What’s been working? What do I want to play with….

Fierce Determination — as salve, as quality, as battlecry.

And: one day at a time.

Breathing for the hard, challenging and mysterious.

• The people of the united states revealed true colors this week, not the most attractive ones, and now we all live with the consequences, in the best case for the next four years, and I refuse to consider other cases. Though, hey, we all refused to consider this, and now here we are. Breathing for any form of hopefulness, may it reveal itself.
• As @KenTremendous said: “America, in its collective wisdom, has elected a vain, violent, ignorant, sexist bully as our President. Not everyone who voted for Trump is a racist, or a misogynist. But they did vote *for* a racist and a misogynist.” Yes. That happened, right here, and it was (is) exhausting, depressing, awful. Breathing.
• Noticing my intense desire, as it goes in times of deep grief, for someone to blame. I mean, yes I know I could just be mad at racist, sexist, unbearably complacent white America, as well as the unexamined sexism of everyone who would have absolutely voted for HRC had she been a man. But instead I’m mad at Bernie bros, and everyone who voted third party, and Snowden for encouraging them to, and Comey for the worst possible timing, and every newspaper that was like oh lalala just trying to show both sides here instead of denouncing fascism and bigotry at every opportunity. Stirring stew here, and ready to stop. Ready to riot. Breathing for reclaiming power.
• Shaun King has been collecting reports of violence against minorities in the first days after the election, and it is absolutely horrifying, and oh, dark days are here sooner than expected, and we have a lot of work to do, you guys. Breathing fierce power for our work.
• Me: Man, today is seriously not fun. Agent Spalding: I’ve lost the ability to think clearly about reality. Me: Ditto. I just feel hungover and dizzy. Breathing for regaining the ability to think clearly, may it return soon.
• I am in a town of four thousand white people who are all in a suspiciously good mood, and I want to scream. Pickup trucks flying the American flag. People who are in no danger of being deported or worse saying things like “maybe now we can all just get along”. Smug old white dudes talking loudly about how Sonia Sotomayor doesn’t know the Constitution. Right. Fury and rage and sadness and so many feelings. Breathing for healing.
• And in case you were wondering what came of the mouse in motorhome situation, well, it turned into seven mice in the motorhome.
• The things that usually make me feel better (writing in the cafe, walking in the desert at sunset) have not been working at all. A breath.
• I don’t remember what else happened this week. So let’s breathe. Oh right. Clocks changed. It is dark and horrible and I hate it. Breathing for light.
• Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. May peacefulness prevail. Trust-more love-more release-more receive-more. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week.

Breathing for the good, reassuring, and magical!

• Relieved to be out in the wilderness under the stars where it is quiet and beautiful. Breathing appreciation.
• Sleeping in. Breathing thankfulness.
• Writing helps. The cowboy said, “Glad you’re writing to get through the ugly.” Yes, that is a good way of putting it. Breathing for finding our ways through the ugly.
• On the hard day, went to the movie theater because I needed to be somewhere else, and the only thing showing was the Middle School movie, which I kind of assumed would be terrible, but it was wonderful and I loved it and I cried through the whole thing, but I also really needed to cry, and I laughed a lot, out loud, because it was also very funny. Funny and sweet and sad and sweet, and also funny. HIGHLY RECOMMEND. A breath for unexpected sources of comfort, reassurance and grace.
• Dreaming up dreams with the cowboy. A breath for the many things that are possible.
• Thankful for the big outpouring of love and support for this online space. Looks like we can keep the lights on for the next three months, which is at least a start, even though I don’t know what happens after that. Glad for this. Breathing for magic.
• A super scary thing happened and I was so brave and took care of it, and I get a hundred billion trillion sparklepoints for taking care of me. Breathing.
• Agent Sloan said, on that first awful day, “There is only one day that is this day”, and she was right. Each day a little easier, because I am moving from grief into Fierce Determination and Fiery Grace, and we are going to use this awful situation as a catalyst for channelling our most badass superpowers so hard, we are going to act, because that is the only option. Breathing fierceness.
• Focused on what I want. Let’s do this. Breathing expansiveness.
• Thankfulness. Treasure in the form of my imaginary dance crew, learning two new moves on the balance board, training for the olympics (proxy), dessert in the desert. Nothing is wrong, even when I want to believe it is. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. Thank you for this grand adventure. A full breath of deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.

Superpowers.

Last week I asked for surprise perfect solutions that are so beautiful I clap my hands in delight. And I still want this. I also want to own Fierce Determination so fully and powerfully that it glows for miles.

May it be so.

How was your week?

Come play in the comments. Share something from your week, take a breath, or just say hi! No rules, my format doesn’t have to be yours, we’ve been doing this every week for years now and there still isn’t a right way.

Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We lovingly refrain from giving advice.

And of course it’s always okay to comment under a made-up name, whether for play and delight, or in the interest of Safety First.

Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.

It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — jump in whenever you like. Blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers too!

What do we do on dark bleak days?

Does it matter which dark bleak days we are talking about?

No, because the protocol is the same
in all cases of dark bleak days
and so we focus on the protocol.

And, at the same time…
of course we acknowledge all forms of darkness and bleak
because acknowledgment is part of the protocol
as is breathing and noticing: what is here?

Remembering the protocol.

You are invited to follow along with me, and of course
change up the order, in any way that suits you,
with additions and subtractions,
as works best for you,
because People Vary and the only important protocol
is whatever works best for you,
this is only one possible example of a protocol,
my process, today.

Noticing.

What does noticing look like? Like this:

Oh yes wow okay look at all this darkness.

Noticing (i)

Here we are in the dark and bleak days of adjusting to this new political reality,
wherever you are in the world, I assume you are reeling
right along with us, on the day-after-election-day
in the not especially united states of Oh Shit What Just Happened.

The unthinkable happened last night, and, possibly,
more unthinkable is coming, who knows,
but there it is: bleakness, apprehension, a tightening,
here we are, dark days.

If you are at all a highly sensitive person, you also may feel all too intensely
the big surging waves of this volatile energy
the pulsating fear-anger-uncertainty of the collective,
and for sure we are all suffering from the Global Hangover effects right now…

And if you aren’t someone who feels everything
your hangover sensations might be more subtle though possibly also more disorienting,
in part because they can be so much harder to pick up on.

Either way, there is a lot going on
out there in the world
and it has a very real impact on how we experience ourselves,
the resonance of our internal worlds,
it is useful to remember this, even when it is painful,
and this is why we pause and notice.

Noticing (ii)

Hello very dark days that come with the changing of the clocks,
when evening arrives with such suddenness,
earlier than anticipated, impossibly early, and seems to stretch on forever,
what do I notice here?

Mainly how profound the impact is
of external on internal.

Noticing the foggy confusion in mind and body, the resistance,
the way I don’t want to get out of bed,
and how at the same time I long to be outdoors
wanting to soak up as much light as possible.

Noticing perceptions of narrowing, tightness (physical and emotional)
that pre-anxiety anxiety from long ago:
what if the light doesn’t come back…

But we do not stop at noticing.

The purpose of noticing is to serve as a door,
it gives us a place to enter.

I practice noticing for two reasons:

1. It forces me to pause and I get to interrupt the habit-patterns of the mind through pausing.
2. I can use this interruption to buy enough time to remember the next step: apply Compassion to everything I notice.

[An important point of clarity here!]

Compassion is not a negation of justified fury,
of course we are still allowed to feel furious as well as deeply sad and troubled.

Compassion includes making space for the fury-sadness to be what it is,
not about tamping down emotion.

What else do we know about Compassion?

Compassion is a surprisingly powerful ingredient,
it should always be directed internally before externally
(put on your own oxygen mask first),
and there are infinite ways to apply it…

What does it mean to add compassion to the noticing? How do we do this?

We do this through acknowledgment and legitimacy:
Everything I am feeling makes sense.
Darkness (physical and existential, felt and symbolic)
does have very real effects on body and mind and body-mind.

All this emotional turmoil and chaos is valid and understandable,
these feelings that I am feeling, all of them, are legitimate things to feel,
they might not be fun, and I can remember that they are not all-powerful.

These feelings do not constitute the wholeness of who I am,
they are a (temporary) experience, and through the act of intentionally acknowledging them,
giving legitimacy to this not-fun moment,
I am agreeing to let these feelings (temporarily) exist — if I can, as I can.

And I am doing this intentionally, as a way of being present with life and aliveness, to the best of my ability.

And we get a hundred billion trillion sparklepoints for doing this.

A hundred billion trillion sparklepoints for being human beings who feel feelings!

Or, if we find ourselves in a state of numbness and absence-of-feeling,
then we get a hundred billion trillion sparklepoints for noticing that,
we acknowledge the good intentions behind those old defense-mechanisms
(yep, there they go, triggering pre-emptive shut-down in times of pain).

Either way, we’re doing the best we can in a difficult moment, and acknowledging this is important.

Pathways.

I am not a helpless compilation of my thoughts and feelings
I am something much bigger than that,
I am the sanctuary which houses my thoughts and feelings
and I am the interior designer of my interior spaces
with the ability to observe my thoughts and feelings, to interact with them,
making space for them to exist,
and making pathways for them to move through me.

Permission, acknowledgment, legitimacy:

Here we are in this hard and painful moment,
it is genuinely crappy and not fun,
we are allowed to be where we are,
we are allowed to not like it one bit.

We name our feelings (hello, rage and pain and apprehension and regret and fear).
We make room for them to exist.
We add compassion and we keep adding compassion.

What comes from compassion?

Compassion allows for spaciousness.
It lets us come closer to ourselves through separating out
from what is not ours.

Examples of making space through compassion:

Oh hey I am experiencing this intense hangover sensation
and I want to blame the glass of wine I had last night
and poor sleep and panicking over election results…

Oh hey I am experiencing panicky fear and
overwhelming numb depression…

But how much of this is global hangover and other people’s stuff,
and how much truly belongs to me?

Ah, okay, five percent is my own emotional chaos-state, and the rest
belongs to the collective,
so I can return it
or let it channel straight into the earth
to be broken down and return to its purest components
it’s just energy

and I am not required to hold the hangover energy of the world
I am not required to take on the sadness of the world,
which does not serve the world and does not serve me.

How else do we add compassion?

What would my body truly find most comforting and reassuring, in this moment,
what is the most nourishing, loving way I can take care of myself in this moment?

How can I best take care of my homes —
my body, my mental and emotional well-being, my physical surroundings,
the kingdom of my internal worlds?

How can I best apply love?

Permission, spaciousness, acceptance, love, self-treasuring. Extreme self-care.
What do I find calming and restful, and can I bring so much intention and kindness to whatever it is.

The poison is also the antidote.

The reason I feel miserable and hopeless in the dark, bleak days is because of how
external factors of [dark and bleak] have altered
both my internal space and how I perceive myself in my space.

When this happens, I am reminded of past [dark and bleak] times,
and current experience of [dark and bleak] is amplified by Then.

At the same time, my body, which knows only right-now,
lives by the lizard-brain / infant-brain logic of
[what I feel right now is probably what I will feel forever]
[how things are in this moment now is how they will be forever]

But once I recognize and remember this relationship between internal and external,
I can apply all the wisdom of Very Interior Design.

Very Interior Design.

I can alter my internal environment through changing something in my external, or vice versa.

And I can use anything at my disposal
and on any level (physical, energy, emotional, mental, spiritual)
to make adjustments to both internal and external,
as well as how I am inside of them,
how I play inside of them and how I perceive myself inside of them.

Power and play.

Today I am interacting with dark-and-bleak through
+ Noticing (also known as Awareness)
+ Legitimacy
+ Compassion
+ Presence
+ Comfort

But also through anything and everything I can muster to
bring new light and perspective to any aspect of my internal and external space.

For example, things like Widdershins and
Change Your Place Change Your Luck,
appreciating flowers,
applying color / adding mantra / skipping stones,
wrapping myself in a cloak of stars,
using words to rename and recharge,
setting off on proxy missions,
all while making space for me to feel what I am feeling
and release what everyone else is feeling.

Back to noticing.

Okay, so my protocol today looks something like this:

+ I Am Noticing (aka presence)
+ Applying Legitimacy (aka add compassion to the noticing)
+ What does Extreme Self Care look like, for me, in this moment right now?
+ How can I use the relationship between External and Internal Space to glow more light?

Whatever I find helpful or useful, I do more of that.
Whatever isn’t working today, I do less of that.

I keep playing with this.
And I trust that play and presence will show me what is next.
This is a form of rallying.

On dark bleak days, I rally.

Yes, I rally in the sense of finding my way through
but also in the sense of going on retreat, making a safe container for
everything I want to work on.

I try to remember that bleakness is — or can be, if I let it,
a sparking point, a catalyst/crucible for my projects and my passions.

And I remind myself that everything that happens during the container of my rally
is a part of the rallying,
even the crappy parts,
I can use them for good when I am ready,
they are not taking me away from my mission,
they are bringing me back to my mission.

What else can we do on dark bleak days.

On dark deep days I prioritize
deep self-nourishing (and second breakfast) above all else.

I refuse to let the global hangover cloud my own clarity:
this hopelessness is not mine, or at least it is not just mine,
and each of us can politely refuse to carry the anxiety of the entire world,
and tend to our own gardens, our places of power and passion.

I am calling on a brand new force field made of
Glowing My Power and Wild Clarity and Imperviousness, yes,
dressing myself in new garments,
a mantle of determination and intensity, a crown of steadiness and grace.

Towards.

Time to channel big wild intense Clarity with passion and a plan.
I am asking for a new mysterious project to find me,
a new Incoming Me to advise me,
preferably a four year project,
like my own form of olympic training or maybe this is what I meant once upon a time
in my wish about the iditarod…

Committed to showing up more and harder,
with steady powerful passion and presence,
integrity and focus,
keeping my own light on, attuned to my wild glow,
taking care of myself to the best of my ability,
keeping my eyes on TOWARDS.

A clue.

Yesterday I received a beautiful clue about
how working towards what I do want and working against what I do not want
is not the same energy.

Is this true? Maybe. I believe there is a time and a place for all of it,
but right now I want to be in A Big Clarity of Towards.

And to do this, I am applying all the protocols of self-fluency.
We take care of ourselves, we explore and investigate (with curiosity and love) the
important questions of life in the best detective agency that has ever been.

Investigations of Curiosity and Love.

For example:

• How can we best take care of ourselves in dark, bleak days?
• How can we access our own ner tamid, light eternal, and other forms of
  beautiful new power sources?
• What do I need right now, in this moment, and how do I give it to myself?
• What needs to be eliminated and what needs to be illuminated?

Asking, listening, taking exquisite care of ourselves, moving towards.

Writing.

I am writing a post today, an exhibit for the gallery, instead of doing any of [the other things]
because the only way I can feel better on this dark bleak day is if
these concepts that constitute my work, the things I practice every day,
can somehow be a source of light and lightness,
whether in the form of comfort, focus, service or even mystery
(maybe the words collected here challenge people and that is okay too)
maybe we can all challenge ourselves to
take another pause, a deeper breath,
channel a moment of attentiveness, and love,
directed inward,
glowing out.

Invitation / how we play here…

We practice Safety First, and remember that safe space for creative exploration asks us to let go of care-taking and advice-giving.

We remember that People Vary, my process does not have to be yours, each of us is unique, and this is a good thing, we make room for feeling what we feel and take responsibility for what is ours.

We can share appreciation and !!!! or anything sparked for us while reading.

Here’s how we meet each other and ourselves here: with kindness and appreciation.

♡

Echoing

We are in the month of Echoing, and I feel
tingly excitement and an almost overwhelming vastness of possibility
somewhere between thrill (I want to dance!)
and apprehension (I want to hide!)
an entire colony of butterflies inside me
oh wow this big newness this intensity of feeling

And so here is a grounding stone to skip
something to reverberate…

What do I want to echo?

What do I want to echo?

Clarity. Resonance. Spark. Presence: I am here.

Presence like grounded awe and grace, like a glowing ray of light and this breath now.

And presence like panther presence. Something striking and powerful and vitally alive.

Answers and questions.

What else about echo?

Echo like clap back. Echo as community.

This is related to my wishes about companionship and about legacy. I want people to play with in self-fluency, as equals, I don’t want to be the teacher or the guru or the one in the front of the room.

And I want the fullness of my [body of work] to be documented, to exist in one place, in a clear form. That way people can throw themselves into study and play without needing me at all, they can go as deep as they like, to take as much or as little as they want in a given moment.

What else do I know about this?

Mmmmm. I kind of like how this particular flavor of wish as stated above doesn’t answer my biggest (current) question.

Ha, current questions. That is a lovely double meaning. Questions that are of this moment right now, and questions that have spark, a powerful charge, and questions of funding and currency.

Let’s investigate this BCQ (Biggest Current Question), and invoke all the superpowers of current and flow.

Noticing…

My intention in writing this wish was to reveal some clarity on my biggest question (BCQ!), but it turns out that my wise wish knows how to sidestep that question with elegance and grace….

So here’s to all the superpowers of the Graceful Sidestep, which is itself an important principle in the practice of self-fluency and very interior design.

My BCQ —biggest! current! question! — until very recently at least, was this, or at least I thought it was:

Should I stay or should I go? After nearly twelve years of this business and the past four impossibly hard years, what happens next?

This might be a monster question but it’s still a question: let’s say I devote the next year as planned to Last Experiments in discovering if it is possible to make this business a sustainable enterprise, and it doesn’t work, what then?

Or would it make more sense to go get a job-job for a while in something I happen to be very good at — for example, copywriting, editing, marketing for anyone who is not me — and find out what it’s like to not be on the edge?

If I go into logic-mind…

Alright, the latter is definitely not 120% yes. I know this from experience: when I give up on a true yes and take a long meandering side path that might point me in that direction eventually, I end up just losing sight of my spark.

And once my actual yes is out of sight, I invariably compromise on a medium-yes. Or I get sucked into the day-to- day bullshit of the rigged game and forget to check in with my new true yes of the present moment.

On the other hand, as we were forced to get very clear on last week, it is also not my yes to keep the business afloat at my own expense, which at this point isn’t something I can do anymore even if I wanted to.

But/and: Logic-mind isn’t where the answer to this lives. Logic-mind is just where I grind wheels and get lost in pros-and-cons of on the one hand and on the other hand. This is just fiddling details, and they aren’t even necessarily grounded in true yes.

The actual answers (or, better: the clues) live in truth-mind, that is: turning inward, getting quiet, immersing in body-heart-mind knowing. Truth-mind offers me something else entirely.

What does truth say? What does wise, loving, patient Incoming Me say?

(1) It isn’t about staying or going at all.

It doesn’t matter what you do, Havi Bell, because either way, your yes is to catalogue and preserve your legacy. Your legacy is what you want to echo. It is your bell. It is the work of your life and it is time to let it come into form.

So whether you stay and devote yourself to the well-being of the gallery or you seek external support in the form of [salary], or any other option, this is your beacon. Resonate.

(2) It’s time to allow what you live to be downloaded into form.

When this legacy is in place, you can absolutely stay and play if that is your yes, which it may well be. We still feel sparks there. We still have great love for community and play.

Or maybe you will then wish to pursue a new yes calling to you, but either way, your body of work is asking to be preserved in form, this is your devotion, your desire, your unique contribution to the universal sea of shared wisdom.

Legacy is what lives beyond. Putting your focus here solves all questions of doors of entry versus doors of exit. This is what you wish to echo. So let it echo through you.

(3) You have spent the past two years learning about freedom.

Freedom as spiritual quality and the freedom in letting go of [oh pretty much everything]. Creative freedom and more freedom in your days, the treasure of freedom in relationships. Even freedom in dance, a very specific kind of freedom that comes from form, technique, discipline, intention and big wild presence.

Now the time has come to learn about a new freedom.

You need to not only learn about but prioritize financial freedom — or, really, for right now just some form of financial afloat-ness to get you through the period of Preserving Legacy aka allowing it to come into form.

Because that’s the only way you can document the collection of what you know, not just as blog posts of concepts and ideas here and there, but the body of work.

You can’t do this the way you are living now where your resources of attention go to where you will be staying when and for how long, and living on miracles.

It is time to prioritize stability. You need a better foundation for your work of echoing. Ask for it and expect it.

I sit with this and skip some stone questions…

Me: Okay, interesting. So essentially, we just need something to pay the bills and hold down the fort while I document [Legacy]. That something can be the Friends of Museum option, when we let that into the world. Or a new foundation. Or possibly that something is a new solution I haven’t met yet.

And then this legacy either allows for a new way to have a business, a way for the Gallery to be self-sustaining, or it lets me to find some new way to support myself while still knowing that the library of my work lives on.

That is useful to know. It still doesn’t alleviate my monster-fears of What If It Doesn’t Work. It is a start though.

Wisest me: I honestly don’t think it matters. There isn’t a time limit.

Me: How can you say there isn’t a time limit when we are out of funds? Even with being vulnerable and asking, and this amazing outpouring of love and support, it’s still only enough to make it a few more months. There clearly is a limit but you say there isn’t.

Wisest me: There isn’t.

Me: I don’t get it.

Wisest me: Everything you are going through is legitimate, my bell love, all the apprehension, pain, fear, excitement, passion, all of it. It all makes sense and it is all temporary and it is all just right.

And you are quite correct that yes, on the physical plane of course there are limits, even the most basic one: one day we will cease to exist in this body form. The time will come for the long nap. And, at the same time, that’s not the only plane.

There is also another truth, a truth that says there is time, there is plenty of [everything you need], there are beautiful surprise solutions emerging in every instant, and there is treasure and power and grace in this breath now, yes, in this moment of not knowing.

Wisest-me in a moment of channeling truth.

Receive the treasure of this moment of recognizing something true:

In order for you to do your work in this world, you need resources. This is a vital piece of truth that you’ve been neglecting in your passionate dedication to your work: you need to be supported, it is vital for you to have what you need in order to create, because what is creating if not being a clear channel.

When you recognize this, when you decide that it matters to have your day to day needs met in order to do your best work, this is also part of your legacy. More important than you know even.

Decide that it is important that you get paid, in one form or another. Prioritize that before all else, and focus on this now, because this is about harmony, truth-love, congruence, right relationship, and taking care of yourself. These are the important things of life.

You curate one of the most magical galleries on the planet, and doing this requires that you are able to access your state of creative genius, your wisest knowing. And if the gallery owner is constantly dealing with stuff like keeping the heat on in the winter, she cannot do her big creative magic.

If you are going to model what you teach, if you want to be a beacon of self-fluency, you need to prioritize your own well-being, you need to be done with letting the edge be your normal.

Back and forth.

Me: But that’s not why I want to document my legacy.
Wisest-me: Of course not. That is what will allow you to let your legacy take the form it wants to take.
Me: Okay, but I don’t even know how to do this.
Wisest-me: You don’t have to know yet. That’s not the point of wishing, babe. The point of wishing is to reveal your yes, let it be named with love, while creating the safest possible environment in which to want what you want.
Me: I really want a solution though. I feel impatient.
Wisest-me: I get that. It will be here. For now, commit to the wish and the wishing. This is a wish about Legacy, and making sure you have the resources to document your legacy is part of the beautiful glow-spark of the wish!

What else do I find inside my wish?

Hopefulness.
Receptivity.
Spark.
Excitement.

An overflowing thank you heart for the magnificence of all of it: everything that has come through me so far, all the incredible people who are here to play and celebrate with me. I cannot thank you enough, everyone who has given something to the cause. I have been crying all weekend with amazement about how many people care.

Looking forward to Six Month (Virtual) Rally/Retreat, even if monsters are doubtful about whether this can buy enough time for the mission of Legacy. I am excited about everything I am currently writing, the gallery, positive change.

I want to trust that clarity is enough, and that whatever emerges from this wish will be so beautiful, so right, and, like every other wish I have wished here in all these years of wishing, it will point me with love to the next step.

Anything else about my wish?

It feels almost unbearably vulnerable
(which, hey, that’s how wishes work sometimes)
to share about this at all
I don’t know what else I want to make safety around it
or what I want to do with this wish.

Other than wish it and
release it into the world.

382 weeks.

That is how long I have been writing weekly wishes here.

They have all come true in some form,
because they are true,
because they launch me towards my truth,
and because I do not ask for candyland bullshit,
my ask is always about process and discovery,
learning about my relationship with the essence of what I want,
calling in the qualities that will help me embody it.

One day, maybe as part of the work of legacy,
I will revisit all the past wishes and
see just how much love-joy-magic-power they have glowed into the world.

invitation: come play with me…

you are invited to share this post and to share many !!!!!! about what is here,
or share appreciation or anything sparked for you while reading

deposit wishes, gwishes, superpowers, qualities, ingredients, intel, possibly in code

safe space for creative exploration asks us to let go of care-taking and advice-giving

wishes are never late because whenever you wish is the right time for wishing

we remember that people vary and my wishes don’t have to be yours, each process is unique, and this is a good thing

here’s how we meet each other’s wishes: with great kindness and appreciation and awe, whispering (and sometimes shouting) oh, wow what beautiful wishes

♡

What’s been working? What do I want to play with….

Each day before I start work, I ask a question and direct it at three aspects of myself that I don’t know that well yet. Sometimes it is as simple as “tell me what you think I should know”.

It is very grounding, often surprising, and I find that I am more focused.

Breathing for the hard, challenging and mysterious.

• Mouse in motorhome. Just one guy. Actually it is two mice. They are unbelievably cute and I want them to leave. Breathing for peaceful exits.
• Working way too many hours, too much sitting/concentrating, not enough air and stars. Breathing for this.
• Website was down for just about twenty four hours. Nothing but bad news (and expensive news) while trying to get it back up. Breathing.
• After working ass off on The New Plan for the past few weeks, realizing that we can’t actually make it happen without immediate help to get through crisis. Breathing for clarity and trust-love.
• Having to ask for help, my least favorite thing in the entire world. Breathing comfort and reassurance.
• Catching myself doing so much pre-emptive placating, reassuring and hand-holding, having to remind myself to cut that out because that all falls into the category of caretaking and WUSIT (What Unsovereign Shit Is This). Remembering that I no longer work for Tantrum Prevention Incorporated, but bracing for that anyway, lots of stuff from then. Breathing the reminder that Now Is Not Then, and we are fierce powerful panthers, amen.
• My big wish-desire still scares me way too much. Breathing trust and patience.
• Ugh do not want to get the kind of jobs that I need to get, even though I would be very good at them. Breathing for surprise perfect solutions that are so beautiful I clap my hands in delight.
• Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. May peacefulness prevail. Trust-more love-more release-more receive-more. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week.

Breathing for the good, reassuring, and magical!

• Back in the wilderness under the stars, it is so gorgeous here. Breathing thank you.
• Not only am I sleeping again, but also no longer having regular nightmares. Breathing thankfulness.
• Misunderstanding from last week sorted with ease and grace, happy to have friend back in my life. Breath of appreciation.
• Playfulness and joy and silliness and gleeful giddy wonder and grand adventures and big ideas and fun collaborations and so much play. Breathing happiness.
• Getting so much done. Breathing for magic.
• I was brave and asked for help, and am overwhelmed by the outpouring of love from people all over the world. Breathing gratitude for this reminder that I am not alone and this work is so deeply loved, thank you.
• Discovered a path from the pain of I Can’t Fix This to the amazing (and surprisingly blissful) superpower of I Am Completely Peaceful And Can Let The Audience Decide. Amazing. Breathing steadiness and grace.
• I like being in one place — for now! I like being here — for now! I like the sun and the long meandering dirt road walks and the dusting of snow on the mountains and the cafe where I work! And watching So You Think You Can Dance and crying because the routines are so incredible. Breathing and smiling.
• Cubs won the world series!!!!! Who ever thought that would happen in our lifetime? Take that, curses and hexes and long runs of bad luck. Breathing so much delight.
• Big dreamy ideas and wishes, getting to know them, getting to know the me who believes they are possible. Breathing joy.
• Thankfulness. Treasure in the form of sleeping in, Agent Sloan offering to go on a secret mission for me, old friends returning, all the best clues, enchiladas with the cowboy, starting a dance crew in my mind. Nothing is wrong, even when I want to believe it is. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. Thank you for this grand adventure. A full breath of deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.

Superpowers.

Last week I asked for the power of Effortlessly Grounded in Panther Powers as well as People Rejoice With Me, and all the powers of the beautiful wind-blowing spirit emoji blessing my trajectory and my sails with love. Totally happened.

Now I am asking for surprise perfect solutions that are so beautiful I clap my hands in delight. I want lots of these! I want to be able to see them and recognize them! I want to rejoice in them! I want to explore new doors with curiosity and delight, and all the best companions.

May it be so.

How was your week?

Come play in the comments. Share something from your week, take a breath, or just say hi! No rules, my format doesn’t have to be yours, we’ve been doing this every week for years now and there still isn’t a right way.

Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We lovingly refrain from giving advice.

And of course it’s always okay to comment under a made-up name, whether for play and delight, or in the interest of Safety First.

Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.

It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — jump in whenever you like. Blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers too!