What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
Clint Eastwood.
Background…? Yes, I should probably give you some.
Okay. When my internal monster collective is being too scary or mean for me to interact with, I call for a negotiator to do it for me.
The current situation: I want to purchase some clothing to help me practice for the necessary identity shift that’s part of something I’m working on right now. A secret costume!
Meanwhile, the monsters are up in arms about the EXTRAVAGANCE and DOOM. And that’s probably enough to go on. Let’s do this.
The setting.
A dark pub.
No, it’s a saloon.
And Clint Eastwood is sitting at a wooden table in the corner. The taciturn, sun-weathered, spaghetti western Clint Eastwood. The ambiguous anti-hero.
The man who single-handledly made poncho-wearing weirdly macho. And sexy.
Meanwhile, the representative of the Monstourage (thank you, Beth) is sitting across from him, looking agitated and angry.
Clint Eastwood looks like Clint Eastwood.
Possibly slightly more unavailable and broody than usual, but it’s kind of hard to tell.
The first round.
Monster rep: This. Is. Absurd.
{The Monster rep slams his fist down on the table menacingly.}
Absurd, I tell you! Don’t you know that Havi JUST SPENT money on things to wear — frivolous! Wasteful! Imprudent!
This is already well beyond what’s allowed. There cannot be talk of more. There can be no Sunday Very Personal Ad asks for things for her. Preposterous!
Absolutely NOT!
Clint Eastwood: ….
{Says nothing. Chews on a piece of straw. Looks at the monster rep.}
The second round.
Monster rep: Yes, okay, fine.
Fine. Yes. Everything she bought this month was on that big sale thing so yes, she saved us a lot of money.
And she would have bought all that over the course of the year anyway, so that was actually sensible. You’re right.
But but but! She might buy more! Extravagance! Danger! Doom! Being judged! Bad things!
There could be more. We CANNOT have more.
Clint Eastwood: ….
{Says nothing. Removes straw from mouth. Lights a cigarette. Exhales. Taps ash. Leans back.}
The third round.
Monster rep: Yes, alright! True, true.
This was stuff she needs. And it means less back and forth between the bolt holes.
And she can use this all for [upcoming conference]. Which is a really big deal.
That sale was a lucky thing — a secret wish come true at the exact right moment.
But please, no more!
What if she ends up with NO MORE money? Lack! Lack! Again! We can’t ever let that kind of suffering happen again! Look how much pain it brought our sweet girl. Please no more pain for her.
And also what if people judge her and think she’s EXTRAVAGANT?!
Clint Eastwood: ….
{Raises eyebrow.}
The fourth round.
Monster rep: Fine. Fine!
You’re going to say we’re just doing that same thing we always do when we try to create walls and force a state of stagnation, instead of allowing for flow.
And you’re probably right. It’s our trust issues! It’s our fear! It’s not in present time. It’s because of then!
We do have trouble trusting.
And yes, when she brought in the Scientists to observe and take notes, science has shown us that when she buys things consciously and with intention, everything is okay.
And yes, the things she is buying right now are congruent with her bigger vision, which is important.
But but! SLIPPER SLOPE! I mean, SLIPPERY! Yes.
What if we let up and she starts buying stuff ALL THE TIME?! Because you know what will happen then, don’t you, Clint Eastwood? Doom doom doom doom doom doom. Doom.
Clint Eastwood: ….
{Puts out cigarette. Looks at rep.}
The fifth round.
Monster rep: Okay, okay, okay.
No doom. We take back the doom. I don’t know why I said doom.
Just show us what’s on the table. What’s in this week’s Gwish Envelope?
Okay, fine. You can also show us the qualities.
And sure, yes. You can even show us the notes from Barrington about why Havi needs this now.
Clint Eastwood: ….
{Slowly pulls out an oilskin packet and pushes it across the table to the monster representative, without blinking or changing expression.}
And then what?
The monster representative looks at the Wish.
He touches the name of the Wish.
The qualities of the wish begin to be released. They float around the table and light up the saloon like little colored lights. Like stars.
It’s a weird little magical moment inside of this dark saloon.
No one else notices anything.
It’s just Clint and the monster rep and the floating sparkling qualities.
The secret essence comes out.
The Wish reveals its secret name and purpose: COVERAGE.
It reveals its secret identity, which I cannot share here.
It shares its secret message:
Sovereignty. Under. Things.
It shows its qualities:
Simplicity. Beauty. Harmony. Efficiency. Flow. Congruence.
It tells me about the secret core layer of strength and power that this costume gives me. It tells me about the superpowers that emerge from having acquired this costume in a harmonious way.
And then the monster rep nods and leaves through a mousehole. I’m not really sure how he got so small all of a sudden.
Clint Eastwood tips his hat to no one in particular and then he’s gone too.
It was a pretty good day.
I got my costume.
Without that stomach-clenching oh noooooo feeling coming out when I went to get my credit card.
It felt safe. The right version of me to be doing this was at the front of the V.
I want to tell you all these things about this! But I am going to take a page from the Clint Eastwood handbook and not say anything else for now.
The commenting blanket fort!
We all have our stuff. We’re all working on our stuff. It’s a process.
We play. We interact with our stuff in the safest ways we can.
We remember the principle of “people vary!”. Each of us gets to take loving responsibility for our stuff, and to separate out from other people’s stuff.
We create a supportive environment by not telling each other what to do or how to feel.
You can play here! Or suggest hilarious western villain names for monster representatives. Or draw things, if you have the Monster Coloring Book.
Besos.
Very Personal Ads #126: Just ask Barrington
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these VPAs to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
You know, some weeks I have massive VPA resistance, and even the thought of wanting or finding out about the wanting (or admitting to it) is already a really big deal.
This week I have lots of wants, but am not entirely sure how to formulate them. I guess because they seem so contradictory.
On the surface, at least.
But I know from having done this for … yes, a hundred and twenty five weeks in a row … it all kind of sorts itself out.
So maybe I’ll start with that.
Thing 1: An extra helping of clear knowing.
Here’s what I want:
I don’t have to know how all my asks fit together, but I want some perfect simple solutions to show up.
And I would like to remember that these seemingly contradictory things are actually harmonious.
That they support each other. Like fractal flowers. And they share the same basic elements.
Ways this could work:
I could do some Shiva Nata on it and have realizations and see how it could all work.
Actually, knowing Shiva Nata, I’ll come up with six or seven different ways that it could all work.
Which is fine by me!
My commitment.
To do my secret marathon training sessions (shhhh, this is a proxy and it’s actually relaxing and I like it — don’t tell the monsters!).
To reflect.
To ask curious and loving questions about the various things that I want right now, to find out how they’re all connected. To see if there are shared qualities and to spend time with those qualities.
Thing 2: A HAT!
Here’s what I want:
A HAT stands for Havi’s Announcing a Thing , and there is a thing that needs announcing.
This requires a HAT page and some administrative decision-making time.
Ways this could work:
My new experimental practice of Sceptering , which seems to speed things up.
I could use the extremely great Deguiltified Chicken Board from my Kitchen Table program, which does the magic every time.
And I can find out what is hiding inside this HAT and get to know it.
My commitment.
What if there is a restful, playful, fun, ease-filled way this could happen?
Here is my plan! I am going to find out which parts of me think this is even possible , and then ask them for advice about how to talk to the parts of me who think this is bullshit.
Thing 3: A Holiday for the Pirate Queen!
Here’s what I want:
This is embarrassing.
I promised myself a proper vacation after the Shivanautical training I ran in September.
But then there was the September Rally (Rally!) and then the eight day voyage of Crossing the Line and then teaching in Colorado and then the Great Ducking Out .
So basically I’ve been teaching non-stop for months, even though I have already (ahahahaaaaaa) learned the hard way that teaching requires SERIOUS time for assimilation, consolidation and recovery.
And that it’s not enough to just take a few days off but I need to immerse myself in being gone.
