What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
Friday Chicken #231: A hook is a small but wonderful thing.
Where I cover the good and the hard in my week, visiting the non-preachy side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
What an odd week. It feels as though I managed to pack a month in here except wasn’t it just five minutes ago that I was chickening last week’s Chicken? Time. It is the funniest.
Interestingly, this is also what I have been writing about this week. Onward.
What worked?
Beach Rally!
Danielle and I spent three nights in a sweet cozy cabin at the Pacific Ocean.
And I treated it like Rally (Rally!). I wrote and napped and skipped stones and did lots of old Turkish lady yoga.
Everything about this was exactly what I needed. And it turned out to be the best way to spend the solstice.
Letting plans change.
Toozday was designated to be Writing Day. But then it was more of a meh-no-energy day.
So I turned it into a Putterday. Which was so great.
And the puttering cleared my head and set up the entire week for writing.
Sharing a vision.
I told Richard about my new plans for my Wish Room (former office) and closet, and he found the just-right hooks, and helped me make things even more perfect than what I’d been imagining.
Next time I might…
Extend Beach Rally.
I try every year to come up with some sort of tradition for what to do on christmas day. The zombie yule idea is so great, but I haven’t made it stick. And I want something that’s mine.
This year I found myself dearly wishing I’d stayed at the beach.
So. Next year. Solstice through zombie yule! Hiding away in a cabin and writing. Horizon and water, just like I asked for.
And hot tub please.
Also I made a list in the Paperless app (which I am using as a sort of portable Book of Me) for necessary and desired things to bring with me to a beach cottage.
Remember that You’re Always Behind is a lie.
In fact, Behind is always a monster word. And anytime I hear myself thinking the words You Are Behind, I want to remember that this is a monster.
The biggest (and smallest!) paper tiger of a monster.
If everything is part of flow, then there is no such thing as “being” behind. And if everything is not part of flow because that’s hippie nonsense, then imagining that the moment of being “behind” to be part of a flow is useful. Because then I calm down and start looking for how the not-doing is part of the doing.
And the not-doing is ALWAYS part of the doing. The not-doing is often the most important part of the doing. And it is most certainly part of the setting things up for doing, once you take out the guilt.
You’re Behind is about guilt. And countering guilt with presence, conscious awareness and intentional permission is magic.
I know this. But sometimes I forget. Sometimes-a-lot. Once I remembered, everything got better. Next time I plan to remember earlier. And to color first!
The hard.
- Beach Rally was not nearly long enough.
- Inowanna come home!
- Having a cold.
- That messed with Finally Back To Hours And Hours Of Slow Sweet Yoga.
- Some awful PTSD from surprise holiday fireworks. Left me panicky and jangled.
- Nightmares. Possibly related. Truly awful nightmares.
- Not sleeping well because of jangled and nightmares. Woke up one morning to discover that I’d knocked everything off my bedside table in my nocturnal panicky flailing. Broken glass everywhere.
- Not in the mood for [this week’s big project].
- Monsters about that. You’re So Behind has so many friends. At times it seemed like the whole There’s No Time Gremlin Collective was up in arms. Which turned out to be really useful. But until that happened: not fun.
- Covered in dog hair. DO NOT LIKE. For me, one of the best (oh, let’s say, top 50) things about not living in Bolivia is getting to wear beautiful clothing and not worry about getting drool or chewed up food on them. Dogsitting this week was super fun but man, I just hated being covered in hair. And I hate feeling fussy.
- Headachey.
- Sore.
- Missing someone.
The good.
- Beach time and solstice with Danielle. Writing, napping, reading, process, yoga, epiphanies. Perfect.
- Finally Back To Hours And Hours Of Slow Sweet Yoga.
- And I did some substantial [code name: Tree of Life], for the first time since everything fell apart.
- Sitting in the hot tub. Until we were banished (yes, banished!) by a hailstorm.
- Going out to see a movie on christmas eve.
- Coming home from Beach Rally to discover that my conducting vault (former closet, now meditation nook) had been painted in the interim! It now has a gold ceiling and it is beautiful. Thank you, Heinzelmännchen!
- Playmate. We are in this, I don’t know, intense period of intensity. We are playing all the ways that can be played, and I am learning so much about what it means to be Havi.
- The words “unspool” and “infiltrate”.
- Nick recorded a song for my beach holiday.
- Ha! I have community after all. I act like I don’t but I do. Monday reminded me of this. These are the warm familiar faces in my life, and I like it. It feels like I’ve landed here.
- Hooks! All the right hooks in all the right places.
- I am a cat.
- Writing nest at the Playground! The best. My playmate: “My god. What decadent green Heaven are you hiding in?”
- Three days of writing in the writing nest!
- The 2013 Stompopolis calendars are here! And they are stunning. I am in awe. This morning we’re shipping the international orders: United Kingdom, Ireland, France, Belgium, The Netherlands, Norway, Sweden, Finland, Germany, Austria Czech Republic, Australia, New Zealand. Tomorrow we ship North America. EXCITEMENT and JOY! I am so happy.
- Catching up with Garret, twelve years later.
- Dance class and more dance class!
- “Christmas is for Pleasure.” It’s in the calendar now.
- Dog-sitting. Playing with Buddy and Izabelle (yes, that’s how she spells it, and yes, I have a problem with it but dogs are funny about spelling, right?), who are the BEST DOGS. Adoring them.
- I’m not the only person who makes fun of the irritating gratuitious umlaut phenomenon! Is that just one guy? Anyway, Fritinancy has a pinterest board for this. Warning: this might make you hate humanity. It’s awful-awful-awful. You have been warned.
Superpowers!
A superpower I had this week…
The superpower of Recognizing Monster Language When It’s Disguised As Logic.
And a superpower I want next week.
The superpower of letting things expand and contract at exactly the right times.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
Background. Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once invented hanging out at the Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
This week’s band by way of Steven, who still hasn’t bought me that drink.
The Piñata Butts
They’re a progressive pagan metal mariachi band.Though, of course, much like Steven himself, it’s really just one guy.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
If you haven’t signed up for the class on time, do that. It’s about to get better, because of a thing I can’t tell you about yet. More soon.
That’s it for me …
Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!
We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
Visions #181: It’s a cakewalk.
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
Thing 1: Operation Cakewalk.
Here’s what I want:
Opearation Cakewalk!
- Color: Teal
- Superpower: Everything is Ridiculously Easy and More Fun Than You Think It Will Be
- Costume: scarves! And sparkly eyeshadow.
- Code within code: C.A.K.E.W.A.L.K.
- Contact: Our man in Lichtenstein!
CAKEWALK also stands for: Congruence. Adaptation. Kookiness. Ease. Willingness. Anticipation. Lusciousness. Knight.
The compass will begin North at C and go counterclockwise: “Congruence knights lusciousness with anticipation and willingness: easy kookiness helps with adaptation!”
Elements of the operation include:
(1) Writing the thing that need to be written.
(2) The business card says: I make things fun.
(3) Finding a more fun way to celebrate Zombie Yule or to reconfigure my X Marks The Spot holiday plans in some way.
The qualities inside of the want:
Playfulness. Sovereignty. Spaciousness. Grounded Enthusiasm. Delight. Pleasure. Silliness. Transformation. EASE.
The superpower of how saying cake makes everything better.
Ways this might work:
Ooh. Can this involve James Bond?
Agent Brooks goes to see a 007 film: it’s secret code within secret code within secret code. Also I can look for clews.
And I’m thinking: costume.
I’m playing with…
Our man in Lichtenstein, of course. Rowr.
Thing 2: Doorposts.
Here’s what I want:
To order the mezuzot.
The qualities inside of the want:
Doorposts. Doorways. Passage. Crossing. Ease. Delight. Commitment. Presence. Compass. Trust. Right timing. Flow.
The superpower of Everything Is A Door. And the superpower of remembering that not going through one door is going through another door, so choose your doors.
Ways this might work:
Talk to Incoming me. Also past-you left a list. Find it.
I’m playing with…
Paying attention to all the doorways, doorframes and doorposts this week.
Thing 3: Operation Four On The Floor.
Here’s what I want:
There are two huge writing projects that need my attention this week.
I want this to feel cozy and snug, on my belly on the rug, rolling on the playground floor, having all the words find me.
The qualities inside of the want:
Coziness. Playfulness. Wonder. Delight. Sparkliness. Surprises. Flow.
The superpower of This Is The Exact Right Time To Be Doing This Thank God I Waited Until Now. Also known as the superpower of appreciating the process that didn’t look like a process.
Ways this might work:
Writing date with my playmate. The blue notebook.
I’m playing with…
Letting flowers change the space. Way more flowers than you’d think necessary. All the flowers. And nothing else. White space and flowers.
Noticings about the things I want this week…
Well, I’m a secret agent. And this is basically a chance to wear lots of costumes and take my play very seriously. It’s sexy, sweet and full of wonder. Liking this.
Bonus wishes, please!
Some of these are secret agent code and some of them are things I’m silent retreat-ing on. Some are qualities that will help. And some are almost pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.
- Letting December last a little longer.
- The color teal.
- The business cards, of course.
- Wearing white.
- Being a bell.
- It’s all about time, isn’t it.
- Biding my time.
- Kate’s.
- Prepare for the VICARAGE by thinking about the equinox.
- Eight letter words.
I’m playing with…
Containers.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I asked for an extra dose of peacefulness AND I GOT IT! I didn’t think it would happen but Danielle and I ran away to the beach for three nights and everything got quiet. Oh, peacefulness! The best.
Then I wanted to know what was useful about a Certain Perceived Delay, and I talked to Incoming Me about this. So first of all: she’s hilarious. And second of all, it is not a delay at all. I was mistaken. Hooray!
I wanted a thing that would hold my money and ID while out dancing, and a number of you made fabulous suggestions.
(Ben, I am completely in love with the company you linked to, and also with the fact that you can apparently shorten treadmill to treddie in Australian, in addition to all the other words that you can shorten, which is apparently all of them. This delights me. THANK YOU.)
Anyway, I ended up getting this ridiculously sparkly teal armband from Come Along Cuff, and can’t wait to go dancing. LET’S ALL GO DANCING.
Also several bonus wishes landed, including Passport (a big one!), Eva, 80s, writing time and vault time. I’ve had two straight days of vault time and wow. Appreciative.
Playing. Shelter for the comments.
What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like. Things sparked for your own process.
I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.
We ask for what we need, and we give each other space and spaciousness for the process.
This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We play.
That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!
As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox
Friday Chicken #230: an eight letter word for pleasure
Where I cover the good and the hard in my week, visiting the non-preachy side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
What worked?
Being in character.
I got to pretend to be … let’s call her Ms. [B], for a good chunk of this week, and this gave me a really good sense of what it is like to be her.
So then everything I was working on happened through the filter of her, and that gave me some much needed distance/perspective/insight.
Also it turns out she has no qualms about all kinds of things that I have ALL THE QUALMS about. None whatsoever. So that was liberating and cool.
Knowing what I wanted.
I was really clear about what I wanted. I asked Danielle if she wanted too. She did. And then everything worked and we made it happen.
Making everything into a spy game.
Secret codes for the secret codes.
Everything is an op. Everything stands for something. Everything is silly. Everything gets a ridiculous and vaguely-but-confusingly-sexy name. Operation Four On The Floor commencing at 19:00 hours. Who’s the contact? Our man in Zurich.
This is how I got everything done this week and made all the not-fun things fun to boot.
Next time I might…
Remember that being in character is really intense…
You know how when you invent a character, it’s somehow always astonishing to realize that they are suddenly their own people, making their own choices? Right.
A lot of what I processed through being Ms. [B] was INTENSE. She has access to an entire range of emotional states that I don’t really know about. She loves hard, feels deeply and … yeah, intensity!
I know she was working through some things for me (also a lot of things From Then), and I think it would help to have more time/space/acknowledgment for that.
Collect 8-letter words.
The more of these at my disposal the better. Especially if they are sexy or odd or fun to say.
(Suggestions welcome! Into the pot!)
P.L.E.A.S.U.R.E. already is an eight letter word, yes, I know.
Plan for solstice ahead of time.
See also: almanac of Havi Bell.
The hard.
- Working on the weekend.
- Sleeping through dance class every day.
- Waking up at four a.m.
- It’s cold! And dark!
- Havis need to bounce outside. And when it is too cold and dark to bounce outside, Havis get all Eeyore about it.
- Fake Beach Day was headachey. I stayed at home, which was not good. Too much energy and needing to disperse it.
- Too many things.
- Marisa is gone.
- Ugh the news. Ugh social media. Ugh why can’t everything come with trigger warnings.
- Sore muscles.
- Ridiculous requests.
- People forgetting things I’ve taught them.
- Six more weeks until I’m off to VICARAGE!
The good.
- The secret benefactor of my head/heart.
- Getting Things Done. Including the final 2% on The Big Iguana Of Stuck.
- A five day playdate with my playmate that was nothing short of spectacular. We played, in character, from Saturday night until Thursday morning.
- Getting to be Ms. B. and feeling all of her (complicated and fascinating) feelings.
- Lusciousness. Pleasure. Presence.
- A third secret compass.
- Quickie goodbye visit with Marisa for all the hugs. No really. All of them.
- Nick.
- The rededication ceremony at Stompopolis.
- Foyle’s War.
- I set up the thing that I was scared to set up.
- I have dates for the vicarage.
- A present. Just for me!
- Writing playdate with banjo accompaniment and much laughter.
- Operation Schmurphy Tango! Dear god how I love being a pretend spy.
- All the monster coloring and negotiating paid off with a massive epiphany that changes everything.
- I remembered to pause, and that was the exact right thing to do. Not everything requires a response!
- Six more weeks until I’m off to VICARAGE!
- I loved this week. Heart heart heart heart heart.
- Danielle and I ran away together and now we are at the beach and everything is better because of this.
Superpowers!
A superpower I had this week…
Remembering that nothing is wasted. No, really.
At the time it seemed like I was just screwing around, messing up my life, doing one dead-end thing after another. But from where I stand now, it looks like I was following a treasure map. Lining things up. Adding skills.
And guess what? All the things that are happening right now that feel like a waste of time… they’re part of the treasure map for the next thing. This is exciting.
And a superpower I want next week.
The superpower of being (thanks, Steven!) benevolently unpredictable.
YES PLEASE.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
Background. Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once invented hanging out at the Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
This week’s band is from Kyle, who is so great that he also gave me imaginary glitter spraypaint:
Agile Triple Negative
Though, of course, it’s really just one guy.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
Take the class on Time.
That’s all I will say for now about that.
That’s it for me …
Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!
We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
Visions #180: now that we know each other better
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
Thing 1: an extra dose of peacefulness.
Here’s what I want:
Between the news (from which I am steadily and consciously removing myself) and another situation and the general …. oh how to explain to non-HSP … zappiness in the force…
Extra peacefulness is needed.
Steady, grounded peacefulness that has even more peacefulness inside. It is all peaceful-ed up from all directions.
The qualities inside of the want:
Steadiness. Shelter. Safety. Presence. Grace. Lightness. Resonance. Love. And, of course, peacefulness.
The superpower of being my own anchor.
Ways this might work:
Conducting and compassing. All the time. Even for small doses. Two minutes here, five minutes there.
Get on the floor. Get close to the ground.
Ten breaths. And then another ten.
Lots of old Turkish lady yoga.
Dissolving and radiating.
I’m playing with…
Remembering that I can set up my external environment to support this. And I can fill up on my me-ness, my suchness, and fill my internal space with presence, which is a direct invitation for peacefulness.
Presence and peacefulness are best friends. If I invite one in, the other one will tag along. That is one of the things that showed up at the Crossing.
Also I seem to remember that the last time I asked for peacefulness, I learned a lot about its opposite before the peacefulness came whooshing in. Maybe this time, now that we know each other better, our encounter can begin with sweetness.
Thing 2: Learn more about the hidden usefulness of the Giant Perceived Delay.
Here’s what I want:
There is a thing that Stompopolis needs, and I have not taken care of this need, and it is interesting that I keep choosing other things to do.
So I want to (quietly, lovingly — safety first!) investigate.
Is there something useful about this delay? Maybe it is not at all a delay and instead a Percolating Time. Are there monsters who haven’t been heard? Or maybe there’s something I need in order to take a next step (or to back off and let this cook some more).
Information. That is what I want. And if backing off is needed, then I will back off. I just want to make sure that it’s not sad, scared parts of me whispering go-away-don’t-look.
The qualities inside of the want:
Curiosity. Patience. Desire. Fortitude. Faith. Planting. Spaciousness. Presence. Blowing kisses.
And the superpower of what if this is actually right timing?
Also known as the superpower of Oh Right Nothing Is Wrong. With a pinch of Removing Guilt Helps Everything Go More Smoothly.
Ways this might work:
I’m not sure. I’m going to put this here and practice letting it be.
I’m playing with…
The wish is here. I’ll check in with it over the weekend.
Thing 3: A thing that will hold money and ID when I go dancing.
Here’s what I want:
Havi Bell happiness requires much dancing, bouncing and being in gazelle state. Most of the time this happens in the living room, at the Playground, on the street and of course in dance class. But sometimes it happens ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
And I want a place to put money and ID that is not be a purse and still more effective than sticking everything in my bra.
So. It could be an arm band or a wrist cuff, as long as it can hold identification and maybe a credit card.
It has to be attractive. Or if not let it be bizarre enough that that it looks like part of a nutty outfit because that would work. What else?
- NOT a shoe pocket or an anklet or anything that requires bending over.
- I’ve seen some cute garter belt style solutions to this but I need something that will also work under a tight dress if need be.
- Not a hip pack or anything bouncy. When I dance, I need to DANCE.
The qualities inside of the want:
Ease. Freedom. Beauty. Play. Delight. Grace.
And the superpower of elegant solutions.
Ways this might work:
If anyone here wants to throw out a suggestion or something they’ve seen or tried, that is welcome and appreciated.
Someone on the Floop or maybe at the Frolicsome Bar (facebook) might know of something good.
Etsy.
I’m playing with…
Wanting the want. Dancing it up.
Noticings about the things I want this week…
Presence and ease is big. As is making small changes in approach to change the environment, or vice versa.
Bonus wishes, please!
Some of these are secret agent code and some of them are things I’m silent retreat-ing on. Some are qualities that will help. And some are almost pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.
- Decide on new year’s plans. If X, then Y. Etc.
- Knights of The Blue Table?
- Passport!
- Dolphins and herring? Open a dolphin adoption agency? Decisions. Hm.
- Mezuzot.
- 80s!
- Eva.
- Earlier to bed.
- Anticipation.
- Vault time.
- Writing is pleasure.
I’m playing with…
Having a secret thing to look forward to.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
OHMYGOD. I wanted horizon and water, and then that immediately became available to me in two different ways and then I fought it all week. Huge resistance. All the monsters and all the objections.
But after many productive monster negotiations, it all worked out, and I have MULTIPLE DAYS of horizon and water in my calendar now. Not all at once. But they exist and they are paid for and I am in heaven just thinking about it.
Then I wanted a quality in a quantity. Like a thimbleful of sweetness. Or a pot of silliness.
And Sarah gave me the idea of a Sarah-ful being a unit of measurement, and yes why not. So I am now measuring things in Havi Bells. A Havi Bell of Delight. A Havi Bell of Appreciation.
Then my big ask was about clearing out cobwebs and wow. This was the week of cobweb clearings. I had the superpower of all superpowers of de-cobwebbing. It was INTENSE. Glad I asked.
And all the bonus wishes came true except for one. I don’t know why it took me so long to do bonus wishes. Oh right because the monsters think it’s “cheating”!
Playing. Shelter for the comments.
What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like. Things sparked for your own process.
I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.
We ask for what we need, and we give each other space and spaciousness for the process.
This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We play.
That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!
As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox
Friday Chicken #229: notebook and pen
Where I cover the good and the hard in my week, visiting the non-preachy side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
What worked this week?
Devoting my Fake Beach Day to a specific project.
I’ve had this writing project that is not a work project and not a personal project, and so it never gets any time.
This week I gave my Monday over to this project. I wrote for five hours straight and at the end I had fourteen pages of exactly what I needed to say. I wouldn’t want to make this a regular thing but in this particular case it was just right.
Changing location.
Meshaneh makom meshaneh mazal.
Change your place, change your luck.
Going to the Tea House with one writing project, one notebook and a pen. And a companion doing the same.
Playful writing date with my playmate.
It turns out that being slightly distracted actually helps me focus.
I got another huge writing project done on Wednesday. All the sparklpoints to meeeeee!!!!
This particular project has been driving me batty since APRIL. Anyway, my playmate gets credit for texting me sweet distractions every fifteen minutes or so. It was exactly the right thing.
Having company without being with someone. Having shared anticipation, laughter, joy while still being on my own. This was great.
Next time I might…
Let a zombie day be a zombie day.
It is a known thing (with much documentation in the Anthology of Havi) that when a zombie day strikes, nothing is going to happen.
Resisting the stuck just makes it worse. There is only one thing to do on a zombie day and that is to take care of myself. To replenish. To do the things that will help it maybe eventually turn into not-a-zombie day.
The sooner I remember this, the better things go. The problem is that zombie day will show up at an inopportune time and I try to bulldoze through it and make it a Doing Day anyway.
Letting a zombie day be a zombie day is the fastest way out of a zombie day.
Give Annoyed Me a notebook and a pen.
It turns out that Annoyed Me has a lot to say about [situation].
And the longer I wait to process, the more frustrated she feels.
It makes sense that I don’t want to do this. I’m definitely not looking forward to finding out just how much annoyance is in there, or how much is actually directed at me and not the situation that I think I’m annoyed about. But I don’t have to do anything.
Just letting her have her say will make things easier. And I don’t have to solve anything. Just hearing her out is a starting point.
The hard.
- The news.
- Being around people.
- Being out in the world when everything is painful and zappy.
- Working on the weekend again.
- Ten days without dance class.
- The thing that I put on my lips that I love has been discontinued!
- The second thing that I put on my lips that I love has a new packaging and I do not like it. Grumble.
- Feeling overwhelmed.
- A morning meeting that put another two hundred things on that list. I got them all done but then it looked as though nothing had changed. Feh.
- All the cobwebs in my life were extra visible this week.
- Still have not figured out what to do with the dolphins and the herrings (proxy).
- Feeling annoyed about a situation, and no time to process this yet, and now reaching extreme annoyance levels.
- Misunderstanding!
- Doing all the things is fulfilling but doing all the things is also exhausting.
- The thing that needs to be booked is still not booked.
- Being a highly sensitive person: blessing/curse/blessing/curse.
- I’m glad the cobwebs are clearing but raising all that dust is not fun at all.
The good.
- Spending last Friday in the cafe, having a day of Doing All The Things. Normally I take Fridays off but it’s such a miracle when a day of intense productive flow shows up that I took it. Happily.
- Then had a whole week like that. Seriously. It was the week of Doing All The Things. It is outrageous how much got done this week.
- Hannuka. Candles and brightness and singing and all the fried foods forever.
- My cousin Noah lives here now! He came over for latkes and Marisa came too and this was absolutely lovely.
- My very personal ad for de-cobwebbing turned out to be the best thing ever, because I have been moving out all the cobwebs, and it feels amazing! So much movement of stagnant energy.
- I rewrote the CRUMb, which is the pirate crew user manual, and it is a thousand billion trillion times better now. That was a gigantic project that I’ve been avoiding, and it felt really good to watch it transform. And then I rewrote the Entry Packet too.
- Fake Beach Day with Danielle!
- Having the dates!
- Discovering @SeinfeldToday on Twitter.
- The tea house.
- Writing out the entire story of the Tree of Life.
- Wednesday. I woke up Wednesday full of appreciation and gratitude for everything. Including every single aspect of The Hardest Thing that happened this year, and the crisis situation of the past several months. For everything. I knew I would be able to see the good eventually and now I do. Thank you for the barns, for the burning of the barns, for the ability to breathe through it, being able to get to the point of recognizing that this is okay.
- Loyal friends.
- A chance meeting a few months ago turned out to have planted the exact right thing at the exact right time.
- Feldenkreis class with Wally.
- The VICARAGE! I am the most brilliant person on the planet, and I have an escape plan and I am going to the vicarage and I don’t have to explain it unless I want to.
Superpowers!
A superpower I had this week…
Clearing out all the cobwebs.
Including cobwebs I didn’t know were cobwebs. Like updating my gravatar and twitter picture.
And a superpower I want next week.
The superpower of remembering that I can make things fun and easy. As the starting point and not the ending point.
And the superpower of disconnecting from everyone else’s worry and reconnecting to my humming heart of tingle-joy.
From the archives.
Past-me is a genius, you guys.
I just found this post about tiny bits of wisdom while I was looking for something else.
And it is exactly what I needed to read for the Tree of Life situation and to resolve another thing I’m dealing with.
YAY me from July of 2008 who didn’t even know that she was writing for me of today.
Also this, from May of last year: LOVE HARDER!
See? I already knew the answer to this situation. Love harder, love more, fill up on love and radiate love, and then, yes, more love.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
Background. Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once invented hanging out at the Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
This week’s band:
Reaching For Glass Straws.
Though, of course, it’s really just one guy.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
Come to the class on TIME. It’s the prerequisite for the Year of Emptying and Replenishing (password: compass).
And it’s about all the things I’m passionately thinking about right now.
That’s it for me …
Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!
We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.