What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
Friday Chicken #128: we would theoretically rock it here or there
Because it’s Friday AGAIN. And because traditions are important. In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
So. This is by far the latest we’ve ever pooblished a chicken. But it’s still before noon, at least here on the west coast.
Anyway, this week went by in kind of a blur, but it was a fabulous blur, for a change.
Hello to all the Chickeneers of the High Seas! Let’s see what actually happened.
The hard stuff
So much tired!
Started the week a bit woozy, got massively energized by being on Rally (Rally!), which was awesome, but could have used way more sleep this week.
And now I want to go hibernate please.
Saying yes to one thing means saying no to other things.
There’s always something kind of sad about that.
A lot of what was on my mind this week had to do all the projects and people that weren’t getting my love and attention.
And even though I know from experience that it all evens out, and that working on one thing is secretly detangling the stuck of all the other ones….
I was really wanting to participate in more than I could, and then being a regretful mouse.
No time for Hoppy House.
Being out of the house all week was very disorienting.
So I’m sitting at the dining room table now (thanks to the Very Personal Ads), and feeling… out of touch.
No walking.
Usually Selma and I walk everywhere, and that didn’t happen this week and I really, really missed it.
Temperature.
Last week we had no heat at the Playground, so there was much anxiety about getting that fixed in time.
And it did get fixed (yay) so I didn’t have to stock up on heaters, blankets and hot water bottles, but it got too much fixed and we were kind of steamy.
Not knowing what I want.
Which pretty much never happens.
Trying to problem-solve things that are not my problem.
Exhausting and pointless.
Sad about Rally ending.
Nooooo!
I totally could have rallied for another few days.
The good stuff
Ohmygod Rally Rally Rally! Rally!
So much fun!
This was a Rally for people who have done at least one year of my Kitchen Table program, so it was kind of like a crazy in-person reunion.
Oh, the fun! Brain-scrambling and hammock-napping and pattern-detangling and bubble-stomping and creatively biggifying.
Plus dressing up and winding down and having very yummy snacks. I can’t really explain it, but this has really been the most astonishing week.
We did extraordinary things, and everything I learned lives inside of me now.
My people. They are amazing.
I say this every time I run a program, but that’s because it blows my mind.
Getting to spend a week with intelligent, creative, playful people in an intelligent, creative, playful environment is basically heaven for me.
I know that this business I have built brings in smart, compassionate, loving, wonderful kookiness. And I don’t know why.
But it is uncanny.
Mad projectizing powers: activate!
As always, I got ridiculous amounts of stuff done while rallying.
And negotiated with monsters and learned a bunch of Unexpected Things that resolved a bunch of challenges I didn’t even know needed attention.
I got to plaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!
This week was seriously fun. In fact, I cannot even remember the last time I had so much fun.
It was just pure play. Play with dance and movement, and with piles of blankets and with letting my project take me wherever it wanted to go.
That thing about being five years old… I did that this week and it was like this, and it was completely delightful.
So overjoyed I could cry.
The astonishing thing about rallying with people who have been consistently working with my techniques and teachings over the past couple years:
They use the stuff I teach! Regularly, as a matter of course. And you can see it working all the time.
It’s so beautiful.
People paired off to be negotiators for each others’ monsters. And they coached each other using all the stuff we do here.
They were so quick at destuckifying, and at identifying what the stuck was and where it was coming from, and meeting it with compassion and curiosity.
It was like watching the video montage at my Lifetime Achievement award ceremony. I could see my work in action, and in it all the reminders of why this stuff is powerful and important.
Shivanautical epiphanies all over the place.
Moments of bing bing bing all week.
We did some pretty out-there stuff (cough, level 7) and my brain may have exploded slightly.
True to form, Shiva Nata delivered. And the insights are knocking me over, but in a really good way.
Roller Derby season has started up again and I am so happy about this!
Tomorrow!
Going to watch my beloved Guns N Rollers and scream my head off.
We’re sponsoring them again this year, and maybe we’ll get some shivanauts on the track too. Would be awesome.
Ooh, also an ANNOUNCEMENT!
We have two Stowawayships (kind of like a pirate-ey scholarship) for the next Rally and we’ve never had this happen, so this is a lucky thing for someone, possibly you.
This particular Rally is extra-special, even aside from the usual rally-related specialness.*
* Swinging in the hammock, going for lunch with me and Selma, wearing costumes, being five years old, chortling, having astounding realizations, drawing with crayons, getting a present, going out for pie.
Because: it’s one full day longer than a regular Rally.
And we have a bunch of very neat exercises to help you create a Book of You (though of course you can projectize any project you like while you’re there).
Application deadline is Toozday, though I assume they’ll be gone much sooner than that. So take a look.
And … playing live at the meme beach house it’s the Fake Band of the Week!
My brother and I have this thing where we come up with ridiculous band names and then say in this really pretentious, knowing tone, “Oh, well, you know, it’s just one guy.”
This week’s band is a bit obscure, but that doesn’t stop them from rocking it all night long.
Apparently they got together while working at a book store.
Green Existentialists and Ham
Weirdly enough, it’s actually just one guy.
That’s it for me …
And yes yes yes, of course you can join in my Friday ritual right here in the comments bit if you feel like it.
Yeah? Anything hard and/or good happen in your week?
And, as always, have a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day and a restful weekend-ing.
And a happy week to come. Shabbat shalom.
My force field this morning smells like freshly baked rolls.
My force field this morning smells like freshly baked rolls.
But only the people who need to come in contact with my world can find the scent. Like you. I think. Hi!
My force field is guarded by eight penguins wearing bow ties. Just kidding, they’re wearing chain mail. But it’s still super cute.
Sometimes there are twenty four of them. Today I only need eight.
My force field leaves sparkly trails and sometimes it makes a whooshing sound.
Sometimes it doubles as an invisibility cloak too.
Today my force field is filled with:
Wonder. Playfulness. Silliness. Grounding. Spaciousness. Trust. Experimentation. Curiosity. Discernment. Congruence. Sovereignty. Possibility. Sweetness.
But mainly it’s filled with the culture of me.
This jumbled thing we call culture lives everywhere I go.
I bring culture along with me inside of this circle of me-ness.
The culture of the pirate ship and the Playground and the Kitchen Table and Rally and all of it.
The culture holds me and the force field. The force field holds me and the culture.
And I wear my crown and dance my dance and stomp in my stompy boots. And take my penguins to rally.
This is my force field this morning.
What is true? What’s also true?
This is me, talking to myself.
Using the question that almost always helps.
What’s true?
So tired!
What’s also true?
This is a pattern.
Craving rest is legitimate.
There are reasons for being tired. It’s okay.
Rest is the first duty of the queen.
What’s true?
I don’t know how to stop.
What’s also true?
You do know how to stop. You have stopped many times before. Lots of stopping.
And now you’re just learning how to get better at stopping.
What’s true?
There is so much to be done!
What’s also true?
You might as well rest because there is pretty much always more work to be done.
There is no “finished”. And even if there were such a thing, it’s probably not going to suddenly happen now.
You have options. You can build new and different structures. You can add a list of types of restful things to the Book of You.
You can play with all of this at the next Rally (which will help you get better at using the Book of You.)
You have more influence over your day than you think you do.
What’s true?
I do have a million things to do and they’re all important.
And there are real deadlines that I have committed to.
What’s also true?
You invariably have the sensation that there are a million things to do. Which means it’s more perception than absolute reality.
So you probably don’t have to do all of them, at least not at once.
You have support! So many people can help you.
You have a creative, playful, mindful, inquisitive approach that will help you untangle this.
You can do Shiva Nata on it to figure out what needs to happen with the pattern.
What’s true?
These things! They are fires to be put out!
I mean, not literally. But I feel anxious when I’m not actively trying to put them out.
What’s also true?
Since this feeling of urgency is a constant, you could also experiment with not putting out fires. Let it burn.
What’s true?
I have fear that these fires will consume me. And fear is always legitimate. There is no such thing as irrational fear.
What’s also true?
It won’t consume you. The fire will consume itself and then be done.
You do not need to take upon yourself the job of being the extinguisher. Let it burn itself out. Fire ignored and isolated cannot live. Put rings of stones everywhere.
And you will see that there are fewer fires. As long as you keep insisting on putting out the fires, there will always be more.
Let them burn themselves out and ignite themselves and burn themselves out again.
It has nothing to do with you. It’s their cycle, not yours.
And you will get to the point where you won’t care about whether or not something is appearing to be a fire. You will take time for yourself.
What’s true?
This scares me.
What’s also true?
You are made of the element of water.
You are flexible, resilient, curious, creative, You can take many shapes. You can experiment, compromise, laugh, dance, take notes.
You can play with this. You can take it to Secret Play Date. You can take it to Rally. Rally!
Let’s play.
Very Personal Ads #79: but not green in a jolly giant way because that would be weird.
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
So my itty bitty personal ads made me realize that it’s time to make a regular practice of trying to feel okay asking for stuff.
Even when the asking thing feels weird and conflicted.
Ever since I posted the first one asking my perfect house to find me, which united me with Hoppy House, I have been a fan of the madness that is personal ads.
And now it’s my Sunday ritual for clarity and remembering and stuff like that. Yay, ritual!
Let us dooo eeeet.
Thing 1: a green or green-friendly cleaning person.
Here’s what I want:
Someone to lovingly and enthusiastically clean the Playground on a semi-regular basis.
Someone who will use green cleaning ingredients.
And who really respects the specialness, the integrity and the sovereignty of this crazy, magical space.
Ways this could work:
Maybe one of my PDX readers knows of someone.
I could ask my neighbors if a person or a firm comes to mind. And the Playground’s neighbors!
And I could write a love letter too.
My commitment.
To put the word out.
To work on my stuff (see next ask).
To give this as much time as it needs.
Thing 2: to be okay with outsourcing cleaning.
Here’s what I want:
I know all the biggifiers do it, blah blah blah.
But it’s really uncomfortable for me. It just is.
And if anyone tells me to read the E-Myth book, I will kick them in the shins. Let me have my stuff, please.
So I need to work through my stuff around this, in my own way.
Ways this could work:
Hmmm.
I can talk it over with the Playground. And with slightly future me. And my business.
Maybe they can help me see the good things that will come as a result from this change.
There is a part of me who is feeling sad and conflicted about this, so I need to spend some time with the loss, and maybe build a safe room or two.
My commitment.
To ask for help and support. To draw giant permission slips in crayon.
To take my time.
Thing 3: the best rainboots ever!
Here’s what I want:
Sadly my bright red puddle-stomping rainboots that the gentleman gave me a few years ago have retired.
I want stompy puddle boots! Colorful ones! Comfortable, waterproof, easy-to-walk-in puddle boots.
For the puddle-stomping! And to be cheery on the grey days.
Ways this could work:
Maybe I’ll find some in my wanderings, or in the neighborhood of the Playground.
Or one of you could have a marvelous suggestion.
My commitment.
To not neglect the stomping.
To take delight in small things.
To play.
Thing 4: there’s still room for two more people in Crossing the Line!
Here’s what I want:
Even though my Crossing the Line course started Friday, there’s room for two more people.
And since this is the most amazing and one-time-only thing in the entire world, I would love for those two people to find it and say yay.
There’s hardly any catch-up to do at this point (just listening to the first call recording, reading the notes and doing the Chicken Wombat Unicycle exercise, which is totally less scary than it sounds).
And even people who aren’t crossing a variety of lines with me and Selma might still want to come to the next Rally (January 24-28!) because it a) has a whole extra day at the regular price and b) is all about the Book of You.
Ways this could work:
I could tell you guys.
And remind the Frolicsome Bar!
And send out some magic. Activate the secret force of Heinzelmaennchen!
My commitment.
To madly love this program, its potential and everyone in it.
To help everyone who plays get what they need. To dance and laugh and jump around.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
Honestly, I cannot even believe it’s already been a week. So fast!
The first thing I wanted was a speedy solution to the tech disaster, and it happened! Unbelievable! Hooray. Thank you.
I asked for a calendar and got three. And they are wonderful! Thanks, Colleen and Waverly and Mary!
This is so completely perfect, because I really wanted more than one, but it seemed like too much to ask for. Now there is a calendar everywhere I need one. Joyousness.
Then I wanted movement with all the projects-in-process. This did not even slightly happen. But, in a weird way, that was good. Other things happened. It worked out.
And now we’re about to Rally, so whatever isn’t done will get taken to be rallied.
Comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.
- Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for. Or updates on last time!
Stuff I’d rather not have:
- The word “manifest”.
- To be told how I should be asking for things.
- To be judged, psychoanalyzed or given unsolicited advice.
Wishing love and good things for your Very Personal Ads! I’m so happy to have people doing this with me.
