What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
Possibility.
I’m thinking about two especially frightening mental places to find yourself in life.
The one where you think everything is limited.
And the one where you realize that everything is possible.
I’m handing this over to you.
Remember when we had an experiment here where I gave you the concept, and let you expand on it?
You get to guess what I’d be saying about this. Or figure out what you know about this.
With a couple of starting points.
The relationship between the two.
At the Destuckification week in California that we did in January, we dissolved the scary of the first one:
What if I can’t ever get beyond these (external + self-imposed) limits?
And at the Week of Biggification in North Carolina next week we will — among other things — be making peace with knowing that so much more is possible than we think.
Playing possibility, being possibility, finding the gaps and acting on what we know.
Everything and nothing.
There is truth in the statement that everything is limited.
And there is also truth in the statement that everything is possible. And there is the truth of the continuum.
Part of accessing possibility is the ability to ask, “What else is true here?”
For the shivanauts.
Shiva Nata is about connections. And freedom from having to follow default patterns.
How is this related to the everything is limited and yet everything is possible question? And how does it help us find our way through it?
You’re welcome to play if you like. Comment zen for today?
We are thinking out loud here. This is not about absolutes or right versus wrong. It’s about examining what is possible.
We all have our stuff. We’re all working on our stuff. We let everyone have their own experience, which means we don’t give each other unsolicited advice. And we are curious about where we get stuck.
Kisses to the commenter mice, the Beloved Lurkers and everyone who reads.
Very Personal Ads #69: definitely not toothbrushes, that’s just obnoxious
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
So my itty bitty personal ads made me realize that it’s time to make a regular practice of trying to feel okay asking for stuff.
Even when the asking thing feels weird and conflicted.
Ever since I posted the first one asking my perfect house to find me, which united me with Hoppy House, I have been a fan of the madness that is personal ads.
And now it’s my Sunday ritual for clarity and remembering and stuff like that. Yay, ritual!
Let us dooo eeeet.
Thing 1: sequencing and timing.
Here’s what I want:
I have what might be the busiest week of my life coming up.
If you saw my schedule, you would cry.
Everything on it is a good thing, and a thing that needs to happen before I go to Asheville next week.
I would like order and brilliance and for the pieces to fall swiftly and cleanly into place. For one thing to further the next. For every single step to help the next one go click click click click into completion.
For things to happen in right timing.
Ways this could work:
I can remember to use my domino-ing technique.
Lots and lots of Shiva Nata, obviously.
Mise en place, as Cairene always reminds me.
Breathe breathe breathe.
I don’t know what else but I’m receptive to being pleasantly surprised.
My commitment.
To laugh hysterically at the crazy.
To flail and then flail some more.
To wake up early and tramp it up.
Thing 2: Halloween.
Here’s what I want:
It will be eleven years this February since I quit sugar.
My beloved Hoppy House is the one place where I never ever have to think about it.
I’m fine with letting other people happily do their own thing. I’m fine with the fact that people vary, to use a Paul-ism. And I make a point of not evangelizing.
And at the same time, it still just feels weird. I am not in love with the idea of personally passing out drugs to tiny people.
But who wants to be one of those healthier-than-thou people handing out organic soy alfalfa tempeh sprout sticks?
Ways this could work:
I don’t know.
We have a neighborhood full of adorable children. And I have a Playground full of pirate costumes.
So if we don’t end up turning off all the lights and hiding and watching Pushing Daisies on Netflix …
Is there a not-horrible-for you candy that I can give? Or a non-candy alternative that will not make me a hateful person?
If so, I want to know what my options are.
If not, I want to be able to just go ahead and overload those adorable tiny little brains with things that make them crazy — and not feel bad about it. Or watch Pushing Daisies and not feel bad about that.
Basically I just want to not feel bad about things. This isn’t about Halloween. It’s a sovereignty ask.
My commitment.
To ask the neighbors for suggestions.
To find out more about the sovereignty stuck: where is the guilt and what does it want?
Thing 3: for some things to work themselves out.
Here’s what I want:
Still working on the thing from last week with a challenge at my Playground space.
Over the gah conflict part of it, but would still like a more peaceful resolution.
And there are some other things that could use peaceful resolving.
Ways this could work:
Let’s see.
I could stop caring about it.
Things could right themselves.
People could say “this is where I stand”, so I know where they stand.
My commitment.
Trust. Patience. Curiosity. Play.
To look for the gaps.
Thing 4: right people for Hiro’s amazing new class.
Here’s what I want:
I am so excited about this two-class series that I can hardly stand it.
The idea is closing out the year that was, and then planting all the good for the new. But way better than that.
It’s basically advanced Very Personal Ads, and Hiro is a terrific teacher and explainer.
Her exercises are like nothing else. This stuff goes deep. I cannot recommend this class highly enough.
And I want to see it packed full of people, because I need her work out in the world. It makes it easier for me to do mine.
Ways this could work:
I can tell you about it and give you the link.
And help her in any way I can.
My commitment.
To do just that.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
This was a hard group of asks.
I wanted a place to stay for SXSW — and still need some suggestions. Thanks to everyone who told me about who they like for massage.
Next up was ease in conflict resolution. And while the situation hasn’t been resolved, I wrote a clear and sovereign letter, stood my ground and have been working on the part of it that’s my stuff. I no longer want to throw up, so … progress.
I was hoping for some decorations for my Wishroom, and someone on Twitter offered to send me a hammock. Nice. This one still needs some work, so I’ll have to mess around with it some more.
And I wanted next steps on the five year plan. And while that didn’t exactly happen, I’ve been putting in the emotional groundwork. So it’s happening. Just underground. I might want to re-ask and focus in on the structure and sequencing.
Comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.
- Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for. Or updates on last time!
What I’d rather not have:
- The word “manifest”.
- To be told how I should be asking for things.
- To be judged, psychoanalyzed or given advices.
Wishing love and good things for your Very Personal Ads! So glad for everyone doing this with me.
And postscripting to remind you about the Great Ducking Out and how extremely great it is. We have five people coming so far and they are awesome. Would love to hang out with you too, if there’s a way to make it work.
Friday Chicken #116: a horse is a horse of course of course except when it’s a chicken
Because it’s Friday AGAIN. And because traditions are important. In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
What an unbelievably full week.
Just full.
I’m still kind of reeling from how busy it was.
Lots of unexpected hard, lots of unexpected good — most of it hidden inside of the hard. And just a lot. In general.
Let’s see.
The hard stuff
Oh, the misunderstandings.
And the multiple ways in which a simple misunderstanding can get tangled up into a giant plonter of a no-longer-simple misunderstanding.
Assumptions piled on assumptions.
Lots of detangling. And more left to do.
Conflict from last week still unresolved.
Another Playground-related thing. Being pushed. And not knowing what to do about it. And not liking any of it.
So now I’m past the vomitous angsty pit of stomach despair phase.
And past the this is impossible to deal with phase.
Past the part that is all about the sad.
But I would really just like to get this cleared up.
Discovered a fairly large administrative disaster.
What fun.
And apparently this problem has been going on for months. Wow.
So we got to discover lots of GIGANTIC FIRES that we didn’t know about while they were happening. And they’re totally irrelevant now. Which I guess is good.
Anyway, that was extremely unnerving.
Horses.
1. You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make him drink. So they say.
2. Being thirsty is a legitimately uncomfortable experience for horses, who will often express their frustration. All they want is to drink but where is the water?! This happens regardless of how often you lead them there.
3. This often remains true even if you’re right next to the water and you splash in it and drink from it yourself, and point to the giant sign that says in horse-language: WATER! HERE! IT COSTS NOTHING! GO AHEAD AND DRINK IF YOU WANT SOME!
4. Sometimes you just have to accept that there isn’t a whole lot you can do about this. It is not your job to get the horse to drink.
5. I’m not always good at #4.
* I’ve been teaching since I was fourteen. Thinking creatively about new ways to approach learning is what I do. Good things will come from this as always. The narrative will rewrite itself. No advice, please.
Mosquito in my bedroom.
I protest.
“Giants baseball! TORTURE!”
Love hurts. Not always, but on occasion it has been known to.
And loving the San Francisco Giants is a painful, complicated thing that involves some of the most incredibly agonizing moments imaginable.
I’m trying to quit. But of course there is no such thing.
The good stuff
Baseball. I still love it.
The excitement. The beautiful. The astonishing athletic feats that make all the doom worth it.
And yes, still in it.
Roller Derby!
After our disastrous bout with the BAD Girls that killed our chances of going to Chicago for nationals …
Chicago came to us. And it was outrageous. The fourth ranked Western division team (us!) took apart the first ranked North Central division team (them).
Final score? Portland’s Wheels of Justice: 134. Windy City: 90. Gah. We should so be at nationals.
But it was a fantastic bout.
Also Casey and Cairene were there to scream with us, so it was even more fun than you’re already imagining.
Reordering and reorganizing.
Fall cleaning mode is in full swing.
We launched a whole new batch of systems changes.
I managed to get rid of eight categories in the most tangled section of the pirate Log.
So needed! And it only took 90 minutes and not days, like I imagined it would.
And then I closed TWENTY SIX troll doors, and oh the happy. Breath of fresh air.
It’s not hot anymore!
Selma gets to wear her scarf. And I get to wear layers again. This is a good thing.
I am both much more attractive and much nicer when I get to wear layers.
It’s almost flannel sheets season, and yay.
The massive Getting Done of Things!
This week. It was so intense.
- I wrote the Navigation Guide for the Week of Biggification.
- Updated the Rally FAQ! WIth help from the Frolicsome Bar!
- Announced the Great Ducking Out.
- Got the February Rally underway.
- Deconstructed and reconfigured all my programs for next year (shivanautically).
Time off.
Even with all the madness, I managed to take a day and a half off.
And go for walks in the sun.
Making up for all the teaching weekends. Slowly.
Stuff I read and appreciated this week.
This post from Amy with lovely reporting on the Rally.
This piece from Maryann on resting and actually doing it.
Then Alison took my metaphor mouse exercise and did something amazing.
This beautiful and touching obituary detailing the absolutely fascinating life of David’s father Louis. Zichrono livracha.
And … playing live at the meme beach house it’s the Fake Band of the Week!
My brother and I have this thing where we come up with ridiculous band names and then say in this really pretentious, knowing tone, “Oh, well, you know, it’s just one guy.”
This week it’s ….
Paper Dorks.
Yes. My favorite kind of dork. But it’s really just one guy.
And some of the lovely presents that arrived in the mail this week.
A handmade rug for the Playground. Another costume. A calendar.
And a fox mask! Brilliant.
That’s it for me …
And yes yes yes, of course you can join in my Friday ritual right here in the comments bit if you feel like it.
Yeah? Anything hard and/or good happen in your week?
And, as always, have a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day and a restful weekend-ing.
And a happy week to come. Shabbat shalom.
p.s. ANNOUNCEMENT! Not mine! Josiane will be teaching an entry-level Shiva Nata class in Toronto on Monday. It’s pay-what-you-want, and if you are anywhere near Toronto, you should go.
Rethinking. And 4 announcements.
I was setting up the HAT (acronym for the page in which Havi Announces a Thing)* for the Great Ducking Out.
And it occurred to me that there’s kind of no point in giving people an option for sneaking out of something if you don’t help them with how to do it.
So I looked up my alignment exercise, thinking someone would probably find that useful.
It turns out I’ve written about this exercise on all sorts of different occasions on the blog. And it also turns out that I am hilarious. Though mostly unintentionally.
* Five years running an online business and I still can’t say “sales page”. It creeps me out. Haberdashery is my workaround!
The alignment exercise.
Posts in which I’ve described the alignment exercise (which, by the way, totally needs another name — metaphor mouse will have to come and save the day):
- On PTSD
- The Encroachers
- 8 ways to have a seriously unpleasant conversation
- Awkward conversations and a wacky exercise
- and all the way back to June 2008… curing phone call dread
And then I felt like an idiot. Because I am smack in the midst of this frustrating situation of conflict, and I have been avoiding my favorite exercise for deconflictizing conflict— the one that always, always, always works.
So, as we know, there is always a good reason for avoidance.
Yes, we do know that.
So what was my good reason?
I have been passively and actively Not Thinking about using the alignment exercise because I’m in resistance.
And I’m resisting alignment because I don’t want to see the negative things I have in common with this guy. The shadow.
I don’t want to say, “Wow, he’s territorial, condescending and manipulative, and HEY SO AM I.”
But of course that fear is a monster-fear. Not real.
Anyway the shadow is where the useful stuff lives. And we don’t have to encounter it directly — there are safe ways to interact with pain.
Alignment is really about finding the good.
It’s about finding the points of human and real and vulnerable.
And making room for people to have made mistakes for a completely legitimate reason. It’s assuming misunderstanding rather than nefariousness.
So instead of letting my well-meaning fuzzball monsters run the alignment (“What if you find out that his dorsal fin is just a reflection of your dorsal fin, you awful awful person?!”) …
I’m going to need to translate. Into the good. And use some “even though”-ing.
Like this.
Even though I feel anxious about his motivations … I know he really cares about his business. And I also really care about mine. Alignment.
And even though I have a lot of fear of losing out, based on past experience, I bet he does too. Alignment.
Even though I get really worked up when I think that someone is trying to push me, it looks like he does too. Something else we have in common.
I want acknowledgment and so does he. I want people to be considerate of my space and so does he. I want peace of mind and so does he.
There. That wasn’t so bad. Not a fin in sight.
Right. Of course. There are gaps and openings. There are fox passages.
So where else am I teaching this but not using it?
Everywhere.
I could be doing this with the HAT itself. With suppliers. While scheduling the year.
With past me and with future me. I could be teaching my staff pirate crew to do this too.
And I can remember to keep modeling it and practicing it here and at the Kitchen Table, so it becomes a basic part of the crazy thing that is culture. Because culture always wins. But that’s another post.
Okay, the part about all the announcements.
Because there is much craziness going on here on the pirate ship where we are having one Drunk Pirate Council after the next.
Mostly the good kind of craziness. I think. Long live Drunk Pirate Council! Or something. Anyway.
1. The Great Ducking Out.
Remember when I said I’d do a special ahahahahahaha run awayyyyyy thing for American Thanksgiving?
It is the Great Ducking Out. And it will be at the Playground. And it is fabulous.
If you can make it, we would love to avoid things with you too!
2. Sacramento in December!
Selma and I will be in Sacramento, California on Friday, December 3rd.
There will be an afternoon class of Shiva Nata, kooky exercises, writing and hot buttered epiphanies.
And there will be a very small gathering in the morning where I will teach.
Details to come soon, but save the date if you’re anywhere near the Bay Area.
(Though really? Last year people came from New York and London for this one. So maybe just save it anyway.)
3. Shiva Nata teacher training weekend (Feb 18-20) is almost full.
You do not have to be any good at Shiva Nata or even like it. You just have to be up for gigantic bursts of insights. And want to become a really good (or even better) teacher and facilitator — of anything.
People are coming from the UK, France, Australia and all across North America.
Some have done Shiva Nata maybe a couple times and some were at the last teacher training. Both of those are fine.
It will be fantastic. And you are invited. And yes, read about it. Because otherwise I will have to make sad faces when I announce that it is not available anymore.
4. Dates for the next Rally. Rally!
I know I said the next real Rally (Rally!) would be in January, but I’m actually doing a private program then. The next available-to-the-public Rally: FEBRUARY 22-25.
Also I rewrote the Rally FAQ.
With way more questions and answers than before, thanks to the Rallygators and some of the lovely people at the Frolicsome Bar (aka facebook).
So please peek over there and tell me if there is anything that I still need to answer.
Rally ho!
Play! And comment zen for today…
Let’s see. We could brainstorm.
Ways you could use the alignment thing.
Or ways you have been avoiding it.
Or maybe you have questions about any of the events so that I can write a new FAQ. Or good wishes. Those are welcome.
And speaking of wishes, I am wishing myself a speedy, harmonious and ease-filled resolution of everything that needs resolving.
And I will wish you the same, in case you need it.
As always, we all have our stuff. We’re all working on our stuff. It’s a process. We get to play.
Tiny little troll doors.
Remember the other week when we were closing doors all over the place?
So today it’s tiny little troll doors.
I imagine them kind of like this.
Yes, that’s the faery door that lives at the Playground — and sometimes mysteriously moves around, though really I suspect the Rallions of the Rally of doing that.
Or like the troll door in Casey’s house.
It’s a short squat door, and the doorknob is maybe a foot and a half (45 centimeters?) off the ground. I know!
And then it takes you into this tiny, cramped room where I’m pretty sure the trolls have their breakfast.
It’s not like I channel trolls or anything.
But I’ve been thinking even more about this theme of closing doors.
Of completion and finishing and making room for new things by saying “okay, this is closed now.”
Today is not going to be about big doors. It’s going to be the tiny ones and the hidden ones.
One phone call. One setting-up-of-an-appointment. One list of supplies.
And somehow the being-done of these things will clear the air. There is spaciousness and possibility when some of these tiny little troll doors are shut.
So of course I had to talk to the trolls.
Kind of like this.
Me: I can’t talk to trolls. I do not believe in trolls.
Kooky me: Yes, but you talk to me. And anyway, we also talk to walls and monsters and you are a pirate. I mean, drawing the line at trolls is kind of random.
Plus, you don’t have to believe in anything to play and be silly and experiment.
Me: Right. Right. There are no trolls. I’m just connecting with myself. And with things that seem important to me right now. Like order and sequence and potential. But it’s easier to talk to trolls because I can picture them.
Kooky me: And you say I’m the crazy one. That’s awesome. So what, these aren’t like …. I don’t know, the San Francisco trolls, are they? With the trance music and the parties?
Me: No! It’s more like … oh! Of course. I’ve already written about this. It’s the Heinzelmännchen again! I just need to find out what the Heinzelmännchen would do.
Kooky me: I like the way you think, you charming, adorable nutjob.
So then I just asked.
I said:
“Okay. I guess it’s hard for me right now to connect to the essence of what I want. So I’ll need some translation trolls. But what I’d like to know is: what needs to be closed?
“What needs sequence and order? What needs finishing? And how does this all happen with ease and lightness? Looking for some simple, elegant solutions and some first steps.”
And I got:
- start a list on the ship’s Bridge for X things that are living in your head right now.
- get a highlighter in each room.
- where is your flip chart?
- before you call Y, write down the three questions.
- pack the bag.
- find the black notebook (the thing you need is in there).
- go through account A and delete ten things.
- the music is wrong.
Alrighty then.
So that’s where I’m going to start.
If you would like to play with me, you are more than welcome!
You can play by coming up with your own lists of doors, tiny or otherwise. Or sharing troll stories. Or inventing troll stories. Or calling upon a consortium of Heinzelmännchen.
As always, we let everyone here have their own experience, so we listen and we don’t tell each other what to do.
Doonsk! Doonsk! Doonsk! (That’s the sound that troll music makes!)