What is needed?

Oh wow, this Monday is so Monday.

It needs an infusion of magic, some tingly-fluttery throb-hum in the energy field, a smattering of something good. I want to breathe deeper, sit up a little more, a general perking-up of mood and body, and I want this to spill over into every aspect of my day.

What if I could even get just the tiniest bit excited about whatever it is I might do next from my seemingly endless list of things instead of wanting to go hide forever….

Secret agent identity today.

I think I’m going to stick with being Adrianna, the Italian heiress who is unwavering in her commitment to vivacious aliveness.

And equally unwavering in her commitment to pouty red lips, decadent desserts, flirting with mysterious strangers, and approaching every single second of life with intention: heart open, receptive to whatever big wild passion and unexpected surprises this moment might hold.

Qualities & Superpowers for today.

• Serendipity
• Grace
• Sovereignty
• I Am A Wild Panther
• Regal As Fuck and also playful at the same time, self-possessed as a cat, or a toddler who has figured out how to kick a ball…
• I Remember That Nothing Is Wrong — and the timing of things I think are
  “late” or “behind” actually turns out to be flawless
• Help And Support Is All Around Me
• Beautifully Anchored

Clues.

“It’s my life and I do what I want!”

The music at this cafe is very much in support of Adrianna and her mission. Also, a song by The Animals is very appropriate for I Am A Wild Panther.

My (entirely made-up) mission for today.

Let’s see. Let’s say that Adrianna is doing some research on buying a car. Actually, she is probably outsourcing this and flirting with strangers in a cafe.

That’s the mission. Initiate research on [buying a car], outsource it, flirt with strangers.

I’m probably not going to buy a car. That’s a proxy for a bunch of things on the list, but I can pretend I’m buying a car. That way if things get stuck with the actual projects, I can solve for X using the car-buying metaphor.

What happens next?

Monsters say my list is A THOUSAND MILES LONG, so I am going to prove them wrong by naming all the things that I can think related to [acquiring a vehicle] that want doing that could also conceivably be done this week or next.

Then rename them so they sound less scary, finding out who can help, and asking Adrianna what’s next….

Wanna play with me here?

You are welcome to invent your own names, mission, superpowers and so on, or however you like to play.

You can also hide clues here, leave fairy godmother wishes, or wish Adrianna luck, not that she needs it but she likes effusive exclamations of support.

As always we remember that projects are complex beings, and being in project mode tends to bring up all of our stuff, so we go gently with ourselves and practice Safety First. We joyfully refrain from all forms of advice-giving and care-taking because People Vary, and because play is about Agency, Freedom and the very magical thing that is trusting our own process.

xoxox

Hello, week: we are here.

Today is a Sunday chicken because I spent this weekend in workshops and just emerged, and I am trusting in right timing o’clock. It is good to be here.

{a breath for being here when we get here}

Thank you, week!

This is the 411th week in a row we are chickening here together!

What’s been working?

Breathing deep. Remembering that just because in a given moment everything seems completely wrong does not in fact mean that this is true. I can pause and wait and let the moment unfold. Trusting that tight things will unfurl, and do so beautifully. This is working.

I might try…

Listen to instinct sooner. Be willing to abandon a perfectly good plan.

Naming the days.

This week was the week of wild into wonder, and these were the days.

After-effects. New eyes. May this day bring great joy. Powerful re-entry. Asking for what I need. Calm + roots. I trust what I know.

Upcoming biopic if it were based on this week…

Hahahahahahahahaha.

8 breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.

1. Massively overwhelmed by life, the universe and everything. I love how my crises are an equal mix of existential and seemingly practical. A breath for remembering one step at a time and nothing is wrong.
2. Oh Orlando. Heartbreak. A breath for whatever needs to be breathed here, I don’t even know, I am retreating into my bubble so I can breathe in my heart.
3. Today is Day 42 of not having a home, and while Now Is Not Then and I can see and feel all the beautiful ways that this is true, I am not always able to maintain my adventurous spirit. A breath for healing.
4. I know what I want and it is not at all what I expected. This is disorienting. A breath for spaciousness and trust.
5. I want to be dancing and I am not dancing. A breath.
6. The faraway beautiful cowboy is very far away. A breath for this.
7. The neverending project is neverending. Where is my sanctuary. What does it look like. How can I work on all these things and also work on what I want to work on/ A breath of trust and safe passage.
8. Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. May peacefulness prevail. Trust-more love-more release-more receive-more. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week.

8 breaths for the good, reassuring, delight-filled.

1. Returned from the coast with dreams, plans, excitement. A breath of joy.
2. Found a perfect simple solution to the neverendingness of the neverending project. A breath for grace and play.
3. An absolutely incredible mind-blowing weekend of mad hot epiphanies while working on Panther Training aka studying with an expert in pelvis and posture, which are very panther-related things. A breath for how deeply I am breathing.
4. Decadence. A breath for fully committing to this in the right moment.
5. Again: I know what I want and I know what I don’t want. A breath of quiet trust.
6. I feel at ease in my life a lot of the time, which is kind of amazing given that a lot of aspects of my life are not easy right now. A breath for pausing to notice this.
7. I am so fortunate to have the amount of freedom, inspiration and play in my life that I do, and I am grateful. A breath for all the miracles involved in this.
8. Thankfulness. Treasure in the form of the softest dog, the happiest cat, friends who are happy to take me in, surprise miracles, beautiful coincidences. So much treasure. Everything is okay and so much is good. Nothing is wrong, even when I want to believe it is. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. Thank you for this grand adventure. A full breath of deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.

Superpowers I had this week…

Last week I asked for the power of deep rest, I want to be so well-rested and peaceful that I do not miss any internal intel about how I feel, what I need and what needs to change in my environment. And beautiful sweet surprises.

I received all this and more, as well as the superpower of Everything Beautifully Orchestrated.

Powers I want.

The superpowers of being my most embodied graceful powerful self who transmits in every moment that I am not to be messed with.

The Salve of Embodied Grace.

This salve is made of deep breath, awareness, deliberate movement, pleasure, and the total immersion in the commitment to not sacrificing physical and emotional comfort to attempt to please strangers.

Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!

This week’s band is:

While Wearing Shoulderpads

Their latest album is A Kingdom In Need, and this band is just one guy.

Announcement time….

More to come soon, but I left the monster manual in the place that used to be the the shop. So if you missed the closing of the shop, there is still something beautiful for you!

How was your week?

Come play in the comments. Share something from your week, take a breath, or just say hi! No rules, my format doesn’t have to be yours, we’ve been doing this every week for years now and there still isn’t a right way.

Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We lovingly refrain from giving advice.

And of course it’s always okay to comment under a made-up name, whether for play and delight, or in the interest of Safety First.

Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.

It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — jump in whenever you like. Blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers too!

wanting

all week I have tried to put
words to my wishes
and I can’t, so instead of asking my usual question
(what do I want)
let’s ask something new

what do I know

what do I know

my wishes right now are unbearably tender and vulnerable
I dare not even whisper them to myself

what do I know

today I passed a guy in the supermarket wearing a shirt that said
I am both bigger and smaller than my body
that is it exactly
whatever it is I am wishing for right now
the wish I cannot even let myself know about
it is smaller than a tiny sweet thing
and, clearly, it is also huge
because I’ve spent all day in tears
over the thought of writing about my wishes
and I don’t even know why

what do I know

re-entry is hard
it is so hard
I came back from an unplanned week escape at the coast
where I had everything I could possibly need:

water and sanctuary
joy and play
inspiration and freedom

morning walks down the hill towards my favorite view in the world
that echoing expanse of magnificence
and now nothing is right

what do I know

when I used to [verb] retreats and rallies
I would explain to people that sometimes (often)
when you return into the world that was your world
it can suddenly seem distressingly not-okay,
and we think augh why did I go on retreat
it was supposed to make my life better but now I feel awful

here is happening in this scenario:
you have made internal shifts that are not yet reflected
in your surroundings
and you are hyper-aware of incongruence around you
it isn’t that things are bad now
it’s that you hadn’t noticed before to what extent
the things that are no longer working for you aren’t working
and now you do and it hurts

it hurts

the thing that hurts is the dissonance
the awareness of the gap
but awareness of the gap is also
how you cross through

what do I know

a funny thing — in that moment, as I was thinking about re-entry
and what a great stirring up it is,
I was also watching Scandal,
and about ten seconds after I scribbled Re-entry Is Hard
on my notepad
a character said these exact words:

re-entry is hard
you were in deep cover
everything feels different and off now
adjusting takes time, and kindness

it was a deeply bewildering moment
but then truth gets delivered in marvelous ways sometimes

what do I know

I wished last week about sanctuary and finding
my peaceful place
and I found it of course
in the place it always is, inside of me, when I take care of myself
and also in the other place it always is, by the water
in view of my favorite bridge
the bridge that is devoted to my pursuit of pleasure
and whispers truth-secrets to me
when I listen

and then I returned to the physical place
where I am trying to build a sanctuary and
another sanctuary
and realized that something is off

alright

something is off
let’s talk about what I want
let’s talk around what I want

what do I want

I am having a very Day 4 meltdown
and so of course what I need is the very day four superpower of

Oh Right Of Course This Meltdown Is The Exact Right Meltdown For Me To Be Having Right Now Even If I Don’t Yet Know Why

aka This Moment Is A Blessing
aka Trust Life And Let This Moment Play Out And Unfold
aka Nothing Is Wrong and All Is Well

acknowledgment and legitimacy:
it is okay to be melting down right now
this makes sense
it’s part of re-entry and
I don’t have to like it

what do I want

I want to not be going through this alone
and, more specifically, I want a helper who is a rabbit,
oh something like a personal assistant
but not that
and not the highly branded virtual kind that
this internet world is full of or used to be at least

I said earlier on twitter:

“tinder, but for work dates”

and sure, that’s kind of what I want
someone to sit across from me and smile at me while I write
someone I can show my list of rabbit things
and they will say “ah” and “yes”
and then maybe do some of my rabbit things for me

rabbit things

I want a pretend work date
with a pretend rabbit
someone to to smile at me and not-talk while I write
and figure out the next steps for Operation Rabbit 23

rabble-rousing rabbits!

did you ever read those wonderful books about freddy the detective pig
a group of rabbits create a sort of secret ninja society to defend freddy
in times of need
of which there are many
the rabbit gang are inspired rabble-rousers with
high opinions of themselves and very tiny knives
that they don’t actually use
they call themselves the Horrible 10
and Rabbit 23 is their leader whose marvelous title is Head Horrible

yes let’s talk about Rabbit 23 and the Horrible Ten since
I am not ready to talk about my wishes
and this particular wish is a very good proxy mission indeed

what do I love about the horrible ten?

they are fierce and mighty (a mighty mighty rabbit crew!)
they are fearless even though they have zero reason to be
oh the fabulous braggadocio
and in rhyme

what is it called when rappers tell you how great they are?
the Horrible Ten were great at that
like the time they expanded their ranks and became the Horrible Twenty…

“We are the Horrible Twenty/ Of ferocity, boy! we’ve got plenty!”

fearsome!

nothing makes me happier than this image of these
very small rabbits getting all pumped to be FEARSOME
I also love how it is a secret gathering and clandestine agents
and how they are not actually horrible or vindictive at all
oh, and of course, it’s also about
challenging cultural assumptions
(yeah? you think rabbits are mild and meek?
we get to be how we want, dammit!)

what is Operation Rabbit 23?

this is my wish about getting someone to help me
do all the things that need doing
(or really outsource all the things that need doing)
on my various sanctuary-related ops
including the basement studio and possibly operation Wild Wild Nest

I need someone who can squeeze my hand
make calls for me
help me put lists in order and say wonderfully reassuring things like
“it’s all taken care of” and “we don’t need to worry about this”
ahhhh and it is like having my own Head Horrible
to be on my side
yes please

what would the italian heiress do?

so while I was in astoria, I needed a cover story
and somehow it came about that I was a wealthy eccentric italian heiress
who had fallen in love with the oregeon coast
fortuitously, I have a friend who is both a native astorian and
always up for hilarity, play and adventures (my favorite things)
who gleefully volunteered to play the part of a lumberjack-for-hire
who could show her the sights and introduce her to the locals

this turned out to be the best secret mission in the world
Adrianna Bradamante Rosabella Feliciana Saveria!
that is her/my name and it means
[Dark Wild-Lover Beautiful-Rose Fortune A-New-House]
which is all the things I want from life
and all the things I want to be
see? I knew I would share my true wishes
if I created enough safety for myself here

so what would Adrianna do

what would I do if I trusted myself to do what I want to do?

what do I know
Adrianna wears red red red lipstick
and loves argentine tango
she goes skinny dipping in the river if she feels like it
and never apologizes for being fabulous and luscious and alive
she does not dim her spark for anyone
she walks through doors like they were meant to open for her
she does not follow half-yeses
she lives in that delicious tingling moment that comes
two and a half seconds after
the whispered yes in your heart
to something you want that both scares you and excites you
the kind of wants that I am afraid to know about

Adrianna and rabbit 23

fearlessly showing up for full yes
and thinking (knowing!) that they are amazing
this is what I want

truth

part of this hidden wish then involves letting myself see
not only my yeses
but just how many yeses I have been ignoring
or how many times I have acquiesced to half-yeses
for lack of a better option
or lack of believing that full yes is a possibility

how can Operation Rabbit 23 help me with my secret wishes?

right now I am having trouble acknowledging my yeses
but once I do, logistics is where everything will get sticky
so having help in place with logistics
is what I need anyway
plus I need those qualities of wild fierceness and intensity
and feeling disproportionately capable and proud of how amazing I am
yes, this is in fact exactly what I need to
have more Adrianna in my life as well
of course how did I not see that

what do I know about my wish?

it is about being brave enough to want what I want
while creating safety and sanctuary to not have to say it until I am ready
it is about play and playfulness
and how these support both vitality and aliveness as well as
sanctuary, shelter, containment and Safety First
it is about being someone (me!) who is so deeply committed to both play and safety
that even in the midst of melting down
when I have no home and no plan and
find both my wishes and the prospect of wishing itself to be completely terrifying
I can still recite rabbit poetry
put on lipstick with Adrianna
remember how re-entry works
name something that I want
and trust that all this is good

now

I shared a smile today with a stranger
it was such a good smile
they were riding a bike
and I can’t tell you anything else about them
because that is all I know
just that we shared the most delicious reckless partners-in-crime smile
and then they were gone

I had a lovely moment of feeling grateful about being an adult
which is to say that I recognized the magic of the moment
as being held inside of
the sharing of qualities, the glowing of qualities,
instead of thinking that this particular person holds the magic
or that I need them in any way
source lives within me and
glows within me always
which means magical moments are available to me through
presence, pleasure, peacefulness, practice
aka showing up for life

the superpower of the next indicated step is revealed to me

May was WILD with its wild door, and sexy fearless powerful presence

June is WONDER which is so very perfect for a mission about Sanctuary, and hahaha the next indicated step is revealed to me, yes yes yes, this is all I need and this is right

thank you, past-me, for being such a good namer and calling this into being

last week’s wishes

last-week-me wished a big wish about sanctuary called wild into wonder …

this was a marvelous wish and exactly what I needed, and yes, if it brought me (which it might have, indirectly) to my current meltdown state of Where Is My Sanctuary and How Do I Find My Way To A New And Better Yes, then what a blessing, and what a reminder that sanctuary is also the answer to this melting down

invitation: come play with me…

you are invited to share many !!!!!! about what is here,
or share appreciation or anything sparked for you while reading, including any stories you wish to let go of, any adventures you wish to welcome

deposit wishes, gwishes, superpowers, qualities, ingredients, intel, possibly in code

safe space for creative exploration asks us to let go of care-taking and advice-giving

wishes are never late because whenever you wish is the right time for wishing

here’s how we meet each other’s wishes: oh, wow what beautiful wishes

♡

Hello, week: we are here.

It is good to be here.

{a breath for being here when we get here}

Thank you, week!

This is the 410th week in a row we are chickening here together!

What’s been working?

Being near water. Trusting my gut. Listening.

I might try…

Headphones in sooner. And/or change location sooner.

Naming the days.

This week was the week of wild into wonder, and these were the days.

Permisison to hide. I am safe and free. Learning about sanctuary. Wild and free. Full of awe and wonder. Magnificence. What do I really want.

Upcoming biopic if it were based on this week…

My way makes less sense but it’s also more fun.

8 breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.

1. Now is reminding me so much of Then, in ways that are downright eerie. A breath for remembering that really and truly now is not then.
2. Oh everything takes longer than I think and is more expensive than budgeted for. A breath for spaciousness and plenty.
3. Too many balls in the air. A breath for doing less, choosing ease, and a new metaphor.
4. The thing where people try to work through their stuff using me, instead of turning inward and figuring it out. It is so exhausting and unnecessary and it gives me migraines. A breath for peacefulness.
5. Going my own way is important, and sometimes it is also lonely. A breath.
6. I said this last week, still true. Craving sanctuary, ease, a place for me to write and take care of myself. A breath of steadiness.
7. I just want a home that is my home. A breath of trust and safe passage.
8. Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. May peacefulness prevail. Trust-more love-more release-more receive-more. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week.

8 breaths for the good, reassuring, delight-filled.

1. Magnificence. A breath of expansiveness.
2. A fun night of dancing in Astoria, and three private lessons with my teacher. A breath for grace and play.
3. I trusted my instincts and extended my holiday on the coast for four more days. A breath for certainty.
4. It is supposed to be 102 degrees (39 celsius) this weekend in Portland, and I am not there. A breath for escape.
5. I know what I want and I know what I don’t want. A breath of quiet trust.
6. It used to take me a very long time to remember that Shit Is Not About Me when other people are in their shit and trying to make it about me. Now it is so clear and so easy. This is their stuff, I can wish them love and luck and ease with their stuff, and I don’t have to take it on because it has nothing to do with me. A breath of presence.
7. Feeling awake, inspired, excited about adventure and possibility. A breath for the open road.
8. Thankfulness. Treasure in the form of the softest drizzling rain, the best view, surprise ease, surprise playmates, surprise staircases, surprise surprises. So much treasure. Everything is okay and so much is good. Nothing is wrong, even when I want to believe it is. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. Thank you for this grand adventure. A full breath of deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.

Superpowers I had this week…

Last week I asked for the power of knowing how great I am, shining a light, taking space for myself, combining wildness and wonder. And this ended up being the theme of my dance lessons with my teacher, so I got to experience this both on the dance floor and beyond. More please!

Powers I want.

The superpowers of deep rest, I want to be so well-rested and peaceful that I do not miss any internal intel about how I feel, what I need and what needs to change in my environment. And I want beautiful sweet surprises.

The Salve of The Deepest Rest and Replenishing.

When I was seventeen and eighteen, I worked in the orchards on the kibbutz, rising at 4:45am, stumbling my way to coffee and tractor, climbing trees all day. My afternoon naps were the best naps I have ever experienced, quite possibly the best naps in the world, but the Friday afternoon naps at the end of the work week surpassed them all. The most indescribably blissful healing sleep, sinking into a state of softness beyond dreaming, waking up feeling gloriously restored, vibrantly alive.

This salve is the distilled feeling of both the nap and the waking. It is made of flowering, cat-like stretching, joyful aliveness, spreading roots, drawing power from the earth.

Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!

This week’s band is:

Claw Foot Rub

Their latest album is Always Water, and this band is just one guy.

Announcement time….

More to come soon, but I left the monster manual in the place that used to be the the shop. So if you missed the closing of the shop, there is still something beautiful for you!

How was your week?

Come play in the comments. Share something from your week, take a breath, or just say hi! No rules, my format doesn’t have to be yours, we’ve been doing this every week for years now and there still isn’t a right way.

Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We lovingly refrain from giving advice.

And of course it’s always okay to comment under a made-up name, whether for play and delight, or in the interest of Safety First.

Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.

It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — jump in whenever you like. Blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers too!

intel

I pulled a card — a stone skipping card:
what does my project wish I knew

my project whispered to me that it exists to be a sanctuary for me
it intends to both become a sanctuary and to be the process
by which I learn how sanctuary works
though mainly right now it wants me to just
stop caring about the “tasks” I think are related to the project
and instead focus on getting the feeling in my body
the feeling of sanctuary inside me
“go and learn”, it said, “come back to me once I am fully formed”

such an intriguing conundrum

do you see? in order for me to
[make/create/build/invoke] this sanctuary, to call into being
this safe space that exists for me and only for me,
I need to not be there until it is ready for me

my project said I need to
run this mission from my cockpit and not be onsite,
which makes sense on the one hand in both logical and intuitive ways, and yet
oh sudden panic at the thought of being away from
the one place that is safe space for me
and how can this be asked of me
to exit the safe house in order to learn about safety
scary stuff especially in this moment when
now feels so eerily reminiscent of Then
and yet I can also feel the rightness of it
my project is so very wise and I feel how it glows
steady love for me

what do I know about sanctuary

sanctuary is about glow and wonder and intention and deep breath
transformative space
the beautiful mystery of how it is that certain
structures and forms become a container for
transcendence and magnificence
sanctuary is about what happens in those remarkable spaces,
the spaces that allow for these moments of
containment-holds-vastness

places like the Playground
(the retreat center I tended for five beautiful years
a place of great magic and wonder)
or Astoria at the very northern tip of the Oregon coast, where I invariably receive
brilliantly clear messages about what is indicated and what is next
it is always right for me to go there and always a little frightening
which makes sense because sanctuary is about SHELTER and AWE

shelter, meet awe

shelter is the safety
awe is the wonder: tingling and trembling
and each supports the other
we come into sanctuary to feel safe
inside of big moments of Presence
it can feel so vulnerable and risky to be that present with life
sanctuary says: enter here and breathe this moment
you are held in love

more more more, tell me more

writing is Sanctuary (for me), and writing requires sanctuary
dance is Sanctuary (for me), and dance requires sanctuary
and, funnily enough,
the place I am building that is taking its sweet time coming into being
just told me it exists to be a sanctuary
for me to write and dance

peaceful place

I shared with agent spalding
how frustrating it is for me, in moments,
this current state of
[everything in my life has been in boxes since february
and I am on the move and I just want space for me]
he said: well there’s no real solution to the chaos
that’s just the nature of the adventure you set yourself on, (you know this)
what if you stop trying to solve everything and
do only what pushes you towards your place of peace

ahhhhh my place of peace

proxy mission

I need a proxy mission for what I am doing while I sojourn
during operation G.O.O.D. aka Get Out Of Dodge and find the good
because this is what is indicated
my project is inviting me to
go be in the places I need to be while my sanctuary comes into being
my own personal writing-and-righting retreat
what’s my cover story?

here it is

my fake secret mission is that I build sanctuaries
of course I do
I’m an interior designer (the most interior!)
how does this work
I sprinkle a dust that is not a dust and it
changes the light and allows people to see the holy holiness
that was already there

but also I really do this in real life
like with the playground which was a medical records facility
filled with cubicles
I saw its magic in potential
and cleared space for it to be what it wanted to be

what are the superpowers

the first step in agreeing to a mission or embarking on a voyage is
calling in the superpowers
naming them

come in, come in
superpower of writing is my sanctuary
superpower of I make sanctuaries for creative self-expression
superpower of resonance
shoulders down / trust life / breathe deep
I stay in my cockpit

what needs to change in my kingdom?

this was the next stone-skipping card I drew from the deck
prioritizing sanctuary
this is what needs to change

treating myself differently
taking myself on retreat for writing and righting
ha and Writing Retreat anagrams to Treating Writer and Rewriting Treat
it also hides the words GRANT, WANT and RAW
raw wanting is what I want
granting myself [whatever needs to be granted] is what I want

the foundation: where it changes

claire-of-the-mysteries said I need a foundation
so many delicious meanings of that word
and she is right

a foundation that is a home
a foundation that is a body of work
a Foundation to hold the work I do here and to provide my salary
so when I wish to build sanctuary, I am also wishing for a new foundation

as in dance so in life

I always have an idea of what I want to work on in my dancing
and then have to laugh at how I have fooled myself
yet again into thinking this is about technical ability,
when invariably dance is just reflecting back to me
what I most need and desire in life

three wishes with my genie of a dance teacher

jen: what three things do you want to focus on
me: feeling the floor
jen: okay let’s call that your relationship with gravity,
your ability to draw power from the ground and trust this

me: and relaxing
jen: being peaceful and at home in your body because you know
nothing can go so wrong on the dance floor as to be irreparable

me: and connecting with my partner
jen: or so connected to yourself through
awareness of your body, power and presence,
beautifully in control of what you contribute,
you can let someone experience you, because you choose to,
choosing when and how, according to what suits you

listening

me: ohmygod wow yes this is what I want how did you know
she: because we just danced together and I listened

wild into wonder

I want to access my wild fearless panther self
and wild my way into awe and wonder
I want to use wonder to channel wildness
and wild my way into wonder
and wander back into wildness

don’t acquiesce

do you know what dance is?
it is elusive magic, vulnerable intimacy, and I cannot define it but
here is a beautifully concise explanation from Brandi Tobias:

dance is filling time and space with movement

the music dictates the time
the lead suggests/reveals/envisions/sketches the space
and the follow decorates that space through choosing how to move
I am currently working on following which means
if my partner is the architect, I am the interior designer
Jen said yesterday that all my dance challenges come from
not trusting my design skills

she said: don’t second-guess your instincts
don’t acquiesce
don’t let someone else tell you how to dance your dance
or how to fill and decorate space
this is your domain and you need to know
that no one else in the world can do it like you can

back to the playground

most people don’t know this
(I feel as though I am whispering a secret here!)
but my business is actually about space
the sweet inhale-exhale relationship between internal and external space
and how anything you shift in one
creates a rippling effect through the other

I teach this (through intentionally-not-teaching)
in a variety of ways, for example, through
modeling my own process here
reflecting on my week, exposing-and-exploring wishes and wish-seeds
I write these posts so anyone can come here and get a sense
for how I approach the space of my life,
how I interact with the space around me and the spaces inside of me,
not because my way is the right way, but as one possible example of how to do this

not like anything else

I live the mission of my business through designing
peaceful other-worldly spaces that are not like anything else
both online and in real life
places imbued with safety and sovereignty and spaciousness to just be
I create spaces that are quiet, contained, magical enough and different enough
for us to turn inward and hear-and-feel ourselves
what we need, what we desire, with beautiful clarity,
so that we can take care of ourselves
in this moment now

there it is

so apparently I already am someone who builds sanctuaries
and I just didn’t know it
Jen was right: I don’t need to become a decorator
or learn to be a better one,
I need to give myself permission to be completely at ease in my job,
sure of my ability to play

what do I know about my wishes this week

if it is true that I already have what I want
and do not know it
(like how I already know how to make sanctuary because it’s my job, I just forgot!)
then my wishes are not to have or receive anything
but to reveal how what I want is already here
in seed or in essence, in quality or in spirit
and maybe also just here
what if what I need most is available to me

so this is a wish to
see what I am tripping over
and remember truth:
wonder is here if and when I want it
wonder and awe and magnificence
and my most wild peaceful at-ease-in-this-moment self

now

I am in astoria and it feels so good to be back here
and my whole body was saying no no no please no don’t go back to portland
stay here four more days
and all the signs were lining up to agree with my yes
— a prediction of 102 degrees in portland sunday (39 celsius!)
but 75 (24) here where the columbia river meets the pacific ocean

but still I wanted to logic my way into a decision
and weigh all the pros and cons
instead of listening to the decision
that had already been received

this is the superpower of hearing-and-receiving the next indicated step
so you can imagine how hard I laughed when I looked up
this month’s superpower
because guess what it is….

the superpower of the next indicated step is revealed to me

May was WILD with its wild door, and sexy fearless powerful presence

June is WONDER which is so very perfect for a mission about Sanctuary, and hahaha the next indicated step is revealed to me, yes yes yes, this is all I need and this is right

thank you, past-me, for being such a good namer and calling this into being

last week’s wishes

last-week-me wished a wish called boundaries and bells …

this wish is helping me listen to my yes and trust life more

invitation: come play with me…

you are invited to share many !!!!!! about what is here,
or share appreciation or anything sparked for you while reading, including any stories you wish to let go of, any adventures you wish to welcome

deposit wishes, gwishes, superpowers, qualities, ingredients, intel, possibly in code

safe space for creative exploration asks us to let go of care-taking and advice-giving

wishes are never late because whenever you wish is the right time for wishing

here’s how we meet each other’s wishes: oh, wow what beautiful wishes

♡