What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
Very Personal Ads #146: glow it up!
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these VPAs to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
Thing 1: Glow it up!
Here’s what I want:
Still not entirely sure what this means, but it’s what Slightly Wiser Me instructed me to do last week at Rally (Rally!).
So I’ve been trying to figure out what that is and how to do it.
Thus far it has involved a new hair color (coppery-gold) and sparkly eyeshadow.
There is also something about wheels and the radiant radius. And being a forest! It’s complicated.
Anyway, I guess my ask is about further clarity. And further glowing.
Ways this could work:
The usual ways.
Playing with it.
Yoga. Shiva Nata.
Doing an OOD to investigate more in depth.
Wanting the wanting, without having to understand it yet.
I’ll play with…
Sunshine. Breath. Glow-sitting (that’s my secret agent code for meditating).
Thing 2: Hot water thingy.
Here’s what I want:
Picture a tall metal cylinder with a spigot on one side that makes water hot. The kind of thing you’d see on the end of a table at a church buffer. Like this.
We need one for the new Playground.
I want to find a super affordable one. Possibly used. Possibly someone gives us one.
Ways this could work:
Maybe someone we know has one.
Maybe the First Mate finds an awesome one at City Liquidators.
I’ll play with…
Drinking tea after old Turkish lady yoga.
Thing 3: Pirate Crew Rendezvous!
Here’s what I want:
I want to arrange to meet with the karma pirates and crew for the new Playground space.
But there’s all this stuff to get in order before that can happen. Like how to describe it. Like essence.
Wishing for a date. But also wishing for certainty, ease, support, trust, comfort, flow, and perfect simple solutions.
And I would like this to just come together.
I’ll play with…
Asking for help.
Thing 4: the ship!
Here’s what I want:
I need to be on the water.
This can be as metaphorical or literal as it needs to, but there is a ship involved.
I’ll play with…
Finding out what happens when I say yes to the wanting.
And lots of shivanautical flailing to generate epiphanies.
Thing 5: [Silent Retreat!]
Here’s what I want:
I’ll take a silent retreat on this one, but it is an ask about sovereignty.
Ways this could work:
Interviewing slightly future me.
Using the Floating Playground for support.
I’ll play with…
Trusting the process when I can. Crying my eyes out when I can’t. Then trying again.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I had an ask about flexibility in a variety of forms, and then that ended up being the theme of the week. Feeling good about progress there.
Then I wanted knee-length skirts and a bunch of people made lovely recommendations. And my friend Rebecca offered to take me out shopping, which is perfect because that is not one of my superpowers. But I also realized that this ask was really about wanting to be young and hot, and my stuff around where I am in my life right now. So that was interesting. We’ve been working through that.
I also wanted to Stop, Drop and Picnic! This worked really well on some days and not so well on others. Still practicing, and taking notes.
And my silent-retreat-ed ask is going pretty well. I will throw in back into the pot.
Play-filled comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.
- Wanted: Your own personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like.
- You can also do these on your own or in your head. You can always call silent retreat!
- Leave your gwishes! Throw things in the pot!
- Things we try to keep away from: the word “manifest”, telling people how they should be asking for things, unsolicited advice.
- VPA amnesty applies, of course. Leave yours any time between now and next Sunday (or whenever, really) — it’s all fine by us!
Friday Chicken #195: yip!
In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
One hundred and ninety five consecutive weeks of chickening, you guys.
That’s pretty impressive.
So here we are. Hello, week.
The hard stuff
Not doing a thing I’d been looking forward to.
It was the right choice in that moment, but there was still sadness.
So. Many. Things.
And then monsters aplenty about which specific things needed how much attention when.
Lots of monster-ing in general.
Fortunately I was at Rally (Rally!), which is the best possible environment to interact with pain/fear/worry/doutbt/distress.
But man, there was a lot of it.
Sometimes things don’t go the way you hoped.
They just don’t.
Not knowing what to do about that.
Especially when there’s time-pressure.
The night of bad dreams.
Boo.
Rally is over.
Sadface mouse = me.
The good stuff
Saturday.
Saturday was a seriously glorrrrious day.
I have to thank Past Me for having a bizarre hunch that she needed to cancel EVERYTHING she’d planned for the weekend.
And then I also want to thank Me Of A Few Days Later for honoring that hunch and acting on it, even though she didn’t know why.
She canceled with Sarah and gave away her ticket to the Timbers match (I know, right? Who does that?! And we missed the first win of the season, and it was still the right thing to do).
All because of a feeling. And then she refused to let ANYTHING else come into that space even though there were lots of fun things going on. Like the co-ed roller derby bout.
I had a Completely Empty Saturday for the most extraordinary thing to occur. And it did.
Sun.
I spent five hours of my magical Saturday in the garden.
Three hours writing to slightly future me and two hours practicing yoga.
The sky was the EXACT shade of celestial periwinkle blue that the Hyphothalmus (my office) is at the new Playground.
The lilacs were huge. The apple blossoms: exquisite.
I sat under a tree. I listened to garden sounds. I thanked past-me for finding her/our way to Hoppy House, the just-right house for me.
I was deeply, deeply, deeply happy in a quiet, contented, peaceful we’re all organic- shapes-changing-shapes-together sort of way.
It was exactly what was needed.
Best. Rally. Ever.
This week was Rally (Rally!) and it has just been marvelous.
We had pretty much every part of north America represented, as well as two Rallions who made it from Ireland and one from New Zealand. And we all adored each other madly.
We sang and skipped and laughed and cried and wore silly hats.
Much delicious food was eaten, gigantic internal understandings were understood and received, and it was just such a loving and completely special environment.
I mean, special doesn’t even BEGIN to cover what a goofy, unique, beautiful, radiant, not-like-anything-else thing it was.
YAY RALLY! RALLY YAY!
The Floop!
The Floating Playground is such a great partner to the real-life Playground.
It’s like having a space where I can mini-Rally all the time.
And people are wise and sweet and loving.
So happy about this.
Things are falling into place.
The new Playground got played in. And napped in.
It’s so close to ready!
Everything is so close to ready!
I didn’t have to have a conversation I didn’t want to have.
The thing resolved itself for me. Thanks, alignment technique.
Oh. My. Goodness. SHIVA NATA!
The Shiva Nata realizations this week were epic.
That might have something to do with the hilarious and crazy classes I ran this week during Rally.
We combined sound effects, words, qualities, things you might see at Rally, numbers and math and music all at the same time.
And then we got really, really lost and confused and fell over giggling. It was genius.
I have been realizing important things all over the place, as my brain goes sizzle pop whoosh. With some rowr-bing-yip in there too for good measure.
Playing live at the meme beach house — it’s the Fake Band of the Week!
Background? Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once translated “people will hate me and be jealous” to “they’ll hang out at my Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
This week’s band comes via magical Amy of the faeries who always wears the best pants:
Happily Bombarded By Hats
They’re super fun and they wear lots of hats!
Though, of course, it’s really just one guy.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
Come. To. A. RALLY.
It will change everything. As terrifying and wonderful as that may sound.
That’s it for me …
Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!
We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
Very Personal Ads #145: flexibility, discernment and readiness
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these VPAs to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
VPAs are late this week because I was out fulfilling a wish made here a few weeks ago: to drop everything when the sun comes out and go be in the sun.
And that was lovely. Normally I would have stayed in and grumbled. But I didn’t.
Thanks, me from two-weeks-ago for setting that up. You’re the best.
Anyway, Very Personal Ads. Let’s do this.
Thing 1: Flexibility.
Here’s what I want:
A sense of expansiveness. A freedom of movement that comes into every aspect of my day.
I’m not sure if I can say more about it than that, but I’m reminded of an interview I read with the founder of Tumblr who refused to schedule meetings, because what if you wanted to be doing something more fun?!
FASCINATING.
Also, last week slightly future me told me that the version of me me who is okay with [X thing I want] is the me who knows about flexibility. So that’s interesting too.
Ways this could work:
Dropping everything and heading to the park.
Doing my yoga practice in the garden, like I did this weekend.
There is also something in here about setting up structures and forms that ALLOW for unstructured play, but I don’t know how that works yet.
I could also have my phone call with A in the garden.
I can look for a clew in the novel I’m reading.
And I can spend more time talking to Flexible Me.
I’ll play with…
Canceling appointments.
Lots of yoga.
Being willing to be wrong.
Thing 2: Knee-length skirts.
Here’s what I want:
Pretty, comfortable, non-see-through knee-length skirts for wearing to the park!
Ideally they have pockets and can be rolled up into a bag. But not too sporty. A skirt-like skirt. But no ruffly bits or frills. Just a skirt.
Definitely not something that needs to be ironed or dry-cleaned or otherwise given attention.
I don’t really care about the material. Filmy is okay if not see-through.
And I feel happy wearing them.
I may have to have another conversation with the “you’re too fussy” monsters about how knowing what you want is the superpower of Discernment..
Ways this could work:
Maybe someone here has a place for skirts. Or even a skirt in mind.
Maybe I stumble upon the just-right thing.
Maybe the skirt and I find each other.
I’ll play with…
Asking my friend Rebecca for suggestions. She knows about things like this.
Wanting what I want.
Being receptive to the idea that something about this is important because I want it, and remembering that I do not need to know yet what that something is.
Thing 3: Stop, drop and picnic.
Here’s what I want:
To keep going to the park/garden whenever I feel drawn to.
Ways this could work:
Automatic Internal Permission Slip.
* It’s just one guy!
I’ll play with…
Testing it out.
Thing 4: [Silent Retreat!]
Here’s what I want:
I’m going on silent retreat on this one, but this particular ask has to do with confidence, grace and equanimity.
Ways this could work:
Interviewing slightly future me.
Doing an OOD.
Using the Floating Playground for support.
I’ll play with…
Asking lots of questions and skipping some stones.
And doing Shiva Nata on it, of course.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
Last week I did ten wishes and asked four questions. The question-asking was super-useful!
I also liked using secret agent code for the wishes. That helped too.
Let’s see. Seven of them came true, and three are still in progress. Feeling pretty good about that, and I will re-plant the three that need some love.
Play-filled comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.
- Wanted: Your own personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like.
- You can also do these on your own or in your head. You can always call silent retreat!
- Leave your gwishes! Throw things in the pot!
- Things we try to keep away from: the word “manifest”, telling people how they should be asking for things, unsolicited advice.
- VPA amnesty applies, of course. Leave yours any time between now and next Sunday (or whenever, really) — it’s all fine by us!
Friday Chicken #194: there’s always a clue
In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
The high point of this week was eating spicy cheese curds in a bed that both President Obama and Bruce Willis have slept in. Though not at the same time.
That may also have been the low point of the week, it’s kind of hard to say.
The hard stuff
The roller derby bout against Chicago.
Torture.
Windy City played fine. If fine includes throwing a lot of elbows. Rose City, on the other hand, was a mess. We played like we were permanent residents of the alternate universe where we’d already lost by a hundred points.
The last two minutes redeemed the whole thing. But aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh.
What a train wreck.
Depletion and exhaustion.
Yet again I overestimate the gap between almost out of gas and completely stalled.
Tried to run away on Emergency Vacation and it didn’t work.
Yup.
Oh so many mistakes. So much pain about the mistakes.
That was the theme of the week.
Nudnik at the bar.
Talked my ear off.
In related news: I’m opening a bar for introverts.
Force field troubles.
That’s never good.
No kidding.
Massage therapist: “Wow, so you’re really, really tense. So much tension here.”
Me (in my head): “Hmmm, I wonder why that would be. It can’t be because I’m launching five businesses and everything is behind schedule and my staff have either quit or are two minutes from having a gigantic mental breakdown, and it’s all on me to make this happen. Oh, wait. That IS why.”
Very upset about a thing.
And not sure what to do about it. Feeling helpless, vulnerable and frustrated.
And I’ll silent retreat the rest.
The good stuff
The last two minutes of the bout.
The last jam.
When Scald Eagle decided that winning had to happen
What followed was the most miraculous, spectacular, exciting, heart-breakingly gorgeous comeback in the world of athletics. Possibly in all of time.
Go immediately to the boutcast video and start at ONE HOUR AND NINETEEN MINUTES. And then watch it a bunch more times.
Also note that when Randy Pan says that Rose City can still pull it off, he does not actually think there’s a chance in hell it’s going to happen.
Those two minutes. Hall of fame.
I win!
I sneakily won an ebay bid in the very last second before it closed. While on the train. Oho!
Spontaneous joyful play time..
I was walking down the street to do a nice thing for myself when I ran into Chuck and she kept me company!
Epiphanies like crazy.
Thank you, Shiva Nata.
Thank you, mad processings at the Floop.
Found a clew
The nudnik had a clew for me.
A night away from it all.
It helped.
Massage.
That helps too.
Progress.
Gott sei dank.
Found the shoes I’ve been dreaming of.
Well, not so much dreaming of as wishing they existed. They do!
Last pair. In my exact size. Half off.
They are crazy gorgeous. And I am just ridiculously hot.
Rally starts on Monday.
Hooray for Rally (Rally!)
It’s going to be amazing.
Also this will be the first time that Rallions get to use the brand new Playground in addition to the former Playground (now the Caboose).
Very exciting.
Help and support from friends..
Thank you, Mechaieh for the beautiful package (and wow, calligraphy!) of playground presents.
Thank you, Danielle for endless schlepping.
Thank you, Chuck for drawing The Most Beautiful Map ever and
Playing live at the meme beach house — it’s the Fake Band of the Week!
Background? Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once translated “people will hate me and be jealous” to “they’ll hang out at my Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
This week’s band is named for the happiest little girl in a stroller:
Fistfuls of Dandelions
Though, of course, it’s really just one guy.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
We’re getting ready to re-organize the shop so if there’s something you’ve been wanting, you should probably get it now. The copy is kind of terrible copy, because I wrote it three or four years ago. But stuff you get is amazing.
That’s it for me …
Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!
We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
Very Personal Ads #144: and now for something
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these VPAs to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
Doing things COMPLETELY differently this week, inspired by last week’s wish for ten wishes.
So here we go…
I am wishing for ten things.
In secret code.
While connecting to qualities.
And asking four questions.
And then doing OODs.
Here are the ten wishes I’m wishing.
- Attuning to the superpower of AFFECTION (shhh, it’s actually listening to Jenny’s message and maybe even responding?).
- Attuning to the superpower of SUPPORT (shhh, it’s actually listening to Svevo’s message and calling him back).
- Attuning to the superpower of POWER (shhh, it’s actually figuring out the stuck paypal thing and getting help with that).
- Attuning to the superpower of NAMING (shhh, it’s actually telling Eloise what to put on the signs).
- Attuning to the superpower of RENEWAL (shhh, it’s actually the Edit Order on the not-a-coupon).
- Attuning to the superpower of DIVINE DISGUISE (shhh, it’s actually pieces of a special boutfit).
- Attuning to the superpower of FREEDOM (shhh, it’s actually a tiny ship).
- Attuning to the superpower of DELIGHT (shhh, it’s actually the imaginary forest).
- Attuning to the superpower of DEEP DESIRE (shhh, it’s actually amethyst colored).
- Attuning to the superpower of PURE DESTRUCTION (shhh, it’s actually dealing with the people I do not like to speak about).
Here are the four questions I’m asking about each of these:
1. What do I want?
Unpack this.
2. What do I know about why I want this?
What is appealing about the essence of the want? What does this give me? How does this support me and take care of me?
3. What do I know about why I don’t want this, or about the resistance?
Specifically, how is the not-wanting understandable and legitimate?
Tiniest first steps?
Or: If I had someone who could help me do this, what would I ask for?
And that’s what I’m trying this week.
You’re more than welcome to stick with the traditional VPA formulation of what you want, ways this could work and what you’re going to play with.
I plan to be back to that next week.
This is what I’m going to be playing with today…
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
Let’s see. I wanted to do more with my practice of Ten Wishes, and I’ve been doing it every day. Even got a special red notebook for it. Hooray!
Then I had an ask about cutlery, that was really about my Ludicrous Fear Popcorn around being a grown-up. But I did it! Not only did I process the hell out of it, using the Floop, but I also bought cutlery. A thousand billion trillion sparklepoints for me!
My next ask was about sun, and I learned a lot about that. Also there were spontaneous picnics in the park, which was lovely.
Then I wanted help interacting with the two biggest things that I’ve been avoiding, and I definitely made progress on one of them. The other one is next.
I wanted to ask my curious questions, and I did. Still working on that.
And then I wanted to plan my trip to Vancouver without taking a plane. Lots of help from commenter mice. Then a friend of mine volunteered to help me plan it, which was amazing. And I just now got a Very Unexpected Piece of News about that trip, so it’s kind of all in the air again. So we’ll see!
Play-filled comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.
- Wanted: Your own personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like.
- You can also do these on your own or in your head. You can always call silent retreat!
- Leave your gwishes! Throw things in the pot!
- Things we try to keep away from: the word “manifest”, telling people how they should be asking for things, unsolicited advice.
- VPA amnesty applies, of course. Leave yours any time between now and next Sunday (or whenever, really) — it’s all fine by us!
xox