What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
Hello, January.
Oh, January. You are my hard month.
And I have been avoiding welcoming you.
But here we are, me and January.
So in the spirit of conscious entry and preparing for the voyage, I am here with you, January. And more than that: I recognize that you are a door.
I’m saying hello.
Reorienting myself to your door-ness, re-establishing my sense of suchness, reconfiguring my wants, and re-ordering my relationship with you. Let’s do this.
What I want from this experience of January.
I want us to have a new relationship, January.
I want to release all the expectations and all the rules about how we have to be with each other.
To release pain and grief from Januaries past.
To recognize and remember that you are not them. And now is not then.
The qualities of my new relationship with January.
The same sixteen:
Spaciousness and Sovereignty.
Presence and Possibility.
Radiance and Receptivity.
Effortlessness and Efficiency.
Adaptability and Agility.
Desire and Deconstruction.
Boldness and Beauty.
Congruence and Creativity.
Also, did you notice that each pairing has a yin and a yang side, or a ha and a tha side, if I may revert to my natural language of yoga?
And they can switch sides, if and when they need to…
Another thing. The gentleman said the other day that my super-duper power (which, apparently, is like a superpower but even better) is SYNTHESIS.
I hadn’t thought of that but it feels true in my belly, in my hands and in my feet. So I’ll take some of that too.
What I need from this January.
Gentleness.
From January and towards January.
To let go of all the things I think I am responsible for, but am not actually responsible for.
To shed and to replenish.
To fill up on what I know.
To find the new things now that the old ones are no longer working.
To make peace with my secret room.
What I am planting for this January.
Quiet.
Curiosity.
Pleasure.
Patience.
Radiance.
Shelter.
What I look forward to in this January.
Finally-finally-finally the start of roller derby season! GNR is going to do so much damage at the season opener that it’s just ridiculous. And I’ve been working with the team — lots of Shiva Nata, agility training and strengthening force fields.
And of course, Rally (Rally!). It’s going to be amazing.
Mostly I’m not looking forward though. I’m looking inward. I’m hibernating. And that isn’t so much about excitement and yaying as it is about stretching, yawning, whimpering, crying and releasing, but that is what is needed right now.
For my body this January.
It’s hard to say because right now I am so very tired.
But: I will keep taking the Bruce Wayne strengthening elixir.
And doing my marathon trainings (shhh, they’re relaxing!).
And going to dance class. And flailing the flail.
Hot baths. Warm tea. Walks when I can walk. Sleeps when I need sleeps.
Slightly future me says:
You’re doing all the right things. Keep doing them.
Stay away from unsovereign situations. Stay away from other people’s expectations, real or perceived. Make a cocoon for this growth period.
And use your costumes.
What January could be like.
It could be a nest.
It could be new.
It could hold me.
It could be a reminder of all the things that have changed since last January.
It could be space to rewrite old perceptions.
It could be comforting.
It could be kind. You think it can’t, but it can. That last sentence was slightly future me again!
I am throwing all of this into the pot.
Play with me? And comment zen for today.
You are welcome to write your own Hello, January.
Or drop off some gwishes.
Or write January a letter. Or give it a new name.
(If you like, you can peek at what we’ve played with here in other months — in July and August and September and October and November and December.)
We all have our stuff. We’re all working on our stuff. We take responsibility for our stuff. Because without sovereignty and spaciousness, this whole thing falls apart.
And we make this a safe space by not telling each other what to do, how to be or how to feel. We make room for each other.
That is all. Much love and happy January.
Very Personal Ads #130: RAWR GOOMB it
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these VPAs to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
Oh, Sunday!
One day I will be able to wholeheartedly be okay with this practice of noticing what I want and need in each and any moment.
Right now I get to seed that by practicing here on Sundays, and today I am really happy for Sunday.
Because I am exhausted. And there are wants.
Thing 1: comfort and healing for a broken heart.
Here’s what I want:
To release this pain of the Great Misunderstanding.
To trust — in the most intimate and deep ways — that I’m doing the right things to care for myself. And to care for me-from-then.
To undo old internal agreements about owing people things that I do not in fact owe them and couldn’t give even if I’d wanted to.
Ways this could work:
This is going to need some monster conversations. And some coloring in the coloring book.
(I did this last week and was flabbergasted by how much just the coloring part helps by itself. Didn’t even need to use the actual materials.)
Time. Space. Paying attention.
Taking this seriously. Not a side dish. To really put my attention here, with love.
Patience. Patience. Patience.
I’ll play with…
Watching. Naming. Crying.
I’ll take this to RAWR Monday.
And to the pool.
Lots of heart-humming. And dancing it out. Shiva Nata has helped me through more than one heart-hurt. And it will help me through this one.
Thing 2: commence Operation Sleep Is Really Important Dammit
Here’s what I want:
SLEEPS!
We’re declaring an emergency situation.
Ways this could work:
The usual tricks.
- Consulting the Book of Me and the dammit lists.
- Left-nostril breathing.
- More old Turkish lady yoga and Paul’s yin practice.
- Moving the Bruce Wayne Strengthening Elixir ritual to the morning.
- Doing the sleep invocation.
- Mini marathon-training (shhhhh this is a proxy for something relaxing) for ten minutes before bed.
- More yoga nidra.
- Treating this situation as if the director was the one who needed sleep right now.
- Being the detective.
- See the 74 ways to hit the reset button post.
- GOOMB!
I’ll play with…
Acknowledging the legitimacy. This is big change we’re going through right now. It makes sense that processing is very process-ey.
Conscious entry. Preparing for the voyage, with the voyage being sleep.
Talking to the me who knows how to do this. She knows how the pure land works.
Lots of revue. With dancing.
Thing 3: not caring so much (or at all?) about that thing
Here’s what I want:
Right now there’s a situation that I am letting weigh on me.
It’s a sovereignty challenge, and a bit of a growth period.
I want to investigate this and find out what will help me release some of this old-stuck attachment to a certain result.
Ways this could work:
Talking to slightly future me.
Doing some stone skippings.
Entry and exit. Asking wise, compassionate, loving questions.
I’ll play with…
Taking it to the Playground. Doing some reflectings.
Thing 4: RAWR Mondays!
Here’s what I want:
RAWR Mondays is the name of my new Monday practice, something I’ve been doing with my partner-in-crime.
RAWR stands for Roaring And Whimpering Rendezvous.
It’s a tradition that started because I’d sail off on a mysterious project and then get spend my week working on aaaaaaargh things that suck.
So now we just schedule that in. In a celebratory way. Mondays! Mondays we roar and whimper, and then we’re ready for the week.
And when other gunk shows up we can put it in the box for next Monday, unless it’s urgent. But usually it isn’t because we’ve done so much processing on Monday.
Anyway, the thing I have learned so far about RAWR Mondays is that the Rawring requires a very safe, stable container. With lots of comfort built in.
So that’s what I’m working on.
Ways this could work:
Building the day carefully. With sweet loving things to come before and after.
What kind of sweet loving things?
Immersion in the hot pools.
Lots and lots of tea.
GOOMB! (Get. Out. Of. My. Bar.)
Mini marathon trainings. tee hee!.
Hiding in a dark booth, wearing sunglasses and eating warm comforting food.
I’ll play with…
Ridiculous amounts of entry and exit.
Lots of thinking about what I might want and need.
Setting it up.
Thing 5: good wishes for Eclipse!
Here’s what I want:
Eclipse has a job interview tomorrow. Let’s all wish her wonderful wishes!
Ways this could work:
I’m planting it here.
I’ll play with…
Wishing the wishes. Throwing it into the pot.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I wanted to set things up for next-day me. This worked really well actually. I spent most of the week at my uncle’s in the woods (still there!). I left my notebook out and some tea for morning-me who likes to journal. I planted things for later. It felt good.
Then I wanted to do reflectings (lalalala not collage at all!) with scissors. About my twelve wishes for the year. And I’ve been doing that.
I wanted to enter the exiting, and YES. Yes yes yes. Hugely relieved about this.
Next I asked for a new relationship with January, and I’m working on that.
And I wanted new clothes for the incoming director, who is me.
This hasn’t happened yet because I’m out in the woods wearing the same thing every day. But I did try on footwear for her, and was pleased to find that she has delightfully strong opinions. So progress.
Play-filled comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.
- Wanted: Your own personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like.
- You can also do these on your own or in your head. You can always call silent retreat!
- Leave your gwishes! Throw things in the pot!
- Things we try to keep away from: the word “manifest”, telling people how they should be asking for things, unsolicited advice.
- VPA amnesty applies, of course. Leave yours any time between now and next Sunday (or whenever, really) — it’s all fine by us!
xox
Friday Chicken #179: Haul away, Chicken Joe!
In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
I am away on my exiting adventure, and most of the hard and good in my week has to do with that.
So let’s see. The first Chicken of two thousand and twelve.
How are we doing so far?
The hard stuff
Sleep stuff as yet unresolved.
Last night was the first night in nearly two weeks that I made it through the night.
It’s been a tired, cranky, foggy time.
And made worse by the fact that normally I know what to do about foggy.
But when I’m tired, and I assume that the fog is a tired-fog, then I forget to do the normal defogging things.
Not explaining that very well. Anyway, exhausted and foggy. That was most of this week, and it sucked.
Fireworks on new year’s eve.
I am not very good at explosions, and I wasn’t expecting to be woken up by a thousand of them (and accompanying drunken screeching) on new year’s.
Between that and the fact that I hadn’t been sleeping well anyway, we had a nice little round of PTSD to work through.
Setting boundaries.
One of the many useful, true and eternally frustrating things that I have learned from being consciously alive is this:
Intentionally setting strong, healthy boundaries is the most compassionate and important thing that you can do. And not just for you, but for everyone in your world.
However, rigorous scientific study by me has shown that most people don’t like it when you do it.
Even when it’s best for them and for the greater good and for everyone involved.
So that can be uncomfortable and not fun, which makes it kind of unappealing. Except that if you don’t do it, then everything gets even worse.
Waiting.
Ball in other court.
Drum fingernails and try not to go into monster-ey worst case scenarios.
Patience and trust are qualities I’m still learning to get closer to.
Running out of whatever I seem to want in that moment.
Cheese emergency! Glue stick emergency! Licorice tea emergency!
This was a reflection of some of the other stuff I was going through, and it was interesting to observe. Or would have been if I hadn’t already been so wrecked from not sleeping.
Got some good epiphanies after the fact, but while it was happening I was looking at all the wrong patterns.
Stupid horrible new year’s day.
So yes, I was in PTSD mode, and in my stuff. But aaaaaaaaggggghh.
Paper cut of doom on the side of my hand (that kept splitting open and hurting all week). Banged head on a door. Everything falling apart and falling apart and falling apart some more.
How many times can I fall apart in one week?
More than you’d think.
All of this exit and identify shifting and thresholds is hard work, you guys.
Giant pain over a misunderstanding.
Ow ow ow ow.
The good stuff
I’m OUT OF THE OFFICE, ohmygod ohmygod it finally happened.
For the first time since forever, I am not around.
And being not around is the best.
The best!
Recovery is a pain, but at least having time and space to be with it is helpful.
I’m at Svevo’s.
My uncle Svevo is my favorite person in the world, and going to visit him in the woods is the best way for me to escape.
There is nothing but trees and trees and trees.
It is marvelous. I needed this.
Oh, the Almanac.
I have been learning all sorts of things about my relationship with January, for the Almanac.
And one thing I learned is that I often have sleep issues in January.
So having all this information about what not to do (and what is just cyclical stuff) made me feel better.
New Year’s Eve was exactly what I wanted.
My partner in crime and I spent pretty much the entire day of the 31st at the Playground, doing Reflectings and planting qualities.
Then the gentleman and I went out to a bar for happy hour and pizza and more gwish-plantings.
Then we all did our little rituals together and then early to bed.
Company.
My partner-in-crime was of great help while I was falling apart, and then we were able to take turns.
Knowing what I want.
That helps.
Trying on shoes for the Director.
I didn’t find the shoes I wanted, but at least now I know that the Director (aka incoming me) has really strong opinions about what she likes.
That was a lovely and enormously reassuring thing to discover.
Dragon wings!
I don’t have a picture yet, sadly. But Liz — a delightful person I met at Rally (Rally!), knitted me a pair of HOT PINK dragon wings.
They arrived on one of those days when I had forgotten why I do what I do, and then I remembered.
Nests.
I have been learning all sorts of things about nests, and this is a proxy but it is also not a proxy.
And this has been very useful.
Yesterday I learned that sometimes a nest is already there, and all you have to do is make a little opening so that you can enter it.
From the archives.
Some old, weirdly pertinent posts that I don’t remember having written, encountered while looking for something else:
- The one about dealing with loss, and how it is normal and okay to grieve the loss of something that you don’t even want.
- Ten times why.
Playing live at the meme beach house — it’s the Fake Band of the Week!
Background? Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once translated “people will hate me and be jealous” to “they’ll hang out at my Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
This week’s band is a techno group with salsa influences.
European Spy Dust
They kind of remind me of Pink Floyd, though I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s the laser light shows and the floating pigs.
But yes, it turns out that it’s really just one guy.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
- The calendars are sold out, so if you need a fix of adorable with your destuckification, the monster coloring book is your best bet. Plus it’s required material for the Floating Playground.
- We are now half full for Crossing the Line: the 8 Day Voyage (password: haulaway). And I still haven’t announced it. Or put up the amazing stories of what happened to everyone who came last time.
- Rally (Rally!) — a bunch more Rallies sold out so there are only four Rallies that you can apply for: March, June, July and September.
I think that’s everything. If not, I’ll add to the Very Personal Ads over the weekend.
That’s it for me …
And of course you can join in my Friday ritual right here in the comments if you feel like it.
Yes? Anything hard and/or good happen in your week?
We let people have their own experience, which means that we’re supportive and kind, and we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
And, as always, have a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come. Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s okay if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
Hi there, qualities of the voyage that is 2012.
December 31st. Curled up in blankets at my retreat center, sitting across from my partner in crime
We were plotting away about the new and much bigger Playground space that is opening in Portland in March, as well as the online parallel space opening in February.
And we decided to name the qualities we wanted to connect to as we sail into this coming year of adventures and growth.
So many qualities!
Saying each one out loud was like having a wonderful witchy imaginary aunt read you a trippy incantation as a bedtime story.
Or like taking a really restorative warm bath that is also exciting at the same time, because it keeps changing colors and blowing little happy bubbles at you.
Anyway, I thought I would plant the list of qualities here, in case some or all of them want to speak to you.
And because, wow. QUALITIES. Undiluted essence.
As always, if a word doesn’t appeal to you, no worries. It might not be your word. Or you can translate it. Rewrite it. Use the metaphor mouse technique to unpack it and change your definition.
The qualities!
Trust. Grounding. Expansion and expansiveness.
Spaciousness. Sovereignty. Presence. Radiance. Beauty.
Clarity. Shelter.
Renewal. Willingness.
Reassurance.
Softening and surrender. Grace. Power. Lustrousness.
Tranquility. Warmth. Appreciation. Delight. Play.
Possibility. Sanctuary. Creativity. Expectancy and anticipation.
Joy. Emergence. Adaptability. Certainty. Focus.
Patience. Love. Belonging. Welcoming. Sustainability.
Effortlessness. Effort. Yes, both at the same time, supporting each other!
Crossing-through. Protection. Alignment.
Effervescence. Excitement.
Frivolity.
Adventure. Experimentation.
Filling up and replenishing. Frolicking.
Permission. Gratitude. Strength. Toughness and tenacity.
Boldness. Resilience. Suppleness. Smoothness.
Admiration. Sensitivity. Truth. Resonance. Responsibility. Flow.
Cheer. Movement. Dance. Enoughness. Efficiency. Ease. Courage.
Sustenance. Dedication.
Flexibility. Exulting.
Release. Elimination. Congruence. Harmony. Knowing.
Imagination. Sophisticated Innocence!
Commitment. Devotion. Exuberance. Agility.
Receptivity. Wonder.
Nourishment. Poise. Agency. Exploration. Spontaneity!
Rhythm.
Sincerity. Curiosity. Sweetness. Kindness. Compassion. Ingenuity.
Charm. Autonomy. Intelligence. Wisdom.
Support. Community. Discovery.
Safety. Protection. Attunement (syntonics!)
Order. Deconstruction. Structure. Form.
Festivity. Building and rebuilding.
Transformation. Desire. Balance.
{and}
PRESENT TIME.
And then sixteen to become special friends with.
Sixteen qualities that especially beckoned to me on the evening of entry…
They showed up in pairs.
They had alarmingly alliterative tendencies.
They wanted to be my force field this year, and I said YES PLEASE:
Spaciousness and Sovereignty.
Presence and Possibility.
Radiance and Receptivity.
Effortlessness and Efficiency.
Adaptability and Agility.
Desire and Deconstruction.
Boldness and Beauty.
Congruence and Creativity.
Huh.
And because I am apparently secretly a medieval Jewish scholar-mystic, these also made a mysterious acrostic.
Spread… something with B and C.
So I decided it should be spreading boundaries of courage. Because that seems like a good thing to be spreading this year.
And then…
Before we went our separate ways into beds and dreams that night of the new year (well before midnight because we get cranky when we don’t get to bed early), we lit a beeswax candle that my uncle Svevo made.
And then we read the list out loud.
The full list. Then the sixteen special qualities. Then: Spreading Boundaries of Courage.
We blew out the candle. Whisper-whoosh!
And here we are.
Play with me. How the commenting blanket fort works!
We all have our stuff. We’re all working on our stuff. It’s a process.
When our stuff comes up in reaction to something, we recognize that this is our stuff.
We own it. And then we consciously, lovingly interact with it.
We create safe spaces for ourselves to get to learn about our stuff, so we don’t have to be in our stuff. And we create safety for each other by giving lots of permission and zero advice.
If you want to whisper-whoosh any qualities that appeal to you, go for it.
If you want to share in any of these, that’s welcome too.
If you want to add another candle to the mix, yay.
Waving from the ship! Spreading boundaries of courage.
Exiting. In several ways at once.
My darlings,
I am living by my commitment to begin this year with the practice of conscious entry. By preparing for the voyage. With the voyage, of course, as this incoming year.
And to do that, I am exiting the year that was.
Exiting.
I am taking myself out of the office (or out of my captain’s quarters on the pirate ship) for a while.
I am setting off on a personal exploration-adventure, on a private ship that is just me and Barrington and slightly future me.
And Selma. And Scootch. And possibly Drooly Monster.
Not gone.
Fridays I will be here for the Chicken.
Sundays I will be here for the Very Personal Ads.
And for all I know, I might be here lots of other times.
Because I imagine that I’ll be writing. A lot. And will probably wish to share a bunch of the processing. But it’s hard to say.
But closing down and turning inward.
The offices of The Fluent Self, Inc, Sovereign and Light-Hearted Pirate Ship At Large will be closed while I am voyaging.
The other two people who work full-time at our company will be working on various important behind the scenes stuff. They will not be responding to incoming requests other than to acknowledge that these have been read and received.
If you are waiting for a response on an application for Crossing the Line (password: haulaway), or regarding the stowawayship scholarship for Rally (Rally!), you’ll definitely get your answer soon!
If you’re waiting for the Mirror Pool page, no worries. I will have the First Mate send out an email when it’s up.
And if you’ve ordered a calendar or another product that mails, you’ll totally get it. Those parts of the business are all still running as usual.
I will also probably announce various announcings. Some fairly big announcings. I assume you’re on the Havi’s Announcing a Thing list (sign-up is on the events page), so you’ll know what’s going on.
Anything else will need to wait until February, when I am back from my big adventure.
What you can do while I’m off voyaging.
You can negotiate and fractal flower.
You can create safe rooms. You can name and notice.
You can skip stones and invoke superpowers and find clews and ask why.
You’ll try things. And you’ll use the tools.
You’ll use the tools.
There are 961 posts here.
Every single one written by me. Most of which are about useful tools and concepts for destuckifying.
In terms of material, that’s the equivalent of an undergraduate degree in destuckifying.
You’ll destuckify and you’ll practice.
You won’t be alone.
I’ll be practicing all these things too. While flailing to Shiva Nata and breathing in qualities.
And discovering important as-yet-unknown things about my relationship with and to this incoming year.
When I return I will still be the pirate queen. And I will also be the Director. With stories of my adventures.
I love you all, and I will see you very soon. Possibly even tomorrow. But definitely Fridays and Sundays for chickening and gwish-planting.
And there will be magical February playing that is being seeded right now as I type this.
The commenting blanket fort.
We all have our stuff. We’re all working on our stuff. It’s a process.
When our stuff comes up in reaction to something, we recognize that this is our stuff.
We own it. And then we consciously, lovingly interact with it, using the tools that we play with here. Or other tools that you happen to like.
We create safe spaces for ourselves to get to learn about our stuff, so that we don’t have to be in our stuff.
We live by this here.
That is the point of this blog. It is the point of the past seven years that I have been building this business. It is the point of everything I do.
If you’re able to be enthusiastic with me today about my adventure and say joyful celebratory things, I would love that.
If you’re not able to, use the tools.
As always, you can call silent retreat! Or you can leave an imaginary gift here for the ship. Like a flower. Or a pebble. Or a bottle of bourbon.
Love, as always, to the commenter mice, the Beloved Lurkers and everyone who reads.