What's in the gallery?

We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.

We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**

* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.

** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.

What's in the gallery?

We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.

We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**

* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.

** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.

This announcement brought to you by brain scramble pffthlalalawaaah

by | Aug 11, 2011 |

So I had a bunch of stuff to put here for you guys today.

But then we did the most there-are-no-adequate-adjectives-for-this-level-of-insanity outrageously intense and impossibly impossible Shiva Nata practice at Rally yesterday.

And it erased my brain and replaced everything in it. With better stuff.

Possibly permanently?

Which would be fine actually, because everything in there right now is seriously wonderful.

I feel like this really happy and wise version of me, who finds everything to be funny (instead of annoying), and who is secretly releasing sparkly particles of peace, joy and silliness into the world. Very very quietly.

And I’m not even really into stuff like peace and joy. So it’s a little weird.

It’s like a hum.

A big Hello-I’m-in-love sort of hum.

Anyway.

All that to say: I have no idea what we were going to talk about today.

Also I’m not sure if anything I could say will make sense because epiphanies are stupid when you tell them to people.

How insane was this class? I will tell you.

Usually…

Usually when class is heading towards the end, I ask where people are on the Scale of Flail.™

(With zero being “What? I’m not lost and confused at all!” and 100 being helpless stuttering followed by falling on the floor in a heap.)

That’s to make sure they’re all at least in the high 80s.

This time we just all collapsed in neuron-melting puddles on the floor.

Not really trademarked. That was a joke, yes?

And usually…

Usually after flailing the flail, I walk us through some happy stretching and get everyone back into their force fields and ready for stone skipping. So we’re all still in a deep state of scramble but able to do some writing.

This time I warned everyone not to operate any heavy machinery.

Also! Usually…

Usually at the evening Chicken, a few people will mention the unbelievably amazing epiphanies they had all day, thanks to the rallying and the shivanauttery.

This time, people still talked about the flood of epiphanies, but they also described feeling like happy drunks all day.

“It was as if everything was pretty and sparkly, and I was smiling at buses!”

We wrote and colored and played and hid in blanket forts, just like always. But the joy levels were very high. And the insights were very astounding.

I can’t describe what we did but of course I’m going to try anyway.

It involved using words, numbers, multiplication and addition. And legs. Mixing horizontals and verticals. And flip-its.

With your body. All at the same time.

Like this.

Okay, if position #2 is a ship and #6 is ease, and six times two is twelve, we have twelve ships filled with ease. Which flip into 4 x 8 = 32? yes, thirty two rose possibilities. Twelve plus thirty two means we have forty four ship-easy rosy-possibilities! Mirror reflection!

Or this:

If 3 is water and 7 is fluffy, that makes 21 water-fluffers, which — if we flip it — gives us 5 possoms playing soccer, for a total of 26 water-fluffing possom-sockers!

One possom.
Sailing on two ships.
On three bodies of water.
While drinking Four Roses.
With a partridge. In a pear tree.

Exactly?

We were laughing so hard that our sides hurt.

We were doing math and poetry and left brain and right brain, all while moving both hands and both feet independently of each other. Fast.

I laughed until I cried.

And I cried until I couldn’t see anything anymore through sheets of tears.

I forgot how to operate the ipod I’ve been using for the past four years.

I remembered parts of forgotten things.

I merged with numbers and dissolved into a sea of words.

Do you see what I’m saying? Probably not. But ohmygod.

So yeah.

That’s why there’s no post today. Just me feeling unbelievably joyful and radiating like a small, happy sun. And yes, I get that this is an incredibly odd thing to say.

But I do have an announcement! Thanks in large part to the shivanautical chaos yesterday which resulted in me getting about two months of work done in one afternoon.

So here is the announcing.

Part 1.

The September Rally (Rally!) is completely sold out.

Part 2.

There will be a special and extra-long Rally in November, over Thanksgiving for people who want to escape Thanksgiving.

It will be like last year’s Great Ducking Out. But longer!

I’ll get you guys a link in the next couple days.

Part 3.

We have dates! For all of the 2012 Rallies.

That still sounds like The Future to me. But it’s coming, apparently, and the dates are official.

Here they are:

  • Jan 23-26
  • Feb 20-23
  • March 19-22
  • April 23-26
  • May 21-24
  • June 18-21
  • July 23-26
  • August 13-16
  • Sept 10-13
  • Oct 15-18
  • Nov 19-23 (the 3rd year of The Great Ducking Out)

Part 4 — the especially important part!

If you’re thinking about coming to a Rally (Rally!) next year, you might want to sign up and save a place at one of these now.

Because as we get the ship ready for the coming year, part of that will mean the necessary raising of Rally prices. And we’ll also be moving to an application system.

So this is a good time to pay the old price and skip the application. Whee! Yes.

I can’t promise that we won’t do insane shivanauttery because we might (though maybe not THAT insane), but I can say that whatever happens will be important, useful, wonderful and will live in you forever.

Okay! Yes!

I have to go because everything inside is being rewritten and I have so much to write down and some safe rooms to play in, and then I’m going to dance it up but it won’t be dancing at all.

Comment blanket-fort zen for today:

Not sure. I think I would like some Hiro-sighs.

Whenever you tell her something special or meaningful to you, Hiro puts her hand on her heart and does this super-cute sweet little mmmm-ing Hiro-sigh.

I would like some Hiro-sighs for my current state of bliss-confusion (blissfusion?) and for having planned a year of Rally, and for its rally goodness.

And thank you a million times for the helpful input you’ve been giving me on words, I have been reading everything and boggling over how clever and sweet you all are. Kisses.

Postscripting to say that the official sign-up for Rally (Rally!) page doesn’t have the new dates yet but they exist. If you sign up, just leave a note in the check-out bit for the First Mate about which month you want.

Woman in search of a verb.

by | Aug 10, 2011 |

So this week is Rally (Rally!), and it’s Rally #12, and it is already the most ludicrously magical, silly and wondrous thing.

Have you ever loved something so much it makes you want to cry from happiness that it exists? That’s how I feel about Rally.

Anyway, you may have noticed how I tend to say “this week is Rally”, and not “this week I’m _________-ing Rally.”

That’s because I don’t have a verb that adequately describes my relationship to Rally.

Verbs currently applying for this position.

Except that I am not especially enamored with any of them.

Sigh.

Running.

I don’t want to say that I run the Rally. I don’t run it. I just create the culture.

Also, when I look at my personal definition of “running”, the associations I come up with are not that fun. Personal definition = this is my stuff — yours might be completely different.

For me, running =

[+exhausting] [+boring] [+stressful] [+manager] [+supervising] [+out of breath!] [+in charge of everything].

It’s being the shepherd when that’s not my role. When my role requires that I steadily, intentionally and regularly choose the option of not-shepherding.

Facilitating.

Boooooring. So boring.

Giant-robot-doing-awkward-robotic-robot-dance:

“Hell-lo. I. Am. A. Fa-Seeee-Li-Tay-Torrrrrr.”

I’m in pigtails, tights, a t-shirt with the goddess Kali wielding a machine gun, there are sparkly googly things on my head and I’m holding a duck, and the duck is wearing a beaded necklace.

Clearly I can’t be a facilitator because that — in my head at least — kind of sounds like something which might require even temporarily passing as a grown-up.

Teaching.

I actually love teaching. It’s something I feel super comfortable with because I’ve been doing it for as long as I can remember.

But Rally doesn’t get taught.

It gets transmitted and absorbed and received, but I’m not the one giving Rally or instructing people in Rally or leading Rally.

You could say that I am the holder of the Rally.

But even holding is not the right verb because the Playground (our retreat center) holds the Rally. And the culture holds itself.

I am the creator of that culture, and the person who makes sure that Rally culture is present, palpable, alive.

So I get to introduce people to the world of Rallying and everything it contains. I show them around. But Rally happens within that. I don’t make it happen.

If I metaphor it out loud for a bit…

What I’m definitely not:

Let’s see. Not a kindergarten teacher or a camp counselor.

Not a pop star. Not a guru.

Not the person who fixes things or kisses boo-boos and makes it all better.

Rally fixes things. Rally kisses boo-boos and makes it all better. The things people learn, perceive and experience while rallying turn them into the people who can meet and resolve their own challenges.

And not just resolve them, but do that in creative, playful, inspired, surprising and sometimes just brilliantly hilarious ways.

Not just by the end of Rally either. But already on the first day of projectizing.

So it might be more like this?

Like being a docent. Or a tour guide.

Or a knowledgeable, fun scholar who happens to be a friend of a friend and shows up to demonstrate how everything works and tell you about its history and origins.

If Rally were a giant secret Treasure Hunt taking place in a kooky old castle or an enchanted forest, I would be the one in the silly hat who reads the scroll of protocol and describes the traditions before we all get started.

If Rally were a gathering of friends playing a card game or a board game, I’d be a regular player but the one who runs the bank or deals the cards.

And the players would meet up in my bar. Where I set the lighting and choose the music and put out the snacks.

Let’s talk to metaphor mouse again.

If I bring in Metaphor Mouse, what are the elements of the thing that I do want?

What I want =

[+grace] [+support] [+ease] [+flow] [+sovereignty] [+freedom] [+amnesty] [+caring] [+permission] [+force fields] [+delight] [+play] [+it holds itself] [+ringing the bell] [+welcoming] [+belonging].

So I get to be the one who welcomes people into this crazy, beautiful world and shows them around, and makes sure that this world is infused with safety, comfort, love and possibility.

I am the sounder of Rally. The bell-ringer of Rally. The one whose job it is to invite Rally in and provide it the kind of setting where it can be its most sparkly and astonishing self.

So why do I need a verb?

Not having a word for my relationship to Rally wouldn’t really matter (I’m already the pirate queen, right?), except that part of my unlikely project for this particular Rally includes working on the Anthology for running Rally making Rally happen.

It’s a systems thing. Translation! Anthology = binder.

So I have this binder and it’s the Anthology of ________-ing Rally.

A Verb! A Verb! My kingdom for a verb!

Not really. But it would be nice to have one.

The Anthology of Calling Rally. Of Invoking Rally. Of Calling Rally Into Form. Of Welcoming Rally. Of Inviting Rally In. Of Translating Rally.

I don’t know.

The word education is such a lovely word.

A friend reminded me of this when I first started doing Rallies, and I was trying to figure out my role of teacher-not-teacher.

Education: generally agreed to come from the Latin root ‘educo’, which means to draw out or lead out. More root word stuff: ‘educare’ = ‘to rear or bring up’, while ‘educere’ comes from ‘ducere’: to ‘draw out from within’ or ‘bring forth’.

So education is the process of uncovering from within. Of drawing out all the amazing things that are already there.

It isn’t so much about giving people a thing as it is helping them realize they already have the thing.

But doing that in a variety of subtle and playful ways. Without necessarily saying it out loud. So that everyone who encounters what you have to teach gets to experience their own knowing. And take it with them.

For me, being an educator means providing the best possible environment for that process to happen. The safest place to play.

Play with me! And comment zen for the blanket fort.

So yeah. I still don’t have a verb.

Though I think I’m going to try calling my binder the Anthology of Inviting Rally to Play. For now.

If you want to throw out some verbs in the comments (into the pot!) or make up your own words, that’s awesome.

If you want to talk about these bigger themes (this alternative and sovereign kind of leadership, metaphorizing, creating culture, making space for discovery) or anything else tangentially related, that works too!

I would love some enthusiastic waving of flags and popsicle sticks for the beautiful thing that is Rally. And some juice.

We all take responsibility for our stuff. We don’t tell each other how to think, be or feel, because that’s how we make this a safe place to play too.

Love to all the commenter mice, the Beloved Lurkers and everyone who reads!

I need some input!

by | Aug 9, 2011 |

I need your help today, please!

Double especially if you’ve either been to a Rally (Rally!) or are thinking/gwishing about maybe eventually possibly-someday rallying with us.

I am trying to put together a collection of posts I’ve written that could be especially useful for people in the above two categories.

Useful?

Useful because they explain important things about our conscious, playful, inquisitive, sneaky, wonder-and-delight-filled approach to projectizing.

(As opposed to the prescriptive, punishing/self-punishing, ass-kicking, do-it-now, ass-in-chair ways preferred by the bigger culture).

Or useful because they transmit something how the culture of Rally works.

Or maybe they just feel useful without you having to know why.

Here’s what I’ve got so far…

The magical and unlikely thing that is Playground culture!

Projectizing and how to approach it!

Destuckification and biggification and how to approach them.

Being on Rally.

You can probably see why I need your help!

For one thing, this list is crazy-long.

I don’t know if I want to give people a giant load of recommended reading. That’s a little intense.

Maybe I need to narrow this down.

Maybe I need to divide these into “ohmygod read this” and “you might find this helpful” and other categories that I haven’t thought of yet. Thoughts?

But then I’m also probably missing a bunch of things.

What’s missing?

Anything you’d put in here that I didn’t?

Because I really just did a quick meandering through the insane archives of insanity to come up with these.

But maybe-probably there’s something that you would absolutely recommend to someone that I’ve completely forgotten having written.

Are there a top three?

For example, if I knew people were only going to read three posts to prepare for a Rally or to get into rallying mindset, I’d go with fractal flowers, following the rabbit holes and being the fox in the video game.

What would yours be?

Thank you!

Thinking through systems stuff is hard (for me).

What I would love:
Support, appreciation, ideas, enthusiasm.

What I would not love (not that you would do this):
To be lectured about why I’m going about this the wrong way.

That is all. I really appreciate your thoughts on this.

xox

Hello, August

by | Aug 8, 2011 |

I know we’re already a week in, but it I’m finally feeling like I’m getting to know August a little.

Plus it was so great saying Hello to July that I wanted to try it again, in a different form this time.

Here’s what I like about August so far: I kind of have a tan. Jon, stop laughing.

You know, not so much tan as a light beige. But still. Exciting. For me.

Anyway, August! Let’s talk. I’m going to write you a letter.

Dear August!

Hello. It’s me. I’m happy we are doing this together.

And I am reminding myself that just because you are called August does not mean that you will be anything like Augusts past — yes, now is not then.

In fact, last year I can’t recall that we talked much.

Anyway, I can still use what I know from past experience about August-like things — heat! raspberries! staying hydrated!, but I am not going to let you be defined by memory of other times that shared your name.

You will be you, and I am here to find out what you are like.

What shall I call you?

To create some distance from those remembered-Augusts and because naming things has a certain power, I am naming the moon again.

Temporarily naming this moon the Moon of the Groove. Because that kind of sums up my mood.

This is what I will call you until you tell me otherwise.

And you can call me by a secret name and I won’t tell anyone at all.

How I would like to describe you.

This is what I would like to say about August and your august-ness while you are happening:

I am full of energy. There is so much creative flow happening for me. And I am also resting up and taking things easy.

This August is full of metaphorical Island Time, and I am learning so much about what it is like to not be hurried. I have everything I need.

How I would like to remember you.

And this is what I would like to say about August and your august-ness when you are past:

This August was full of delightful surprises. I was in my strengths. I was able to be curious, playful and adventurous in both internal and external situations and processes.

Time felt remarkably spacious, and I remembered to stop and breathe. Sing ho for August!

What I am looking forward to when I think about being with you.

Let’s see. So many good things on the calendar…

Leading the August Rally (Rally!), of course, which begins this evening. Rally #12!

It also marks a year since the very first Rally ever, hard to believe.

And teaching the sold-out! Shiva Nata August series.

Releasing the Shiva Nata iPhone app. YAY!

Lots of great Roller Derby. The first official bout for our men’s derby. The August Takedown in which Rose City’s Wheels of Justice are skating against Boston. Fun.

Sorry in advance, Boston. But the Northwest Passage (east coast teams coming out for three consecutive ass-kickings from Rose City, Rat and the Oly Rollers) will make you stronger. Totally worth it.

And I would really like to have a holiday. Maybe in Astoria or Bend? Or visit my uncle Svevo?

What I’m feeling a little anxious about or unprepared for.

This seems like a lot of busy.

I want to know that I will still have time for my own process. Integration and consolidation time.

Let’s see. I might need to have a conversation with slightly future me, and do some negotiating with the Persnickety Time Gremlins who are yelling NO TIME NO TIME.

And of course another round of why now is not like then.

What I would like to give you, August.

My full presence, unconditionally.

My love and attention. Appreciation. Welcoming.

The willingness to be wrong. And an approach that is playful and inquisitive.

And what I would like to receive from you.

The same, of course.

And also:

Spaciousness, comfort, a sense of belonging in this sequence of time.

Let’s be silly. Get a little crazy on the pirate ship.

And let’s throw some things into the pot.

I throw all of this into the pot.

Play with me? And comment zen for today.

You are welcome to write your own Hello, August. Maybe with elements of what I did here or more like a Hello, Day or what we did in July.

Or drop off some gwishes.

Or invent your own month-welcoming (or month-naming) ritual.

We all have our stuff. We’re all working on our stuff. We take responsibility for our stuff. Because without sovereignty and spaciousness, this whole thing falls apart.

And we make this a safe space by not telling each other what to do, how to be or how to feel. We make room for each other.

That is all. Much love and happy August-ing.

Very Personal Ads #109: there will be tea

by | Aug 7, 2011 |

very personal adsPersonal ads. They’re … personal! Very.

Each week I write these VPAs to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.

I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!

Thing 1: my new morning thing

Here’s what I want:

The other day I had this massive understanding — a shivanautical Moment of Bing, in fact — about the whole “morning begins at night” thing.

And now I can’t find a link to where I’ve written about morning beginning at night. Is it in the Dissolve-o-Matic maybe? Does anyone remember this?

So I’ll probably have to write about it. Remind me.

But anyway. it was a clear vision of this morning ritual/something, which I prepare the night before. That way it’s both an exit practice for the day that is ending and an entry for the day I’m about to begin.

I love this! And I want to actually use it.

Ways this could work:

Not sure yet.

Maybe I’ll play with this at Rally (Rally!) which starts tomorrow night (!) and use the ridiculous assemblage of arts and crafts.

Maybe I can throw together a beta version based on my dazed post-epiphany notes and scribbles.

It might also help to talk with slightly future me about how this new morning thing has helped her, and what she thinks I should know about it.

My commitment.

To be receptive to many different ways that this could work.

To invoke the spirit of play. Play!

And to mess about gleefully, instead of trying to “get it right”, despite knowing that such a thing does not in fact exist.

To have a tea date with the monsters. And possibly not show up. But to invite as many negotiators as are needed.

Thing 2: obscenely ridiculous platform shoes

Here’s what I want:

So the stage at the Playground is not as high as I would like it to be.

Especially when we have twenty five people who all need to mirror me during Shiva Nata. And even though it’s Tall People To The Back, of course everyone wants to be in the back.

Which makes it hard to see properly.

What I really want is a higher stage. But in the meantime, I want some crazy high shoes.

Like RuPaul shoes.

And yes, I normally teach barefoot, but come on.

Ways this could work:

Suggestions and favorite shoes? Leave them here.

I could poke around downtown.

In the meantime, I am just throwing it in the pot.

My commitment.

To be silly and have fun with this.

And, of course, to not do anything high-impact when I’m wearing them. 🙂

And more monster tea dates, of course. Because Yoga Teacher Me is not liking this idea at all and is throwing shoes. They’re just little cotton slippers but I want to make sure that she’s okay.

Monster Tea Dates. Just one guy?

Thing 3: Setting the dates for next year’s Rallies!

Here’s what I want:

To decide on all the dates for our Rallies (Rally!) for the upcoming year.

Except that each time I start to do this, I freak just a leeeetle bit out over the fact that it’s already practically 2012 which is totally the future, and then I have a little aging crisis.

That’s entertaining!

So let’s not do that this time.

But I really do need those dates.

Ways this could work:

I’m thinking I can OOD it.

Ideally at the Rally.

In some sort of creative and amusing way. And again, monster tea dates, etc.

My commitment.

To have fun with this if I can.

To be patient with myself if I can’t.

To explore and find out what’s hiding in there. But without poking!

Thing 4: using/implementing/reviewing new system

Here’s what I want:

This past week I spent six hours revamping my systems for the Rally Orientation and some of the other parts of Rally.

This still needs work. But I won’t have time to play with it for a while.

And on Monday night I get a chance to see where I’m at with this.

So I want to observe and take notes, while not reserving judgment because this whole thing is still such a work in progress.

Ways this could work:

I can use the green pen to take meta notes in my Rallying notebook.

And I can do a spangly Revue at the end.

My commitment.

To appreciate me-from-last-week for getting this together in time for Rally #12.

To do what I can to help me-from-next-month who will be doing Rally #13.

To do this with popsicle permission slips and amnesty and ease — it’s a process and this is where I’m at with it.

Thing 5: excitement for Laura and for Maryann!

Here’s what I want:

Two of my people are quietly doing especially neat things right now.

Laura announced her Secret Boutique and it is gorgeous and amazing.

Maryann is doing a Day of Secret Playdating, which is going to be fantastic. She will also be at the September Rally if you want to meet her in person.

I would love to see lots of positive attention and excitement for these two beautiful projects.

Ways this could work:

I can tell you about them. You can visit and spread the word.

My commitment.

Excitement. Happiness. Rejoicing. Delight. Firgun. Another thing I need to write about, apparently!

Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.

Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.

I wanted stuff to happen with Island Time, and boy did it ever! Island Time has been one of the most incredible experiments I’ve ever done.

Then I wanted to spread the word about Colleen’s thing and that’s happening too! Right on.

I also had Oodles of OODs! And I still do. But progresses were made, and I’m feeling good about this even though there’s still a ton of work to do.

The next thing was about putting together a collection of Rally-relevant blog posts. Which I did. But it was so absurdly long that now I’m feeling conflicted about what happens next.

And I wanted people to come with me on the walk in Overlook Park, and I ended up going with Casey. So yay. Thank you, VPAs. And thank you, commenter mice and Beloved Lurkers!

Comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.

Things that are welcome! Your own personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like.

Leave your gwishes! Throw things in the pot!

Things we try to keep away from: the word “manifest”, telling people how they should be asking for things, unsolicited advice.

VPA amnesty applies, of course. Leave yours any time between now and next Sunday (or whenever, really) — it’s all fine by us!

xox

The Fluent Self