What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
Wish 266: Operation Grants Pass
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
♡
What do I want?
Oh you guys. This weeks’s wish is so very loaded for me. I’m not even sure how to talk about it.
I think we’re going to need some secret agent code to keep this safe because the monsters are freaking out so hard right now.
Safety First! That’s how we do things.
There was a scholarship thingy.
Let’s not call it that. Anagrams to the rescue! There was a Splash Choir!
The Splash Choir was going to put on a show on a certain date, and to join the choir you had to show up to a practice before that happened.
Incoming me was very clear that she wanted me to splash in this choir. She reminded me over and over about the practice session. She made me write a reminder on a post-it note and put it above my bed.
She told me splashing with the choir would be a transformative experience. She said the parts that seem scary are worth the growth that this experience offers, and that I can kill it in the practice session because this particular kind of splashing is something I’m really good at.
And then I missed the practice session because I was so in my stuff about this that I couldn’t even bring myself to look online to find out when the date was.
What else do I know about this?
I felt bad about not having listened, since her suggestions are ALWAYS on target and they always pay off, and she laughed and said not to worry about it.
She reminded me that I believe in Nothing Is Wrong, and so does she.
We did some practicing related to forgiveness and presence and Now Is Not Then, and talked to some of the monster crew who were very upset about how I’d Screwed Up My Only Opportunity, even though of course they were the ones behind the paralysis of not being able to take a step towards even admitting I wanted the thing I wanted.
And then there was an announcement that the practice session had been postponed for a few days, and I can still make it to the practice session.
What do I know about what I want?
This is about receiving, and my ability to receive.
Which is pretty fitting, because this is my year of Emerging & Receiving, and these are the things I need to figure out, so of course they are stuck right now.
This is also related to my big current Lioness Self adventure*, which has to do with the thing Incoming Me keeps saying:
It. Doesn’t. Matter. What. They. Think.
What do I know about this so far?
There is so much fear for me tied up in asking for help.
Showing up to splash with the choir means being deeply vulnerable. There’s lots of fear about what people will think about me if I get into the choir, especially if that means they don’t get into the choir, because there is only one opening this year.
Right now small scared me is having a lot of trouble believing that it doesn’t matter what they think.
There is fear about misunderstandings, about having to explain myself or defend myself.
There are painful memories about Operation Resilience, when I really, really, really needed help, desperately.
I asked people for help who were not the right people to ask, and they told me that it was selfish of me to ask. And then I stopped asking, and things got really bad.
There is so much pain, so much fear, so much sadness. And: now is not then. Now is new.
What will help with this?
A new frame. What if I stop thinking of it as a scholarship and think of it as a grant instead? I’m going to do splash choir stuff anyway, and this is a way to do more of it.
A grant. Grants Pass. It’s a passage.
Grants Pass came into my mind because this weekend a completely brilliant and crazy series of events happened, and clues were flying all over the place and I was standing there with my jaw on the floor, and then I picked up a flyer about something happening in Grants Pass, Oregon. It seemed like another clue.
Anyway. A grant is a good frame for me. A splash choir is a good frame for me. Language and play. This will help. Operation Grants Pass it is. Or Grants Splash…
You know what else is good? For me, I mean. Asking for reassurance from friends.
Max asked, “Hey do you think they might have extended the deadline just for you?”
Richard said: “It’s not evil or messed up to say YES to a sweet thing life offers you.”
That is a form of asking I can do, and it is helpful.
Baths are helpful. Naps are helpful. Talking to incoming me is helpful. Finding the good is helpful.
Where do I want to start?
I want to work backwards.
Let’s say there’s a version of me who has already gotten into the Splash Choir and feels amazing about it? What can she tell me?
Let’s reverse-engineer this thing.
Anything else?
I can use the Floop.
I can write a love letter.
I can tell a story. I am good at telling stories. I don’t have to tell the whole story. I can tell bits and pieces of a story. I can dance. I can dance this out. In my safe rooms for her, and safe rooms for my fears.
Where do I want to start?
Interview incoming me to find out what she knows.
Skip stones as often as possible.
Dance. Intensity. Writing. Red lipstick. Eight breaths. My body gets the deciding vote.
Use the compass. Eight breaths: one in each direction.
Pleasure. Presence. Ease. Comfort. Emerge. Receive. Glow. Wild.
Say thank you in advance.
Me: Hey, slightly-wiser me, what do you have for me?
She: They changed the deadline for the choir because they didn’t find the splasher they wanted. You are the right splasher for this choir. This choir is the right place for you to splash. If that changes, that’s fine. Right now though, this is your beautiful challenge. The win isn’t getting to be in the choir. The win is showing up and saying “YES I WANT TO SPLASH”. And the biggest win will be the point of not caring what anyone thinks about your splashing, but in the meantime it is still a hugely important win to know that you care and still try.
Of course you have pain around this. It’s your stuff. And. There is treasure in this.
The superpower of coming into your superpowers.
August is Emerging in the Fluent Self calendar.
The superpower of coming into your superpowers.
This is exactly what I need. I am ready to come into my superpowers, including the superpower of knowing that it doesn’t matter what they think, and the superpower of receiving gifts that are winging their way to me. So let’s do this.
Oh wow, what beautiful wishes.
Oh, wow. What beautiful wishes.
What else do I want?
- Everything is easier than I thought, and look, miracles everywhere.
- I have the best time dancing in my ballroom.
- This doesn’t require my input!
- Ha, it’s so perfect that it turned out like this. Past me is a GENIUS
- I have what I need, and I appreciate it. There are resources to do this.
- Trust and steadiness. I can see why this moment is good.
- I am fearless and confident. I do the brave things and it is not even a big deal, and I still get sparklepoints, yay.
- The superpower of Everything Enhances My Superpowers.
- Ops: Real Seeing. The Protocols. Sip Hint Learn. The Panache Brigade!
Clues?
Ohmygod this week has been nothing but one clue after another. Brazil, again, and then again. Anchors everywhere. Last week I tried things on for size and this week the shoes that don’t feel good suddenly feel fine.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
So. Last week, aka lioness self in the isles of lens…
Well, my lessons are here, and I have my work cut out for me. I know what the missions are. Be okay with receiving. Delight in receiving. And know that it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks.
Easier said than done, yes? But I know where to start, and I’m doing the work and things are moving and changing. It was the right wish at the right time.
Attenzione! Attention, AGENTS.
I wish to whisper a whisper about the Monster Manual! It comes paired with the world’s best coloring book, which does so much monster-dissolving magic that even if you wait to try the techniques, you’ll still feel better about everything.
Self-fluency is hard enough, we need ways to to interact with the thoughts-fear-worry-criticism that shuts down creative exploring. And when people get the manual, I am able to me spend more time writing here. So if you don’t need help with monsters, get one for a friend. Or plant a wish that someone gets it for you! And bring people you like to hang out here. The more of us working on our stuff, the better for all of us. ♡
Keep me company?
Consider this an open invitation to deposit wishes, gwishes, personal ads. In any size/form you like, there’s no right way. Updates on past experiments are welcome too, as is anything sparked for you.
Commenting culture: This is safe space for creative exploration. We are on permanent vacation from care-taking and advice-giving. We are here to play.
Let’s throw things in the pot! And: Amnesty. Leave a wish any time you want.
xox
Chicken 315: trying things on for size
It is Friday and we are here.
{a breath for Friday}
What worked this week?
Saying thank you.
And sharing my thank-yous.
Next time I might…
Remind myself about the relationship between rest and [everything else].
Naps are portals and bridges to healing things. For me.
And I forget this.
Eight breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
- Some body stuff going on. Left foot. Right hand. A small burn. A breath for taking better care of myself.
- In addition to last week’s Alarming Estimates for house repairs, my dentist informed me that there are things that need to be fixed. This never happens! Except it’s happening now. A breath for ease, comfort and perfect simple solutions.
- We invested in new equipment for the imaginary chocolate shop, and it was so expensive, and there was just no way around it. A breath for breathing through.
- Of course we somehow ordered the wrong equipment, and of course there were endless complications with the delivery and of course it arrived on a 90 degree day and of course it took hours for me and Richard to unload all the heavy boxes because we didn’t know anyone who could help. A breath for everything about this situation and for new forms of support coming in.
- Got seriously overloaded during the workshop weekend. A combination of too much intel and too much time around people. A breath for falling apart.
- At the point with my dancing where I can catch so things that aren’t working and I know why and I know what to do about it, and just not able to implement yet. A breath for being just past the beginning of the montage sequence….
- Travel and logistics and so many things to be done, so many things on hold. A breath for trust.
- Inhale, exhale. Goodbye, mysteries and hard moments of this week.
Eight breaths of good, reassuring, delight-filled.
- Wally Walsh, wizard of bodywork, was able to do miracles with my back. I went from being in pain and having very limited range of motion to feeling completely fine. A breath for movement, and for love.
- Last week’s new understanding related to my relationship with dance has been bearing fruit of the best kinds. A breath for knowing what I want and how to get there.
- The workshop weekend with Brandi Tobias was incredible. I have pages of furiously scribbled notes, some of which are hilarious (“don’t be a baby skunk!”), and drills to play with, and a thousand shining epiphanies. A breath for the thrill of understanding new things. Or old things in a new way.
- I had all kinds of great dances with people this week. A breath for delight in life.
- Grand adventures of various kinds. Getting Redirected. Ending up at a Bosnian cafe and discovering clues. A breath for discovery.
- Writing, writing, writing and more writing. A breath for pleasure and for process.
- I am in California having an adventure related to Operation Gem Springs. I am finding the treasure. I am trying new things. A breath for everything about this.
- Appreciation and thankfulness. I am learning the things I want to learn. Incoming me is wise and hilarious and gives me good counsel. Red lipstick. Lovely surprises. Nothing is wrong. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. So many things are good. A breath for deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.
WHAM BOOM! Operations completed.
Lots of progress on ongoing missions, specifically Provisioning and Tiny Liberations. Wham Boom.
Superpowers!
Powers I had this week…
The power of Trying Things On For Size (in all senses), and being okay with what doesn’t fit.
Superpowers I want.
The power of Whatever Is Happening Automatically Enhances My Superpowers.
Salve. The Salve of Supported.
When you rub this salve into your skin, you suddenly become aware of all the forms of support that are already in your life.
The basic ones like oxygen and gravity.
Support in the form of beauty: Trees and flowers. Vibrant colors. Marvelous smells.
Support in the form of resources — internal and external — available to you whether you remember to call on them or not.
All the hidden forms of support are visible for you now and activated for you, in such a way that accessing them is now easy and uncomplicated. This salve only activates forms of support that are safe for you to receive, no strings attached, no stuff attached. This is support in pure-essence.
This salve adds grace to everything. And — here’s something interesting: this salve makes it easier to try things on for size.
When you remember how much support there is for you, it’s not a big deal to let things go that don’t fit…
If salve does not appeal, you can have this in tea form, as a bath, cocktail, whatever works for you. Not only is there enough salve, there are also enough ways to receive it.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
This band is called The Fly Ribbon Sutras, they play indie banjo covers of Tom Waits songs and it’s actually just one guy.
Attenzione! Attention, AGENTS.
My writing/righting retreat is full. (PASSWORD: oneword)
Is this something you would want another chance at doing in the future? Let me know.
You don’t have to think you’re a writer, you don’t have to write, nothing is required other than that you want quiet time to be deeply creative, wildly inspired, and take some mostly self-guided time for internal exploration or whatever appeals to you.
Come play if you like…
Join me in the comments. Some of us share hard and good, some of us say hi, or maybe we’re on silent retreat. My ritual doesn’t have to be your ritual. Whatever works for you. Almost three hundred weeks of this and there still isn’t a right way.
Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We don’t give advice.
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever you like, it’s no big deal. And I am blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers. I love that you are here too.
Wish 265: lioness self in the isles of lens
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
♡
What do I want?
I’ve been thinking out loud (okay, by text) with a few fellow secret agents recently about receiving, and how hard this is or can be.
About how much tangled up guilt/shame/stuff we have about it, and about the lessons inside of all this, related to accepting and receiving in various forms.
Lessons all over the place. Except bleah, life lessons is such a depressing phrase so I threw it in the anagram generator:
Selfless Ion. Lioness Self! Feels In Loss. Senses of I’ll. So Fill Sense. Foes Sell Sin. Isles of Lens!
The lesson isn’t really a lesson.
It’s a present, and a practice.
Or, to riff on something wonderful Max said, it’s like a meeting-up between one aspect of you and another aspect of you where you go, oh, right. And then you high five.
Or maybe you cry first and then hug it out.
What do I know about what I want?
I’m currently in many moments and experiences that fall into this category.
And I think it would in fact be helpful to be my Lioness Self:
Courageous, steady, beautiful, fully alive and present, equally committed to napping and to going after what I want, powerful, dynamic, bounding, moving forward with slinky cat steps.
This is, hilariously, all the same things I happen to be working on right now in my relationship with dance.
What I would like is to stop fighting the lessons, to stop grinding wheels, and start playing with all this intel my patterns are showing me.
To look up and recognize that this is a chance to meet Incoming me, not another reason to think I’m terrible at life, which is the au courant monster-theory.
What do I know about this so far?
Here’s what always helps:
Taking sweet pauses, saying yes to the red lights, remembering the purple pills, saying thank you to the broken pots.
And, really, saying thank you to — and for — everything I can think of.
Not because I “should” feel thankful. Not adding to guilt with more guilt.
This is not at all about diminishing the experience of the things that are hard, painful and challenging. Acknowledgment and legitimacy for the hard, always. Safety first!
Finding the good as a way of remembering my Lioness Self.
What else do I know about my Lioness Self in the Isle of Lens?
This has to do with presence and paying attention.
Noticing patterns, without judging myself for having the pattern (still, the monster chorus wants to add), or for being in it.
Noticing, especially, all the ways in which I care — a lot — about what other people think, when caring what they think falls into the category of Not My Job.
Remembering what Incoming Me said:
It. Doesn’t. Matter. What. They. Think.
Let go of this, my love. It is time to let this go.
What is an Isle of Lens?
It is the place where perspective is new.
It is the place of remembering truth.
It is quiet, a sanctuary. Just like not speaking. Being someone who lives in quiet has created my own Isle of Lens. It has gotten me to this point where I can access my Lioness Self.
I mean, I wouldn’t even know about my Lioness Self if I hadn’t first gotten quiet and steady enough to listen.
What do I want to try?
Noticing all the ways and moments in daily life which demonstrate that I am comfortable with receiving. Saying thank you for that.
Noticing all the ways and moments which demonstrate that I am deeply tangled up in these [Selfless Ions / Life Lessons], and resisting receiving things, experiences or intel that are being given to me.
Practicing radical forgiveness, internally directed. This freaks out the monsters, so we will call it something else.
Basically though, it’s this:
Remembering that past-me was in a rough place, she was working with minimal intel, she didn’t have the skills and tools we have now, she was functioning on very little sleep with very few resources, she didn’t know how to take care of herself.
Everything she did and every choice she made came from good intentions, she was doing what she could with the tools and information she had at the time. Maybe me-now would choose differently, and that’s fine. The point is, she was doing her best to get us here, and we made it! I’m here now.
And the best thing I can do is to glow love and appreciation for her, create safety for her, build safe rooms for her, and safe rooms for my fears.
Where do I want to start?
Interview incoming me to find out what she knows.
Skip stones as often as possible.
Dance. Intensity. Writing. Red lipstick. Eight breaths. My body gets the deciding vote.
Using the compass. Eight breaths: one in each direction.
Pleasure. Presence. Ease. Comfort. Emerge. Receive. Glow. Wild.
Saying thank you in advance.
Me: Hey, slightly-wiser me, what do you have for me?
She: Do you think your Lioness Self cares about whether or not people like her? Do you think she gives up on things that are important to her to accommodate other people’s fears, perceptions and distortions about who she is?
Her not-caring is not selfish. Her not-caring is part of her embodied grace.
The superpower of coming into your superpowers.
August is Emerging in the Fluent Self calendar.
The superpower of coming into your superpowers.
Look what’s emerging. A new relationship with “lessons” and a new relationship with receiving. I’ve spent the past couple of years and especially the past couple months letting go and letting go and letting go some more, emptying out. It makes sense that emerging and receiving is what is next.
And since this is the Year of Emerging & Receiving, of course that’s what is happening.
I named it in advance, and naming things in advance is a weird witchy magic. Or it’s not and it just provides a lens — an isle of lens — to give a new understanding of what is happening anyway.
Oh wow, what beautiful wishes.
Oh, wow. What beautiful wishes.
What else do I want?
- Everything is easier than I thought, and look, miracles everywhere.
- I have the best time dancing in my ballroom.
- This doesn’t require my input!
- Ha, it’s so perfect that it turned out like this. Past me is a GENIUS
- I have what I need, and I appreciate it. There are resources to do this.
- Trust and steadiness. I can see why this moment is good.
- I am fearless and confident. I do the brave things and it is not even a big deal, and I still get sparklepoints, yay.
- The superpower of Everything Enhances My Superpowers.
- Ops: Real Seeing. The Protocols. Sip Hint Learn. The Panache Brigade!
Clues?
Trying things on for size. The phrase “Rock On”. How do you catch flies?
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
So. Last week, aka lovingly curated…
This was super helpful for me. I was able to practice [treasuring my space] in a variety of ways.
I went through my phone and deleted every number whose name elicited a wince.
There were some I couldn’t bring myself to delete because (monsters here) What If This Person Tries To Contact You And You Don’t Know Who It Is And You Can’t Protect Yourself. So I just changed their names to things like You Don’t Trust This Person, You Don’t Like This Person, You Don’t Have To Respond.
Now they live in the Y section of my phonebook where I never look. So that was pretty great.
I also worked with this theme in taking more breaks and pauses, and in treasuring my dance space. Feeling good about this, and can’t wait to do more of it.
Attenzione! Attention, AGENTS.
I wish to whisper a whisper about the Monster Manual! It comes paired with the world’s best coloring book, which does so much monster-dissolving magic that even if you wait to try the techniques, you’ll still feel better about everything.
Self-fluency is hard enough, we need ways to to interact with the thoughts-fear-worry-criticism that shuts down creative exploring. And when people get the manual, I am able to me spend more time writing here. So if you don’t need help with monsters, get one for a friend. Or plant a wish that someone gets it for you! And bring people you like to hang out here. The more of us working on our stuff, the better for all of us. ♡
Keep me company?
Consider this an open invitation to deposit wishes, gwishes, personal ads. In any size/form you like, there’s no right way. Updates on past experiments are welcome too, as is anything sparked for you.
Commenting culture: This is safe space for creative exploration. We are on permanent vacation from care-taking and advice-giving. We are here to play.
Let’s throw things in the pot! And: Amnesty. Leave a wish any time you want.
xox
Chicken 314: multiplied thank yous
It is Friday and we are here.
{a breath for Friday}
What worked this week?
Napping.
That was a big deal.
Tracking.
I have a period tracking app on my phone which one suspects was probably designed for people trying to move to Bolivia, though I use to know when not to schedule things.
It has a note-taking feature that I never bothered to look at, and this week I’ve been using this to note clues — a word I like better than “symptoms”. I sometimes also call these My Stomps, which is a hilarious anagram for that word I don’t like.
More useful intel than I was expecting.
Next time I might…
REMAIN INDOORS.
This phrase, in all caps, is a reference to the distressingly hilarious (and also, really, just distressing) Mitchell and Webb sketches featuring The Quiz Broadcast, a post-apocalyptic television game show where viewers are constantly reminded to REMAIN INDOORS!
Hello, good evening and REMAIN INDOORS! This is the Quiz Broadcast.
I had lots of reasons to REMAIN INDOORS this week, in many senses of that.
Literally indoors, because it was a billion degrees out and because of the giant street festival happening on the street where I work.
And remaining indoors in other ways, such as avoiding horrible places like facebook.
God, imagine The Event happening again…NO! DO NOT IMAGINE THE EVENT HAPPENING AGAIN. IT WILL CAUSE DISTRESS. THE EVENT IS IN THE PAST.
Basically everything on the internet right now should come with that kind of warning for me. Do not click! Do not read this! You will wheel-grind over this in your brain for days! Don’t go there! Remain indoors!
Eight breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
- Pulled a muscle in my back. My bodywork wizard is away and I have seven dance workshops this weekend. A breath for ease and releasing. And also for REMAIN INDOORS, because I think a lot of this tensing up has to do with other tension-inducing situations.
- Some vital home repairs need to be made and the estimates we got were alarming. A breath for perfect simple solutions..
- Attention span was non-existent this week. Trouble focusing. A breath for presence.
- So much pain in the world. A breath for May Peacefulness Prevail, and for turning inward so that I can add contribute more peacefulness.
- Making big changes. A breath for all the dust that gets kicked up when that happens.
- Did not have fun at the Wednesday dance, the thing I look forward to all week. A breath for things being the way they are, and for finding the treasure.
- Frustrating things happening with the chocolate shop. A breath for trust.
- Inhale, exhale. Goodbye, mysteries and hard moments of this week.
Eight breaths of good, reassuring, delight-filled.
- Operation White Out was one of the most fun things I’ve done in forever. The noir gunslinger was in town and we were dressed elegantly in all white and shared the most glamorous picnic of all time, followed by cocktails at my favorite bar that I never go to. We colored with tiny colored pencils. We had a Grand Adventure with many, many good surprises. White. Out. So good. A breath for shaking things up.
- I came to a clean, clear, beautiful decision or understanding related to my relationship with dance, and then I acted on it, and this was marvelous. A breath for being through the tumultuous identity-crisis period and finally knowing what I want and how to get there.
- Operation 33, which has been on hold for the past two months, is finally in motion, and with it a bunch of other missions. A breath for forward movement, and for excitement.
- Even though I didn’t enjoy myself at the dance, I was able to implement several of the things I’m working on and practice good technique. Even better, I was able to find the good. A breath for being really clear about what I want and need.
- Dance! Seven workshops this weekend and then the Galactic Swingtacular, plus I signed up for a series of tango workshops in October. We’re doing this. A breath for joyfully committing to life and aliveness.
- Sent out the latest YEARbook, am finishing up the next one, wrote many, many beautiful words for the Internalship. For a week in which I wasn’t able to focus, an astonishing amount of getting things done. A breath for remembering this.
- I am finding the treasure, even when it’s hard, and even when the hard things are the treasure. I am finding it. A breath for being able to treasure things.
- Appreciation and thankfulness. I have the most wonderful housemate in the world. I have a Wonderfully Tranquil home. I found a dance teacher I connect with. Incoming me is wise and hilarious and gives me good counsel. Red lipstick. Lovely surprises. Nothing is wrong. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. So many things are good. A breath for deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.
WHAM BOOM! Operations completed.
The Secret Dinner was a smashing success. Operation White Out was the best op ever. Operation Kaleidoscope Compass is complete. Wham Boom.
Superpowers!
Powers I had this week…
The power of finding the good. This is actually the superpower I asked for last week, and it kicked in hard around Thursday.
Superpowers I want.
The power of trusting rest.
Salve. The Salve of Tiny Thank Yous.
This salve works in two equally wonderful ways.
As it softens into your skin, you are able to receive all the thank-yous that exist for you. Any time someone has thought of you with appreciation, adoration, gratitude and love, those qualities come streaming into your space in the most pure, safe, just-right-for-you, easy-to-receive form ever.
And at the same time this is happening, you also fill up on your own thank-you heart. Accessing gratitude and appreciation is suddenly easy and comfortable. The default, not something to forget and remember.
This salve multiplies all the thank-yous in your life, with so much grace and ease that you can’t help smiling.
If salve does not appeal, you can have this in tea form, as a bath, cocktail, whatever works for you. Not only is there enough salve, there are also enough ways to receive it.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
This band is called Hot For Logistics, they are a steampunk rockabilly sextet though I’m not even sure how that works because actually it’s just one guy.
Attenzione! Attention, AGENTS.
There are TWO SPOTS left in my writing retreat that is not a writing retreat. It’s a Righting retreat.
You don’t have to think you’re a writer, you don’t have to write, nothing is required other than that you want quiet time to be deeply creative, wildly inspired, and take some mostly self-guided time for internal exploration or whatever appeals to you.
Come read the page because 1) I swear a lot, 2) I make a pun that is also truth, 3) there is a cloud that makes me smile, 4) I can’t be the only person who longs for this, 5) I just made a thing and would love company, 6) TWO SPOTS LEFT.
—-> https://fluentself.com//righting/ —-> PASSWORD: oneword
Come play if you like…
Join me in the comments. Some of us share hard and good, some of us say hi, or maybe we’re on silent retreat. My ritual doesn’t have to be your ritual. Whatever works for you. Almost three hundred weeks of this and there still isn’t a right way.
Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We don’t give advice.
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever you like, it’s no big deal. And I am blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers. I love that you are here too.
Wish 264: lovingly curated
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
♡
What do I want?
The past few months of asking “What happens when I treasure myself?” have brought me to the realization that treasuring my space (both external and internal) is the thing I need to learn, the next mission.
Since my last visit to the Vicarage, I’ve been clearing all kinds of things out of my home and workspace and the Playground, letting them find their way to better homes for them.
I haven’t really had a name for what I’m doing, until Saturday morning when I awoke with this phrase resting in my mouth, a gift from the sleep fairies, or from my heart:
Lovingly Curated
It is both completely right, and also at the same time something is missing. It’s a partial name, or a partial concept.
So my wish for this week has to do with both the experience of Lovingly Curated (and being the loving curator), and learning more about this concept to have a better understanding of what it is that I want.
It is a wish about process, and a wish about approach, at the same time.
What do I know about this so far?
I just flashed on something and I’m not sure how to explain it.
When I opened the Playground (my retreat center), four years and three months ago, if you can believe it’s been that long, I had very strong feelings about what could go inside. I wanted things to be Just Right.
Gradually I realized that the best thing I could do for both the Playground and the people who come play was to let go of any kind of vision or rules about Just Right.
Richard’s instinct to paint walls in bright colors (crimson! wild orange!) was absolutely on target, even though it never would have occurred to me. Things came in — toys, costumes, decorations, that I wouldn’t have chosen for the space but they worked. More importantly, everyone used them and delighted in playing with them.
I watched Rally people invent brilliant costumes and build the most creative forts, from objects I would probably have vetoed due to attachment to Just Right. They found clues in books I wouldn’t have picked. They uncovered treasure in things I didn’t value.
This was eye-opening for me, and helped release rules about how it “should be”.
Flash forward to now. We have accumulated so much. And I haven’t curated. Unless I have a strong negative reaction to an object, it gets to hang out at the Playground.
Now I’ve reached the point where it is time to let things flow out again.
Flowing out again….
Last week while clearing things out, I found a Reflecting (shhh, it’s a collage, and for some reason I am allergic to the word collage) from November 2011 at a Rally.
I’d forgotten that I’d made it, and the theme was — GET THIS! — treasuring my space.
It was beautiful. And I’d pasted that delicious William Morris quote:
Have nothing in your houses that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful.
It is time to start curating again. Making conscious love-infused choices about what gets to live in my spaces.
What else do know about [Lovingly]?
It is both the right word and not the right word. I need some synonyms for lovingly. Fondly curated? No. Passionately curated? No. Adoringly? No.
None of those is even close to what I am trying to get at. Hmmm. What are the elements in here? When I say lovingly, in this context, what kind of lovingly is it?
Lovingly =
+intentional +presence +with love +sweetness +grace +warmth +really there for this experience + engaged +alive +interacting +charged +knowing that this mission is vital
So it’s about presence. Doing an action that is infused with love, in a way that is infused with love and with an intention that is infused with love.
Loving is the right word. And it is a love that is very engaged. Okay, I don’t know where this is going at all, and it’s still good to have this additional intel.
What do I know about this?
There is a lot of emotion tangled up in this.
Clearing out physical objects can be surprisingly fraught. Or not surprisingly at all, if you hang out in the world of people who think about “organizing” (oh that unfortunate word!) and related themes.
There is all the emotional dust that gets kicked up, as Cairene puts it, when you start to examine what’s in your space.
And the identity stuff. Questioning choices that past-me made, even though I know from experience that she was always doing the best she could to the best of her abilities with the intel she had at the time, and everything she did was for me-now. Agonizing about choices related to future-me, even though I know there are no wrong choices as long as I’m acting from love.
There is the usual parade of monsters who think this is all stupid, and the Time Gremlins who think it’s an extravagant and shameful waste of time.
Speaking of shame.
So much shame.
That’s the big emotion that gets trapped (and revealed) for me when it comes to working with my stuff about Space.
Space, Time, Money and Love. The four big themes where our pain shows up.
So there’s shame in here, and fear. Which means there is opportunity for release. It also means SAFETY FIRST and PLAY AT THE EDGES, because any encounter with big emotion requires as much safety as possible.
Lovingly curating my internal space means committing to making this experience safe for myself. That’s important too.
Where do I want to start?
Talking to incoming me, the one who enjoys being a Loving Curator, and finding out what she knows.
Skip stones as often as possible.
Dance. Intensity. Writing. Red lipstick. Eight breaths. My body gets the deciding vote.
Using the compass. Last week’s is perfect. Eight breaths: one in each direction.
Simplicity. Delight. Ease. Beauty. Anchor. Release. Glow. Wild.
Saying thank you in advance.
Me: Hey, Incoming Me aka Slightly Wiser Me! What do you know?
She: Love the curation. Love your role as the curator. You are the treasure and you are the treasurer (and the Treasurer!). Making choices about your space is a form of exercising your sovereignty, you have yearned for this.
So this is a gift, not a chore. When you catch yourself turning it into a task, pause for breath, take the purple pills, and start over. This is an adventure, a passionate summer fling, a voyage you have longed for. Let it be that.
How does this relate to Tranquility?
July is Tranquility in the Fluent Self calendar.
Superpower: Remembering that Now Is Not Then.
Tranquility is the companion to lovingly curated. This isn’t the kind of re-ordering I’ve done in the past where EVERYTHING MUST LEAVE. No violence or destruction this round. An emptying with calm and sweetness, curiosity and patience. Tranquility is my anchor.
Oh wow, what beautiful wishes.
Oh, wow. What beautiful wishes.
What else do I want?
- Everything is easier than I thought, and look, miracles everywhere.
- I have the best time dancing in my ballroom.
- This doesn’t require my input!
- Ha, it’s so perfect that it turned out like this. Past me is a GENIUS
- I have what I need, and I appreciate it. There are resources to do this.
- Trust and steadiness. I can see why this moment is good.
- I am fearless and confident. I do the brave things and it is not even a big deal, and I still get sparklepoints, yay.
- Ops: Real Seeing. The Protocols. Sip Hint Learn. The Panache Brigade!
Clues?
At last week’s Waltz Brunch I had an absolutely incredible dance to this song . This is actually a perfect example of the question of curation. This is not a song I would normally listen to by choice for more than about three seconds, but during the magic of the dance, I heard it.
The longer the waiting, the sweeter the kiss.
There’s a lot in that phrase, but right now what I am taking from it is that everything I haven’t done until now is not Terrible Choices or procrastination, as my monsters would have it, it is just the time I needed to take to make these new kisses sweeter.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
So. Last week, aka a wild abundance of dance partners…
Imagining my projects as dance partners has been unbelievably helpful. And at the Wednesday dance, I had an actual wild abundance of actual dance partners, which never, ever happens there. Especially since there were a million follows and people who dance way better than I do. That’s usually a dance where I do a lot of watching, and this week it was a place to do a lot of dancing.
I also wish to report that Operation White Out was a huge success with a (yes!) wild abundance of pretty much everything.
Attenzione! Attention, AGENTS.
I wish to whisper a whisper about the Monster Manual! It comes paired with the world’s best coloring book, which does so much monster-dissolving magic that even if you wait to try the techniques, you’ll still feel better about everything.
Self-fluency is hard enough, we need ways to to interact with the thoughts-fear-worry-criticism that shuts down creative exploring. And when people get the manual, I am able to me spend more time writing here. So if you don’t need help with monsters, get one for a friend. Or plant a wish that someone gets it for you! And bring people you like to hang out here. The more of us working on our stuff, the better for all of us. ♡
Keep me company?
Consider this an open invitation to deposit wishes, gwishes, personal ads. In any size/form you like, there’s no right way. Updates on past experiments are welcome too, as is anything sparked for you.
Commenting culture: This is safe space for creative exploration. We are on permanent vacation from care-taking and advice-giving. We are here to play.
Let’s throw things in the pot! And: Amnesty. Leave a wish any time you want.
xox