, please!
Some of these are secret agent code and some of them are things I’m silent retreat-ing on. Some are qualities that will help. And some are almost pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.
- Finding clews everywhere.
- Remembering to pause (paws!).
- Lights.
- Hannukah means DEDICATION. Dedicating things.
- Harmonizing and congruencing. Also: pre-congruencing! Moving things out that are not yet stagnant but probably will be in a month or two. Trusting instincts on this without having to understand why or what for.
- More things that are soothing. Many forms of being rocked. But not like at a concert. Rocked like a baby. Rocked like the frog.
- More flowers.
- V’kol tomcheha me’ushar… and other happy solutions related to the Tree of Life.
- A real fake beach day, please. If that makes sense.
I’m playing with…
Laughing when I can.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
You guys! I am absolutely astounded by what happened this week. I asked for an end to the drama, not thinking that there would be one. Because, come on, that’s other people being in their stuff. I have absolutely no control over that.
So that was Sunday night, and then Monday morning I woke up and everything was different. The drama wasn’t over. But suddenly the situation was kind of funny. Not horrendously painful as it has been. Just cosmically absurd. And so I laughed.
And then someone else responded to the drama in a way that was calm, measured, steady and loving. And then the outside drama died down too. Or maybe it didn’t. I don’t know. But I can’t feel it anymore. And I am smiling again, and this feels good.
Next I wanted vibrant fiery orange as a stand-in for people to talk to about the painful thing. And that happened too!
I wore my pumpkin orange sweater and went out for drinks with Dana. Kyle showed up in orange sneakers. I poured out the stories of the hard thing and then it wasn’t as awful anymore.
Then I wanted the whisper-brunch for the Year of Emptying & Replenishing (password: compass) and I wasn’t sure if that would happen or if it needed way more time. But then it all somehow came together and I was able to tell people on Thursday.
Also all my tiny-asks came true, including more people to play with on our facebook page and also remembering the compass (I remembered at exactly the right moment too).
Playing. Shelter for the comments.
What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like. Things sparked for your own process.
I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.
We ask for what we need, and we give each other space and spaciousness for the process.
This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We play.
That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!
As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox