The Fluent Self

What's in the gallery?

We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.

We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**

* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.

** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.

What's in the gallery?

* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.

Friday Chicken #232: Yay trucks!

by Havi Brooks | Jan 4, 2013 | updates & announcements

Where I cover the good and the hard in my week, visiting the non-preachy side of ritual and self-reflection.

And you get to join in if you feel like it.

The hard part about this week was that all the missions and operations took much longer than anticipated.

The good was YAY TRUCKS, which we will be using as secret agent code to mean progress being made.

Thanks @chloewrites for this excellent phrase, which is itself progress (I mean, yay trucks) because I have issues with progress and acknowledging it, but I do not have issues with saying yay about trucks. Yay trucks!

What worked?

8 letter words.

Also getting Twitter, Facebook and the Floop to help me come up with 8 letter words.

Turning a Nothing Works Today day into a Putterday.

Not fighting. Going with it.

Letting the puttering be a fractal flower: working on the project through doing something seemingly unrelated and symbolically clearing things out.

Not only did this work amazingly well but then I was able to turn my regular puttering time into writing time.

Secret code for everything.

Next time I might…

Interview earlier.

All the best things this week came out of a long conversation I had with the version of me who is the Director of the World’s Premier Dolphin Adoption Agency.

She was brilliant and hilarious and gave me the best advice ever.

She: Sweetie, your job is to be filled up on love and not to problem-solve. That’s the job.
Me: WHAT?! But isn’t there pushback from everyone who wants me to problem-solve?
She: Not at all. You set up the agency how you like (hello, it’s called AGENCY!) and people accept that without questions.

Anyway. That was really great. But I spent so much time trying to solve all the problems before I talked to her. Next time I’d like to just start by turning inward. Speaking of…

Get on the floor first.

Everything that was not working this week got better when I crawled down onto the floor and got close to the floor.

Sometimes I waited way too long to do this and then once I did, everything was good.

Floor. Use it, honey.

Recognize that things take longer than I think.

Even when I think I’d already thought about that part!

And sometimes they take longer and expand at the same time…

Operation Four on the Floor turned into a much bigger production than estimated, and that started to feel stressful (it will never end!)

In the end, I decided to divide it into three parts and finish the part that I was working on. And the other parts became new ops (Operation Milliner and Operation Roomglow). That worked really well, I wish I’d thought of it earlier!

The hard.

Overwhelmed.
Panic!
Oh man. Realizing that how I spent December was not really how I’d wanted to spend December.
Craving time for revue and quiet reflection, and not having it.
Seeing just how sad I feel when I see that past-me scheduled things I wanted, but then I wasn’t able to take any further steps towards these things actually happening.
The first really, really cold days here. Scarves and hats and gloves. Reminders of That Awful Winter From Then, forgetting about how Now Is Not Then. Also: cold!
Too much. Just in general.
Premenstrual body dysmorphia that came out of nowhere and threw me for the loop of all loops until I figured out what was going on.
The thing I thought would be great that was just really hard.
An interesting (and loud!) set of monsters who believe that Plenty Is Bad. For example, you won’t use more than one gorgeous dress so you shouldn’t have more than one. But this rule only applies to me. Other people can have plenty of everything and that is about delight. But if it’s me…. etc.
Help is still AWOL, doing way too much work. Grumbling about that. I want a long, lazy New Year’s brunch!
Running into all kinds of old pain from THEN that I hadn’t even known about. Especially from living in Madison and from that long, awful summer working in the factory.
The day of missing all the buses and wearing the wrong shoes and also snow.
The day of too many things, too many people, too few transitions.
Fake Beach Day with socializing is not Fake Beach Day!
Fireworks and explosions on New Year’s Eve triggered old stuff. Interestingly this time it was not about the terrorist attack that I was in, but about when I lived in south Tel Aviv during the second intifada, being woken up by a suicide bombing in the next neighborhood and then just going back to sleep because I was so jaded/worn-down that it didn’t even matter. Ugh. Old pain.
Operation Dolphins took four times as long as estimated. Which caused a panic.
When do I get to go to the Vicarage? Is it now? What about now?

The good.

A small designer whose clothing I secretly and quietly lust after from afar had a winter sale, and I got a dress I have been quietly desiring for months. This had a lot of symbolic meaning for me, and it took a lot of processing to get there.
Sun.
Dance.
Twenty eight days until I’m off to the Vicarage.
Writing, writing and more writing. 12,000 words that I feel strongly about. And this means that everyone coming to the class on TIME (it’s this coming week!) is getting an ebook that they didn’t know about. This delights me. And it’s full of outrageously subversive content, of course. That delights me too.
Amazed, proud and happy about how many ops got done this week. And how much yay trucks.
YAY TRUCKS.
A terrific healing from Wally in which I gave away the locked box of loneliness I didn’t even know I was holding onto.
Seeing Ealasaid again and meeting Nate.
My new year’s eve ritual is still a really good one: plus pommes frites for dessert.
Touch on the wrist.
Whatsit!!!
Operation Dolphins solves all the problems and streamlines things. It removes obstacles and allows for more sovereignty. Thanks, subconscious.
Helpful friends keeping me company while I write.
Richard took care of EVERYTHING this week so that I could write.
Sweetest ever early-morning playdate
Adoration.
Passport came early. And the photo is Marvelously Unremarkable, which is sometimes its own superpower.
I posted all kinds of things to the blog this week.
I liked this week!
Huge huge huge YAY TRUCKS on Operation Milliner, which was my hardest and scariest op this week, so close to done!

WHAM BOOM! Operations completed this week:

The phrase Whoosh Ha Mastadon Boom is secret agent code that means: this op is done, baby! It is often shortened to WHAM boom.

~~Operation DOLPHINS~~ Wham boom!
~~Operation DOORPOST~~ Wham boom!
~~Operation SYLVESTR~~ Wham boom!
~~Operation PICKLES-A~~ Wham boom!
~~Operation FOUR ON THE FLOOR~~ Wham boom!
~~Operation UNCRACKED~~ Wham boom!
~~Operation READINGS~~ Wham boom!
~~The Monthly Marigold Maneuver.~~ Wham boom!

Whoosh Ha Mastadon Boom! Wham Boom! Wham Boom!

Oh, and also the B-bop mini-op: ~~Operation It’s In the Notebook~~. Wham Boom to that too.

You may also shout (or whisper) other joyous words if you like.

Superpowers!

A superpower I had this week…

The superpower of recognizing that YAY TRUCKS counts. Making progress counts.

That Yay Trucks is big and important. Celebrating every part of Yay Trucks, instead of just discounting the things that aren’t done yet.

And a superpower I want next week.

The superpower of letting the compass solve everything.

Tabstravaganza! What’s in all those open tabs.

An absolutely fantastic permission slip about speaking freely from @spiralsongkat.

You guys know how strongly I feel about permission and slips, this is a really beautiful one!

Also, you know what’s BRILLIANT? Clothing For Correspondence. They write your letters, you send them your clothes. Who told me about this?!?!

Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!

Background. Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once invented hanging out at the Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.

This week’s band is the best band that has ever existed.

Thanks, Richard for both the name and the highly entertaining story.

Fuzzy And Cow.

They are sweet and loud and they play all night. Though, of course, it’s really just one guy.

Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.

Picture me wearing that crazy hat…

DOLPHINS, you guys.

If you’ve been wanting to join the Floop (the Floating Playground) or to play with me during the Year of Emptying And Replenishing (password: compass)…

Except you wanted payment options and we didn’t have any.

We now have a Dolphin Adoption Agency where that happens.

And not just any dolphin adoption agency, but the World’s Premier Dolphin Adoption Agency.

This is a wonderful thing, and I have all the excitement. Go there. Visit.

That’s it for me …

Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!

We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).

Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.

Shabbat shalom.

p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.

Passage into January.

by Havi Brooks | Jan 3, 2013 | mindful time management

Hmmm. Time to passage between months again. New month and new year.

Anyone remember how we did this last year? I don’t! But I just looked it up. You guys, there is all kinds of craziness in the archives. I am constantly being surprised by things I trip over in there.

Anyway, it looks like I wrote about the qualities of the voyage on January 4th. Then I did a Hello, January on the 11th. Apparently I didn’t want to do entry for January. Interesting!

So. I think I’ll reverse things this year. I want to enter the month first and then look more at the qualities I want for the year.

Hey there, January. You’re looking fiiiiiiine.

Passaging out of December. What worked?

Scheduling my two weeks of Silent Retreat at the Vicarage to happen at the end of January. And making last minute plans to run away to the beach for Solstice with Danielle.

I really needed that because December was full of hard work, internal and business-related. I don’t know how I would have gotten through it without knowing that this was waiting for me.

Also! Lots of emptying and replenishing, even during the hard work. Regular ten minute breaks to recline on the floor and feel. Walks in the park. The tiniest 80s dance party ever.

But mainly what worked was playing. Having secret agent code words and planning mysterious ops and saying things like “I need to check in with my man in Lichtenstein!”

So long, December. Things I might try differently next time?

Oh man.

Last year (I mean, 2011) I also had way too much in December. Remember? I was exhausted. So this year I scheduled ALL OF DECEMBER off. Just for writing and reflecting.

But the extent of that scheduling was putting it on the calendar. And making sure the new Floop got set up ahead of time.

I didn’t realize how much work there would be waiting for me. And how much more needs to happen than simply cordoning something off.

So next time I want to focus on extending the thing that already worked: solstice beach rally. Making it longer and more focused. Starting there.

Also I really need to get out of town for Christmas. Possibly New Year’s as well.

Passaging into January. Hello, January!

Hi there.

I am inordinately glad to see you. Mostly because this past year was so damn hard that any kind of change feels like fresh air.

Partly because it is sunny and gorgeous today: cold but clear. Partly because I went to the best dance class ever this morning and I feel like a gazelle. Partly because I’m in a cafe I love with Tom Waits in the background. Followed by a quiet instrumental version of La Vie En Rose, because like I said, things are good today.

I don’t know. I just feel happy to be encountering you. Especially reading about how much I dreaded you last year. Already something is different. We get to have a new relationship. Every time.

Qualities I want for January.

Sweetness. Vitality. Pleasure. Anticipation.

Let’s choose words for Jannuary.

I’m going with the word on the calendar: ENTRY.

I’m turning the page in the Stompopolis calendar.

The vortex stone in the image is part of one of our secret speakeasy rituals. It only gets used once.

And it’s sitting on the Scale of Scalability, which doesn’t measure anything. It just scales!

January superpowers?

The superpower from the calendar for this month is perfect:

The Superpower of Maybe Nothing Is Wrong.

Additionally, I want: The superpower of finding treasure in unlikely places. The superpower of remembering what it is like to be a bell.

Things I’m working on and playing with in January.

Stopping.

Attention to fabrics and textures that delight. Warm sweaters. Crushed velvet in my hands. Red flannel sheets. Coziest hot water bottle from Berlin. Engaging senses.

Naming all the missions and giving each one a compass. Keeping track of them with Paperless and the Red Rose Missives.

Things I’m looking forward to in January.

Well, at the end of it there is my well-earned two weeks of being at the vicarage. Anticipation!

There’s the class on TIME on the 10th! I am currently editing the ebook that goes with it. Yes, you will get the ebook if you signed up for the class even though I didn’t tell anyone about it. New year’s present. 🙂

There is entry and exit. And writing dates with my playmate. And more flowers.

There is the Dolphin Adoption Agency.

Mostly I’m looking forward to moving and stretching and early to bed. I need to get a lot of work done before the Vicarage, but I also plan to be a hibernating bear. Because it’s January.

I’m asking for and wishing for….

Presence. Steadiness. Grounding and heart-opening. Smiling.

Naming the moon.

This is a tradition I borrowed from Waverly. You can read more about how I do it if you like.

What does January want to be? For me, I mean. January. What’s the opposite of stagnation? Flow? Newness? Harmoniousness? Congruence? That’s what I want.

The Moon of Everything Is Revitalized. Yes, please.

And?

I want to be here now.

Goodbye, December. Thank you for everything. Goodbye everything that is done. Thank you for being done.

Hello, January. I am touching you gently on the wrist, barely grazing your skin. It’s exciting and new. We exchange flirtatious smiles. And we know right away that we are going to be friends. Huh. How about that.

Play with me…

I mess around with entry and exit each month, going with whatever shows up.

For other versions, peek at 2011: July / August / September / October / November and December. Or 2012: January / February / March / April / May. A love letter to June / July / August / September / October / November / December.

Feel welcome to deposit notes for your entry into January here, if you like. Or drop off some wishes. Or leave flowers.

As always, we make this a safe space by not telling each other what to do, how to be or how to feel. We make room for each other.

Wishing you a just-right January: pleasurable, supportive, and full of unexpectedly good things. And love. All the love.

Three small letters.

by Havi Brooks | Jan 1, 2013 | my personal practice

My New Year’s Eve ritual:

An early Happy Hour with a friend at a gorgeous hotel bar. Quiet. Whiskey. Delicious food. Laughter. Pommes frites for dessert.

I bring a small notebook and I write three small letters to myself, one to a page. The size of the notebook means that each letter isn’t much more than what might fit on a postcard.

We know it’s time to leave when the bar starts to fill up with women in sparkly dresses.

I head home and sit by the fireplace. And then BED! Dear god I love bed. Still haven’t made it to midnight, but the new year is always still there the next day.

Do you want to read the letters? I’m putting them here.

The letter from me-right-now to me-exactly-one-year-ago.

Oh love. Listen. You can handle everything that happens this year. You can. At times you’ll think you won’t and can’t, but you do. Beautifully.

Even moments of utterly-destroyed and zerstört am Boden turn out later to be what was needed. I am on the other side and I see it.

Wanna know a secret? You can have things that you think you can’t. You’ll just have to release a lot of rules about how.

Also: things will happen that seem awful but they are not awful. They are exactly what is needed. So breathe. And take care of yourself. And go to the beach. I am with you.

The letter from me-right-now to me-in-one-year-from-now.

Wow. I can’t wait to meet you. I can’t wait to be you.

Here is what I wish for you: That you always know there is no way to let me down. That you can look back on your year delightedly, with a secret smile and a contented sigh.

With at least a few (lots!) moments of OH THANK GOD FINALLY.

I wish you pleasure, lusciousness and delight. I hope you are glowing and serene, energized and steady, smiling your smile, wearing something gorgeous. And feeling great in every way. I am squeezing your hand from here.

The letter from me-in-one-year-from-now to me-right-now.

Look at you! Thank you so much for everything you went through in 2012 so we could be together here, now. I hope you are tingling with anticipation!

It is so much easier to be done with false limitations than you think. That’s what this coming year is about. You filled an entire 2012 with unraveling, so that these restrictions could fall away.

Step into a year of pleasures if you choose to have them.

Here’s what I want you to know:

The idea that you could ever be behind is a lie. The idea that you have to make do is a lie. Have-to and either-or: lies. TRUTH is: Pleasure. Breath. Touch. Silence. Laughter. Delight in enough and delight in plenty. It’s all in the compass. You don’t have to believe me and it doesn’t have to make sense.

Take it in. Take me in. I am with you all the way.

Goodbye, goodbye. Hello, hello.

Goodbye, goodbye to the year when the barns all burned.

What I want to remember from last year was not the barns burning but that the burning was how I learned the song you sing while watching them burn. Humming it now.

Sweet dreams, 2012. I can’t wait to explore you, 2013.

And the thing I want to remember most is how adoring I feel towards me from a year ago. How much I want to hold her and tell her that she is okay. And to remember that me in a year feels that way about me. She knows how much work I had to do to get to her, and she is more appreciative than I can imagine.

I will forget, of course. But maybe I’ll remember a little sooner next time. Planting that.

Play with me?

You can write your own little letters, if you like.

I am also receptive to: smiles, humming, warm wishes for a FANTASTIC new year, and general hanging out.

As always: we make this a safe and welcoming space through the deceptively simple practice of abstaining from advice. Love and to the commenter mice, the Beloved Lurkers and everyone who reads.

Quiet goodbyes to 2012.

by Havi Brooks | Dec 31, 2012 | my personal practice

It feels a bit early, a bit raw really, to do any kind of review/revue of this incredibly hard and challengingyear just yet.

But I am feeling a strong need to PASSAGE, really and truly. Tonight. I am ready to cross through.

So in the interest of making this day a door, I will skip some stones with love.

What do I want to remember about 2012?

That I made it.

Not: “made it” in terms of success or (blah) goals. And not in terms of survival: not not-making it.

More that I made my way to the end of it with grace. That I was able to go through the hardest year of my life with presence, and sometimes even with laughter and vitality. I made it through. I crossed the hardest crossings.

I am here. And not just still-standing. Fully here. Appreciative. Even with all that happened.

What was hard about 2012?

Most of this has to be [silent retreat-ed] for a variety of reasons.

But:

The crashing and burning of a long-standing and important relationship.
Insomnia.
The loss of four special friendships.
The loss of nearly ALL of my staff.
Nearly losing [X].
Heartbreak after heartbreak after heartbreak.
Long-lost stones (people) returning only to leave again, in the worst way possible.
Thinking Stompopolis would open in April but then opening it turned into the most complicated and layered mission imaginable.
The worst piece of news.
The greatest misunderstanding.
Discovering that person I thought was my most ardent champion — the person I thought believed in me more than anyone in the world, is not that person at all.
The loss of the [thing that sustains me]. Not the thing itself but my relationship with it, my work, dreams and visions.
All the barns burning.
Fear. Pain. Anger. Hurt. Sadness. Loss. Grief.

Thanks for the teachings, 2012. And I never want to learn anything in such a hard and painful way again.

But/and! Look at where I’m at…

Appreciative and grateful. Having deeply processed all of these things. Being okay with them and with where I’m at with them.

This is the year I rediscovered a lost part of me and reintegrated her.
This is the year that I became Havi Bell.
This is the year of receiving directives. And finally being able to listen. To follow through.
This is the year that I stopped neglecting myself.
This is the year that I put my attention to empyting and replenishing as a way of being.
This is the year that I stopped working myself to death and started working lovingly. An hour or two at a time. Sure, it happened because all my attention had to go to not falling apart. But I learned to work in healthy ways, in creative, fun Rally ways, as a way of being all the time.
This is the year that I learned that my worst fear isn’t all that bad, because now is not then, and I’m better equipped to handle it now.
This is the year of having the right playmate for the right kinds of play.
This is the year of the costumes and the bells and the delight.

These are also teachings. So thanks you, 2012, for these things that were delivered in sweetness.

What bits wisdom do I want to keep from 2012?

Stones go and return. And then they return again. Nothing that is truly mine can be lost. And the things that have come back are better than what I mourned losing.

The thing I fear cannot hurt me. The only thing that can hurt me is disconnecting from myself and not taking care of myself.

Even in the hardest of the hard, I was able to trust and give. To dissolve and radiate, to look for the clews.

Some things take as long as they take. And there is nothing wrong with this. Nothing is behind. You aren’t doing anything wrong, Havi.

Allies are everywhere.

Sometimes the purpose of a stone is not to be your stone, other than in that moment. It is to move you from one part of the river to another part. Such is the way of stones.

Many different costumes for many different things. Not one costume for everything. Same goes for identities or aspects of identity. Things can co-exist.

Be a bell. Ring anything you want to ring. Turn any room or building into a bell, and be a bell inside the bell.

Conducting always works.

All you need is an 8 Letter Word.

Being a spy is more fun than not being a spy.

I am done with so very many things. And that is okay.

Some of the best superpowers of 2012:

The superpower of singing the songs of the barns burning.

The superpower of remembering that six months from now I’m probably going to be relieved about the thing I’m currently hating. I can skip that part by finding the good.

The superpower of de-cobwebbing.

The superpower of not all progress is linear.

The superpower of turning anything into a compass.

The superpower of pre-emptive congruencing: doing away now with the thing that is going to be disharmonious or incongruent in a while.

What beautiful memories do I want to hold from 2012?

Being a gazelle.

Cannery pier.

The stairway in the Elliot. A beautiful apple from a bowl.

The time I fell and thought it was the worst thing and actually it was the best thing.

Beach day.

August 3rd.

Long lazy weekends with my playmate, having all the words.

Slow sweet yoga in Hoppy House, in the park, at the Playground, in the Director’s Room while on Chrysalis.

The best sandwich in the world, and the best temporary companion for eating the best sandwich in the world. Hilariously, that one is not a metaphor. Actual sandwich.

Stars.

Singing in Stompopolis. Singing to Stompopolis.

Rallies and the Crossing.

What worked? Things I’m bringing with me into the new year from the old one:

Beach day and Fake Beach day.

The VICARAGE.

Solstice and Equinox.

Slightly Sexy Ounce Dice Trice.

Next time I might…

Choose to hire people who are not in my circle of friends. That way, if they need to leave and/or stop speaking to me, I won’t make it about me. It wasn’t about me anyway, but it took me way too long (and twice!) this year to figure this out.

Remember that stones return.

Remember that the thing that seems like bad news is not bad news, and that I can investigate that.

Pause first. Paws! And then pause some more.

Goodbye, 2012.

This year I learned about upheaval, destruction, and everything falling down. And I also learned that I was safe and held the entire time, even when it was hard to see and feel. Sometimes it was really hard to see and feel.

I cried out my body weight in tears, over and over again. And I laughed. Bitterly at first, and then that life-laugh of I am here.

Let’s have today mark being done with this old way of learning. Let’s have the new transitions be sweet and (thank you, Max!) wonderfully mild.

May 2013 be radiant and, most of all, may it be peaceful.

And may I be able to learn things this year without traversing such stormy seas. May I meet everything that comes in with steadiness and presence. With ringing bells.

Play with me.

I am open to:

Playing along (in any form you like), hand-on-heart sighs, smiles, warm wishes for sweetness and delight in the new year. Any of the above.

Or anything sparked for you. Or things you want to drop into the fountain about your own year.

As always, we don’t give each other unsolicited advice here. Just love.

Visions #182: with a steady smile

by Havi Brooks | Dec 30, 2012 | my personal practice

Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.

Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.

I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!

Thing 1: Who’s keeping track of special ops?

Here’s what I want:

I’ve noticed I’ve been feeling overwhelmed and panicky over the past few days.

My two busiest monsters (The Mssrs. TOO MANY THINGS and NOT ENOUGH TIME) are both working overtime and tag-teaming each other.

I sat with them and we played a few rounds of what’s true and what’s also true. We learned that yes, it’s true that the next three weeks have a hell of a lot of things that need doing. This gave us some information on how to set things up differently next year.

And when we got to the part about also true, it became clear that none of the things are very difficult or time-consuming. And we have a method: naming the mission and setting it up, with super secret spy code.

But then they worry about who will keep track of all the missions?!

The qualities inside of the want:

Clarity. Order. Calm. Spaciousness. Congruence. Harmony. Clear seeing. Truth. Radiance. Resilience. Sustainability. Flow.

And the superpower of being my own control tower.

Ways this might work:

I can go to the Floop and list out all the operations. And then find out what their secret names, costumes and attributes are.

Once I’ve sorted them out, they can go into Paperless, the app that I want to marry.

I’m playing with…

Drinking tea. Believing. Letting things go.

Thing 2: Operation DOLPHINS.

Here’s what I want:

Okay, this one is a metaphor and a proxy and a fractal flower, so just go with this.

I am the Director of the world’s premier Dolphin Adoption Agency.

And I have been considering closing the agency even though I love the dolphins and I love that people want to adopt dolphins. It’s just way too much work and also sometimes people abandon the dolphins and then I feel sad and despondent.

So I have been interviewing myself: talking to the version of me who excels at this job and is thrilled to be doing it.

This week I’d like to quietly and lovingly re-open the doors of the Dolphin Adoption Agency, with a warm heart and a steady smile. And to do it in a way that feels right for me. Because a happy Director is, it turns out, vital to a thriving agency.

The qualities inside of the want:

Freedom. Orchestration. Peacefulness. Innovation. Newness. Sustenance. Flow. Sovereignty. Freedom. Boundaries. Responsibility. Lightness. Love.

And the (hilarious) superpower of remembering that the most important thing about running an Agency is the quality of AGENCY.

Ways this might work:

Get more advice from me-the-Director.

Take it to the cafe.

I’m playing with…

Letting this be easier than I think it will be.

Letting the Floop help.

Thing 3: Operation MILLINER

Here’s what I want:

Operation Milliner! I have a gigantic editing project and I am so very much not in the mood. So I want to either get in the mood or I want it to be easy. What do I know about the op?

Color: Gold
Superpower: Always looking good in hats means…. (find out!)
Costume: all the hats, of course!
Code within code: M.I.L.L.I.N.E.R.
Contact: Brigitte can make the drop in Bonn. Or Ulf.

MILLINER also stands for: Malleability. Immersion. Lusciousness. Laughter. Inspiration. Newness. Effortless. Radiance.

The compass will begin North at M and goes clockwise and then counterclockwise: “Malleability immerses in luscious laughter, inspired by newness and effortlessly radiating. Malleability radiates effortless newness, inspiring laughter and lusciousness, immersed in malleability.”

Elements of the operation include:
(1) Setting.
(2) Conducting in and conducting out. .

The qualities inside of the want:

Creativity. Inspiration. Playfulness.

The superpower of letting things change shape easily.

Ways this might work:

At the Playground. With flowers. More flowers!

I’m playing with…

There is a dress…

Noticings about the things I want this week…

They have to do with getting things in order, finding rhythms internal and external. And they require a playful approach, because otherwise I get overwhelmed. And if I’m not enjoying myself, how can I be the director of the world’s foremost dolphin adoption agency? See?

Bonus wishes, please!

Some of these are secret agent code and some of them are things I’m silent retreat-ing on. Some are qualities that will help. And some are almost pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.

Coloring. Like this.
Helena.
Operation STOCKING.
Operation 6 Sundays
A solemn promise about next December.
Revue.
Goodbye, goodbye, 2012.
A ritual, made new.
Goodbye, goodbye, 2012.
Doorways and doorways.
Let there be dancing.
Steadiness and grace

I’m playing with…

A pot full of harmony.

Smiling all the smiles.

Yoga nidra.

Staying committed to playfulness and vitality when I can, to presence and breathing when I can’t.

Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.

Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.

Wow. So Operation CAKEWALK was a smashing success. Also I forgot to give credit to Kyle for the name, which was part of what made it such a great operation to begin with. I loved it.

Operation Four on the Floor was much more challenging than expected. BUT. I wrote a forty page ebook. So that was pretty great.

And I made huge progress on the mezuzot, because of something that happens every year that I always forget about.

The bonus wishes worked well too. Replanting a few of them for more of the same. Yay.

Playing. Shelter for the comments.

What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like. Things sparked for your own process.

I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.

We ask for what we need, and we give each other space and spaciousness for the process.

This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We play.

That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!

As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.

xox

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