What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
Hi there, December.
Yes, it is time to passage between months again.
Come in, come in, superpowers of easy transitions. Exit and entry. Passaging out and passaging in.
Let’s see what we know that we didn’t know that we knew.
Passaging out of November. What worked?
Canceling appointments. Curling up. Retreating. Getting quiet. Getting quieter. Not having anything planned. Undoing and undoing and undoing. Hermit-ing.
What really worked was not doing things the way I did last November (traveling and teaching and more teaching). I built in recovery time!
And, eventually, finding the funny.
So long, November. Things I might try differently next time?
Building in more recovery time. Basically take whatever I think I need and multiply it by three. Or by something. Multiply!
Having more of a plan for Hermitsgiving. That involves going away.
Passaging into December. Hello, December!
Hi. I am glad we’re here.
Qualities I want for December.
Quiet. Presence. Sturdiness. Steadiness. Sweetness. Simplicity. Pleasure. Resonance. Reverberation. Serendipity.
I am choosing two words that I want with me in December.
Gemütlichkeit.
Ah, the marvelous and vital German concept that combines all that is good from both coziness and comfort.
Think plush rugs soft under your feet. Warm sweaters. Warm lights and candles. Things that are snug and cozy and pleasurable to touch and look at.
I want to be the snuggliest cat this December. And I want my setting, both at home and at the Playground, to invite that kind of cozy curling up and turning inward.
Another thing that I love about making things gemütlich is that you do it both for others and for yourself. Yes.
Also joyfully borrowing from Aase the Norwegian superpower of Koselig (”KOOSH-lee”; = cozy/comfy/gemütlich), which sounds like exactly what is needed here.
Chanuka. In the sense of: Dedicating.
So yes, the holiday is almost upon us. But I am thinking about the meaning of dedicating a space. Dedicating yourself to something.
Making spaces new through rededicating them. Also experiences. And therefore yourself. Commitment through presence.
I’m turning the page in the Playground calendar.
Ahahaha. Of course the word for this month is presence.
I am loving the word PRESENCE. Which is also secretly the direction of east, for those of us who were at my Crossing the Line eight day retreat.
And then the secret message at the bottom of the page is:
Follow the rabbit holes. They’ll take you where you need to go.
That’s my plan, past-me. That is my plan.
December superpowers?
Ringing all the bells. Lighting all the candles. Watching all the barns burn.
Laughing and then laughing some more.
Trust. Retreating. Trusting in the retreating.
Al hanisim.
As always, remembering what is true. And what is also true.
The superpower of Nothing Is Wrong.
Things I’m working on and playing with in December.
The main project I thought I’d be working on, the design for the 2013 Floop, is already completely ready, so that feels really good. What?! Something is done ahead of time?! Take that, monsters.
Some big Stompopolis pieces.
And of course Emptying & Replenishing (password: compass).
Lots of napping. LOTS of napping.
Things I’m looking forward to in December.
Hannukah and having a bright and cheery kitchen full of colorful candles.
Closing things down. Opening things up. Clearing things out.
Not teaching!
I’m asking for and wishing for….
Peacefulness. Focus. And some peaceful, focused vacation time.
I want to stare at water and watch the horizon. Water and horizon, please.
I’m ready for…
The compass. The bell.
Flowers everywhere. This is important.
And?
I want to be here now.
Goodbye, November. Thank you for everything. Goodbye everything that is done. Thank you for being done. Mmhmm.
Hello, December. I am touching you on the cheek.
Come in, come in. Let’s cross. Over and through.
Play with me…
I mess around with entry and exit each month, going with whatever shows up.
2011: July / August / September / October / November and December. Or 2012: January / February / March / April / May. A love letter to June / July / August / September / October / November.
Feel welcome to deposit notes for your entry into December here, if you like. Or drop off some wishes. Or leave flowers.
As always, we make this a safe space by not telling each other what to do, how to be or how to feel. We make room for each other.
Wishing you a December that is pleasurable, supportive, and full of unexpectedly good things. And love. All the love.
Visions #178: We Shall Be Chill And Defrazzle.
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
Ohmygod you guys. I can’t wait to tell you how outrageously/surprisingly well last week’s visioning and personal ads turned out.
Let’s see what needs to be planted for this coming week and then I will need to boggle over this some more. With you. Eeeeee! I am so astounded/pleased! And I’d be turning cartwheels if I knew how. If you know how, please do one in the comments and I will watch in wide-eyed appreciation.
Okay. This week. Let’s do this.
Thing 1: We shall be chill and defrazzle.
Here’s what I want:
The credit for this just-right statement — a motto for our times! — goes to the wonderful @vicarpac who knows what I like
I would like to live by this over the course of the coming week. And year, really. Because is that not kind of the point of the upcoming Year of Emptying & Replenishing?
So I want the spirit of this statement to infuse everything I do. I want December to be about this. And I want to play with how.
The qualities inside of the want:
Quiet. Coziness. Gemütlichkeit. Calm. Pleasure. Sweetness. Steadiness.
And of course the superpower of Grounded Enthusiasm, which is, coincidentally or not, also the secret superpower of Stompopolis.
Ways this might work:
It could just work. I am invoking it!
I’m playing with…
Thinking about what being chill and defrazzling might look and feel like. It seems like candles are appropriate. Also there should be snacks!
A long bath might be a good thing too.
Thing 2: Watching the barns burn.
Here’s what I want:
To stand and watch the barns burn.
With a glass of whiskey in my hand and a smile on my face.
Not grieving the barns. Not rejoicing over their fiery implosions. Just watching and saying, “Yup. Those were my barns and now they are not my barns anymore. Not mine and not barns. Now I don’t have to do any of the things that were in the barns.”
* Important note! No animals were injured in the imaginary burning of symbolic barns.
These are empty barns, that I happen to own. In my imagination.
Or maybe not empty but full of projects that I was kind of half-planning on half-working-on someday but more enjoying the imagining that I would do them than actually wanting to do them.
I don’t know if any of that makes sense but it seemed like some sort of disclaimer was in order.
Is this also related to what BHJ said? “Believe the craziest things. Tell no one what they are. And wait. Wait for the world to kiss you on the mouth.” I think it might be. This is important.
The qualities inside of the want:
Deconstruction. Destruction. Reconfiguring. Newness. Birth. Discovery. Laughter. Trust. Faith. Wonder. Dissolving. Potential. Possibility. Strength. Pleasure. Simplicity. Completion.
The superpower of remembering phoenix rising from the ashes while not caring whether or how this will happen.
Ways this might work:
Maybe I will tell barn stories this week. Who knows.
I mean, Barbara Sher and Haruki Murakami have written about barns burning, and now my subconscious wants to turn the thing that was very painful into a thing where I watch barns burn. So there might be something useful here.
I can stay inside the metaphor and play there.
I’m playing with…
Creating safety for a potentially difficult thing.
Sitting with the void and not trying to fill it. Watching and waiting. And laughing at how cosmically hilarious it is. Yes, this thing that past-me built in order that it might burn is now burning.
Thing 3: Help with and/or from the Magical Badger Brigade.
Here’s what I want:
I want to rendezvous with various magical badgers and not get completely overwhelmed.
This has to do with my simultaneous need for and dislike of getting things out of my head and onto paper.
I want help sorting ALL THE THINGS into “Okay, Havi Bell. Here is the one thing that you are playing with right now.” That is the magical badger of the Order of the Red Flashlights, taking me to the exact-right tree in the forest.
And also I want to write about some of various realizations and noticings that have come up through this process.
The qualities inside of the want:
Order. Sweetness. Companionship. Comfort. Shelter. Guidance. Autonomy. Serendipity. Grace. Ease. Presence. Silliness. Play.
Ways this might work:
The First Mate and I could sit down with the giant Tree Naming page that I made this weekend and come up with a plan to test.
I’m playing with…
The idea that I can like this even though right now I’m resisting it.
There is a way (many possible ways, in fact) to make this fun. And I will find it. Making not-fun things fun is one of my superpowers that I always forget about.
Thing 4: Delighted enthusiasm for the Year of Emptying & Replenishing.
Here’s what I want:
Gigantic enthusiasm and glee and movement for our sale sails.
In 2013 I am setting off on a voyage called the Year of Emptying & Replenishing.
And I am tremendously obsessed with how important this is. The word that I keep waking up with and tripping over is VITALITY. There is something vital and alive in this experience.
Anyway, I want delighted enthusiasm. In many forms. In the form of people continuing to happily come aboard! Also in the form of general enthusiasm and excitement and happiness-for-the-voyage.
And in the form of me living by these principles even before the voyage sets sail.
The qualities inside of the want:
Flowering. Readiness. Right Timing. Delight. Glee. Pleasure. Joy. Wonder. Hopefulness. Trust. Steadiness. Smiling. Sparkling. Radiance. Wind. Horizon. Possibility. Spreading. Grounding. Voyaging. Potentiality. Sweetness.
Ways this might work:
I will tell you about what it is!
Here is the page: https://fluentself.com//replenish
And here is the PASSWORD: compass
I can also put up an announcement at the Floop or in the Frolicsome Bar.
I’m playing with…
Conducting. Compassing and encompassing. Living by the essence of what this year is all about. Paying attention. Being receptive. Trying things.
Noticings about the things I want this week…
The asks are all very serious, but there’s also this really palpable desire for playfulness and laughter. It’s as if I know that lightheartedness and not taking the serious too seriously is the door right now. I find that comforting. Especially as it hasn’t really been available to me over the past few months of challenge and pain.
Bonus wishes, please!
Some of these are secret agent code and some of them are things I’m silent retreat-ing on. Some are qualities that will help. And some are almost pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.
- Finding clews everywhere.
- Remembering to pause (paws!).
- Lights.
- Hannukah means DEDICATION. Dedicating things.
- Harmonizing and congruencing. Also: pre-congruencing! Moving things out that are not yet stagnant but probably will be in a month or two. Trusting instincts on this without having to understand why or what for.
- More things that are soothing. Many forms of being rocked. But not like at a concert. Rocked like a baby. Rocked like the frog.
- More flowers.
- V’kol tomcheha me’ushar… and other happy solutions related to the Tree of Life.
- A real fake beach day, please. If that makes sense.
I’m playing with…
Laughing when I can.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
You guys! I am absolutely astounded by what happened this week. I asked for an end to the drama, not thinking that there would be one. Because, come on, that’s other people being in their stuff. I have absolutely no control over that.
So that was Sunday night, and then Monday morning I woke up and everything was different. The drama wasn’t over. But suddenly the situation was kind of funny. Not horrendously painful as it has been. Just cosmically absurd. And so I laughed.
And then someone else responded to the drama in a way that was calm, measured, steady and loving. And then the outside drama died down too. Or maybe it didn’t. I don’t know. But I can’t feel it anymore. And I am smiling again, and this feels good.
Next I wanted vibrant fiery orange as a stand-in for people to talk to about the painful thing. And that happened too!
I wore my pumpkin orange sweater and went out for drinks with Dana. Kyle showed up in orange sneakers. I poured out the stories of the hard thing and then it wasn’t as awful anymore.
Then I wanted the whisper-brunch for the Year of Emptying & Replenishing (password: compass) and I wasn’t sure if that would happen or if it needed way more time. But then it all somehow came together and I was able to tell people on Thursday.
Also all my tiny-asks came true, including more people to play with on our facebook page and also remembering the compass (I remembered at exactly the right moment too).
Playing. Shelter for the comments.
What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like. Things sparked for your own process.
I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.
We ask for what we need, and we give each other space and spaciousness for the process.
This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We play.
That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!
As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox
Friday Chicken #227: The Mysterious Order of Red Flashlights.
Where I cover the good and the hard in my week, visiting the non-preachy side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
I am pleased to report that this week a wide variety of perfect simple solutions showed up when they were needed.
This may or may not have anything to do with the fact that I am finding the funny again.
Also this week I said the following thing and it one hundred percent made sense:
I am off to rendezvous with a representative of the Magical Badger Brigade. He’s part of the Order of the Red Flashlight! It’s all very exciting and hush-hush. By jove, if that’s not the real hanky panky! That’s how you do it in the Bengal Lancers!
What worked?
Taking it to the cafe.
This was the right thing to do, over and over again.
Listening to the Havis.
The collective of internal Havis were not happy (Havi Bell needs an Emergency Vacation! Impending mutiny if she doesn’t get one!), and I forgot to listen but then I listened.
It took a while to really get what they wanted. Once I got it, everything changed. I also had a long listen with Havi-who-was-hurt-and-angry, and recognized just how much protecting of me she has done. That was useful.
Talking it out.
Over and over again, this proved to be the most helpful thing.
Next time I might…
Replenish first, even when that is scary.
The collective of internal Havis is very, very displeased that we worked on the weekend. And on Fake Beach Day.
So we’re going back to truth: empty first. Replenish first.
Ask for company.
It couldn’t hurt.
Start the day in my conducting vault.
That’s what it’s there for…
The hard.
- Oh, the people. Not you! Other people. With the making of assumptions and jumping to conclusions. It’s exhausting.
- Still with the drama. The unnecessary drama.
- Nightmares. PTSD nightmares. Lots of them.
- Not sleeping well because of the nightmares.
- Surprise business emergency! Unexpected challenge meant unexpected reconfiguring that changed plans and timelines. Which I think is going to be fine? Maybe? But oh man did this throw me for a loop. Loops. Thrown.
- Not doing the things that help.
- Knocked out by a virus in the middle of the week.
- Not knowing how to solve a problem.
- Running into walls in the internal video game.
- Doubt.
- Deadlines.
- Fallout from not doing the things that help.
- Issues around food — stuff I thought I’d resolved years ago — showing up again unexpectedly.
- Second-guessing everything.
- There was way too much stuff in my head and I got panicky and didn’t want to brain-dump even though I knew it would help.
- All the monsters. All monsters all the time. Monsters having a field day. An actual field day, doing long jumps and eating red popsicles and falling down in mud puddles. We had to have about a million negotiations this week.
- Forgetting to pause (paws!).
- I made a choice (because of the Unexpected Challenge) to work through the weekend and beach day and puttering day. It was the right choice. And it sucked.
- Needing to explain something and not having the words. Or any words. Feeling helpless about that.
The good.
- Spending all weekend with my playmate. Cats and bells.
- Sunday afternoon with Danielle. Slow sweet yoga. Companionship.
- On Monday I woke up and for the first time since this whole awful mess started however many months ago, I laughed about it. It still sucks and it still hurts but it was also somehow cosmically funny.
- On Tuesday I laughed some more.
- And by Wednesday I was able — for the first time in months — to respond to the question “how are you” with something more positive than the awkward “ohhhh, hanging in there” or the truth: “actually, everything is really really really hard right now.” On Wednesday, I felt fantastic. This is new and exciting.
- Sitting in cafes and watching the rain and writing writing writing writing.
- I know exactly what I want to do next year.
- And I was able to write about it.
- Oh man. All the points for metaphor mouse, who helped me figure out that what I really need instead of [the dreaded brain dump] is a Magical Badger of the Brigade of Magical Badgers, Order of the Red Flashlights to guide me through the forest to the tree where there is one door with one next step.
- Learning a lot about how I work and what I need. Making adjustments.
- The Floop! So much love and support there. I don’t know what I would do without it.
- Monster-negotiating was brilliant. They are now super excited about their field day, and using their field day games to generate fun, which in turn will help me get back to peacefulness.
- Watching British television and hearing someone pronounce lasagna as follows: La-ZANN-ya. I feel exquisite delight about this.
- Drinks and girl-talk with Dana.
- Pirate booty and storytelling with @vicarpac. And the Second Saddest Raccoon.
- Alon pointed out that two of my Unsolveable Problems do not actually need solving. This turned out to be true.
- I am a madcap masterpiecer! Of the masterpieces!
- I brunched the Year of Emptying & Replenishing! This has been my heart-love and tiny sweet thing, and now I get to tell people about it.
- Turning the Unexpected Challenge into an Unexpected Sale felt like a loving thing to do, not an uncomfortable compromise. I’m actually weirdly glad it worked out this way.
- Comfort.
- Speaking of comfort. This little guy. What a schmoo!
Superpowers!
A superpower I had this week…
The superpower of Actually This Is Kind Of Funny.
And the superpower of I Truly Believe This Is Going To Work Even Though I Can’t See How Yet.
And a superpower I want next week.
The superpower of This IS Right Timing Because It Just Is.
And also the superpower of choosing ease. Even if things aren’t easy and I can’t find a way to make them easier. Choosing it as a state of being. This also has to do with the power of peacefulness.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
Background. Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once invented hanging out at the Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
This week’s band is:
Cosmically Hilarious
They’re just that funny.
Though, of course, as it turns out, to no one’s surprise but mine, apparently it’s just one guy.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
You guys! The YEAR OF EMPTYING & REPLENISHING! And a semi-secret sale.
Explanation. I’m running only one program in 2013. I’ve never felt so over-the-top passionately intently devoted to something before. It feels vital and immediate: this is the thing that’s needed.
The plan was: announce it next month. Prices all lined up (reduced at first, full-price in January). But then the Unexpected Challenge happened and I decided to temporarily drop the sale prices *lower*. By a lot. Through Wed (Dec 7).
Also: Anyone who gets a sailing ticket by tomorrow night, Dec 1st, gets a prize — a lovely prize that a monkey wearing a pig-hat pulls from an imaginary barrel.
The page –> https://fluentself.com//replenish
The PASSWORD –> compass
And if you’re not into it or this isn’t the right time, there is some interesting “what Havi is thinking about” food for thought on the page, as well as some soothing peacefulness. Take whatever works and the rest will work out when it works out. <3
That’s it for me …
Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!
We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
The Treasure Box of Tiny Stones.
At the Playground, where I work play, there is a very small treasure box.
Whenever you remember something that hurts, you drop a tiny stone from the bowl of tiny stones into the treasure box.
If it hurts a lot, you can drop more stones. All the stones! It’s okay.
Each stone makes a sound halfway between a tiny plop and a tiny thunk. A tiny plop-thunk. It is the best.
When the treasure box is full of stones, you empty the stones back into their bowl, and you begin again.
Here is what the box is good for.
Recognition.
Guess what? Things from then can still be painful, even if they are over.
They can still get to be painful.
Plop-thunk.
Legitimacy.
It is okay that this thing still hurts.
Or that I have uncovered a new hurt.
It’s okay that I am feeling whatever it is that I’m feeling, even if I’m not sure why this is coming up right now.
Actually, sometimes why isn’t even the right question.
This is what I’m feeling. Plop-thunk.
This is what is true for me in this moment. Legitimate.Plop-thunk.
There is nothing wrong with me for feeling this. Plop-thunk.
Comfort.
There is the having-something-to-do part, which is comforting. Plop-thunk.
The ritualized aspect, which is (for me) also comforting.
There is a symbolic but very physical repository for pain, which is comforting.
The stones are there for you whenever you need them, which is comforting.
And you are also comforting yourself through giving legitimacy to the feelings and marking the moment of being in them.
Interruptions.
Plop-thunk is the sound of patterns being interrupted.
Telling the story of a break-up, for example, is very different when you do it while sitting by the treasure box of stones.
You tell the story differently.
It’s almost like you get to tell the story without going into the story.
You have to be paying attention because you’re dropping stones as you talk. So it’s not the same old story. It’s a new one.
This version of the story comes with awareness and is accompanied by acknowledgment. Rewritten through the addition of sweet pauses. All the old patterns getting interrupted with love.
Because tiny stones are the most compassionate interruption there is. Plop-thunk-plop-thunk-plop-thunk..
Flow.
Sometimes this thing happens where we tell stories about old pain, and then the telling just serves to reinforce something. We go into wheel-grinding. Each retelling makes the narrative that much more rigid, deepening the pain-grooves and the perception of being wronged.
But! When you tell your story while dropping stones into a treasure box (plop-thunk!), everything begins to move again.
New insights reveal themselves. Something that used to be about disillusion can suddenly turn out to be about discovery. Or freedom.
Stories (like anything else) are made new when you get to interact with them in a new way. Yay, unexpected opportunities for movement. Plop-thunk.
Presence.
Oh. Hello, pain. This is me and this is my pain and this is my stuff and this is me reminding myself that I am noticing all of this.
And every time I notice, I’m stepping out of the pain-experience and into a new state: the loving-observer-of-me-going-through-the-pain-experience.
I am being with the pain and with the me-who-is-in-pain. But I am not the pain itself. This leads to the (advanced practice! super hard! but really great!) superpower of compassionate detachment. And to love and permission. To all the good things, really.
And I can do this even while I’m in the hard. Even when I’m not liking being in the hard. Just by dropping a stone into a box.
Each plop-thunk of stone-into-box is helping me be the tiniest bit more conscious. Plop-thunk. Plop-thunk..
Reminders.
I am here, now.
Now is not then.
I have different tools and different skills that weren’t available to me the last time I felt this way.
There are always more stones.
Commenting blanket fort. Come play, if you like.
Seriously. There are always more stones.
If you would like (plop-thunk!) to drop a stone or several stones or ALL THE STONES here, you are welcome to.
In a way, it’s a bit like bringing things to the fountain. Or throwing things into the pot. And it also works really well as a subset of silent retreat.
So if you would like to play, I would love to have company. Drop in stones with me. Or say plop-thunk with me. Or leave something that got sparked for you.
The usual reminders: We all have our stuff. We’re all working on our stuff. It’s a process. We make this a safe and welcoming space by not putting our stuff onto other people. We take care of ourselves while not trying to take care of anyone else.
Visions #177: Safe passages for everyone.
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
Thing 1: No more drama, please.
Here’s what I want:
Well, what I would really like is for all the myriad tempests-in-teapots to calm down.
What does that mean for me? I guess I am asking for peacefulness and sweetness and perspective. Also that magical thing of how time-heals-all-wounds.
And since I can only work on the part that is mine, I would like to undo whatever relationship I have with drama.
I want to release any need I have in any part of my life to have things be fraught or tempestuous. I want to commit to living my life in an environment where the people around me automatically, as a matter of course, turn inward and work on their stuff when there is stuff.
Enough with the stirring up. We choose quiet sitting instead.
That is what I want. To be in this world where steadiness and peacefulness are important to everyone involved. To commit to this.
It doesn’t mean that stuff doesn’t go haywire, because such is life. It means that the people in my world are, like me, committed to getting quiet, turning inward and breathing, also in times of wah-it-is-all-haywire.
The qualities inside of the want:
Peacefulness. Spaciousness. Love. Presence. Patience. Sovereignty. Autonomy. Compassion.
Ways this might work:
Turning inward. Changing internal space through changing external space. Being curious, gentle and loving. Sitting shiva. Mourning and grieving. Rewriting the patterns.
I’m also open to some miraculous dissolving-of-drama all around.
I’m playing with…
Living by this.
Taking time for writing and processing. Taking it to the red rug, to the floor, to the ground. Reclining. Breathing. Dissolving and radiating.
Thing 2: Vibrant fiery orange.
Here’s what I want:
This is a wish about vitality and aliveness. And also about company, because there is a painful situation I wish I could talk about and I am not at liberty to discuss it.
I want [vibrant fiery orange], which is a stand-in for all of this. Vitality. Enthusiasm. For these qualities to show up inside of loving, private spaces where I can also talk things out. Ease-filled resolution.
The qualities inside of the want:
Vitality. Aliveness. Community. Comfort. Sustenance. Sweetness. Power. Presence. Appreciation. Warmth. Vibrancy. Courage. Strength. Companionship. Togetherness.
Ways this might work:
Actually, there are safe places where I can talk this out. That is important.
I can talk about it with Richard, Marisa and Danielle.
I can text with my former partner-in-crime.
Maybe it can become part of storytelling hour.
I can talk about it on the Floop if I stay inside of the metaphor.
Maybe I will call Svevo.
I’m playing with…
Finding this color of orange everywhere, and knowing that it is my ally. Being at the Playground which is full of orange, and also full of safety.
Remembering that I can also always talk with slightly future me. I am my own source of companionship and comfort.
Thing 3: The whisper brunch for the Year of Emptying & Replenishing.
Here’s what I want:
I am ready to whisper-tell people about the one-and-only thing that I am offering in 2013.
I want to quietly let this come out into the world with love.
The qualities inside of the want:
Rejoicing. Safety. Protection. Provision. Delight. Sparkliness. Radiance. Humming. Belonging. Welcoming. Sweetness. Courage. Presence. Permission. Ease.
Ways this might work:
I will tell everyone who owns the Gwish Kit because they get the lower prices and the best deal and the first look. I will whisper to the list of whispers.
I will dance and bounce and write it love letters and sing it little songs.
I’m playing with…
Delight. Knowing and remembering that I am being one hundred percent true to myself and to the mission of this ship. Crossing the crossings, opening the doors, stepping through.
Making this fun, for me and for everyone. Because even though yes, it’s a new voyage, it is a marvelous adventure under a sky full of glowing stars. Yes.
Noticings about the things I want this week…
I am really really really into sweetness. Sweetness and comfort, autonomy and freedom. And all three of these asks are actually about safe passages. Who knew.
Bonus wishes, please!
Some of these are secret agent code and some of them are things I’m silent retreat-ing on. Some are qualities that will help. And some are almost pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.
- More people hanging out on the Frolicsome Bar — that’s what I call our Facebook page. Liking and playing. I want to play! Yay.
- Sparkliness.
- Remembering the compass.
- Postponing things that need postponing.
- Perfect simple solutions everywhere.
- Making a decision about the weekend.
- Wonderful surprises.
- Making peace with things. Having this happen in a sweet and mild way. See? No drama.
I’m playing with…
Trust, trust and more trust. Trusting more . No. More than that. Still more. Doing the opposite of my initial panic instinct, which is to turtle up and never trust anyone again. Hello, trust. Let’s start again. And if I can’t always do this? That is okay too. Safety first, sweetheart.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I wanted my own personal Ducking Out from Thanksgiving, and I had Hermitsgiving:
Twas the afternoon of Hermitsgiving, and all through Hoppy House
Havi Bell was writing while being a cozy little mouse.
The scene: Fireplace. Rug. Cushions. Candles. Lamps. Mug of tea. Stuffed bear wearing a pig hat. Hot water bottle in lap! Also: Notebook.
So yeah, that was good. It was also really hard because of some PTSD stuff that showed up. But the plan itself was solid. I will make adjustments for next year.
Then I wanted all the closets to become not-closets, and it totally happened. Huge rearranging of the house!
I also wanted to write about a bunch of things and, amazingly, I was able to write about most of them.
And I wanted to make progress on the year of X and Y, and guess what? Very much huge progress yay.
Playing. Shelter for the comments.
What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like. Things sparked for your own process.
I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.
We ask for what we need, and we give each other space and spaciousness for the process.
This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We play.
That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!
As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox