Hello, week: we are here.

{a breath for being here when we get here}

Thank you, week!

This is the 394th week in a row we are chickening here together….

What worked this week?

Costume changes. Naming superpowers. A really good cover story.

Next time I might…

Come up with a fun back-up option, one that is so fun that I actually am kind of excited when the first thing falls through.

Naming the days.

This week was the week of brave and hopeful yes, and here were the days:

Radiance. A brave and hopeful yes. A much needed sea change. Yes Just Is. Big magic. Take pleasure. Fierce Glow.

Upcoming biopic if it were based on this week…

I Did What I Came Here To Do, Time To Rest.

8 breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.

1. I am tired and I want to retire. A breath for this.
2. Right ankle still talking. A breath for trusting the ground.
3. Somehow it already feels like months since the beautiful boy left and I miss his hand curled in my hair. A breath for time.
4. Missed buses that were not my bus, both literal and figurative. A breath for trust, trust and more trust.
5. Moving out is hard and slow and weird and uncomfortable. A breath for my new home, may we find each other soon.
6. A year away from forty, I’m finally getting hit with that “biological clock” bullshit that people have been telling me about for years, but it’s nothing like what they described. It’s not that my body wants a baby, I still have zero interest in giving birth or the things that follow that, that all still sounds like the worst thing ever. Nope, my body wants sex, and it wants it now and a thousand times a day, it’s the only thing I can think about. And “want” is the wrong word. Wanting is fun. This is not fun. And now I’m ovulating, so it’s even worse. I am seriously attracted to the most unbelievably unlikely people (points for diplomatic phrasing!), at all times, in all circumstances, regardless of gender or how much nose hair they have or even if I actively dislike them. I don’t really know what to compare it to so I’m going to say it’s kind of like being a sixteen year old boy who’s had a few drinks, and is like, “yeahhhhhhhhh I’d go for some of that” about anyone. It’s the worst, and the person I actually want to unleash this on is in stupid Utah. Anyway, tune in next time to find out if I solved this by sequestering myself (REMAIN INDOORS!) and giving up all hobbies other than orgasms, or if I make some Regrettable Life Choices. Can I just say as well that while it pisses me off to no end that my brain and focus have been hijacked by biology, it pisses me off even more that no one ever talks about this phenomenon, and I am here to tell you that it is in fact a thing, and that I have entirely lost both my good judgment and peace of mind, and I am not happy about it. A breath for how ridiculous this is, and for undoing the rigging in popular culture.
7. Everything in my life is reconfiguring right now, and this is probably-definitely all good, and I’m noticing that I’m a little impatient to see how it all is going to land. In the meantime, waiting on intel, from a number of sources. And waiting for my own yes. And not sure what to do about the Queen of The Doves, and need to keep getting quiet and turning inward until I get an answer on that too. A breath for trust in right timing, and remembering that All Is Well.
8. Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. May peacefulness prevail. Trust-more love-more release-more receive-more. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week.

8 breaths for the good, reassuring, delight-filled.

1. I pulled through the Days of Fatigue. And while normally I revel in napping, I am delighted that this week I did not require any naps, nor did I pass out in the early evening. This is marvelous. A breath of appreciation for passage through.
2. I bravely said my hopeful yes to things I want, and I want to remember what a beautiful thing that is, whether I get them or not. There is so much power in this vulnerable honesty and permission to want. A breath for me.
3. My ankle got a little better each day, and I was actually able to dance Thursday and Friday, which was just big joy. A breath for healing, and for Now Is Not Then (remember two years ago when I was out of commission for months with my ankle, and last year when the same thing happened with my knee?). What a great experience to enjoy speedy healing. A breath of appreciation and thankfulness.
4. Dance compliments, from very-beginning beginners (“Ohmygod you actually follow what I do and it feels so amazing!”) and more advanced dancers (“You let me get away with ANYTHING and then make me look good doing it, you are a dream to dance with!”) and very advanced dancers, with whom nothing needs to be said, just a shared sigh-smile of yes, that was incredible. Feeling big delight about this, especially as I had been down in the dumps about not training because of my ankle. And such a sweet intense dance to this song. A breath for the magic that is connection, music, and the indescribable language that is dance.
5. The sidewalk is fixed. A lovely tuliptree has been planted next to where the maple was. I dispatched an entire platoon of iguanas (projects that scare me) with the help of the Iguana Liberation Front, an organization I invented. Someone finally took the couch. Things are happening and moving, and it is so very good. A breath of love.
6. Each night I plant superpowers for tomorrow-me and then watch them come into themselves, it is kind of miraculous. A breath for creative play.
7. Companionship and community. Wise friends. Processing my yeses and not-yet-yeses with the loving creative people at my Secret Sword Society. A breath of deep gratitude.
8. Thankfulness. Treasure in the form of longer days, popcorn on the stove, new boots arrived (I ordered them in November, but, you know, slow fashion) and they are luscious and wild and everything I wanted. Smiles with Marjorie. Secret Rally day with Marisa. Getting stuff done. The far-away boy texts me about kissing my ankle to make it better, and I get all melty. Everything is okay and so much is good. Nothing is wrong, even when I want to believe it is. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. Thank you for this grand adventure. A full breath of deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.

Sparklepoints, superpowers, salve, fake band of the week!

Current ops and forward movement!

Took steps this week on the Wild Wild Nest, the Studio Op, Wild Montage, and The Fountaining. Incremental movement and much percolating on The Namer Names and A Beautiful Inventory. Thank you, fractal flowers.

I am bestowing vast quantities of sparklepoints upon myself like a fairground stripper, and you are welcome to do the same for you.

Superpowers I had this week…

Last week I asked for the powers of Easily Releasing, Of Course I Live In A Wishing Hotel, and I Trust In My Wild Good Fortune, and I received all of this IN SPADES.

I also wanted Let’s Get Serious About Joy, and A Parade For How Great I Am, Yes, A Parade! So let’s re-seed those because they seem important.

Powers I want.

I want the powers of Fierce Glow, I Fill Up On Glorious Appreciation, At Home In Myself, and Perfect Simple Solutions Land.

The Salve of Fierce Glow

I draw a honeycomb hexagon on the palm of my hand with a finger, and then words:

Striking / Wild / Sexy
Fearless / Tough / Powerful

This alluring luminous salve goes deep and returns you to your forgotten power, it transcends rules. With this salve, you can once again access your own wells.

Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!

This week’s band is:

Tenth Rite Yowl

Their latest album is This Letter How Tiny, and it turns out this band is just one guy.

TWO ANNOUNCEMENTS!

We are doing some reconfiguring and Congruencing, and the shop will disappear soon, so if there was something you wanted to buy, go ahead and do that before it’s gone. More explanations about [reasons] to come, but it’s all good stuff, and if something is speaking to you, this is a good time.

How was your week?

Come play in the comments. Share something from your week, take a breath, or just say hi! No rules, my format doesn’t have to be yours, we’ve been doing this every week for years now and there still isn’t a right way.

Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We lovingly refrain from giving advice.

And of course it’s always okay to comment under a made-up name, whether for play and delight, or in the interest of Safety First.

Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.

It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — jump in whenever you like. Blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers too!

alligators, unimpressed

deep inside my dream I was involved in a
a complicated baseball game
that included alligators
I was the catcher
and if you know me at all, you know that’s about as unlikely
as alligators playing baseball

I made a spectacular catch
— no glove! left-handed! from an armchair! —
and no one was impressed
dream-me was very sad

parade, please

I want a parade to celebrate me!
and I have to be the one to give myself the parade
this is important
and also frustrating

important

it’s important because I always want to remember
how appreciation is a quality of the divine
it comes from SOURCE, not from people,
and source lives within me, is transported in me,
which means I can always access appreciation when needed

and sure, yes, sometimes other people will be the
delivery system for [gifts of source]

but people are people and source is source

and let us not confuse these
let us not go through life believing that a specific person is our source of love
everything ends and people exit,
and it is a great and tragic distortion to go through life believing that
once a person is gone, we no longer get to have
whatever beautiful things that person used to deliver by way of source

appreciation is mine because it just is
I can glow it outward or inward
trusting in the delivery systems to deliver
trusting in my own ability to be the delivery system

and

sometimes it scares me, the intensity of this need-craving-desire
to be appreciated
I see and hear you, monsters in the form of
“ugh just grow up already and
stop needing everyone to like everything you do”
and also other impatient monster-like voices that say,
“why do you squander your time and talent on weekly wishes,
go write for a larger platform where more people will read
and appreciate your words, and oh right, you’d actually get paid”

but that form is not my yes
my yes is to be free to follow my desire
my yes is to fill my pockets with freedom
and write exactly what I want to write, and when and how I want to write it,
and to glow appreciation for myself and for life
out into the world
filling up my world

and I wish because wishing is ritual
and because this is where I want to be

and if all that means that sometimes I have to
throw myself a parade
then so be it, here’s to all the superpowers of self-proclaimed parades
here’s to the treasures that emerge from getting
raw and honest with my wanting

what is the bridge between freedom and sanctuary

I have learned a lot about my yes during the year of yes
and now I am learning about doors in the year of doors

now, as I prepare to exit
the home where I’ve lived the past seven years
with no idea of what’s next
my biggest yes is knowing-and-remembering that I have
plentiful resources, really good options, and
— this is the most important thing —
a beautiful safe cozy nest that I love

I want to listen to the wise voices in and around me
not the monsters
not the dismissive alligators
not petrified me who believes that now is then
I want to listen to the ones who really know me deeply

okay, I can listen

the far-away boy: I thought your catch was the highlight of the game!
my former housemate: and alligators can’t even sit in armchairs, so they should really be impressed by the whole package…

incoming me: FILL YOUR POCKETS WITH FREEDOM, my love
say yes to what you want
your yes is the bridge between Freedom and Sanctuary,
it is sanctuary that will allow you to be free, and guess what,
EVEN IF you say yes to your yes and
for whatever reason it doesn’t say yes back to you,
saying yes to your yes is still a win
a win for you and it’s a win for the world,
I’m absolutely serious about this,
because saying your yes is challenging the rigging,
and if you say yes to wanting what you want,
you are also saying yes to the idea of this,
to having Freedom + Sanctuary in the same space at the same time,
which means you will get it in some form even if not in this form,
not to mention all all the bravery points for saying it, so yes, go ahead and speak your
brave and hopeful yes

thanking myself

I have been practicing appreciation by saying thank you before bed
thank you, that is, to me of the day-that-was

thank you for being so calm and steady
during the messy attempted-leg-shaving-while-tired debacle
thank you for responding with attentiveness and reassurance and presence
thank you for keeping All Salve next to the bed
thank you for checking the list of What Helps When We’re Petrified
thank you for trusting the nap
thank you for asking Lucky Honey to take the front of the V
thank you for helping me remember to pause for RGW (Replenishing Glass of Water)
thank you for helping me get clear on my yes
thank you for being receptive to many possible good solutions and not fixating
thank you for bringing me back to my thank-you heart
thank you for doing your best, today-me, you are treasure and I appreciate you!

and naming superpowers

Here are the superpowers I want right now:

I am Wildly Unfazed
I can totally handle this
Everything is working out perfectly no matter how it looks to me from the outside or how my monsters and scared selves want to read the situation
Oh, what Fantastic Unexpected Luckiness
There’s always money (and whatever else I need) in the banana stand
I now have plentiful resources for what I want
(and a beautiful safe cozy nest that I love)
Solid guidance from wise, calm, capable incoming me
I am so loved
I live by my BRAVE AND HOPEFUL YES!

and more

let’s take deep breaths of superpowers
let’s shout them from the rooftops of our mind
let’s be the source of remembering source
let’s circulate them in spirals, like a hula hoop or an unnamed reverberating bell

this calls for ALL CAPS!

THE SUPERPOWERS OF I SAY MY YES
THE SUPERPOWERS OF MY YES IS RECEIVED WITH JOY AND LOVE
THE SUPERPOWERS OF THIS IS RIGHT AND THIS MOMENT IS RIGHT
THE SUPERPOWERS OF MY YES HAS ROOTS and MY YES HAS WINGS
THE SUPERPOWERS OF I AM OF THE EARTH
THE SUPERPOWERS OF GETTING SERIOUS ABOUT JOY
THE SUPERPOWERS OF CROSSING THROUGH
THE SUPERPOWERS OF THIS IS MY DOOR AND IT IS A BEAUTIFUL ONE
THE SUPERPOWERS OF ECHOING & REVERBERATING
THE SUPERPOWERS OF FILLING MY POCKETS WITH FREEDOM
THE SUPERPOWERS OF RECEPTIVE TO MANY POSSIBLE GOOD SOLUTIONS
THE SUPERPOWERS OF INTO THE GARDEN WHERE THE MANY POSSIBLE GOOD SOLUTIONS LIVE
THE SUPERPOWERS OF THE MYSTIC FANTASTIC FORTRESS COMES TO MEET ME AT HAPPY HOUR
THE SUPERPOWERS OF AND YES THE HAPPIEST HOUR IS NOW

trust trust trust, seed and release.

this is really what my wish is about
allowing myself to want what I want
to hear my brave and hopeful yes
without being attached to the way I think I’m supposed to receive it

the brave and hopeful yes
is the yes of listening, asking, desiring, releasing,
trust trust trust, seed and release

my brave and hopeful yes is a red balloon of releasing

what do I know about my wish this week

it’s about freedom-meets-sanctuary, ease-filled transition, a dose of magic,
and being very honest with myself
even when this means interacting with monsters and seeing aspects of myself
that I didn’t want to see
or noticing that I’ve forgotten again that source is source
and that the answer (as always) is getting quiet and going deep inside myself
to the place from which ALIVENESS sparks

let me speak my brave and hopeful yes
let me whisper it in the heart-garden
under the stars

let there always be people I like to play with,
the kind who can admire a spectacular catch,
and who can reflect my own incoming abilities to appreciate and be appreciated

let there be a beautiful safe haven for me to land in
a place I will love and cherish
that will love and cherish me
may we find each other soon, with the greatest of ease, and say yes yes yes yes

now

my kitchen is now empty but for one cabinet
I have to remind myself approximately 19,000 times a day that
Now Is Not Then
I write the word TRUST on my forehead with a fingertip
and kiss the palms of my hands and press them to my cheeks

the days are getting longer and I love this
thinking about tu b’shvat, the birthday of the trees
and I can feel this new spring coming
soon we plant a new tree where the wild winds uprooted the old one
everything is being seeded

superpower of safety first

january on the 2016 fluent self calendar was the door of FREDOM, and february is the door of SANCTUARY, which comes with the glowingly important superpower of safety first

I want to live by safety first
and I want to be a grand adventurer
and I want to see no contradiction between the two
my cozy nest of a home-base allows me to set forth on wild adventures,
internal and external,
trusting my sails and my beautiful anchor

last week’s wishes

I wished a wish called set free and be set free…

this was a big week of letting go, and not always easy
but I crossed the bridge from terror into lit up with giddy excitement
about my brave and hopeful yes
and it was quite the passage
so I am glad to have asked for this

invitation: come play with me…

you are invited to share many !!!!!! about what is here,
or share anything sparked for you while reading

deposit wishes, gwishes, superpowers, qualities, ingredients, intel, possibly in code

safe space for creative exploration asks us to let go of care-taking and advice-giving

wishes are never late because whenever you wish is the right time for wishing

here’s how we meet each other’s wishes: oh, wow what beautiful wishes

♡

Hello, week: we are here.

{a breath for being here when we get here}

Thank you, week!

This is the 393rd week in a row we are chickening here together….

What worked this week?

Giving my monsters a stopwatch and making a deal….

Monsters estimated that Doing The Base Level Things (bringing up laundry, making up the bed, folding all the clothes, doing dishes) should only take 15-20 minutes if I’m “focused”, and that it’s my fault everything takes longer, because I stop to text people or look at instagram or stare at the walls.

So I suggested an experiment.

I promised to be super focused and let them hold the stopwatch, if they promised not to criticize me or rush me or intervene in any way which could disrupt the integrity of the experiment. We invited the Internal Scientists to document the process.

It took EXACTLY fifty eight minutes.

I was focused and undistracted, no pausing, no resting, no bathroom break. I just did the things and that was the amount of time.

While my monsters still maintain that this is an absurd amount of time, they saw how dedicated I was to the mission and they know I wasn’t “wasting” any time, because they watched. They are amazed amazed amazed, it is awesome.

Naps.

I have known for a long time that a nap is an excellent portal/bridge to all kinds of good healing, but sometimes I don’t want to do it because in [certain situations] going back to bed gets read in my mind as defeat, and I was dealing with a lot of Now Reminds Me Of Then this week.

But choosing bed worked really well for me, when I let myself. And when I didn’t let myself, my body declared a state of emergency and took me there anyway.

Next time I might…

Ask for help sooner.

Yes. I know.

Naming the days.

This week was the week of set free and be set free, and here were the days:

Mysteriously Amazing. I Wow Myself. Be a bell. Second chances. Surprise extra ease. Jewel heart. Recharge.

Upcoming biopic if it were based on this week…

Nothing Is Wrong, Things Are Just Rearranging In Space.

8 breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.

1. This week in Mysterious Inexplicable Injuries, my right ankle got badly bruised (but how?) and stopped working. Painful, scary and not fun, even if I weren’t a dancer, but yes, this is worse. A breath for my ankle, and for trusting the ground.
2. It was goodbye again when the beautiful boy left town, which I knew was coming and somehow thought I could handle it this time and that I’d be fine, and hahahaha that’s hilarious. I miss him. A breath for me.
3. Oh, hello, FATIGUE, back so soon? Here to knock me off my feet again, huh. Or maybe there’s another reason you’re here. Did you forget something? Or maybe I forgot something, I forgot how big you and how deep you go, I must have thought I exaggerated your effects in my mind. But no, you just are how you are. I know a lot about depletion, which is useful, and at least this is not unfamiliar territory, it just bumps up the challenge level of everything else. A breath for zero, and for empty also being the place of resetting.
4. Not only is replacing the sidewalk expensive as hell, it’s also extremely noisy, and this was the week of migraines and banging sounds and I had to be out of the house, which was very stressful as I was halfway to passing out from exhaustion. A breath for moving through states of upheaval, and, again, for remembering that now is not then.
5. Everything I said last week still goes: Wiped-out from all current projects. Emptying the house is big work. Figuring out what’s next is big work. Writing projects are big work. Friends are AWOL. A breath for rest, and for Safety First.
6. Overwhelmed and panicked about What Is Next, and the unexpected visits to Spain (this is the code name a friend uses for Severe Pain). A breath for here-now, taking care of myself to the best of my ability, trusting Wise Me who says that this is all normal and understandable given the circumstances and it will pass soon.
7. In between. Let’s have a breath.
8. Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. May peacefulness prevail. Trust-more love-more release-more receive-more. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week.

8 breaths for the good, reassuring, delight-filled.

1. Big love and sweetness. I am in fact better at these goodbyes. And better at trusting. A breath for taking care of myself, and treasuring myself.
2. Month of Sanctuary, yes yes yes, such good timing and so much intel about this. A breath for receiving what is needed.
3. Big moments of trust. A breath for seeing clearly, and remembering that Now Is Not Then.
4. I have a yes I’m really excited about. Not entirely sure how to make it happen but it’s just so exciting to know what I want, and know that it’s possible. A breath for sweet clarity.
5. My wise body has a lot to say, and I have been training myself in listening. And the people in my life support me in listening. “Recharge those batteries, sweet girl”, texts the faraway boy. “Take all the time and sleep you need, I wish you deep restoration”, says Agent Annabelle. “Good for you, I’m sure you needed that”, says my now former housemate when he learns that I’ve spent the week in bed instead of getting the house ready to rent. A breath for practice, and for remembering how much I am loved.
6. Moving when and how I can. I mean this both in terms of dance training, and also with my ankle. Oh, and an absolutely dreamy luscious blues dance to this song, sometimes dance is just HEAVEN. A breath for panther powers and slow motion montage.
7. Joy in emptying, joy in change (even when scary, also welcome), joy in letting go, joy in holding close, joy in swaying in the dark, joy in taking pleasure, joy in newness, joy in knowing-and-remembering that This Moment Is Right.
8. Thankfulness. Treasure in the form of longer days, stars, candles, naps every day, former housemate coming by to make me dinner, writing, talking to Incoming Me, friends showing up to help peel me off the floor. My uncle came for the weekend and we had delicious Ethiopian food with my favorite cousin. Everything is okay and so much is good. Nothing is wrong, even when I want to believe it is. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. Thank you for this grand adventure. A full breath of deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.

Sparklepoints, superpowers, salve, fake band of the week!

Current ops and forward movement!

Had an epiphany this week about the Wild Wild Nest. Incremental movement and much percolating on The Namer Names, Wild Montage, The Studio Op, and the Fountaining op. Thank you, fractal flowers.

I am bestowing vast quantities of sparklepoints upon myself like a fairground stripper, and you are welcome to do the same for you.

Superpowers I had this week…

Last week I asked for the powers of Beautifully Clear, and I received this. I also had the power of the right background music.

Powers I want.

I will re-seed the wishes for the powers of Easily Releasing, Of Course I Live In A Wishing Hotel, and I Trust In My Wild Good Fortune. And I want the powers of Let’s Get Serious About Joy, and also A Parade For How Great I Am, Yes, A Parade!

The Salve of Let’s Get Serious About Joy

This salve, despite its name, does not feel serious at all. It is wonderfully light and bubbly, and when I put it on, it reminds me that my delight is vital and important, and instead of getting all monster-ey about why have I been neglecting my delight, I just delight in giving myself delight.

This salve is made of JOY, and also contains Permission, Sweetness, Pleasure, Wonder, Deepening, Power, Appreciation, Play and Presence.

Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!

This week’s band is:

Borderline Daisy

Their latest album is Just In The Knock Of Time, and it turns out this band is just one guy.

TWO ANNOUNCEMENTS!

We are doing some reconfiguring and Congruencing, and the shop will disappear soon, so if there was something you wanted to buy, go ahead and do that before it’s gone. More explanations about [reasons] to come, but it’s all good stuff, and if something is speaking to you, this is a good time.

How was your week?

Come play in the comments. Share something from your week, take a breath, or just say hi! No rules, my format doesn’t have to be yours, we’ve been doing this every week for years now and there still isn’t a right way.

Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We lovingly refrain from giving advice.

And of course it’s always okay to comment under a made-up name, whether for play and delight, or in the interest of Safety First.

Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.

It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — jump in whenever you like. Blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers too!

alternate

I think a lot about parallel worlds,
an endless cascading of alternate universes, each just
oh let’s say a degree or two apart from each other
in terms of how they vary
so visiting a nearby one is no big deal,
in other words, not at all the scenario of
“oh no you stepped on a leaf
now nothing is as it was before
and the people you love suddenly don’t know who you are”
(which might be the worst thing imaginable)

what I mean is more like this:
I wake in the morning
and before my eyes open
I consciously decide that today I am going to play
in the world that is pretty much exactly like the one I know
but where I am 3% more calm and confident
where I have a little bit more of the superpower of
Oh Right I Remember That All Is Well

secret doors

then I open my eyes
because my eyes are a door
and I step into this day in this slightly-altered world
and explore

and all day I feel tingly
because I know something everyone else doesn’t:
today I’m in a different world than yesterday
getting to know what I am like
— me with this extra three percent power! —
who knows, maybe tomorrow I’ll visit the me who is slightly more adventurous
and slightly more excited about change,
I can’t mess things up
because jumping worlds like this is an experiment in
endless second chances

groundhog day

today is groundhog day
my favorite adopted holiday
because it is the day of breakfast-twice
and, yes, endless second chances

it took Bill Murray’s bitter recalcitrant meteorologist
an almost suspiciously long time to realize he could choose
any kind of second chance he wanted,
and while hollywood likes to make things about moral choices, wrong or right,
there are many beautiful choices available to us that don’t necessarily involve
Doing The Right Thing, saving lives, or Finally Opening Up To Love
though sure, all those are pretty sweet

yes, doors

there are choices — let’s call them doors — towards PLEASURE
towards PRESENCE
towards WILD TINGLY DELIGHT IN ALIVENESS

I was thinking about this over Second Breakfast today,
how we get so caught up in the rigging of the rigged game,
so devoted to believing that it’s real
that we will postpone our pleasure, our good, our health
in service of crossing things off of lists that don’t actually ever end,
or trying to meet external expectations that we don’t even agree with,
or that maybe don’t even exist, just things we perceive that other
people want us to be doing

inventory

as I prepare to exit my home,
getting quiet and naming each item I own
it becomes clear that so many belongings and treasures are not in fact mine,
in the sense that they are not true yes for me-now

I hold something in my hands and ask “whose is this?” or “who is this for?”,
and very often it turns out that
this dress belongs to past-me
this book is apparently to impress people I don’t even know
this not-quite-yes cushion is about my fear of there-won’t-be-enough-of-what-I-need
this bag is about the me who likes to escape
and this thing I never use is actually for future me,
I will gladly hold onto it for her, she whispers that she is on her way
just through another door or two
but the rest can go

this literal inventory of my space — my life — has been
powerfully revealing
and intimate, and sometimes almost unbearably
uncomfortable, both the seeing and the letting-go
and, like all things that set you free,
not always fun

yesterday

yesterday I didn’t want to get out of bed
maybe because I knew the beautiful boy was leaving town (again)
and would come to say goodbye (again)

yesterday I didn’t want to get out of bed
and had to concentrate hard on the parallel world
where I want to be awake, the world where I
trust the process of life to hold me,
and then I opened door/eyes into that world
it took a while but we made it

yesterday I put myself through the paces of my daily
dance training aka learning to be a panther,
walking my eight count patterns
from eight starting points, in eight directions,
like a spiraling labyrinth compass flower
I did this for hours
and then long shavasana on the floor
emptying and emptied

set free

this was what came to me as I lay sprawled on the living room floor

SET FREE

I love how both clear and vague this is at the same time,
an instruction, an explanation, a blessing
did it mean that I am set free (yes)
did it mean that I am to set things free (yes)
did it mean that this is what all this endless
reconfiguring of endings in my life is about (yes)

set free and be set free
be set free and set free

this is the year of easing & releasing

about to become the year of echoing & reverberating
because I begin my year on leap day
or invisible-leap-day in non-leap-years,
the door into spring and adventure

easing and releasing is about setting free
what a marvelous turn of phrase
to set something sounds like a form
and free sounds like not-a-form
to set free is to cast (also form/not-a-form) off and away
into space
the place where the doors live

what do I want to set free

other than myself
it is funny that yesterday was the passage between
the month of FREEDOM (january) and this month, the month of SANCTUARY
for the longest time I believed that
I could only ever have one
safety meant relinquishing freedom
freedom meant accepting the lack of a place to land
classic bird vs tree, false dichotomy, false choice

I want to set myself free from the notion that I must choose
between safe space and adventure
I want to inhabit the world where I contain both,
where I live both, and am gloriously unconflicted about this

I want to set free whatever holds me in the
old way of thinking, whatever bits of programming and rigging
make me think I have to adhere to expectations,
conform or pay the price

what else needs to be set free?

assumptions
jumped-conclusions
old rules
or anything else I unquestioningly believe that
limits my sense of what is possible

I set it all free, imaginary red balloons,
along with my wishes
and I step into the world where my feet trust the ground

what do I know about my wish this week

this is a wish about Less
but mainly it is a wish about doors

it is a wish for ease of transition
for softening
for some peace of mind during this very difficult-for-me time
when my list each day starts with [snack/cry]
and some days it seems like that’s the only item that gets crossed off

deep breath, deep love, deep trust
open eyes, step through,
with the superpowers of sanctuary-and-freedom,
and endless second chances

now

my kitchen looks so strange with all the art gone
the only thing left on the wall is my Year of Doors calendar
with the gorgeous door of SANCTUARY

and two cards, from the playground, the retreat center I used to run,
leaning up against the kitchen counter:
one says ALL THINGS CHANGE
the other says AND ALL WAS GOOD

I am ready to live in the world where I believe that
not just in my heart and mind, but in how I live,
not just three percent
but one hundred and twenty percent
where I live the truth of this so beautifully
that it glows

superpower of safety first

february on the 2016 fluent self calendar is the door of SANCTUARY, and the superpower is safety first

I think that my trick to getting out of bed, playing with parallel worlds, is a safety first technique, as is my rule of “there is nothing wrong with going back to bed either”

to me nothing embodies self-fluency more than the principle of safety first
any form of self-exploration or healing that doesn’t start from there
is kind of violent actually
so let’s breathe this in, with endless compassion, enough to echo out
through all those parallel worlds at once

last week’s wishes

I wished a wish about FREEDOM but I couldn’t say it because the R key on my keyboard wasn’t working, which resulted in a very entertaining wish called what fantastic unanticipated luckiness…

this worked out perfectly as it brought me to this week’s
wish about freedom,
and searching for “wait, how is this lucky” was very useful
in a week of hard and challenging things

do you want to hear a lovely story about that?

on thursday, I ran into an old waltz friend who was so happy to see me
that they paid my entry to the dance
then on sunday, a woman showed up to waltz brunch and was $7 short
guess how much I had in my pocket because I didn’t pay for the dance thursday
(yes, I have one pair of dance pants and no, I don’t wash them that often)
but the point is that I was set up to be the angel and cover the entry for a stranger,
and glow inside over how Fantastically Unexpectedly Lucky it all is…

invitation: come play with me…

you are invited to share many !!!!!! about what is here,
or share anything sparked for you while reading

deposit wishes, gwishes, superpowers, qualities, ingredients, intel, possibly in code

safe space for creative exploration asks us to let go of care-taking and advice-giving

wishes are never late because whenever you wish is the right time for wishing

here’s how we meet each other’s wishes: oh, wow what beautiful wishes

♡

Hello, week: we are here.

{a breath for being here when we get here}

Thank you, week!

This is the 392nd week in a row we are chickening here together….

What worked this week?

Morning begins at night.

Each day this week, before going to bed, I chose superpowers for tomorrow-me and put them in her journal:

“Today we have the powers of Delicious Calm, Beautifully Clear About Everything, and I Trust In My Wild Good Fortune…”

This is one of those things that is just a small, lighthearted moment when I do it, but then the next day things are mysteriously amazing.

Taking the indirect or unexpected route.

Asking “okay, what is not yes for me” ended up leading me to a VERY big yes I did not even know about, and which hadn’t surfaced at all in the many times I’d inquired about my yes.

Next time I might…

Drink more tea.

Tea helps, especially when it’s cold, and I forget this.

Naming the days.

This week was the week of Fantastic Unanticipated Luckiness, and here were the days:

Big joy. Steady panther grace. Inviting freedom. Three wishes. What great fortune. My space is treasure. Luckily, X!

Upcoming biopic if it were based on this week…

Smoke and Mirrors.

8 breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.

1. Miscommunication/misunderstanding with the beautiful boy who is in town for both not-long-enough and long-enough-to-go-into-the-worst-patterns, and always about-to-leave, big hurt feelings on my part. A comfort-acknowledgment-love breath for my vulnerable need to be special and important to this person, and for how much I wish I didn’t care about that.
2. Took three days off of training this week, which was important, but also uncomfortable. A breath of deep trust.
3. Got the estimate on replacing the sidewalk areas that were ripped up by the tree, and holy god it is a lot of money. Between that and basement fixes and figuring out plans, well, many breaths. A breath for remembering that nothing is wrong. A breath for house insurance, which covers half. A breath for All Is Well. A breath for Luckily, X. In this case, that means “Luckily, the massive tree toppling over did not destroy Richard’s car or any property at all, and really, this is remarkable good fortune.”
4. Pretty much everyone in my life went off radar this week, and it was lonely and strange. A breath for deeper trust, and for asking for what I want.
5. Wiped-out exhausted from all current projects. Emptying the house is big work. Figuring out what’s next is big work. Writing projects are big work. Dance training is kicking my ass. And so many monsters, including a new very sneaky gang who sound compassionate but actually just want to shut things down at any cost, they’re all about “well, this is just as far as you can go, you did what you could, now it’s time to let this dream go”. A breath for rest, and for Safety First.
6. This emptying work is not easy. A breath.
7. As if all the hard things aren’t enough, they were all intensified x1000 by some seriously volatile pre-moon-retreat hormonal fury. Let’s have a breath for the me who wants to destroy things.
8. Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. May peacefulness prevail. Trust-more love-more release-more receive-more. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week.

8 breaths for the good, reassuring, delight-filled.

1. The misunderstanding was dissolved swiftly, with words, presence and love, which is an amazing thing for two people to be both able and willing to do together. And then we went dancing and held each other close. A breath for healing and for things that are healing.
2. Clean slate. Powerful stuff. A breath for presence, doors, beginnings, entering as I wish to be in it.
3. Big sweetness. Such good fortune in this. A breath for being able to appreciate what is beautiful, meaningful, joyful, yes-to-me-right-now.
4. I said the things that needed saying, in the many situations that asked this of me. And it was okay. Everything was received with love, as it was intended. A breath for the healing powers of clarity.
5. I spent so much of this week doing conscious entry, and everything was about a thousand times better than it usually is. A breath for practice.
6. Dance! Training, practicing, working on foxtrot, killing it at nightclub two step, understanding what is and isn’t working in my drills. Dance was big magic this week, and now I can barely walk, but I’m okay with that. A breath for pleasure and for the transformative powers of the slow motion montage.
7. My house is now 99% empty of things that are not true-yes, and this changes the air, and the happy hum is back. A breath of This Is Right.
8. Thankfulness. Treasure in the form of wild rice with sauteed sweet peas, more light in the days, clues everywhere, and an absolutely amazing day of space-clearing with Jill (highly recommended!). Everything is okay and so much is good. Nothing is wrong, even when I want to believe it is. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. Thank you for this grand adventure. A full breath of deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.

Sparklepoints, superpowers, salve, fake band of the week!

Current ops and forward movement!

The Namer Names, Wild Montage, The Studio Op, and getting ready for the Fountaining op. Incremental progress (and yes, luckiness) on everything. Thank you, fractal flowers.

I am bestowing vast quantities of sparklepoints upon myself like a fairground stripper, and you are welcome to do the same for you.

Superpowers I had this week…

Last week I asked for the powers of I Am So Good At Easing & Releasing, New Ways Of Seeing Freedom, unfettered joy, and a thing that is like colliding wish magic but specifically for when I have a No to something, other people feel relieved that this is my no, or maybe I am okay with them not liking it, or some form of It All Works Out So Well and There Was Nothing To Worry About, Of Course!

Got all of these, especially the one about Freedom! And I also had the power of [Luckily, X] aka seeing good fortune everywhere, which is the best.

Powers I want.

I want the powers of Beautifully Clear, Easily Releasing, Of Course I Live In A Wishing Hotel, and I Trust In My Wild Good Fortune. As well as the power of happily asking for (naming, claiming, inviting, invoking, throwing into the pot) even more superpowers, a glorious abundance of superpowers!

The Salve of Luckily, X

When you wear this salve, it’s not so much that things get rose-colored as that they stop being muddy. Suddenly the situation that seemed impossible, frustrating or unlucky begins to reveal its hidden treasures. You pause, breathe, stop clicking, unplug, get on the floor, laugh.

This salve is made of equal parts Trust, Wonder, Pleasure, Self-Treasuring, Miracles, Sweetness, Grace and Thank you.

Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!

This week’s band is:

Mildly Bionic

Their latest album is Just Like You But More Dangerous, and it turns out this band is just one guy.

TWO ANNOUNCEMENTS!

We are doing some reconfiguring and Congruencing, and the shop will disappear soon, so if there was something you wanted to buy, go ahead and do that before it’s gone. More explanations about [reasons] to come, but it’s all good stuff, and if something is speaking to you, this is a good time.

How was your week?

Come play in the comments. Share something from your week, take a breath, or just say hi! No rules, my format doesn’t have to be yours, we’ve been doing this every week for years now and there still isn’t a right way.

Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We lovingly refrain from giving advice.

And of course it’s always okay to comment under a made-up name, whether for play and delight, or in the interest of Safety First.

Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.

It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — jump in whenever you like. Blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers too!