What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
Visions #196: Thing X is mysterious!
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
Thing 1. Learning more about my relationship with Thing X.
What I want.
Well, I really wanted Thing X.
Thing X seemed like a great thing to want, because it was not at all dependent on other people or technology or anything else. It was a thing I could do — and wanted to do — for myself. With ease. All that was needed was for me to agree to set aside an hour for it.
And then I didn’t. And then I did.
But due to tired-induced zombie-state, I messed up one tiny thing while preparing for Thing X that resulted in NO THING X AT ALL FOR ME.
This was the moment at which I discovered just how attached I am to Thing X, and to the happening of Thing X. And to specifics. Nothing could be substituted. Only Thing X would do.
I also learned that I had been deeply intensely craving Thing X, not just slightly-wanting it. In fact, I didn’t even realize until it was not longer an option that I had been counting on Thing X to make up for [all the other things].
What I want here is to reveal truth. Gently, steadily and lovingly. In the safest ways possible. To investigate — with sweetness — my relationship to Thing X, and find out what needs some rewriting.
The qualities inside of the wants:
Curiosity. Play. Presence. Shelter. Steadiness. Plenty. Release. Trust
And the superpower of remembering that there is always a way of getting the essence of what I want, if not the form. Sometimes even in a better form…
More about what I know.
Thing X is related to:
Comfort. Solace. Getting quiet. Getting insight. Reconnecting to myself. Warmth. Being deeply present. It is also like a mikveh (pictures) in that you emerge from it in a different state than when you enter.
It is immersion in something important and vital.
I also know that I do not take my need and desire for Thing X as seriously as one would think, given how much I love it and crave it.
I know that Thing X has been a part of my life in some form forever.
Ways this could work.
Renaming Thing X. Possibly with metaphor mouse.
Or inventing a proxy.
Or using an acronym. Making it secret agent code. Turning it into a secret spy op.
But mainly: playing. Not letting it be this gigantic tangle of Havi Stuff that my monster crew want me to think it is. Because it isn’t.
Remembering that fear, pain, grief, whatever comes up is legitimate and understandable. Recognizing that part of learning to give myself what I need is coming to terms with the fact that yes, I am super conflicted about this. Even just with the phrase. What I need.
This is going to require some safe rooms for me-from-then.
I’m playing with…
Water. Looking at water, thinking about water, finding out what I know about water.
What I want.
Some of these are secret agent code and some are taking a silent retreat on.
Some are qualities and some are dreams. Some are re-asks and some are pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.
- Two hats want to come into the world.
- Bond Girl says: Love The Edges.
- Operation Playing With Timing.
- Continuing to protect strong radiant glowing boundaries by continuing to gracefully decline everything that isn’t wildly appealing in that moment.
- Operation S.A.Y. Y.E.S.
- Playfulness.
- The kind of healing that happens with laughter.
- I want what I want, and I am okay with wanting what I want. Releasing attachment to form, getting closer to essence.
- A sovereign answer to an unsovereign question.
- Miracles at Beach Day.
- Miracles at Stompopolis!
- What if everything else I am working on could be like FLOWERS?
- Operation F.L.O.W.E.R.S.!
- Conduct. Breathe. Conduct. Breathe.
- Bond Girl takes lead, and we delight in the thrill of anticipation, readiness, adventure, steadiness and glowing the glow of what is coming.
The qualities inside of the wants:
Courage. Wonder. Tingling presence. Radiating. Alertness. Glow. Capability.
And the superpower of remembering that everything is my ally if I want it to be.
And seeing the secret holiness of everything.
Ways this could work.
Taking a break from [thing that is uncomfortable] for however long feels right.
Operation B.A.T.H.T.I.M.E.
Asking Bond Girl.
I’m playing with…
Trust and play. Trust in play. Trust the play. Trust is play.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
Things that have already come to life: Sexy strappy sandals happened! Though not flip flops. Marisa and I took care of a big thing from the list. I went to Actual Beach Day for the first time since September.
What else? I maintained boundaries. The misunderstanding did resolve in laughter.
Agent S. returned safely from the New Orleans mission except in the meantime I discovered new things about myself and about the agency that changed the mission and my relationship to it. Agency! The mission Agent S. is currently undertaking (if that is in fact the mission) is not something I can play with. So that is new, and it is one of those things that is sad-and-good at the same time. Mostly good.
Everything else can percolate for now. And a wish from a long time ago about flowers came true this morning in the most marvelous and unexpected way!
Playing. Shelter for the comments.
What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like. Things sparked for your own process.
I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.
We ask for what we need, and we give each other space and spaciousness for the process.
This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We play.
That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!
As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox
Friday Chicken #245: the secret language of picnics.
Where I cover the good and the hard in my week, visiting the non-preachy side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
What worked?
Listening.
Listening to what I wanted.
To trees. To instinctive pull. To inclination and disinclination. To judgment and distortion. To the secret language of picnics. To questions I didn’t understand, trying to hear the question behind the question.
To music that is like this and music that is like that. To Bond Girl aka Incoming Me.
Listening more.
Bond Girl told me where to go dancing and when.
I got there and did not like. That’s not true. Loved the music and the concept, atmosphere didn’t feel right.
There’s a protocol for that, of course. “If something doesn’t feel right and you can’t shift it, exit!”
Me: (listens!)
Bond Girl: Finish the mission. Do the thing you came here to do.
Me: I don’t know what that is yet.
Bond Girl: You’ll know what it is later. Now there is dancing to do.
Wow was she ever right.
Listening even more. And not arguing.
Bond Girl: Let’s go back inside and get a tissue.
Me: I don’t really need a tissue.
Bond Girl: And yet that’s what’s indicated.
Me: (huffy) OKAY-FINE.
Back inside, I discovered I’d left my water bottle next to the box of tissues. Then the bus was late and I was happy to have water in my wait in the sun. Later I was happy about having the tissue too.
Me: What if I hadn’t listened?
Bond Girl: All timing is right timing. Any moment can be a moment for listening.
Me: Oh. So it doesn’t matter that I listened and then didn’t listen and then listened again.
Listening more and more and more.
Now? Now. Do it? Do it.
Listening more and more and more and more than that, even.
Just when you think you’ve gotten to all the quiet, there is even more quiet underneath…
It is beautiful and cannot be described.
Next time I might…
Listen? Listen. And conduct.
The mysteries. Things I found challenging (and mysterious!).
- Fallout from other people in my space.
- You think you’ve worked through all this inherited cultural fear-programming, and then you’re awakened in the middle of the night by pounding on the door because your cousin can’t find his key, and your first thought is: Gestapo! Heart-sigh for that.
- Being around people who are in their stuff, and do not know that their stuff is their stuff.
- Still haven’t found the words that need saying.
- Silent Disco was not silent. In fact, the words “HEY IT’S SILENT DISCO, MAKE SOME NOISE!!!!” were shouted at top volume. It was loud in all different ways: jangly and ungrounded.
- Someone I love in a bout of LFP (Ludicrous Fear Popcorn), and I took it hard, because I was raised with that exact flavor of fear, and I feel strongly about how this is no way to live.
- Misunderstanding with playmate.
- Sleep doesn’t want to happen at night right now for whatever reason.
- Getting to the point of tired that is beyond not-functioning.
- You know when you find someone’s behavior in [situation] reprehensible and unjustifiable, and then you realize you’re basically doing the exact same thing to someone else in a different situation? That was this week.
- That lead to a lot of moments of “I can’t believe X doesn’t have the balls to just say [thing] to my face. Oh, wait…”
- The realization (thanks to something really good happening) that I have been putting up with a lot of crap, and that this needs to change.
- The usual What If You Just Made A Horrible Mistake monsters were in full force. Though Bond Girl wasn’t impressed. That helped.
Things I found delightful.
- This beautiful sweet week.
- Is everything extra-pretty or have I just not been paying enough attention to BEING ALIVE?
- Svevo, my favorite person in the world, stayed the weekend for more play.
- Dozing in the sun with Svevo and Noah in the park, in true Brooks fashion.
- House overflowing with flowers, inside and in the garden.
- Ending Pesach with Marisa and macncheeses.
- The New Orleans thing went better than expected, and then the thing I thought would hurt like crazy if it happened did in fact happen but was so much less painful than what I was imagining.
- Sudden decision making superpowers. I knew exactly what to do. All the previously complicated questions now suddenly have simple, clear, Bond-Girl-approved answers. Scleranthus! Yeah!
- Saturday: 73 degrees. Sat in the garden in the sun. Happy.
- Went to Silent Disco because Bond Girl told me too, and also because I like to express support for all silence-related ventures.
- Dancing all night.
- Welcome surprises. As a noun and a verb. And a superpower.
- Real Beach Day. First one since September. A thousand times better than Fake Beach Day.
- Being at the ocean with Bond Girl made it really clear how much has changed since the Vicarage. Overflowing with gratitude and appreciation.
- New superpower: Everything I encounter today is my ally.
- Discovering at the beach that a story I have been (quietly) telling myself about my life is not true! Astounding and freeing.
- Bond Girl took me on an adventure to teach me to love the edge. At the end she directed me to a spot with no bus stop, trusting that the bus would stop anyway if I smiled. It did. The bus driver: “I only stopped for that smile, you know.” Bond Girl!
- Edited something down from 3485 words to 2930. Progress.
- Good news from two different friends in Berlin.
- Picnic in the park. With red balloons and fading light. Sweetness and delight.
- I can’t stop smiling this week.
- “Solve for happy.” Wait, already solved.
- Sometimes I honestly wonder why anyone says anything at all when the things we want to say are so deliciously obvious. Maybe because it’s fun to find the courage to say them.
- It’s Worldwide Everything Is Right Day. Wait, again? Again. When I forget, I remember that this is possible. And then it is both possible and true.
- Agent White’s favorite piece of punctuation is the ellipsis. I feel strongly about how great this is.
- Feeling the way I feel right now.
WHAM BOOM! Operations completed this week:
The phrase Whoosh Ha Mastodon Boom is secret agent code that means: this op is done, baby! It is often shortened to WHAM boom.
Operation Constance Edgewalker Tries On Two Different Hats Wham boom!
Operation Red Rose Missive Wham boom!
Operation Real Beach Day Wham boom!
Reveal and Radiate Wham boom!
Whoosh Ha Mastodon Boom! Wham Boom! Wham Boom!
You may also shout (or whisper) other joyous words if you like.
Miracles!
Still. Yes. Silent retreat.
Superpowers!
A superpower I had this week…
I think my favorite one was Feeling Absolutely Fine About Being Mysteriously Awake In The Middle Of The Night.
Oooh, no, my favorite has to be Feeling Completely Glamorous While In Sneakers And Not Wearing Make-Up. That one was new and exiting.
And a superpower I want next week.
Trusting in timing. Letting things be as they are, and smiling.
Proxy of the week.
I’m just trying on hats…
Typos of the week, freudian or otherwise.
Love you, autocorrect. You speak a creepy truth.
Being “ballast” instead of ballsy. And: The bus ended up being Kate!
Salve of the week. Yours if you want it.
This salve gives everything quiet illumination and lustre.
When it is on you, everything you see, touch, feel, encounter or perceive is slightly more beautiful, slightly more pleasurable, lit up by its own light. And you glow quietly towards it, as it glows quietly at you.
These salves can’t be seen, but the production factory has delivered enough to me to distribute by way of the magic of the internet, so help yourself. There is enough.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
Background. Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once invented hanging out at the Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
But But But Sandwich.
They are the best. Though it’s actually just one guy.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
Announcements coming so very soon! Are you on the list?
That’s it for me …
Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!
We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
Visions #195: it just kind of springs up on me
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
Thing 1. Spring. Into action? Or just spring?
What I want.
It is spring. It is very much spring.
And there is this thing that happens every year. Or really, there is this story I tell in my head about a thing that happens every year.
Namely that I am not “prepared” or “ready” for spring. It just kind of … springs up on me, yes. In its springy springiness of bouncing on all the springs.
The thing is, I adore spring.
And then I go into my stuff about not having what I need to properly enjoy spring. And then I feel resentful and frustrated.
Let’s not do that this year. So I’m not sure yet if this ask is more about untangling the patterns, or if it’s about making sure that I have the tools that I need. Or if it’s about changing how I think about all of this. But here it is: spring!
The qualities inside of the wants:
Curiosity. Patience. Sweetness. Earth. Delight. Plenty. Freedom. Sun
And the superpower of trusting my instincts.
More about what I know.
(People vary, so what you need for spring might be very different. This is just for Havi.)
Havi needs to be able to 3, 2, 1 stop drop and picnic (code for drop everything and go to the park) if there is sun in her rainy land. And to comfortably do this, she needs flip flops. And a pedicure. Sunscreen. A cloth to sit on because of grass stains and sometimes mud. And to remember to shave her legs.
And a bag with water bottle, sunscreen, accordion toe-magic, notebook, pen, post-its. Maybe a snack.
Really, there needs to be a bag like this at home and at the Playground, because Havi works a lot. And two pairs of flip flops because hers are sure to be wherever she isn’t.
Bond Girl just added “sexy strappy sandals” to the list. And before the monsters could start in with “extravagant” and “not necessary” and “you can live without that” and “DOOM”, she gave them a look.
The look was kind of like, “Really? You’re not going to support my receiving the tools I need to excel at the mission?”
I chime in: “Yeah. I want to talk to Q!”
And then all the monsters volunteered to be Q. And now they are busy making me pens that are also spyglasses, and watches that have tiny hidden snacks inside of them, this is great.
Ways this could work.
Hmm. Right now the pattern is “wait to get these things until it is already sunny, then feel resentful about being indoors getting flip flops and a pedicure when I could BE OUT IN THE SUN!!!”
And since I didn’t take care of these things and now spring is here, really the only part I can change is the pattern.
So. I can practice saying “this is right”. I can remind myself that I will not run out of sun. The sun is like prime numbers. There will be more sun.
I can try doing some of these things very early or late in the day. I can let Bond Girl tell me when, where, how, and just follow instructions.
I’m playing with…
Noticing when I’m choosing to believe in Spring Just Springs Up On Me And I Don’t Get To Enjoy It And It’s Not Fair.
Noticing what I need: reassurance and reminders that I have enough, that there will be enough, that I will get to play.
Making safe rooms for me-from-then who is VERY upset about having had to go to school, period, but especially about having to sit indoors on beautiful days being bored out of her mind when she wanted and needed to frolic and be a gazelle.
What I want.
Some of these are secret agent code and some are taking a silent retreat on.
Some are qualities and some are dreams. Some are re-asks and some are pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.
- Juggling is the wrong metaphor. So what’s a better one?
- Conspiring with Svevo and with the Observer to get more information about the Orchard of the Annes and the musical accompaniment that might be involved.
- Operation What’s The Protocol Part II
- Continuing to protect strong radiant glowing boundaries by continuing to gracefully decline everything that isn’t wildly appealing in that moment. No pushback this week! PROGRESS.
- For Vicarage II (condensed mini vicarage) to happen smoothly, I need to fill out some paperwork and this is not fun. So. Operation S.A.Y. Y.E.S.
- May this misunderstanding dissolve in love and laughter. And if further steps are needed to be taken on this, may I be brave, loving and trusting enough to take them as needed.
- Agent S returns from a mission in New Orleans. I would like this to be fun, playful, easy, filled with delight.
- Presence and pleasure. Revealing truth with presence and pleasure.
- I want to add a few more things to the Bitchy Boozy questions, and I want this to be easy.
- Who will watch Around The World In Eighty Days with me?
- Wonders and delights at Stompopolis!
- Easiest HAT!
- Wait, Beach Day? Actual Beach Day? Not Fake Beach Day? Ooooooh.
- Dance dance dance. While being a fountain.
The qualities inside of the wants:
Playfulness. Perseverance. Presence. Pleasure. Grounding. Simplicity. Resonance. Flow.
And the superpower of noticing all the things, people, experiences that are playing with me, delighting with me.
Like last time: seeing the secret holiness of everything.
Ways this could work.
Walking. Dancing. Conducting. Compassing. Remembering. Being Bond Girl. Being the compass. Being the fountain. Playing with everything.
I’m playing with…
What if the “right tool for the job” is something I already have? And: If I’m using it, then it’s the right tool for the job.
Also disguises, costumes and things that don’t look like doors but are actually doors.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
Things that have already come to life: I activated the card! And found the right agent who was not Stan. Talked to the monsters. Learned about Operation Spring For This. Had joyful time with Svevo. Had (and am still having) a wonderful, easy Pesach. Came up with the dates for the announcing. Spent time with Agent Santellano and it was new, like I asked.
Everything else is progressing through percolating. I am sprinkling those asks with some affectionate attention and then letting them do their thing, trusting that if there’s more I need to know about them, it will probably show up.
Playing. Shelter for the comments.
What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like. Things sparked for your own process.
I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.
We ask for what we need, and we give each other space and spaciousness for the process.
This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We play.
That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!
As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox
Friday Chicken #244: making the call
Where I cover the good and the hard in my week, visiting the non-preachy side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
What worked?
Trust.
The hardest.
But man, when you commit to it.
Relinquishing an old idea of what “right” looks like.
I was trying to make a mission happen, and my contact (Agent Stan of Stanistan) was not playing ball.
It kept not working, and I kept trying because I was convinced that this particular agent was crucial to the mission, and then eventually I realized: wait, this is stupid and not fun.
So I asked for the new just-right agent to be my contact for this mission, and I found her and it was easy. And her name is Bee, which is the best name in the world, and she was even more helpful than Stan of the Stans had ever been.
Letting Bond Girl say when.
Now? Now.
Unapologetically following instinct.
Even when there was monster-fear about ” oh no what will people think”.
I got to 442 and it was wrong, and I left, and this was right. Like that.
Next time I might…
- Stay connected to the essence of the mission, not the form.
- More entry time.
- Ask our man in Marin for help.
- More time for Putterday.
The mysteries. Things I found challenging (and mysterious!).
- Havi Bell, known Highly Sensitive Person, should never be in a sports bar playing multiple games on multiple screens all at full volume. This is a high-anxiety experience for her .
- The thing I wanted to play with this week did not get played with. This is probably good, but I was attached to a timeline that past-me had set up, forgetting that past-me did not have as much information as I do right now.
- A perfect storm of no lunch plus late class plus change of plans plus canceled plans results in: All The Stuff At Once. Too far gone to formulate a Plan B. Frustration of “wait, I followed the plan and it didn’t work!”
- Two outrageously unsovereign relationships that need to end. Not having the words for this. Guilt about disappearing on people who think they need me.
- Someone who does not know about [my friend who is dead] and how much of a wreck I am about this, still, talking to me about how he doesn’t see the point of being alive. And I kind of lost it.
- People I care about: deep in the distortions. Not seeing the love, even though it is everywhere.
- Head full of thinky-thoughts.
- Formerly-favorite-dance-instructor has gone all motivational, and I can’t stand it. I do not need or want to be motivated. I just want to dance.
- Speaking of distortions. Hello, old friend Pronoun Is Just Not That Into You. I remember you.
- Wanting.
- Tuesday night. Being awake from 1am.
- The spell is broken. The spell was so much fun! And suddenly it is over, which is probably good because I don’t think I wanted to be under a spell. But it was amazing, and I miss it.
- Ugh why the terrible goodbyes? Why can’t they either say the thing or just disappear in that crucial moment of DOORWAY and ENDING. Anything but this “well, have a nice weekend” awkward non-endings. I had pain.
- Again it is spring and I do not have the spring things. Monsters are very loud about this.
- Ludicrous Fear Popcorn about being a hostess who isn’t providing well for her guests.
- People are in their stuff and so unknowledgeable about the fact that it is their stuff, yes.
Things I found delightful.
- Friday night.
- GNR somehow miraculously beating the Betties. Despite falling apart after the first ten minutes and being down by 80+ points and oh all is lost. I was just hoping we could close the gap and lose by less-than-fifty. BUT WE WON! By three points! In six years of crazed fandom, I have never seen my Guns N Rollers beat the Betties. It happened once in scrimmage but never in a bout.
- Miracles, miracles.
- An entirely new level of passionate presence.
- The bout demanded zebra tights, and zebra tights make everything better.
- A life-changing moment of surprousal (translation: “I didn’t realize Unlikely Thing was a turn-on for me but actually ohmygod, yes!”). New information.
- Channeling the Bond Girl superpowers of Extreme Confidence and Anything Is Possible, and having impossibly great things happen as a result.
- The Seder. It was beautiful and fun and sweet, and everything I wanted/needed.
- Two whole days of being Bond Girl.
- Following instinct lead me to the fountain which lead me to the rainbow which lead me to the clue which lead me to the healing. This was big.
- Letting things be right. This is Right.
- Running away from 442 and ending up at the Back Stage Bar for the US-Mexico match, which was the best place to watch it.
- Playmate.
- Warm day in the sun, spent napping in the garden.
- Agent A, our man in Marin, helped me solve a conundrum.
- Marisa was visiting and now Svevo is visiting, and I am happy.
- Bee! Bee!
- Vicarage II. I now know when this is happening.
- Remember my wish about the Orchard of the Annes? Favorite person ever might come with me!
- Thanks to instinct plus miracles plus Bond Girl, I now have the most gorgeous pair of boots, at 60% off.
- Fantastic results from the Bitchy Boozy Secret Spy coaching day that I taught under-the-radar and with tricksiness.
- I did a thing that I never have to do again.
- Napping date. Napping. Date. NAPPING DATE!
- I kind of don’t want to mention this because of monster-fear about jinxing it, but I have had the most flawless skin ever for the past three weeks, and this is incredibly exciting.
- Making the call. I made the call. Not that kind of call. The other kind of call.
- Fearlessness. Not something I ever expected to experience, to be honest. But there it was.
WHAM BOOM! Operations completed this week:
The phrase Whoosh Ha Mastodon Boom is secret agent code that means: this op is done, baby! It is often shortened to WHAM boom.
Operation Rewrite the Protocols Wham boom!
Operation Fractal Flowers Wham boom!
Operation Set It Up Set It Up Wham boom!
What if Stan is not the agent?! Wham boom!
Whoosh Ha Mastodon Boom! Wham Boom! Wham Boom!
You may also shout (or whisper) other joyous words if you like.
Miracles!
Everywhere.
Superpowers!
A superpower I had this week…
Releasing attachment to outcome.
And a superpower I want next week.
Being the fountain.
Proxy of the week.
Starboard, not port.
Typos of the week, freudian or otherwise.
Love you, autocorrect. You speak a creepy truth.
- Song me to sleep!
Salve of the week. Yours if you want it.
This salve invisibly softens emotional (and all forms of) scar tissue and rebuilds it as something new: a radiant protective boundary that knows about newness.
It gives you that “everything is better now” feeling, a little bit like when you give a kindergartener a bandaid that looks like balloons.
These salves can’t be seen, but the production factory has delivered enough to me to distribute by way of the magic of the internet, so help yourself. There is enough.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
Background. Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once invented hanging out at the Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
Ambivalent French Clown.
They sound kind of like you’d expect. And of course, it’s just one guy.
Thank you, Richard.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
Announcements coming soon.
In the meantime, I’ll say it again. The Monster Manual & Coloring Book. I live by this, and it’s why the mysteries and challenges of the week don’t get me down.
That’s it for me …
Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!
We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
Visions #194: of course it’s in a hollow tree
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
What I want.
Some of these are secret agent code and some are taking a silent retreat on.
Some are qualities and some are dreams. Some are re-asks and some are pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.
- There is something I need to say to a friend and I don’t want to say it. May I either find gentle loving words or not need to say it. Or some other perfect simple solution that I’m not thinking of.
- The Orchard of the Annes combined with music, yes. This will require a protocol.
- Operation What’s The Protocol.
- Continuing to protect strong radiant glowing boundaries by continuing to gracefully decline everything that isn’t wildly appealing in that moment. Notes for the internal scientists. We got pushback on this last week, but doing it was one hundred percent right. Hey Havi Bell: if someone thinks sticking to a plan is more important than you taking care of yourself, that person is not the right person for you to play with.
- A bag with someone else’s name on it. Inspired by Johannah at Rally, whose bag has “Meredith” embroidered on it.
- What would Esmerelda Butterfly do?
- Secret bolthole, take 1, round 2.
- More things that remind us of Morocco.
- Sweetness and more sweetness.
- I want to be a surfer without going in the water.
- Who will watch Around The World In Eighty Days with me?
- Activating the card.
- If Stan can’t help, then who is the agent for the agency?
- You know how to whistle, don’t you?
- Talk to the Pronoun Is Over It monsters.
- Learn more about Operation Spring For This.
- Learn more about Operation Magical Badger Secret Sorting Station In The Hollow Tree Of Wonder And Delight.
- Joyful time with Svevo.
- Oh, Stompopolis!
- Initial dates for the Announcing!
- What if Pesach could be easy this year? And: a quiet, peaceful, happy Seder with people I love.
- Like that, but new. With Agent Santellano.
- May all misunderstandings dissolve in laughter.
The qualities inside of the wants:
Serendipity. Mischief. Presence. Play. Steadiness. Hope. Wonder. Understanding.
And the superpower of trusting that what I need will be there and if not, I will be able to play with what is there and make it work. And, again-again-again, the Secret Holiness of Glamour.
But really: seeing the secret holiness of everything.
Ways this could work.
With pleasure. In tiny epiphanies. Seeded in intentional naps. Undercover and under covers. Through walking it out, writing it out, playing it up, trusting that Nothing Is Wrong.
I’m playing with…
Challenges are mysteries. Bond Girl can do this. What if there is more time than I think?
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
Bond Girl wanted a tailor, and I am putting Marisa in charge of this, also asked Rebecca.
The glamorous recommendations for a thing-not-glamorous were received.
Operation Twiceover was a raging success. I did talk to Stan, but talking to Stan was astoundingly ineffective (mystery!), so I want to look into that again and find out what is inside of this.
And I am learning a LOT about the secret holiness of glamour, and it is full of surprises.
Everything else is progressing under the surface… percolate-percolate.
Also Paul wrote a post about Stompopolis called Stompopolis: The Ultra-secret Rumpus Room Atelier of Portland Oregon that you absolutely have to read! There are not enough exclamation points in the world for how over-the-top delighted I feel about this.
Playing. Shelter for the comments.
What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like. Things sparked for your own process.
I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.
We ask for what we need, and we give each other space and spaciousness for the process.
This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We play.
That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!
As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox