What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
Wish #233: Adaptability. Clarity. Music.
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
At the very least, useful noticings about my relationship with wanting. It all counts.
♡
What do I want?
To adjust to what is, and go with that.
A couple days ago, I thought I knew exactly what I was doing over the next two weeks. While I wasn’t thrilled with most of it (a lot of work), I had a plan.
All that got thrown into a blender with two big pieces of news. Now I am doing very different things over the next two weeks. And I still need to get the work done. Or find a way for it to get done without me. Or find a way for things to be okay without it getting done.
Adaptability is what is called for here.
Adaptability is also the superpower I most admire in the world, the one that seems the most challenging, and the one I work on the hardest.
There is no strength more impressive (to me) than the ability to go, “Oh, things are like this now? Okay, got it.”
This requires a lot of permission. Permission to feel all the things I am feeling about the fact that everything has changed, permission to not like the change, permission to not-like the not-liking, permission to wish things were different.
And, at the same time, fueled by permission and legitimacy, to jump over to the new path. Hello there, new path. Hello there, feelings about the new path. Hello, new direction. I’m here. Let’s do it.
It is the thing I practice when I’m dancing:
Ah, my body thought you were leading one kind of turn and it’s another kind of turn, now we’re over here, got it, I am releasing expectation, releasing the need to anticipate the next move, I am here.
I want to be able to do this with the New Plans that just showed up. And I want clarity. And music.
What do I want?
A playlist. Accompaniment. Music to make it easier.
What do I want?
Insight. To trust my instincts. To take care of myself. To remember my commitment to my mission, which is always taking care of myself.
One of the new plans involves doing two different highly stressful things that don’t fall into the category of things that take care of me.
So I need to find ways to change those things so that I am still taken care of within them.
Or: I need to find ways to take care of myself while I am in these experiences that don’t support me.
I want to recognize and remember that even though I am not thrilled about either of the experiences, I have also chosen them in order to get something else that is good for me.
What do I want?
Miracles. Perfect simple solutions. Good surprises. And again: music.
Everything is going to be better with music. I feel very strongly about this right now.
Where/how do I want to start?
Permission.
There are a lot of changes. There is a lot going on. It might be hard. That is to be expected. I might not like it. That is okay. I might need to cry a lot. No worries, that is a normal reaction to upheaval.
What are the qualities of my wish?
Peacefulness. Trust. Steadiness. Warmth. Grounding Anchors. Sweetness. Power. Clear seeing.
And the superpowers of I Have All The Support I Need. .
What would help me move forward on this? How am I going to play?
RGW! That’s secret agent code for Refreshing Glass of Water.
Checking in with Agent Em Dee.
Trust spray.
Drawing a crown and a heart on my palm. Thinking: Crown. Heart.
Pandora. Spotify. Secret playlists on the tiniest greenest cutest schmoo-pod.
What is my clue?
Clue: Right now my beloved agent (from the Other Agency) is going through a fairly substantial existential Not-A-Crisis about his vocation.
I had the sudden realization this morning that this is a good thing.
It means he is feeling secure enough about other things — love, relationship, home — that he can now start falling apart about his work.
So maybe… maybe freakouts, breakdowns and crises aren’t signs that something is wrong. They’re signs that something big is going so very right that you finally have room to see the other things that need to change(!).
What if these moments of “what am I doing with my life?!” are good news? What if they are a SIGN that something big is working for you, and now you have the space to see what isn’t working.
This somehow strikes me as super subversive.
This is my clue. Things that seem like they aren’t working are signs about something else that is working. They are a reminder to return to my thank-you heart.
Anything else?
Fold the laundry. I will feel better when the laundry is folded.
If it isn’t working, change the music.
Get in the bath.
Have a good cry.
Nothing is wrong, including having a good cry.
What else do I want?
Seeds planted without explanation, a mix of secret agent code and silent retreat dreams. Things I’m working on, or might be, someday…
- The Salve of Salves.
- The Compass of Signs.
- May Peacefulness Prevail!
- Announcements.
- Everything is getting easier.
- Miracles everywhere.
- Regular dancing gigs at the ballroom, which is also the Spiegelsaal.
- This doesn’t require my input!
- Ha, it’s so perfect that it turned out like this.
- Past me is a GENIUS.
- I have what I need, and I appreciate it.
- There is money for this.
- Trust and steadiness. I can see why this moment is good.
- Hawaii.
- I am fearless and confident, and I do the brave things and give myself sparklepoints, and it is not even a big deal that I did the brave things but I still get sparklepoints, yay.
This week’s ops?
Operation Department of More Magical Voyages, aka The Big Dumb Mitten Visit. Operation Rewire The Swishes.
I’m playing with…
Same as last weeek: DANCING. Breathing. Transitions. Permission.
As well as: The thing I am doing in this moment is useful, even if I don’t know why. And having this thought is useful. And changing what I am doing or how I am doing it is useful. And even feeling hopeless is useful, if I notice that I’m doing it and meet it with compassion.
Attenzione! AGENTS.
I am deep in an undercover mission to get better at Gracefully Accepting Thanks. Or: Glowing Receptivity and Being Receptive to Glow.
This mission also resolves a question we get from people a lot, which is “I really, really want to thank you, except I’m not going to buy products and I can’t come to a Rally.” And it is also related to Operation Coming Out Of All The Closets, so I can share some experiences from Then where past-me thought her best survival strategy was not-sharing-how-hard-things-are.
If you would like to support my mission by sharing sweetness and appreciation for any aspect of my work, I would love that. You can do it with the magic of words, through the comments, or add something to Barrington’s Discretionary fund. (Explanation!)
And if the way you are glowing appreciation is quietly in your heart, I like that too. It all counts. ♡
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
So. Last week, aka a new kind of winter…
My wish had to do with having a different relationship with winter. And also strategies for either getting out of bed or being okay with not getting out of bed, or setting up my life so that December is hibernation-friendly.
I was able to slide into a new routine that felt a lot better. And then Agents White & Mueller got me an early birthday present that made it very easy to get out of bed: morning dance classes again! Also feeling slightly better about everything now that the solstice has passed, and the whole christmas deal will be over in a few days.
The smartest thing I seeded last week (that I know of) was Now Is Not Then, and coloring in the coloring book, both of which really helped.
Thank you, writing. Thank you, me who asked.
Keep me company?
You are welcome to drop in with wishes, gwishes, visions, personal ads. Small or large, and in any form you like. There is no right way to do this. Updates on past experiments are welcome too, as is anything sparked for you.
Commenting culture: This is safe space for creative exploration. We ask for what we need. We are on permanent vacation from care-taking and advice-giving. We are here to play.
Let’s throw some things in the pot! And, as always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox
Friday Chicken #282: happy newt ear
It is Friday and we are here.
{a breath for Friday}
What worked?
RGW.
This was my code for Refreshing Glass of Water. I know that it’s actually a glass of refreshing water, for everyone who likes to be precise (the water is refreshing, not the glass), and yet that’s the code.
RGW.
Every time I was about to attempt a Doing of some form, I would text Agent Em Dee and tell her how I was starting. RGW.
It helped. Both the texting my ally and the drinking of the water. Emptying and replenishing. It is the theme of my year, and this was a relatively low-key way to practice it.
RGW. RGW. RGW.
Clue of the day.
Each morning I also texted Agent Em Dee with a clue.
It was a silly thing. And also it helped. It is nice to have clues.
Joyful serendipity!
Last Friday I was dancing nightclub two step with a lovely older gentleman. The song ended, and he asked: Do you rumba?
I do not rumba. So I shook my head. He suggested that we try it anyway. My body somehow remembered how to do the basic, either from a ballroom taster class or from watching Strictly Ballroom way too many times, and I was able to more or less follow the rest. It was exhilarating.
Me, in my head: More rumba, please!
The next day two of my “hey, let’s dance something” classes turned out to be rumba classes. PERFECT.
Or on Wednesday I watched a video of someone teaching the Texas Tommy (a dance move) and thought, I want to do that. The next day at West Coast Swing, every single person I danced with did at least one Texas Tommy.
People were Texas Tommying all over the place. I don’t know where all these Texas Tommies have been, and all of a sudden it was one Texas Tommy after another, like they were on sale.
I am making a mental note to keep saying things like “more of this, please”, because, well, because I would like more of this please.
Next time I might…
Be generous with making space for [December].
I had zero ability to focus or concentrate this week*, for a wide variety of reasons, among them that this is the time for hibernation and I had piles of work that I wanted nothing to do with.
The more I fought with myself, the more it hurt.
I want to remember to say, “This makes sense, and it will be okay.”
Because ultimately it doesn’t matter why. Full moon. Scary news. Being about two seconds away from my period all week. Stress and deadlines. Perceived expectations. Recovery from Then. Residual trauma. Who knows.
There is always a reason, and it is legitimate. All the reasons. They are legitimate.
And this always happens in December and it always passes, and I am always okay.
A wise thing a dance teacher said this week.
Applicable to everything, so substitute life for “dance”….
“Surrender your mind, that is how you follow. You stop thinking about what is about to happen and you start feeling what is happening.”
That was Susan.
Eight breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
- Seriously I could not focus to save my life. A breath for fogginess, and for trust in the path.
- Hard news, hard decisions, a lot of pain. A breath for this.
- Navigating situations with people you care about deeply and also don’t trust. A breath for staying connected to love and safety.
- Actually everything in my life is working except for in one area, and it’s just that this one area has such a massive impact that it is hard for me to remember the good. A breath for perspective.
- Everything is changing. Everything ends, dies, reconfigures. A breath for change.
- I really want some time off to do things that are not related to my company or the chocolate shop or Solving All The Problems. A breath for tightness easing.
- […] A breath for everything that is hard right now.
- Inhale, exhale. Goodbye, mysteries and hard moments of this week.
Eight breaths of good, reassuring, delight-filled.
- Magical cafe date (Fake Beach Day on a Tuesday) with Danielle. A breath for pleasure and restfulness.
- Two surprise rumba classes! A breath for the delight of learning.
- I have so much information about what I want in my life. And oh right, everything in my life is working except for (super big thing that is a disaster), that’s a first, and it is pretty amazing. A breath for sweetness.
- Friends. Really good friends who are there for me in tough times. Also, I have plans to be with some of them on solstice, christmas and new years. My phone turned that into newt ears. A breath for support, laughter, treasure.
- A genius idea that is so genius that it scares me. A breath for possibility.
- Long baths. A breath for water making everything better.
- My sankalpa or aspiration/intention this week was Generously Receiving, and then Agents Mueller and White bonded (ha, spy pun) and ended the end of the Jazz Age for me, that is to say: they gave me an early birthday present and got me back in my morning dance class. A breath for generously receiving, and for the generous giving of two people who love me.
- I saw the new Fluent Self calendar and it is so breathtakingly beautiful that I actually cried happy, delighted tears. It is just right, and also a tiny sweet thing, so I will tell you about it soon. It is all salves! A breath for something surpassing your biggest hopes.
WHAM BOOM! Operations completed.
Lots of ops.
Operation Solve For S, take II
Operation CINNAMON
Also, I finally rewrote the comment culture page, yay!
WHAM! BOOM!
Superpowers!
Powers I had this week…
The power of knowing that the light at the end of the tunnel is there, and also that the tunnel is not a tunnel.
And, I am the PROPRIETRESS of a magical ballroom.
Superpowers I want.
Same as last three weeks: Everything Is Simple And Pleasurable.
And also: extreme focus. And unwavering faith. Whatever I am doing in this moment is right. And if I change it, that is also right.
Salve.
The salve of joyful serendipity.
All the connections, seen and felt. The thing you are drawn to is the thing that is suddenly here. Hints everywhere. It is slightly tingly. There might be mint in it somewhere.
It is especially good for bruises and sore muscles.
I also like to rub it into the soles of my feet when I go to bed and when I wake up.
If you are not a salve person (today or in general), you can have this in tea form, pill form, as a bath, whatever works for you. Not only is there enough salve, there are also enough ways to receive it.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
This week’s band via Richard.
Freaked Out By Figs
They are a trance polka band from Seattle. Though I hear it’s actually just one guy…
Attenzione! Attention, AGENTS.
I am deep in an undercover mission to get better at receiving in all forms, or as I’m calling it: Glowing Receptivity and Being Receptive to Glow.
This involves, among other things, acquiring the skill of Gracefully Accepting Thanks.
And it is related to my mission of Coming Out Of All The Closets and sharing, particularly about my personal experiences with not-sharing-how-hard-things-are, when things were actually the hardest.
If you would like to take a part in this and support me on my mission by sharing sweetness and appreciation for any aspect of my work, I would love that. You can do it with the magic of words, through the comments, or add something to Barrington’s Discretionary fund. (Explanation!)
And if the way you are glowing appreciation is quietly in your heart, I like that too. It all counts. ♡
Come play if you like…
Join me in the comments. Some of us share hard and good, some of us say hi, or maybe we’re on silent retreat. My ritual doesn’t have to be your ritual. Whatever works for you. Almost three hundred weeks of this and there still isn’t a right way.
Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We don’t give advice.
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever you like, it’s no big deal. And I am blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers. I love that you are here too.
Clues in the pattern.
Sometimes I have a thing I have to do and I very much do not want to do it.
Then there is a huge monster rebellion, and I end up hiding in bed watching some show on Hulu, and the monsters are also up in arms about that, even though I basically got there due to Overwhelmed By Too Many Monsters.
Anyway, we know from experience that guilt —> stuck. And we also know that permission to be where you are, dealing with what you’re dealing with, leads to changing patterns. This is what we want.
So the goal is, as always: practice legitimacy, notice needs, recognize guilt, lovingly mess with the pattern.
Something I have been experimenting with over the past year that helps with all of these is playing Find The Clues.
I do this when I am already at the point where, yes, I am absolutely overwhelmed and I need a pause, and hey, this is the pause that I am giving myself even though maybe it is not my ideal pause.
So I pretend that this pause is the mission.
I’m in bed watching a show? Great, that is apparently part of my mission.
So I watch the episode on High Alert, because I am a spy. With a notebook. I jot down everything that might be a clue. I am attentive and watchful, and I breathe.
I remind myself: This is the mission. This is my fractal flower.
Watching this (both the show and the pattern) is going to turn out to be useful, as is giving myself permission to be right here. And I am going to collect as much intel as I can.
Clues from last week’s episode.
Ha, episode. Mine and the show.
- “Granted early release.” Grant. Release can be granted. A grant is a form of release. It can also happen earlier than expected.
- “The working theory stands.” In the world of television crime-solving procedurals, the working theory is always wrong. However, someone invariably says this. A good reminder about not making assumptions. Monster theories about how I am a terrible and lazy person certainly sound true. And yet monster theories always turn out to be full of distortions. The working theory is not going to make it to the end of the episode.
- Observation: things in life do not have to stay the same. Reality can change quickly. Often within two episodes something that seemed like an impossible dream is now possible. I have experienced this in real life and yet I persist in believing in the power of walls and obstacles to maintain their current shape and form FOREVER.
- “Bonsoir!” This always sounds so cheery. I need to give this an extra code meaning!
- “If you can’t think straight, think circular.” Go with what is.
Clues from my episode.
I got what I needed: rest, breathing, stretching. A world where things are beautifully designed and imagined.
I worked on the project during commercial breaks and kind of chipped away at it, making more progress than I thought I would.
There was a dream that night about everything changing, in a good way.
Monsters were wrong. It was not the end of the world.
I think I am getting better at thinking circular. And: I think I am getting better at letting myself need what I need, want what I want, be stuck when I’m stuck.
There are clues everywhere. Might as well find them.
And once I am in clue-searching mode, I’m using the pattern that I’m in, which is already changing the pattern, opening new pathways for next time. I’m a scientist, a detective, a spy.
I am paying attention.
And nothing was wrong.
The thing that seemed like it was derailing the mission became part of the mission, and then I was able to return to the “actual” mission. Or to what the monsters think is the actual mission.
Since the bigger mission is learning how to meet my stuff with kindness and compassion, and the bigger mission than that is being patient with myself even when I can’t do that, I am never off the mission. It is all learning.
Sometimes I take the clues and try to figure out what they can tell me about the thing that I am temporarily avoiding.
(Avoiding for valid reasons of my own, because avoidance always makes sense, even when we don’t know why).
Sometimes I talk to the clues, like I did with this Dick Tracy lunchbox.
Other times, it is enough that I collected clues. The process of clue-collecting is enough to alter my mood. I feel more alert, more present, more capable of taking a next step.
Something else to play with, whenever you want.
Another tool for the collection.
Though actually, there are all kinds of tools in here so this one is kind of a swiss army knife.
Things we can do today:
Find clues. Decide we are going to find clues. In our work/projects, and also in the things we do to avoid them, and also in whatever we happen to be doing, because clues are everywhere. That is one of the great joys of having a brain. Brains like to find connections. Connections are clues.
So let’s play. Deposit clues here if you like. See what happens.
I am leaving an extra clue for you right now, the clue for this week is CINNAMON.
Reminder that we are all in a process, and this is safe space, so we commit to no advice-giving and no care-taking. 🙂
And much love, as always, to everyone who reads.
Wish #232: a new kind of winter
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
At the very least, useful noticings about my relationship with wanting. It all counts.
♡
[Note! I wrote this post yesterday, and then didn’t post it because I wanted to sleep on it, which turned out to be the right move.]
What do I want?
I’m not sure yet exactly. Let me just start with some points that are true for me right now, and see what I notice about how they might or might not relate to each other.
Point: I am in bed at 1pm on a Sunday.
Point: That isn’t necessarily a bad thing, that’s what Sundays are (supposedly) for, right? I mean, sleeping in and lazing in bed on a weekend for as long as you like, with no interruptions easily goes in the Top 200 Best Things About Not Living In Bolivia.
Point: The monsters and time gremlins are not buying this. They think being in bed past 8am at the latest is a sure sign of Impending Doom: Things Are Clearly Going Terribly Wrong, And Will Go EVEN MORE Terribly Wrong If I Act Like This Is Legitimate And Not An Emergency, Because It Obviously Is.
Point: It’s December. Everything is either cold, grey and annoying, or christmas-ey and annoying. To me. I know some people love either or both of those things.
Point: Three years ago I wrote a blog post called The Campaign To Bring Back Hibernation. I still feel pretty strongly about this, and have not acted on it at all.
Point: I did not set things up this year so that I could hibernate in December, and I have insane amounts of work waiting for me.
Point: I am having trouble motivating myself to do non-hibernating things. Partly this is recovering from rally. Partly this is just my deep desire to only do hibernating things. Partly this is reeling from the last two years of All The Barns Burning and All The Broken Pots. Partly this is just what needs to happen right now.
Point: I think I need to just let everything take ten times longer than I expect it will or think it should, and this is hard for me.
Point: For the past three years I have taken a morning aerobics class that I refer to as whatsit. Noun and verb. I am going to a whatsit. I just whatsited. And last week I stopped going because of [time/money/stuff]. It turns out that without whatsit I have no reason to ever get out of bed, ever. Apparently the only thing that gets me out of bed is that otherwise I miss the bus to whatsit, and without whatsit, I don’t have my dopamine fix. I am not sure how I got out of bed prior to being a whatsiteer, I don’t seem to have any intel about that.
What do I want?
I want to enjoy my sweet hibernation time in bed, without guilt or self-recrimination.
I want to trust, with deep certainty, that I still have the option of getting out of bed, should I desire to.
I want to remember that Now Is Not Then, and that this is not that horrible long summer when R died and all the bad things happened and I couldn’t get out of bed for very different reasons.
I want new morning rituals, and sources of support, so that I can feel invigorated about my day, whenever I choose to begin it.
And I want to go back to whatsit, and I want a plan.
What do I want?
[It turned out that what I wanted was to take a break from this, so I did many very impressive things, including:
- Getting out of bed(!)
- 20 minute workout(!)
- Laundry(!)
- Making an omelet(!)
- Coloring in the coloring book(!)
- Going for a walk to the ninja before it got dark(!)
This was all good. And, like I said, very impressive.]
What do I want?
To trust my instincts.
To set things up for me in ways that are supportive and kind.
You know how teachers get summers off? I want winters off.
I want my job during these months to be curling up in bed, taking care of myself, taking baths, watching movies, looking for clues. Like that.
I don’t know how that would work, and there are a million trillion monsters in that wish, and that is what I want, so that means I need to create safety for myself and for this sweet wish.
This is the very definition of a tiny, sweet thing, so I am not going to mention this to anyone who would criticize it or tell me why it’s never going to work. I can do that on my own, thank you very much.
What else do I know about what I want?
Even if I can’t get my wish, I can access qualities of my wish.
And I can definitely access the part of my wish that has to do with releasing guilt, because that is the work of my life and I am going to get better at this through practicing.
Where/how do I want to start?
Noticing elements of the pattern, with love. Noticing where I assume that Something Is Wrong, when in fact there is no current evidence to support that theory. Noticing how much fear I have that now is going to be like then, and how I can change now (or: change my experience of now, which is the same thing) by letting that fear be legitimate while still not taking it too seriously.
What are the qualities of my wish?
Peacefulness. Trust. Lightness. Comfort. Treasure. Experimentation. Sweet Ease. Flow.
And the superpowers of and What If All Timing Is Right Timing.
What would help me move forward on this? How am I going to play with this?
Conducting. Skipping stones. Secret spirals. Taking notes. Partnering with Agent Em Dee.
Remembering things that have been true for me in other Decembers, and adding this intel to the Almanac.
Anything else?
Tuna casserole. (This is a memory. A good one.)
My housemate will stretch with me in the morning in front of the fireplace if I remember to ask, so if I know that is going to happen, I will get up and join in.
What else do I want?
Seeds planted without explanation, a mix of secret agent code and silent retreat dreams. Things I’m working on, or might be, someday…
- The Salve of Salves.
- The Compass of Signs.
- May Peacefulness Prevail!
- Announcements.
- Everything is getting easier.
- Miracles everywhere.
- Regular dancing gigs at the ballroom, which is also the Spiegelsaal.
- This doesn’t require my input!
- Ha, it’s so perfect that it turned out like this.
- Past me is a GENIUS.
- I have what I need, and I appreciate it.
- There is money for this.
- Trust and steadiness. I can see why this moment is good.
- Hawaii.
- I am fearless and confident, and I do the brave things and give myself sparklepoints, and it is not even a big deal that I did the brave things but I still get sparklepoints, yay.
This week’s ops?
Operation Solstice. Operation More Options. Operation Tell The Story In Bits And Pieces. Mission Mad Hot.
I’m playing with…
DANCING. Breathing. Transitions. Permission.
As well as: Hello, habit, you are so interesting and I am learning many things about you and about me.
Attenzione! AGENTS.
I am deep in an undercover mission to get better at Gracefully Accepting Thanks. Or: Glowing Receptivity and Being Receptive to Glow.
This mission also resolves a question we get from people a lot, which is “I really, really want to thank you, except I’m not going to buy products and I can’t come to a Rally.” And it is also related to Operation Coming Out Of All The Closets, so I can share some experiences from Then where past-me thought her best survival strategy was not-sharing-how-hard-things-are.
If you would like to support my mission by sharing sweetness and appreciation for any aspect of my work, I would love that. You can do it with the magic of words, through the comments, or add something to Barrington’s Discretionary fund. (Explanation!)
And if the way you are glowing appreciation is quietly in your heart, I like that too. It all counts. ♡
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
So. Last week, aka Many happy returns…?
My wish had to do with the theme of returning, and that launched some very interesting internal investigations. I learned about many different kinds of silence, as well as some things I need to let go of in order to return to myself.
My wish was also about ritual, community and companionship for Solstice, and I was able to set that up, so now it’s happening! Yay. Very excited. It filled quickly, though I think we could probably make room for one more person.
The smartest thing I seeded last week (that I know of) was “ha, it’s so perfect that it turned out like this” because I was hyper aware this week of how true that is.
Thank you, writing. Thank you, me who asked.
Keep me company?
You are welcome to drop in with wishes, gwishes, visions, personal ads. Small or large, and in any form you like. There is no right way to do this. Updates on past experiments are welcome too, as is anything sparked for you.
Commenting culture: This is safe space for creative exploration. We ask for what we need. We are on permanent vacation from care-taking and advice-giving. We are here to play.
Let’s throw some things in the pot! And, as always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox
Friday Chicken #281: Identity Shake-Up for 500
It is Friday and we are here.
{a breath for Friday}
What worked?
S words.
I asked for S words and I got S words.
They solved things for me.
Next time I might…
Stand gloriously tall.
One of my dance instructors pointed out that I am ducking the tiniest bit on one of the turns.
I know that I’m not supposed to duck, of course. My mind does.
My body has a built-up aversion, thanks to being knocked in the head about sixty different times on that turn. So it ducks for me. To save me from discomfort.
My job now is to stand gloriously tall. This is harder than it sounds.
So I am practicing.
A wise thing a dance teacher said this week.
Applicable to everything, so substitute life for “dance”….
“Finesse always works better than forcing, with everything”
That was Chris.
Eight breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
- End of the Jazz Age. Or, in not-code: I had to stop taking my morning dance classes because of [time/money] and some other stuff that’s going on. It isn’t necessarily a bad thing. In fact, I got pretty clear intel that this is the Next Indicated Step, and also that it is temporary. Still not liking it. A breath for missing, and for trust.
- Good grief it is hard to get out of bed when it is freezing cold. Especially without the motivation of morning dance class. A breath for new patterns, not yet formed.
- It all hurts. A mysterious blister, mysterious everything. Woke up from a nap with a mysterious black eye. Seriously, body. I know there is a lot going on. A breath for reacting to circumstances.
- So many things breaking. My printer. Agent White’s furnace. A breath for worry.
- Hospital, not for me. A breath for loving people from afar.
- In Things That Scare Me, I Will Do Them, I picked Identity Shake-Up for 500. A breath for big changes
- […] A breath for things that are hard. And for the phrase “Let me see if I can get in an hour of Decent Work and appease the Monster Hordes, ideally while you remind me that I am not in fact a terrible person.” Also, Day 2 of Rally was so Day 2 it was ridiculous. Aka Day 4
- Inhale, exhale. Goodbye, mysteries and hard moments of this week.
Eight breaths of good, reassuring, delight-filled.
- Someone I trust recommended a book very highly. It sells for $125 online, so that wasn’t going to happen. Found it on ebay for $2. $5, with shipping. A breath for good surprises and for plenty.
- More great dance classes than I could handle. 6.5 hours on Sunday. And in case you’re worried about me overdoing it (because you are related to me), please know that there is very little aerobic activity happening in these hours. It’s mostly listening and watching. A breath for the delight of learning.
- I took Friday off and spent it with someone I adore. A breath for sweetness.
- Private dance lesson! Leaps and bounds. Not literally. A breath for how overjoyed I am about this.
- Operation High Burn Nation. A breath for knowing what I want.
- Taking care of myself. A breath for acting on knowing what I want.
- Genius ideas and breakthroughs and much laughter at Rally (Rally!). A breath for new understandings.
- Spending time with a tiny sweet thing, and some new secret agent code. A breath for trust.
WHAM BOOM! Operations completed.
Lots of ops. I solved for S, though.
WHAM! BOOM!
Superpowers!
Powers I had this week…
[…}
And, I am the PROPRIETRESS of a ballroom, dammit.
Superpowers I want.
Same as last two weeks: Everything Is Simple And Pleasurable.
And also: extreme focus. And unwavering faith. Whatever I am doing in this moment is right. And if I change it, that is also right.
Salve.
The salve of standing to your full height.
Or really, of taking up space unapologetically, in all the possible ways.
When you apply this salve, you forget all the ways that you have learned to not take up space. They become irrelevant, unimportant, are clearly not about you.
You get to turn your petals towards the light, they are already turning that way, and nothing restricts your progress.
If you are not a salve person (today or in general), you can have this in tea form, pill form, as a bath, whatever works for you. Not only is there enough salve, there are also enough ways to receive it.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
This week’s band via my ex-husband, kind of.
Parenthetical Poppyseed
They are quiet and a little folk. And I’m pretty sure it’s just one guy…
Attenzione! Attention, AGENTS.
I am deep in an undercover mission to get better at receiving in all forms, or as I’m calling it: Glowing Receptivity and Being Receptive to Glow.
This involves, among other things, acquiring the skill of Gracefully Accepting Thanks.
And it is related to my mission of Coming Out Of All The Closets and sharing, particularly about my personal experiences with not-sharing-how-hard-things-are, when things were actually the hardest.
If you would like to take a part in this and support me on my mission by sharing sweetness and appreciation for any aspect of my work, I would love that. You can do it with the magic of words, through the comments, or add something to Barrington’s Discretionary fund. (Explanation!)
And if the way you are glowing appreciation is quietly in your heart, I like that too. It all counts. ♡
Come play if you like…
Join me in the comments. Some of us share hard and good, some of us say hi, or maybe we’re on silent retreat. My ritual doesn’t have to be your ritual. Whatever works for you. Almost three hundred weeks of this and there still isn’t a right way.
Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We don’t give advice.
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever you like, it’s no big deal. And I am blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers. I love that you are here too.