What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
Friday Chicken #233: when to press go.
Where I cover the good and the hard in my week, visiting the non-preachy side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
This week went extra-fast, the opposite of slow-motion. All the hamsters on buttered-up wheels.
What worked?
Trusting my instinct.
Where to sit. When to stop. When to wait. When to press go.
Turning everything into a secret op.
Even things like calling a friend or going to dance class.
Noticing that I was resisting a thing I thought I wanted and letting that be okay.
And then I found out why it scares me and talked to a bunch of monsters, and everything is better now.
In fact, I’m kind of glad they all showed up because now everything that did not make sense makes sense.
(For example! This whole time I’ve been trying to OPEN but then resisting the opening. But it turns out that what is needed is not to open but instead to hum. Humming instead of opening is the secret way to open things without it feeling vulnerable and scary.)
Showing Svevo around Stompopolis.
I can’t think of anything better than introducing my most favorite person to my most favorite space. This was quite possibly one of the best things that has ever happened to me.
And it was such a perfect demonstration of how it is impossible to describe Stompopolis. I thought I’d given a really good, detailed description of what it was like but when we got there, he gasped.
He was absolutely flabbergasted. Completely awe-struck. Overcome with joy. He said later that going through the door was like being dropped from a spaceship and landing in a mysterious beautiful meadow of unknown flowers and colors, filled with delight. He said it was like the first time you go scuba diving: you just cannot imagine how beautiful, how striking, how different, what a feast for the senses it is. This entirely new world, its own complete world.
Oh, my heart. I felt so reassured about my inability to do Stompopolis justice or write decent copy for it. It can’t be done. You just have to experience it. Because that kind of magic and containment and majesty just cannot be summed up.
Though isn’t this a wonderful sentence? Here is what Svevo said:
“I think anyone who walks in that door can’t help but have something happen to them. Something exquisite.”
Next time I might…
Do more entry.
A lot. You know what? Even a little.
But more preparing for the voyage. Even two more minutes to sit and breathe before [Thing X], no matter what Thing X is.
Remember that de-cobwebbing stirs up dust. And then you cough a lot.
Metaphorical dust and metaphorical coughing but still.
Whenever I clear out a bunch of old crap (physical stuff that has emotional stuff attached to it), I feel better for having cleared it. But while it’s being cleared and shortly after, there’s dust.
I want to remember that it’s not “Uh oh, what’s all this gunk and emotion?”, and go straight to “Oh right, here are the remnants of THEN exiting, and yeah, I might feel a bit foggy while it’s happening.”
The hard.
- Overwhelmed.
- Nightmares.
- Waking up at 2am.
- Worried about an old friend.
- Being right next to one inane conversation after another. Even at the Lodge, where that never happens.
- Distance. All the kinds at once.
- Overbooked.
- Not spending time with my playmate.
- Three different things that in my head were going to be fun turned out to be unbearably boring.
- Other people’s panics. Other people’s projections onto me.
- Too much socialize! People I like and productive meetings and all good things, but way too much interpersonal interaction for this HSP.
- Body doing something it used to do but hadn’t for quite a while and I had really hoped that we were done with this.
- Zombie days from not sleeping.
- I forgot how exhausting [Thing Y] is.
- Misunderstandings.
- Finishing a bunch of big operations and realizing that I didn’t know how to feel celebratory about this.
- Wanting.
The good.
- I have tights and they sparkle and I think they might be magic. I am wearing them right now and they are making all the things better.
- Being called the wrong name for the last time. Three times in a week, but for the last time.
- Friday night.
- Following a strong instinctive pull that lead to an entire trail of these that resulted in a series of wonderful things.
- Dance. Every day.
- Bounce bounce.
- When I woke up at 2am, I rearranged my old office. De-cobwebbing superpowers activate!
- Being told that I look like Kim Basinger. Which I’m pretty sure I don’t. But I so appreciate a boy at a bar using a reference someone from my generation can recognize.
- Twenty one days until I’m off to the Vicarage.
- Sending out the surprise ebook for the class on TIME.
- The class on TIME.
- YAY TRUCKS.
- Words with Wally. Creme de la creme.
- “You can dance if you want to / you can leave your friends behind”
- Watching the Clippers beat the Lakers. They just barely squeaked by but they did maintain the lead the entire time.
- Problem-solving. And then it turned out they weren’t even problems. Uh huh.
- A spectacularly great hair day.
- I am looking forward to so many things! Including tonight and the Vicarage and something happening next January and seeing Kyle on Sunday. I hardly ever look forward to things. This is new and fun!
- All the progress on the secret ops. Including Toozday when I had seven operations all going at once and six were taken care of…
- Eddie helped me plan a slide.
- Two different fake beach days, one of them under the stars.
- Playing.
- My favorite uncle (and person) showed up in town! And stayed with me.
- I got to show three different people around Stompopolis this week (“Look at my baby!!!!”) and it was magical.
- Delicious Iraqi food and great company. Also I finally got to meet Carl the Dog.
- My cousin Noah lives in Portland now and we are practically neighbors and he is great.
- Playdates for writing.
- The phrase “Turn music into lace.”
- Lots of useful processing.
- The monkey.
And the best-best thing ever!
A gorgeous surprise bouquet of flowers showed up mysteriously on my porch yesterday.
It came with a secret-agent-code note and turned out to be from a group of Floopers who have (secretly!) banded together to get me months and months of flowers. I feel all the feelings: Astonished! Delighted! Appreciative! Adored!
This combines my three favorite things in the world: being a spy, letting flowers make things better (transforming space), and knowing that I am appreciated. I am bouncing around my house delightedly right now. THE BEST!
WHAM BOOM! Operations completed this week:
The phrase Whoosh Ha Mastodon Boom is secret agent code that means: this op is done, baby! It is often shortened to WHAM boom.
B-bop Mission Melon Wham boom!
Operation Watchcap Wham boom!
Stompitty Yay: Operation Name Bells Wham boom!
Operation Secret Letter Wham boom!
The 7? Red Rose Missive Wham boom!
The 7? Visions Wham boom!
Operation Try Ribbons (Milliner II) Wham boom!
Whoosh Ha Mastodon Boom! Wham Boom! Wham Boom!
You may also shout (or whisper) other joyous words if you like.
Superpowers!
A superpower I had this week…
The superpower of sitting next to exactly the right person in the exact right moment.
And a superpower I want next week.
The superpower of celebrating a thing that is finished.
Really and truly feeling it. Not just nodding and moving on to the next thing. Not dismissing it as a drop in the bucket. Really appreciating that I worked hard: movement is happening, even if I can’t see it or feel it.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
Background. Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once invented hanging out at the Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
This week’s band showed up in the ebook I wrote for the TIME class.
Special Monster Appendix.
Mmhmmm. Though, of course, it’s really just one guy.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
DOLPHINS!
If you’ve been wanting to join the Floop (the Floating Playground) or to play with me during the Year of Emptying And Replenishing (password: compass)…
If you want payment options, they happen through the Dolphin Adoption Agency.
That’s it for me …
Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!
We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
Visions #183: fractal AND secret
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
Thing 1: Fractal Flowers
Here’s what I want:
The technique/concept of fractal flowers is when you work on one thing and you let it secretly work on all the other things. Or you trust that doing X is somehow related to doing Y.
For example, writing the weekly VPAs right now is going to help me with all my projects for this week. I don’t know how yet but it will. Maybe it will show me something. Maybe it will serve as conscious entry. Maybe I’ll find a clew or access a quality. Maybe I won’t ever know how.
The point is, fractal flowers change my approach. Writing these isn’t taking me away from the other projects, it is working on them. Just under the surface.
Anyway, this week is an astoundingly busy week: Stompopolis projects, Floop projects, preparing to take two weeks off to go to the Vicarage, and the class on TIME which is this Thursday.
I have 7 missions that are all in flux.
So. Fractal flowers, please. Each thing I do helps all the other things! And I can feel it… slowly at first and then with more and more clarity and delight.
The qualities inside of the want:
Spontaneity, Serendipity, Flow, Magic, Surprises, Receptivity, Plenty, Spaciousness, Containment, Safety, Steadiness, Reassurance, Faith, Hope.
Ways this might work:
I don’t know. But that’s the whole point of fractal flowers: I don’t need to know.
I’m playing with…
Trust, trust and more trust.
And being as playful about this as I can, when I can.
Thing 2: Operation SECRET FLOWERS.
Here’s what I want:
This is kind of related to the fractal flowers but it’s more overtly related to my proxy mission from my Crossing the Line retreat, where I pretended that I was at the Crossing to study why flowers make everything better.
So now I know why flowers make everything better, and my new focus is on secret flowers secretly making things better. Things that function like flowers but they are not actually flowers.
For example, a pedicure is a form of secret flowers: it provides pleasure and color and beauty and comfort. With elements of ritual. Also the part where you look down and remember: specialness!
Similarly, it seems (to my monsters) like an Unnecessary Extravagance but it can also be transformational and part of a bigger process.
Another form of secret flowers (for me) is a bath bomb. Monsters don’t even like me writing about this. Girly! Extravagant! Stupid! We might have to rename it. But it’s a secret flower because scent and newness and sensual pleasure.
And because, much like flowers, it changes the bigger experience.
Anyway, I think this ask right now is mostly about investigating secret flowers, learning more about them and finding out what this mission is all about.
The qualities inside of the want:
Pleasure. Delight. Surprise. Smiling. Radiance. Resonance. Quiet. Peacefulness. Marveling. Softness. Wonder. Steadiness. Change.
Ways this might work:
There is a version of Incoming Me who excels at this. She is crazy good at this secret flowers thing. She finds it fun.
She knows how to plant things. And to set it up.
She is always smiling a secret smile about all the secret flowers.
So I think I’m going to ask her for some tips.
I’m playing with…
Smiling every time I see a flower or an image/representation of a flower, or even a bag of flour…. YES.
Thing 3: Something about sleep.
Here’s what I want:
So I don’t know if you guys remember this but last January I stopped sleeping.
Still not sure why, but that’s what happened.
I’d go to bed, and then suddenly wake up at 2am, fully awake.
It was awful. Every day was zombie day.
Anyway, it’s happening again but it’s different. Mainly because last year I just HATED it, and suffered. But this year I don’t seem to mind.
I want deep, restful sleep. And I want to continue to be okay with waking up early if it keeps happening. To stay committed to rejuvenation, in a variety of forms.
The qualities inside of the want:
Rest. Comfort. Peacefulness. Curiosity. Discovery. Trust. Rhythm. Reassurance. Resetting. Readiness.
Ways this might work:
I want to take a look at some Past Januaries of my life.
I definitely remember that the awful insomnia during my first year of university in Tel Aviv was in the winter.
Is this a thing that happens at this time? Something for the Almanac in the Book of Me?
And what do I want to change about January and my relationship to January, and/or about sleep and my relationship with sleep? Investigating.
I’m playing with…
Conducting (it’s code!) before bed.
Continuing with all the de-cobwebbing I’ve been doing.
Noticings about the things I want this week…
Time and space, of course. And it seems like reassurance is really important to me right now. Mmmm.
Bonus wishes, please!
Some of these are secret agent code and some of them are things I’m silent retreat-ing on. Some are qualities that will help. And some are almost pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.
- Fun words.
- Marisa as my neighbor?!
- Operation G.O.O.D.W.I.L.L.
- Operation Luscious Curtains.
- Finalizing the design for the new business cards.
- A solemn promise.
- Decide about January 2014.
- Watches and watches.
- Stompitty yay!
- Friday.
- On this night we dip twice? Dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip. Just watch me.
- Playing a different kind of game.
- Letting beauty be its own reason.
I’m playing with…
Paying attention. Taking it to the Conducting Vault. Pauses.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I wanted to come up with a way of keeping track of special ops, and I figured out how. It’s a combination of the Floop, the Paperless app and the Red Rose Missives.
Next I wanted to open the doors of the Dolphin Adoption Agency to the public, and I did! There is still some work to be done there so I’m re-planting the ask, but the main thing was DOLPHINS, and dolphins are happening. Yay.
Then I was working on Operation Milliner, which was rewriting and editing the highly-charged and very subversive fifty page bonus ebook for the Time Class (there’s also a lot of swearing in it, I should tell you right now). And that is done! Sending it out today, I hope.
And I can’t remember what any of the bonus wishes were about, but they sound awesome. I hope they are all sparkling away, doing marvelous things. Maybe they are their own fractal and/or secret flowers. 🙂
Playing. Shelter for the comments.
What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like. Things sparked for your own process.
I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.
We ask for what we need, and we give each other space and spaciousness for the process.
This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We play.
That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!
As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox
Friday Chicken #232: Yay trucks!
Where I cover the good and the hard in my week, visiting the non-preachy side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
The hard part about this week was that all the missions and operations took much longer than anticipated.
The good was YAY TRUCKS, which we will be using as secret agent code to mean progress being made.
Thanks @chloewrites for this excellent phrase, which is itself progress (I mean, yay trucks) because I have issues with progress and acknowledging it, but I do not have issues with saying yay about trucks. Yay trucks!
What worked?
8 letter words.
Also getting Twitter, Facebook and the Floop to help me come up with 8 letter words.
Turning a Nothing Works Today day into a Putterday.
Not fighting. Going with it.
Letting the puttering be a fractal flower: working on the project through doing something seemingly unrelated and symbolically clearing things out.
Not only did this work amazingly well but then I was able to turn my regular puttering time into writing time.
Secret code for everything.
See also: yay trucks! And wham boom!
Next time I might…
Interview earlier.
All the best things this week came out of a long conversation I had with the version of me who is the Director of the World’s Premier Dolphin Adoption Agency.
She was brilliant and hilarious and gave me the best advice ever.
She: Sweetie, your job is to be filled up on love and not to problem-solve. That’s the job.
Me: WHAT?! But isn’t there pushback from everyone who wants me to problem-solve?
She: Not at all. You set up the agency how you like (hello, it’s called AGENCY!) and people accept that without questions.
Anyway. That was really great. But I spent so much time trying to solve all the problems before I talked to her. Next time I’d like to just start by turning inward. Speaking of…
Get on the floor first.
Everything that was not working this week got better when I crawled down onto the floor and got close to the floor.
Sometimes I waited way too long to do this and then once I did, everything was good.
Floor. Use it, honey.
Recognize that things take longer than I think.
Even when I think I’d already thought about that part!
And sometimes they take longer and expand at the same time…
Operation Four on the Floor turned into a much bigger production than estimated, and that started to feel stressful (it will never end!)
In the end, I decided to divide it into three parts and finish the part that I was working on. And the other parts became new ops (Operation Milliner and Operation Roomglow). That worked really well, I wish I’d thought of it earlier!
The hard.
- Overwhelmed.
- Panic!
- Oh man. Realizing that how I spent December was not really how I’d wanted to spend December.
- Craving time for revue and quiet reflection, and not having it.
- Seeing just how sad I feel when I see that past-me scheduled things I wanted, but then I wasn’t able to take any further steps towards these things actually happening.
- The first really, really cold days here. Scarves and hats and gloves. Reminders of That Awful Winter From Then, forgetting about how Now Is Not Then. Also: cold!
- Too much. Just in general.
- Premenstrual body dysmorphia that came out of nowhere and threw me for the loop of all loops until I figured out what was going on.
- The thing I thought would be great that was just really hard.
- An interesting (and loud!) set of monsters who believe that Plenty Is Bad. For example, you won’t use more than one gorgeous dress so you shouldn’t have more than one. But this rule only applies to me. Other people can have plenty of everything and that is about delight. But if it’s me…. etc.
- Help is still AWOL, doing way too much work. Grumbling about that. I want a long, lazy New Year’s brunch!
- Running into all kinds of old pain from THEN that I hadn’t even known about. Especially from living in Madison and from that long, awful summer working in the factory.
- The day of missing all the buses and wearing the wrong shoes and also snow.
- The day of too many things, too many people, too few transitions.
- Fake Beach Day with socializing is not Fake Beach Day!
- Fireworks and explosions on New Year’s Eve triggered old stuff. Interestingly this time it was not about the terrorist attack that I was in, but about when I lived in south Tel Aviv during the second intifada, being woken up by a suicide bombing in the next neighborhood and then just going back to sleep because I was so jaded/worn-down that it didn’t even matter. Ugh. Old pain.
- Operation Dolphins took four times as long as estimated. Which caused a panic.
- When do I get to go to the Vicarage? Is it now? What about now?
The good.
- A small designer whose clothing I secretly and quietly lust after from afar had a winter sale, and I got a dress I have been quietly desiring for months. This had a lot of symbolic meaning for me, and it took a lot of processing to get there.
- Sun.
- Dance.
- Twenty eight days until I’m off to the Vicarage.
- Writing, writing and more writing. 12,000 words that I feel strongly about. And this means that everyone coming to the class on TIME (it’s this coming week!) is getting an ebook that they didn’t know about. This delights me. And it’s full of outrageously subversive content, of course. That delights me too.
- Amazed, proud and happy about how many ops got done this week. And how much yay trucks.
- YAY TRUCKS.
- A terrific healing from Wally in which I gave away the locked box of loneliness I didn’t even know I was holding onto.
- Seeing Ealasaid again and meeting Nate.
- My new year’s eve ritual is still a really good one: plus pommes frites for dessert.
- Touch on the wrist.
- Whatsit!!!
- Operation Dolphins solves all the problems and streamlines things. It removes obstacles and allows for more sovereignty. Thanks, subconscious.
- Helpful friends keeping me company while I write.
- Richard took care of EVERYTHING this week so that I could write.
- Sweetest ever early-morning playdate
- Adoration.
- Passport came early. And the photo is Marvelously Unremarkable, which is sometimes its own superpower.
- I posted all kinds of things to the blog this week.
- I liked this week!
- Huge huge huge YAY TRUCKS on Operation Milliner, which was my hardest and scariest op this week, so close to done!
WHAM BOOM! Operations completed this week:
The phrase Whoosh Ha Mastadon Boom is secret agent code that means: this op is done, baby! It is often shortened to WHAM boom.
Operation DOLPHINS Wham boom!
Operation DOORPOST Wham boom!
Operation SYLVESTR Wham boom!
Operation PICKLES-A Wham boom!
Operation FOUR ON THE FLOOR Wham boom!
Operation UNCRACKED Wham boom!
Operation READINGS Wham boom!
The Monthly Marigold Maneuver. Wham boom!
Whoosh Ha Mastadon Boom! Wham Boom! Wham Boom!
Oh, and also the B-bop mini-op: Operation It’s In the Notebook. Wham Boom to that too.
You may also shout (or whisper) other joyous words if you like.
Superpowers!
A superpower I had this week…
The superpower of recognizing that YAY TRUCKS counts. Making progress counts.
That Yay Trucks is big and important. Celebrating every part of Yay Trucks, instead of just discounting the things that aren’t done yet.
And a superpower I want next week.
The superpower of letting the compass solve everything.
Tabstravaganza! What’s in all those open tabs.
An absolutely fantastic permission slip about speaking freely from @spiralsongkat.
You guys know how strongly I feel about permission and slips, this is a really beautiful one!
Also, you know what’s BRILLIANT? Clothing For Correspondence. They write your letters, you send them your clothes. Who told me about this?!?!
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
Background. Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once invented hanging out at the Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
This week’s band is the best band that has ever existed.
Thanks, Richard for both the name and the highly entertaining story.
Fuzzy And Cow.
They are sweet and loud and they play all night. Though, of course, it’s really just one guy.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
DOLPHINS, you guys.
If you’ve been wanting to join the Floop (the Floating Playground) or to play with me during the Year of Emptying And Replenishing (password: compass)…
Except you wanted payment options and we didn’t have any.
We now have a Dolphin Adoption Agency where that happens.
And not just any dolphin adoption agency, but the World’s Premier Dolphin Adoption Agency.
This is a wonderful thing, and I have all the excitement. Go there. Visit.
That’s it for me …
Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!
We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
Passage into January.
Hmmm. Time to passage between months again. New month and new year.
Anyone remember how we did this last year? I don’t! But I just looked it up. You guys, there is all kinds of craziness in the archives. I am constantly being surprised by things I trip over in there.
Anyway, it looks like I wrote about the qualities of the voyage on January 4th. Then I did a Hello, January on the 11th. Apparently I didn’t want to do entry for January. Interesting!
So. I think I’ll reverse things this year. I want to enter the month first and then look more at the qualities I want for the year.
Hey there, January. You’re looking fiiiiiiine.
Passaging out of December. What worked?
Scheduling my two weeks of Silent Retreat at the Vicarage to happen at the end of January. And making last minute plans to run away to the beach for Solstice with Danielle.
I really needed that because December was full of hard work, internal and business-related. I don’t know how I would have gotten through it without knowing that this was waiting for me.
Also! Lots of emptying and replenishing, even during the hard work. Regular ten minute breaks to recline on the floor and feel. Walks in the park. The tiniest 80s dance party ever.
But mainly what worked was playing. Having secret agent code words and planning mysterious ops and saying things like “I need to check in with my man in Lichtenstein!”
So long, December. Things I might try differently next time?
Oh man.
Last year (I mean, 2011) I also had way too much in December. Remember? I was exhausted. So this year I scheduled ALL OF DECEMBER off. Just for writing and reflecting.
But the extent of that scheduling was putting it on the calendar. And making sure the new Floop got set up ahead of time.
I didn’t realize how much work there would be waiting for me. And how much more needs to happen than simply cordoning something off.
So next time I want to focus on extending the thing that already worked: solstice beach rally. Making it longer and more focused. Starting there.
Also I really need to get out of town for Christmas. Possibly New Year’s as well.
Passaging into January. Hello, January!
Hi there.
I am inordinately glad to see you. Mostly because this past year was so damn hard that any kind of change feels like fresh air.
Partly because it is sunny and gorgeous today: cold but clear. Partly because I went to the best dance class ever this morning and I feel like a gazelle. Partly because I’m in a cafe I love with Tom Waits in the background. Followed by a quiet instrumental version of La Vie En Rose, because like I said, things are good today.
I don’t know. I just feel happy to be encountering you. Especially reading about how much I dreaded you last year. Already something is different. We get to have a new relationship. Every time.
Qualities I want for January.
Sweetness. Vitality. Pleasure. Anticipation.
Let’s choose words for Jannuary.
I’m going with the word on the calendar: ENTRY.
I’m turning the page in the Stompopolis calendar.
The vortex stone in the image is part of one of our secret speakeasy rituals. It only gets used once.
And it’s sitting on the Scale of Scalability, which doesn’t measure anything. It just scales!
January superpowers?
The superpower from the calendar for this month is perfect:
The Superpower of Maybe Nothing Is Wrong.
Additionally, I want: The superpower of finding treasure in unlikely places. The superpower of remembering what it is like to be a bell.
Things I’m working on and playing with in January.
Stopping.
Attention to fabrics and textures that delight. Warm sweaters. Crushed velvet in my hands. Red flannel sheets. Coziest hot water bottle from Berlin. Engaging senses.
Naming all the missions and giving each one a compass. Keeping track of them with Paperless and the Red Rose Missives.
Things I’m looking forward to in January.
Well, at the end of it there is my well-earned two weeks of being at the vicarage. Anticipation!
There’s the class on TIME on the 10th! I am currently editing the ebook that goes with it. Yes, you will get the ebook if you signed up for the class even though I didn’t tell anyone about it. New year’s present. 🙂
There is entry and exit. And writing dates with my playmate. And more flowers.
There is the Dolphin Adoption Agency.
Mostly I’m looking forward to moving and stretching and early to bed. I need to get a lot of work done before the Vicarage, but I also plan to be a hibernating bear. Because it’s January.
I’m asking for and wishing for….
Presence. Steadiness. Grounding and heart-opening. Smiling.
Naming the moon.
This is a tradition I borrowed from Waverly. You can read more about how I do it if you like.
What does January want to be? For me, I mean. January. What’s the opposite of stagnation? Flow? Newness? Harmoniousness? Congruence? That’s what I want.
The Moon of Everything Is Revitalized. Yes, please.
And?
I want to be here now.
Goodbye, December. Thank you for everything. Goodbye everything that is done. Thank you for being done.
Hello, January. I am touching you gently on the wrist, barely grazing your skin. It’s exciting and new. We exchange flirtatious smiles. And we know right away that we are going to be friends. Huh. How about that.
Play with me…
I mess around with entry and exit each month, going with whatever shows up.
For other versions, peek at 2011: July / August / September / October / November and December. Or 2012: January / February / March / April / May. A love letter to June / July / August / September / October / November / December.
Feel welcome to deposit notes for your entry into January here, if you like. Or drop off some wishes. Or leave flowers.
As always, we make this a safe space by not telling each other what to do, how to be or how to feel. We make room for each other.
Wishing you a just-right January: pleasurable, supportive, and full of unexpectedly good things. And love. All the love.
Three small letters.
My New Year’s Eve ritual:
An early Happy Hour with a friend at a gorgeous hotel bar. Quiet. Whiskey. Delicious food. Laughter. Pommes frites for dessert.
I bring a small notebook and I write three small letters to myself, one to a page. The size of the notebook means that each letter isn’t much more than what might fit on a postcard.
We know it’s time to leave when the bar starts to fill up with women in sparkly dresses.
I head home and sit by the fireplace. And then BED! Dear god I love bed. Still haven’t made it to midnight, but the new year is always still there the next day.
Do you want to read the letters? I’m putting them here.
The letter from me-right-now to me-exactly-one-year-ago.
Oh love. Listen. You can handle everything that happens this year. You can. At times you’ll think you won’t and can’t, but you do. Beautifully.
Even moments of utterly-destroyed and zerstört am Boden turn out later to be what was needed. I am on the other side and I see it.
Wanna know a secret? You can have things that you think you can’t. You’ll just have to release a lot of rules about how.
Also: things will happen that seem awful but they are not awful. They are exactly what is needed. So breathe. And take care of yourself. And go to the beach. I am with you.
The letter from me-right-now to me-in-one-year-from-now.
Wow. I can’t wait to meet you. I can’t wait to be you.
Here is what I wish for you: That you always know there is no way to let me down. That you can look back on your year delightedly, with a secret smile and a contented sigh.
With at least a few (lots!) moments of OH THANK GOD FINALLY.
I wish you pleasure, lusciousness and delight. I hope you are glowing and serene, energized and steady, smiling your smile, wearing something gorgeous. And feeling great in every way. I am squeezing your hand from here.
The letter from me-in-one-year-from-now to me-right-now.
Look at you! Thank you so much for everything you went through in 2012 so we could be together here, now. I hope you are tingling with anticipation!
It is so much easier to be done with false limitations than you think. That’s what this coming year is about. You filled an entire 2012 with unraveling, so that these restrictions could fall away.
Step into a year of pleasures if you choose to have them.
Here’s what I want you to know:
The idea that you could ever be behind is a lie. The idea that you have to make do is a lie. Have-to and either-or: lies. TRUTH is: Pleasure. Breath. Touch. Silence. Laughter. Delight in enough and delight in plenty. It’s all in the compass. You don’t have to believe me and it doesn’t have to make sense.
Take it in. Take me in. I am with you all the way.
Goodbye, goodbye. Hello, hello.
Goodbye, goodbye to the year when the barns all burned.
What I want to remember from last year was not the barns burning but that the burning was how I learned the song you sing while watching them burn. Humming it now.
Sweet dreams, 2012. I can’t wait to explore you, 2013.
And the thing I want to remember most is how adoring I feel towards me from a year ago. How much I want to hold her and tell her that she is okay. And to remember that me in a year feels that way about me. She knows how much work I had to do to get to her, and she is more appreciative than I can imagine.
I will forget, of course. But maybe I’ll remember a little sooner next time. Planting that.
Play with me?
You can write your own little letters, if you like.
I am also receptive to: smiles, humming, warm wishes for a FANTASTIC new year, and general hanging out.
As always: we make this a safe and welcoming space through the deceptively simple practice of abstaining from advice. Love and to the commenter mice, the Beloved Lurkers and everyone who reads.