What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
chicken gets the band back together
Hello, week: we are here.
{a breath for being here when we get here}
Thank you, week!
This is the 403rd week in a row we are chickening here together!
What worked this week?
Asking. This applies to about six different situations, at least.
Next time I might…
Try to keep in mind that I am not the only one who vastly underestimates how long things take, we all do, because the game is rigged! And shift mindset accordingly.
Naming the days.
This week was the week of trust love, and here were the days:
Day of earth and pleasure. Get wild and clear. Day of sweetness. Delight in this day. Let’s trust the ground. Beautifully clear. Ready.
Upcoming biopic if it were based on this week…
Oh Another Patience Test, That’s Hilarious
8 breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
- Repeat from last week: I want a home. I want a home that is safe, cozy, welcoming and feels like Havi space. I want this so much, and some days it seems closer, and some days it seems impossible. More than this, I want shelves and to be done living in temporary spaces with everything in bags. A breath.
- Two big painful misunderstandings with the beautiful faraway cowboy, and then we were able to resolve them but there was still more I wanted to talk through and still feeling hurt and sad, except now he’s gone for a week in the wilderness, which I’m sure feels like “and…saved by the wilderness!” but I’m still here with my feelings, and it sucks. I keep catching myself stew-stirring and then releasing the need to stir the stew. But also there are moments of no, I will stir this stew until I am done stirring. A breath for wanting to be heard and understood.
- Huge project stalled due to Unexpected News which is now leading me to question all my choices and plans, and wondering if it’s worth it to focus on patience and trust, or just cut my losses and get out now, and then rethink everything because it turns out I don’t actually have a plan B that I like yet. A breath for presence and listening, so I can turn inward and feel-hear the next indicated step. Also, I want BANTER in my life, where is the banter, not sure why this is related but it feels important.
- Not tired at night, very tired by day. Which is very weird but would still be fine if my house wasn’t full of contractors making very loud noise all day. A breath for comfort.
- Endless complicated logistics. I just want to go somewhere on holiday and come back and have everything sorted, but it doesn’t work like that, or maybe it does but I don’t know how. A breath for trust and more patience.
- Phone got water in it. It works but is really hard to read, and the rice trick everyone swears by is not doing it for me. File under It’s Always Something, like so many other things this week that I can’t even remember anymore. A breath for finding the good.
- Dance training has gone off the rails and hopefully is waiting for me somewhere in my future, right now between being exhausted and noisy house repairs, it’s all I can do to sneak in a few minutes of stretching. My poor body really could use a lot more movement but now is not the time. A breath for easing.
- Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. May peacefulness prevail. Trust-more love-more release-more receive-more. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week.
8 breaths for the good, reassuring, delight-filled.
- The Richard Powers workshops were enormously inspiring, what an honor to get to study with him. Feeling grateful for Portland’s warm and welcoming alternative waltz community, and for the richness of opportunities in this city. A breath of joy and wonder that I was able to take part in this.
- Taking care of myself. This is a good thing and gradually becoming more natural and automatic. I skipped fun activities because I knew that chilling in bed would do me good. I made sure I had good nourishing food. I practiced grace and compassion, and didn’t give myself crap for self-medicating when that was the thing that made the most sense in the moment, even though I hold onto hope for future moments where I maybe make other choices. I chose understanding instead of guilt. A breath of appreciation for all of my Selves, and all the work we’ve done to welcome each other with love, and learn how to rest.
- Got an absolutely INCREDIBLE piece of Surprise Good News that was so completely unexpected and brings so much ease into my life. This is also so perfect because all of my weekly wishes lately have been about exactly this. A breath for wonder and joy.
- Even though I haven’t been dancing or practicing nearly as much as I would like, had two fun (brief) dance excursions this week and got a taste of what I love about deeply connecting with another human without words. A breath for play and for sweetness.
- Ditto on last week: While there were some minor panics this week, the hard bits of this week were nothing like last week’s. Totally doable. We’ve got this. A breath for ease.
- I was able to find the good in the hard in so many ways this week, from accepting the unexpected not-what-I-wanted news, to coming to new understandings with the far-away boy through talking things out with patience, warmth, curiosity and love. A breath for practice, because practice is beautiful and important.
