What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
38 Yawns
Setting off.
I wrote this piece six weeks ago, on the night the boy and I left Portland for Operation True Yes, six months of wandering.
It was Erev, the Eve of, and specifically the Eve of Yeses.
The embarking, the setting off.
Two hours out.
We were two hours out of Portland, and suddenly I was yawning and couldn’t stop.
There were reasons for this, for example, having been awake until 3:30am that morning. Or the weeks of seemingly endless releasing preceding our exit. Or the way my body had calmly informed me that if I didn’t stop working, it would stop things for me.
And at the same time, the yawning — this particular yawning — seemed like it might be trying to get my attention.
I decided to pretend that I am the Queen of Yawning, that I know everything there is to know about lovingly presiding over the vast kingdom of yawning.
And then I pulled out my laptop and started documenting this knowledge, pulling from the sea of wisdom that is the boundary of my kingdom.
Here is what I wrote….
What do I know?
- Yawning says hey brain would you like some more oxygen?
- This means yawning is a reminder to take deeper and more refreshing breaths.
- Yawing actually is like a reset button for the nervous system! A feldenkrais person told me that, and it makes sense.
- Yawning is how the body does transitions. We yawn when we wake up and stretch, and when our body is tired and wants rest.
- Yawning does not have to mean tired, nor does it necessarily mean bored, this is a common and ridiculous misunderstanding in our culture. People do big conclusion-jumping when they encounter yawning, and get lost in thinking Shit Is About Them When Shit Is Not About Them. Oh, your body needed to do some releasing? Clearly you must think I’m not very interesting. How did we ever get to that? Why do we not challenge this?
- Yawning is fun! You can make all kinds of sound effects and expansive movements.
- Yawning and expansiveness go together. It is actually very difficult (for me) to yawn if I am curled inward or contracting. Try it for yourself!
- At Rally (Rally!) and the retreats I used to run, we turn yawning into a ritual. Both for transitioning (out of conducting, into something else), and for the fun.
- We do yawning sound effects! We yawn loudly. We do a tiny baby chipmunk yawn and a secret stealth ninja yawn. We yawn like cowboys and we yawn like bashful hippos.
- When you yawn a lot, tears start coming. Releasing!
- My former mentor has a technique that involves yawning for twenty minutes straight. It’s more complicated than that, but one of the the things that invariably happens is that everyone in the room starts crying. Not that they are sad, just that tears start to come fast and furious from the yawns, and everyone’s faces are soaked in tears. Afterwards you feel amazing, like not just your nervous system got reset.
- In Ounce Dice Trice, one of my favorite books of all time, the sound of a yawn is HARROWOLLOWORRAH.
- This is how everyone in my family yawns. The HARROWOLLOWORRAH is to yawns what bear hugs are to hugs.
- In Hebrew, the word for yawn is pihuk, which is just the cutest word ever. Hebrew is big on onomatopoeia, so of course the word for yawn sounds like a yawn. It’s almost as if the name for yawn (which also sounds like a yawn) was actually HARROWOLLOWORRAH.
- In Dr. Seuss’s Sleep Book, there are wonderful yawning creatures, my favorites are the Foona Lagoona Baboona. I think of them a lot. This is a book that celebrates yawning:
The news just came in
from the County of Keck
That a very small bug
by the name of Van Vleck
is yawning so wide
you can look down his neck. - Opening the mouth wide to yawn releases the jaw, which is where most of us hold lots of tension. So yawning requires a relaxation and a softening.
- Even though everyone says that the point of yawning is to bring in more air, so often when I yawn I have the momentary physical perception that I can’t get enough air.
- I am not sure why we have this cultural idea about covering the mouth while yawning. I get why we do that for coughing, to not get our saliva and germs on someone. But yawning. Yawning is beautiful. Look at my glorious mouth! Look at my wise, wonderful body resetting my nervous system for me! Look at this lion-like power of release.
- In a way a yawn is a lot like a silent scream. Silent Screaming is a technique Barbara Sher teaches that I find very helpful. It’s for when you’re going through big emotion, but you’re in public and can’t actually scream and throw a good fit. You hide in the bathroom, and you scream ten times, but without actually screaming. You open your mouth like a scream, and then you breathe the scream out. You have to do it ten times. The reason for this is generally you start feeling better around yawn 6, so you think, okay I’m done, I can stop now. Except you aren’t. Ten is good. More works too. It is very rare that I need more.
- It is actually kind of shocking to me how effective Silent Screaming is.
- Yawning can function as a sign that something has shifted in the body-mind. When I go to see Wally for bodywork and I get on the table, I immediately begin to yawn. So does everyone else, according to him. And when he does something that has a strong effect, the yawns are there too.
- When I do energy work with clients, the yawning starts for them when something has moved or opened or let go. And when Richard does acupressure on me, I start yawning at the beginning, and then again when something has changed in my internal landscape.
- So yawns are really a clue. They tell me where to look.
- Circling back to #5, it is really bizarre (to me) that people take yawning personally, that they think if you yawn, you must be bored because they are so boring. I mean, they’re human beings who yawn just like everyone else. They must have noticed that it doesn’t only happen when you’re tired, that yawns vary, just like people.
- When did a yawn become the sign for boring. If anything, I yawn at happy times, when I am very engaged. It’s like the yawn is helping me process, let more in.
- The only negative associations I have with yawning are from school, and then they really did seem to be boredom yawns. Except in retrospect, I look at still-growing-me, and am in shock that she managed to function at all. I mean, she woke up very early to get ready for school. It was usually still dark when she arrived. She wasn’t getting nearly enough sleep or rest. Her after-school time was full of doing. School itself was incredibly taxing and overwhelming — physically, emotionally and energetically. It was not an easy place for an eccentric empathic HSP introvert, and she couldn’t have known any of those things about herself so she couldn’t have known how going to school was sapping her powers. Of course she was yawning all the time. It wasn’t out of boredom, though yes, she was probably bored. It was another sign that her body-mind was in distress and craving downtime.
- You can yawn qualities. Just think a quality, for example, Peacefulness. And yawn it in. You can bring in peacefulness on the inhalation, and release/glow peacefulness into your space and the world as you yawn-exhale it out. Yawning can be so many things, in so many ways. Triumphant! Curious. Sleepy. Calm. Peaceful. Liberating. You can yawn your way back to presence. HARROWOLLOWORRAH.
- In yoga, there is this concept of secondary energy. There are the big body ways of releasing, and then there are the smaller ways, like yawning. Farting is secondary energy too. If you ever fart or burp, just say “SECONDARY ENERGY! My body is releasing!”
- Try yawning as loudly and obnoxiously as possible. Right now. It’s fun. Sometimes also really uncomfortable. Experiment. See what it is like to yawn like this while lying down on the floor with your eyes closed versus walking briskly around the room. Try both. Mix it up. Be a Loud Yawner. Wave your arms around like pinwheels. My parents both used to do that. Add some HARROWOLLOWORRAH with style. In a grand fashion!
- Yawning is related to the fifth chakra, vishuddi chakra. This is the symbolic energy center for communication, insight, persuasion, confidence, creative play, language. It connects the heart and the head. It is a witchy place, and a beautiful flower.
- Sigal, my yoga teacher in Tel Aviv, used to lead these intense afternoons in her apartment once a month. She called it shabatirgul, a kind of made-up smooshed-together compound word: sabbath-practice. Two hours of physical practice and meditation, followed by an hour of what you might call life-yoga, and then a meal. Whenever I remember these days, my heart wells up with love. One time, during the life-applications-of-yoga part, she had us act out improvisational scenes with each other, playing the characters through the qualities of the chakras. Like, “Okay, you’re third and she’s sixth, and you’re breaking up: go!” “You’re the boss and you’re first, you’re the employee who’s asking for a raise and you’re fourth, go!
- Whenever someone was assigned to be five, aka visshudi chakra, and they didn’t know how to play the part, Sigal would say, just do what Havi would do, Havi is the most five I have ever met, she’s ALL five. And everyone would go, oh okay sure, that’s easy, just be Havi. And I would think, wait, what is happening.
- Maybe, like yawning, I am too close to it.
- Yawning is pretty much the one thing in modern life that doesn’t come with devices. There are products, applications and services to help people sleep better, eat better, have better sex. Where are the products designed to improve the quality of our yawns, where is the viagra of yawning?
- Yawning is the spice of life. Yawning celebrates aliveness.
- Once my former playmate from the enchanted forest told me that I yawn like a kitten. He said, It’s because of your tiny nose, do it again, yawn again please!
- Yawning goes with stretching like peanut butter and chocolate.
- There is always more to let go of, isn’t there.
What does the queen of yawning require?
Calming smelling salts. The softest cushions. A Wonderful Bed.
This makes me think of the Hotel Elliott in Astoria, Oregon, that’s their tagline. Wonderful Beds.
If I had a hotel, the tagline would be HARROWOLLOWORRAH. But that’s just me.
It is difficult to talk yawns without making puns.
I was raised in a family where communication was kind of a mess, but the one thing we all shared was a love of word play.
Very rarely do I miss anything about my family, but right now I wouldn’t mind having them around because it would be fun to play with yawn.
I imagine that my brother would say, But where do the yawns go when they’re done? Into the Great Beyond (Be-Yawned).
Someone else, my mother probably, would do something with Hither and Yawn.
My father would ask, Who was that Ingenious and Very Tired Gentleman who sets out to bring justice to the world? Yawn Quixote.
I would probably bring up that one soap opera that takes place at a research center for narcolepsy: The Yawn and the Restless.
Things would continue in this vein until someone would finally say, Which president tried to outlaw yawning? And then we’d all say, in unison, Herbert Hoover!
Ah. Of course. Yawn is a why word.
That is to say, a Y word.
When we did the year of Alphabet Rallies, Y stood for Yes.
We would say, Y is for YES and Why is for YES.
There weren’t a lot of Y words, but they were luscious.
Yellow. Yay. Yearn. Yoga. Yum.
And, of course, of course, yawn.
Let’s have eight yawns for the compass!
North: I yawn the yawn of Courage.
Northeast: I yawn the yawn of Play.
East: I yawn the yawn of Presence.
Southeast: I yawn the yawn of Releasing
South: I yawn the yawn of Beautifully Anchored.
Southwest: I yawn the yawn of Serendipity.
West: I yawn the yawn of Reverberating.
Northwest: I yawn the yawn of Energy.
May it be so! And come play with me.
This has been a channelling of the sea of wisdom on the subject of yawning, which also turned out to be a secret meditation on words that begin with Y.
Let’s have lots of yawning today. And if you know any good Y words (like yestertempest, yomp, and yttriferous!), and want to yell them out, go for it.
And of course you can share stories about yawns, anything sparked for you, more yawning sound effects, favorite Dr. Seuss Sleep Book quotes, yawn puns, or hearts and pebbles.
Love from my thank you heart to all my yawning companions. It’s much more fun having company.
Wish 303: new under the sun
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
♡
Yes.
This the seventh week of Operation True Yes, where I am learning to say yes to my yes and no to my no. I am learning to be the person who trusts her yes.
One of the most interesting things about this experiment has been noticing just how often I try to override body intel with logic. And how often I succeed. Haha, if by “succeed”, you mean silence my truth.
And now this isn’t working any more.
Mostly, I think, because of this strong — and semi-terrifying — commitment I’ve made to listening to yes and living by the c*.
There’s another reason too.
This is probably related to the above, but lately it just seems like my intel about my YES and my NO is getting louder by the minute.
Especially the NO.
Though as TJ wisely reminded me this week: Yes evolves. No no no is a no.
We can focus on the NO, and that will lead us to YES.
So here I am, with these loud, clear, obvious NOs that have been NO for years, except I haven’t let myself hear them until now.
I want to play with a relatively small example of this right now, because that seems like the least overwhelming way to approach this.
And also because I have a sneaking suspicion that there is no such thing as a small NO. The small ones are part of the big ones.
And maybe solving this mystery can shed some light on the other mysteries (principle of fractal flowers!), and at the very least this mystery can stand in for all the other mysteries (principle of proxies).
Sunscreen.
I really enjoy walking in the sun. I really don’t like getting burnt. So, you know, sunscreen: it’s a thing.
And yet every time I put it on, my body says ugh this is not good for us.
It was only this week that I really heard this NO, only to realize I’ve actually been hearing this for years, but I just immediately bulldoze past it because I don’t want to stay inside and I don’t want a sunburn, and ohmygod fear-fear-fear about something bad happening.
So I put it on anyway, and I pretend that my dislike is aesthetic, or that it’s about the texture or the smell, when it’s actually so much deeper than that.
Or I start thinking about what a pain it is to have to Do A Thing before going outside, or how cosmically unfair it is that the human body is designed in such a way that you need someone else to put sunscreen your back, and how this is yet another thing that is totally rigged to support people who are in relationships, and I don’t want to be in a relationship but I like having someone in my life who can put sunscreen on me, and toot toot this train of thought has left the station.
Anyway, the point is that logic and internal finger-wagging always wins: “You have very light, sensitive skin and don’t want sunburn, so put on the damn sunscreen already.”
But this week I finally heard it in a way I can’t unhear it: This is not good for me.
So I listened.
I said, Hey body, I hear what you’re saying. You don’t want this. Let’s find a new way.
And my body instantly relaxed.
I started wondering why my body wouldn’t like sunscreen, and then suddenly I had to laugh because really, how could any of our bodies really truly be okay with sunscreens.
I mean, they come in plastic bottles and are full of chemicals.
In fact, when I started researching this, I was amazed (and then not amazed at all, because really, so many things in this world of ours are twisted and distorted) at how dangerous sunscreen actually is.
It’s pretty damn hard to find sunscreen without chemicals, toxins, alcohol, petroleum and petro-chemicals, genetically modified substances, parabens, phthlalates, sulfates, PABA, preservatives, titanium dioxide, triclosan, artificial coloring and synthetic fragrances.
And then try to find one not in a plastic tube, even harder.
So yes, my body is no idiot.
The mystery, and the options.
My body is giving me a clear no, and it’s my mission right now to trust and respect this kind of internal intel.
And, without sunscreen, I’m going to get toasty, and my body doesn’t want that either.
I started investigating naturally occurring plant sunscreens and looking up recipes to make my own — recipes that don’t involve double-broiler, because I live in a tiny camper. Turns out lots of people have already been thinking this way.
Actually I think I’m going to start with this etsy version, mainly because they let you send back your jar for refills.
And then I discovered that you can use organic carrot seed oil, which apparently has an SPF of 38-40. I used to use that anyway as my moisturizer. It is not the cheapest but you can mix it with coconut oil.
Body says yes to this and to floppy hat and to covering up shoulders when out for long walks, and to Vitamin D from the sun, and to frolicking joyfully.
And both my body and I like the idea of this solution (double meaning) living in a glass jar, and not bringing more plastic into our lives.
And then the YES sparks started coming.
YES to living in a place that gets more sun, a place where my body can generate adequate vitamin D all year round:
”Large amounts of vitamin D3 (cholecalciferol) are made in your skin when you expose all of your body to summer sun. This happens very quickly; around half the time it takes for your skin to turn pink and begin to burn. This could be just 15 minutes for a very fair skinned person,
Exposing your skin for a short time will make all the vitamin D your body can produce in one day. In fact, your body can produce 10,000 to 25,000 IU of vitamin D in just a little under the time it takes for your skin to turn pink.”
YES to making more of my own lotions and potions.
YES to making my own bug spray! Did you know you can make bug spray that isn’t toxic and horrible? I did not, and yet of course, that seems obvious now.
YES to the clean bin project.
YES to sun and yes to moon, and to being closer to both of them (but/and also safe, protected, happy skin).
YES to being amazed and excited about all of this, and things related to it, and to never having to buy — or smell — commercial sun screen or bug spray poison again.
YES to being much more conscious about what I am putting on myself, and, more importantly, what I am putting up with because I perceive that there isn’t another option. Yes to believing that there are other options and looking for them!
What do I know about my wish?
It’s about options and possibilities.
It’s about seeing past assumptions and walls.
It’s about creativity and play.
And…
I miss her, and also writing is easier without her, those things can exist simultaneously.
What else do I know about this?
I have an astonishing (to me) number of monsters who think that this is a boring, indulgent wish that only the most privileged person could possibly be concerned with.
So. Let’s look at that. Yes, I have a wonderful amount of magic beans that allow me to think about things other than survival right now. And, being someone who remembers what it is like to be only concerned with survival, I can say unequivocally that this is better. Thank you, magic beans of privilege.
I can also hear wise me whispering that getting vital intel from my body and finding new ways to take care of it and myself is one of the most important and purposeful things I could be doing right now.
And actually I now see that this is something that has always been available to me, even in the roughest of life situations. If anything, a little more body-listening might have done me some good during those tough times, though of course I understand that I wasn’t in the head-space to be able to consider trusting myself, and that’s okay too.
Past-me was doing everything she could, she was living by her instincts and she got me here and I love her forever. And now I am experimenting with a new level of living by my instincts, and that is what is right for now.
Anything else about this?
Trust. Release. Love. Receive. Anchor. Crown. Glow. Boldly.
Ah yes, that.
Now.
The moon has been in the sky all day, along with the sun. A beautiful, perfect quarter moon, halfway between new and full.
Blue sky, cool breeze, tiny little yellow flowers everywhere, a true yes of a day.
The book my housemate gave me as a gift for Operation True Yes is open on my lap, and I feel peaceful and something more zippy than peaceful: sparks of excitement for what is coming.
Me: Hey, slightly-wiser me, what do you have for me?
She: This is the exact right moment to be letting your body take the lead so you can follow its cues. I am so happy about this: it is the time for listening and you are listening, and I love you so much.
Me: I have Ludicrous Fear Popcorn that I’ve screwed this all up and I should have listened to this years ago and now it’s too late.
She: Nonsense. This is the perfect moment for all of this. You wouldn’t have been able to put all the pieces together before anyway. This is right, and you are my sweet beautiful love, so fill up on love, and kiss your palms, like at Rally.
Clues?
A Liz Clairborne ad said joy promotes joy, employ it in abundance. While I had a visceral no about this sentiment being used for Buy Our Stuff, Get More Stuff, I love both of these phrases and the combination of them.
Joy does promote joy. And employing things in abundance is a wonderful turn of phrase. This is exactly what I want to do with warm, glowing, out-in-the-sun energy.
The superpower of I have everything I need for this.
The quality for April is ADVENTURE, and it comes with the marvelous superpower of I have everything I need for this. May it be so.
This wasn’t at all the kind of adventure I had in mind, but yes, this is an adventure, and I feel joy sparks. And I love the reminder that I have what I need.
Things I find helpful for intentions and wishes…
Adventure. Rest. Horizons. Security. Passion. Sweetness. Clarity. Presence.
Ongoing wishes and seeds planted without explanation.
Everything is easier than I thought, and look, miracles everywhere. Ha, this doesn’t require my input! My business is thriving happily without me. It’s so perfect it turned out like this. Past me is a GENIUS. I have what I need, and appreciate it. I am fearless and confident. I state my preferences clearly, calmly and easily, no big deal.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
So. Last week, aka Not throwing…
First of all let me just say how funny it is that a wish about not throwing turned into a wish about not throwing away…
And I will also note that I was surprisingly chill about money this week, and my monsters no longer think it’s wasteful that I don’t need the plane ticket anymore, and I think some good seeds were planted here. Let’s see how it develops!
Attenzione! Attention, AGENTS.
I believe the Playground mugs are all sold but you can still acquire a pack of stone skipping cards just send a note and we’ll set it up. Ask Richard for cost/shipping.
Keep me company! Or just say hi!
This is an open invitation to deposit wishes, gwishes, personal ads, superpowers, qualities, whatever you’d like, there’s no right way! Updates on past experiments are welcome too, as is sharing anything sparked for you.
Comment culture: This is safe space for creative exploration. We are on vacation from care-taking and advice-giving. We are here to play and throw things in the pot! With amnesty. Leave a wish any time you want. For vulnerable wishes, you can always employ secret code or call silent retreat…
Here’s how we meet each other’s wishes: Oh, wow. What beautiful wishes.
xox
Chicken 352: I read the script
It is Friday and we are here.
{a breath for Friday.}
Somehow I spent all of today until just now believing it was Thursday, and wondering why it felt like Friday. I think that must be a good sign that this sabbatical thing is working. I can feel the resting points declaring themselves, but also I have no sense of time. This is kind of great.
What worked this week?
Attentiveness.
As I shared last week, I’ve been starting each day by asking “What do I want” over and over again in my journal. My monsters had a lot of objections to this, they think the practice/question is shallow and self-centered and greedy, and all the usual objections.
They are placated when asking the question reveals something especially useful or wise. And they are appalled when it reveals something they think is embarrassing.
One morning, the answer wasn’t deep or profound. It was, “I want a pedicure and this is important and I want it today.”
This desire was immediately met with huge resistance, but I’ve been committing to being attentive to internal intel as part of Shmita and Operation True Yes, so after some negotiationg, I went ahead and made this happen.
The color I chose for my toenails was a sparkly wine-red called I RED the Script.
And then, miraculously, I suddenly had the superpower of having already read the script, and it changed all my interactions this week. I was able to extricate myself neatly from potentially problematic situations by reminding myself that I’d already read the script.
Turns out having read the script makes it easier to say no to a no and yes to a yes. And when I am attentive, someone else’s behavior tells me what their character is likely to do further along in the plot.
So thank you, attentiveness, for leading me to the pedicure place and guiding me to the color that was a secret superpower. And for showing me why it’s good to say no now, and not follow the script.
Next time I might…
Go for a walk.
Everything that was not good this week became not-good when I was inside and sitting and not moving.
Sometimes on transit days, we are just trying to get some internet and figure out laundry, and it seems like there isn’t time. Except of course there is time.
Eight breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
- Realized all my stuff from last week with the person who crossed a boundary is about CONSENT. Much contemplation about the mysteries related to my relationships with people who do not grasp or respect consent. A breath for sovereignty, and for glowingly healthy boundaries.
- Figuring out this situation where someone I do not trust is a long time friend of one of my favorite people. There is no room in my life for people who can’t be trusted, and yet, this person is going to be around, how do we navigate this? A breath for clarity.
- On the day when I suddenly needed a hotel, the one place available quoted me a price that was so outlandishly high that you’d think the entire building would freeze and there would be a collective universal intake of breath at the audacity of this. A breath for me, and for the challenge of remembering that everything that is against me is an illusion.
- Somehow just as my knee healed, I injured my pinkie toe, and it has been letting me know that certain forms of movement are uncomfortable. A breath for healing.
- I haven’t been having nightmares on this trip, which has been so amazing, and then when I had a potentially scary dream which didn’t go in that direction, I had big hopes that maybe we’re in new territory. But then Wednesday night I had a bad dream in which I was attacked by a man in a bathroom, so that was not fun, and somehow extra-distressing because I had been feeling so hopeful. A breath for the process of healing, which is what it is.
- Somehow all my writing time just turns into Logisticking time, as one change of plans begets another change of plans. I’m not even sure how, but I was on the stupid computer all week and not for any of the things I want to be doing. A breath for a clean cut through this.
- I made a move on the unresolved situation in the building where the Playground lived, and did not get the response I was hoping for. A breath for the right wind to blow out whatever sticky cobwebs are left and to blow in some clarity.
- Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week. May I choose to trust-more love-more release-more receive-more.
Eight breaths of good, reassuring, delight-filled.
- Guess what! In my nightmare, for the first time ever in one of these dreams, I responded (inside the dream) completely differently than I ever have before, and instead of waking up screaming in terror and not able to breathe, aka the usual pattern, I woke up feeling like a badass with skills, strength and power. Hey, we’re at a new place in the video game and this is so good. A breath for things can change, because they can, and they do.
- Turns out that the same person who unblinkingly quoted you an outrageous hotel room price can also equally unblinkingly knock $50 off the same room if you ask them for something better. I have learned this before but I forget it. Also the room turned out to have a balcony with an absolutely breathtaking view. And a gigantic whirlpool bath. And a full kitchen. And a couch. So let’s have a breath for beautiful miracles and the superpower of Good Surprises.
- I had a long talk with the beautiful boy about something that was upsetting me, and he was so present and loving and understanding and kind. A breath for this being my life now, and how this is such a healing for past experiences
- I was able to laugh at abrupt changes in the script this week. It started when I learned the last leg of my trip next month — Operation Adventures in Reverberation — had been abruptly canceled on me due to some obscure federal law that no one knew about. This is hilarious, and such a moment of hologram-shifting. Or really, a Truman Show moment of “whoops we can’t let our hero off the island, let’s come up with something fast”. It is so very ridiculous that I am in massive admiration and appreciation for this sudden change of plans. Normally I would be shaking my fists at the sky about my adventure suddenly being messed with, and the cosmic raining on parades, but right now I am just appreciating the Redirection. A breath for I am a grand adventuress and I am ready for this new adventure.
- My lover climbing out of bed in the camper and finding me “at work” and laughing happily in my ear: “You have wild eccentric writer hair and you’re in your underthings, typing away clicketty-clack, and you are cute and sexy and hot and odd and wonderful, and this life here makes me happy.” A breath for how quickly my big and seemingly impossible life wish (revealed on our last trip in November) of Run Away And Do Nothing And Just Be A Eccentric Writer came into fruition.
- We walked for an hour in the evening in my favorite state park and SAW A BEAR WHO ALSO SAW US — the bear did a much better job than I did of acting like this was no big deal, and we danced country two step between the trees, and then I received a lesson in grounding from a gigantic sequoia, and that was all pretty amazing. A breath for all of this, and for all forms of adventuring.
- I am learning so much about Adventure. For example, how hilarious it is that I thought this six month road trip was the adventure. A breath for how happy I am, and for “how did we ever pull this off!”.
- Thankfulness. So much is good. I am learning so much about no and about yes and about adventuring. Back to the hills and our sweet evening walks. Everything is okay. Nothing is wrong. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. Thankful for joy, presence, grace, pleasure, peanut butter, Shmita and this grand adventure. A full breath of deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.
Wham booms, wisdom, superpowers, salve and FBOTW!
Operations completed. Wham boom!
Rewrote the about page and all my various bios in the various places. Did a lot of thinking about what I want. Pieced together some pieces. Made the list I hadn’t wanted to make. Finalized the plans for Operation Adventures in Reverberating. Figured out timetables for the summer. Actually a surprising amount got done this week.Thank you fractal flowers, thank you Shmita, thank you Switch/Swoop. Wham Boom.
Superpowers I had this week…
I had the superpowers of laughing at clues, inventing imaginary ice cream and the power of Knowing What I Don’t Want.
Powers I want.
The superpower of Joyfully Skipping — in the sense of letting things go and also not doing, and also playing hooky, and also the buoyant body sensation of skipping down a hillside in the best mood ever.
And the superpower of easily holding everyone accountable.
Also the superpower of All Obstacles Quickly Reveal Themselves As Not Obstacles, And I Say Thank You Before During And After.
The Salve of There Are No Obstacles.
This is one of those tricksy metaphysical salves — it has an iridescent quality to it so it looks like water and then like metal, and while you’re trying to figure out what’s going on, it’s already absorbed deep into your being, dissolving paradoxes and generating new ones.
At first when I wear this salve, I begin to see openings and possibilities: the fascinating variety of ways that my obstacles might turn out not to be obstacles.
And then in a flash I see how maybe they weren’t obstacles to begin with.
Sometimes this salve requires immense amounts of trust, and several naps. You have to give it a few days, or longer, but you only think you do, because the magic is happening under the surface and also it doesn’t need to happen under the surface, because it already happened, it’s already done.
The best part of this salve is the way it streams in other qualities, like vitality, courage, wonder, appreciation and laughter.
It comes in a shell, which you can tuck under your pillow to release obstacles — that is to say, obstacles that never were, the perception of obstacles! — while you sleep…
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
This week’s band comes to us by way of the horrible color that twitter and Facebook and all these sites use, they’re called Allergic To Blue. Their music is like Daft Punk meets Jacques Brel, but all in 3:4 time. And as it turns out, it’s just one guy.
And my upcoming Biopic…
She Really Loves Peanut Butter. The Havi Brooks Story.
Attenzione! Attention, AGENTS.
I am recommending the Emergency Get Calm, Quiet And Steady techniques, aka the thing that keeps me from falling apart.
Come play if you like…
Join me in the comments. Some of us share hard and good, some of us say hi, or maybe we’re feeling quiet. My ritual doesn’t have to be your ritual. Whatever works for you. We’ve been doing this every week for years now and there still isn’t a right way. Feel free to leave pebbles (or petals!), hearts, warmth, sweetness. Those always work.
Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We don’t give advice.
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever you like. Blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers too!
Solving for X with kisses
The dream.
In my dream I was supposed to meet someone, he was going to come pick me up at my hotel room and we were going to go out. I knew him somewhat well, not very well.
I mean, clearly it was someone I felt comfortable with, because otherwise I would have arranged to meet him in the lobby or at the place we were going.
There was time left before he was scheduled to arrive. I was taking a shower, it was a very leisurely dream, and then I stepped out of the shower, wrapped in a soft white towel, and he was in the hotel room.
Inside of the dream, a backstory for how he had been able to do this was immediately supplied, the details of which now seem hazy to me: he was a magician? Something like that?
Somehow, it now seemed, I had known in advance that he had this ability to get through locked doors. And I had either forgotten this rather vital piece of intel, or I had trusted that he wouldn’t, because, well, because that’s creepy and obnoxious and not okay.
At any rate, I was taken aback that he was inside my room, but he seemed to think this shouldn’t surprise or alarm me at all.
The mystery, part I.
Okay, and now I have to step out of the story of the dream for a moment to talk about how weird this part is.
I’ve been through a wide variety of not particularly fun things in life, and sometimes I have night terrors, awful dreams about being attacked, and sometimes I wake up screaming.
This is enough of a thing that I can’t share hotel rooms at dance conventions, and that I have a fairly long document which I wrote a few years ago called How A Bell Works, given to anyone I trust enough to share space with me, detailing what might happen during the night and what to do when that happens. Well, mainly what not to do.
So I would have expected — and here “I” refers to both awake-me and dream-me — that this dream would have taken a turn for the traumatic, given how it started.
But it didn’t. I mean, not in that way.
Now.
[As I was typing this, my lover, who has the superpower of reading emotional undercurrents inside of my quiet, spontaneously came over and wrapped his arms around me. He stayed there for a while and whispered “beautiful girl” in my ear, and then I felt wonderfully peaceful again. He is, as one of my friends likes to say, very good.]
Back to the dream.
Here’s what happened.
This guy I was meeting went on the offensive (or is that the defensive?), and immediately went into a very vocal panic about how he felt uncomfortable hanging out with me.
Like, he hadn’t thought this was a date, and why was I making it seem like a date, and who showers right before going out unless it’s a date, and why had I invited him to my room, and he wasn’t ready for this level of intimacy, and obviously I wanted sex, and how could I make this kind of assumption and he didn’t know what he wanted, etc.
So here I am in the dream, trying to be calm and reasonable and steady.
Making rational points:
I had no such intention. This is not a date. Showering is a thing people do for a variety of reasons, like getting clean or washing off stress hormones or just because it is comforting, or as a transition between the work day and going out. Of course if I were ever to become interested in him, I would communicate that clearly because that’s what I do, and that isn’t the case at the moment, and this is all a misunderstanding.
And then I woke up. It was Tuesday morning, and I was laughing.
Yes, I woke up laughing. It was kind of a bitter laugh, but laughing is still infinitely preferable to screaming, so here’s to laughing.
Laughing.
This dream is very much related to one of the biggest mysteries in my life at present, which is the mystery of why I don’t respond to a crossed boundary, even though someone has just crossed that boundary in an absolutely egregious way.
Why would dream-me even bother trying to reassure this guy of her intentions, when he’s the creep who just used trickery to enter her hotel room without permission?
Why is she so invested in demonstrating what a good, trustworthy person she is when this guy just did something shockingly inappropriate?
Why isn’t she responding to — or even mentioning — what a horrifying breach of basic human decency it is to unlawfully let yourself into someone’s space just because you can?
Why isn’t she pointing out that entering someone’s private space without consent is unthinkable.
That’s where the laughter comes in. How is it that I am so dedicated to protecting myself from being misunderstood, and often so completely disastrous at the kind of self-protection that is enforcing boundaries when other people are being wildly inappropriate.
That’s the mystery. Well, that’s one of the mysteries.
Parallel.
The dream is an excellent parallel to a current situation, where someone recently did something completely uncalled-for, and I didn’t react at all, other than to remove myself from the person’s company.
My usual theory on this mystery is self-defense: I go into placating mode when I perceive that someone is (potentially) dangerous. This is child mode, really: Please like me. Please don’t hurt me. I’m not going to make trouble. Just leave me alone.
Ever since this latest situation last week, I have been remembering other situations in my life that followed this formula of Someone Does Something That Is Intensely Not Okay and I Act Like It’s No Big Deal, either because I don’t want to be misunderstood, or because I think I will be safer if I don’t react.
Another memory.
Dani and Havi had known each other for a few years, can we say that there was intimacy without closeness? They got along very well, and had been through some shared experiences which brought them together, and there was trust, but it wasn’t like they were really friends.
Havi ran into Dani and he let her stay at his place that night because she had nowhere to sleep. And then he took fifty shekels from her wallet which was sitting on his table with her phone while she was in the other room, and went out and bought a thing which was kind-of sort-of for both of them but really for him, and assumed she would be okay with it.
She didn’t want to say how not okay with it she was.
As it happened, this was her LAST fifty shekels in the world, and she had so much shame about this part of it that it didn’t even occur to her to say, dude you can’t just take my money without asking me if it’s okay.
She wanted to be someone who had enough money that it didn’t matter if someone took some.
And she wanted this so badly that it didn’t occur to her that even if she had endless money, it is never okay to just go through someone’s wallet and take their money.
(Unless you have already obtained consent, or your relationship has already established blanket consent about sharing money all the time without asking, I’m not sure why this would ever be a good idea, but people vary, and I can imagine this as a theoretical construct.)
So it’s a pretty good mystery.
An ongoing mystery, which showed up again last week in the form of someone crossing a big boundary, and then again in this wonderfully problematic dream.
Here’s something I know about mysteries, and about recurring themes.
If something keeps showing up in my life, it wants resolution.
It’s like life is trying to support me in getting through the next level of the video game, which means it’s time to try things I haven’t tried before, and react in the ways I’ve never reacted before.
Solving for X.
During the Alphabet Rallies, X was, of course, the Week of Mystery.
We solved for X.
We let X be the variable. The unknown.
Whenever we didn’t know what to do or say, we named an X, and then started investigating the mysteries.
Here’s how you might investigate a mystery.
Or at least, here’s how I do it.
- Safety First! This might mean a proxy, a new metaphor, a Negotiator, using a coloring book, creating safe rooms, whatever helps. We play at the edges. Anyone who tells you the only way out is through doesn’t know about the magic in the deep work of intentionally mapping around, above and under, or the wonderful art of sneaking past. Which, okay, is another form of through, but the point is, there are always less painful options of through.
- Permission to take care of myself.
- Gathering intel in the safest ways possible. Skipping stones. Talking to Slightly Wiser Me. Using third-person.
- Acknowledgement and Legitimacy: the things I am feeling are normal and understandable! Even if I don’t know why! The patterns I am following make sense! There is nothing wrong with me for automatically going down familiar neural pathways.
- Looking for clues.
- Mapping the patterns.
- Noting the points where it’s easiest to make One Tiny Change.
- Making One Tiny Change. And observing a pattern counts as a change to the pattern, so even if I can’t do anything else differently right now, I’m still making progress.
- Taking notes about what worked.
- High-fives! Good work, team! Bath time!
Note! If/when stuff feels stuck, always go back back to Item #1: Safety First. Anyway, there are lots of good ways to work on a mystery in secret. Intentional Naps are a great way to approach mysteries. Looking for clues while watching a movie is another one. Getting down on the floor and closing eyes and breathing until you feel better is pretty much always a good strategy.
These are the mysteries in my life.
These are the mysteries I have focusing on since I discovered them during Rally X…
The Mystery of Bridges: How do I get from Point A to Point B?
And the mystery of not this and not that: What does it look like when I am not avoiding a situation or a pattern but I am also not feeding it anymore…
And the mystery which used to be called Quitting Grad School Even Though I’m Not In Grad School, and is now called Getting Out Of Berlin — the solution to which was really just the realization that I want to quit everything. Teaching, leading, directing, being in charge. I want to play with people. Not be at the front of the room. I want to rendezvous with other agents, not run an Agency.
And the Mystery of Crowns: Why do I put up with WUSIT situations. WUSIT stands for What unsovereign shit is this?! This is the mystery of how I forget about sovereignty over and over again.
Hilariously, I just did this right now, when I started worrying that maybe people won’t like it if if I change the format of the alphabet posts. Sweetie, it’s your blog. You can do whatever you want here. Oh right. I forgot.
The mystery of this amnesia, and the mystery of learning how to remember again.
What else do I know about X?
- X marks the spot, on the treasure map. It shows you where to go.
- X is extreme self care.
- X is the crux. Or: X is in the crux.
- X hides in words like exist and exit.
- X is kisses. And everything can be made better by blowing kisses. Try it.
- X is ten.
- X is the unknown.
- X is two halves of a diamond. Or a V on top of an upside down V.
- X is ex, what is done.
It starts with X and doesn’t…
In The Thirteen Clocks, one of my very favorite books, there was a prophecy about a man whose name begins with X, and doesn’t. Everyone thinks there isn’t such a man because it cannot be, but there is, and now you will have to read the book.
“Once upon a time, in a gloomy castle on a lonely hill, where there were thirteen clocks that wouldn’t go, there lived a cold, aggressive duke and his niece, the princess Saralinda…”
Oh, and another clue from that book: “It always takes my father three and thirty days to make decisions.” Yes, that is one way to solve for X.
And…”I wish you every strangest kind of luck.”
That too.
What did I learn during the week of X?
The week of X was a marvelous week, full of existential crises and resolutions, exits and beginnings, things that began with X and didn’t.
Here is what I learned:
The answer to all the mysteries is taking exquisite care of myself, doing things that support me or help me follow my yes (or hear it).
Being well-rested, and attending to the wells. Scents. Flowers. Color. Texture. Bodywork. Bath time. Napping. Breathing. Garments. Beauty. Being outdoors.
Basically, everything that feels good and is pleasurable is not just good for that (which would be enough of a legitimate reason anyway, monsters), it is good for helping me get to my new yes, my new intel.
So not only are these things not frivolous because they just aren’t, they are ESPECIALLY not-frivolous because they get me to my next indicated steps.
In other words, the answer to X is YES.
One of the Agents at Rally X put on an only somewhat-metaphorical power point presentation called GALLIVANTING FOR FUN AND PROFIT, and this is such a good mission that I instantly decided this is what I want to do with my life too.
That is to say, joyful exits (another x word, sort of), and the kind of eccentric play-filled retirement that makes for peaceful adventures.
I also decided I wanted to be a fashion consultant (proxy), and — speaking of grand adventures — that is what led me to solve the Mystery of The Missing Panache.
So this is all very mysterious, and yet, so it must be when you are solving for X.
May it be so! And come play with me.
Usually my alphabet posts are a quiet, playful meditation on words that begin with that special letter. We whisper words or sound effects, and I suppose we can still delight in things that are X-rated, engage in xenophilia (which is kind of what happens when we love each other across a blog), and invoke Xena, warrior princess.
This time though, X has been more of a door for me into the mysteries, and that was what I wanted to share with you today.
So you are welcome to come up with new names for some of the mysteries in your own life, or share something sparked for you, or come up with some more X words, or leave flowers and pebbles. And we can all blow kisses, because blowing kisses is magic.
I am leaving some extra superpowers here for us, including the superpowers of I Don’t Need To Solve This Right Now, and Insight Comes (Safely) While I Sleep, and All The Exits I Need Are Here For Me, and Endless Do-Overs, and Wonderful Healing Under The Surface, and I Have Everything I Need For This, and Extra Comfort and the Best Room of Requirement Ever.
Whispering loving spells that begin with X (and don’t), for all of us, and blowing kisses for everyone who reads. Thank you.
Wish 302: not throwing
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
♡
Away.
As you know, I am currently on Shmita, a grand adventure in Not Doing, also known as a sabbatical.
And this is happening on the road in the form of Operation True Yes, aka Six Month Road Trip aka Possibly Unending Road Trip, which is where I am learning to live by my yes.
One of the interesting things about living by the yes, of course, is that our yes changes, constantly. That’s because we are living, breathing, dynamic creatures in a the beautiful, complex ever-shifting process of life, and that is how being alive works.
So I’ve been dealing with some of the fall-out or consequences of yes. Mostly of the times I am not being true to my yes, and sometimes when I am learning how to be true to my yes.
Sure is not exactly the same as yes, but so close that you can get them confused.
I was supposed to be in Salt Lake City this month, and Salt Lake City was not my yes, but racing at the racetrack there was a big yes for my lover, and he is a big joy-spark of yes for me, and it’s not like I had anything else going on, and my main yes is to rest, replenish and write, and I can kind of do that from anywhere.
So it wasn’t my yes, but it was a sure, yeah, okay.
Then I had an opportunity to go on a solo adventure while he goes on a motorcycle trip, and that was a big yes, and I found a flight out of SLC to [secret location], and that felt very yes as well.
Last week we both suddenly realized that neither of us has a yes for Salt Lake right now. My lover still has a yes for the track, but the now part of it is no longer a yes. Then a new plan emerged which filled us both with delight, and that was pretty exciting.
Throwaway.
I know an agent (double-meaning!) who works for United Airlines, and we had the following conversation…
She: Whoa-my-god you got an amazing price on that ticket.
Me: I know! Except I can’t use it now because it turns out I won’t be in Salt Lake City after all. I need to fly out of San Francisco instead.
She: I’m sorry, babe. It’s going to be $200 to change the ticket, and you got it for the airline equivalent of small change. It’s a throwaway. Let it go and forget about it. Get another ticket and pretend this never happened.
Throw. Away.
I shrugged it off, except then, about an hour later, all my monsters showed up and they were Not Happy.
They object strenuously to this concept of throwing away something you had already paid for, and they were not willing to let it go.
I mean, we are talking giant monster fits and jumping up and down on monster trampolines and yelling at me about how this is not fair.
Which, I get it, they have a point, and I tried to agree with them on that, but it turned out this wasn’t what they were actually upset about. Mainly it was the idea that I could be someone who throws things away, and here’s where things got a little nasty, because they were furious about that.
Monsters: What kind of wasteful, extravagant, terrible person just THROWS MONEY AWAY. You screw up everything! It’s not like you have piles of money sitting around. Can we remind you that you have irresponsibly taken off work for a year? How can you just make stupid plans and pay for them and then change them every time you get a new yes? You will be THROWING AWAY MONEY forever, and it is not okay!
So we talked about this. And then we talked about approach.
How can we look at this through a new lens? What if throwing away doesn’t have to be wasteful? Or what if we aren’t throwing anything away at all?
What are some new ways of looking at [throwaway]?
1. True Yes Tuition.
It’s tuition. It’s YES tuition. These are the costs of learning to say yes to my yes, and waiting for true yes.
I knew my yes wasn’t being in SLC but I went along with it anyway.
Then I got more clear, and look how great that was, because now I get all my yeses: Not being in SLC right now while it’s snowy, not driving twelve hours to get there, not spending three days at the track, not having to go back right after my Adventure. And I get to have lunch with Jane!
So, come on. This is pretty great. I get nothing but YES, and all I had to do to get here was pay an extra $83? Fantastic, that is a terrific deal.
Plus, I got a bonus course in not saying yes to things unless they are really my yes. I love investing in True Yes Tuition. Nothing was thrown away at all.
2. Investing in escape routes.
If I were in a miserable situation, would I pay $83 to get out of it? Yeah!
Awesome. I just did that but in advance. I am paying the money now to not be in a situation I don’t want.
Like a TIP, in the sense of To Insure Promptness. I am paying a tip in advance to insure the promptness of me not being in Salt Lake when I don’t want to be, whee!
3. Try on these glasses for a minute.
I try very hard not to promote reality theories on the blog.
There are so many ways to look at — or play with — reality, with our perceptions of how things work, or how they might work.
I don’t have an interest telling people how how to view the workings of the universe. We’re all sovereign beings. We can figure out our own philosophical approach to life and aliveness.
However, I quite enjoy trying on reality theories, like glasses, and then I can see things in a new way, remembering the whole time that it’s the glasses, and I can switch glasses whenever I like.
Here’s one of my favorite pairs of glasses:
In yoga philosophy, we talk about how everything is maya (illusion).
I have also quoted a teacher of mine in Israel, Orna Sela, and how she would say kol ma shenegdi ashlaya — everything that is against me is an illusion.
So. Everything is an illusion. Money is not real, and acting like it is real (oh no, my $83!) infuses this temporal experience with false power, taking away power from what is real. Namely soul and expansiveness and qualities. Not to mention taking care of my avatar and enjoying the glorious ride.
So the $83 is a figment, and the most powerful thing I can do is say thank you and enjoy the delight of swimming in this beautiful illusion.
4. Whee!
Kind of like the above except more playful, silly, just enjoying the idea that I can throw this money away. Remembering that of course there is enough because of course there is enough.
WHEE! THROWING MONEY IN THE AIR LIKE SCROOGE MCDUCK ON A BIG PILE OF MONEY!
It’s a joyful expression of celebratory goofiness, or maybe that’s goofy celebration: Money can’t be thrown away since there is always more, it’s just being thrown around as I express my delight in aliveness.
I toss these thirty eight dollars in the air, trusting that these are not the last thirty eight dollars and there will always be more, and it is safe to throw things around joyfully, knowing that they or their friends will find their way back to you, because there will always be enough.
Play and trust. Trust and play. Trust in play.
What do I know about my wish?
It’s related to last week’s wish of being (that is: remembering that I already am) a Great Adventuress.
And part of being an adventuress is not being phased by changes of plans, associated costs, investing in the adventure, laughing delightedly at the scary parts and holding on for dear life.
What else do I know about what I want?
Throwing things away can be freeing, liberating. Like when you are in a year of Easing and Releasing, which I am.
Throwing things away means letting go of everything that does not spark joy.
Throwing things away can be surrender.
Throwing things away can be like tashlich, when you cast bread crumbs into the river on the new year, relinquishing everything you regret or no longer need from the previous year:
Everything that is done, everything that no longer serves me: I release you.
I can do this with a plane ticket. I can do this with $83. I can do this with anything. It is safe to let things go.
It is safe to let this go.
What else do I know about this?
Wishes are never about the thing I think I’m wishing for, and always about identity and safety and permission.
So of course my monsters would be up in arms about me letting things go. They’re worried about the parts of me that I might want to let go.
Letting go can feel like death: sudden irreplaceable loss.
So I want to remember that this letting go is about a coming into. An emerging.
And I will have everything I need for this adventure. It is safe for me to say goodbye to these things.
It is not a throwing away. It is a liberation. Crossing over. Breaking free. Let’s drop things that are heavy. That’s what she meant by calling it a throwaway:
You don’t have to carry this anymore.
Now.
I am poaching internet from a hotel I stayed in once — having conveniently remembered that their password is the same as the zipcode, and I am inordinately pleased about this.
Out the window there is a white sign that says REALTY in bold red letters, but I read it as Reality, because the hologram is hilarious. The strawberry really is wonderfully sweet.
Me: Hey, slightly-wiser me, what do you have for me?
She: I know this morning you were kind of stressing out about how it’s already Tuesday and you hadn’t written the wishes. I just want to remind you about how All Timing Is Right Timing, and assure you that even if you don’t know why, this is the exact right time to be doing this.
Me: Thank you. I do get into my head about that one.
She: Well, trust me on this one. This is right.
Clues?
My lover and I stayed at a lovely BnB last night, and hanging in the entrance was a bell. Follow the bells, Havi Bell.
The superpower of I have everything I need for this.
The quality for April is ADVENTURE, and it comes with the marvelous superpower of I have everything I need for this.
May it be so.
I could breathe this in a hundred times a day: I have everything I need for this.
Yes. Thank you.
Things I find helpful for intentions and wishes…
Adventure. Rest. Horizons. Security. Passion. Sweetness. Clarity. Presence.
Ongoing wishes.
Everything is easier than I thought, and look, miracles everywhere. Ha, this doesn’t require my input! My business is thriving happily without me. I think like a dancer. It’s so perfect it turned out like this. Past me is a GENIUS. I have what I need, and appreciate it. I am fearless and confident. I state my preferences clearly, calmly and easily, no big deal. I am ready to come into my superpowers and receive.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
So. Last week, aka Adventuress?…
This was one of those wishes that I didn’t expect to come true right away, more about just seeding some ideas for later.
Surprisingly enough though, I did actually have a fairly adventurous week, which included a close encounter with a BEAR, and also suggesting (much to my own astonishment) to the boy that we go zip-lining. He thought that sounded stupid since he does way more exciting things all the time, but the point is that I suggested doing something terrifying instead of hoping no one else would want to do it.
And I even managed to turn something that didn’t sound that much fun into its own Grand Adventure. So this one is working for me and I like it.
Attenzione! Attention, AGENTS.
I believe the Playground mugs are all sold but you can still acquire a pack of stone skipping cards just send a note and we’ll set it up. Ask Richard for cost/shipping.
Keep me company! Or just say hi!
This is an open invitation to deposit wishes, gwishes, personal ads, superpowers, qualities, whatever you’d like, there’s no right way! Updates on past experiments are welcome too, as is sharing anything sparked for you.
Comment culture: This is safe space for creative exploration. We are on vacation from care-taking and advice-giving. We are here to play and throw things in the pot! With amnesty. Leave a wish any time you want.
Here’s how we meet each other’s wishes: Oh, wow. What beautiful wishes.
xox