The time for this is now.
Before it becomes Emergency Vacation and before my body requires it of me.
Ways this could work:
I have December open.
Shiva Nata could show me some kind of creative, hilarious solution that wouldn’t require a ton of planning but would still be really restorative and awesome.
Oh! Barrington could help!
My commitment.
I am going to interview Barrington and interview Slightly Future Me, and together we are going to find a solution.
Thing 4: The Grand Enthusiastic
Here’s what I want:
As you might have guessed, there is nothing I love more than running Enthusiastics.
I want to do one with some colleagues about my vision for the business, and about 2011 and about 2012. But combined.
Ways this could work:
Maybe as a result of my Pirate Queen Absconding Holiday (which needs an even better name! or a secret agent code name?).
Like, maybe I’ll be so rested and restored and invigorated that the Enthusiastic will just need to happen! And it will be simple and fun.
My commitment.
To enthuse it up!
Thing 5: Ease-filled monster negotiations
Here’s what I want:
There is a thing I need to take care of, and the monsters are dead set against it.
So I want to find out what they need to feel safe, and what their secret mission is.
And I want to resolve this thing so that I can go ahead with my part.
Ways this could work:
Trust. Faith. Practicing.
I can call on some Negotiators.
Also I think metaphor mouse might like to sit in on these sessions as a possible translation assistant. Excellent!
My commitment.
To wear PINK. Because that’s part of the thing being negotiated.
To create shelter and safe rooms for the parts of me who are scared. To remember that now is not then. Now is now, and now is better.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
Let’s see!
I wanted a stand for the PLUM (the Playground User Manual), and it turned out that Chuck had one. That was easy. Yay!
Then I wanted consolidation and that happened. Though yes, I could use some more.
I also wanted to make three scary things less scary. Two of them are totally not scary anymore. And I can’t remember what the third one is.
So either I’m the most repressed person in the world, or that got resolved too. Phew.
And then I wanted to practice playing with congruence, and that was most of my week. Oh, thank goodness for the Very Personal Ads because HAPPY SIGH I feel so much better now.
Play-filled comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.
- Wanted: Your own personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like.
- You can also do these on your own or in your head. You can always call silent retreat!
- Leave your gwishes! Throw things in the pot!
- Things we try to keep away from: the word “manifest”, telling people how they should be asking for things, unsolicited advice.
- VPA amnesty applies, of course. Leave yours any time between now and next Sunday (or whenever, really) — it’s all fine by us!
xox
Friday Chicken #174: Poor me, a cup! Pour me a cup!
In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
Okay, you guys. This is just weird. How is it possibly Friday?
I feel a bit bewildered.
Like maybe this week went by crazy fast and managed to be two weeks at the same time. Fine. Let’s chicken.
The hard stuff
Seeing all the things that are incongruent.
Wanting to change them and bring them into now.
Except some of these are easier than others.
And some involve clearing out old pain, and this is hard.
And also Time-Consuming, the monster representative would like me to add!
Grief.
While I was writing the post about the Enthusiastic, I was listening to Israeli radio. On my phone. Because it’s the future.
This always makes me slightly homesick, but it’s usually worth it to feel home at the same time.
And then when I tuned into the essence of ENTHUSING, this song came on.
It was the song that my friend who is dead used to cover with his band, and hearing it transported me instantly to the first bar I worked at.
It was kind of perfect, because he is the one person who was always truly unconditionally enthusiastic for me — rejoicing in the good, and being awesome when I couldn’t see the good.
He always gets to be on my Enthusiastic! In fact, he would insist on it.
But still I spent a good hour wandering around the Playground, feeling that familiar torn-heart pain of loss again.
How is it already December?!
I shake my fists in protest.
This is an outrage! An outrage, I tell you.
The time thing. It is hard.
Setting expectations. It’s work, y’all.
I don’t really have any more to say about that.
Can we just have a big sigh of agreement?
Actually, I do have more to say about that but no words. I had a massive and indescribable shivanautical epiphany this week about how setting expectations and releasing expectations are intimately connected, and that I have to do both simultaneously.
I don’t know how all the parts fit together yet.
And part of me cannot let that go.
We needed to do lots of safe rooms this week for all of the not-knowing.
Maintaining my space.
The thing with being biggified is that there can be a lot of attention focused at you.
And people project stuff onto you.
Sometimes I’m really good at force-fielding, and other times it takes me longer to recognize what’s going on and clear it out.
The good is that I am so much faster at resolving this. The hard is that being more aware of when it’s happening makes me realize that it is constantly happening.
Someone else’s pain.
I can’t do anything about it except love them.
It’s hard.
And remembering that it is not about me and does not reflect on me is also something that requires steady and active attention.
The good stuff
Congruence play.
I spent pretty much the entire week bringing things into harmonious relationship.
Or really, letting old things fall away and making room for the new things.
And it was easier than the monsters thought it would be. Actually it was pretty fun, most of the time.
It was like being on Rally (Rally!), except by myself.
Related: getting stuff done!
I updated the events page, and rewrote the Shiva Nata events page.
And did a bunch of other things. Done! Done! Hooray!!
We found our Flairground!
The Flairground!
MANY EXCLAMATION POINTS.
It’s where we’re doing Shivanauticon!
MORE EXCLAMATION POINTS.
And there might be a cotton candy machine!
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!! I am so excited about this that I am constantly flinging myself on the floor and wriggling around like a puppy. Basically, I am a puppy.
And guess what? Our Playground insurance covers this event as well so we don’t need additional insurance. Bonus win!
Enthusiasm!
I am running a special Enthusiastic at my Kitchen Table program about how it’s going to change in the coming year, and everyone is being awesome and enthusing with me.
This feels so so so good.
Especially compared to past years when I remember there being some minor anxiety attacks and temper tantrums about these kind of announcements. For whatever reasons, people weren’t able to remember to meet their pain first, before responding, as we do here. But now they can. And now I feel less conflicted about reminding them of their ability to do this. And all of this is big progress. Yay.
Anyway, it’s a big deal to be right here, right now, with an amazing group of people who have all done the work to be right here, right now.
If that makes sense.
And it’s a big deal for me to have enthusiasm in my life. So thank you, all of you!
The Playground is the best place to be comforted.
Thank you, hammock. Thank you, cushions. Thank you, wonderful clews and surprises everywhere.
A house is a house for me!
After I wrote about tiny homes for everything, guess what happened?
Léan sent me and the Playground this book called A House Is A House for Me.
I’d never heard of it, and it is just perfect:
“A box is a house for a teabag.
A teapot’s a house for for some tea.
If you pour me a cup and I drink it all up,
Then the teahouse will turn into me!”
Yay! I put it in the Refueling Station, and it seems to like its new home.
Ooh, and we’ve had lots of packets of stickers arrive for the arts & crafts room.
Thanks, Melanie! Thanks, anonymous sticker-donors! Keep them coming… 🙂
I am strong!
And I did a bunch of push-ups this week.
Boy push-ups! Real push-ups!
Or what other people apparently just call push-ups.
This whole wax-on wax-off thing is paying off. It’s a proxy but it’s also happening for real, which just makes the whole thing even better.
Secret Reflectings with my partner-in-crime.
We are doing big work but in the most sneaky roundabout ways.
It is brilliant.
Also I invented this new practice called Sceptering, and it is changing everything in my business, and also completely baffling the monsters.
Gigantic hot buttered epiphany is blowing my mind!
Once I pick my jaw off the ground I will tell you about it.
The magic word is COOPERATIVE.
Taught my first cross-training program of the season.
For the hard-rocking women of Guns N Rollers, the roller derby team that I sponsor.
YEAH!
We did some EXTREMELY bad-ass Shiva Nata (with sound effects and numbers and costumes and hilarious flailing!)
And they talked about some of the results they had from doing this last year, and the whole thing was very inspiring.
The fun part of the Chickening happens here.
From the archives.
Some old, weirdly pertinent posts that I don’t remember having written, encountered while looking for something else:
- This one is super recent. But read it again! A love letter for you. For the moment in which you become an adventurer.
- 10 myths of biggification. I hardly ever write a “ten things” or “eight blahblahs” sort of post, but this one is important and worth revisiting.
Playing live at the meme beach house — it’s the Fake Band of the Week!
Background? Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once translated “people will hate me and be jealous” to “they’ll hang out at my Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
This week’s band is all about innuendo and raised eyebrows. And klezmer-ey clarinets.
I am pleased to introduce you to:
Hmm Hmm and the Hmm Hmms.
Though, of course, it’s really just one guy.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
- The January Rally (Rally!) is so close to full. If there’s a way you can make it, doooo eeeet.
- Shivanauticon! YES! Sign up so we can send you details when we have them. We will not send marketing emails to persuade you. Just: here’s what it is.
- People at the last Rally were really good at destuckifying. Turns out most of them already had the Monster Manual & Coloring Book. That makes sense. If you don’t have that, put it on your wish list.
I think that’s everything? If not, I’ll add stuff to the Very Personal Ads over the weekend.
That’s it for me …
And of course you can join in my Friday ritual right here in the comments if you feel like it.
Yes? Anything hard and/or good happen in your week?
And, as always, have a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come. Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s okay if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
Goodbye, November. Hello, December.
Ah, it’s that time again.
Of transitions and entry and going through the doors.
What has happened since we said goodbye to October and then hello to November?
I’m not sure. Probably lots of things!
Let’s find out. How about this time we do it Friday-Chicken style (the hard and the good of November)? And then we can plant some gwishes for December.
Also I am going to be five years old today.
November, these parts were hard for me this year!
- Traveling is hard on my body.
- I don’t recover as fast as I used to.
- Kansas ********** City. Seriously, what rock were they hiding under all season?
- It turns out that Denver and I do not get along as much as I’d hoped, because I like oxygen so much, and not having it in what are harmonious quantities for me was both challenging and distressing.
- Cardio withdrawal because of the above, which resulted in severe grumpiness.
- I want a holiday so badly I can taste it. A proper holiday, with no work at all.
- Too many things happening!
- Building next door and downstairs neighbors to the Playground being problematic.
- Having to tell people things they don’t want to hear.
- Anxiety about having conversations in which I tell people things they don’t want to hear. A lot of having to remember that now is not then.
- People I love were in freakout mode, and it was painful to watch.
- I am doing things that scare me!
November, these were my favorite parts about you!
- Wearing my new coat, and being warm and cozy.
- Ohmygod, Rally (Rally!). Rally was amazing.
Next one is in January — it’s pretty close to full! - And not just any Rally but the Great Ducking Out.
- Speaking of which, I had twenty-seven billion epiphanies, and now everything is better.
- I also taught that workshop in Boulder, and it was beautiful. Hi, guys!
- Being at roller derby Championships was a very special and much dreamed-of thing. Plus I got to hang out with Juno and Donow.
- The Hoppy House pickles that the gentleman made from the cucumbers in the garden. Ecstatic exclamations of pickle joy!
- Also the gentleman has a beard now, and somehow this has not triggered trauma stuff for me.
- Rituals and proxies. I listened to Werner every night. I hung out with J each morning. There were daily secretive reflectings (with scissors!), and daily mini marathon trainings (with eye pillows!). We played in secret agent code, and it was awesome.
- My #1 partner-in-crime and I have been up to deliriously outrageous things, and we spent hours on the phone giggling like teenage girlfriends.
- You guys! Shivanauticon! It is happening. We even found the Flairground.
- I got a REALLY good piece of news that I am happy about.
November, here is what I want to say to you.
Thank you for being a home for the things I needed to do.
Thank you for structures and forms that were comforting.
Thank you for reminding me about what doesn’t work.
Thank you for letting me play with you instead of my usual way of fighting you or trying to make you be something else.
And for showing me what needs to go into the Almanac (yes, the Book of Me) for next year. I will see you in twelve months!
But I will be a newer version of me, and you will be a newer version of you, and we will have a new relationship. And it will be beautiful.
December, I am looking forward to these things about you!
- I am teaching TWO workshops for the roller derby team that I sponsor.
- And other than that, I am — gasp! — not teaching anything. At all. Crazy, yes? I know!
- Cairene is coming to the Playground to do a cool project with me that involves helping me plan my year. All I know is that it involves glue sticks. Yay!
- My partner-in-crime is coming to visit and she is staying at Hoppy House and we are going on adventures.
- Hannukah. Candles and yum.
- Cutting up all the catalogs and using them for fun Playground projects.
- Brunching fun things for 2012.
- Dreaming up cool things for Shivanauticon!
- Hot baths. Flannel sheets. Warm soup. Potato kugel!
- Endings. More doors. Conscious exit.
- Saying hello to all the new things that are coming.
December, this is what I want to experience with you.
- Trust.
- Warmth.
- Sustainability.
- Grilled cheese!
- Absconding.
- Immersing.
- Holding Enthusiastics.
- Doing something with the Daily Chicken (it doesn’t exist yet) and also giving it a new name.
- Reflecting.
- Receiving.
- Knowing what I know and wanting what I want.
- Orange. Lots and lots of orange.
- Secret treasures and marvelous surprises.
Planting December’s gwishes.
A gwish is somewhere between a goal and a wish, and I have so many of them, but — just like last month — I am going to whisper-plant them in my journal instead of putting them here.
If you would like to whisper with me or whisper loving wishes for my dreams, that would be good.
Come play with me! Comments in the giant collective blanket fort.
I’m putting this all into the pot with love.
If you would like to throw things into the pot and/or think about your relationship with this past November or this arriving-December, go for it. You can do it here in the comments or silently in your heart. Or wherever and however you like, obviously.
We all have our stuff. We let other people have what’s theirs and take responsibility for what’s ours. And we do this through not giving other people advice or telling them how what to do or how to feel.
Extra wishes for a safe, healthy, delight-filled December with lots of the good kind of surprises.
The Convening of the Enthusiastic
My darlings!
Today I am convening an Enthusiastic. Yay!
And YOU get to be a part of the Enthusiastic. And take part in it. Should you choose to. Yay!
This is all very exciting. And meta.
Because it is going to be an Enthusiastic on the subject of Enthusiastics. Yay!
What’s an Enthusiastic?
It’s like a board. A meeting of the board.
But not bored. Not bored at all.
Because you’re enthusiastic! See? It’s FUN.
And instead of having a meeting of the bored where everyone is bored, we have an Enthusiastic where we get to enthuse.
It is quite jolly, as Barrington might say.
Plus there are really good snacks. And possibly confetti. Yay!
What happens at an Enthusiastic?
For one thing, we are enthusiastic! Very much so.
Also there is SHOW & TELL.
Show & Tell is kind of similar to the thing that grownups call a “presentation”. But there’s no powerpoint and no judgment.
And it’s not stressful to be the person doing it. Because it’s kind of like this…
Me: You guys! Look at my puppy! PUPPY! So soft!
You: Ohboyohboyohboyohboy! It’s a puppy! Yay!
Except not a puppy. But like a puppy. It’s something you’re excited about and hopeful for.
A gwish, a dream, a hope-filled semi-plan, an aspect of a tiny sweet thing. Yay!
What is the purpose of an Enthusiastic?
An Enthusiastic exists as a safe and cozy way to:
- tell certain people about something you care about, knowing that it won’t be poked at or picked apart.
- practice thinking about the thing you want.
- think out loud and generate more ideas.
- have a welcoming for your idea.
- experience what it’s like having a fairy godmother collective.
- practice giving and receiving firgun.*
* Firgun = Hebrew slang. In this case: Being joyfully, whole-heartedly and demonstrably happy and appreciative about someone’s good news or good fortune.
Yay, an Enthusiastic! So how does it work?
Like this! There are three parts.
1) The establishing of wants.
The person convening the Enthusiastic tells the members of the Enthusiastic how she or he needs them to be enthusiastic today. It’s basically a request for the type of enthusing desired.
Of course, the members of the Enthusiastic are sovereign beings, so they can consciously interact with this request in their own way, and choose a version of responding that suits them.
I’ll give some examples of how this works in the next section.
2) The Show & Tell.
When it is my Enthusiastic, I like to imagine that all the things I want to say are inside of a magical treasure chest. Or inside of a Mary Poppins bag that can hold anything — look, a hatstand!
And then I pull things out of the bag and everyone goes oooooooh and aaaaaaaaaaaah and wow!
But sometimes I feel like playing dress-up, and then I have a flip chart and a clipboard and I wear an outrageous wig, and we all giggle hysterically.
3) The Reacting with Enthusiasm.
This part is mostly determined by the requests set forth by the Convener.
At Crossing the Line (password: haulaway), we spend an entire day doing Enthusiastics for everyone there, and it was one of the most incredible experiences of my entire life.
One person wanted us to be enthusiastic by tossing things in the air. Someone else wanted us to run around the room being spies. Some people wanted only very subdued responses, and not to be looked at.
All of these are equally good things to want. And they were all fun things to give. Yay!
Something important I have to say about that.
You might think (I did!) that it could be frustrating to not react in the way that first occurs to you.
But actually there’s something incredibly reassuring about knowing the kind of response someone wants. It is so easy to give someone what they want, and so useful to know what that is.
And if, for whatever reason, you can’t give them what they want in the way that they want it, you give it in the form you can. For example…
Say they want everyone to jump up and down and yell WOOOO!
But maybe you have a headache, or you just can’t jump up and down right now.
So maybe you just WOOOO from your seat. Stand your WOOOO instead of jumping it. Write it on a giant sheet of paper and lift it.
You participate in the essence of the wanting, without making yourself unduly uncomfortable. You take care of yourself. Yay!
Related to that!
It might happen, while in someone’s Enthusiastic, that your stuff comes up.
Maybe some monsters. Or some jealousy. You might find that it’s hard to be fully happy for the person doing Show & Tell because of your own stuff.
Understandable! This is a sign of appreciation-depletion on your part. It means you’ll need to give yourself the experience of safety, permission, amnesty and receiving. And to convene your own Enthusiastic.
For the moment though, if you’ve committed to an Enthusiastic, it’s important that you be present for the experience.
It’s great if you’re noticing your stuff. That’s information you can use later. It doesn’t make you a bad person! Scribble some notes about it.
And then interact with it later on your own time. Because we don’t let our stuff take the stage at someone else’s Enthusiastic. We’re here to give.
Your Enthusiastic exists to give you what you need.
In the way that you can receive it right now.
You don’t have to want questions.
Or you don’t have to answer questions if you do want questions.
You can change what you want at any point, and let people know (“I thought I wanted YAYs but actually I would just like happy appreciative murmuring!”).
You can run the whole thing from another room, or by having a small bunny interview you or while hiding behind a potted plant. Safety first!
It’s a practice. We practice.
Enthusiastic celebration! And the commenting blanket fort.
Today you get to be my Enthusiastic. If you feel like it.
You can do it silently by yourself or here in the comments. Whatever feels right.
Here is how I would like to receive enthusiasm today:
- Loving hand-on-heart sighs.
- Saying YAY for the existence of the Enthusiastic and YAY for any aspect of it.
- Appreciation for my Show & Tell (which was on the subject of what an Enthusiastic is, because I am sneaky!).
- If you have participated in an Enthusiastic with me before and have stories about how awesome it is to be a member of an Enthusiastic, that would be great!
Yay!
p.s. I am running lots of Enthusiastics right now because I need all the enthusiasm I can get to support Shivanauticon. If you come to a Rally (Rally!) this year, you could be in an Enthusiastic with me! But only if you want to. 🙂