What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
Friday Chicken #146: Get up for the downstroke.
In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
The hard stuff
In a funk to end all funks. FUNK.
Grrrr.
That’s pretty much all I have to say about that.
Oh I need a vacation so badly.
And I don’t know when it can happen.
Come on, calendar. Start making sense!
My old nemesis! So we meet again.
African drumming. I’m sure it’s great.
And! Why must it always be happening in whatever room is next door to or above or below the one in which I’m currently teaching Shiva Nata?
Or when I’m trying to get stuff done at the Playground post-Rally.
Or wherever I am, apparently.
The fact that this has randomly happened an absurd number of times over the past several years is telling me that I need to either start doing Shiva Nata to African drumming or that something weird is going on in the force.
Anyway, headache + HSP do not go well with the drumming and it all ends in grumpy grumpy grumpy.
This project I’m currently projectizing is unfairly hard.
You would not believe how many walls I hit this week. Figuratively. Mostly.
The hard side of wanting something that scares me.
Lots of monster conversations, for sure.
The good stuff
I found the coat rack!
Back in December, I wrote a Very Personal Ad asking for a ridiculous coat rack for the Playground.
I had such a strong sense of what it would be like: playful, silly, sturdy, with kooky embellishments.
Except that I didn’t find it so I’d kind of stopped looking. But then on Sunday, there it was! In a consignment shop. It was just right. And it even sort of matches the crazy hooks we have.
Guess how much? Eleven dollars. Schnäppchen!
Plus it fits so perfectly at the Playground that no one even noticed it was new. Looks like it’s always been there. This fills me with happy.
Joy! Joy! SABICH!
Speaking of being filled with happy…
One of the hardest parts of not living in Tel Aviv is missing the food.
I am constantly repressing cravings for so many things. Jachnun. Jachnun. Jachnun.
Anyway, I finally went to (twitter link) Wolf and Bear and they had sabich. And it was heaven.
My entire body was all tingly and home. I can’t even explain how great it was so you’ll just have to trust me on this.
Purple wig!
Everything is better in a purple wig. Even better than in a pink wig. It just is.
Wearing the purple wig solved many problems this week.
Rally!
Rally was full of interesting surprises, as it always is.
I learned so many things that I didn’t know about how I function and why and what my projects need in order to thrive.
And we rocked out while doing impossibly crazy Shiva Nata sequences. The shivanautical epiphanies were huge, and my brain is abuzz with exciting things. I always forget how astonishing it is.
Rally! Rally!
Also it was warm and sunny. Yes, now that the heating is no longer broken. Timing, timing.
Now stir, you fool!
This made me laugh on a crappy, crappy day.
Normally I would not link to a fourteen minute anything, but ohmygod Vegan Black Metal Chef. Somehow this hit me right in the funny.
Only vaguely related: someone can make me a mason jar picnic, metal version or not, and I will be very happy.
And … playing live at the meme beach house it’s the Fake Band of the Week!
My brother and I have this thing where we come up with ridiculous band names and then say in this really pretentious, knowing tone, “Oh, well, you know, it’s just one guy.”
This week’s band, by a crazy coincidence…
Now Stir You Fool!
They’ll be playing all weekend. Except of course that it’s really just one guy.

That’s it for me …
And of course you can join in my Friday ritual right here in the comments if you feel like it.
Yes? Anything hard and/or good happen in your week?
And, as always, have a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come. Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s okay if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — you can join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
Just another showdown.
You know how in cop shows they never stop and take a moment?
We’re having a giant fight about how I’m too close to this case and also (subtext!) how we shouldn’t have slept together and now I’m flipping my hair and marching into the interrogation room where I instantaneously switch modes and now I’m grilling this guy to find out what he knows about who killed my family.
I love this stuff. Spies, detectives, action scenes, slow-motion kicks! All of it.
And I am completely fascinated by how they pretty much never stop and take a moment.*
* Except in the season finale, of course, which is generally nothing but people — completely out of character — taking moments right and left.
Not even that they don’t take the moment but that they don’t think about taking the moment.
What would be the point of that?
We’re about to storm into this apartment where all the bad guys are. With their guns! And also my partner’s kid’s life is in danger. But we’re not going to stop for a quarter of a second to breathe and maybe silently acknowledge that this is kind of an intense moment and we might die and maybe we should have a plan beyond kicking in the door because we’re ALREADY DOING IT. Yeah!
What’s a moment?
I don’t mean taking a moment like going to the bathroom to cry.
Or pausing to do some Shiva Nata spirals. Or hiding in a hammock in the Refueling Station (like we do at the Playground).
All I mean is that moment of touching in.
Touching in. Landing. Taking a breath.
Inhaling and exhaling, reconfiguring your force field, adjusting your crown, invoking your superpowers and saying to yourself: This. Now. I am beginning.
To say: I am here now.
I want to be here now.
Of course they can’t take a moment. And they shouldn’t, probably.
It would ruin the dramatic effect. Or worse, make things sappy and annoying.
And no one is expecting these characters to be anything other than what they are: exceptional in every way and astonishingly unaware of their feelings at the same time. That’s how it works.
But somehow I find it extremely entertaining to watch people not take a moment. Over and over again.
I’d make it into a drinking game but I can’t drink that much.
I can watch them not take a moment but I can’t not take a moment myself.
Not because I’m crazy-mindful but because experience has shown that I’m so much more highly functioning when I ready myself for a thing.
I don’t even get the mail without my force field. And I definitely don’t make a phone call without being a secret agent and setting things up first.
The process of self-readying. That moment where you decide: “Okay, here we are and here is what I need.”
Establishing my space before entering an experience.
Starting the day with Hello, Day. Though really: starting everything with mini-versions of Hello, Thing I am Doing.
Because that’s what helps me be silly, light-hearted, playful, curious and inquisitive. It’s the form and structure that allow for freedom so that I can approach being alive like that awesome kid in New Mexico. Hi, Joseph!
The moment and then the next moment.
At Rally (Rally!), I am even more conscious of these moments of pause. Pause? Paws!
Before passing through each door. Moving from room to room or transitioning from one type of doing or not-doing into another.
It’s all entry and exits. The moment before and the moment after.
Even and maybe especially at times of no-drama.
That’s the practice. It probably makes for terrible television, but that’s the practice.
And it’s hard work. Hard, beautiful, messy work. And sometimes I pretend that I’m taking extra moments for the heart-broken detective too. Who knows. It might help.
And comment zen for today….
Playing with me is welcome.
Taking moments or thinking about taking moments or working on establishing a practice of maybe eventually taking moments. Or acknowledging how hard and challenging it is to mark transitions. It all counts.
Also if you feel like inventing ridiculous action scenes with me, I would LOVE that.
We all have our stuff. We’re all working on our stuff. We make room for other people to have their stuff. And we don’t give each other advice, unless people say it’s okay.
That is all!
The pink door.
My very favorite place to think about that jumbled thing that is culture is at the Playground.
It’s been nearly a year since we found the space, and in that time I have watched it transform from a tiny, sweet thing in my head and heart into the most amazing place I have ever been.
I puzzle over what exactly makes it so magical. And why does it smell so good?
Then I boggle over all the rituals, traditions, customs and stories that come together to make something the way it is.
How once that something is a thing, it continues to generate more customs, more traditions.
Why is this night different from all other nights?*
This week we’re on Rally (Rally!) and it’s the ninth Rally, so as you might imagine, we have all sorts of Rally customs that have emerged from previous rallies.
Inevitably we expand on these customs or change them. Some of these have become ritualized and set, and some become increasingly baroque, in the way of things.
* Sorry, obscure reference! See? Traditions!
And new customs are born each Rally. Each day, even.
Like yesterday when Darcy wore the flouncy floofy pirate skirt to lunch at a restaurant.
It became immediately apparent to all of us that taking things from the Costumery and wearing them out to lunch is an absolutely lovely way to bring more of Rally into the parts of our day that aren’t at the Playground.
I’m pretty sure you’ll see me this afternoon brandishing a cutlass and wearing a tiara at one of the food carts. See? Like that. It just sort of happens.
Or tonight at the wine and cheese evening (a tradition started by Jessica at the last Shiva Nata teacher training and cemented at Rally #6), we’ll be having a mini show-and-tell. I can see how that might stick too.
Who knows. By Rally #10, it might just be what we do. And it will get more interesting each time.
Traditions.
We have traditions about monsters and sunglasses and blanket forts.
We have rituals of stone skipping. We randomly yell silent retreat!
And none of this is prescriptive. It’s not about expectations of how you need to be.
It’s never this: “Okay, so this is how you have to do things.”
It’s more like this: “We kind of have this tradition of moving the fairy door around. You don’t have to do it. It’s just a thing that happens a lot.”
Customs and ritual work like code. They’re shorthand. They carry the qualities of Playground culture:
Curiosity, play, light-heartedness, invention, inspiration, creativity, agility, wonder, spaciousness and sovereignty.
Who keeps the culture?
The biggest difference between the culture of Rally and the culture of say, a city, is that no one lives at the Playground. There isn’t continuity in the same way.
The Playground is an island. And empty one, except for me and Selma.
Of course since so many people do multiple Rallies, it often happens that at any given Rally we have experienced Rallions.
I think at the current Rally there are at least two people who have already rallied.
But it won’t always happen, which means that part of my role is to be the keeper of the culture. The curator, in a way.
I can’t keep it all in my head. And that’s not the way culture works, anyway.
So I put some pieces in the PLUM (the Playground User Manual). And I have a version of the Book of Me that is a Book of Playground.
I don’t ever want the culture of Rally or of the Playground to be about expectations. I don’t want people to worry about how to be or what to do. I want the culture to hold everyone in safety, permission and amnesty.
That’s what it’s there for.
Something kind of funny. Funny-unlikely.
Yesterday at Rally I was looking for something and happened on some notes from a class I taught at my Kitchen Table program.
Notes about this thing that is culture. And it was so perfect.
Here’s what I had said, and forgotten:
Culture is all the stories that come together to create a feel for the whole.
Culture gets stronger through being tested.
Culture is subtle. It lives in your business cards, in your systems and policies, in how your space works (even if people can’t see it).
Culture is an accumulation of you-ness.
Culture creates and solves all problems.
Culture is transmitted through many things. Know your beacons.
If I were queen of an island, what would that island be like?
Door and doors.
We have this very charming fairy door at the Playground. You can see it on the contact page, of all places.
Which kind of implies that the best way to contact us is through the fairies, not sure if that’s a good idea or not.
And it’s become a thing at the Playground that whenever you see it, you move it. To a different wall or a different room or on top of a lamp or next to a treasure chest.
It sounds kind of stupid but it’s highly entertaining. And then each room ends up feeling slightly different at any given time because there’s a door or not a door, and it’s always not where you expect it.
Now we have a second fairy door, because Lisa brought us one. It’s pink! And it doesn’t get moved around at all ever.
But!
New traditions have already sprung up around it, as they do.
People bring little decorations to the pink door.
The pink door came with tiny rainboots and a bucket with a tiny key. Now there are little plants next to the door. And a ladybug and some tiny pebbles.
And someone promised to bring a footbridge. See? It’s crazy.
Biggification.
When I think about my business, and the past nearly six years, I think a lot about the beautiful things that have been accidents or surprises.
Who knew that the Friday Chicken would still be going strong after nearly three years (we haven’t missed a week and this is the 146th week…)?
We’d never have built a Refueling Station at the Playground if it hadn’t been for Crankypants McGrumblebug’s Kvetchtastic Whine Bar at the Kitchen Table.
Traditions are funny that way.
Funny and endlessly fascinating.
You plant culture in the form of love, trust, hope, gwishing and so on.
And then you see what you get, based on what it interacts with.

Play with me? And comment zen for today.
It’s a hard and complicated adventure growing a business. Or running a blog. Or doing any form of working on your stuff.
And documenting the culture of your business, or your art or your internal world is a really hard practice, because it’s so close that it’s hard to see. And because we have pain and grief about what isn’t the way we want it to be.
So this stuff can be hard.
It can also be really useful.
If you want to invent customs and rituals with me, you are welcome. And if you want to think out loud about this thing that is culture, that works too.
As always, we all have our stuff. We let other people have their stuff. And we don’t give each other advice unless people ask.
Love. And cutlasses!
A sandwich, a magic wand, desire, yes-but.
Me: I wanna sandwich! Sandwich!
Inquisitive and loving me, who might also be a fairy godmother: That seems like a reasonable thing to want. If I could wave my magic wand and get you one this very instant, would you take it?
Me: Yes! But I want it with pickles. And cheese! But … actually I really want the essence of sandwich, of having someone make it for me. Being cared for. Being given something warm and happy-making. So I guess if you’re waving the wand, I want half a sandwich, a pickle and to feel cared for and loved.
The yes-but is where all the useful information is. Always. Yay, caveats.

Once you bring out the wand, you find out what you really want.
Me: I want twenty five lovely people at the Shiva Nata teacher training.
Inquisitive and loving me: And if I could wave my magic wand and make that happen right away, would you take it?
Me: Of course, but then we’d also have to get more yoga blocks and more cushions, and more zombie apocalypse juice glasses, and if the training keeps growing beyond that we’ll need a bigger space. So I want 25 people and the resources to handle it. Hmm. I guess I need to map out what this entails and how it might work.
Like that.
I’m always looking for the yes-and.
The yes-and. The yes-but. I look for the caveats. Because that’s where desire gets both simple and complicated.
The I want it but I want it like this.
That’s where the real information is hiding. Everything that’s helpful about what you really want and need.
One of my clients: Can we work on getting me ten new coaching clients?
Me: Absolutely. So, if I waved my wand and ten new coaching clients showed up right now, would you take them?
Client: Mmm. Maybe. I mean, yes. Of course I would. But. You know, assuming that they’re the kind of people I like to work with, and they pay on time, and I still have time for my kid, and this is kind of freaking me out.
So then we know.
We know that it’s not the time to work on how we’re going to get ten more clients. At least not directly.
It’s time to set up systems in the business to ensure that this woman gets paid in advance. It’s time to make sure the copy she writes speaks to people that she adores working with. And to set up boundaries, buffers and rituals of spaciousness in her day so that her business supports her life instead of taking giant bites out of it.
Mmm. Sandwich! I may be slightly obsessed.
That’s what we work on in the hard.
But it’s not enough.
We have to work in the soft too. Because (saying this for the thirty seven millionth time), there is no biggification without destuckification.
In the soft, it might be time to talk to some monsters, do some negotiating and invent some metaphors. To head to the safe rooms.
To create safety. To invoke curiosity and play. To do what needs to be done so that we can get to the point of the unequivocal YES.
The YES of wanting.
The caveats are useful. They tell us that we aren’t at the yes.
And everything in the way of the yes is both extremely important and extremely individual (because People Vary).
There might be old painful stuff my client is dealing with about not good enough yet or what if I’ll never be ready or I don’t belong here. Probably some anxiety about growth and sustainability, and the usual fear-of-success brigade.
We don’t have to deal with it directly. We can play at the edges. We can work on all of this in sneaky and unlikely ways.
But whatever we do, we’re going to make sure that she gets clients in a way that means she’ll actually want them and be delighted about having them. Because that’s where the real work is. In whatever is hiding underneath the desire.

The main point here. Or one of them.
The thing about magic wand is that all of its power is in acknowledgment.
It doesn’t say, “You shouldn’t want that.” It doesn’t say, “That’s not what you really need.”
The wand says: “The thing you want is legitimate. So. Is that what you want? Tell me more about how you want what you want. Tell me more about the essence and qualities of what you want.”
Wanting is one of the scary, scary things. It brings up all of our pain and past experiences of hurt, grief and loss.
And, as we know from the Very Personal Ads, it is invariably conflicted.
The wand is a way in.
This unpacking-the-wanting is part of what happens at Rally (Rally!).
Not that we have wands. We totally have wands. But we play with possibility. We recognize that committing to a project is saying YES to desire, and that this means it’s going to be a little crazy for a while.
Last night we began Rally. Rally #9! And today, everyone is going to accidentally discover what their walls are. The yes-buts. The yes-ands. The what-ifs.
There will be hiding in the Refueling Station and eating of pretzel sticks and flailing the flail to find out what the patterns are.
There will be secret post-it notes and stone skipping and calling silent retreat!
Today is the day that I will find out what I want about what I want. And what needs to happen for me to feel comfortable wanting it. And that’s scary and hard.
So sparklepoints for me. And for everyone asking these hard questions.
And comment zen for today.
I sometimes think there is no topic as hard or challenging as desire.
We all have our stuff. We’re all working on our stuff. It’s a process, and sometimes that process is kind of a pain in the ass.
So we make room for other people to have their own experience, and we don’t give each other advice.
And we ask lots of questions. If you want to play (with big or small wants), I have a magic wand. So if you could have the thing, would you take it?
If there’s anything other than an enthusiastic YES, what changes/qualities/understandings would help you get to there?
Collect the caveats. Love the caveats.
p.s. Thanks to Carolyn for the magic wand question, which I use about six hundred times a day.
Very Personal Ads #97: mmmm toast
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these VPAs to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
Sunday! Let’s start gwishing for things.
Thing 1: excitement for the Toy Shop!
Here’s what I want:
I have been working my ass off trying to make the Toy Shop at the Playground beautiful and sparkly. Giant project.
And while there’s still plenty of work to do, we are done with round one. And I’m ready for some celebration!
Ways this could work:
At the Rally (Rally!) this week, there will be a number of people who have been at other Rallies or at the Shiva Nata teacher trainings.
They might ooh and aaah over the changes. That would be awesome.
Or I could take some time to really notice the parts of me who need acknowledgment and appreciation, and do some oo/aah-ing myself.
I can have a mini-house-warming party for the Toy Shop. Even if I don’t invite anyone.
It could just be me and the Schmoppet and a glass of wine. We could make toasts. Toasts!
My commitment.
To bring fun and light-heartedness to the process.
To play. To squeeze all the buttmonsters and pounce with the pouncers and flirt with the yowls. Yes, it’s that kind of store.
Plus we have jewelry made from spirographs!
To be full of love and support for my tiny, sweet thing.
Thing 2: epiphany-tracking.
Here’s what I want:
This week the insights are going to be flying at me like mad because this Rally is especially shivanautically-themed.
And I’d like to have some way of consolidating them, sorting them, helping them land.
Ways this could work:
Well, that could be my intention for one of the things I get epiphanies about.
Or it could even be part of my Rally project that I end up projectizing: what do I do with sparks of genius when I’m not ready to act on them yet?
My commitment.
To be present with the hard.
To let the moments of understanding do what they need to do.
To ask lots of questions, skip the stones and take notes.
Thing 3: we still need a new tech pirate and haven’t found him/her yet.
Here’s what I want:
This is an ask that has been asked a lot of times, in a variety of forms.
And for whatever reason, we haven’t found what we wanted.
So instead of just asking the ask again or posting the ad, I am going to work on this in the soft.
I am going to pay attention to what would happen in my business if we had the tech support we needed, and what my internal resistance is to bringing this person onboard.
Ways this could work:
A lot of internal work.
Asking loving, curious questions. Being the interviewer. Having faith.
Talking to the fear and the doubt.
My commitment.
My commitment is to the pirate ship.
And it is also to my own process.
So I am going to figure out what I need to feel safe before I rewrite the ask.
Thing 4: announce the stowawayship!
Here’s what I want:
There’s a stowawayship scholarship ship (which is the best kind of scholarship ever) for the June Rally (Rally!).
And while people have already started applying, I haven’t actually announced it. So I should do that.
Ways this could work:
This counts as telling you guys, right?
And I can mention it to the Kitchen Table mice.
My commitment.
To be excited about this.
So far every single time we’ve had a stowawayship, the people who have been able to come have been amazing, and it’s been a completely delightful experience.
It’s a perfect, simple solution. And I am a fan of perfect, simple solutions.
So yay stowawayship. Ship. Ship.

Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I wanted to do work in the soft to help me press the Pooblish button on my Shiva Nata video posts.
And I haven’t. Well, that’s not completely accurate. Stuff in the soft has shifted. Just not to the pressing-the-button point yet. Still working on it.
Then I wanted ease at the dentist, and it was a completely smooth experience, for which I am very grateful.
Trying to remember lip balm was really important. And that has not happened. Not even slightly. I’ll have to think about that one some more.
And I wanted to do some Rally prep and wow, I cannot believe how much Rally prep happened, especially since I don’t really remember asking for it.
Huge, huge, huge progress there, thanks to Cairene and the First Mate. We have a bunch of new systems in place that I’m very excited about. Verra nice!

Comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.
Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for. Or updates on last time!
Stuff I’d rather not have:
The word “manifest”. To be told how I should be asking for things. To be judged, psychoanalyzed or given unsolicited advice.
Much love for your gwishes! So happy to have you doing this with me.