- Feeling so appreciative of this online space, the people who read and the people who comment. What an special thing we have here, what good people. I wandered to other places online this week and was like, ohmygod what is even happening out there, because I forgot that things aren’t like this. This is actually kind of amazing, the kindness and the vulnerability, the safety, the creativity. I am so fortunate to have this community. A breath of appreciation and awe.
- Thankfulness. Treasure in the form of really good soup, really good smiles, friends near and far, walks in the park. Everything is okay and so much is good. Nothing is wrong, even when I want to believe it is. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. Thank you for this grand adventure. A full breath of deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.
Sparklepoints, superpowers, salve, fake band of the week!
Current ops and forward movement!
Progress on the Studio Op, thoughts on the next phase of The Fountaining. Baby steps on Wild Wild Nest. Operations Jubilation slow and steady, Wild Montage taking a nap. Waiting patiently for the right time for The Wild Convening. Thank you, fractal flowers.
I hereby bestow vast quantities of sparklepoints upon myself like a fairground stripper, and you are welcome to do the same for you.
Superpowers I had this week…
Last week I asked for the powers of roots and beautifully supported, which I got in the form of my surprise good news, and also in all the things I learned in dance.
Powers I want.
I want all the powers of trusting the forward movement that I cannot see yet, the seeds underground. I want to relax because I have seeded all the best seeds, and I don’t need to fret about whether or not things will come into fruition. Something wonderful will, because that is how this garden works.
The Salve of Trusting The Garden
This salve delivers so much calm. It is related to the salve of I’ve Forgotten How To Worry. Wearing this salve will help you smile more, nap more, ask more questions, trust your own answers.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
This week’s band is from Steve and the album is from Richard:
Reinventing Shellfish
Their latest album is And There’s Nothing You Can Smash To Make It Better, and this band is just one guy.
Announcement time….
More to come soon, but I left the monster manual in the place that used to be the the shop. So if you missed the closing of the shop, there is still something beautiful for you!
How was your week?
Come play in the comments. Share something from your week, take a breath, or just say hi! No rules, my format doesn’t have to be yours, we’ve been doing this every week for years now and there still isn’t a right way.
Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We lovingly refrain from giving advice.
And of course it’s always okay to comment under a made-up name, whether for play and delight, or in the interest of Safety First.
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — jump in whenever you like. Blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers too!
a loving request for input on something I’ve meaning to ask you about for oh let’s see six years
spring breeze
as you probably know or have noticed
I’m going through a fit of Congruencing
you know that spring breeze scent?
the one that incites you to dream up wishes
your whole body wants to skip and frolic,
you desperately desire to sweep off the porch, start fresh,
(yes, whoosh-goodbye to what is old and done!)
roll in the grass, and then maybe a nap?
that is a bit like what Congruencing feels like
to me, at least
right now
good plus hard
there is good and hard to everything
this is the way of things
and there is good and hard to Congruencing
good: tingly excitement, freshness, newness, desire to engage again
hard: releasing what needs to be released stirs up dust
(of the emotional and energy varieties)
and, also, of course, yes,
you become keenly aware of ALL THE THINGS
that are currently incongruent, disharmonious, stagnant, out of date…
which leads to all flavors of crises
from “augh I don’t know what to wear, everything is unappealing and terrible”,
like, seriously Kim Kardashian levels of nothing to wear,
to the monsters that show up because
oh look Nothing In Your Life Is Working
which is not actually true
not true
it’s just that your attention is now drawn
to the bits that need fixing and patching
the things that need to exit your life
so that’s what you see
it isn’t the whole picture
it’s just where your focus is
I learn this and re-learn this every time Congruencing strikes
and then forget it again
right now all I can see is what is wildly incongruent
and out of date
which means the only answer is to laugh
and open the windows to let new air in
so here’s something funny
I have a sidebar
and it has a list of people’s favorite blog posts
in addition to my recommendations of what to read
and this list is from (drumroll…)
TWO THOUSAND AND NINE
which is about a hundred years ago in internet years
there’s even a link to the post from that year where
everyone named their favorite posts
and get this, even that post was brought on by a wave of congruencing
which is a good reminder to me that
this is just how life is: alive
and constantly changing,
in flux, not stagnant
sweeping away dust and letting fresh air in
(or more modern versions of “chop wood, carry water”, like deleting and archiving)
is the work of life
and this isn’t bad
there is holiness in everything
bringing light to forgotten corners is good work
even when it brings up distress about how did all these corners get forgotten
let’s play
it’s time to make a new list for the sidebar
or at least to reflect on what might go there
if/when I get around to a new one
here is what I would love to know
what are your favorite posts?
which posts would you want to share with someone?
where would you point someone new?
what posts if any from the current list would you keep there?
I know this is not the easiest question,
there are 1586 posts — and now 1587, ta da!
but if some memory is stirred in you
a piece of writing of mine that
was meaningful to read
please share
I would like that
and it would help me with this spring mission
here are some of my favorite posts
- cornbread vs the iditarod
- no one could look as good as you, mercy
- an airport parking lot filled entirely with french horns
- pain au chocolat
- Shmita
- A two sentence conversation about praise and time
- in grand fashion
- Clint Eastwood
- A love letter to you in the moment you become an adventurer
- Lost in a tragic ice cream incident
- The fountain
- The second time I got fired
- Constellations
- Red lights: a love story
and I don’t like to reread this one because it makes me cry,
but exit as you wish to continue is very beautiful and full of truth
what goes in the list?
tell me what you love or remember or find yourself returning to
let’s see if we can make a small sweet library for new people to start with
(or really anyone who showed up after 2009!)
and then maybe we can do it again in a few years
smiling about all the beautiful unexpected things we have learned and revealed
between now and then
“remember when you used to write in Woem form, for no reason?”, you’ll say
and we will have a good laugh about that too
or maybe by then I will have elevated woems to a brilliant art form
and we will laugh about that instead
laughter will be there for us either way
and sweetness
I can tell
thank you for helping me with this
I love playing with you here
a loving request for input on something I've meaning to ask you about for oh let's see six years
spring breeze
as you probably know or have noticed
I’m going through a fit of Congruencing
you know that spring breeze scent?
the one that incites you to dream up wishes
your whole body wants to skip and frolic,
you desperately desire to sweep off the porch, start fresh,
(yes, whoosh-goodbye to what is old and done!)
roll in the grass, and then maybe a nap?
that is a bit like what Congruencing feels like
to me, at least
right now
good plus hard
there is good and hard to everything
this is the way of things
and there is good and hard to Congruencing
good: tingly excitement, freshness, newness, desire to engage again
hard: releasing what needs to be released stirs up dust
(of the emotional and energy varieties)
and, also, of course, yes,
you become keenly aware of ALL THE THINGS
that are currently incongruent, disharmonious, stagnant, out of date…
which leads to all flavors of crises
from “augh I don’t know what to wear, everything is unappealing and terrible”,
like, seriously Kim Kardashian levels of nothing to wear,
to the monsters that show up because
oh look Nothing In Your Life Is Working
which is not actually true
not true
it’s just that your attention is now drawn
to the bits that need fixing and patching
the things that need to exit your life
so that’s what you see
it isn’t the whole picture
it’s just where your focus is
I learn this and re-learn this every time Congruencing strikes
and then forget it again
right now all I can see is what is wildly incongruent
and out of date
which means the only answer is to laugh
and open the windows to let new air in
so here’s something funny
I have a sidebar
and it has a list of people’s favorite blog posts
in addition to my recommendations of what to read
and this list is from (drumroll…)
TWO THOUSAND AND NINE
which is about a hundred years ago in internet years
there’s even a link to the post from that year where
everyone named their favorite posts
and get this, even that post was brought on by a wave of congruencing
which is a good reminder to me that
this is just how life is: alive
and constantly changing,
in flux, not stagnant
sweeping away dust and letting fresh air in
(or more modern versions of “chop wood, carry water”, like deleting and archiving)
is the work of life
and this isn’t bad
there is holiness in everything
bringing light to forgotten corners is good work
even when it brings up distress about how did all these corners get forgotten
let’s play
it’s time to make a new list for the sidebar
or at least to reflect on what might go there
if/when I get around to a new one
here is what I would love to know
what are your favorite posts?
which posts would you want to share with someone?
where would you point someone new?
what posts if any from the current list would you keep there?
I know this is not the easiest question,
there are 1586 posts — and now 1587, ta da!
but if some memory is stirred in you
a piece of writing of mine that
was meaningful to read
please share
I would like that
and it would help me with this spring mission
here are some of my favorite posts
- cornbread vs the iditarod
- no one could look as good as you, mercy
- an airport parking lot filled entirely with french horns
- pain au chocolat
- Shmita
- A two sentence conversation about praise and time
- in grand fashion
- Clint Eastwood
- A love letter to you in the moment you become an adventurer
- Lost in a tragic ice cream incident
- The fountain
- The second time I got fired
- Constellations
- Red lights: a love story
and I don’t like to reread this one because it makes me cry,
but exit as you wish to continue is very beautiful and full of truth
what goes in the list?
tell me what you love or remember or find yourself returning to
let’s see if we can make a small sweet library for new people to start with
(or really anyone who showed up after 2009!)
and then maybe we can do it again in a few years
smiling about all the beautiful unexpected things we have learned and revealed
between now and then
“remember when you used to write in Woem form, for no reason?”, you’ll say
and we will have a good laugh about that too
or maybe by then I will have elevated woems to a brilliant art form
and we will laugh about that instead
laughter will be there for us either way
and sweetness
I can tell
thank you for helping me with this
I love playing with you here
trust love
the point isn’t getting my wish (though cool things have emerged from wishing), it’s learning about my relationship with wanting, accessing the qualities…
wanting can be hard, it is easy to feel conflicted about it, and the reasons for that make this a surprisingly subversive practice…
this is the 353rd consecutive week of wishing, come play!
unexpected side effects
suddenly out of nowhere at the age of 39 I have allergies
sneezing my face off, eyes watering and red
I had to ask people what makes it stop
and it turns out that fexofenadine packs a punch (for me)
I have thick intense dreams
and slowly come to each morning with a phrase in my mouth
it circulates through my entire body, pulsing,
pausing in my mouth
cycling through again until I am awake enough
to write it down
hmmm phrase doesn’t seem strong enough
an instruction? a request?
or a wish in the form of a witchy incantation
it has an insistence to it
tugging at me until it has my full attention
trust, love
this morning it was follow the sweetness
yesterday was get wild and clear
the day before, the first day, was the most bewildering:
trust love: it’s time to trust love
it is time to trust love
the more time I give this
the less I understand it
sometimes words become a wave crashing through me
washing away what is and was and could be
I watch the water and I am the water and
I do not understand anything about anything
it empties you to fill you:
the knowledge of emptiness and the experience of being emptied
out into an emptiness so empty only receptivity remains
some questions
I am asking myself
what does it mean to trust love
why do I not trust love
what would it be like to trust love
who is the me who trusts love
what changes when I know how to trust love
what happened to me that I do not trust love
hmmm let us ask some new questions
because these are tinged with sadness
and calcified stories about people who
[loved me and then stopped loving me]
and I can feel how much the monsters like these questions
let’s channel my friend A’s awe-inspiring ability to
move from pain into
love more and trust more
let’s approach from a different corner
chance
Richard Powers, the most inspiring dance instructor I know,
says dance is about welcoming chance intrusions
therefore dance training is developing the skills that allow you to
welcome chance intrusions
you planned for X but then you get Y
a good dancer thinks, oh wow this is cool
this is not the same as being able to handle an unanticipated challenge
nope, this is the advanced practice: welcoming it
receptivity / breath / presence / curiosity / a smile
he talked about his teachers
and I expected him to name all the dance greats
but he said “anyone who is alive, and receptive to life,
and appreciative, this person becomes a teacher for me”
this is how I feel exactly
life and aliveness
come in
let’s play
I want to be here now, saying yes to this moment
and if it’s one of the hard moments
(and god knows there’s no shortage of those)
to meet it and myself with love
with acknowledgment and legitimacy, patience and presence
wholeheartedly whole whole whole heart
welcoming
if I can welcome life, I can learn to trust life
not to trust life to not-screw-with-me, because oh it will
that’s just the way of things
but to trust that I can navigate
what comes or doesn’t come
I can take care of myself to the best of my abilities
pick myself up and kiss my bruises
pat my tears dry
find something loving and reassuring to say to me-who-fell
if I can trust life, surely I can learn to trust love
okay what do I know about love
it lives in me
a quality of source
therefore: I can access it through any other quality
for example, I might not feel confident about love in this moment
but I know about comforting small scared me
and love and comfort share the same DNA,
so I can access one through the other
sometimes I can forget truth:
any person who is currently a delivery mechanism for love into my life
is not the source of love
just a mailbox
if I lose this particular access point, there will be other access points
other drop boxes, as many as needed, internal and external
love will come in
because love is
I can breathe love in and out
it is never gone
forgetting and remembering
I can forget that love is available to me
but that does not make it any less available
eventually my storms will calm, my breath will quiet
my attention will turn inward
the dust will settle
a light will come on in my heart
or really it will be revealed that the light
was there all along
and I will glow with love
in my thank-you heart
interior design
so, a funny thing
I often joke that I’m an interior designer
very, very, very interior
exploring the territories deep inside myself
finding abandoned places and opening the windows
letting the light in,
refurbishing as needed, and mostly
listening to what those spaces want to reveal or become
and — this is the part I find funny —
right now I am in the process of figuring out
where and how I will live IN REAL LIFE
trying to imagine/invent/uncover the design elements
of Havi-space
so my life right now is interior design coupled with, yes, interior design
welcoming, again
I keep thinking about Rumi and that beautiful imagery of the guest house
his wish-vision that we open our doors to the emotion of the moment
in order to let it come in and be what it is:
“Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.”
welcome chance intrusions, the unexpected moment, says Richard
welcome visitors of feelings, the intense ones too, says Rumi
say hello, get curious, be there for this encounter:
oh wow, fear, what do you need, can I make you some tea?
what is here for me
what treasures are in this
(obviously, always always always Safety First)
there is no self-fluency without the concept of Safety First
we play and live by Safety First
so if that means you have to ask fear to
go hang out in its safe house while you hang out in yours
that works, that’s a good plan,
and of course you get to set the ground rules,
for example, you can request that fear only communicate with you
through an interpreter (wisest you, perhaps) or a negotiator
that’s absolutely fair
welcoming doesn’t mean relinquishing boundaries
or your ability to care for yourself
we have to be able to welcome ourselves first
this is important
we can live by Safety First and still maintain the mindset of welcoming
kicking is the opposite of welcoming
it is so common in this “self-improvement”-obsessed internet world of ours
to encounter people pushing their latest five-step-method for
kicking fear to the curb and giving fear the boot and all related forms of
conquering/taming/vanquishing/banishing/mastering
none of these things are required
they are in fact the opposite of welcoming, the last thing that fear needs,
and not that effective in the long term
because the more barriers you build to keep fear out
the harder it will work to get your attention
hearth
but when you ask fear what it wants
and make it a strawberry smoothie,
listen to its stories, ask questions,
offer it a blanket when it gets cold
then it will trust you
and curl up and sleep by the fire
and one day you will know your fear so well
that there isn’t anything scary about it anymore,
when it shows up, blanket in hand,
you’ll just say, aw honey what can I for do you to make things better?
your approach of welcoming has become the automatic response
you take care of both fear and scared you at the same time
smoothies and blankets for everyone!
see, that’s love
I do know about love
and I do know about trusting love
in that sense
I know about the process of
welcoming the lost and hurting parts of me
the uncomfortable sensations
tucking them in instead of kicking them out
releasing what is not mine, with love
cherishing the space inside of me
and making it welcoming for me to experience what I’m experiencing
what is my wish this week
it is to trust love
but there is so much more to that
this is a wish about meeting myself with such kindness
in my grief and sorrow and anguish
in the most awkward and embarrassing moments
in rage and in paralyzing fear
to let love wash through me
and say, yes, I am a real live human being
with real uncomfortable emotions which sometimes scare me
and nothing is wrong
I scribbled notes during two days of training with Richard Powers
most of them make no sense now so I just have to trust
that it is all inside of me
and will reconfigure into dance wisdom that lives in my body
in the right timing
but the last page says
SHOW UP FOR LIFE, FOR DANCE, FOR JOY
this is my wish this week
this is how I want to practice trusting love
now
today I was going to buy a ticket to phoenix
to see someone I love
and now I am not
(time to trust love)
I kiss the palms of my hands and press them to my cheeks
letting my fingertips brush across my forehead
(time to trust love)
peeling a grapefruit with my fingers
I pause to inhale the scent of its skin
remembering the beautiful year I spent working in the orchards
those trees are gone forever
(time to trust love)
there’s no time like the present, as the saying goes,
and this is suddenly hilarious
because literally There. Is. No. Time. Like the present…
and no time other than the present
that’s all there is
it is the right time because it is the only time and all time all at once
there is only this so
it’s time to trust love
the superpower of beautifully supported
ah here we are in April, the month of ROOTS
and oh how I need this superpower of
Beautifully Supported
thank you, past-me, for being such a good namer and calling this into being
last week’s wishes
last-week-me wished a wish called something entirely new…
it was a raw and vulnerable wish, and I felt so understood and appreciated
thank you everyone for sharing it with me
here’s to the incoming/ongoing superpowers of
I Hear My Yes and listening with love
letting the new come in
invitation: come play with me…
you are invited to share many !!!!!! about what is here,
or share appreciation or anything sparked for you while reading
deposit wishes, gwishes, superpowers, qualities, ingredients, intel, possibly in code
safe space for creative exploration asks us to let go of care-taking and advice-giving
wishes are never late because whenever you wish is the right time for wishing
here’s how we meet each other’s wishes: oh, wow what beautiful wishes
♡
chicken on the swing
Hello, week: we are here.
{a breath for being here when we get here}
Thank you, week!
This is the 402nd week in a row we are chickening here together!
What worked this week?
Being conscious and playful with ENTRY for potentially stressful interactions. Thinking about ways I could bring in light-heartedness and find common ground with the person on the other side.
This was so lovely, and not only did it help me stay calm, focused and positive, I also ended up having a completely charming and hilarious conversation with the person on the other side of the live chat function, and how often does that happen when dealing with an institution like a bank?
Next time I might…
Take care of myself first!
Naming the days.
This week was the week of something entirely new, and here were the days:
Focused zeroing in on yes. A beautiful day. Oh wow in a good way. Day of yeses. Day of wild joy. Day of surprise good. I live the ease.
Upcoming biopic if it were based on this week…
I Have Apparently Forgotten How To Smile Back At Good Looking Strangers In The Grocery Store
8 breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
- I want a home. I want a home that is safe, cozy, welcoming and feels like Havi space. I want this so much, and some days it seems closer, and some days it seems impossible. A breath for this.
- This was an intensely busy, discombobulated week, and I was off balance. Arrived for three hours of dance lessons without my dance shoes, for example. Things like that. Also, I forgot that when I do a promotion (like the shop closing), then thousands of people are thinking about me, which I feel in the form of headaches and wobbliness. A breath for the ground.
- Friends and situations who echo the things my monsters say, and contribute to my false but deeply held belief that I am screwing up my life and am exceptionally bad at functioning at an adult at the most basic level. A breath for the question “is this really about me?” and remembering to breathe and let it go because truth is truth, and truth reminds me that Shit Is Not About Me.
- Not wanting to go to bed, not wanting to fall asleep, craving distraction, missing the boy who left seven months ago, wishing I would get over it already but that’s not actually how things work, at least not right now. A breath for comfort.
- Things being complicated, in very unnecessary ways. A check not arriving when anticipated. A password suddenly not working. Internet stopped working at the house completely, inexplicably. Sometimes the world is just sort of off. This week was more like, “hmmmmm, extremely suspicious, are mystery henchmen secretly gaslighting me?” levels of this. A breath for trust, again, and for catching the next wave.
- Logistics, as you know, are my least favorite thing, and that’s my whole life right now. When can X happen, not until Y which depends on factor Z, but in order to learn more about Z, there are ten other considerations, three of which take me back to X. I can get way too sucked into this, which is not good because it’s all moving parts, and so much depends on outside factors. A breath for patience, spaciousness, ease and more trust.
- It is 84 degrees in Portland, which is stupid hot, not to mention deeply distressing. Additionally I am having my yearly “caught by surprise by summer” panic, when the heat stirs up not-good memories from Then, plus I need things I don’t have and don’t have time to look for. Like flip flops that don’t tear up the sensitive skin on the tops of my feet, and a sun dress I like, and a pedicure. A breath for easing.
- Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. May peacefulness prevail. Trust-more love-more release-more receive-more. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week.
8 breaths for the good, reassuring, delight-filled.
- Richard Powers is in town this weekend! He’s a dance historian who is also, I think, one of the most fascinating dance instructors on the planet. Just reading the schedule fills me with such intense excitement, this is dance geek paradise, with such wildly interesting and unlikely workshops such as “Electro Swing One Step and the Charleston Rag” or “Waltz in 5/4, 8/4 and 11/4 timing”. We will also learn The Waverly. I don’t even know what that is but I am too excited to care. A breath of joy and gratitude that I get to take part in this.
- Friends. The Vicar kept me on track this week by saying all the right things. Bourbon on the porch with Agent Emdee. Colleen the Signmaker texting love. Agent Spalding has a knack for asking the right questions, and makes me think harder, which is wonderful. A breath of appreciation.
- Signed the lease with new tenants who move in next month. Two stuck projects started moving. Contractors showed up. It’s a lot of big change, but it is good change. A breath for this.
- Big dance joy at blues dancing, and three lessons with my favorite west coast swing teacher. A breath for learning and implementing.
- While there were some minor panics this week, the hard bits of this week were nothing like last week’s. Totally doable. We’ve got this. A breath for ease.
- I did brave things! I took chances! I said what I want! I said no when it was the right answer! I asked for more intel! This is good. A breath for courage.
- So much more ease this week, so much awareness of what it is like to access the mindset of With The Greatest of Ease/Es, and much joy playing with my current favorite E: Equanimity. A breath of relief and gratitude.
- Thankfulness. Treasure in the form of laughter, walking in the sun, iced tea. Everything is okay and so much is good. Nothing is wrong, even when I want to believe it is. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. Thank you for this grand adventure. A full breath of deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.
Sparklepoints, superpowers, salve, fake band of the week!
Current ops and forward movement!
Big movement on the Studio Op and The Fountaining. New thoughts on operation Wild Wild Nest. Operations Jubilation and Wild Montage slow and steady. Looking forward to The Wild Convening when the time is right. Thank you, fractal flowers.
I hereby bestow vast quantities of sparklepoints upon myself like a fairground stripper, and you are welcome to do the same for you.
Superpowers I had this week…
Last week I asked for the powers of deep abiding trust. And I got much more of that than anticipated. Sending my worries on holiday to a tropical island was an excellent plan as well.
Powers I want.
I want all the powers of roots and beautifully supported.
The Salve of On The Swing
This salve delivers many interesting superpowers. For example, the superpowers hidden in a pendulum: consistency, timing, measured, always moving through neutral to reach one edge and then another, mesmerizing. The quiet calm feeling of sitting contentedly on a porch swing in the moonlight.
The superpowers of being on a swing in the park on a glorious afternoon: joy and play, breeze and movement, that magically anticipatory moment of beautifully suspended, and then the moment of gravity taking you back….
And of course, let’s not forget the power of claiming space: taking up space in your own swing.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
This week’s band:
The End Is Trivial
It’s a ska band, their latest album is Math Is All Secrets, and this band is just one guy.
Announcement time….
Last day of the the shop!
How was your week?
Come play in the comments. Share something from your week, take a breath, or just say hi! No rules, my format doesn’t have to be yours, we’ve been doing this every week for years now and there still isn’t a right way.
Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We lovingly refrain from giving advice.
And of course it’s always okay to comment under a made-up name, whether for play and delight, or in the interest of Safety First.
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — jump in whenever you like. Blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers too!