What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
Friday Chicken #251: Not Actually Scottish
Where I cover the good and the hard in my week, visiting the non-preachy side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
I am at the Vicarage, retreating into even more silence than I normally play with, and channeling the superpowers of Succinctness and Sweet Grounded Blissful Steadiness.
What worked?
Trust, trust and more trust.
This is right.
What about this? Yes, also right.
What if I drop everything and let a nap take me? This is very right!
What if I’m not sure if this is the right choice? This moment of hesitation is also right.
What if I can’t remember that this is true? Yes, this is fine.
I can’t screw this up if I meet myself with kindness. And if I can’t meet myself with kindness, this will somehow turn out okay too.
Next time I might…
Name the wells.
And just keep repeating them until I remember.
The hard.
- This is the kind of mission where I am very in touch with HQ, but not in touch with anyone else. It is hard.
- Wanting to touch base.
- Not wanting to touch base.
- Worrying about things beyond my control.
- Listening for miracles.
- Too many choices.
The good.
- Silence.
- Water.
- Horizon.
- Spaciousness.
- Naps as Portalbridges to Healing..
- Everything can be a portalbridge to anything..
- Remembering why I’m here…
- Sweet stillness.
- The compass.
- Listening to Incoming Me.
- This is right.
Superpowers!
A superpower I had this week…
The superpower of pausing to enter everything with extra power.
And a superpower I want next week.
The superpower of Integration. Taking all of the superpowers home with me. Feeling at home in succinctness.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
Background. Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once invented hanging out at the Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
This week’s band by way of my brother. They’re called:
Gravestone Veto Power
He says: “Isn’t that a Scottish glam-metal band? But really it’s just one wee laddeh.”
INDEED.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
This week was all about the emergency calming the hell down for me. I live by this stuff. <3
That’s it for me …
Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!
We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
Visions #201: It has a sword.
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
Wishes from the Vicarage….
The quality and superpower of Succinctness.
The situation. And background.
I have recently become obsessed with Succinctness as a quality.
Which is hilarious, because I am an indefatigable storyteller who likes to use all the words.
I like to take the scenic route. Sometimes I need to visit a long, winding path to arrive at the secret truth of what I am trying to say.
And my deepest fear is that of Being Misunderstood (and then Great Doom Resulting from the misunderstandings), so I have a tendency to overclarify.
What I want.
A paring down.
An explaining less.
Letting my words and actions sit, resonate, radiate out.
Releasing the urge to over-explain.
Trust.
Trust in slowness. In the protection-blessing of red lights.
The qualities inside of the wants:
Trust. Treasure. Presence. Patience. Blissful Steadiness. Clarity. Shortcuts. Resonance.
And the superpower of knowing that this is enough.
What might help?
- I asked five of my favorite people to tell me what they know about Succinctness. Maybe I will collect this information into a document.
- Delete.
- Undo.
- Cut it in half.
- Ask over and over again: What if this is enough?
- Upon my return from Vicarage I shall play with the giant pink blow-up sword at Stompopolis that I have dubbed the Sweet Sword of Succinctness.
Anything else?
(just a smile)
I’m playing with…
Discovering what I already know about Succinctness.
What I want.
Some of these are secret agent code and some are taking a silent retreat on.
Some are qualities and some are dreams. Some are re-asks and some are pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.
- Everything that is mine returns to me.
- Shared conducting.
- Sharing, in general.
- This process is easier than I think it will be.
- I can feel the good news before it arrives.
- Everything I need is somehow right here..
- This moment is new.
- Ahahaha I am an accidental genius! SOLVED.
- Time expands as I need it to.
- This is right.
- A different kind of patronage.
Repeats from last week.
They’re that good!
- Breathe.
- Rest into miracles.
- Choosing quiet
- The labyrinth, each day new.
- Perfect simple solutions, suddenly visible!
- Operation Rest Well.
- Respecting the Seven Wells, while remembering that the First Well always comes first.
- What do I need? What do I want?
- Welcome, fears. Come this way. Straight to the hugging room! We have it all set up for you.
- Sweet blissful steadiness.
- Things that need to exit now exit gracefully.
The qualities inside of the wants:
Quiet. Shelter. Pleasure. Confidence. Permission. Alertness. Glow. Serendipity.
And the superpower of seeing exciting options that were invisible before.
Again again again. Seeing the secret holiness of everything.
Ways this could work.
I’m asking. And paying attention.
I’m playing with…
Imagining what this would feel like.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
I will silent retreat on last week..
Playing. Shelter for the comments.
What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like. Things sparked for your own process.
I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.
We ask for what we need, and we give each other space and spaciousness for the process.
This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We play.
That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!
As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox
Friday Chicken #250: I hold it. It holds me.
Where I cover the good and the hard in my week, visiting the non-preachy side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
You guys, you guys, you guys!
TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY CHICKENS!
So many chickens.
If you had told me two hundred and fifty weeks ago that this ritual was still going to be going five years later, I would have been kind of terrified, I think.
Anyway, an extra happy chickening to us.
What worked?
Committing to the sankalpa.
I brought an intention with me to [undisclosed location], and I am letting that intention be my guide.
Wearing it like a costume.
Playing with it in all the different ways.
Taking it into bed and into the shower, to my meals and to the water. I walk with it. I hold it .
It walks with me. It holds me.
Next time I might…
Oh god. I’m not sure, but it has to do with transitions..
This week involves many, many transitions.
Leaving place one to get to place two to arrive at place three.
Last time was direct. This time is complex.
I am invoking the superpower of Succinctness, and hoping
The hard.
- The reason that I am here. I mean, the other reason.
- Doubting myself.
- I went to pull the last rabbit from the last hat, and there was no rabbit. I’m not even sure it was my hat.
- The one thing I wasn’t worried about because THAT ONE THING was going to be fine while everything else fell apart was not fine at all.
- So much grief. Who even knew it was possible to experience so much grief.
- Big big pain from THEN. I knew I still had some work to do with this, but oh wow. I am into new territory.
- Last year was the year of all the barns burning, and I had to learn to watch and let them burn. This year is the year of broken pots. Which sounds easier, but somehow it hurts more.
- Transitions.
- The Sweet Reconfiguration.
- Unknowns.
- Longing.
- Sadness for past-me, who went through so much and didn’t have anyone to turn to.
- Knowing that my time away is going to end sooner than I think.
The good.
- I solved all the mysteries, by remembering something important. Well, it didn’t solve them so much as explain why everything is so hard right now. But
- Remembering.
- I am here to smile at the broken pots.
- This is the next level of the video game. Of course I don’t like it, but when I’m done, I’ll know how to smile at the broken pots.
- Horizon.
- Water.
- Body.
- Choosing rest.
- Glowing.
- Truth and quiet and presence, and the relationship between them.
- I am at the VICARAGE. Vicarage II: Electric Boogaloo. Thanks @vicarpac, the original Vicar, for that.
- My normal silence is extra silent, and I need that.
- Being Lady Bond.
- Trusting the treasures. Being present and more present.
- Getting to see people I adore.
- Freedom and spaciousness. Pleasure and grace
Superpowers!
Superpowers I had this week…
The superpower of resting into what I want instead of fighting for it.
And a superpower I want next week.
Knowing that everything is happening under the surface, and all that is needed from me is to rest and keep resting. Also: finding rest in unusual ways or places.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
Background. Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once invented hanging out at the Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
This week’s band:
The Way Of Mornings.
Though, of course, it’s really just one guy.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
I will recommend the thing I use most while turning inward: the monster coloring book and manual.
That’s it for me …
Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!
We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
A two-sentence conversation about praise and time.
I shared a love story the other day about red lights. And about loving them.
Red lights as a form of pause and pleasure. As a door into presence. Presence that comes from deliberate, intentional stopping, and an adoring commitment to sweet slowness.
Slow and more slowness.
Watching a cup of water fill, slowly, over time.
It is funny that this was already on my mind because this morning I found myself at Fressen, which is a (German, obviously) bakery/cafe here in Portal Land.
It is a place that combines German food, German thoroughness, German social-awkwardness and the wonderful thing that is German hospitality with a calm slowness that is unbelievably slow.
It is not a slowness I associate with Germany, with the exception of my many happy memories of delightfully lazy five hour breakfasts that were the hallmark of underemployed artist culture in Berlin when I lived there.
It is a slowness I associate more with say, New Mexico.
Eight and a half minutes from the moment of ordering at the counter to the moment when the interaction finally turned to the part where I got to pay for my order.
The water dispenser there drips so slowly that it takes a full three minutes to get a glass of water. Nothing to do but surrender and breathe.
That water dispenser is like a yoga pose. Or the longest, sexiest red light.
You let the glass fill with water. And you breathe.
I watched myself wanting to do anything but wait for the water.
Wanting to pick up a newspaper, check my phone, take a photo, anything really.
And at the same time, the superpower I’m currently working with is “resting into miracles”. So I thought: what if I rest into this filling of the water glass?
A tiny meditation in letting things fill up again. Emptying and replenishing, the theme of my year.
What if this unthinkably slow water dispenser (seriously, dispense is not even the correct verb here) is a gift of ALL THE SLOW STEADY BREATHS I NEED.
Through living in silence, I’ve learned to get really comfortable with pauses and space with people. What if the next part is getting comfortable with three long, slow minutes of letting something fill? As if this water dispenser is on its own form of silent retreat.
What if this water dispenser is a well? Hydration is what I want. Worth waiting for. If I want it.
Another piece of truth: I can change what I want. Freedom.
Praise.
I have not (yet?) read the book In Praise of Slowness.
Maybe because the title is so full of wisdom that I feel as though I get to absorb all I could ever need to know, just by letting those gorgeous words reverberate in the halls of my body-mind.
Praise. Slowness. In Praise. Of Slowness.
It holds the same truth as my other favorite and beautifully succinct phrase, the phrase that would be my tattoo if I wanted to cover myself in words more permanent than the ones I draw on my skin each day:
Worth Waiting For.
It is true for Guinness, and it is true for many, many, many things.
Another memory. I am also remembering that I didn’t read the book because of how Jens II always talked about it with such enthusiasm in his business-degree sort of way. As if it was strategy instead of truth.
Maybe one day. There is time. That’s the thing of it.
There is time. I praise this too.
A conversation between me and my uncle.
This is a photo of a conversation I had with my uncle, who is also my favorite person on earth.
This was the entirety of our discussion. We were both delighted by it.
The conversation was on the topic of how neither of us had taken a morning nap yet. Also on the topic of EVERYTHING.
All possible topics are covered in this note.
There is still time.
Svevo is the king of morning naps. Yes, plural.
Multiple morning naps can take place in Svevo’s morning. I love this about him. Of course, I do not see him on the days when he is teaching first grade, so I do not know what he does instead of morning naps on those days. I’m sure it is restful, charming, and playful, just like him.
The morning of our conversation, no nap had taken place.
We agreed: This is okay. Nothing is wrong. There is still time.
Some secret unsaid things inside this conversation:
- Napping is not a rule. Napping is pleasure. We can’t let ourselves get dogmatic about napping, that is silly.
- Not only will there be ample time for napping, but also there is time for lots of things. Like this interaction, twinkling at each other with eye-crinkle smiles, watching the flowers do their flower thing, all of it.
- If it happens, there was time for it.
- If it didn’t happen and it’s important, time will be found for it eventually.
- A morning nap is a delicious red light. Pause. Breathe. Percolate. Integrate.
- Sometimes not-a-nap can be its own red light too. Lots of things are pauses.
- There are so many forms of delicious red light!
Truth: There is not time for all the things I want.
There is not time for all the things I want. Like writing blog posts and running two businesses and all the things in my life right now.
There is not time for all the things I want. At least, not unless I change how I want.
But there is time for one thing that I choose to be doing now. One thing, beautifully and lovingly breathed. The one thing that is standing in for many different things.
And: There is time for all kinds of important things.
There is time to ask: If I can’t have time for all the things, what needs to go?
What needs to change in my kingdom? What needs to exit my kingdom?
There is time for recognizing: “Yeah, that bus was not my bus. I know it was not my bus because look: I am not on it.”
There is time for stopping a conversation, a meeting, an interaction and saying, “Hey, I need to pause and breathe for a minute.”
There is time for writing a secret word on the palm of your hand with your finger.
There is time to touch your heart and love it: HEART. It’s me. Hi.
There is time for five breaths of peacefulness.
Time for all kinds of important things. Time for praising all kinds of important things.
How we play here. You are invited.
This is that very rare thing that is safe space on the internet, and for that to work, we lovingly commit to not giving each other advice and not caretaking.
Within that, you can play any way you like. I am receptive to appreciation, wonder and delight, things you noticed or sparks sparked for you about red lights and related themes, ways you are going to play with this.
And I will always always always take flowers, because flowers make everything better.
Visions #200: Emergence. Yes.
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
TWO HUNDRED WEEKS of visioning today.
Wow.
We might as well celebrate. Which is convenient, because the last two of my big wishes this week are celebratory ones, and the first one is in need of some of that energy too.
Thing 1. Allowing Emergence to come from Emergency.
The situation. And background.
This week I sat with a scary work emergency and I tried to make it anything but.
I tried letting it be an adventure, an edge, a door.
But in the end I had to surrender to the true sensation of it in my body: it felt like emergency. With the parts that are urgent and vital, scary and painful, overwhelming and disheartening.
And then I noticed that “emergency” holds Emergence, a word I love.
So that’s what I want. I want Emergence to emerge from what felt like a state of emergency.
We put the EMERGENCE in… no, wait, that’s not right, we take the emergence out of emergency. It’s all emergence.
Hilariously, I also noticed this week that Compass is hiding in plain sight right inside of Compassion, a word that I often put into my word-compasses.
What I want.
Emergence. I want emergence.
Miracles to emerge. Perfect simple solutions to reveal themselves. Those moments of grace meets faith meets elegant previously-not-considered option.
And I want to feel what it is like to translate in my body from “oh no this is wrong” to “oh wait, nothing is wrong, this is useful and there are doors everywhere”.
What might help?
- NPH! Naps as portalbridges to [things that start with H].
- Asking for help.
- No, really. Asking out loud.
- Reconfiguring.
- Ask over and over again: What do I need?
Anything else?
I got some intel from (internal) HQ about quitting grad school.
(I’m not in grad school, but I had a dream about quitting grad school, and it’s become kind of a stand-in for what do I need to let go of?)
Basically what I got was that all unsovereign things (relationships, situations, encounters) need to leave. Either I end them or they get ended. Either I quit grad school or grad school kicks me.
So I’m sitting with that. Closing circles where I can. Cutting what I can. Saying thank you about endings instead of seeing them as obstacles.
Remembering that red lights don’t mean something is wrong, they mean refuge.
I’m playing with…
Putting compassion into the compass, and letting the compass have compassion.
Looking for words inside of words.
Feeling all the qualities of emergence:
Trust. Newness. Presence. Beginnings. Resetting. Order. Glow. Right timing.
Thing 2. The BUTTMONSTER COLORING BOOK!
The situation. And background.
I tried to write a page about the brand new and completely incredible buttmonster coloring book, which is my absolute favorite thing in the entire world.
Except what I have to say is:
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! Squeakitty-squeak! Ohmygod the cuteness it is unbearable.
And even though I watched everyone at last week’s Rally (Rally!) play with the new coloring book while giggling, problem-solving and having mini-epiphanies, I still don’t have anything to say.
I even asked them, and they all went, Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
So that wasn’t helpful at all. 🙂
Also everyone was really into cutting out buttmonster illustrations and gluing them into their notebooks and work stuff for instant cheering up.
What I want.
It’s Plum Duff this week, which means the Buttmonster Coloring Book is for sale, this week only.
Through Toozday night.
I want much rejoicing over the Buttmonster Coloring Book. I want the people who are excited about the wonderful world of these crazy make-everything-better creatures to be united with this coloring book.
I would like little stories about the amazing things that happened at Rally through playing with this new best thing.
What might help?
I am going to give you the link to this.
And I’m going to color in my coloring book.
Anything else?
Look at all these actual buttmonster butts!
I’m playing with…
Living the qualities of buttmonsters:
Playfulness. Glee. Possibility. Delight. Reassurance. Imagination. Calm. Everything-is-okay.
And telling you about the hidden plum duff page (PASSWORD: refuge) so that you can go there and find the buttmonster coloring book and/or adopt buttmonsters!
Trusting that thisis the exact right time for play.
Thing 3. Almost half-price Rally!
The situation. And background.
There is a massive discount on the 2014 Rallies.
This never happens, but it is happening now.
I have been [verb]-ing the magical and extraordinary thing that is Rally (Rally!) for a few years now.
TWENTY FIVE Rallies. That is a lot of Rallying.
I have learned many interesting things, including:
Rally always works. Rally works in unexpected ways, under the surface. Rallying changes how I approach everything in my life. Rallying makes me way better at being me in the world.
Mainly: The way people are after they have rallied (and I get to see this when they come to other rallies) is so remarkably different. People are more patient with themselves, more compassionate, more adventurous and curious in their internal experiments, more steadily calm and grounded, more glowingly beautifully themselves. I believe so hard in the magic of Rally.
We now have three Rallies open in 2014, and I want the people who need them to find them.
What I want.
It is currently Plum Duff (PASSWORD: refuge).
Plum Duff is a very once-in-a-while special thing that we do.
It ends late TUESDAY NIGHT, which is very, very soon.
And during Plum Duff, you can save either $900 or $1000 on Rally in 2014.
Except we call them clues instead of dollars. But still. The clues are very-reduced.
This is a very big deal. We’ve never done this. We’re also retroactively applying this to people who had already signed up for a 2014 Rally.
What might help?
I’m telling you about this now.
I’m playing with…
Rejoicing in Rally through living the qualities of Rally:
Play. Grounding. Possibility. Sovereignty. Freedom. Shelter. Good surprises. Delight.
And telling you about plum duff (PASSWORD: refuge), which is where the sale lives. Until Toozday night.
What else do I want.
Some of these are secret agent code and some are taking a silent retreat on.
Some are qualities and some are dreams. Some are re-asks and some are pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.
- Breathe.
- Easy passage.
- Easy goodbyes.
- A steadiness of purpose.
- Knowing that I have what I need. And if I don’t, I can improvise.
- Good news everywhere!
- Rest into miracles.
- Choosing quiet
- The labyrinth, each day new.
- How many ways are there to quit grad school?
- Hello, sky.
- Coded decoding..
- Preparing for the voyage.
- Safe travels. Easy transitions.
- Ask Barrington.
Repeats from last week.
Either because they’re good ones, or because they need some extra spaciousness.
- Operation Rest Well.
- Respecting the Seven Wells, while remembering that the First Well always comes first.
- Welcome, fears. Come this way. Straight to the hugging room! We have it all set up for you.
- Sweet blissful steadiness.
- Things that need to exit now exit gracefully.
I’m playing with…
Wishing
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I wanted to do way fewer things, with more presence. This actually worked. I am astonished.
I wanted to love the red lights, and I did. And I wanted NPH and Plum Duff, both of which happened. Also I asked for code and good god, was there code this week. So. Much. Code. Entire conversations in code, it was awesome.
Playing. Shelter for the comments.
What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like. Things sparked for your own process.
I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.
We ask for what we need, and we give each other space and spaciousness for the process.
This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We play.
That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!
As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox