What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
Chicken 329: its own bold sexy reward
It is Friday and we are here.
{a breath for Friday.}
What worked this week?
Asking for what I needed.
It is generally not nearly as scary as I think it is going to be.
Next time I might…
Pause and breathe.
And ask sooner.
Also I would like to remember that the amount I panic before a trip is directly proportional to how great the trip is! Operation Tranquility Recovery has been seriously magical and even the parts I thought would be a pain have turned out to hold pleasure for me.
So. Yes. I want to remember this, because I did a lot of pre-trip panicking on this one.
Eight breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
- Grief. I am sad about my mom. Pain. A breath for permission.
- Worry. A breath for comfort.
- Things are changing. So much change. I have been asking for answers and now I am getting some and they are kind of scaring me. A breath for ease.
- Doubt. A breath for patience, sweetness and courage.
- Things that are unknown. A breath for trust-more love-more release-more receive-more.
- Forgetting truth-love, forgetting to take care of myself, forgetting that this is my job. A breath for remembering.
- And in the ongoing theme, the continued encounters with all the ways I relinquish my sovereignty, compromise my desires, neglect to state my preferences, avoid opportunities to treasure myself. Sovereignty challenges everywhere. Yet again, a breath for trust and more trust and even more trust after that. And for practicing.
- Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week.
Eight breaths of good, reassuring, delight-filled.
- Operation Tranquility Recovery Magic: I LOVE IT! A breath for needing something very specific but not knowing what that is and then getting the exact right thing.
- Embarking, departing, sailing away. A breath for a Grand Adventure and new horizons.
- Beauty is healing. My adventuring-companion and I spent four days in spectacularly beautiful places in Oregon, Nevada and California. A breath for majesty and for transformative moments of quiet knowing.
- Sparks and sweetness. , and this is A breath of thank you.
- Water makes everything better. Thank you, Lucky Lola, who provided a shower after four days of being on the road. Thank you, beautiful Pacific ocean. Thank you, all the varied superpowers of releasing. A breath for releasing.
- Incoming me is brilliant and full of the best advice. A breath for knowing that I am never alone, because slightly future me is always looking out for me.
- Everything is okay. Traveling with The Boy I Like turned out to be fun, sweet and easy. Lots of things have been turning out fun, sweet and easy. And even when they aren’t, Nothing Is Wrong, and I can make new choices, and there are still people who love me and care about me. A breath for everything being okay, and for remembering.
- Thankfulness. Heart full of love. Tiny miracles everywhere. So much sweetness in my life, so much kindness, so much generosity and permission. So many things are beautiful. Nothing is wrong. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. A full breath of deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.
WHAM BOOM! Operations completed.
I am away on Operation Tranquility Recovery Magic, which means that I’m writing, writing and writing, while trusting the fractal flowers. Wham Boom.
Revisiting some wise important words of truth from past-me.
This practice called a set of four questions.
Superpowers…
Powers I had this week…
I had the power of Trusting The Voyage, and the power of sweet sleep.
Superpowers I want.
The superpower of Joyful Full-Hearted Adventuring While Treasuring Myself.
The Salve of Joyful Full-Hearted Adventuring!
This salve contains many qualities, including:
Courage. Amnesty. Wonder. Delight. Presence. Spaciousness. Vitality. Readiness.
It is a warming salve, the tiniest bit spicy.
It makes you want to try things, without attachment to possible results. This salve makes the act of experimenting seem like its own bold sexy reward.
If salve does not appeal, you can have this in tea form, as a bath, cocktail, whatever works for you. Not only is there enough salve, there are also enough ways to receive it.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
This week’s band is called Reserve Your Bird, they play klezmer versions of Guns N Roses songs, and it’s actually just one guy.
Attenzione! Attention, AGENTS.
I am still recommending the Emergency Get Calm, Quiet And Steady techniques, since they are keeping things good around here for me.
So I want to seed a reminder that this is a thing, and it helps, a lot. Not just with calming down in the moment but with building the kind of habits that allow you to change your relationship with whatever is scary or uncomfortable.
I hardly ever recommend these because the page is already many years old and needs rewriting. However, copywriting aside, this is still one of the best things I have ever made, by a lot. I have two boxes in my office full of the sweetest thank you notes from people, and so many of them are for this.
Come play if you like…
Join me in the comments. Some of us share hard and good, some of us say hi, or maybe we’re feeling quiet. My ritual doesn’t have to be your ritual. Whatever works for you. We’ve been doing this every week for years now and there still isn’t a right way. Feel free to leave pebbles (or petals!), hearts, warmth, sweetness. Those always work.
Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We don’t give advice.
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever you like, it’s no big deal. And I am blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers. I love that you are here too.
Wish 279: Tranquility! Recovery! Magic! Ta da!
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
♡
On Wednesday night I set off on Operation Tranquility Recovery Magic.
It’s been a long time in the works, and I wasn’t sure I was going to make it.
I mean, that’s a funny thing about planning for recovery.
Let’s see, I predict I am going to Completely Fall Apart in 3, 2, 1….
Ta da!
Yes, well.
One of the things I’m hoping to recover from is my tendency to do too much, fall apart, need to recover.
While planning for recovery is way better than suddenly discovering that I need Emergency Recovery Time because oh shit it’s too late and you can’t run on fumes anymore, this still is not the best system.
Hahaha RECOVERY.
I was trying to come up with a proxy mission or a cover story for this op, and then I started laughing because “I’m in recovery” is actually the most perfect thing ever.
I’m undercover. In recovery. It’s a recovery story of a cover story. It’s my recovery-cover undercover.
Okay. I’m having fun with this.
I mean, it’s a little close to home, yeah. But that’s part of what you get when you run away from what is familiar: a better look at what is actually there. To recover (yes!) the thing that is missing, even though it was always there.
In recovery from…?
From workaholicism? Yes and.
From grief? Yes and.
From the way I’ve been working for the past nine years since starting The Fluent Self. Yes and.
From incongruence. From thinking that things are wrong when in fact Nothing Is Wrong.
From exhaustion.
Yes, all of this.
What do I know about this?
It’s okay. I had to get to my edge to see I was at an edge.
Now I know where it is.
Testing this is part of aliveness.
What is Operation Tranquility Recovery Magic for?
For Recovery, obviously.
But also for other things. And not just Tranquility and Magic and combinations of those words.
This is also where I get to meet Bell West aka Mlle. Honeybelle, who is Incoming me.
More than that, she is alive me, she delights in aliveness. She is adventuring me, the me who bells the bells and tries things. She doesn’t think any of this is a mistake.
Right now I tend to think things are mistakes. I tried things with the [chocolate shop], I tried things with [the practice of the spirals], I tried things with dance. I lost everything and it hurts.
That’s not how she sees things at all. She thinks I’m brave and wild and fun, not a failure. She thinks it is absolutely marvelous the way I whole-heartedly throw myself into life and try things. So what if they don’t turn out the way I’d hoped? I went for it. She applauds this.
She and Sam have the same opinion here. I want to see with their eyes.
What else do I know about Operation Tranquility Recovery Magic?
I don’t need to do anything except be here and find out.
Yes, I brought projects with me. Probably way too many.
But mainly I need to sleep, eat, smile at my lover, let things show themselves to me.
They are already showing themselves to me, except sometimes I am not paying attention because I forget to take care of myself.
This op has to do with remembering that I count, that it is okay to come first, that I can joyfully choose to nourish myself instead of trying to figure out how to be of service.
I have monsters about all of these things, and yet: they are important. Vitally important. I can’t do the next op, whatever it is, without these skills.
What is next?
Trusting the voyage.
Skipping stones.
Adding “ta da!” to everything.
What if.
What if agreeing to recovery releases the magic of tranquility?
What else would I like from Operation Tranquility Recovery Magic?
Beautiful surprises.
Joyful laughter. I mean, like, that cosmic joyful buddha laughter where life is just so hilarious because nothing is wrong.
To clearly see the intel and to smile at it, to welcome it.
Checking in. How am I doing?
I feel peaceful and excited about discovery.
I feel happy that I am going on this particular adventure in companionship, with this particular companion. Usually I go alone. This is new and different, and right now, in this moment, it is right.
What do I really want? What is the desire behind this wish?
To become the person who can trust my yes and trust my no, and act on that trust immediately.
Me: Hey, slightly-wiser me, what do you have for me?
She: This is right, my love.
Me: I know. It kind of scares me.
She:That’s good. That’s because you know that nothing will be the same after this. Tuck your hand into the hand of the you who is scared she will lose herself, and know that there is no lost. There is only more you to discover, more options, more ways to delight in life and aliveness, more vitality and more pleasure.
Me: Thank you.
Clues?
A spectacular sunset over the Sierras told me, in no uncertain terms:
Beauty is healing. Let it break you open, release and empty out, fill up on love, and allow beauty to heal what needs healing.
The superpower of wearing my crown.
Last month on the calendar was the month of embarking, and trusting the voyage.
Now we’re in the month of Sovereignty, with the superpower of I do not wait in line for my own swing.
It’s funny that right now I am on a voyage, and it is a voyage specifically made for sovereignty. Because, of course, the fact that I neglect to take care of myself and get to these points where I need recovery: this is a sovereignty issue. It’s time to close out this cycle, learn a new way of being.
Ongoing wishes.
- Everything is easier than I thought, and look, miracles everywhere.
- I have the best time dancing in my ballroom.
- This doesn’t require my input!
- Ha, it’s so perfect that it turned out like this. Past me is a GENIUS
- I have what I need, and I appreciate it. There are resources to do this.
- Trust and steadiness. I can see why this moment is good.
- I am fearless and confident. I do the brave things, I state my preferences clearly, calmly and easily, and it is not even a big deal, yay.
- I am ready to come into my superpowers, including the superpowers of knowing that it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks, I Am Okay With Being Seen, receiving gifts that are winging their way to me. See also: The superpower of Everything Enhances My Superpowers. And adds panache.
Things I find helpful when it comes to wishes…
More sweet pauses, yes to the red lights, remember the purple pills, say thank you to the broken pots. Permission. Bright colors. Passion. Costume changes. Stone skipping with incoming me. Dance. Intensity. Writing. Lipstick. My body gets the deciding vote. And, as always, saying thank you in advance.
Give it to the compass: Eight directions, eight qualities, eight breaths.
Trust. Release. Love. Receive. Anchor. Crown. Glow. Boldly.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
So. Last week, aka pre-provisioned…
I had a lovely insight about packing! Pack by qualities and pack by identity.
So I kind of have a lot of bags. But. I have a bag for dancer me. A bag for adventuring me. A bag for writer me. And a bag for glamorous luscious secret agent me.
It was much easier to pack for four versions of me than it was to just pack. This was a good experiment.
Attenzione! Attention, AGENTS.
I wish to whisper a whisper about the Monster Manual! It comes paired with the world’s best coloring book, which does so much monster-dissolving magic that even if you wait to try the techniques, you’ll still feel better about everything.
Self-fluency is hard enough, we need ways to to interact with the thoughts-fear-worry-criticism that shuts down creative exploring. And when people get the manual, I am able to me spend more time writing here. So if you don’t need help with monsters, get one for a friend. Or plant a wish that someone gets it for you! And bring people you like to hang out here. The more of us working on our stuff, the better for all of us. ♡
Keep me company?
Consider this an open invitation to deposit wishes, gwishes, personal ads. In any size/form you like, there’s no right way. Updates on past experiments are welcome too, as is anything sparked for you.
Commenting culture: This is safe space for creative exploration. We are on permanent vacation from care-taking and advice-giving. We are here to play and throw things in the pot! With amnesty. Leave a wish any time you want.
Here’s how we meet each other’s wishes: Oh, wow. What beautiful wishes.
xox
Chicken 328: reprieve x2!
It is Friday and we are here.
{a breath for Friday.}
What worked this week?
Renaming things.
I didn’t want to go to the Post Office, until I decided that USPS stands for Universal Sovereign Perspective Service, and then it was easy! Who doesn’t want some sovereign perspective? By post!
Similarly, everything got better when I remembered that Halloween can be turned into Hidingween. Or is that Hideoween? Actually it was more like Snuggle-o-ween.
I do not like this trick-or-treating thing. Loud knocking on the door triggers my PTSD, and I have a long list of things that are asking for my time — providing noisy sticky-fingered small people with candy does not make the top fifty.
Usually I turn out all the lights and hide in the dark. This year my housemate was out being social so I had to have Hidingween by myself.
Except then the beautiful boy came over, and hiding is more fun with two people.
Next time I might…
Choose steadiness.
Often I choose things that are not steadying (twitter, for example) because sometimes they are steadying or have that effect, and because I need a pause, and then I use an unsteady thing as a place to push for steadiness pellets.
This hardly ever works.
I want to remember to choose things that are actually steadying: get on the floor and breathe.
Steadiness from the north. Steadiness to the east. Steadying the south. Steady in the west.
To allow myself to be held by steadiness instead of grasping for steadiness. Also sometimes I wake up my lover because I forget how to access steadiness, and then I don’t know how to say that this is what I want, so I want to get in the habit of breathing, remembering, asking for a hug.
Eight breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
- Grief. It just is. A breath for permission.
- Worry. I forget that I can seed a new song in my head. A breath for comfort, may we all have as much of it as we need.
- I feel the big changes coming, and with them some big decisions. A breath for perfect simple solutions, turnarounds or escape hatches: whatever the answers are here, may they reveal themselves in right timing.
- This week it seemed like everything that could go wrong did, and I was too tired and overwhelmed to remember that Nothing Is Wrong. I am convinced there is no greater challenge in life than remembering that Nothing Is Wrong. Nothing Is Wrong does not mean force yourself to stick with things that are horrible. Practicing Nothing Is Wrong often means changing the things that feel off, that is part of what makes them not-wrong: thank goodness this frustrating situation pushed me to interact with it and make things better. A breath for patience, magic, sweetness, changing things up.
- Related to the above: This week all kinds of things seemed to be unwieldy, full of complications, expensive. Something I ordered for the trip (and paid $12 extra for it to arrive in time) turned out to be back-ordered, and then taking care of that involved another $85 and half of a day to sort out. My monsters were a Greek chorus with their steady chant of “One Step Forward, Two Steps Back, You Never Make Progress On Anything, Everything Goes Wrong”. A breath for trust-more love-more release-more receive-more.
- And in the ongoing theme, the continued encounters with all the ways I relinquish my sovereignty, compromise my desires, neglect to state my preferences, avoid opportunities to treasure myself. Sovereignty challenges everywhere. I find myself afraid to state what I want, or acquiescing to a not-really-a-yes, because it seems easier, or neglecting to insist that people hold up their end of the bargain. Yet again, a breath for trust and more trust and even more trust after that. And for practicing.
- Too much work. Work and worry. Got myself all tangled up until my body was giving me the emergency warning signals of Impending Emotional Breakdown In Thirty Seconds To Twenty Minutes. A breath for knowing where my edges are, and for understanding that sometimes I’m going to test them and this is part of life and aliveness.
- Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week.
Eight breaths of good, reassuring, delight-filled.
- At some point around noon on Sunday, I suddenly realized it wasn’t Monday! I had a whole extra day. REPRIEVE! Also the clocks changed, so a sneaky extra hour of sleep, which means DOUBLE REPRIEVE. Reprieve x2! Superpowers of that, come in, come in. A breath for suddenly perceiving/receiving extra spaciousness.
- Operation Tranquility Recovery Magic, current status: ACTIVATED! Any longer and I would have probably fallen apart so hard, so really this was the exact right moment. A breath for a well-timed escape hatch that is also a Grand Adventure.
- Running away to visit my Uncle in Eugene. A breath of thank you for exactly what I needed, and for the magic that is being loved unconditionally.
- The person I want to have grand adventures with is the person who wants to go on grand adventures with me. How lucky is that?! A breath for all the sparks.
- There are so many supportive people in my life. When things started unraveling this week, I had Annabelle and Marisa to text wise, compassionate, understanding reminders of truth-love. I had Richard to do acupressure magic on me and come with me on all the errands. A breath for allies, resources, friends, love.
- Everything is okay. A breath for everything being okay, and for remembering.
- My wise body knows what is good. A breath for moving, stretching, breathing, getting on the floor.
- Thankfulness. Heart full of love. Wise friends gave good counsel. Tiny miracles everywhere. So much sweetness in my life, so much kindness, so much generosity and permission. So many things are beautiful. Nothing is wrong. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. A full breath of deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.
WHAM BOOM! Operations completed.
I took care of six thousand billion errands this week. Finalizing the 2015 Fluent Self calendar design (year 4!), and it is absolutely gorgeous. Operation Clear Bell is still in effect, as is The Sultry Speedy Chicken of Sanguine Secret Ops, Operation Tranquility Recovery Magic is good to go, and I am trusting the fractal flowers. Wham Boom.
Revisiting some wise important words of truth from past-me.
This post about secretly turning the rain into different colors. The technique I use there (not turning the rain into colors, though that is fun too) is a really good practice for me.
Superpowers…
Powers I had this week…
I had the power of Getting On The Bus, and the power of appreciating the good.
Superpowers I want.
The superpower of Calm Steady Trust Is Mine At All Times, and I Do Not Need To Carry Anyone Else’s Fears For Them.
Oh, and I was at a dance class this week, and the instructor said, “Whatever feels good in your body right now, do that!” Superpower of approaching life like this please.
The Salve of Reprieve X2!
This salve contains little beads that release Expansiveness and Comfort at the same time.
When it softens into your skin, everything breathes more. You feel cozy and self-contained on the one hand, and as if you’ve been granted all this gorgeous spaciousness on the other.
This salve reminds you that there is time, because look, there it is.
This is a great salve for doing, using that extra window you’ve just been given, and it’s also a great salve for catching up on rest.
This salve gives my skin a dewy glow, it works a little bit like Rally (superpower of Rally Glow) in that it makes me better-looking just by being around it.
Bonus effect of this salve: not only do you find your own sweet moments of reprieve but everyone you encounter feels this permission and spaciousness too. Suddenly there are these little ten and fifteen minute pockets of buffer available.
It’s kind of like when you quit [habit] and suddenly there’s money in your pocket. In fact, that’s a form of reprieve too, so let’s add that into the mix. This salve does that too! Best salve ever. Have some. And then have some more.
That’s how this works.
If salve does not appeal, you can have this in tea form, as a bath, cocktail, whatever works for you. Not only is there enough salve, there are also enough ways to receive it.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
This week’s band comes via Wendy (thank you!) and they’re called Cleo and the Gap, they play sultry lounge music that is heavy on clarinet, and it’s actually just one guy.
Attenzione! Attention, AGENTS.
I am still recommending the Emergency Get Calm, Quiet And Steady techniques, since they are keeping things good around here for me.
So I want to seed a reminder that this is a thing, and it helps, a lot. Not just with calming down in the moment but with building the kind of habits that allow you to change your relationship with whatever is scary or uncomfortable.
I hardly ever recommend these because the page is already many years old and needs rewriting. However, copywriting aside, this is still one of the best things I have ever made, by a lot. I have two boxes in my office full of the sweetest thank you notes from people, and so many of them are for this.
Come play if you like…
Join me in the comments. Some of us share hard and good, some of us say hi, or maybe we’re feeling quiet. My ritual doesn’t have to be your ritual. Whatever works for you. We’ve been doing this every week for years now and there still isn’t a right way. Feel free to leave pebbles (or petals!), hearts, warmth, sweetness. Those always work.
Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We don’t give advice.
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever you like, it’s no big deal. And I am blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers. I love that you are here too.
Wish 278: pre-provisioned
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
♡
I have trouble taking care of myself.
This is not exactly news.
No, let me rephrase this. I have a fairly well-documented history of neglecting to take care of myself in certain situations, and this is something I’m working on and playing with.
This is the process of becoming someone who treasures herself, who takes exquisite care of herself.
So here we are. This is the practice, and everything that takes me off course is also part of the course. So I’m working on two things, taking care of myself, and trusting that however long this skill takes to integrate is okay.
I am slightly allergic to packing.
This is problematic, because this year has involved quite a bit of gallivanting about.
Every time I use metaphor mouse to sort this out, I learn that packing is actually taking care of slightly future me.
In fact, it’s one of my favorite things: setting things up for her so that her life has more ease, more joy. Leaving sweetness for future me.
Like treats in the back seat. That sounds dirty. It’s not. Read the link!
The point is, I get that Packing is providing for incoming me. It’s provisioning, I word I may have made up because providing sounds kind of heavy but getting provisions is fun.
This is a way I can treasure myself.
Pre-provisioning.
This is partly about doing this for myself in advance, not leaving it until the last minute.
And it is partly about finding a new way to interact with my monsters and their insane expectations.
[Monsters: Packing should only take half an hour, how does it take you all day?! Packing should not be this fraught thing, just do it!]
I need to remember that these things can take longer — much longer — than I think they will, and this doesn’t mean I’m slow, lazy, incompetent or not good at life.
It just means I estimated wrong.
And let’s be clear about this too: one of the reasons I find estimating so challenging is because I’m doing it while under the influence of monster-instigated anxiety and false expectations.
I know what I want.
Do less.
Spend more time on entry. Pause more. Spend less time doing and more time considering how I want to feel, and how I want to be while doing.
More permission, more legitimacy, more acceptance, more peacefulness.
Ringing more bells.
How can I play with this?
I want to let go of fantasy.
Fantasy, in this case, is some variation on either “I will be completely packed a week before my trip!” or “Oh whatever, it will only take half an hour, just make it happen!”
I want to work with what I know. It takes time (for me) to adequately prepare for things, especially travel.
My entire childhood was spent thinking that we were about to move. It never happened.
Nothing drives me crazier than being in the pre-stages of a voyage, or someone I love saying they’re about to make [big life change].
What do I want?
Steadiness. Breath. Choosing towards me. Choosing towards taking care of me.
What else do I know about this?
It can happen in bits and pieces.
There is no way to do this wrong.
It’s an experiment.
What do I really want?
Same as always. To trust my instincts more. To trust my yes and trust my no, and act on that trust immediately.
To live by the sea.
Me: Hey, slightly-wiser me, what do you have for me?
She: I know how much you care about me. And I know that sometimes you can feel how much I care about you. Everything we do to connect and get closer is good.
Me: It’s like a hug moment.
She:Exactly. More hug moments. Remember that I’m right here, all the time. Ask me for help.
Clues?
“Are you feeling lucky?”
The superpower of wearing my crown.
Last month on the calendar was the month of embarking, and trusting the voyage.
Now we’re in the month of Sovereignty, with the superpower of I do not wait in line for my own swing.
And, hilariously, this past week has been nothing but sovereignty challenges for me. Pre-provisioning is taking this whole being-true-to-my-truth thing to an entirely new level. It feels like a good way to practice, to get to know what I am like when I wear my own crown.
Ongoing wishes.
- Everything is easier than I thought, and look, miracles everywhere.
- I have the best time dancing in my ballroom.
- This doesn’t require my input!
- Ha, it’s so perfect that it turned out like this. Past me is a GENIUS
- I have what I need, and I appreciate it. There are resources to do this.
- Trust and steadiness. I can see why this moment is good.
- I am fearless and confident. I do the brave things, I state my preferences clearly, calmly and easily, and it is not even a big deal, yay.
- I am ready to come into my superpowers, including the superpowers of knowing that it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks, I Am Okay With Being Seen, receiving gifts that are winging their way to me. See also: The superpower of Everything Enhances My Superpowers. And adds panache.
Things I find helpful when it comes to wishes…
More sweet pauses, yes to the red lights, remember the purple pills, say thank you to the broken pots. Permission. Bright colors. Passion. Costume changes. Stone skipping with incoming me. Dance. Intensity. Writing. Lipstick. My body gets the deciding vote. And, as always, saying thank you in advance.
Give it to the compass: Eight directions, eight qualities, eight breaths.
Trust. Release. Love. Receive. Anchor. Crown. Glow. Boldly.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
So. Last week, aka joining the resistance…
I ended up having to move Operation Lacy Hips (anagram for physical) so I didn’t get to practice Joining The Resistance with my doctor. Except I went to have an eye exam, and they wanted my weight (they asked me three times), and I refused to give it and also made a note on the form that I thought this question was ridiculous.
Also I listed my profession as “unicorn”. So there’s that.
Oooh, and I 5MX-ed like crazy this week, and noticed that five minutes go by unbelievably fast.
Attenzione! Attention, AGENTS.
I wish to whisper a whisper about the Monster Manual! It comes paired with the world’s best coloring book, which does so much monster-dissolving magic that even if you wait to try the techniques, you’ll still feel better about everything.
Self-fluency is hard enough, we need ways to to interact with the thoughts-fear-worry-criticism that shuts down creative exploring. And when people get the manual, I am able to me spend more time writing here. So if you don’t need help with monsters, get one for a friend. Or plant a wish that someone gets it for you! And bring people you like to hang out here. The more of us working on our stuff, the better for all of us. ♡
Keep me company?
Consider this an open invitation to deposit wishes, gwishes, personal ads. In any size/form you like, there’s no right way. Updates on past experiments are welcome too, as is anything sparked for you.
Commenting culture: This is safe space for creative exploration. We are on permanent vacation from care-taking and advice-giving. We are here to play and throw things in the pot! With amnesty. Leave a wish any time you want.
Here’s how we meet each other’s wishes: Oh, wow. What beautiful wishes.
xox
Chicken 327: Turning coziness into an extreme sport, glowing love
It is Friday and we are here.
{a breath for Friday.}
What worked this week?
Trust.
Specifically trusting the fractal flowers, trusting that working on one thing is working on all the other things, even if very indirectly.
When I remembered trust, every single thing that happened or didn’t happen was just right, and I felt amazing.
When I forgot this, things were rough. It’s always about remembering, isn’t it.
Next time I might…
Pause and breathe. Reset.
And then again.
It’s that pause, that’s when I can remember.
Not in the go-go-go, not in the rush.
The pause is smarter than the rush. Sometimes I avoid the pause because I am afraid of all the beautiful truth I will know when I am clear. It’s almost as if I don’t want to remember. So a breath. And then another one.
A breath for truth-love, and for remembering.
Eight breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
- Grief comes in waves, this is a known thing, and something I’ve through many times. And yet, each new wave catches me off guard. I am wearing my mom’s red coat. It’s the only thing she owned that fits me, and, interestingly, perfectly, it looks like a Havi coat. It lives at the tiny perfect pinpoint of the center of a Venn Diagram of her life and mine. It is warm and it is red, and I miss her. A breath for this.
- Pretzel France died this week. She was an amazing human being, I taught a number of workshops at her beautiful yoga studio in San Francisco several years ago. So much love in my heart for her, and so much sadness. A breath for Pretzel and her wonderfully infectious laguh.
- The chocolate shop is driving me crazy, again. So many system failures. I have no patience. People leave doors unlocked, no one shows up for appointments, someone invented a gas leak (not even a metaphor!) and we had to deal with this fictitious problem in the middle of the night. I don’t know what to do about any of this. A breath for perfect simple solutions or perfect simple turnarounds or even perfect simple escape hatches, whatever the answers are here, may they reveal themselves in right timing.
- Worry. It isn’t helpful and yet, there it is. A breath for comfort, may we all have as much of it as we need.
- So very overwhelmed by all the things that need doing. A breath for trust, patience, magic, hope, sweetness.
- Oh, things that are hard, they are hard and panicky. Internet trolls, bullshit at the eye doctor visit, fun hormonal body dysmorphia, a terrible time at dance, all kinds of things that make me a little crazy. A breath for trust-more love-more release-more receive-more.
- And in the ongoing theme, the continued encounters with all the ways I relinquish my sovereignty, compromise my desires, neglect to state my preferences, avoid opportunities to treasure myself. This week’s sovereignty challenge came in the form of an incongruous, unexpected and unpleasant moment with someone I know from dance. We’ve taken a few workshops together and mutually agreed a few months ago to share some practice sessions. Because I like clarity and dislike misunderstandings, I made it very clear that my interest was dance-only and not anything else. We both have been traveling quite a bit and busy with work, so it hasn’t happened yet. On Tuesday he asked if I had time to practice that evening, and I didn’t (aw wish I could, have plans! smiley face!), and he said: “When we are both back in town I request that you make a more focused effort to ensure that we can get together”. Right. These are those WTF situations where I am completely clear on what I want (No thank you, abusive communication patterns! Goodbye, person who doesn’t get to be in my life!), and yet completely unclear on the form this takes. I got so tangled up trying to find words that would not invite commentary or argument. Yet again, a breath for trust and more trust and even more trust after that.
- Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week.
Eight breaths of good, reassuring, delight-filled.
- Coziness! Turning it into an extreme sport. Curling up on the couch by the fire, wrapped in blankets, with a steaming bowl of delicious soup and a mug of ginger tea. A breath for choosing warmth.
- Operation Tranquility Recovery Magic is coming up, and I am so excited for this Grand Adventure. A breath for clear knowing, and for the right partner to adventure with.
- Four and a half hours of west coast swing Saturday night. A breath of thank you for exactly what I needed.
- Sunday night was exquisitely beautiful and made everything better. Sometimes waiting a long time for the magic makes it extra-magic. A breath for all the sparks.
- Being called Mlle. Honeybelle, by my favorite people. A breath for all the sweetness.
- Once I remembered to trust the things happening under the surface, I had two of the most productive days I’ve ever had outside of a Rally. Actually, I hate the word ‘productive’. I hate that it makes it sound like doing is better than not-doing, like producing is the thing that matters. I had two days of flow. Flowductivity! Conductivity! Things were conducted. Through me. And suddenly all the things that hadn’t been working got taken care of. A breath for everything being okay, and for remembering.
- Sometimes yoga is magic. One one of the hard days this week, two hours on the floor took me from a mess of tight-fear-anxious pain into feeling like a radiant glowing ball of love and wonder. A breath for the magic of sweet, conscious, intentional breathing.
- Thankfulness. Heart full of love. Wise friends gave good counsel. Tiny miracles everywhere. So much sweetness in my life, so much kindness, so much generosity and permission. So many things are beautiful. This week I was bracing myself for many days apart from [person I like], since even one day feels like months, and this was going to be a lot of days apart, but then things moved and reconfigured, as they do, and I received closeness instead of distance. Nothing is wrong. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. A full breath of deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.
WHAM BOOM! Operations completed.
Operation Clear Bell is still in effect, I am working on The Sultry Speedy Chicken of Sanguine Secret Ops, Operation Tranquility Recovery Magic is good to go, and I am trusting the fractal flowers. Wham Boom.
Revisiting some wise important words of truth from past-me.
Four years ago I wrote a post on discouragement. Everything I said there is still useful. It was interesting (and — haha, yes, discouraging! though then not!) for me to read it and realize that only one of the four people I listed there as the ones I look up to is still in my life, my wonderful uncle Svevo.
It was a sad moment, except then it turned into a strong one, because I was able to see again and realize that yes, okay, even as everything ends, changes, reconfigures, I am still held, I am still okay, I am still here.
Svevo is still here too. I get to see him in a couple of days. And new allies come in to my life when they’re needed, just like one of these four beautiful people predicted. All is well. Nothing is wrong. I have had the right people for me in my life, and I continue to have the right people for me in my life, and maybe some of the ones who are gone will come back, and either way it will be okay.
Superpowers…
Powers I had this week…
I had the power of steady perspective, and the power of No One Gets To Talk To Me Like That Because I Am A Queen.
Superpowers I want.
The superpower of I Take Care Of Myself Calmly, Easily and Unapologetically.
The Salve of glowing love.
This salve feels like a breath right into the center of your heart.
It touches your skin, and then your heart breathes. It breathes differently, like it just got an infusion of soft sunshine. There is a warming, and then a deepening, and then you can feel the glow spreading.
You can glow this glow inward through your body, and outward through your space.
You can let it glow itself, ner tamid, the eternal spark-flame. Literally it means the forever candle.
This is the salve of I remember that I am a forever candle.
This salve makes worry unnecessary, it invites in peacefulness. Everything that isn’t mine leaves. Everything that is mine returns.
It is a salve of letting go and a salve of receiving in equal measure. It is lovely in the bath, and it smells faintly of cloves.
If salve does not appeal, you can have this in tea form, as a bath, cocktail, whatever works for you. Not only is there enough salve, there are also enough ways to receive it.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
This week’s band is called Jet Rock The Boat, they are brought to you by autocorrect, they play music that reminds me of The Cure (sad Cure, not happy Cure), and it’s actually just one guy.
Attenzione! Attention, AGENTS.
I am still recommending the Emergency Get Calm, Quiet And Steady techniques, since they are keeping things good around here for me.
So I want to seed a reminder that this is a thing, and it helps, a lot. Not just with calming down in the moment but with building the kind of habits that allow you to change your relationship with whatever is scary or uncomfortable.
I hardly ever recommend these because the page is already many years old and needs rewriting. However, copywriting aside, this is still one of the best things I have ever made, by a lot. I have two boxes in my office full of the sweetest thank you notes from people, and so many of them are for this.
Come play if you like…
Join me in the comments. Some of us share hard and good, some of us say hi, or maybe we’re feeling quiet. My ritual doesn’t have to be your ritual. Whatever works for you. We’ve been doing this every week for years now and there still isn’t a right way. Feel free to leave pebbles (or petals!), hearts, warmth, sweetness. Those always work.
Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We don’t give advice.
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever you like, it’s no big deal. And I am blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers. I love that you are here too.