What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
Friday Chicken #87: I’m not saying it out loud though
Because it’s Friday AGAIN. And because traditions are important. In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
Seriously? I’m pretty sure it was just Friday last week.
Is it more or less embarrassing when your mindfulness practice bites you on the ass?
Let’s do this!
The hard stuff
Projects!
I mean, treasure hunts.
Yes, that does make them sound more fun.
But it was still a lot.
Ketchup.
Being back after my Non-Emergency-Vacation was full of here are all the things that need to be done right this second.
And I wasn’t in the mood. And didn’t have time because of pesach and clients and and and.
Nightmares!
Stupid PMS.
Stop waking me up!
Possibly related: aaaaaaaaaaaagh.
Oh, the hyper-sensitivity is getting even more stabby.
It’s also that season when people reach for their lawnmowers and hedge-trimmers, and I go a little crazy.
The farfel crisis, round 2.
Last year, if you will recall, there was no farfel to be had in all of Portland. And it was slightly tragic. In a pitiful, unimportant way. Which only made things worse.
This year, we stocked up early.
But it’s been repackaged. And all wrong. And now the farfel tubes are full of farfel dust.
The good stuff
Things are moving!
Three big HATs are written.*
And edited decorated.
Which means that my big thing will probably actually go live mostly according to schedule. Oddly enough.
* HAT = Havi Announces a Thing. This is what other people call “sales pages”.
My designer is a GENIUS.
But you know that already.
Seriously, every time I look at the Monster Coloring Book, I have to stop everything and just laugh delightedly for ten minutes.
Everything blooms.
Cherry blossoms! Apple blossoms! Magnolia! Lilacs!
It is unbelievably gorgeous here.
Favorite time of year!
The seder. Was gorgeous.
As much as I bitch about pesach, I actually really like it.
Skhug.
There are all sorts of things I miss about living in Israel.
You know, like all my friends. And family. And my neighborhood. And my life.
But mostly it’s the skhug.
Got some this week. Tongue: on fire. Rest of me: deliriously happy.
Yes, I realize I could just make it. But it’s one of those things.
Lucky me.
I got to see Dick Carlson (that’s @techherding to you) who stalks my duck.
And he brought her a book. About pirates and swashbuckling and ghosts. It was pretty awesome.
Referring to people as “dirty-jawed crotchcake”. In my head.
That’s thanks to this extremely handy, extremely disturbing funny mean names generator (uh, not safe for work?) which is exactly what it sounds like comes to you care of Jenny the inimitable Bloggess (not really safe for anything but I love her).
It also came up with twinkie-livered snizzwiper and camel-bearded fruitsmoker. Oh, bless that internet.
And yes, anyone who doesn’t think this is awesome is a dirty-jawed crotchcake. See how much fun?
Got some more of these.
Flannel handkerchiefs that don’t make your nose red.
And … playing live at the meme beach house!
Yes, that’s a Stuism.
My brother and I have this thing where we come up with ridiculous band names and then say in this really pretentious, knowing tone, “Oh, well, you know, it’s just one guy.”
This week?
WOMBAT HAT
Weirdly, it’s just one guy.
That’s it for me …
And yes yes yes, of course you can join in my Friday ritual right here in the comments bit if you feel like it.
Yeah? Anything hard and/or good happen in your week?
And, as always, have a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious weekend. And a happy week to come.
Turns out Metaphor Mouse doesn’t like “projects” either. So there.
Background: the metaphor technique is something I’ve adapted from Suzette Haden Elgin‘s teachings. It’s a terrific tool for destuckifying.
We play with this one at the Kitchen Table and some of my wacky events. It’s mainly an excuse for me to make my “What’s a meta for?” joke, but the results are seriously great.
It’s also how I discovered that I work on a pirate ship. Which helped me with my hackers. And my fear of being beautiful.
More recently we turned my horrid Tickler file into an Iguana Watcher’s Guide And we turned “doing taxes” into a Secret Money Cave where I visit my treasures, take notes in my Pirate Log and make a Tribute to the lands that allow me access to their fair harbours.
Let’s do this thing.
Metaphor Mouse Chicken Iguana Pirate Troll powers ACTIVATE!
Aaargh. Projects. Unpacking the metaphor.
The situation:
I’m currently working on about a hundred projects. Which means I use the word project. A lot.
And I don’t even like it. Plus, projects have tasks and I absolutely cannot stand tasks.
So when I start messing with iguanaccountability, I’m already losing steam.
Cinderella does not like her tasks. Or her stupid projects.
This must be a job for … Metaphor Mouse!
* As always, this is is just me yelling I AM METAPHOR MOUSE to the song I am Iron Man. Yes. Still.
Unpacking my CURRENT relationship with this. (PROJECT = ?)
What are the qualities, aspects and attributes of the thing that isn’t working (including what *is* working — if anything)?
[+ should]
[+ stress]
[+ big]
[+ unmanageable]
[+ needs to get done]
[+ sometimes exciting and invigorating]
[+ proud (look at me, doing a project!]
[+ responsibility]
[+ hard to get a handle on]
[+ doesn’t always have clear boundaries]
[+ can be fulfilling]
[+ but not necessarily]
[+ tired]
[+ heavy]
[+ weight of the world on my shoulders]
[+ hard to access support]
[+ lonely]
[+ dark, with patches of light]
Reminds me of?
It’s like wandering through a forest, trying to gather all sorts of …. things that have to be gathered.
And I have these heavy packs on my back and am carrying all these baskets.
Plus I’m not even sure where I’m going or how to get there or if I’m ever going to get there. But for whatever reason I’m still not able to stop.
Learning more about my IDEAL metaphor (X = ?)
What sort of qualities, aspects and feelings does the thing I want contain?
[+ clarity]
[+ sovereignty]
[+ confidence]
[+ light]
[+ support]
[+ exciting]
[+ invigorating]
[+ happy]
[+ energy]
[+ container]
[+ clear boundaries]
[+ ritual]
[+ transitions]
[+ fun]
[+ support (not alone)]
[+ people are happy for me when it’s done]
[+ valuable]
[+ anticipation]
[+ yay]
Reminds me of?
Oooh! Ooh! it’s a TREASURE HUNT.
It’s kind of a game, so I don’t have to take it too seriously.
But it’s fun so if I want to get crazy invested in it, I can.
And I choose to be a part of it. And other people are helping me.
The things I need to do may require work, but they are clearly defined. It’s not this big amorphous thing.
And if a “task” is an element of a project, a bite sized piece, then the corresponding part of a treasure hunt would be a clew.
Or maybe it’s more like one of Lucy’s missions.
What do you think, Metaphor Mouse? Are we at metaphor?
I love this. LOVE LOVE LOVE.
What needs to happen next?
Taking forty five minutes to figure out what I know about the next clue in my treasure hunt.
And how do we make it more fun?
I want:
- people to celebrate with when a chunk of this gets done
- strategizing
- laughter
- to remember the light-heartedness of this, and let that mix with my passion for the thing I want to happen.
Play with me? Comment zen for today.
You are more than welcome to do your own Metaphor Mousing on something you’re working on.
Or to celebrate with me and join my treasure hunt.
And, as always: we let people have their own experience, and we don’t give advice (unless someone specifically asks for it).
Whee! No more projects! No more TASKS.
Come play.
*puts on treasure-hunting hat*
Item! Tiny iguana cookies.
A somewhat goofy mini-collection of stuff I’ve been reading, stuff I’ve been thinking about and oh, some completely random crap.
Basically the stuff that never gets mentioned here because I’m not the kind of person who can just make some teeny little point. Not into the whole brevity thing, as the Dude would say.
Actually, I’m under the strict compulsion to write ten pages about anything on my mind. So this is me. Practicing brevity.
Don’t ask.
Item! Post No. 58 in a semi-ongoing sometimes Wednesday series that mostly keeps me from going crazy but sometimes also adds to me going crazy.
Item! Shifts and transitions!
Item! Shifts and transitions!
Josiane writes. Many smartnesses ensue.
“Interestingly, while I don’t feel like those issues are resolved, it feels like they’re no longer as relevant as they were before – as if I had somehow sidestepped the problem, or as if they didn’t fit in my new reality.”
She’s @kimianak on Twitter.
Item! Monster Chart.
Yes, this is a monster chart.
Which is useful. Though it doesn’t list the kind that don’t eat cookies.
Also, I approve of anything called chart porn.
Item! I have a crush on this seder plate.
Yes. This one.
Except that I already have the most gorgeous seder plate in the world.
And collecting? Probably not going to happen. So I just gaze from afar and admire.
Item! The anti-crisis loop
Only the wonderful Cairene could come up with an anti-crisis loop. And then map one out for the locals.
“Oh, and no agenda. The Anti-Crisis Loop is about spontaneity – not planning or problem solving. Goodness knows your crisis is demanding plenty of that from you – and this is about taking a break from it.”
She’s @thirdhandworks on Twitter.
Item! This might be my new favorite website
Oh his site is stunning.
It’s Corduroy Audio.
Just look at this contact me page. The music is lovely too. Really, I just want to move into his website.
He’s @JackCorduroy on Twitter.
Item! Ducks in a German castle!
Yes. Well.
I don’t know what else to say but it’s fabulous.
And good to know that I’m not the only one who obsesses over ducks. Actually, I do not obsess over ducks but I am madly in love with one specific duck.
Via Cindy who is @CindyMorefield on Twitter.
Item! Ballast monster!
Everyone needs one.
Apparently.
This is the wonderful Lindsay, finding hers.
“Because no sooner had we asked, than the boat was being magically lifted, James-and-the-Giant-Peachwise, by hundreds of samba-butterfly-crew butterflies each attached to a gossamer thread”
She’s @gurubody on Twitter.
Item! A kerfuffle! And some shoes.
We talk a lot on the blog about the throwing of shoes (when someone says something mean) and our reactions to said perceived shoes.
This is an instance of someone taking the time to answer the shoe-throwers in a clear, determined way.
And it’s super interesting.
“Be creative. Be resourceful. Care about the past, and rethink things for the future. Don’t be a jerk.”
That’s @yarnzombie on Twitter. Found via Sally who is @sally_j.
Item! Ezra Pound Cake.
I followed Yarn Zombie to Ezra Pound Cake.
A woman with a master’s degree in English literature who became a baker. You already love this, right?
The pictures are delicious. Even if you don’t eat cake. Which I don’t.
Her real name is Rebecca Crump and she’s @ezrapoundcake on Twitter.
Item! My latest obsession. Something about raindrops.
Yes. Raindrops.
You make music with them. Kind of.
Do this when the internet makes you crazy. And then take a nap.
Seriously. This is almost as great as those singing horses (remember?).
Got this from Leonie who is @goddessleonie on Twitter.
Item! Update from the land of the Peculiar & Hilarious Shivanauts!
The “peculiar and hilarious” thing comes from Melynda’s sweet bit about Butterfly Wishes.
Frank — bless his beautiful, nutty heart — made a digital Dance of Shiva widget for Apple’s dashboard. AWESOME.
We had a post from Elle called Watermelon Static, and a post from Char about sleeping. And I wrote about gaps and the finding of them.
Frank is @elimossinary, and Char is @CharsFirstStep.
Item! Comments! Here’s what I want this time:
- Things you’re thinking about.
- Reassurance that Pesach will actually be over at some point, eventually, because this happens every single year. But not recipes. I have those. Just reassurances.
- Excitements for my Monster Coloring Book which is ridiculously close to done.
My commitment.
I am committed to giving time and thought to the things that people say. Even though asking for what I want still feels awkward for me, I’m just going to remind myself that this is a thing I’m practicing.
That is all.
Happy reading.
And happy Blustery Windsday. See you tomorrow.
The Book of You
So. I get cranky when I don’t get a walk in the morning. Yes, that would be today.
If Selma and I remember to make the bed (a thing we got from Gretchen), everything about the rest of the day is better. Even though that makes no sense.
If someone says “really, there’s no sugar in here”, it’s good to smile, say thank you and DON’T try it. Because if there is sugar or honey or agave or something (and usually there is), my head will explode the next nine hours are shot to hell. It’s so not worth it.
All this?
Information for the big book of me.
What goes into the Book of You:
Anything that’s useful.
All that stuff you think you’ll remember but actually you don’t.
A working hypothesis you’re currently testing (“Is it true that I feel better when I go to bed before ten or is that only true when I’m over-worked?”).
Or an aspect of yourself or your life that’s currently under investigation (“What do I know so far about what happens to me when I’m in a crowded space?”).
Why it’s helpful to have a Book of You:
It’s kind of like the dammit list.
It reminds you that you are in the process of working on your stuff. And it shows you how much you’ve already implemented.
It helps you keep that experimental scientific outlook.
It’s a mindfulness practice that isn’t annoying.
And it helps you come up with better red velvet ropes, and track your mini-epiphanies.
Some useful guiding principles for the Book of You.
People vary.
That’s why it’s the Book of You and not the Book of Humanity In General That Is Also Known As The Book of All Things For All People At All Time.
All the biggified people on the internet shouting about how you have to write in the morning and you can’t have more than three projects and how you always have to do X to get Y?
They’re not talking about you. They’re talking about themselves. They are sharing some of the information from that big Book of Them.
In fact, lots of things vary.
Just because something is true for you right now doesn’t mean it’s always going to be true for you.
The Book of You isn’t about absolutes. It’s about taking various factors into consideration, and figuring out what you can extrapolate from what you know. And then testing.
How you might set up the Book of You:
That depends.
Some of my clients and students like to have a pretty book to give it some formality. Some of them like a messy one with lots of scribblings to remember that it’s a work in progress.
Some of them keep a binder so they can tuck pages in and take pages out.
See what works for you. You can always start a new one. I mean, it’s your book.
Personally, I like to keep one item to a page.
That way I can add notes and exceptions. And questions.
For example, I have a page that says something like this:
“Sweetie, you are so much happier when you get a morning walk. The entire day goes better. This has been tested. Seriously. Just do it.”
But then I’ve added all sorts of things to this page. Like this:
“Okay, but what if it’s pouring rain in the morning because you live in stupid Portland? Does it help if you sit on the porch swing and watch the rain, so you’re at least outside?
Or is it better to do some bouncing to at least get that aerobic effect thing? Or is it better to just pull on rain pants and go jump in puddles for a couple minutes? I mean, what are the aspects of the morning walk that are most vital here?”
And then I experiment. And take more notes. In the big Book of Me.
And a couple other things to keep in mind.
Test things.
Does eating mango always make my arms itch? What exactly is it about Dance of Shiva that clears my head? What happens if I reverse those steps? What happens if I bring in Metaphor Mouse?
Something I try to remember: part of destuckifying is having a conscious relationship with yourself, so you can bring more awareness to your patterns (detective-style).
And no, you’re not arrogant or self-absorbed if you make a commitment to learning stuff about yourself and taking notes.
That’s it. Play with me!
You don’t have to know anything about what goes in the Book of You to start.
Most people start by just taking some notes. Whatever comes into your head.
Then you see what it’s like to go through your day as if researching the Book of You was your job.
You see what’s surprising. And what isn’t.
Comment zen for today.
We all have our stuff. We’re all working on our stuff.
So. If you want to throw out anything you’re working on, noticing, observing, messing around with, that’s lovely.
If you’ve been working with this Book of You thing (or want to), yay!
You can also throw out general suggestions based on stuff that works for you — as always, we try to keep it to personal experience instead of advice.
Big love to everyone (and Jessica Rabbit kisses to the Beloved Lurkers).
Very Personal Ads #39: napfest with ketchup
Personal ads! They’re … personal! Very.
So my itty bitty personal ads made me realize that it’s time to make a regular practice of trying to feel okay asking for stuff.
Even when the asking thing feels weird and conflicted.
Ever since I posted the first one asking my perfect house to find me, which united me with Hoppy House, I have been a fan of the madness that is personal ads.
And now it’s my Sunday ritual. Yay, ritual!
Let’s do this thing.
Thing 1: napping! A way to make it actually happen.
Here’s what I want:
The best thing about my Not Even Slightly An Emergency Vacation last week was the unapologetic daily napfest.
I made a little vow that once I was back, the naps would stay.
But they’re not happening.
Not because I’m not making time for them. Because I am.
It’s just that now that I’m back, there is always something that is on my mind.
Oh look there’s a conflict at the Kitchen Table.
Oh look there’s something we screwed up and now we have to write an apology letter.
Oh look this person is upset because of such and such.
I can’t nap when there’s stuff like this going on!!!
It’s not that I have to go to work or whatever. I can totally not work on it. But I’m still processing it and thinking about it and brainstorming. Which isn’t conducive to the sleeps.
Here’s how this might work:
I can ask my First Mate to not share anything with me until after nap time.
I can not log into any of my company sites until after nap time.
Nap time can go onto the schedule with a clear “do not disturb, mentally, emotionally, energetically or otherwise” directive.
Other possible solutions … hmmm.
I can try and get some Dance of Shiva insights on this. Do some journaling. See what comes up.
Put out the ask.
My commitment.
To pay attention to whatever patterns and stuff come up around the napping and related themes.
Without judging myself for having stuff or for being in my patterns.
To notice what I need, and when and how I need it.
To take notes.
To try stuff. And when it doesn’t work, to try other stuff, until something works. To keep this as a top priority, dammit.
Thing 2: ketchup.
Here’s what I want:
Man, there is big crazy catching up to do after the ridiculously long not-working thing.
Piles.
Deadlines.
Things that people are waiting on. Things that I am waiting on.
So I need serious progress without burning out.
Ways this could work:
Slow and steady.
With lots of yoga.
Use iguanability to stay accountable and keep it fun.
Use my First Mate and my fairy godmothers and whatever else can help.
Stay focused.
My commitment.
To make my first priority my own state of mind.
The napping thing again.
Lots of Shiva Nata for those mini-epiphanies.
To pay attention to what I need, what’s working and what isn’t.
Thing 3: oy, pesach.
Here’s what I want:
It’s freaking Passover like, tomorrow.
I’m still not done cleaning the kitchen. Never mind the cooking.
And, as we know from Thing 2, all sorts of other things are lined up for this week as well.
So it just has to work.
Ways this could work:
My gentleman friend will help.
I imagine there will be lots of hysterical laughter and some tears as well, but maybe it can work despite the crazy.
I don’t know. We’ll see.
The point is, I want smoothness and things getting done. And a beautiful holiday.
My commitment.
To stay connected to the essence of Pesach, which is liberation and safety.
Liberation. And safety.
And to try and bring more of that into my week and my life.
While wearing a pirate apron and throwing things around the kitchen.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I asked for rest. And got it. In spades!
That was probably the best VPA ask ever. I seriously did nothing but sleep for a week and it was awesome.
I asked for insights about belonging and got them (thanks Shiva Nata!).
And I asked for help finishing a project and totally didn’t do anything with it.
But I did get renewed motivation to interact with it, so that counts for something. We have Drunk Pirate Council tonight so I’ll poke at it some.
Comments. Since I’m already asking …
I am adding to my practice of asking for stuff by being more specific about what I would like to receive in the comments.
Here’s what I want (just leave them in the comments):
- Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for. Or updates on last time!
What I would rather not have:
- Reality theories.
- Shoulds. As in, “You should be doing it like this” or “That’s not the right way to ask for things — instead it should be like x, y and z”
- To be judged or psychoanalyzed.
- Advices.
My commitment.
I am committing to getting better at asking for things even when asking feels weird.
Thanks for doing this with me!