What's in the gallery?

We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.

We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**

* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.

** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.

What's in the gallery?

We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.

We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**

* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.

** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.

Friday Chicken #151: Hat Parade! Is it just one guy?

Friday chickenIn which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of ritual and self-reflection.

And you get to join in if you feel like it.

Yet again I protest! How could it possibly be Friday?

But here we are.

Let’s find out what actually happened this week.

The hard stuff

Re-entry, again.

Rally (Rally!) was so incredible.

And coming back is hard.

Still want that vacation. Any time now….

Heading towards emergency vacation territory. It really needs to happen.

I have a getaway planned for Monday but it’s one night and that isn’t enough.

Something needs to happen before I hit the point of not being able to make decisions about how to take care of myself.

Tired and sore!

Creak creak creak ow.

Poor sore mouse me!

Colossal screw-up on my part.

Forgot that the company phone forwards to my cell because I never answer my cell.

Was having a dream about someone in Israel needing to reach me. The volume on my phone wasn’t off (it usually is), so I heard it ring.

It was crazy early in the morning. So I answered. And gave someone the worst customer service ever because I was bewildered, awakened and had no idea what they wanted.

Systems change!

I am a crankypants!

And everything is getting on my nerves.

The good stuff

Roller derby league championships.

I did the shivanautical force field warm-ups for the team we sponsor (Yeah!!! Guns N Rollers!) and they looked amazing.

Also: I was in full pink wig regalia and there are pictures (see Photo #6). It was, as Paul said, super cool destructoid!

Sadly Selma wasn’t there. She is not so much into the noise and is also kind of paranoid about being recognized. Yes.

Beautiful things from Heidi.

The marvelous Heidi sent me her Presence potion (to die for!).

And some new Playground potions for the Toy Shop.

And a beautiful book.

I love Heidi! I love the Presence potion! Love love love!

Wise reminders.

Brilliant Kitchen Table call with Joy from Adventures of Joy, talking about so many vital and important things.

She is wise and wonderful.

And now, inspired by that amazing call, I’ve been taking mini-silent-retreats all week. And yelling Silent Retreat!

Silliness in the Chattery.

We were playing and goofing off in the Chattery after the Kitchen Table call, and ended up forming a group called RATS (Retreating Alone Together Silently).

And also re-acronymizing ROI (“return on investment”) to be more fun.

I started by suggesting Retreating On Instinct. And then we came up with some more:

Reframing Oodles of Intentions!
Refreshing Oceans of Icecream!
Reclaiming Our Independence!
Riddles of Inspiration!
Relishing Our Idiosyncrasies
Raving Over Intuition
Revising Our Iguanas
Radiating Our Intelligence
Raunchy Orgy of Indiscretion

Anyway, all of these are probably just one guy. But it was so much fun. Yay, Chattery!

More woe poems = everything is better now.

Writing out the crappiness of a day in poem form at the Whine Bar in my Kitchen Table program.

It is astonishing how quickly this turns pain into craft and takes out the sting. And since we aren’t actually a group of writers or poets, it also removes the “what if my writing is terrible?!” fear because writing well or doing something meaningful isn’t actually the point.

Monday night.

I got eleven hours of sleep.

Eleven. Hours. Of sleep.

In a row.

It was outrageous. It was great. I am so happy about this.

Big shivanautical understandings and epiphanies.

Related to old hurts.

And understanding more about when I need to step back and water less.

And a big realization that something I thought I discovered last month is actually something I have known for over ten years. Thanks, Shiva Nata!

Finally. Something to do with all those spam names.

This lovely post from Crys called what a bunch of characters is such a perfect example of that thing that I call counterparts.

Story!

This tiny and wonderful crayon pirate story. So great.

Thanks to Mary Elaine for telling me about it.

Rally!

Maryann wrote this beautiful piece about her experience at Rally!

And I love it. I love it so much. Read it!

Hat parade! Tomorrow!

Tomorrow is Hat Parade!

If you live in Portland, you should come. I will be there.

And … playing live at the meme beach house it’s the Fake Band of the Week!

My brother and I have this thing where we come up with ridiculous band names and then say in this really pretentious, knowing tone, “Oh, well, you know, it’s just one guy.”

This week’s band courtesy of these distressingly-named food-like things:

Umlaut Abuse

And yes, it’s really just one guy.

That’s it for me …

And of course you can join in my Friday ritual right here in the comments if you feel like it.

Yes? Anything hard and/or good happen in your week?

And, as always, have a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come. Shabbat shalom.

p.s. It’s okay if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — you can join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.

A story about Shuki.

Do you know Shuki?

Shuki is a plant.

Not the kind that spies on you. The kind that grows.

Shuki is not just any plant.

He’s a special kind of plant.

Special because of what he is (a money tree!) and because of where he lives (at the Playground!).

Did you know?

There is something else unusual about Shuki.

Other than the fact that he brings me luck. And the way he secretly cheers people up. And how he’s always in a pretty good mood but doesn’t shove it in your face or anything.

Shuki does not like to be watered.

I mean, he’s a plant. So you have to give him water sometimes.

But he’s happiest when he’s dry. A teeny bit of water goes a long way with Shuki.

And when you leave him alone and don’t give him too much nourishment, he thrives.

It took me a long time to learn this.

And even now sometimes I forget. Or almost forget. Or catch myself on the verge of forgetting.

Not everything wants to be cared for all the time.

Not everything wants to be aggressively fed, nurtured, worried over and tended to.

Some things thrive with very little attention. The less I poke at them, the better.

It’s outrageously counter-intuitive.

Yesterday I made Shuki a special sign. On a popsicle stick.

Because all the best signs come on popsicle sticks.

This is what it says:

Hi! My name is Shuki. I do not need to be given water — even if I look thirsty. My secret: I thrive from less.

Shuki seems to like his sign.

What are we talking about?

Shuki really truly is a plant. I didn’t make him up.

He’s not a blog-post-metaphor for approaching prosperity. Though he totally could be. Not a creation of metaphor mouse.

He is a real, live, ridiculously happy plant who is loved by the Playground.

He is also — for me — a reminder to look at how I feed things in my life.

What parts of me and my experience are genuinely longing for more attention, love, permission, care-taking?

And what parts of me and my experience could use some silent retreating, some separating, sovereignty, permission and spaciousness?

Where do I need to step back and water less?

And then I make some more popsicle stick signs.

I’m thinking about the various reminders that I’d like to (ha!) plant in my life and at the Playground.

All the ways I can remind myself and the sweet people around me that we can all gleefully take some time off from care-taking.

We can still be loving, thoughtful, kind, all of that. We can just water less sometimes.

Or if that’s too uncomfortable (Stop watering?! Are you crazy?!), maybe the practice is just being curious about which things want loving care and which things would prefer some alone time.

Internal investigations. Revue! And popsicle sticks. That’s what I’m working on right now.

Play if you’d like! And comment zen for today.

You might come up with things/people/projects in your life that might also benefit from less watering.

You might come up with experiments and hypotheses related to the above.

You might feel like writing a little poem, story or song for Shuki (he loves things that rhyme, or anything dr-seussian!) and then I can read it to him while I’m not watering him.

Or whatever you want. I don’t know. But I would love some company on this.

We all have our stuff. Working on and interacting with our stuff can be tricky, because different things set us off and because people vary. So we tread gently and make room for a variety of experiences. We don’t tell each other what to do (unless people specifically ask), and we explore in safe spaces.

Waving a popsicle stick fondly in your direction…

Kisses to Keren.

Thoughts and notes about thoughts and notes.

So I spent all last week at Rally (Rally!) and it was Rally #10, and it was marvelous.

And I thought it would be fun okay maybe not fun but useful? interesting? to take a bunch of notes about how it went and then share them with you.

In the spirit of the spangly Revue review.

Wait!

Except that as soon as I started, my fuzzball monsters went into Extreme Disapproval Mode because a) what if I bore people to death and b) all my good notes are at the Playground so I might forget all the important parts and then what’s the point!?!!?

So here’s the plan.

I’m writing up some thoughts to put here. And the monsters and I can have a little chat in the margins while I do this, just like we would at Rally. And maybe I’ll share some of that with you later, if they’re up for it.

In the meantime, REVUE! Let’s do it. In no particular order.

New traditions that showed up at this Rally.

Puffball fights in the hammock!

I’m not even sure what this means.

But there were puffballs. Neon puffballs. And a hammock. And somehow this turned into a thing.

I don’t know where this is going. Mud wrestling? Bubble wars? It’s hard to say.

Also the best part of this was that Chuck was at Rally! And she was the one who had sent us the hammock for the Refueling Station! Which she had never used! Awesome.

And a continuation of fairly recent traditions.

Extreme Fairy Door Play.

Like with all good traditions and customs, the Moving of the Fairy Door has gradually become more and more baroque.

It used to be that if you saw the fairy door, you’d put it somewhere else.

But now we’ve upped the ante and have been outdoing each other by placing it in the most hilarious, unusual and creative places.

Much of my time this Rally was spent cracking up every time I discovered the fairy door in another unlikely-to-ridiculous location. Or not being able to find it at all and having to go search for it. Fun!

The addition of evening Shiva Nata.

We started this at the last Rally. Not an official class. Just ten minutes of extra Shiva Nata.

And splitting things up so the morning class is more mind-bendy and the later one is just silly crazed flailing to music.

People can join in or just watch or do a little of both. As you wish.

I’ve been doing this after the old Turkish lady yoga and before the Chickening. And it’s absolutely amazing. Energizing and silly and really, really powerful, all at the same time.

Extra bonus superpowers.

During the chicken we do a thing called Schmurphling, during which we get to choose superpowers that we want (unless we decide to go all silent retreat, which is always an option).

And at the last Rally, people wanted extra bonus superpowers. And why not?

So this time I just included that in the schmurphling and we did extra bonus superpowers for anyone who wanted some. Love it. This is a keeper.

Some interesting things about Rally #10.

Lunch being more casual.

Fewer group lunches and more of people doing their own thing or going off in twos and threes.

More sharing of the Refueling Station.

At past rallies, sometimes you’d see someone napping and someone else on the bean bag chair blowing bubbles, but this time there was hanging out in the refueling station. That was new.

Skewing a bit older?

We usually get a pretty broad mix of ages. Anywhere from 25-65 is pretty normal, though we’ve had both younger and older as well.

This wasn’t a large rally so I don’t know if this is a thing or not, but half of our rallions were over fifty. And they all seemed to have more energy than me! Huh.

Some things we changed for this Rally.

Let’s see.

I did a lot of systems documentation.

We added new bulletin boards in the Galley, specifically for people to put up business cards. If you’ve been to a previous Rally or a Shiva Nata training and you want me to put up your card, just mail it to us!

And we took some video of me teaching Shiva Nata on the first day (just me, not the students), though I don’t know if I’m going to use it for anything.

Thoughts and ideas for future Rallies.

1. Something to do with qualities.

I pretty much constantly find myself invoking qualities of Rally and the Playground.

Things like:

Play. Creativity. Support. Spaciousness. Sovereignty. Flexibility. Agility. Adaptability. Harmony. Curiosity. Delight. Wonder. Reflection. Safety. Trust. Flow. Experimentation. Inclusivity. Light-heartedness. Love. Courage. Focus. Inspiration. Possibility.

So many! I think I might put them up on the wall of the Refueling Station on little cards.

2. Filling in the PLUM. Especially the foods section.

The Playground User Manual (aka the PLUM) is still my favorite thing ever.

I love walking into the Playground and seeing someone sprawled on the floor, poring over it. And then using stuff from it later, and having magical results.

There are still some sections that need a lot of work, and I think it’s time for the Section of Yum to get some love.

Especially with more people doing lunch on their own. Maybe I’ll write up some favorite places. Or ask other people to make pages for theirs.

Or make a short list of all the gluten-free stuff on the street. Stuff like that.

Stray observations.

We totally need a Talking Room. When we get a building, I’m going to make sure there’s a way to do that.

In the meantime, I think we’re going to have to make more use of the storage room closet in the hall for that.

What I worked on

My personal focus/theme/project/mission for this Rally ended up being called Revue and Revenue.

And it was all about learning about and tracking the connections. Asking slightly future me what happens in my business when I spend more time on Entry and Exit. More time documenting what happens as I work.

It was very interesting.

It turns out there are more connections than I’d thought, and that this process of Revue-ing and Reviewing is a really big deal not just for my business but for me, personally and for everything I do.

And that sharing the notes is important too.

Favorite part?

Oh so hard to decide!

The Wednesday evening wine and cheesening was absolutely lovely.

The fits of giggles were many.

The Adoration of the Butt-monsters was intense and hilarious.

And I always love that moment at the very end of Rally when the space is totally trashed, and everyone is exhausted, happy and blowing kisses towards the Playground as they make their goodbyes.

Play with me! And comment zen for today.

If you would like to do a Revue for something and you want a place to put it, go for it.

And if you have been to a Rally and want to share favorite memories, that’s welcome too.

And if you have interest in processing a thing which has happened or favorite rituals or things you want to try, that sounds good too.

As always, we remember that this is a process, and a process is really a tiny, sweet thing, so we tread gently.

We recognize our stuff, we let other people have their stuff, we take responsibility for our experience and we don’t tell each other what to do.

Love to the rallygators (past and future!), to the commenter mice, the Beloved Lurkers and everyone who reads.

Very Personal Ads #102: tutu tutu tutu two too

very personal adsPersonal ads. They’re … personal! Very.

Each week I write these VPAs to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.

I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!

This week of rallying it up at Rally (Rally!) has completely thrown me off. I am astonished that it’s Sunday again already.

Thing 1: more action at the Frolicsome Bar.

Here’s what I want:

The Frolicsome Bar (FB) is what I call our facebook page for The Fluent Self.

It is so much more fun than I thought it would be. Ah, memories of past VPAs where I asked to get over all the internal crap that was getting in the way of setting it up to begin with…

We have 918 people there (neat!) and some lovely things happen there.

But I’d like to use it more, and have other people use it more, and have more people there. How about 82 for now to bring it to an even thousand while I figure this thing out?

Ways this could work:

Not sure.

I can do some interviewing of myself (or Slightly Future Me) to brainstorm things that might be useful or interesting to post there.

We can just experiment.

Maybe I’ll ask the people at my Kitchen Table program who are wise and creative in many ways.

My commitment.

To pay attention to what comes up when I think about this.

To not force anything. To mess around with this in a way that is curious and playful.

Thing 2: bus pass!

Here’s what I want:

I’ve been totally putting this off and I’m not sure why.

Maybe one of those things where I’m building it up to be way more complicated than it is. Or thinking that it will force me into making decisions about my plans that I don’t want to make.

Also, I kind of loathe the bus.

But it needs to happen.

Ways this could work:

Giving my internal patterns detective the job.

Doing Shiva Nata on it to find out where the stuck is and what needs to happen.

Giving myself permission to put this up here even though all my monsters are thoroughly disapproving — Are you crazy? Do you really want people to know that you can’t even get a bus pass without running into all your crap?!

I am going to make a safe room for them and another one for the part of me who is in resistance. And we will get information that will help us take the next step, whatever it is.

My commitment.

To not push.

To not apologize.

It might turn out that there’s a really good reason for this. And maybe I don’t even have to know what it is.

I’m going to acknowledge pain and stuck when I encounter it, and then sneak around the edges.

Thing 3: receptivity

Here’s what I want:

Receiving things. Not something I’m very good at.

Especially when it comes to help, support, compliments, appreciation.

I’d like some insights on this and how it could begin to change.

Ways this could work:

I don’t know.

Planting the seed here and hoping to fractal flower the hell out of it this week.

My commitment.

As someone I adore says, “patience is a virtue but being patient kind of blows.”

I’m going to have to be patient with this one but I’m hating that right now, so instead my focus is going to be on noticing. I will notice things and track them and write down what I find.

Thing 4: planning a pirate queen holiday

Here’s what I want:

Oh oh oh oh oh I want a vacation so bad I can taste it.

And now it needs to happen before it becomes Emergency Vacation time.

Nervous laughter.

Ways this could work:

I’m determined to find out!

Maybe I will run away to visit Svevo in the woods.

Maybe I will just go dark for a while.

My commitment.

To combine this work with the receptivity thing and see what comes up.

To interview the me who has done this.

To interview the me who is dead set against this.

To make peace between these various parts of me so that we can all get on board with the mission. Whoooo!

And, of course, more Shiva Nata for insights, realizations and to see what the patterns look like.

Thing 5: we have two more spots for the July Rally!

Here’s what I want:

To find the two people who will be joining us for the amazing thing that is the July Rally. Rally!

Ways this could work:

I will try to remember to tell you guys Rally stories about how incredible the last one was.

My commitment.

To love and love and love some more.

Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.

Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.

I wanted bright fingerless gloves in a primary color for teaching Shiva Nata. And Liz, who was at Rally #9, offered to make me some. Thank you!

The second want was about teaching Shiva Nata at Derby Daze, and I completely spaced out on this. So I’m going to re-ask and think about this a little differently.

I wanted help spreading the word about my Shiva Nata snack preview sneak picnic freebie call, and there are one hundred and fifty people signed up. So thank you for helping me spread the word, and please keep helping!

And I wanted appreciation and a new pattern related to it. Still working on that one.

But you know what was neat? I do coordination and agility training (cough, Shiva Nata!) for the roller derby girls, and they are so very appreciative of what I do with them. So maybe I just need to look to other sources to find out what’s going on with this pattern. We’ll see!

Comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.

Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for. Or updates on last time!

Stuff I’d rather not have:

The word “manifest”. To be told how I should be asking for things. To be judged, psychoanalyzed or given unsolicited advice.

Much love for your gwishes! So happy to have you doing this with me.

Friday Chicken #150: miles per hour

Friday chickenIn which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of ritual and self-reflection.

And you get to join in if you feel like it.

Happy one hundred and fiftieth chicken to meeeee!

Alright. It’s Friday. Let’s do this.

The hard stuff

Tired! Achy! Ow.

This week I taught Shiva Nata twice a day, did Old Turkish lady yoga every day at Rally, and still made it to dance class every day. Sometimes getting up at extreme dark thirty a.m. to do so.

All while running Rally, projectizing my projects and checking in on the business.

I want a holiday please! Please!

Yes, I have no idea who I’m supposedly asking since the person to ask is me.

So many things to do..

Projects giving birth to baby projects.

New systems needed to accommodate new growth.

The usual thing about change being overwhelming, etc etc.

People wanting things of me that I cannot give.

And one day I won’t worry about that as much as I do now.

All the stuff that doesn’t get done while something else is getting done.

Sometimes I forget about the fractal flowers and get myself into a tizzy until I remember.

Vancouver.

I love that city. So painful to watch.

The good stuff

Ohmygod Rally!

This may well have been the most fun Rally (Rally!) ever.

There were bunny-shaped cheese crackers in the motorcycle wine glasses. There were wigs and silly hats and furry legwarmers. There was bubble-blowing, stuffed-monster-fondling, hammock-napping, snacking and magic wishes.

It was pretty damn great.

Plus I got a huge amount of work done (though not on the project I thought was my project because something came up but it totally worked out perfectly).

Yay for Rally #10! Yay!

Insights.

Big ones. Big shivanautical ones.

Still processing but wow.

And new systems to match. This is the kind of thing I’m going to be thanking myself for in five years. I can feel it.

Moved up a level.

This is another one of those shivanautical results that is hard to put into words.

I went to my dance class this morning and everything made sense in a way it hadn’t before. I could move differently. I understood the choreographies differently. I had superpowers.

And that’s from breaking my brain with the insane flailing this week (we did some hilariously hard brain-algorithm-twistiness at Rally and I can really feel it).

It’s like I’m doing everything I was before but I’m two levels higher in the video game. Can’t explain it better than that but be happy with me.

Breakfast with Colleen. Yay.

The brilliant Communicatrix is one of my favorite people.

Breakfast! Colleen! Friends!

This is good.

Roller derby league finals this weekend.

I’ll be doing the shivanautical warm-up for the bad-ass ladies of Guns N Rollers and cheering my head off.

So excited!

The Whine Bar at my Kitchen Table program.

We have been writing silly poems about library fines, and it somehow makes everything better.

Presents!

Wonderful pirate-ey socks from @herchuckness. A cape for the Costumery from @mrstwigg.

Happiness.

And … playing live at the meme beach house it’s the Fake Band of the Week!

My brother and I have this thing where we come up with ridiculous band names and then say in this really pretentious, knowing tone, “Oh, well, you know, it’s just one guy.”

This week’s band is not from around here. At least I don’t think so. Ladies and gentleman! Let’s give a warm welcome to….

The Florida Quease

Catch them rocking out at the Meme Beach House this week. And did you know? I’s actually just one guy.

ANNOUNCEMENT!

June 30 is a shivanautical snack preview (better than a sneak preview) picnic call. No cost. Hanging out with me. And snacks.

And talking about Shiva Nata and flailing.

If you’re even slightly intrigued by the powerful, silly, crazy thing that is Shiva Nata, you are more than welcome to sign up.

And you watched the video of me in a pink wig, right? Say yes!

That’s it for me …

And of course you can join in my Friday ritual right here in the comments if you feel like it.

Yes? Anything hard and/or good happen in your week?

And, as always, have a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come. Shabbat shalom.

p.s. It’s okay if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — you can join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.

The Fluent Self