What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
Friday Chicken #243: boldly orchestrating new delights
Where I cover the good and the hard in my week, visiting the non-preachy side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
What worked?
Talking it out.
I had worries and I said them out loud, and it was okay. Better than okay.
Remembering that it’s not a disaster, it’s a mystery.
And everything I learn in the process of investigating this mystery is useful information.
Following instinct and being ballsy about it.
Bond Girl wants to go to [x place]? Go.
Bond Girl wants to do something scary-brave without even thinking about it because she is so clear that this is the right thing? Why not.
This week Bond Girl called the shots, and it was amazing. All the parts that were less-than-amazing happened when I stopped trusting the pull or wasn’t quiet enough to feel it.
Bond Girl wants a double compass too. Here is the new one for Operation B.O.N.D.G.I.R.L.
Boldly Orchestrating New Delights. Glowing Into Real Light.
Letting Bond Girl pick my outfits.
She is so much more passionate and opinionated about clothing than I have ever been. She believes, hard, in the powers of Costume and how Everything Is A Costume.
She gets turned on by clothing in a way I didn’t even know was possible.
And she’s wildly creative, even when working with limited offerings. She pulls outfits together and: wow. I didn’t know my closet could do things like that. Kind of in shock, actually.
Next time I might…
Pause. Pause. Pause.
Pause and instincts are not contradictory, they are deeply interrelated.
This is another thing I am learning from this Year of Emptying And Replenishing.
Be true to Putterday! Long live Putterday!
For the past few weeks I have been skipping Putterday, because of Doing All The Projects. And the projects feel a lot more urgent than Putterday.
But then they don’t really get done.
Yesterday I gave myself the gift of Putterday, and suddenly with all that clear space and zooming-moving-around new energy, I wanted to be with the projects again. Putterday is soothing and restorative for me. Sometimes. That goes into the Book of Havi.
Things I found challenging (and mysterious!).
- Big work happening on the roof of the building where Stompopolis and the Playground live. They’re replacing all the sheet metal on the roof and it is NOISY AS **** and I hate it.
- So we were half-closed this week and that felt vulnerable and scary.
- Oh man there are a lot of ops.
- Someone (me) vastly underestimated how much time it takes to edit a 200 page ebook.
- According to the monsters, I need at least a hundred magical badgers to help me sort out Operation What Is Happening With All The Ops.
- The day I forgot my earphones. I hadn’t realized how much I depend on that buffer, or how unbearably noisy the world is.
- Twisting my ankle.
- St. Patrick’s Day. Do not pinch me, do not kiss me, do not make assumptions about me because I have red hair and green eyes. I have stuff about this holiday.
- How is it almost pesach? What is happening?!
- When people in my life need (or think they need) things from me that I can’t give them.
- When people in my life think that I am the unique delivery system for [love/companionship/thing they want], and not understanding that everything in the world can deliver qualities. Truth: the ability to receive qualities is not about any one person.
- Related: As Agent A (our Man in Marin) says, trying to explain TRUTH is like trying to email a haircut.
- Being around distortions of truth.
- Desiring more spaciousness.
- Hello, pain from then. There is so much of you!
- The longer I live in silence, the more I notice unsovereign behavior, and the less willing I am to put up with it.
- The night of no sleep and then terrifying nightmares.
- And then being so out of it that I left my bag on the bus.
Things I found delightful.
- Thinking, “I want someone to notice this beautiful outfit that Bond Girl cobbled together out of instinct and magic!” And immediately after having this thought, a guy on the street said: “Can I just say, that is a terrific outfit.”
- Went to see live music and didn’t spend the whole time thinking about my friend who is dead. I mean, I thought about him, obviously. But it didn’t take over the experience.
- The Timbers match. Seattle away. The glorious game-tying Rodney Wallace goal in the 90th minute. Wow wow wow wow.
- Watching the match at 442 with the adorable rowdy inebriated puppies from 103 Ballistic. See also: This week’s Fake Band Of The Week.
- Someone didn’t say hi to me, and this particular not-saying-hi of the not-hi was so loud that I had to find out what was going on, and doing this was the best thing I have ever done, possibly ever-ever-ever.
- The day I left my purse on the bus was the same day that wallet, keys and phone were in my jacket.
- Guess what? MIRACLES. See: miracles.
- Secret flower delivery.
- In my nightmare, dream-me managed to practice a technique/approach I’ve been working on in real life! And noticed she was doing it. And was happy about that even though everything (in the dream) was awful.
- The moment about five minutes after I woke up when I finally realized it had been a dream. Delirious joy.
- Comfort on the hard day from housemate and playmate and Replacement Agent E.
- Playmate: “I love it when you want things.” Possibly the most healing thing anyone has said to me. I cried for an hour while this rewrote my entire life. Thank you, day of hard that lead to this.
- Open tabs down from 69 to 5. Because the Floop is magic.
- Being in a state that feels like being under a spell but is not a spell. There is magic in the air, and it is so impossibly sweet.
- Being at Stompopolis every day and the way it smells like love and possibility.
- I told someone about [traumatic scary thing], not sure how this person would react, and now I’m really glad I did.
- A conflict showed up with a stone, and I asked for it to resolve itself peacefully. And then it did.
- Scent.
- Talking things out with playmate showed me all the old pain from then about Amsterdam and all of it, and then I realized how lucky I am to be here now and know what I know now.
- Glass Shoestrings with the debut album Magical Kingdom. Opening act: The Shy Smiles. The 2014 Tour that doesn’t exist, because none of this exists, but all of it made me happy and this week there was a lot of happy.
WHAM BOOM! Operations completed this week:
The phrase Whoosh Ha Mastodon Boom is secret agent code that means: this op is done, baby! It is often shortened to WHAM boom.
Mission: Operation Twiceover Wham boom!
Operation Putterday Wham boom!
The Great Closing Of The Tabs Wham boom!
Contact Contact. Wham boom!
Whoosh Ha Mastodon Boom! Wham Boom! Wham Boom!
You may also shout (or whisper) other joyous words if you like.
Miracles!
When I left my bag on the bus, I did not freak out. Miracle.
I used the secret mantra of Everything That Is Mine Returns To Me.
I followed an intuitive hit to take an evening dance class that I never, ever, ever take. Then set off with full confidence that I would make the bus even though it was supposed to arrive in two minutes and it takes seven to get to the stop. Made the bus.
It was the SAME BUS. Bus driver had my bag, waiting for me. The end.
Superpowers!
A superpower I had this week…
Surprising Unexpected Boldness. Courage and fearlessness that was playful, strong, present and alive.
And a superpower I want next week.
Remembering that everything radiates delight if I pay attention.
Actually, everything radiates everything, whatever I need is there in some form.
So: the superpower of being quiet and steady enough to know this and feel it.
Proxy of the week.
I am not ready to get the beer out of my hair. This is me, with beer in my hair. What do I know about that?
Typos of the week, freudian or otherwise.
Love you, autocorrect. You speak a creepy truth.
- Ohio! and then Pho! I was trying to write “Oho!”, something I say all the time.
- “We lock up gamers.” For the record I do not lock up gamers. The phone is having trouble believing that hametz is a word.
Salve of the week. Yours if you want it.
This salve has tiny little seeds of Truth inside of it, so throughout the day you remember how adored and loved you truly are, and how strong you are, and how all feelings are legitimate. And how comfort and support are everywhere.
It’s in a compass case that you can wear as a necklace or slip into your pocket.
These salves can’t be seen, but the production factory has delivered enough to me to distribute by way of the magic of the internet, so help yourself. There is enough.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
Background. Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once invented hanging out at the Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
This week’s band is a direct description of my hilarious experience of watching the Timbers match with the boys of 103.
101 Dalmatians and the Testosterone Jungle
They’re loud and messy and you will end up with beer in your hair, and the ineffectual but effusive apologies for that will be just as entertaining as the rest of it.
They play all night and they turn it up to 11. And of course, it’s just one guy.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
Announcements coming soon.
In the meantime, I’ll say it again. The Monster Manual & Coloring Book. I live by this, and it’s why the mysteries and challenges of the week don’t get me down.
That’s it for me …
Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!
We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
Visions #193: seeds, sparks, a whistle on a gorgeous chain
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
I’m going all silent retreat this week! Well, even more so than usual.
These are the seeds. Seeds, sparks and fractal flowers.
Everything here is something Bond Girl requires/desires for her mission. Which is so damn mysterious that we do not even know what it is.
It has something to do with Amsterdam, but only very indirectly.
What I want.
Some of these are secret agent code and some of them are things I’m silent retreat-ing on. Some are qualities that will help. And some are almost pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.
- A terrific tailor in Portland. Who can set me up with this? Hope? Dana? Suggestions welcome.
- The Orchard of the Annes. What if this is possible?
- The cuff.
- Protecting strong radiant glowing boundaries by gracefully saying no to everything that isn’t wildly appealing in that moment.
- I want to say something like “discreet glamorous pepper spray for the modern woman”. That’s a terrible description but does something like this exist? Where? Chime in if you know!
- Waterproof bag for dance shoes.
- Secret bolthole, take 1.
- Things that remind us of Morocco. Especially tea glasses.
- Operation Twiceover.
- Weekend as kumbaka.
- Vitamin Sea.
- Activating the card.
- Tell Stan!
- A strikingly beautiful whistle on a gorgeous chain. Recommendations welcome
- Lightweight gorgeous sneakers.
- Secret bolthole, take 2.
- Choosing the time/place for a secret rendezvous that is not really a secret at all.
The qualities inside of the wants:
Delight, obviously. What else?
Secrecy. Protection. Presence. Adventure. Delight. Pleasure. Glamour. Radiance.
And the superpower of Invisible But Secretly Visible Glitter Confetti. And, again, the Secret Holiness of Glamour.
Or maybe, it’s more like the superpower of Remembering: Ah yes, this is holy too.
Ways this could work.
I don’t know yet.
I am dropping these seeds with love, hope, affection and receptivity. Let’s see what happens.
I’m playing with…
The superpower of remembering that challenges can be mysteries instead. And that this can be fun if I commit to letting it be fun.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I wanted Eric Donut Levels of delight for Stompopolis, and I can feel it coming in.
We’ve had some new pop-ins, Paul is writing a post about us, and look what Elizabeth said:
“Stompopolis is this incredible space in Portland that feels like the physical embodiment of when you’re in the blissful peaceful beamed-down jewels mode of writing, then you eat the best gluten-free scone ever, then you take one of the best naps (which Stompopolis also has the best nooks for).”
This is exactly what Stompopolis is like. I love this!
My other ask had to do with removing contact points with toxicity, and I have been doing this, and it is hard but important.
It means I can’t do a lot of the things I used to enjoy doing, but I am learning about how much more energy I have when I’m not around this kind of environment.
The longer I am silent, the more patience I have with myself and the less patience I have for anything that is not supportive of my steadiness. That means I’m having to remove all kinds of unsovereign things from being near my kingdom, and it’s been interesting. We’ll keep playing, and see what happens.
Playing. Shelter for the comments.
What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like. Things sparked for your own process.
I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.
We ask for what we need, and we give each other space and spaciousness for the process.
This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We play.
That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!
As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox
Friday Chicken #242: the secret holiness of glamour.
Where I cover the good and the hard in my week, visiting the non-preachy side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
What worked?
Turning challenges into mysteries.
This week I decided that all problems were actually mysteries. Hooray.
This made everything way more fun. And mysterious.
And since mysterious is way better than “annoying”, this was an improvement. Also I got to be a femme fatale in a film noir (in my head), and this was great.
Bonus: much silly wordplay centering around the word “solution”.
Changing up the metaphor.
Pirates are great at improvising, and not always great at protocol.
You know who excels at both improvising and following protocol? Spies. Secret agents. Bond Girl, my incoming-me alter-ego and confidant.
So what if instead of a pirate crew, we were an Cloak of Spies, a Sneakery of Spies, a Bond of Spies. Bond. James Bond. A Bond of spies playing at being a pirate crew? It’s all part of the caper, you see.
Less tense with a new tense? It was funny in my head.
We have this daily pirate log at Stompopolis, and the pirate crew check off all the things.
Except often things do not get done but the checklist says they are done. This is one of the biggest mysteries (see? see?) of my job.
I rewrote the log sheets as secret agent protocol. And switched out the imperative to first person.
“I’ve just emptied the water containers. Now I am putting Blanket Fort George to bed.”
This has made the log sheet much more fun and is also, I’m hoping, going to help with the superpower of Playful Presence, which is kind of what Stompopolis is about.
Trusting my instincts.
Every time. So good.
Next time I might…
Trust my instincts more. And sooner.
Again and again and again.
Stay with essence.
For example, the essence of writing a Friday chicken is play. So if I force myself to write it out of obligation, I’m ignoring the essence of chickening. The answer, for me, to anything at all is: pause and get back to essence.
And to trust that if I am doing something that is in line with the essence but is not the thing itself that I think I should be doing, this is right. Because: essence.
Things I found challenging (and mysterious!).
- Work all day, work work work, on the first beautiful sunny day of spring when I wanted to be outside.
- Huge frustration about perceived lack of help and support.
- Here’s a mystery: why was the left entry door at Stompopolis unlocked? Why wasn’t the phone plugged in? Why are things crossed off of lists if they have not happened? The Mystery of When Is A Chart Not A Chart.
- In my stuff about that.
- Overwhelmed.
- What I thought was one operation turned out to have eleven separate smaller missions inside of it.
- Received a piece of information that seemed disastrous (as in “yeah, fine, maybe Nothing Is Wrong applies to other things but this is definitely terrible”), spiraled into panic and fear. Lots of thinking that Now Is Like Then, lots of forgetting that Now Is Not Like Then.
- There are not yet enough notes in the Book of Me about just how much The Jetlag Of The Clocks Changing is real, and the effect this has on my life.
- Choices.
- Expecting one thing and getting another.
Things I found delightful.
- Expecting one thing and getting another! Whee!
- Burn Notice reference: “Don’t get ahead of yourself. It’s only a pre-disaster. I remembered this, and it was true.
- Guess what, monsters? The seemingly disastrous piece of information lead to a really good thing, and also revealed a very reassuring piece of information that otherwise would have remained hidden. There was no disaster.
- Speaking of the superpower of Actually Nothing Is Wrong. Agent E decided to make things up to me for having missed our dinner on my birthday. Agent E can miss dinner with me as often as Agent E likes, because that was amazing. Yay for getting stood up on my birthday. Ha.
- The thing-that-appeared-to-be-disastrous-but-wasn’t was solved, swiftly and easily, by the compass. Compassing and encompassing solves everything. Plus it calmed me down astonishingly quickly.
- I let X, who has no connection to any of what I do, help me with the compass, positive that X wouldn’t get it. X got it.
- The cute girl who never smiles back bought my tea. The magic of silent retreat in action.
- Package of marvelous teas and teacakes from China! Thank you, Peter!
- All the challenges were mysteries, and this was fun. Goodness, isn’t it mysterious. Yes, yes it is.
- Playmate and I are inventing all the best games and having all the words, and I am really happy.
- I didn’t know about the time change (this is a huge trigger, related to a sad scary pain-filled story/experience about Outsider Syndrome), and it didn’t matter. My phone knew what was up. I wasn’t late to class. Gigantic exhalation of relief. Hand on heart sigh. I am okay. Everything is okay. Now Is Not Then.
- Dance dance dance. More dance.
- Getting a million trillion things done.
- One of my superpowers overlaps perfectly with a superpower of the 1st Mate, so that together we were able to easily do a thing that neither of us could have done on our own.
- Watching (or: watering, new favorite verb) the Watch at Stompopolis every day. The most magical place in the world and I get to write there.
- The first Y.E.A.R.book ebook for the Year of Emptying & Replenishing is just over 200 pages, and we’re about to send it out. It might be the thing I love most of everything I have ever written ever. It is filled with some of the most astonishing things that I never meant to write out loud and am so very thrilled that I did.
- Watching the movie Hook with Replacement Agent E.
- The gorgeous incredibly bad-ass knife in the movie Hook, which provided the inspiration and the solution for a
problemmystery I’d been investigating at work! Very fortuitous. - Henry, the schmoooiest dog in the world.
- A postcard from my marvelous uncle Svevo, my favorite person in the world, announcing his upcoming visit to Hoppy House and thus to me. Much rejoicing over this.
- The code name Piemaker Whoosh Bins. Not just a spy, but also a gnome! And, surprisingly, not a Fake Band Of The Week.
- The discovery that when I am wearing a fuzzy blue boa that looks like it is made from muppets, everything else is more attractive to me.
- Nicholas (Nick of the Nicknames) has been calling me Hover-Bounce 1 all week. If you know me at all in real life, you know that this is a very, very suitable name for me.
- A visit to the Oracle. Ohmygod.
- Wishing someone wildly sweet dreams is a wildly sweet thing to do, I think. At least, that is how I felt being on the receiving end of this wish
- Being Bond Girl. Feeling into what it is like to trust adventure, to learn about the secret holiness of glamour.
- Bond Girl is having me do all these things that are not in character for me — well, they feel very comfortable for me-from-ten-years-ago and also for her, and I am loving it. Last night I went to a punk rock concert, by myself, stayed out late, had the time of my life. She’s great.
- This is the bio of one of the bands I saw: “VAJ sounds like Iggy Pop having sex with Gene Simmons while Kim Gordon watches.” Obviously, I love them.
WHAM BOOM! Operations completed this week:
The phrase Whoosh Ha Mastodon Boom is secret agent code that means: this op is done, baby! It is often shortened to WHAM boom.
Mission: Paper Airplanes and Marigolds Wham boom!
Readying Mysterious Package For Its Merry Way Wham boom!
Mysterious Package Now On Its Merry Way Wham boom!
Operation Onceover. Wham boom!
Operation Kugelpunkte (hahaha). Wham boom!
The Initial Handing Over for the Y.E.A.R.book. Wham boom!
Operation Tiny Sparks Instead Of Stagnation Wham boom!
Operation Process Reconfiguration: Pirates Into Spies: Phase I and Phase II. Wham boom!
A big complicated Red Rose Missive Wham boom!
Whoosh Ha Mastodon Boom! Wham Boom! Wham Boom!
You may also shout (or whisper) other joyous words if you like.
Superpowers!
A superpower I had this week…
Unexpectedly having the exact right thing to wear for an unexpected occasion.
And a superpower I want next week.
Smiling at the mysteries.
Just for fun
Image via Pulp-o-mizer, which is the best.
A pulp magazine cover generator is one of those things you didn’t realize you needed until you were aware of its existence. Yay. Thanks, Kiersi.
Proxy of the week.
I’m Agent Providence. From Providence, Rhode Island. I’m into provision/s.
Typos of the week, freudian or otherwise.
Love you, autocorrect. You speak a creepy truth.
- Southease instead of southeast! Southease. This is the best.
- “People are flying in from as DDR as Australia. ”
The ahem, former DDR is not in Australia, my dear well-meaning phone.. That was supposed to be “as far away from”, no idea what happened there. - “Thugs look better in the morning.” Things. Things look better. Though maybe these are both true.
- Saturfday. SATURFDAY! My new favorite day.
- And this one is from my playmate, I actually have no idea at all what the original intent was: “You’re drinking a clown.”
Salve of the week. Yours if you want it.
This salve is a force field salve, my favorite.
Just smelling it instantly gives you glowingly beautiful boundaries that only allow in what is peaceful, sweet, sovereign and supportive of harmonious you-ness. Applying it directly results in soothing of everything needing soothing. It also works simultaneously through time/space on all the versions of you and on past/future pain.
These salves can’t be seen, but the production factory has delivered enough to me to distribute by way of the magic of the internet, so help yourself. There is enough.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
Background. Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once invented hanging out at the Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
This week’s band, with a kiss to Chloe and Reebs, is:
The Noisy Vorps
Spy band! Total spy band.
It’s extra funny that they have noisy in the name because they’re actually really quiet, because they’re spies.
Sometimes they call themselves the Nosy Vorps. That is funny too. Then everyone laughs! But quietly. Shhhhhhh.
Though, of course, it’s really just one guy.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
Monster. Coloring. Book. Seriously, get it. It comes with a manual. This is so helpful. I recommend.
That’s it for me …
Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!
We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
Sliding into March like it’s a safe house.
I have been a bit wary about this passage between the months this time. Sometimes it happens.
It is part of being a spy. Bond Girl says:
All timing is right timing. Don’t sweat it.
So that’s how we’re going to play.
Come in, come in, superpowers of March, of marching, of smooth transitions. And when not smooth, conscious. Playful presence. Let’s do this.
Wriggling out of February. What worked?
The Vicarage.
Everything about taking two weeks off at the Vicarage.
Using Bork Bork Bork to run Rally (Rally!), or really, to [verb] it.
Putting phone in AIR/plane mode. Access. Internal. Resonance. Getting back to my plane. AIR. Plane.
So long, February. Things I might try differently next time?
I worried while I was away that maybe I wanted to bring too much of Vicarage back into daily life, but bringing even more Vicarage is actually what I’m wishing for now.
Which is another way of saying: Trust my instincts.
Landing into March. Hello, March.
Yes, we’ve been hanging out for a week or so.
But now I’m ready to sit cross-legged in front of you, March. To look into your eyes and extend my hand and say: I am here. I want to be here now.
Qualities I want for March.
Mystery. Harmony. Trust. Silence. Steadiness. Wonder. Simplicity. Resonance.
Let’s choose words for March.
Mystery. Definitely mystery.
I’m turning the page in the Stompopolis calendar.
Simplicity!
Perfect.
And I love the “why it’s so crazy it just might work”. That is exactly what I’m channeling right now.
Oh, and guess what is the funniest? The superpower listed is… tada! The superpower of Trusting Your Instincts. That’s what I was wishing for anyway.
March superpowers
The March superpowers are going to be the Bond Girl superpowers:
Strong, glowing, radiant boundaries. Extreme sexy confidence. Deep faith in provision. And of course: trusting my instincts.
And the superpowers of crocuses: spring is here.
Things I’m working on and playing with in March.
Emptying and replenishing. Living in air/plane mode.
Letting silent retreat solve all the challenges, while remembering that they aren’t challenges at all: they’re mysteries. And I like mystery.
Things I’m looking forward to in March.
Spring. Equinox. Windows. Fake Beach Day. Spring cleaning/sparkling. Being Bond Girl. Turning pirates into spies. Spies who are playing at pirates.
What March could be like.
Sweet and welcoming. Playful and present. Full of flowers.
Slightly future me says…
This is right. This moment right now: it is right. Anything you do in it is right, because you are paying attention, and you will learn useful things about what it is to be Havi Bell.
Naming the moon.
This is a tradition I borrowed from Waverly. You can read more about how I do it if you like.
The Moon of Hidden Jewels.
It’s a madcap caper, isn’t it? Bond Girl might even know where they are….
And?
I want to be here now.
Goodbye, beautiful February. Thank you for everything. Goodbye everything that is done. Thank you for being done. Mmhmm.
Hello, March. Hello, birthday month, for both me and The Fluent Self. I’m glad you’re here. I’m glad we get to play. I’m glad for the reminder that any time I say hello to you is the right time, and that I can’t say hello wrong, because being present and saying hello to things is part of being alive.
The secret word is ringleader. Ringleader. Over and out.
Play with me…
I mess around with entry and exit each month, going with whatever shows up.
For other versions, peek at 2011: July / August / September / October / November and December. Or 2012: January / February / March / April / May. A love letter to June / July / August / September / October / November / December / January
And of course last month.
Feel welcome to deposit notes for your entry into March here, if you like. Or drop off wishes or leave flowers.
We make this safe space by not telling each other what to do, how to be or how to feel. We make room for each other.
Wishing you a pleasure-filled, playful, welcoming March. And love. All the love.
Visions #192: Eric Donut Levels. Of Delight.
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
Only two wishes this week, but they’re kind of involved. And special.
And, I’m just now realizing, related.
Thing 1: Like Eric is about the donuts.
Here’s what I want:
I want people — people who appreciate magical wonder — to be as excited about Stompopolis as Eric is about these creme brûlée donuts!
“They’re not even donuts. They’re fine magical light fluffy pastries fried in truffle oil, under the disguise of a lesser name. The creme brûlée donut is the best but please note that creme brûlée donut is somewhat elusive. They only make a small amount, seemingly between 11 and noon, and sell out fast. Once they sell all their donuts, they close so: no set hours.
“They have a peanut butter and jelly one too that’s basically a jelly donut with powdered peanut butter. So when you bite into it, your saliva (sounds gross but bear with me) makes the peanut butter. And today’s creme brûlée came with an orange simple syrup in a squizzy thing that you pump into the donut before eating. Delightful!!! ”
Oh man.
I don’t even eat donuts and I want to be around these donuts. Well, I want to be around someone else while they’re eating these donuts.
I want to be around people who are this delighted in things in general, and I want people to talk like this when they talk about Stompopolis and how thrilled they are to have found it. I want ERIC DONUT LEVELS (E.D.L.) of gloriously joyful, over-the-top effusive delighted enthusiasm.
That is my beacon. That is the lighthouse I am following. That level of delight. Also people who can allow themselves to delight like that. I adore delight. It’s one of the best parts of being alive.
Though maybe that part isn’t necessary, because one of the magical things about Stompopolis is that people who do not normally delight in things find themselves delighting in ALL KINDS of things there…
The qualities inside of the want:
Delight, obviously. What else?
Joy. Enthusiasm. Presence. Sparks. Surprise. Wonder. Irrepressibility! Celebration.
And the superpower of Invisible But Secretly Visible Glitter Confetti.
Ways this might work:
People who have been to Stompopolis or visited it or played in it at Rally (Rally!) could write about it in some form. Not in a formal way, just referencing it and something about their experience and gleeful appreciation of its magic.
That would be amazing.
More people to play with us on the Stompy twitter and Facebook and instagram/stompstagram!
Our international Passionate Adorers of Stompopolis maybe know Portlanders who could also use some of this hot donut-like magic…
I have no idea. I am putting it here and letting the seed be seeded.
(Note: I don’t need marketing advice, I’m great at growing things, this isn’t about that, it is about delight.)
I’m playing with…
Enjoying. Enjoying that this level of enthusiasm exists.
And faith. Trusting and knowing that if ever there was a place in the world worthy of Eric Donut Levels of delight, I HAVE BUILT IT. Now it is time to let it be found by the people who need it and don’t know that they need it because who could know something like that?
p.s. If you’re coming to a Rally in 2014 (dates coming soon!), you’ll have to go try and find one of these donuts….
Thing 2: Something about removing contact points with toxicity.
Here’s what I want:
I am not entirely sure how to explain this.
Something about living in permanent silent retreat mode has made me extra-sensitive to all kinds of things.
No, that is not true. Living in permanent silent retreat mode has made me extra-aware of how sensitive I have always been, and how I don’t respect these sensitivities.
Which is interesting. I mean, if I were dangerously allergic to walnuts, for example, I’d commit to making sure I never consume anything with walnuts.
And yet, I am dangerously allergic to all kinds of subtle things. I know this. And I don’t do anything about it.
Example of this: I finally stopped taking dance class with the instructor who makes constant negative comments about her body. I don’t want to be around that. I don’t want to even be breathing the air of we’re-doing-this-because-how-we-are-is-not-good.
That’s not why I dance. I dance because I am ALIVE. Because of VITALITY and PLEASURE. I dance to feel like a gazelle.
Anyway. I’d like to get better at noticing all these access points where toxicity shows up (in the form of things that I perceive as potential allergens to me), and removing them.
The qualities inside of the want:
Spaciousness. Love. Presence. Steadiness. Protection. Shelter. Glow. Time.
And the superpowers of Taking Exquisite Care of Myself and Shining Radiant Boundaries Activate.
This is all related to the TIME class, of course. Yes.
Ways this might work:
More AIR (accessing internal resonance!), specifically via airplane mode on the phone.
I’m noticing kind of a more general wish that the entire world would come with trigger warnings: Hi, we’re about to talk about something horribly traumatic. Or: This short and pretentious piece of New Yorker fiction includes references to emotional abuse, heads up!
They sometimes give a warning on the radio if they’re discussing war crimes or whatever, but not with assault and physical abuse. World: please please please give us a chance to find a buffer and strengthen force fields before you spring this stuff on us.
Except, yeah. Since this might not happen for a few years: Havi Bell, please take time and space to make conscious decisions about what gets to be in your environment.
I’m playing with…
Paying attention to what I need, how I feel and what would help.
Talking to the monsters and using the coloring book & manual to dissolve pain.
(I see you, You’re A Big Crybaby Stop Being So Sensitive And Get Over It Already. And I know where you come from. You’re from then. And I know what you want: to keep me safe from pain. I’m on board with that mission too, so I know we can work this out.)
Noticings about the things I want this week…
Presence and play. Shelter and spaciousness. Delight and plenty.
This is what is important to me right now, in this and in everything. So this is good.
Bonus wishes, please!
Some of these are secret agent code and some of them are things I’m silent retreat-ing on. Some are qualities that will help. And some are almost pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.
- Cutting the flower stems.
- Marigold missions. Package. Making this fun.
- Dance dance dance.
- Same as always: strong radiant glowing boundaries.
- Time with Bond Girl.
- Patience re Agent E. Trusting truth and letting this take as long as it takes.
- Compass.
- Giving R the booklet.
- Writing the bullet points. Hmm, rename bullet points? Kugelpunkte, which is not the same thing but should be, is way funnier. Mmm, kugel.
- Vitamin Sea.
- Activating the card.
- Tell Stan!
- Is it a rebus? More on the mystery of when is a chart not a chart? And when are pirates actually spies?
I’m playing with…
The superpower of remembering that challenges can be mysteries instead. And that this can be fun if I commit to letting it be fun.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I wanted to set up the Bond Girl mission, and I haven’t. However I’ve done a lot of thinking about it and am super excited. I also am getting the feeling that it needs to happen in May, so playing with that.
I asked what is like a chrysalis but not a chrysalis and got the exact right answer. Now to set it up. Yes, setting things up is the challenge mystery at the moment, but I am trusting that all timing is right timing. And I will play with this at the wonderful Floop.
Then I wanted the 36 mish’alot, and that happened!
I asked for hamsas, and Richard made me one. By hand. And hand-painted it. And on the back it says: For the protection of Havi Bell.
Wow. Delight. See? Delight.
Playing. Shelter for the comments.
What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like. Things sparked for your own process.
I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.
We ask for what we need, and we give each other space and spaciousness for the process.
This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We play.
That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!
As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox