What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
Visions #165: Just 5 days left of Plum Duff!
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
Okay, we have kind of a lot of these today.
I am humming a hum while I write them.
Thing 1: Excitement for Plum Duff! Ease. Joyfulness.
Here’s what I want:
It’s Plum Duff!
Plum Duff is this thing that we do very occasionally in the business where you can get stuff you normally can’t, and there are bonuses and everything is just better.
So there are a couple things I want related to this.
One is JOYFUL ENTHUSIASM and great excitement. Much rejoicing!
And the other is this:
Plum Duff goes until September 14. That sounds crazy far away because in my mind we’re still only like, halfway through July.
But actually it is in only five days, and also: five days go by incredibly fast.
And what always happens with Plum Duff is that it disappears in a whoosh! Puff. Of. Smoke.
Then people make the saddest faces because they thought they had time but they missed it. So I either need to remember to send out a reminder email (highly unlikely!) or people need to remember that Plum Duff is going to end sooner than they think.
Or we could just sell out of everything. That would work too.
Ways this might work:
I can do things in a grand fashion. And maybe even — who knows? — like a fairground stripper. Because that’s always fun.
But yeah. I can have fun with this.
I can be curious about this.
I can write about this.
And I can make it part of my project this week at Rally (Rally!).
But it has to be ease-filled. I have enough to do this week. Let it be fun, please.
I’m playing with…
Singing South Australia.
And giving you guys the link! Here is the link to the plum duff page, which asks for a PASSWORD and the password is heaveaway and I am also going to tell you again so that people do not write and ask for the password.
THE PASSWORD! HERE IT IS. I AM GIVING IT TO YOU NOW: heaveaway
Thing 2: Fridays off.
Here’s what I want:
What if…. what if we took Fridays off?
But a different kind of off. Off from all the usual things that we do when not working. Not going to dance. Not going anywhere.
A day for HOUSE. For dishes and laundry and sweet slow intentional puttering. For being with the garden. For closing things that need closing.
To drink juice and take naps and just be at home not doing things.
Glasses, not contacts. Just OFF. To be off.
And for this to be ritual and have a name, not to feel like sick or depressed. Not to have a checklist of things (even though I would like possibilities, like the Sending of Postcards to Svevo. Or the Calling of Amna!).
Ways this might work:
I don’t know. I really want this!
I’m playing with…
Skipping some stones.
Thing 3: the tiniest pile, may it magically disappear.
Here’s what I want:
These eight pieces of paper have been sitting by my bed for three weeks.
I could look at them. I could do something with them.
I think it’s time.
Ways this might work:
Make a playdate with Marisa!
Bring it to Rally!
Use the Floop!
Find out if there are any iguanas hiding.
I’m playing with…
Putting it here. May it move and change.
Thing 4: How is this useful? Specifically, where is the treasure?
Here’s what I want:
Something interesting happened this week.
I was feeling VERY upset about getting screwed over by that place that took my money and closed.
And then Harmony (that’s Incoming Me, slightly-future me) had something to say about that and I did not like it.
But basically her point was that something very good can come out of this if I let it, but that I have to get quiet enough to find out what it is.
She also said that I need to ask Kiva about what’s happening with the furniture. So that was interesting.
Also she wants me to turn my closet into a reading nook. I have no idea what to do about that. Harmony is even more kookypants than I am.
Ways this might work:
You know what?
This needs to also be a fractal flower for other things. YES.
And I do want to talk to Kiva about this. And Ashley. They’re my only connections that I know of. But Portland is a small town disguised as a city, I probably have lots of connections. Ask Hope too. And Dana.
I’m playing with…
Asking over and over again, with no forced gratitude, only curiosity:
How could this frustrating situation possibly turn out to be good and/or useful for me? I still don’t have to like it, but where are the hidden doors?
And then listening and taking notes.
Thing 5: Two presents for Havi Bell. Well, a date for progress on these.
Here’s what I want:
One has to do with the secret coronation and one has to do with the love seat which is a very interesting word (love plus seat, love and seat, love and sitting, everyone should love sitting).
Both of these are highly charged with Havi-Stuff.
So she is going to have to work on the stuff before she can be okay with thinking about these.
Ways this might work:
Third person. Always third person.
Havi can use a proxy. She can use a metaphor. She will probably need secret code all over the place.
I’m playing with…
Wanting, being conflicted, wanting anyway.
Setting a reminder here that the ask is not for the things themselves or even making progress on the things themselves.
It is just about being slightly more okay with the wanting.
Thing 6: Index cards doing magic.
Here’s what I want:
There is a systems issue at Stompopolis, and I need to work it out this week.
My plan is to play with ALL THE INDEX CARDS.
And somehow the right patterns will reveal themselves.
Ways this might work:
I could make a board like a detective might do.
Or a secret wall like Charlie Crews (Charlie Crews!) had for mapping out the mystery and related possible conspiracies in Life.
I can do shiva nata on it until I see all the patterns and the new configurations.
I can talk to slightly future me about what will help.
I’m playing with…
Asking the 1st Mate to pick up some index cards. Colorful ones!
Wearing a costume.
Dancing around the room like a madwoman.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
One of the things I wanted the most was to find some sort of replacement for Beach Day that I could do on the Monday of Labor Day. And a big part of that was uncovering what the hidden elements are that make a day at the beach what it is.
So it turned out that one of those elements is the fact that everyone else is at work. So none of my possible-beach-day scenarios ended up being appealing to me. That was very interesting. I had a lovely nap, and a lovely playdate with my playmate. And it was kind of like a sick day. I think next year I may need to try actually going somewhere that feels like a holiday.
I wanted to brunch Plum Duff and we did it! In the last minute!
Then I wanted to write the big OOD, and I did not. It is scaring me. Taking that to Rally.
I also wanted to exit August and enter September, and we did both of those things here on the blog.
Also I wanted to prepare for a visit, and there was much thinking about that.
And I wanted to turn a corner, and the corner is here. This week, baby. Let’s do it.
Playful playing. Shelter for the comments.
What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like.
Here or on your own or in your head. It’s all fine. Or call silent retreat!
I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.
If you’re looking for suggestions or heart-sighs or anything else related to your wish, you will need to ask for that because our default mode is giving each other space and spaciousness for the process.
This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We make space for people’s wishes.
That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!
As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox
Postscript! You guys! Plum Duff is over in just FIVE DAYS. Plum Duff is magical and sparkly and great, and I want you to read about Plum Duff before it’s gone so that I don’t have to write about it! Password: heaveaway
Friday Chicken #215: and golden goblets
In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
Yet again I have absolutely no idea how it is Friday, and actually I feel a little bit disoriented by how not-Friday everything feels.
But here we are. Let’s peek.
The hard stuff
And the stupid part is that I didn’t even have the flu.
You know that thing that happens after you have the flu and you’re recovering, and everything sucks?
Because: you are tired. And cranky. And everything takes longer and feels heavier. Also things you normally like weigh you down.
And things you normally don’t mind are not fun.
This week felt exactly like that, except I didn’t have the flu so I wasn’t recovering from it.
It wasn’t like being depressed at all, it was EXACTLY like recovering from flu.
Ugh. Labor day.
It just felt like a sick day.
Stayed in bed.
I like this but I kind of wish that I didn’t.
Found out that someone I like used to skateboard, you guys!
Skateboarding is some serious Havi Catnip. I may like this person a little bit too much right now. I wish I did not have this piece of information!
Trying not to think about it. Lalalalalalala pancakes. As Lisa would say.
Stood up at three different appointments.
I have nothing to say about this.
Unbelievably unproductive.
May have reached new levels of not getting stuff done.
That’s what happens when you take a break from shiva nata.
And also when you have imaginary-flu that you are recovering from.
And also when you need a vacation.
Not taking iron.
This is not good.
Worried about something and can’t do anything about it.
But still worrying.
I am so upset about this!
My favorite place in town, now my least favorite place in town, is where I go for an amazing massage when I really, really, really needed that.
Their stuff is not inexpensive but they do deals on occasion. This year I gave myself a birthday gift of twelve treatments, to be spread out at delicious intervals. For meeee!
And the second one was supposed to be this week but they didn’t call me to confirm so I called them. Phone disconnected. They’re closed.
They’ve been in business for over a decade. Did not see this coming.
So yes, I’m upset that I paid for 12 treatments and only had one of them. But really I am more upset that they didn’t even, I don’t know, send an apology email. I mean, ANYTHING. Just to, I don’t know, acknowledge how awful it is.
And this is somehow worse because all summer long I have been comforting myself with the thought that yes, things are challenging right now but later I am going to have the best massage ever and have hot oil put in my hair and I will be happy.
And now none of those things are going to happen and my favorite place a) doesn’t exist and b) I don’t like them. Upset!
Also, didn’t this just happen? Oh, three years ago? And no, that situation never got resolved. The Better Business Bureau was useless, everyone we talked to was useless, we never got our mail. If you were still wondering.
The not-good news is still not-good news.
I want this to change please!
For the better, please.
The good stuff
I am okay.
This is not new but this week it was a very big deal.
And: I remembered that I am okay, and this was also a big deal.
Plum Duff! Plum Duff!
Plum Duff is something we do in the business maybe once a year that I would like to do more often. It’s not really a sale but it’s better than a sale!
Oh man, it was so much work to make it happen. But we pulled it off.
And now it is Plum Duff, and Plum Duff is the best, and I will tell you more about this when I make my announcement in the announcing part.
This is my favorite thing that we do. It makes for so many happy people and I get to be a part of it, and also it spreads hope and joyfulness and possibility. These are important things.
Ohmygod. The beautiful things people have been saying about Plum duff!
This is a very good reminder for me because I tend to think that people are all, oh right, that thing I wanted, now I will get it.
But they are so excited!
People all over the world who can’t come to the Playground are getting buttmonsters to squeeze, all through the magical door that is Plum Duff. Password: heaveaway
Anyway, the people who are getting Plum Duff stuff are so so so happy that it’s Plum Duff time. They are saying the most wonderful things in the shopping cart. The First Mate forwarded to me!
Like this:
“Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you x eleventy with extra special bounces for the plum duff toy shop specialness!!”
My heart is full of love and gladness. Thank you for reminding me.
I became a dragon this week!
Maybe I will tell you guys the story some time. It has to do with ritual and play, two of my favorite things.
It was cool. I now have the superpowers of many, many knights.
And the golden goblets.
Shiva Nata and wonder and delight.
I ran a training this week for an injured roller derby player, and it was AWESOME.
A new verb.
Of course. To play shiva nata. That is correct. Why did I not realize this before?
Then I played shiva nata, and everything was better.
All the ideas! I have all the ideas!
Amazing shiva nata that turned into a children’s book! And more.
I was playing with words and playing shiva nata, with my body and brain at the same time, and the words turned themselves into a story!:
So now we’re going to turn shiva nata into children’s stories. Into a shivanautical generator for children’s stories. And illustrate them.
Genius! Fun. Play. Adore. More on this to come.
Comfort.
There was comfort this week.
Thank you, Floop.
Thank you, Marisa. Thank you, Chuck. Thank you, everyone who showed up.
Havi’s playmate: Of course. Even when you’re sad.
Havi: That’s fortunate, because I have kind of a lot of sad.
Playmate: I have kind of a lot of “will sit with you and be with you.”
Playdates.
This was a week of playdate after playdate.
I think I said that last week too?
I like to play. I like to play like this. I like how it’s always different and always surprising and always new.
Happy.
Playdate Unplugged.
Unplugged!
Because everything is better unplugged.
But in this case: literally unplugging the plugs.
I will stop explaining now.
I am taking today off.
Unplugged. Again.
I am feeling hopeful about things that I was not feeling hopeful about before.
Finally.
The invention of the Cuddle Sutra.
There are many new sutras in the Cuddle Sutra.
I am going to be the expert in the arts of Imaginary Snuggling come winter.
Is this a proxy? It might be….
Rally is this coming week! Monday!
God I love Rally.
The fun part of the Chickening happens here.
Tabstravaganza! Or: what’s Havi been up to with all those open Firefox tabs?
- I am surproused. Very surproused! By so many things right now.
- These opinions overlap with mine way more than they should. These are actually the right opinions. Oh, the Onion.
- Black Hockey Jesus, still someone I love and care about. And the only person who could write a review of his daughter reading to him.
- The AV club is doing their wonderful “get a bunch of amazing people to cover songs” thing again, and I love this and also I am so in love with Sharon Van Etten. As you know. My favorites this round were hers, obviously and this one (I have a known weakness for ridiculously skinny men singing), and also Memoryhouse doing the Police. It’s wonderful. People doing the magic thing that happens when you get together and SUDDENLY-MUSIC. The sad part is that you have to put up with Starbucks ads, and I loathe Starbucks more than I could possibly ever describe to you. And, as with anywhere-on-the-internet-that-is-not-here, avoid the comments.
Playing live at the meme beach house — it’s the Fake Band of the Week!
Background? Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once translated “people will hate me and be jealous” to “they’ll hang out at my Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
This week’s band is by way of my playmate, once again.
Out of context. But what isn’t?
The Leaping Croutons.
They’re loud and bouncy.
Though, of course, as you might have already guessed…. it’s really just one guy.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
You guys! PLUM DUFF!
It is now Plum Duff. Temporarily, at least.
Plum Duff days are the very best days. The best!
There are bonuses. There are amazing things that you normally can’t get. Things are special, sparkly and beautiful. And sweet.
The story and the Very Great Things are on the plum duff page, which needs a PASSWORD and the password is heaveaway but I am also going to put it below, like so:
THE PASSWORD! HERE IT IS. I AM GIVING IT TO YOU NOW: heaveaway
That’s it for me …
Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!
We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
Hello, September. Let’s passage in.
It’s time to say hello to September, isn’t it.
I have been avoiding this. Surprise!
Mostly because September means the chagim: all the complicated Jewish holidays and the New Year. The cheshbon nefesh (literally: soul accounting) that goes along with that.
And I haven’t wanted to turn inward. I haven’t wanted to reflect.
I know, I know. I like reflecting. But this past year has been full of so much hard for me.
And then this morning I thought of something incredibly reassuring.
A reassuring thing (for me!) about September.
It occurred to me all of a sudden that hey wait what if this year of hard is almost over.
A symbolic crossing of a symbolic bridge.
Which could happen anywhere, of course, but look: a convenient and beautiful new year that is already where I begin counting the months and moons.
Recently I learned that my playmate counts the days of the year, which I love. (So, for example, today is Day 250. Hello, Day 250!)
But why would I start counting in January? What if my Year of Grief And Sorrow (and yes, it is a year, not ten months and not fourteen, I just know this to be true) is about to end come September?
I have decided that this is the case. It is its own sweet form of Amnesty.
This is the month where I transition out of the passage of all the things that are lost and passage into the place of filling up again.
That’s what it’s here for, and that’s what I’m here for. This is what I came to this morning.
Filling up.
I woke up on September 1st and I said — out loud: “It is time to fill up again.”
I had no idea what it meant.
Replenishing. This is a good and desired thing, yes. But where did it come from?
Then the next day I flipped the page on the Playground calendar, and it turns out that this is the month of Filling Up.
I chose that for this month over a year ago, and it stuck.
This is the month for filling up. For filling back up. For undoing depletion. For harmonizing. For saying yes to provision. For filling all the wells and drinking from all the wells and being all the wells. For delighting in the idea of plenty.
This is the month of FILLING UP.
It is decided. 🙂
What do I want to fill up on, September?
Oh September!
I want to fill up on you, sweet month of transition and change.
I want to fill up on all the lovely smells.
I want to fill up on trust and support, on wonder and delight.
Agility and flexibility, safety and protection, love and more love.
Containment and spaciousness, grounding and buoyancy.
Freedom. Effervescence. Strength. Fortitude. Reassurance. Lightness. Beauty. Marveling. Creative play.
All the possibilities and all the openings, just like in shiva nata.
My September wishes:
Graceful navigation of all circumstances.
Presence. Less reactive and more curious.
Ease.
Agile mind. Agile body.
Let me see beautiful things everywhere and be a source of beautiful things.
Things I’m looking forward to in September:
- Layers! Wearing them.
- Garden walks.
- Tashlich.
- Rally!
- Discovering perfect simple solutions and laughing about how I didn’t see them before.
- Entry for the Crossing.
- Seeing Bryan.
- Miracles.
- Stompopolis!!!!
- Playing with my playmate and delighting in play.
- Rethinking what I want for the coming year: adjusting and moving with it.
What I want for September and for me-in-September….
Be a turning point.
Be a bend in the river.
Be the river.
Be full of clews. More and better!
Flow and passion and welcoming.
Love, love, love, love, love, love, love.
Saying: I AM HERE NOW.
Being here now.
Play with me?
This practice is so different from month to month. I go with whatever comes. And this is what showed up this time (insert wry smile here).
For other variations, peek at: last July / August / September / October / November / December / January / February / March / April / May. A love letter to June. This year’s July and this year’s August.
You are welcome to write your own hello letter to September, if you like.
Or you can leave little pebbles for my love letter. Or drop off some gwishes for the month.
As always, we make this a safe space by not telling each other what to do, how to be or how to feel. We make room for each other.
Wishing you the most just-right September possible. May it be full of unexpectedly good things. And love. All the love.
Passage Out of August.
As we discovered last month, I am not so good with the goodbyes. Even though I adore entering things and saying hello.
Last month I was able to exit the month by passaging out of it. No goodbyes. Just sweet farewells.
So let’s try that again.
A loving look back at everything August turned out to be , so that I can enter September with a full heart.
Okay, August. Let us look at you and remember. Show me what I am done with and what I need to take with me. What I get to take with me.
August, oh August. Things I loved about August.
August was a month of neverending playdates. August was new forms of play and new configurations. August was coming home to understanding that I am someone who knows how to play .
August was sun.
Even more than that, August was me not hating the sun. Not getting triggered by the heat. Not hiding from it and not resenting it.
I got a tan. An actual tan. For the first time in years. I went to the beach every week and stared at the water for hours at a time.
Marisa was here, briefly, and we played and were in love with being together, and hopeful about all the hopeful things.
I worked through many, many layers of the unbelievable pain and grief of this past year. For the first time since oh, March, I wasn’t in the pain or as close to it, at least not to the same degree. More perspective, fewer tears.
Many fun people showed up in my life in August. Like Matt. And Jenny.
August was love. August was exploration and sweet meandering. August was receiving and giving and finding out what it’s like to be like this or to be like that. August was improvisation.
Things that were hard in August.
The awful piece of news that shook me and rattled me and undid all sorts of things.
(If you are feeling worried, please know this: I am healthy. I am safe. I am just really, really, really not liking this piece of news and still very much reeling from it.)
This piece of news reminded me of THEN, and brought up all kinds of THEN, and I have been wading through layers of THEN in my search to return to remembering why now is not then.
There are other things but that eclipsed them all.
Also I miss someone and I am tired of missing them.
But mainly just the fear and pain that came with this piece of news, and trying to figure out how I am going to react to it.
All the points! I win at August. Because…
I am awarding ridiculous amounts of sparklepoints. To myself! Because I can.
Specifically for:
- Going to bed early.
- Being with my body. Dance class every day. Yoga every day. Body body body. .
- Asking for help, as much as I could. Which was not very much because I am not good at this. But still. Asking. Some..
- Going back to the garden.
- New steps for Havi of the bells.
- Hanging in there.
- Saying what I want. Even when it’s terrifying.
- Using old skills from a long time ago that I didn’t want to ever use again. They still work, though. And I used them when I needed to.
- Writing.
- Spending lots of time in Stompopolis and in my Hypothalamus.
- Finding the good.
- Playing.
- Wishing.
- Staying true to the bigger vision.
- Not over-working.
- Finishing Plum Duff! It’s actually ready! This is a very big deal.
Things I want to remember and take with me from August.
Trust. Pleasure. Love. Delight. Wonder. Curiosity. Possibility. Comfort. Reassurance. Shelter. Faith — in the impossible and the unlikely.
Knowing that the bridges are inside of me.
Knowing that the thing I was most afraid of is not as bad as I’d thought it would be, and that I am tougher than I was when it happened THEN. Now is not then, now is not then, now is not then. This challenging month gets to be proof of that.
How August will help me passage.
I am entering September with focus and intention. With a readiness that comes from having been through the narrow places.
I am entering September with willingness.
I am keeping the strength and the flexibility, and letting whatever is done be done.
I am going into September with new strengths. With a steadiness and with a stronger flame. I believe this.
Next time there are lessons to learn, I’d rather not learn them like this. But strength: it’s here.
Stepping into the conduit.
I am taking everything I need with me.
I am releasing all the things that are done.
Fare thee well, August. Be a passage of love.
Play with me if you like.
If there is anything you want to say or remember about August, this is a secret fountain where you can whisper those things.
Or take a silent retreat. Or leave a flower or a stone.
We all have our stuff. We’re all figuring out our stuff. We make room for people by committing to not giving advice or telling people how they should feel.
This is a place for safe adventuring. We approach it with as much curiosity as we can muster, and a sort of loving non-dogmatic reverence.
*blows a kiss to the commenter mice, the Beloved Lurkers, and anyone who made it through August*
Visions #164: what makes a beach, really?
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
Thing 1: When is a beach not a beach? Or: when is not-a-beach actually a beach?
Here’s what I want. The situation is this:
I have to go two whole weeks without beach day, aka my Clandestine Executive Board Meeting, that happens on a beach.
This week because of stupid Labor Day — everyone is on the beach. And next week because ohmygod it’s already Rally again! Wow.
Except I have gotten hooked on the wonderful thing that is not-going-straight-to-work on Monday.
I mean, I still work on Mondays, but it’s a different kind of work and with a different kind of view: the ************* PACIFIC OCEAN, y’all.
So I need some sort of way to replicate beach day without actually going to the beach. Something that will give me at least most of the same side-effects.
Ways this might work:
It occurs to me that the metaphor mouse technique might come in handy here as a way of breaking beach down into its various elements and qualities.
For example, some of what I love about beach is:
[+quiet] [+spaciousness] [+steady sounds] [+warmth] [+texture] [+yoga] [+looking at something that is changing but not changing] [+walking] [+breathing] [+napping] [+calm] [+no structure but a form that encompasses] [+start time and end time] [+being away from what I know]
So that might help me plan a day that happens in the city but holds some of that.
And I could keep the same start and end times as regular beach day….
I’m playing with…
I think I’m going to take this to the Floop and work through it there….
Also I’ll do some shiva nata on it to shake things up, maybe an idea will spill out. That’s usually what happens. Who am I kidding. That’s always what happens, as long as I make it hard.
Thing 2: Plum Duff! Plum Duff!
Here’s what I want:
You guys! I have been working my ass off to get Plum Duff ready for you.
Well, for whoever can play with me this time. But really for everyone, because Plum Duff is a time for general excitement and planting wishes and things like that.
So. I want to announce it this coming Friday.
But I will give the list (you’re on the list, right?) a two-three day headstart. Also the Floop, probably.
I want excitement. I want gleeful steady rejoicing. I want us all to be happy mice making little happy mouse sounds and squeezing all the buttmonster butts at the same time, joyfully.
I want everyone to feel like they get to be a part of the opening of Stompopolis, which is what this Plum Duff is celebrating. I want streamers and confetti and dancing around the room.
Ways this might work:
Even though it is hard for me to share things with people, maybe I can play with that pattern and get better at sharing this with people.
Even though it is hard for me to ask for joyful excitement and playfulness, maybe this time it will be easier.
I can convene an Enthusiastic. I can make safe rooms for the parts of me who want to hide. I can wear a costume. I can even wear the shopkeeper’s hat.
I’m playing with…
The qualities of play, trust, receptivity, celebration, wonder, delight and presence.
Thing 3: The big OOD.
Here’s what I want:
There is an OOD that wants to be written, and I can tell it’s important because I have been avoiding this one like crazy.
I suspect there are entire conferences of monsters, and all kinds of committees involved. Having break-out sessions. And turning over the coffee urn.
So I need to find ways to make this feel safe.
Ways this might work:
I could use a proxy! And invite some negotiators.
And pretend that I’m talking about something else entirely.
Like maybe I will write an OOD for going back to swing dancing, and it will secretly be an OOD for this?
I could do it during my Almost Beach Day, which, by the way, desperately needs a better name than that. Urban beach day? Urban peach day? C.E.B.M.inside?
Maybe my playmate will have a name. Or somehow be a part of this. Interesting. Not sure what that is about but I got a hit. So I’ll peek at that some more.
I’m playing with…
Being receptive. And curious.
Thing 4: Exits and entries, entries and exits.
Here’s what I want:
Helping myself have a loving passage out of August and into September.
Doing some much-needed review, aka the spangly Revue.
Getting clear on what I want to happen this month. Or really, how I want to experience it.
Ways this might work:
This would be the exact perfect thing to do during Not-Beach-Day.
Impeach Day? Beseech Day? I-hope-that’s-not-a-leech Day? Where’s a rhyming dictionary when you need one?
I’m playing with…
Wanting what I want.
Permission to get even more clear on what I want.
The desire to find all the parts of August that surprised me.
Thing 5: Preparing for a visit.
Here’s what I want:
Someone is coming to visit. But not yet.
So it’s like an imaginary visit. Or a pretend visit.
I want to symbolically prepare for this not-a-visit. By doing actual things.
To see what it is like, as if it were actually about to happen.
What would I be doing if this were happening?
That’s what I’m investigating.
Ways this might work:
Ten minutes a day of asking this question and seeing what comes up.
Taking notes. Maybe even a folder of notes….
With a name. Because I LOVE NAMING THINGS.
I’m playing with…
Anticipation, games, constraints, pleasure, wonder, delight, the ability to be surprised.
Thing 6: Let’s turn a corner.
Here’s what I want:
I am ready for stuff to MOVE with Stompopolis.
I want big, big, exciting, look-at-us-we-are-now-open-and-thriving movement.
I want the whole world to be thrilled about Stompopolis. Thrilled!
And I want lots and lots of help. And excitement. Did I mention excitement?
Ways this might work:
Amy. Danielle. Shannon. Mariko. Naomi. Keren.
These are the friends I need to be talking to about this. Not sure why. But that’s what I got.
I’m playing with…
Something needs to be traded. Something needs to be borrowed. There is a missing piece of information that someone needs to give me.
Also: Matt was right. Listen to him.
That’s what I’ve got. So I guess what I’m playing with is trusting my intuition, and going with what I feel.
The corner! Let’s turn! I’m ready.
May it be beautiful and radiant every step of the way.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
Oh man. It is so very interesting that all my asks last week were about TRUST and PLEASURE, and the relationship between trust and pleasure.
That really and truly was the theme of this week.
In fact, just this morning I was drawing the word “trust” on both palms of my playmate’s hands. Not thinking about this theme, but actually, yes, that was the theme. Trust. And. Pleasure.
So. I wanted to make loving declarations this week, and I did. In all sorts of ways and places. That was big.
I wanted partnering, and that was so great. I had a partner-beach-day with Danielle, I had intense playtime with my playmate, and Marisa and I had beautiful skype dates every single day.
Also I wanted to do a lot of “this is for you, sweetie” — planting gifts for tomorrow-me and three-days-later-me. This was amazing! I want to do this all the time.
And then I had to do some asking and was not happy about it. Feeling a bit better about that now, thanks to some monster talks.
Last thing was getting Plum Duff ready, and guess what? It’s ready! All I need to do is a last round of reading, and then I can whisper it to people. Hooray! Yet again, I didn’t think the VPAs would come through, but they did.
Playful playing. Shelter for the comments.
What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like.
Here or on your own or in your head. It’s all fine. Or call silent retreat!
I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.
If you’re looking for suggestions or heart-sighs or anything else related to your wish, you will need to ask for that because our default mode is giving each other space and spaciousness for the process.
This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We make space for people’s wishes.
That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!
As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox