What's in the gallery?

We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.

We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**

* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.

** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.

What's in the gallery?

We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.

We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**

* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.

** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.

Blogging therapy: But I’ll never be popular!

Hard to believe but we’re already at number ten in our weekly series about taking the scary out of blogging.

But not really just blogging. Blogging is a Useful Example. The “deconstructing the elements that compose your fear so you can rewrite your patterns” part is relevant for whatever else you’re working on, too.

If you feel like catching up (zero obligation, of course), here’s the rest of the series:
Part 1. What if people are mean to me?
Part 2. What if I throw a party and no one shows up?
Part 3. Why even bother when there are already other people doing it better?
Part 4. What do I saaaaaaaaaaaaaaay?
Part 5. Help! Perfectionism! Gaaaaak!
Part 6. But I’m not an EXPERT!
Part 7. Don’t make me be vulnerable!
Part 8. I just don’t have the time!
Part 9. What if someone READS what I wrote?

But it’s not like I’ll ever be popular anyway!

(So why even bother, right?)

Oh, this is a big one. Maybe even one of the biggest.

I haven’t heard this much about “popularity” since high school, but yeah, apparently a lot of people out there blogging it up (or thinking about maybe getting around to it) still want to be popular.

This is usually where I empathize with you and hand out hugs and we all work on allowing our pain to be here, but I’m skipping that part today.

Three points. Two being the ones that I want to make, and one being the one that you’ll actually use (skip to point three if you have no patience for my hippie crap).

Point 1: It’s the internet, people.

The internet is a big, big place. There is always room, room, and more room.

Yes, the thought that you will never be as popular as Dooce might seem to you to be a perfectly good reason to throw in the towel, and yet I can promise you that there are people all over the internet who have never even heard of her.

And they wouldn’t understand what the big deal was if they had.

Or … even though I happen to know that there are plenty of bright, creative talented people bemoaning the fact that they aren’t as popular as me and my duck (and I know this because some of them write to me to tell me so), so what?

Do you know how many people have no idea whatsoever who I am? Tons of them. They’re everywhere!

Find some of those people and be popular with them!

Seriously, though. It’s not about popularity for its own sake. It’s about you and your right people and the space you build around what you do.

That space is yours. It’s where you get to feel at home. That’s what’s important — both personally, and even (if this applies) for your business.

The truth is, in a certain sense “popularity” is meaningless on the internet. There are thousands and thousands of tiny little pockets and communities. Or Tribes, if you’re a Godin-ite.

This is one of them. Find yours. And if you can’t find it, build it.

Point 2: This is the whole external legitimacy thing again.

We’ve talked about releasing the need for outside legitimacy so many times that I kind of hesitate to bring it up again. But it’s important.

Because if you don’t start actively, consciously paying attention to these patterns, you could spend your whole life waiting for everyone else’s approval and feeling like crap when you don’t get it.

And that would be the saddest thing ever.

You are the one who gets to decide whether something has value or not.

If people love it, yay. If they don’t, oh well. Not your right people.

But — ideally, yes? — neither of those should be the thing that determines whether we get to have a good day or not.

Obviously this is a concept that flies much more easily in theory than in any kind of reality. Because ow, it hurts. And because yes, I want people to like me too. Normal.

So I don’t want you to think that I’m finger-wagging or anything. Of course we get hurt feelings. Of course we want everyone to love us and cheer us on and never be mean — ever.

It’s just that ultimately we can’t determine how other people are going to react to what we say and do. All we can do is bring our attention back to our own patterns. And keep working on releasing the need for outside legitimacy.

So the next time you catch yourself getting caught up in the “who’s more popular than me” game, you can take a breath and notice that hey, you’re doing it again.

Point 3: Okay, fine. I’ll tell you how to be popular.

If you want popularity, go get it.

It’s work, yes, but it’s not as hard as some people would have you believe. There’s a formula. A model. You can follow it.

You know how Black Hockey Jesus went from being nobody to what he is now? How he was getting 1500 page views a day within about two months? I shall tell you.

a. He hung out on every single mommy/daddy blog that people go to and commented up a storm. Smart, snarky, mysterious comments.
b. He emailed all those people and said he thought they were cool, flattered them and asked them questions.
c. He reached out.
d. Jenny the incomparable Bloggess mentioned him on her gig at the Houston Chronicle and that was it.

Yes, people kept reading because he’s bitingly funny, wonderfully bitter and has a keen sense of timing. Because he allows himself to be his own goofy, wacky self. And because he is not constrained by little things like physics or the space-time continuum or the way other people do things.

But that’s not how he got known. He didn’t sit under a rock twiddling his thumbs (which is more difficult than it sounds so don’t try this at home, kids) waiting nervously for people to show up. He drummed up an audience.

Some of them went running away in shock and horror. Some drew unattractive conclusions about him based on his screwy pen name and somewhat oddly-titled blog.

The ones who stayed got rewarded by awesomeness.

I’ve read every single thing he’s posted. Me and the other couple thousand people who hang out there each day. He’s deserving of his popularity, for sure. But it didn’t just show up.

He’s worked his little hockey jesus butt off to get there.

Anyone can follow that model. Anyone with a tiny percentage of the talent, wit and charm that you have.*

*And don’t tell me you don’t have it. Because it doesn’t matter anyway.

My advice:

Recognize your patterns when they come up. Figure out what needs you’re trying to fill with this whole popularity thing.

I can’t remember who said this, some yogified person who isn’t showing up on Google, but the wisdom holds, whoever said it:

“Seek not what you yearn. Seek the source of your yearning instead.”

In other words, if you’re wanting to be popular (whatever that means for you) and you’re feeling resentment around not being there yet, there’s a need in there. It might be about love. Or about wanting acknowledgment. Or about safety.

So give yourself those things. Find ways to fill the deeper need first instead of doing what the rest of us do and obsessing over subscribers or ways to improve your stats.

Then start looking for your people. Start creating your space. Turn on your light so we can find it, and begin to make a comfortable spot for your own crowd to congregate.

And then go out and take active steps to connect with your right people.

Black Hockey Jesus may be a nut and a kook and one of my favorite people, but his popularity isn’t an aberration. It doesn’t need to be.

There’s no reason people shouldn’t be flocking to you too. As long as you want us there and we’re invited.

That’s all for now.

More blogging therapy next week. We’ll deal with whatever got triggered today then, I promise.

And of course Selma the duck and I will be here tomorrow writing about something that doesn’t have anything to do with blogging. Or therapy.

Also: here’s a “don’t worry, the blogging therapy series isn’t ending yet, I’m just thinking ahead” request:

If you’re one of the many people who have either started a blog, revived a blog or restructured your blog because of this series, send me an email and let me know if I can feature your stuff (i.e. throw some love your way) when we close this thing.

Ask Havi #14: the “twisted fantasy” edition

Ask Havi
The Blogging Therapy posts have given birth to all kinds of commotion in my inbox.

And since I compulsively have to share things with you, today’s awesome and anonymous Ask Havi question is pulled — with the asker’s permission, of course — out of that file.

If you haven’t been keeping up with the Blogging Therapy posts, no worries. Jump right on in. We were talking last time about anonymity and the fear of being known or discovered.

More on this whole fear of being known thing.

Also known as fear of love.

Thank you so much for these posts. You keep saying stuff in a particular way that NO ONE ELSE does — you definitely speak my language. I have serious lightbulbs flashing almost every time I read something you write.

Some of my recent favorites have been your Blogging Therapy posts which shoot straight to my heart because I’ve been thinking about starting a blog.

Actually, I have started a blog, only it’s password-protected and just my super-secret hidden thing right now.

Anyway, my question is basically the opposite of “Why aren’t my friends reading my blog?”

And that is OH GOD WHAT DO I DO IF SOMEONE I KNOW IN REAL LIFE READS IT?

(I know I could go anonymous but I think that would just lead to paranoia surrounding keeping it secret…)

Pouring out stuff to random strangers on the internet doesn’t seem weird to me at all. But if I run into someone I know at my neighborhood coffeeshop, and they mention my blog, and then I know that they know all this STUFF about me? My cheeks are red just thinking about it. 

Oh! And the worst part. My boyfriend’s ex, who maybe doesn’t have super-positive feelings about me, I know occasionally searches for me online. In my dark fantasy world, I put this blog out there, maybe get a little vulnerable and real, talk about my truth, and my audience consists of absolutely NO ONE but my boyfriend’s ex.

That is seriously the voice I hear whenever I’m writing anything and consider putting it out there. Crazy huh?

Oh, not crazy at all. This sounds pretty normal to me!

It actually reminds me of my biggest fear when I first launched my site — that people from my old super-cool hipster bartender life would end up reading it and mocking me mercilessly for having become a cheesy embarrassing yoga person.

And I’m sure that’s totally happened.

Things to keep in mind.

You don’t have to write about everything.

Good grief. I have all sorts of things that are off-limits.

You may have noticed that I don’t mention my family much. Exactly.

There are all sorts of things that I may write about someday, but if it happens, it will be a. after I’ve done a lot more healing and b. many, many years after a lot of people are gone. And even then I don’t know if that’s really stuff I want to share.

The act of writing is — in and of itself — healing.

That means that you can write stuff you don’t publish.

And you can write stuff that — through the act of being published and going out to the world — resolves some of your stuckification around those memories.

I’ve experienced that here so many times. I’ve written about something hard and painful and people have shown up with so much love and support that it’s completely overwhelming.

You start to realize, ohmygosh, I’m surrounded by people who are also in this process of working on their stuff. My insights are relevant to them. My pain is their pain.

It stops being so scary, because you realize that your own process has value. That your collection of scars is a sign of strength, not a sign of weakness.

This is about the fear of being known.

And the fear of being known is about love. About not being able to be loved. About not feeling worthy of being loved. Or suspecting that you’re not worthy of being loved.

A very, very human thing.

The fear says that if people know what we’re really like, they couldn’t possibly love us for who we are. Or at all, for that matter.

And so we find ways to close ourselves off from people who would love us. And from ourselves. And from moments of intimacy and connection.

So part of working on this pattern is allowing yourself to feel safe not wanting to be loved. It’s okay. Eventually you’ll get to the point where you do feel safe being loved and adored.

Right now though, it’s absolutely fine to notice that you’re not at a point where you’re ready to receive. You’re at a point where all you can do is notice where you’re at and be patient with that.

Even though we’re not ready to be known (yet), we’re practicing.

We’re practicing letting ourselves be human. We’re practicing noticing our pain and giving that pain some attention. We’re practicing noticing what we need and asking for it. That’s where we are.

Dark, creepy fantasies about people hating you? Completely normal.

You’re not alone.

Not in the tiniest bit.

In fact, let’s all share some of our horrible, sick, twisted shameful fear-driven blogging fantasies.

I’ll go first. And then I challenge you to come up with something at least as embarrassing!

Here we go.

Scenario 1. In which I get exposed as a horrible person …
My ex-husband (or someone in his family or his new wife) finds this blog and is appalled and horrified that someone as psychotic as me would dare to give anyone advice on anything, ever.

Then of course they out me as the awful person they know me to be.

They jump right in to the comments and point out that I was a terrible wife, by any standard. That I was drunk a lot of the time, emotionally unavailable all the time, refused to even consider quitting smoking and was generally … shall we say erratic in my behavior, at best.

They then add that you are all complete morons to be deceived by someone like me, and that even though I look really sweet and have a duck on my shoulder, it’s all an act.

Scenario 2. In which I get bawled out and don’t even understand why …
My parents, who hardly ever read this, randomly stop by today and throw a fit, as is their wont, about some tiny, obscure aspect that I never would have even thought of as being problematic or controversial.

Honestly, now that I think about it … I cannot believe that this hasn’t already happened at least a hundred times.

Scenario 3. In which I and everything about me are lame and embarrassing…
Obviously the current girlfriend of my ex (not my ex-husband, I mean the one who broke my heart) is way too cool to ever read this blog or even care, but somehow she hears about it.

And what cracks her up completely is that my ex ever could have been in love with someone as thoroughly square and hopelessly embarrassing as me. And then he tries to explain that I used to be hot and witty and mean but I lost my charm.

How the whole city of Tel Aviv was insanely in love with me, and I rolled filterless cigarettes and got in fights with people and could drink everyone but the Russians under the table. And even some of the Russians.

Then I got hooked on yoga and then became a businesswoman and isn’t it tragic that I suck so much?

And then they share a sweet, existential moment and feel completely sorry for me.

And of course they’re in Paris or Amsterdam or something, leading the kind of cosmopolitan, bohemian intellectual life that I used to live before I became the kind of person who goes to bed at 9pm and keeps a toy duck for company.

I could go on.

Oh, how I could go on. But I won’t. It’s your turn.

I know you’re thinking, this isn’t funny at all. What if these things actually happen?

Well, they might. It’s not all that likely but it could come to pass that one of the made-up things we dread could actually happen.

And if it does, you’ll deal with it. Your readers (because by then you’ll totally have readers) will stand by you. Not just by you but up for you.

You’ll find strength in the people that you are helping, in the ways your words have made a difference. And you’ll remember that anyone who doesn’t get that has bigger issues than just not liking your blog.

You’ll remember that this process of learning to practice vulnerability while still keeping yourself safe is a pretty big deal. That the practice is the thing that sustains you.

It’s the thing that brings you closer to yourself.

And the nice thing about being close to yourself is that it makes it a lot easier to release the need for outside legitimacy (aka to not give a flying fig what anyone else thinks about you).

Easier said than done, yes. But that’s why we’re here.

Friday Check-in #18: the “on the road” edition

Friday chickenBecause it’s Friday AGAIN. And because traditions are important. In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of self-reflection.

And you get to join in if you feel like it.

Oh boy oh boy oh boy.

Busiest Friday ever.

Actually, I’m about to get on a plane. But enough about today. Let’s review the week. Yallah.

The hard stuff

Buying music.

I was buying music this week … some of it for me, some as presents for people I love … and whenever I find something I like, I want to share it with my friend who killed himself.

Because — of course — despite the fact that I spend so much of my time missing him, talking to him, yelling at him and crying over him, I still manage to forget.

Every single time I somehow forget that he’s gone until the very moment I think about how much he’ll like hearing some new song I’ve just discovered.

And each time I remember, it seems equally sad. Equally unfair. Equally incomprehensible.

Some of what I can’t share with him? Calvin Marty. Ian Lawler. John Vester and his song Lucky You which I can’t stop playing.

Family issues.

I don’t really want to go into it, but let’s just say there’s a family crisis happening back in Israel right now and I feel crummy about not being there. And of course at the same time I don’t want to be there.

Actually I should at least make some calls, but the whole thing is just getting me down.

Hardest part of the week: still ahead of me.

We’re taking a trip to visit my gentleman friend’s parents and sisters. It’s easier than visiting my family, yes, but it’s still high stress.

They’re lovely people. Who live in a very, very small town. And pretty much everything I would ever speak about is off-limits, conversationally speaking.

Also I suck at pretending that things that mess with my routine are okay with me.

Selma is coming along as a stowaway. I am going to do my best.

The good stuff

Oh this is so great.

Every time I get an email that makes me go “Whoah, best testimonial ever!”, the next one is even better.

This one — from the charming Nathan Briggs over in Scotland — made me laugh more than most. He kindly agreed to let me share it with you.

Just a quick (ha – yeah right!) not to express the following sentiment:-

HOLY SHIT THIS HIPPY CRAP WORKS

I haven’t even go through your Procrastination Dissolve-o-Matic course fully once yet (and I’ve already got a load of ideas for stuff I want to cuddle up and get all fluffy with), but in the last month alone I’ve:

  • made several phonecalls, including many I’ve been putting off for months
  • done a few little coding jobs, and one pretty big one (yay, monies!)
  • got a great rep at a private marketing forum by doing little coding jobs for members, and coding a great tool for their free use
  • got approached by someone I admire very much to joint venture on programming and selling a tool – with me getting to keep most of the monies (he just wants the tool to use on his own sites)
  • got approached by another person I admire loads to do a number of jobs & joint ventures, and he’s offered support on selling anything else I come up with in the future
  • did I mention I’m getting married on Saturday? 😀
  • I’m rather happy. And panicky, but – here’s the huge thing – COPING WITH IT and not being pissed at myself. Wow!

    *bounce bounce bounce*

Exactly. Coping with it. Not being pissed at myself. Getting stuff done. Happy sigh.

Everyone cheer for Nathan. He deserves it.

Naomi calling me. On me being a jerk.

So I have this weird disease that causes me to be terrible at goodbyes. Even symbolic non-goodbyes like your favorite person moving to England next week.

So in my head I know that Naomi and I can keep doing our talk/complain/commiserate/cheer-up thing that we do a few times a week. Even if she is in England.

I mean, it’s just a time difference.

But my weird disease says that this is a parting and as such I should do the awful thing I do which is to disappear and ignore the person I love until they feel hurt and hate me.

Naomi doesn’t put up with that kind of crap, thankfully. Also she might be my cyber-stalker. Because she just keeps calling every single number that might reach me until I pick up.

Anyway, she assured me that she will still be stalking me and insulting my duck from afar and that my mental health as well as hers needs us to be talking several times a week. End of flare-up. Disease is either gone or in remission.

I love Naomi.

Space.

Jen did her awesome Office Spa Day thing where she reminds you that if you stop feeling guilty about the piles and go make sweet sweet love to your workspace, everything about your life will be better.

I’m addicted, so I show up every month. And beat people off with sticks so they can’t take my spot.

Anyway, fun! And I did away with a certain pile who shall not be named. Life is good.

Even better: as I was soaking up all that delicious spaciousness and love, Jen called and asked if I’d be a guest destuckification expert on a special holiday version of Office Spa Day.

Would I ever!!!

Right. So it’s five hours to practice making peace with your office space and getting stuff under control. I’ll teach an emergency calming technique or something wacky and destuckifying. And Jen will do her magic.

And we’ll all clear out some space and feel safe and supported and loved so we can get better at doing the stuff we’re really supposed to be doing in the world.

I tried to talk Jen into charging about five times as much but not only would she not listen to me, she’s throwing in her Wish Kit as a present too. Sigh. You can’t have my spot (I have a stick!) but there are a few more.

It’s December 13. I’ll see you there, right?

That’s it for me ….

And yes yes yes, of course you can join in my Friday ritual right here in the comments bit if you feel like it.

Yeah? Anything hard and/or good happen in your week?

And, as always, have a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious weekend. And a happy week to come.

Giving.

I’m feeling kind of conflicted.

To begin with, I’m not a fan of “stuff”. As you probably know. Objects, clutter, junk, things, possessions. Whatever you want to call them. It’s not my deal.

Partly because of the “I’m a nomad who’s moved countries three times” thing. Partly because of my yoga-centric obsession with simplicity and simple living. And maybe mostly because of the environmental thing.

Yes, I’m a big hippie. And yes, if it were up to me … well, never mind. I don’t want to get into a discussion of my dictatorial tendencies.

Let’s just say that a. the “holiday season” here in North America brings up all sorts of junk for me, and b. if you haven’t read World Without Us, read it now.

At the same time giving feels good, of course, and giving can also be a huge part of a spiritual or self-work practice. We like the giving. Lots.

But I’m going to consciously rein in my philosophizing tendencies and just try and come up with some useful thoughts in response to some of the questions I’ve been getting about gift-related holiday stress.

Actually, skip that. I’m just going to give you the abbreviated Philosophy of Giving that Selma the Duck and I live by, at least when we remember to.

Also, one or two or three semi-quirky personal recommendations. Just because.

Selma and Havi’s Gift-Giving Philosophy.

Understand this principle:

You can’t get out of it, but you can get around it.

Basically, you’re probably going to have to give people stuff even if you personally happen to think this whole exchange-of-stuff tradition is a terrible idea.

And since the holiday giving tradition is hard to get out of — and it’s actually really fun when people are all excited to get stuff from you — the trick is to find things that are good to give.

The things that I can feel happy about giving (or at least okay about) pretty much fall into three categories.

1. Gifts of knowledge.

Books, ebooks, audio products, anything that has Useful Information.

Stuff like World Without Us. Is it depressing? Yeah, a little. But it’s also uplifting. And it makes people think about the world we live in.

Also, Alan Weisman is a very kind person, and actually wrote me a sweet email in response to my gushing fan letter. It was the kind of fan letter that should really have elicited a good, old-fashioned restraining order, but he took it very well.

Other recommendations?

And really, for Useful Information, it’s sometimes most satisfying just to browse your local (independent!) bookstore and pick the brains of the tome-lovin’ people who work there.

2. Gifts of inspiration.

Beautiful things that people can enjoy and reflect on. It’s a great way to support artists and musicians too.

In my mind, the real gift is going to the creative person I’m supporting, and the “getting to give it to someone I like” part is totally for my own pleasure.

If it’s art with some practical function — such as “you can drink from it” or “you can wrap yourself up in it”, so much the better.

Music is one of the best and most inspiring gifts possible — and in that regard, I like mp3s instead of CDs. You know, the whole packaging thing.

Recommendations?

  • I really like Miya’s beautiful ceramic stuff — both wacky and very affordable. Plus, she actually works in a real, live cheese shop (which, by the way, is Jennifer Louden’s sick, twisted fantasy). Also, I love her.
  • If you know anyone who makes stuff from yarn (uh, I think that’s called knitting?), the most gorgeous stuff ever is at the Blonde Chicken Boutique.

    You probably know Tara from the comments. She’s one of our very own Fluent Self-ified fans and she rocks. I know you’re thinking yarn?! It’s not like that.

  • Not a jewelry person at all, but I did buy a very pretty plate from Stacey, another Twitter connection.
  • I also just ordered music on CDbaby.com (oh, how I love them). Calvin Marty and the Sunken Ship. Also some heal-the-world lullabies from Eliana Gilad.

3. Gifts of meaning.

I guess this is already a theme of this post, but seriously, what about supporting your small, scrappy local businesses or giving something that’s good for the world?

Greenish gifts. Stuff you make. Stuff you can eat.

You can’t really go wrong with edible — and it’s a great way to opt out of the “here’s some more stuff for you to put on a shelf and have to dust” kind of thing, but still show you care. Nourishment! Symbolism! Happy memories!

Also, who doesn’t like food? Yum. Food.

Recommendations?

Find something in your own neighborhood. If yours is inhospitable to small and localness (and there are so so many that are), then how about:

  • Alima, of course. Alima is the name of an amazingly great (read: integrity like crazy) Portland company that makes natural cosmetics.

    I’m assuming you don’t want to get caught in the middle of one of my rants about the toxic cosmetic industry. Let’s just say that if you’re going to put stuff on your face, get the kind that isn’t evil. Aside from not being evil, Alima’s stuff is beautiful and very affordable. I love this company.

  • Sock Dreams. This is where I get all my socks. Portland business. Woman-owned. If you are a stripey sock addict (i.e. a girl), this is the best place ever.
  • If you know people with babies who (the people, not the babies) are earth-friendly types (or aren’t easily offended), you can get sweet and adorable cloth diapers from the lovely Renee at Sweet Cheeks Diapers in Vancouver, BC.

    They’re paying for shipping during the holidays too.

Ooh, another thing (three things?) I forgot to mention:

Jennie will kill me if I talk about gifts and then — oy vavoy — neglect to mention No Limit Texas Dreidel. So I’m mentioning it.

Jennie is on a mission to make Hannukah less lame, and she’s doing a fine job. No Limit Texas Dreidel, people.

The other thing I should mention is that Modern Tribe, her gorgeous and surprisingly hip Judaica shop, is also doing holiday sales.

Amazing stuff there. Jennie helps a ton of small-studio artists put their stuff out into the world. And FYI, she gave me a discount code. It’s HAVIBFF and gets you 15% off whatever you order through December 31. Rock on, say I.

The last thing I’m mentioning is just that I really, really am not into receiving presents for Hannukah.

I’m not kidding. Please don’t get me anything for Hannukah, okay?

In fact, my recommendation would be that if you want to get jew-ey presents for any of your jewish and jew-positive friends, get stuff now while it’s on sale, but then stick it in the closet for a few months.

I know it’s totally sweet that you think of us while you’re having a holiday and want to include us in the celebrating — thank you! — but it’s totally one of our least significant holidays. Right up there (or down there, I guess) with the birthday of the trees.

If you’re not wishing me a happy new year on Rosh HaShana and commiserating with me while I’m scrubbing the house top to bottom for Pesach, and praising my blintzes on Shavuot … there’s really no reason to randomly get me something for Hannukah.

Though you’re a schweetheart for thinking of me. Still, I’d much rather that you just hang out with me here while I rant about stuff. Ohmygod, you’re doing it right now. I adore you.

That’s it. Nothing more to see here.

Thanks for letting me share my gift-giving philosophy.

Now you’ll be slightly less offended when Selma and I show up at your next birthday with home-baked bread, the link to an ebook and our dog-eared copy of World Without Us.

This just in: I just read Naomi’s post about what she’s doing to help this abused woman get out of an awful, awful situation.

It’s one of her clients. And I would do the same for one of mine. So scrap everything and go spend your money there. Or do something for her in addition to whatever else you’re doing. But come help.

Item! I have nothing to say about rhubarb!

Fluent Self Item!A somewhat goofy mini-collection of stuff I’ve been reading, stuff I’ve been thinking about and oh, some completely random crap.

Basically the stuff that never gets mentioned here because I’m not the kind of person who can just make some teeny little point. Not into the whole brevity thing, as the Dude would say.

Actually, I’m under the strict compulsion to write ten pages about anything on my mind. So this is me. Practicing brevity.

Hmmm … third time in a row.

I’m starting to feel like I’m making a Wednesday commitment to the goofy. But it’s good. I mean, we kinda need something to balance out all the heavy.

As one woman wrote in response to Monday’s post about writing, trauma and healing,

I’ve now cried at my desk three times in the last week. So next week you have to write about rhubarb. Or the Ice Capades. Or duck-shaped night lights. 😉

I have nothing to say about rhubarb. Yet. But hey, a bunch of random stuff!

Item! This blog is endlessly fascinating.

It’s called Eat Repeat and I’ll just give you the description.

Agoraphobic newly married cooks incessantly for husband but eats the same five things for every meal. Except when she eats out. Then she eats everything. Wonder why.

I happen to know the author, but you really don’t need any backstory because it’s all about the pictures. And taking comfort in someone else documenting their personal process of … whatever it is, you know?

Love that she’s doing this. Can’t stop reading it.

Item! This is a great list.

Every once in a while it’s nice to read a list. This one is a good one.

Courtesy of one of my favorite Twitterites @d_paul

Item! This made me so happy!

Remember how I said that my friends don’t read my blog? Well, my third-grade best friend does now because she found it on Facebook.

I was so overjoyed that I gave her all my products.

(Please note the huge, huge perks that come with being the person who once got sent home from school for beating up a snotty kid named Jason because he called me a crybaby.)

And … you know what she wrote back?

I’ve now used the Emergency Calming audio several times. Just tried it at work for the first time. I was getting really stressed about [ … ] , and it was SO NICE to be able to just close my door and spend 10 minutes calming down. I’ve never had anything really work for me before like that.

Seriously, how amazing is that? I know!

Item! We all need more sleep!

No, really. You need it. You need to sleep more. Read it.

Item! Graffito!

I love saying graffito. Seriously. Also, take a look at this sweet timelapse video of GIANT Berlin graffito. And not just because it takes place on the side of a building in my favorite city ever.

Item! I’m not alone!

Sometimes I need to make fun of things. Especially corporate-ey bullshit things.

Pre-Twitter I used to do this in my head. No longer.

Anyway, that was where I made the following request, based on a random and disturbing bio I’d found:

Someone translate this into English? “Building out platform companies by creating and implementing process-driven hyperbolic growth.”

My own suggestion was “Let’s think out of the box and play a bigger game while leveraging our ability to productize our resources and choke on our own inanity.”

But I have to share some of the responses I got because they were so, so great:

      techherding Cost effectively collaborating with trusted colleagues to grow revenue, increase innovation, and enhance productivity
      jmoriarty What the heck are you saying over there? Go wash your mouth out with soap this instant!

      d_paul Transl: Corp. minded morons sound smart using big buzz words & metaphor:move ball forward thru connectivity building synergy,blah,blah

      jmoriarty “Dear Playboy Letters, when Kate invited me over to talk about platform driven process lifecycles, I had no idea what she rmeant…”

      i_ching Translation you requested: “Paying higher consultancy fees.”
      HiroBoga Is that a yellow hyperbolic growth I see sitting on your left shoulder?

A yellow hyperbolic growth. I love my Twitter-friends.

Item! I am obsessed.

You already listen to Sparkletack, right?

It’s the best and most addictive podcast ever. And I’m not just saying that because of my hardcore fascination with history, my weird relationship with San Francisco, or the fact that I’m madly in love with the voice of the guy the guy who researches, writes and produces it.

You have to listen to this week’s terrific episode. Reading the post doesn’t suck you into history in the same way.

If you appreciate a good story, properly told — and really, who doesn’t — it might even be the best eight and a half minutes of your day.

That’s it.

No more goofy for a week! Actually, there may be some on Friday. It’s too soon to tell.

I’m not making any promises, though …