What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
Friday Chicken #220: Stroke. Glide. Glide.
In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
Let’s just say it. This was the week of being Shat Upon.
Literally and metaphorically.
It was also the week of going with that. It was the week of flow, because there is only flow. It was the week of hey let’s just keep on skating.
Stroke. Glide. Glide.
The hard stuff
Seriously. What is with all the shitting on me.
I am currently pretending to be the heroine in a (so far pretty terrible) romantic comedy.
Birds needed to shit on me this week. Twice in as many days. First my jeans, then my favorite scarf.
I’m not really clear on how or when the romance or the comedy plays a part in any of this but the part about being covered in bird shit is completely taken care of.
Of course, given the way I was metaphorically shat upon all week, it kind of worked.
A conundrum. And some soul questioning.
Everything reconfigures. Everything changes. Everything dies. This is truth.
Still, some reconfigurations are less expected than others.
What do you do when the one person who has consistently had your back for the last ten years suddenly and inexplicably turns on you?
That was a question this week. It was one of them.
Everything is different now.
That’s probably a good thing. But it doesn’t necessarily always feel like a good thing.
Plans.
Every single thing I planned to do this week was derailed by the Emergency Situation (I am fine, everyone breathe) that showed up Sunday.
The hardest letter.
I thought July brought the hardest letters to receive and to write, but actually this week: harder.
It seems I’m getting quite skilled at receiving heart-shatteringly awful pieces of information from people I love.
Oh heartache.
Not of the romantic kind. Silent retreat!
Misunderstandings.
There is nothing worse (for me) than being misunderstood.
May all misunderstandings be dissolved in love. And this one. Especially this one.
Destruction.
Taking apart what has been built. Undoing and then undoing some more.
This year.
It’s been one long bootcamp in loss and pain. With bonus exams in the subject of perceived betrayals, misunderstandings, broken friendships and goodbyes.
I am thinking a lot about the symptoms and indicators of being in shock. I have them.
Still a bit wobbly.
And the cold that didn’t want to go away took its sweet time leaving this week.
Baseball.
You know what’s great about being a Giants fan and a Tigers fan?
Writhing in agony while watching both the teams you madly love embarrass themselves shamefully in the post-season — AT THE SAME TIME.
Oh wait, that’s not fun at all.
I mean, yes. They somehow made it to the post-season. That is very exciting. But seriously, this week was torture. Embarrassing, embarrassing torture.Whew. Onward.
The good stuff
Saying “stroke-glide-glide” over and over again..
Nick gave me a quote from his studies: “compound-time divisions might feel like waltzing or skating — stroke, glide, glide; stroke, glide, glide; stroke, glide, glide…”
And in this tumultuous of everything breaking, that phrase came at just the right moment.
I really just need people around me who can say Stroke, Glide, Glide all the time.
On repeat until I remember that EVERYTHING is part of flow.
Stroke. Glide. Glide. Stroke. Glide. Glide.
(If anyone wants to say it with me here, you are welcome. Also it might make you feel better too, who knows.)
It’s almost like this steadying reminder that this is all part of flow. Just keep skating. Listen to the sounds of life skating: stroke, glide, glide.
I said this a lot this week.
The ocean.
I took everything to the ocean, and the ocean knew what to do with it.
The ocean knows.
And it gave me a cold black stone from the heart of the earth.
The ocean lives by stroke-glide-glide. It knows about time and about things that are temporary. About reconfigurations and letting things go and being massive and being tiny. And surrender.
Surrender.
It was an entire week of surrendering. Actively, not passively.
Here I am, consciously agreeing to not fight. Consciously agreeing to be love.
I was in it, and then back to resistance, and then in it, and then back to resistance. Waves and waves.
You guys. Surrender is a big crazy word that doesn’t even begin to hold all that is inside of it. That shit is intense. And that’s pretty much all I want to say about that.
Support.
I was hurting hard for big parts of this week and somehow everyone knew the right things to say. My business mentor took care of me. The first mate was calm and steady.
Marisa and Briana and Lady Chuck and Wally and Alon all said things that brought me back to truth. And my playmate was there to remind me too, with little notes.
Thank you everyone who kept me company at the Twitter bar and with facebook frolicking, and all of it. Hugely appreciated.
And also something D’s friend said about how this year is the end of the world, but it’s all about personal apocalypse. It made me smile wryly exactly when that was the right thing.
Getting exactly what I wanted, cue hysterical laughter.
Here’s a funny story.
I spent all Saturday writing about the direction I want to be taking in my life and in the business. The thing I have not been letting myself think about because of other commitments.
And these other commitments all stem from a huge promise I made many years ago.
So I wanted to figure out if I could delay some of them. Or find easier ways to make them happen. Or maybe they could be delegated or changed somehow.
The very next day I received the pain-filled letter that changed everything, and a side effect of this letter is that it essentially released me from this promise.
So. I am now free to do the things that I want to do, and I no longer have any obligation to stick with the things that I did not want to do but were in service to the mission.
I would rather have been released in a way that was less shocking and painful. But you know what? This awful, awful, painful thing is also a permission slip to go and do what I want.
Yep. That’s kind of funny. I will laugh about it some more once I’m done crying.
Destruction.
Clean, clear slicing through. Undoing everything that no longer serves truth or is no longer needed.
A lot of things got destroyed this week.
Liberation.
In eighteen minute segments.
And here is a quote, even though I never do this.
And not just a quote, but a Rumi quote.
“You are not just a drop in the ocean. You are the mighty ocean in the drop.”
Not just. You are both. This and also that. Stroke, glide, glide.
Stompopolis.
The place where all my problems melt away. Perspective.
I went to Stompopolis every day, and Stompopolis slowly made it all better.
I cannot even imagine how I would have written that letter without being there.
Baseball.
Somehow both the Tigers and the Giants made it safely through the first round of post-season madness.
(And I collapse on the floor in a pile of exhaustion!)
It rained. And I had a bath.
I am here.
The color turquoise.
Beautiful.
Everything is okay.
Everything is okay, and for the first time in my life I know what it is like to be surrender embodied. For stretches here and there, at least.
Stroke, glide, glide.
Playing live at the meme beach house — it’s the Fake Band of the Week!
Background? Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once translated “people will hate me and be jealous” to “they’ll hang out at my Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
This week’s band is from Nick again and it’s one of my favorite bands ever. They’re funny and sweet and you never know what’s coming next.
Tiger Dopamine Delivery System
Though, of course, it’s really just one guy.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
We’re phasing out all of our products that come with DVDs, both online and in the Toy Shop at Stompopolis.
As of last count, there are 51 shiva nata dvds (but I’ve promised one to a friend so the page says 50).
So. If you’ve ever wanted to get the Shiva Nata starter kit, this would be the time. Or get the DVD without the kit. While supplies last. Shipping INCLUDED in the cost.
And we have three left of our non-sucky yoga package. There you go.
When these are gone, they’re gone.
That’s it for me …
Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!
We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
Stroke, glide, glide. Stroke, glide, glide.
Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
Visions #169: Swift and loving, at the same time.
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
Thing 1: An actual home for the Wishing Hour.
Here’s what I want:
Last week I wanted a Wishing Hour, in which to wish all the wishes.
And I wished various wishes this week, but the practice didn’t have a home. It didn’t have a time of day where it wanted to live, or walls that defined it in any way.
Partly, maybe, because I was sick. So I wasn’t doing any of the things it might normally attach to. Huh. I guess I have been thinking of its home as a lean-to.
So. I think this needs to become a morning thing or an evening thing. And if a morning thing, then waking up earlier.
Anyway, I am going to investigate this.
Ways this might work:
Tomorrow at Beach Day. I can interview Harmony to find out what she knows.
Maybe the Wishing Hour isn’t the thing at all, maybe it’s just some aspect of having dedicated time and space for being with the vision.
Oh. Of course. I just figured something out.
I’m playing with…
Being curious and playful.
Investigating what I know and what I don’t know yet.
Thing 2: Staying true to the vision.
Here’s what I want:
I just realized that the Wishing Hour needs to fit in with the vision of the Humming Castle (which I may or may not have told you about?).
And that what I really need is more time with the vision so that I can stay true to the vision. Actively.
What is needed is time to be with the vision. And then the wishing can emerge from that.
Interesting. I may not be explaining this very clearly but I am excited.
Ways this might work:
Maybe some time in the next couple weeks I will tell you guys about the vision. That would be kind of crazy. But kind of great.
Maybe Wednesday is a good day for vision days since that’s the day I talk to my mentor, and we think about the vision a lot anyway.
Conducting.
I’m playing with…
Napping. Getting close to the ground. Conducting! All day, every day. Remembering truth.
Thing 3: A swift loving resolution to a preposterous and tragic misunderstanding.
Here’s what I want:
Someone is having a giant misunderstanding about me right now and this misunderstanding is leading them to react with a lot of anger and hurt. And to make bizarre demands.
I want to be able to meet this person’s hurt with presence and love, without going into my stuff or into their stuff.
And I want a swift, ease-filled, loving resolution.
Ways this might work:
I don’t know.
I will do yoga on it. I will do shiva nata on it. I will work on the part of this that is my stuff.
I am asking and hoping that this person will sit with their fear and pain, and recognize the truth: that it has nothing to do with me. It is distortions and more distortions.
I am asking and hoping that this person will remember my good heart, and recognize that this is all a misunderstanding.
And I will try to stay grounded, patient, compassionate and curious, no matter how this goes.
I’m playing with…
Trust. Prayer. Whatever works.
One more thing! In my experience, things like this that feel like the-worst-thing-ever at the time that they happen generally (weirdly!) turn out to be the best thing ever in retrospect.
So, without any forced appreciation because that would be violent and self-destructive, I would like to imagine that I already know that this is the best thing ever. And then be curious about how and why.
Thing 4: Thursdays.
Here’s what I want:
So. This is hilarious. Sort of.
I have been investigating my relationship with Fridays, and letting Friday be my Puttering Day.
And it turns out (because, as Andrey says, morning begins at night, and as I say, you exit in order to enter) that the place that is stuck is Thursdays.
In order for Friday to be a puttering day, Thursday needs to be a getting-things-ready day.
This has stirred up all kinds of ludicrous but useful internal turmoil.
So. I don’t have to solve the Thursday thing. I just want to investigate: what would, ideally, happen on Thursdays (it doesn’t need to happen yet!) in order for Fridays to function the way I need them to?
Ways this might work:
My guess is this one is going to require lots and lots of monster negotiations.
I’m playing with…
Using the coloring book.
Maybe a proxy. This feels really raw for some reason. Something about my relationship with time has a lot of pain and guilt in it. So maybe there is a way I can back off and make this a little more light-hearted. I will experiment.
Thing 5: Shortening the Embarking Anthology.
Here’s what I want:
We’re about to let some more people into Stompopolis (yes, we’re very secretive!).
And there is an Embarking Anthology that people get when they come to their first Pop-in.
It needs to be shorter. By a lot.
This is the week of revisions.
I need help with this. I need it to be fun. I need steady, firm, non-shaky support.
Ways this might work:
Maybe Danielle or Marisa can sit with me while I do it.
I’m playing with…
Hmm. Maybe some secret agent code.
And taking it to a cafe.
Maybe some fractal flowers. Maybe while I’m doing one thing, this will become easier. Or maybe doing this will make everything else easier. Or both. That’s what I’d like.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
Let’s see, I asked for a playful Wishing Hour, and for it not to be a chore. Still committed to that. Not a chore! And I got a lot of useful information about next steps.
And I wanted to play with Fridays, and oh boy. We have been playing. I’m learning a lot about the stuck parts, and I’m also learning a lot about what I want. Useful!
I wanted to ask: Is this indicated?
And I did. All week long.
Then I asked for recommendations for list apps, and thank you! Lots of ideas. Still testing.
And I wanted new structures for work, which sort of happened and sort of didn’t, because I was sick all week. But I played with working for fourteen minutes and then calling someone to check in, and that was fun. Will keep experimenting.
Playful playing. Shelter for the comments.
What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like.
Here or on your own or in your head. It’s all fine. Or call silent retreat!
I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.
If you’re looking for suggestions or heart-sighs or anything else related to your wish, you will need to ask for that because our default mode is giving each other space and spaciousness for the process.
This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We make space for people’s wishes.
That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!
As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox
Friday Chicken #219: sleepy tigers, long knights, not just a sandwich.
In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
Hello there, Friday.
Don’t you look nice.
The hard stuff
Time, again.
More things that want doing (and that I want to do) than time to do them in.
Soreness.
Bruised something or other. Hurting.
Sick day instead of beach day.
It turned out (surprise) to be part of the flow.
But a sick day is no fun, this is truth.
Sick day turned into sick week.
Having a cold and being foggy.
Also my lips are chapped and unhappy.
People. Communication. Interactions.
Specifically the way people put their unsovereign bullshit crap on me. This happened a few different times in different ways. But also just interacting in general. Eventually you figure it out but sometimes the getting there is tough.
Also this week I had to get firm about people (everyone!) bringing me things other than sweetness. The secret box of delivering things to me is only for sweetness. I had to remember this myself before I could remind everyone else.
Wanting to hear a thing and not hearing it.
But then hearing it later when I was already over it.
Nothing was fun so I asked what would make it fun and then there was a power outage.
Hmmm.
Hmmm.
The good stuff
A transcendent cheese sandwich.
A life-altering sandwich that changed everything.
That is not even a proxy. An actual sandwich. At Crema. It changed my life. Forever. I made inappropriate noises in public.
This sandwich was so many things.
Among those: it was a tangible reminder about the astonishing importance of pleasure and simplicity and presence, which are three of the things I’m working with right now anyway.
My god. That sandwich. And then I think of all the amazing sandwiches there still are yet to meet, and I am overwhelmed with sandwich-joy in my tingle-bliss heart.
Surrendering instead of fighting. Harmony.
Harmony is the hilarious name that slightly-future-me aka Incoming Me wants to be called (she’s trying to teach me how to harmonize).
Even though she is always right, I have a rebellious streak a mile wide so I try to fight her on everything.
Last Friday I fought with her about everything. She won.
That’s how the sandwich and I met each other. And it’s how I made a new friend. By way of the sandwich, interestingly. (Harmony: I TOLD YOU SO.)
And this is also how I ended up on a marvelous adventure.
Mainly though, this is how Harmony finally taught me to pay attention.
This week I paid attention.
Going on a marvelous adventure.
It involved reconnaissance and sneaking into a secret place late at night.
Taking care of incoming me.
This week I was super vigilant (in a fun and loving way) about planting sweetness for slightly future me.
Doing little things for tomorrow-me. It felt really good.
Playdating.
All of Friday afternoon and evening. And then all Sunday and Monday.
Wonderful. We played at all the best things. We rewrote high school memories, we were lions and tigers and bears. Well, not lions. We were not-lions.
We had all the words. We had sweetness and contemplation.
I was gentle.
I don’t like being sick but I didn’t push. Usually I push.
This was good.
I got an answer.
It wasn’t the answer I wanted but it was the answer I needed. Thank you, answer.
Responded to a hard thing.
It was a useful process.
PROGRESS. Giant progress.
This week I buckled down and worked, and all the big stuck pieces that I have been chipping away at since April finally crumbled and disintegrated.
All the walls that needed to get knocked down got knocked down. And all the structures that needed to get built got built.
I bought myself a present.
I have been putting this off for many months and this week it became clear that now is the time. It was a little scary and a little wonderful. Very wonderful. Monsters are up in arms but they’ll thank me later.
Reinforcements! Knights arrived.
Also it turns out that if you ask your blog readers to send you knights, you get both knights and puns.
Like a knight sent by A. Knight. By way of Cynthia!
Thank you, everyone who sent knights! And puns. And pewter knights. Also, one of these is from my parents.
Nothing was fun so I asked what would make it fun and then there was a power outage.
So then I lit a bunch of candles and rested on the floor, and when I was done I knew how to make things fun again.
The answer, if you’re wondering, was as follows:
1. Turn radical trust into a game and find out how you can trust more!
2. Dance around the room to 80s music on your phone.
3. Blow a bunch of bubbles!
4. Play the game of how-much-work-can-happen-before-your-laptop-runs-out-of-juice.
5. Swing on the swings in the park!
It’s all part of the flow.
This week I was able to remember this more often than not.
The fun part of the Chickening happens here.
Tabstravaganza! Or: what’s Havi been up to with all those open Firefox tabs?
- There is nothing funnier than imagining Lucille Bluth saying things that are actually Mitt Romney quotes. If you’re not an Arrested Development fan, this will not be funny. But why would you not be an Arrested Development fan? That makes no sense. There is also this site which reverses the scenario, equally brilliant.
- The remarkable Rebecca Solnit, again. She has stuff to say: The Rain On Our Parade.
- This is not political but it is a FABULOUS pirate frog, and it comes by way of Judy. I feel strongly about pirate frogs!
- And THIS is the best blog in the world. “Daddy, do buildings get bored?”. I could read this all day every day. Thank you, Sheridan.
Playing live at the meme beach house — it’s the Fake Band of the Week!
Background? Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once translated “people will hate me and be jealous” to “they’ll hang out at my Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
This week’s band is from Riley, who made me laugh with this at a good moment.
Chinese Finger Trap Of Anxiety
They’re funny and sweet and they make a lot of noise. I believe tambourines might be involved?
Though, of course, as you might have already guessed, it turns out that it’s really just one guy.
I would also like to throw in this Sentence of The Week, courtesy of my friend Garret, hugely out of context, and this sentence really needs to be in the lyrics for a song from one of our fake bands:
“Kitten bubbles should adequately raise the fun level until the moment passes and alcohol and sex can resume.”
Okay. Maybe sentence of the week is going to have to be a new tradition. We shall see. Though I think autocorrect is going to win every time.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
We have some pretty great stuff coming up.
In the meantime, I would keep talking to those monsters, or just drawing them.
And practicing the Art of Embarking.
Both of these will help tremendously with what’s next.
That’s it for me …
Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!
We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
Passaging out and in. Hello, October.
This month I’m combining my two obsessions: exit and entry, because that’s what feels right this time around.
So let’s mark the passage out of September and into October, and find out how they want to be bridged.
In fact, what if we started with the bridge?
I’m going to do that.
The bridge.
What is taking me from September and into October?
Or: What am I taking with me from passage to passage?
Let’s see. Definitely the four qualities that showed up at the beach:
Simplicity. Presence. Pleasure. Space.
These seem important.
Also the idea for a daily Wishing Hour (not necessarily an hour) that travels around in my day. So it’s a ritual that isn’t attached to a particular time but is something I look forward to. I’m experimenting with that.
And everything I have learned about flow (a lot!) and play (which I thought I knew about but get this, there’s so much more).
What worked in September?
What do I want to keep from my September adventures? And by adventures I mean: being alive and experiencing stuff and paying attention.
- Following desire and inclination.
- Working fewer hours but getting way more done because of smart creative containers for working, and because of working in partnership.
- Tiny skype dates with Marisa and my playmate.
- Being outside.
- Allowing for change. What I want can change! From minute to minute, if need be. My job is just to pay attention.
- Appreciation. Stopping to appreciate things I don’t normally pay attention to.
- Huge progress on Stompopolis systems challenges: doing shiva nata and talking it out with people out loud.
- Trusting deeper. Relaxing more.
What do I want to try differently in October?
Earlier to bed please!
More sleep, in general.
Now, not later. Except when later. Because sometimes: later.
Asking the question. Is this indicated? What about now?
Scheduling fewer things. Plan for less. And then less than that. I’ve been serially overbooking for a lifetime, and each time I think I’ve pared down, it turns out I’m still overestimating capacity. Remove remove remove.
Not putting off things that come from a strong and intent inclination. For example, last week I was craving orange juice all week. But I didn’t make it a priority and it didn’t happen. This week I have a cold. Next time I just want to trust the body-feeling. Orange juice? That’s what I need? Let’s make it happen NOW.
What do I want to remember for October?
Two big things.
1) You guys! I had the most astonishing realization the other day.
LAST October I had three impossible crazy wishes. Wishes so crazy that I barely dared to think them, never mind to say them out loud. Which I didn’t.
But get this. All three of them are here. They all happened. Even the one that really, really, really couldn’t have happened.
I want to remember this. My impossible wishes are not impossible. It is okay to want things and not know how they are going to happen.
2) And I want to be easier on myself.
I work two full-time jobs (running this company that is the online business and being the director of Stompopolis and the Playground). I have way less help than I need.
And I also have the additional full-time job of taking care of myself and staying healthy and working on my stuff.
So maybe I can stop giving myself crap about all the things I’m not doing or not getting around to or not doing yet. That’s monster-talk, and I can investigate it. But I don’t have to believe it.
I’d like to stop apologizing for not doing more of what I’d like (playing here with you guys on the blog, for example), and trust that THIS TOO is part of flow.
All of it is part of flow. The perception of not having time, the resentment about doing or not doing, the wondering when I will be able to get back to X or do more Y. This is all part of flow.
It is okay that I haven’t figured it all out. All I have to do is say: okay, this is part of flow. How can I take care of myself?
What does slightly-slightly future me want me to know?
If there is a version of me who is just the slightest bit wiser in these things, one or two steps ahead of me, what would she want to tell me?
She says:
“You really and truly are doing the best you can with the tools you have.
“You can’t get this wrong. Even though you think that you are constantly getting it wrong. You’re just collecting information for a bigger experiment.
“Guess what? You are making all the right choices. Commit to your body, commit to rest, commit to play, commit to desire, commit to wonder, commit to flow.
“Everything else comes from that. The right people to help you, the right people to play with, the right timing. It comes from you committing to giving yourself what you need.
“You are going to look back at this month, at this entire year, and say that everything happened as it needed to. Not in a wry, bitter, “oh boy, we learned some useful life lessons, didn’t we?” kind of way. In a joyful, happy, appreciative way.
“You can’t even see how perfect this is. But seriously, you’re in the right place at the right time for the mission. And I’m here to help. So talk to me.”
Okay. That was interesting. Thanks, slightly-future-me.
What would I like to experience in October?
Passages and crossings.
For my Crossing the Line retreat to be as amazing as last year’s, which I am positive it will be.
Trust.
Simplicity, presence, pleasure and space. Again! And in a variety of ways. I would like to see them everywhere.
Closing a circle.
Doing zombie thriller for Thrill The World, which is my favorite thing ever.
Progress on my new relationship with Fridays.
Joy, laughter, hilarity, silliness and play.
Delight in plenty.
Anything else?
I want to be here now.
Goodbye, September. Thank you for everything. Goodbye everything that is done. Thank you for being done. Mmhmm.
Hello, October. Thank you for being here.
Hello, me who is ambivalent and me who is excited. Me who is appreciative and me who can’t remember how to be appreciative. We’re all a part of this. We all get to passage through and cross over.
Let’s embark.
Play with me?
This practice is so different from month to month. I go with whatever comes. And this is what showed up this time.
For other variations, peek at: last July / August / September / October / November / December / January / February / March / April / May. A love letter to June. This year’s July and August and September.
You are welcome to write your notes on entry into October, if you like. Or drop off some wishes and gwishes. Or leave flowers.
As always, we make this a safe space by not telling each other what to do, how to be or how to feel. We make room for each other.
Wishing you the most just-right October possible. May it be full of unexpectedly good things. And love. All the love.
Visions #168: Is it indicated?
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
Thing 1: The Wishing Hour.
Here’s what I want:
I want designated time each day for processing wishing and wanting. Conscious interaction with desire.
And I would like this to be fun, playful. Part of play.
Not a chore. I mean, yes, I know that wherever there are wishes, you are bound to encounter monsters. Because desire is beautiful and terrifying. I’m okay with doing whatever internal negotiating is necessary.
The point is, I want this to be part of a bigger flow, not another thing that I think I have to do. An experimental practice that can take any shape it wants to.
Ways this might work:
This could get tucked into other rituals. Like evening yoga.
I could write one of these Very Personal Ads each evening before bed, playing with the form.
I’m playing with…
Paying attention.
Keeping my eyes open for possible clews.
Asking: Is this indicated? Huh. I think that question needs its own wish.
Finding the pieces that are already working.
Thing 2: Playing with how I want to experience Fridays.
Here’s what I want:
I have spent my entire summer thinking about time, and my relationship with it.
And the big thing right now is making transitions smoother. Fridays and Mondays. These are the days that are doors.
So I want to play with what would be part of an ideal Friday. What would already be set up to make Friday work for me? How could I set up a Friday that would give me what I need, and make sure that my weekend is clean, clear and empty for play.
Ways this might work:
Processing on the Floop, of course.
Talking about this with my playmate.
I’m playing with…
Reminding the monsters that I don’t need to figure out the how just yet. I’m only looking at what would feel good.
Thing 3: Is this indicated?
Here’s what I want:
Hmm. Okay. I don’t know if I have access to a lot more information than other people do. It could just be that I spend a lot more time getting really really quiet and listening.
But: I get a ton of information. All the time. Very specific.
Sometime it’s more general: Pay attention to the color red today. Or: Simplicity is extra-important here. Find out how you can make this more simple.
While other times it’s highly specific. Turn right. Now? Now.
And then slightly wiser me (who is calling herself Harmony, because she’s hilarious) is constantly whispering good advice. Showing me what’s good.
But I have a rebellious streak a mile wide so I fight her every step of the way, trying to assert what I think might be good over what I already know to be good (because yeah, she’s always right).
And sure, the rebelling is also part of what’s indicated, it’s also part of my own personal flow within a larger flow. But I would like to spend more time noticing that I’m getting a hit about something and less time arguing with it.
Ways this might work:
Ask. Listen. Let things change. They always do.
Oh, it’s like this now? ADAPT. FLOW.
And also: TRUST. SMILE.
Surrender surrender surrender.
I’m playing with…
The question.
Is this indicated? What about now?
Thing 4: An app for lists and reminders!
Here’s what I want:
Recommendations for an iPhone app that is good for making lists and/or reminders.
Other than the one that’s already on the phone. Something new.
I want to make a separate list for each day of the week that shows me elements of the day. These lists are not for checking off. They are for me to scan and be reminded of all the parts and pieces.
AND I want a way to have one quickie list of things I’m playing with today that I can tick off when they’re done.
Ways this might work:
I’m asking you guys. Something you like? Let me know.
Or maybe I’ll happen to hear about the just-right thing.
I’m playing with…
Gathering more information about what I want.
Thing 5: X Days of Entry.
Here’s what I want:
[silent retreat!]
Ways this might work:
I’m going to ask Harmony how this can be fun and playful.
I’m playing with…
Trust.
Thing 5: New structures for work.
Here’s what I want:
One of the things I noticed last week was that sneaking in an hour or two of work while my friend was visiting resulted in crazy-productive getting things done.
So. I am reconfiguring all the containers for working.
Ways this might work:
Listing the elements of what makes a container fun, hot, all charged up.
Giving myself ONE HOUR to get something done, and then having a plan for somewhere I need to be when it’s done. Even if that somewhere I need to be is taking a nap. But it’s scheduled. I need to be out of there when the hour is up.
I’m playing with…
Letting this be silly.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I wanted to be a mermaid who was also a dragon, and that worked. I still don’t have figurines of knights but I am taking my strengthening elixir more regularly, so that’s good.
And now I’m laughing because I forgot that I planted an ask about Logistics, which then ended up being the theme of the week. I am pleased to report that everything about that two day period I was worried about ended up falling into place perfectly and seamlessly , just like I asked.
Even better than what I asked for, actually. 🙂
I wanted SIMPLICITY and to solve for X, and that happened. In fact, lots of things were surprisingly simple.
And finally I wanted perfect simple solutions, and they showed up. Though it took me a while to recognize them because they didn’t look the way I thought they would, surprise! Glad about this.
Playful playing. Shelter for the comments.
What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like.
Here or on your own or in your head. It’s all fine. Or call silent retreat!
I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.
If you’re looking for suggestions or heart-sighs or anything else related to your wish, you will need to ask for that because our default mode is giving each other space and spaciousness for the process.
This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We make space for people’s wishes.
That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!
As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox