What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
Secret phrases for secret agents doing things secret agent style!
Okay, just so you know.
This is definitely one of those things that makes sense in my head, and possibly nowhere else.
But it’s about play and destuckifying and the experimental approach, and so many other things we talk about here. Extrapolate and adjust, as necessary.
The background.
I am phobic and weird about oh so many things, really you don’t want to know and I don’t want to make a list so let’s just drop this making certain types of phone calls.
It’s a fear. But it’s not an irrational fear because I don’t believe in irrational fears.
Anyway, it sometimes makes it hard to be me.
And even though I know a lot about sneaking around fear in general and this fear in particular, sometimes it still hits me, and I can go into serious avoidance mode for way longer than is comfortable.
The idea.
Last week I was using the Deguiltified Chicken Board (part of my Kitchen Table program) to brainstorm some creative ways to actually make the damn call, since it really needed to be made.
Here’s what I came up with:
The plan! I will pretend that I am a spy and that the interaction is happening in code.
I will write down the code sentences to be used.
Then I will hide in the closet and make the call in a sly, secretive manner. Oho!
To be clear, I did not actually think this was going to work.
Generally, nothing works, other than using every techniques I can think of and processing the process and talking to the monsters until the situation destuckifies itself.
Which is time-consuming. Awesome, but time-consuming.
The result.
Super spy method turned out to be way more effective than anticipated. Also more effective than it should be.
I had my code phrases ready (writing them was fun), and something about Being Prepared made it easier.
And in a matter of minutes I had two appointments made and on the calendar.
Compared with weeks of avoidance, this is really, really good.
Sample secret agent phrases.
Spy moves! I have spy moves!
And a dictionary.
What I say:
Hi, I was hoping to get a trim, this weekend if possible.
What it secretly means:
Pssssst! I am the one you should be talking to. Let’s exchange the papers. I will come in, pretending to get a hair cut, and then something outrageous will happen. Let us make haste! The future of the world depends on it!
What I say:
Good morning. {breathe} This is Havi Brooks and I’d like to set up an appointment with Dr. X. And I have two questions about that. {breathe}.
What it secretly means:
Fiends! They tried to follow me, but I outsmarted them. Please direct me to the nearest safe house.
And now I have Spy Cards. Yay.
They aren’t really cards. Yet.
But that is the name of a new document in the black binder that is the Book of Me. It’s there to remind me that this sneakified goofball approach is weirdly helpful, and that I should stick with it for now.
And it tells me what my Useful Phrases are. It tells me that being a spy helps me stay in my force field and use my ninja moves. Fwaaaaaaaaah! Dance of Shiva!
Calls are so much easier when I use my Spy Cards. And hide in the closet.
I still don’t like making calls. I still resent the fact that I don’t have a personal assistant to do everything for me.
And who knows, maybe one day I’ll go on phone sabbatical the way I’m on permanent email sabbatical. Ahhhhhhh.
But right now is right now. And right now these calls are happening. And this is a pretty big thing.
Play! And the comment zen blanket fort.
We all have our stuff. We’re all working on our stuff. It’s a process.
Related to that is the fact that people vary. And our stuff varies.
The important thing is not one technique versus another, but the approach. That is, playfulness, curiosity, scientific exploration, observation and the willingness to be wrong about what we think we know.
If you would like to play, I would love that.
You can come up with secret agent phrases of your own, whether for phone calls or conversations or any situation you like.
Or invent your own experiments for making a hard thing possibly more doable.
Also, is always reassuring to be actively reminded that I am really truly not even close to being the only person in the world who is intimidated by picking up the phone.
Closet-hiding awkward phone-avoiders unite! And sparklepoints for everyone!
Very Personal Ads #82: let’s isolate things
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
So my itty bitty personal ads made me realize that it’s time to make a regular practice of trying to feel okay asking for stuff.
Even when the asking thing feels weird and conflicted.
Ever since I posted the first one asking my perfect house to find me, which united me with Hoppy House, I have been a fan of the madness that is personal ads.
And now it’s my Sunday ritual for clarity and remembering and stuff like that. Yay, ritual!
Let us dooo eeeet.
Thing 1: noise-isolating headphones!
Here’s what I want:
I love writing while sitting in a cafe.
That is, I love it when the background noise is a general undifferentiated low-volume clatter-chatter-thrum.
But loud-talkers and arguers and what seem to be therapy sessions in progress have been taking over my favorite places to write.
I would like to find the kind of headphones that keep that kind of noise out. And some sort of carrying case.
Ways this could work:
One of you could give me a recommendation.
Magic of the internet?
My commitment.
To be patient with my HSP-ism (Highly Sensitive Person, go read the book!).
To take the necessary precautions to avoid hating humanity. (Work at the Playground, keep earplugs in every jacket pocket and every bag, find a new cafe.)
To think about the variety of useful meanings of the word “isolate”.
Thing 2: Fairy lights.
Here’s what I want:
Or x-mas lights or hot pepper lights or pirate lights.
The Toy Shop at the Playground needs something to make it even more sparkly and shiny and wonderful, and I think this would really help.
Ways this could work:
Maybe one of my blog readers has some they would want to donate.
Maybe we can find some on Craigslist.
Or I might wander by the perfect place and there they are!
My commitment.
To appreciate sparkliness and lighting-up in all forms.
Thing 3: The Shiva Nata teacher training: I need your help!
Here’s what I want:
I just found out that someone from the Shiva Nata teacher training can’t come. Sadmouse! So much sad.
And in addition to feeling sad for her because she can’t make it, I am also feeling conflicted because re-announcing a thing once it’s full is a huge administrative hassle.
I and my crew need to do other things but we can’t do other things when we’re re-announcing.
So. Asking for a quick and easy resolution to this. Smoothness! Ideas!
Ways this could work:
Someone who really, really wanted to do the best teacher training ever but didn’t make it because it sold out could raise their hand!
Could definitely be someone who doesn’t even slightly want to teach but just wants to get way better at generating moments of bing and doing the brain scramble thing.
Another idea? Something else? Perfect simple solution? I hope so.
Wheee!
My commitment.
To wish loving and sweet things to this wonderful Shivanaut (I will miss her!) and to the lucky one who gets to come instead.
And I am going to respect my time and my capacity, and I am not going to announce this or write a post about it, other than telling you here.
So my gwish is that the VPA brings us the person who will rejoice over having the chance. And if it doesn’t I will ask for some systems tweaks instead.
Oh, and to give you the link again. It’s here. I know it says it’s sold out, because it was, so please send a note to the First Mate if you’re interested.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
The biggest thing I wanted last week was for some announcements to happen. But they couldn’t happen, because it turned out that there was a good reason for not announcing them right now.
We also wanted improvements for the Playground Toy Shop, and amazing things have been happening with that.
We moved one set of shelves out, one set of shelves from on top of a desk to the floor, and flipped another bookcase on its side.
So now everything is super low to the ground, and it feels way better.
Then we put up a bunch of Mary’s lamps, some bowls of candy, and put the library somewhere else. Awesome. Thank you.
Then I asked for movers, and found some. And linked to Tobi’s project supporting Donna’s Good Things. No idea how that went but yay Tobi!
Thing 4: Trust.
Here’s what I want:
I’m in a bit of a trust crisis right now. Ready to find my way out of it.
Ways this could work:
The usual way. Destuckifying!
I can negotiate with monsters, and process the process and dance the patterns and do what needs to be done.
My commitment.
To give myself time, patience, permission, appreciation and seclusion while I’m in this.
To remember that whatever I’m going through is legitimate and understandable.
To talk to the resistance instead of resisting the resistance.
To find out what is useful about being stalled. And to take baths, bounce, walk, stretch, move, nap and cry as much as I want.
Comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.
- Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for. Or updates on last time!
Stuff I’d rather not have:
- The word “manifest”.
- To be told how I should be asking for things.
- To be judged, psychoanalyzed or given unsolicited advice.
Wishing love and good things for your Very Personal Ads! I’m so happy to have people doing this with me.
Friday Chicken #130: Delirious brain scramble.
Because it’s Friday AGAIN. And because traditions are important. In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
Not sure how we got here ,but yay.
A special, completely delightful, extra-long Rally (Rally!) had been keeping me crazy-busy.
Let me say that I am astonished that Friday is here so quickly. Hi, Friday!
The hard stuff
High stress Monday.
Which was not good, because that’s when the Rally was starting. Too much to do, not enough time/ways/resources to do it.
Not fun.
Still catching up on sleep.
And not very well.
That is to say, catch-up is not really one of my primary skills. Learning.
Behind on other things as well.
Like Drunk Pirate Council. And pretty much everything in my business. Getting there.
Sloooooooowly.
Choosing.
There are three things I really need to do in the morning to keep the peace/sanity.
And each day this week it worked out there was only time for two of them.
I alternated which two, just in case there was a combination that worked better. But it still left me feeling off-balanced and kind of buzzy.
Not walking.
Walking is thing number four that I really like to do in the mornings, and it got shoved to a way distant back burner.
And I miss it.
Moments of being completely overwhelmed.
Which sucks. Iguanas everywhere.
The good stuff
I wrote a thing that I didn’t want to write.
And I was having a seriously hard time of it.
But I used the Deguiltified Chicken Board at the Kitchen Table, and the Monster Negotiation Board, and I did it.
And while the doing wasn’t fun, the having it done feels fantastic. Ten thousand sparklepoints for meeeeeee!
Fractal flowers!
That’s my name for the thing that happens when you work on one thing and it destuckifies all the other stuff you’re working on.
Totally happened.
The mugs showed up! Just in time. Hooray!
We got these fabulous orange mugs for the Playground Galley. They have the Playground logo with the pirate-duck flag (the Jolly Selma!) on them and they are awesome.
Love.
And I also got my first opportunity to make good use of my duck paperclips. Twice. Thanks and kisses to Mariko for those.
Ohmygod. Rally Rally Rally Rally Rally. Rally!
I love it so much I can hardly stand it.
This week has been absolutely delightful. This group of Rallions is completely amazing, we are having so much fun together, and I am getting insane amounts of stuff done.
Some epic projectizing, including a Species Chart of all of my iguanas, all sorts of useful chapters for the Book of Me, and quite a few big surprises.
Also, for some reason we ended up with a group of pretty advanced shivanauts at this one, so we have been epiphany-ing up a storm and breaking our brains. Level 7, y’all.
Bing bing bing bing! Rally!
Despite the busy, the blog still got some love from me.
The past several weeks it’s been really hard to get to my morning writing practice (that’s one of the three morning things).
This week I chose writing over the other two things, and while I missed them, it also felt really good to be back. Hi, guys. Missed you.
I can’t wait until I figure out how to re-organize my life in such a way that I’ll be able to have/do all three. But that’s what the next Rally is for, right?
Stars.
So I got this thing for the Playground that projects stars onto the ceiling.
It is the most incredible and indescribable thing in the world. Like a private planetarium show.
And since we have these ridiculously high coved ceilings, it just looks spectacular.
At Rally we have been turning out all the lights in the evening, snuggling up with blankets and pillows, putting on music and having a star show. It is perfect.
And some of the lovely presents that arrived for the Playground this week.
A giant package of colorful, weirdly shaped post-its from Pearl turned out to be a huge hit and just the right thing.
We were post-it-ing and mapping all week, and together with the construction paper, the glitter crayons and the sparkly pipe cleaners, much chaotic fun was had.
Also Pearl (a Rallygator of Rallies past) is the most adorable and most beaming person you have ever met, and just thinking about her sweet face makes me happy.
We also go an assortment of new wigs for the costumery, plus new posterboard, stencils, crayons and stickers to play with too. Huge appreciation to everyone who is helping this space be even more magical.
And … playing live at the meme beach house it’s the Fake Band of the Week!
My brother and I have this thing where we come up with ridiculous band names and then say in this really pretentious, knowing tone, “Oh, well, you know, it’s just one guy.”
This week?
Hormonally Hoodwinked
They’re playing in town all week. Except that it’s really just one guy.
That’s it for me …
And yes yes yes, of course you can join in my Friday ritual right here in the comments bit if you feel like it.
Yeah? Anything hard and/or good happen in your week?
And, as always, have a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day and a restful weekend-ing.
And a happy week to come. Shabbat shalom.
The Piling and the Depiling. Part I?
One of the things I’ve been messing around with lately is my relationship with piles of things.
I pile. I pile a lot. This is a known thing.
But it’s not just the usual Stacks of Useful Paper that I tend to think of inhabiting my pile-loving world. And it’s not just messes of iguanas and doom.
There are piles of information in my head, piles of Direct Messages on Twitter, piles of messages at the Frolicsome Bar, a wide variety of piles.
These piles serve a purpose for me. Or really: a couple of purposes.
And they are full of patterns.
The first adventure.
So I’ve been using the Rally (Rally!) — and all the madcap Shiva Nata we’re doing — to learn more about the patterns and lovingly rewire as necessary.
The mission: figuring out what I need and what the piles need and what the iguanas need.
There have been an astonishing number of resulting shivanautical moments of bing bing bing ohmygod that!!!
And much scribbling down of information and mapping of connections.
So. I thought I’d share the part I started with.
It’s a series of my Book of You questions. And here’s how I used them:
Two rounds. First round: total free-association whatever comes up. Second round: taking a bit more time to think things over.
The first round is here. I can post the second more-in-depth round too, if people are interested. Let me know.
Hey, piles. What do I know about you?
Let’s see.
Why I make them
Because it’s what I know.
How I make them
I can’t decide what to do. The iguanas take up so much space and so I hide them. I hide from them too, but mostly I am helping them hide.
The purpose they serve is
Monuments to despair and monuments to hope.
Reminders.
What I know about them, me and our relationship
We both misunderstand each other.
Where the pain is
Having things in common with X. Plus all the iguanas.
What they symbolize
Support.
Wait, what? Support?! Interesting.
Why I need them
An identity thing, maybe. Who would I be without them? No, it’s about death. It’s about goodbyes.
Why I’m done with them
They create walls and I am a wall-whisperer.
What is the connection between my past and piles:
Avoidance.
The version of me who is done with them.
She has other ways of working with systems and containers.
What I don’t know yet.
How to trust.
Playing. And the comment zen blanket fort.
What I would love:
If you wanted to think out loud about any of those questions, investigate your own relationship with piling, or do some of the super-speedy word association thing too.
A cup of tea.
If you would say Vhoooooosh! Which is the sound of stuckness dissolving and all the right spaces opening up.
What I would not love:
Please no advice, recommendations or pep talks. I am doing this in intimate thing in my way and in my own timing, and I need a lot of spaciousness with that.
As always, we all have our stuff. We’re all working on our stuff. It’s a process.
Love to all the commenter mice, the Beloved Lurkers and everyone who reads.
These are the superpowers.
One of the things we do at Rally (Rally!) is this:
We dream up superpowers.
Nothing fancy. Just whatever pops into your head in a given moment.
Some are fun. Some are silly. Some are weighted, some have capes, some are bashful, some come with provisos and caveats, some live in snow globes, some are lighter than air.
I have been collecting some of these superpowers and found that they wanted to be proclaimed. In fact, they wanted to be together. Like a kind of poem.*
So here we are.
These are my superpowers.
I can see things growing, as they’re growing. I can see them.
And I see what is there. I see what is not there.
To see through fog. Like headlights.
To know what needs to be said and what does not need to be said.
The right words appear at the right time. To name things that need names.
I can remember why I love things even when I’m not doing them.
How to find the useful in every piece of hard.
Wherever I go there is a portable refueling station.
All doors open for me.
Colors become sharper. Boundaries become apparent.
My force field becomes stronger every day.
I have a precise compass. A precise, loving compass.
Sweetness surrounds me.
Important things about superpowers.
If someone’s superpower appeals to you, it’s okay to decide you want it too.
You can begin to let that superpower begin to sift into your force field.
You do not diminish someone else’s powers by bringing a superpower into your world. There is enough for everyone. And you’re not taking it from them.
Not only can you have a superpower that someone else has named, but you can also call on some of the superpowers of the Playground, and make them yours:
Creativity, inspiration, safety, play, power, freedom, comfort, sweetness, endless possibility.
And of the Rally: Trust, silliness, experimentation, sovereignty, autonomy, support, wonder, pie. Rally!**
And of this blog: Reassurance, permission, acceptance, the ability to make up fake bands on the spot, steadiness, home.
They are there for you when you need them.
Playing! And today’s comment zen blanket fort.
Invoking a superpower is like slipping a message to your unconscious.
All these different parts of you have to start figuring out what you know about this power, and how to apply it. Which is awesome.
Being willing to be surprised is useful. It’s a practice.
And even if you’re pretty sure that the power you wish for has nothing to do with you, it’s a worthwhile experiment to stop and feel what happens when you name it.
So I thought it would be fun if we could do some naming of powers we’d like to have in our individual force fields. Play with me? Yay. Thank you!
* We had an accidental poem once, plus moons, rain, protection and a mess of iguanas.
** The February Rally is just about full but there’s still some room in March. Take a look. Rally!