Friday Chicken #127: glamtacular spatchcocking, on the other hand
Because it’s Friday AGAIN. And because traditions are important. In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
Yay! The first Chicken of the New Year.
Better already.
Which is good, because this week was pretty intense, and I’m feeling a bit dazed.
Let’s see what happened. Hmmm.
The hard stuff
No weekend, again.
Thanks to the mad tech problems with reopening the Kitchen Table after dry-dock, I worked the entire weekend and so I was already burnt out before the week even started.
Not good.
Feeling like the guy from that yiddish parable.
You know, “it could always be worse!” and then he ends up living with sheep and goats and guess what, it is worse.
Like that. 🙂
Every time something got unbroken, something else broke. On a deadline, with a hundred people waiting. No sooner would we say march back to square one, then square one would crash and we wouldn’t even have that anymore.
Incredibly frustrating.
Body unhappy.
Actually it was me unhappy which lead to not sleeping which lead to body unhappy which lead to sleepy, careless accidents.
Twisted my back moving desks at the Playground, sliced my knee, two papercuts and another back-related thing.
We forgot to hand out the valium in the welcome packets again.
Since this is the third year in a row that I’m running the Kitchen Table program, and I already know that everyone goes into mad freakout mode the first week, you’d think I would be expecting this.
Oh wait, I was.
It’s just that I thought everyone else would also remember this.
The patterns. They are predictable.
Normally I find this phenomenon…interesting, entertaining, fascinating, intriguing.
This week not so much.
No movement on the one thing that really needed movement.
Between the chaos and commotion of the week, the one thing that really needed to happen didn’t.
Which means that a bunch of other things are going to have to move and change.
Pretty sure that something good will come out of the chaos, but I don’t know what it is yet.
Valium for everyone! On to the good.
The good stuff
A zombie yule miracle.
Against all odds we really did manage to get the Kitchen Table open on Monday.
Even though the day before so many things had been broken that it seemed like there was no way out of the mess.
I credit the the wonderful round-the-clock emergency work of our dedicated tech genius. And the Very Personal Ad. And the helper mice!
Huzzah! A big source of worry turning out to be okay.
Fun! With clients.
Now that I’m out of my own end-of-the-year dry dock period, I was back to seeing clients all week and it was so much fun!
Much silliness and laughing and intensely creative solving of problems and destuckifying.
It was really just a pleasurable thing, and I was happy to be back to my routine.
Movement! And momentum.
Like finally moving some of the 3-ton desks at the Playground. And fixing lots of things-that-needed-fixing.
And getting new rugs.
It looks absolutely gorgeous. But mainly I feel inspired by this burst of movement.
Obsessing over spirographs again.
It really is the most shivanautical thing ever.
Thanks to Claire for sharing this. Wow.
A day off! With a friend! When does that ever happen?
Not just a day off, but a day full girl talk and pizza-eating and hilarity.
And hanging out at the Playground, of course.
Oh, how I love Shannon. You should too. She’s marvelous.
Bill Bailey introduced me to the possibility of using the word spatchcocking as a descriptive insult.
And now I can’t stop.
This may have saved my week, because it brought on a fit of the giggles, and that was so exactly what was needed.
Fabulous Rallying of Rally coming up in 3, 2, 1!
This Monday is a special Rally that I’ve been looking forward to for ages.
Selma and I get to meet some of our favorite people ever, and it is all VERY exciting!
And only one more week until Roller Derby starts up again.
I’ve seriously been going out of my mind without derby bouts to watch.
We’re sponsoring Guns N Rollers again and I’m so thrilled for this season that I can hardly stand it.
If you’re in Portland, come next week! And wear pink and black, or I’m not even talking to you.
Seriously, come find me — I’ll be the one in the outrageously hideous (but glamtacular!) pink and black camo faux fur mini-skirt, probably holding a duck.
And … playing live at the meme beach house it’s the Fake Band of the Week!
My brother and I have this thing where we come up with ridiculous band names and then say in this really pretentious, knowing tone, “Oh, well, you know, it’s just one guy.”
This week’s band:
Pig-Faced Tyrant
And it’s the worst band in the entire world. Oddly enough, it’s actually just one guy.
That’s it for me …
And yes yes yes, of course you can join in my Friday ritual right here in the comments bit if you feel like it.
Yeah? Anything hard and/or good happen in your week?
And, as always, have a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day and a restful weekend-ing.
And a happy week to come. Shabbat shalom.